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I Was In Toronto When They Had A Severe Outbreak Of Sars - You Know, Severe Asian Racism Syndrome. I Was In The Airport And There Were These Big Snowboarder Guys And They Had White Masks Around Their Necks, And As Soon As They Saw Me, They Put Their Masks On. So I Went "cough, Cough, Cough... You Wanna Egg Rorr?

-Margaret Cho

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I Was In Toronto

Margaret Cho

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I Was In Toronto When They Had A Severe Outbreak Of Sars - You Know, Severe Asian Racism Syndrome. I Was In The Airport And There Were These Big Snowboarder Guys And They Had White Masks Around Their Necks, And As Soon As They Saw Me, They Put Their Masks On. So I Went "cough, Cough, Cough... You Wanna Egg Rorr?

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I Think I Appeal To People Who Are Living In The Margins Because Of Their Identity And Who Need To Feel Freedom Somewhere.

I Think Comedy Is An Angry Art Form; It's An Outsider Art Form.

We Must Know Who We Are, So We Can Know What We Want, So We Don't End Up Wanting The Wrong Thing And Get It And Realize We Don't Want It, Because By Then It's Too Late. We Are Powerful Enough That We Can Manifest Anything Into Our Lives. To Use This Power With Great Care And Love Is The Secret To Living A Happy Life.

I Love Drugs, But I Hate Hangovers, And The Hatred Of The Hangover Wins By A Landslide Every Time.

I Don't Have Children, And I Am Not Sure If I Have Wanted Them Or Never Wanted Them. It's Weird Not To Be Able To Decide. I Don't Know If I Could Stand That Kind Of Commitment, Or If I Am Really Honest, I Don't Think That I Could Handle Being That Vulnerable To Someone Else.

I Urge You All Today, Especially Today During These Times Of Chaos And War, To Love Yourself Without Reservations And To Love Each Other Without Restraint. Unless You're Into Leather.

If You're A Songwriter, You Want To Write A Song Like "oh Yeah" That Radically Shifts Everything. You Can Definitely Retire On That Song. You Want To Have Something You Can Put In Your Songbook That Everybody Can Recognize, Whether It's A Good Or Bad Thing.

Success Is Meaningless If You Can't Sleep At Night Because Of Harsh Things Said, Petty Secrets Sharpened Against Hard And Stony Regret, Just Waiting To Be Plunged Into The Soft Underbelly Of A 'friendship.'

Congratulations

Snooki Is Really Beautiful And Looks Quite Like Elizabeth Taylor In 'cleopatra.' She Has The Same Bone Structure. I'm Kind Of Obsessed With 'jersey Shore.' People Don't Give Them Enough Credit For How Entertaining They Are.

I Have 3 Dogs Myself - I Actually Have A Kennel License In Order To Do So. I Love Them So Much I Couldn't Imagine My Life Without Them.

I Think It Is Really Sad That When People Lose Their Homes They Kind Of Lose Their Minds Too.

The Newest Victims Of The Nation's Foreclosure Crisis Are Pets, Which Is Extremely Distressing To Me.

The Power Of Visibility Can Never Be Underestimated.

You Have To Adhere To A Certain Morality, A Certain Level Of Decorum, Or Else You'll Be Punished And Labeled.

I'm Taking A Lot Of My Favorite Artists, Different People, My Favorite Music And Marrying That With What I Do As A Comic. It's Very Collaborative, Arty, Fun And Cool.

I Grew Up A Witness To Gay Politics In Its Early Days. I Remember Seeing Harvey Milk And Been Moved By Him.

It's Good To Be Able To Laugh At Yourself And The Problems You Face In Life. Sense Of Humor Can Save You.

I Think White People Like To Tell Asian People How They Should Feel About Race Because They're Too Scared To Tell Black People.

Privacy And Security Are Those Things You Give Up When You Show The World What Makes You Extraordinary.

Thankfully, Beauty Is Easier To Remove Than Apply, And A Swipe Of Demaquillage In The Right Direction And You Are You Once Again.

Right Direction

I Want Jesus To Come Back And Say 'thats Not What I Meant'" -

I Could Definitely Rock Out To Kraftwerk's "tour De France," Tubeway Army, Or Gary Numan. All Of That Stuff Has An Infectious Beat, But With "oh Yeah," I Can't Even Identify What's Going On. It Sounds Like Typewriter Keys, A Couple Of Synth Notes And Then This Really Deep "oh Yeah," Which I Always Picture As Andre The Giant On Vocals.

Let's Not Hate Ourselves. We Are All We Have. ... I Have Been A Longtime Perpetrator Of Hate Crimes Against Myself, And I Am Turning Myself In. I Have Had Enough.

The First Thing You Lose On A Diet Is Brain Mass.

Inspirational Weight Loss

I Am Star-struck But Also I've Known A Lot Of People For A Long Time. Like I'm Super Star-struck By Grant Lee Phillips And Jon Brion But I've Known Them For 17 Years. So It's Kinda Like Weird To Be Star-struck Still, But I Still Am!

I'm Super-obsessed With 'intervention.' I Wrote A Song About It.

It Makes It Very Hard To Say What You Believe In And Not Be Attacked For It. And It's Not Fair; I'm Korean, But I'm Not Supposed To Talk About My Experience And My Life? It's Unaccepting.

I Do Love The Road, Because For Me, The Road Is Very Comfortable, And It's Very Much What I've Always Wanted To Do. It's One Of The Most Appealing Things About Comedy For Me, So I Do Really Have An Affection For It.

I Don't Like Pot Anymore -- I Forget Why.

A Few Words About ‘trannychasing.’ I Am Not A Trannychaser. Ok, Actually I Am A Trannychaser. No I Am Not. I Am A Trannycatcher! Just Kidding!

When We're Talking About Feminism, I Get Sort Of Lost In The Argument. Because As A Woman Of Color, I Don't Know Where I Belong In This Argument. Where Do I Say, 'i Would Be Happy To Have Less Money'? How Do You Fight For Your Rights When I'm Super-grateful To Be Here At All?

I Love Heavily Tattooed Women. I Imagine Their Lives Are Filled With Sensuality And Excess, Madness And Generosity, Impulsive Natures And Fights. They Look Like They Have Endured Much Pain And Sadness, Yet Have The Ability To Transcend All Of It By Documenting It On The Body

I've Always Been An Ajumma, But When You Get Older, The Culture We Were Brought Up In Works In Our Favor Where Aging Is Good, Combatting The Hollywood Idea That Aging Is Bad. I'm Very Grateful For That.

No Matter What These Terrorists Do, I Refuse To Be Terrorized. All This Requires Is Just A Few Alterations In Our Day To Day Lives. For Example, My First Instinct When I Receive An Envelope Full Of White Powder... Is To Snort It! I Just Won't Do That This Time!

I Was Like, Am I Gay? Am I Straight? And I Realized...i'm Just Slutty. Where's My Parade?

Sexual Fulfillment Goals, To Make Them Happen, You Have To Work On Them As A Project. I Don't Think It's A Bad Thing.

My Parents Are Very Funny When They Have To Deal With Anything Racy Or Off-color. They Usually Pretend They Don't Speak English.

I Don't Like People Telling Other People What To Do. Sex Work For A Lot Of Women Is Really Important, Especially In Countries Where Women Don't Have A Lot Of Power. Here We Can Have At Least Some Form ... Of Making Money.

Your Goal Is To Write That Masterpiece. Yello's Masterpiece Was "oh Yeah." Whatever I Say About The Song Doesn't Matter, Because It Has A Huge Impact On How We Remember The Era.

I Think It Is Time For All Babies To Let Us Know Who They Want For President.

I Have Permanent Damage To My Body Because I Wanted To Be Thin.

Where Do People Get Off Telling People What To Do? It's Their Bodies. If You Legalized Sex Work And Legally Protected The Sex Workers, You Wouldn't See Anything Like Human Trafficking. All Of That Would Be Obliterated.

Some People Are That - More Than A Parent, More Than A Role Model, More Than Anything Less Than A Religion.

That Notion That We're In The Post-racism, Post-sexism World Is So Not True.

I Get Up Around 7 A.m. That's Very Early For A Stand-up Comic. Then I'll Have Breakfast With My Husband, The Artist Al Ridenour, Take My Three Dogs For A Walk And Commence With My Work.

I'm A Survivor. But I'm Also Victim, Too. Surviving Has The Connotation That You've Been Through It, You Lived Through It And That's Wonderful - But A Victim Is What I Was. "survivor" Is The More Healing Way To Look At It.

George Bush Isn't Hitler. He Could Be If He Applied Himself.

That's The Nature Of Comedy. You Always Want To Be Improving And Growing And Changing With What's Happening In The World. That's When Comedy Is Most Effective.

Interventions Are Really Emotionally Exhausting And I Would Never Ever Want To Have One. In The Same Way, I Would Never Want To Have A Surprise Birthday Party. That Would Be Horrible.

Try To Love Someone Who You Want To Hate, Because They Are Just Like You, Somewhere Inside, In A Way You May Never Expect, In A Way That Resounds So Deeply Within You That You Cannot Believe It.

I Didn't Appreciate The Young Woman That I Was, Or My Young Beauty, Because I Was So Obsessed With The Fact That I Felt Fat. It's Never Good To Add To Anybody Else's Suffering. It's An Important Topic To Really Get The Gravity And The Importance Of - Dealing With Dignity.

People At Shows Have Told Me That They've Shown My Videos To Their Parents And Families To Help Them Come Out Of The Closet. It's Very Inspiring That Comedy Can Do That And Can Help People Cope With Everyday Life And Challenges Through Humor.

I Definitely Support Free Speech.

I Think Reality Television Is Such A Special Talent.

To Me, Marriage Is Really Important And What We Build Families On. That's Why Gay Marriage Is Really Important.

I Love Tattooed Women, Maybe Because They Are Uncontrollable, They Are Themselves To The Point Of Drawing Symbols Of Their Power On Their Skin. Talk About Owning Your Own Body, Being In Your Body, Claiming Yourself. I Love It. When The World Is In An Uproar Over Whether Women Should Have A Choice Or Not When It Comes To Their Own Bodies, Being Tattooed Is One Of The Most Visible Choices Of All.

Im Not A Mom, But I Think The Word Mother Is About Wisdom.

I Love Wilco's "i'm The Man Who Loves You." Nels Cline Has That Weird Guitar Slide At The Beginning And The Song Is Whispered Actually.

I Was In Toronto When They Had A Severe Outbreak Of Sars - You Know, Severe Asian Racism Syndrome. I Was In The Airport And There Were These Big Snowboarder Guys And They Had White Masks Around Their Necks, And As Soon As They Saw Me, They Put Their Masks On. So I Went "cough, Cough, Cough... You Wanna Egg Rorr?

Comedy Is Quite A Difficult Place For Queers And For Women.

I Loved Everything. I Read Everything. Art And Poetry And Literature And Trash And Sci Fi. I Didn't Know What I Would Become Yet And I Needed To Read To Figure It Out.

I Had Been Taking Various Lessons. I've Also Had A Lot Of Incredible Singers Give Me A Ton Of Great Advice. From Cyndi Lauper, Who Kind Of Taught Me The Basics, And I've Also Worked With Bird. She's A Tremendous Coach And She Often Coaches The Contestants On 'american Idol.' I've Had A Great Amount Of Support.

Comedy Was All I Ever Wanted.

I Am Into Belly Dancing. I Used To Only Hang With Comics. Now I Have Friends Who Are Dancers, And My Whole House Has A Harem Feel.

I Was About 17 Or 18 And There Were A Lot Of Clubs And Dancing. It Was The Beginning Of Rave Culture And A Lot Of Ecstasy. Because Of All The Drugs, There Are Certain Songs That Make Me Feel High.

To Start Telling People That You're Beautiful, Or Just Feel Beautiful, Just Start Acting Like You Are The Most Beautiful Woman In The World. And It Really Improves Everything! Because Your Sort Of Psyche Responds To It - Like This Is Truthful!

People Are Really Terrified Of Me. I Don't Know Why, I'm Very Nice, But People Are Very Intimidated By Me.

Anything Vince Clarke, Whether It's Erasure, Yaz, Or Depeche Mode. It's Basically R&b With Synths. It's Very Sexy Music And Perfect For Gay Sex.

When People Think The World Of You, Be Careful With Them.

My Philosophy Is, "murder The Rapist In Your Mind So You Stop Killing Yourself." I've Seen, In My Lifetime, That Sexual Abuse Has Turned Into Self-abuse. When I Kill The Rapist Inside Of Me, I Will Stop Killing Myself.

My Mother Goes Crazy Over Babies. Some People Just Do. They Love 'em! I Never Have. Babies Scare Me More Than Anything. They're Tiny And Fragile And Impressionable - And Someone Else's! As Much As I Hate Borrowing Stuff, That Is How Much I Hate Holding Other People's Babies. It's Too Much Responsibility.

Like The Birth Of Venus, The Song [yello "oh, Yeah"] Denotes The Birth Of The Bro. The Song Just Reminds Me Of Bros Looking Out Over Lowered Ray-bans. It Birthed A Negative Sexual Revolution. I Was Going To A Lot Of Bondage Clubs At The Time And They Did Play This Song. The Song I Associate More Is That Horrible Enigma Song With The Gregorian Chant. There's Something Good Buried In That Song And I Might Not Hate It As Much If I Hadn't Been A Sex Worker.

It's Okay For You To Have Relationships, But It's Not Okay To Talk About Them. It's Not Okay To Be Out Or To Be Public About It. It's Not Okay To Be Photographed With Your Partner.

If You Say You're Not A Feminist, You're Almost Denying Your Own Existence.

My Family Has Been Deeply Affected By The Split Of Korea, Which Divided It In Half, Basically, Before I Was Born. There's No Way To Connect With My Family Now Who Are In North Korea Because It's So Isolated. We Don't Even Know Who Is Still There And Who Is Alive, And If They Are, What They Are Doing. Comedy Is The Only Weapon I Have To Battle This Totalitarianism.

I’m Not Playing The Race Card. I’m Playing The Rice Card.

People Are So Sensitive About Race That They Can't Hear Someone Speaking About Their Life In A Very True Way, Or Doing Satire Or Political Parody.

I Refer To Myself As Gay, But I’m Married To A Man.

I Don't Understand The Whole Christian Conservativism Doesn't Make Sense To Me Because I Was Raised Very Christian And Its Kind Of An Odd Thing But My Parents, My Family Is Also Very Conservative In Their Own Way But I Understand The Bible And I Studied Christianity Very Well And I Don't See Where The Hatred Of Gays Comes From Because It Really Defeats Christ's Purpose.

Politics Has Less To Do With Where You Live Than Where Your Heart Is.

I Love Fashion, I'm Actually A Pretty Talented Seamstress, So I Can Make Stuff For Myself, But That's Really Time-consuming.

Ugly. Is Irrelevant. It Is An Immeasurable Insult To A Woman, And Then Supposedly The Worst Crime You Can Commit As A Woman. But Ugly, As Beautiful, Is An Illusion.

It's Hard To Find Peace With Your Thighs, But When They Chafe, Try To Be Grateful For Them. Your Thighs Let You Run And Get You Where You Want To Go. I Have Not Just Thigh Peace But Thigh Happiness, And It Begins With Thigh Gratitude.

We Women Are Constantly At War With Our Bodies, It Is Hard To Find Amnesty For Ourselves.

If I'm Talking To A Guy Who's Straight And Cute And Single, I'm Like 'are You A Unicorn?'

I Always Felt Like An Outsider Growing Up. In School, I Felt Like I Never Fit In. But It Didn't Help When My Mother, Instead Of Buying Me Glue For School Projects, Would Tell Me To Just Use Rice.

Sometimes The Only Way To Deal With Horrific Things In Life Is Through A Dark Sense Of Humor.

People Have A Lot Of Shame And Suffering Around It And I Felt That The Best Thing I Could Do Was To Share My Experiences, Which I Have Been Doing For A Long Time, And Let People Know That Of All The Things That I've Endured.

I Think That Gay People Should Have The Right To Get Married By Elvis Like Everybody Else.

I Want To Get Married But I Look At Husbands The Same Way I Look At Tattoos. I Want One, But I Can't Decide What I Want, And I Don't Want To Be Stuck With Something I'd Grow To Hate And Have Surgically Removed.

Tattooing Is My Social Life, Too, So Most Of My Time Is Taken Up With That. People Like Henry Lewis, Mike Davis At Everlasting Tattoo.

The Incognito Of Lower Class Employment Is An Effective Cloak For Any Dagger One Might Wish To Hide.

I'm Very Much A Stand-up Comedian In My Heart. That's Really What I Do. Now I'm Trying To Incorporate All Of The Different Elements Of My Work As A Performer, And Use It As A Stand-up Comedian.

Things That Are In "bad Taste" Are Often Renegade And Rebellious. They Go Against The Status Quo, And The Laws Of Decorum And Modesty. And That Can Be Really Thrilling.

Comedy Is The Only Weapon I Have To Battle Totalitarianism.

People Like Sean Penn, He Is Someone That Is Politically Progressive And Yet Is Still At The Top Of His Game In The Industry. So I Love That He Is Out There Just Virtually Shaming All The People That Voted For Prop 8. He Was A Really Great Example Of A Straight Ally, Someone Who Used His Talent And Used His Ability To Further Our Cause, Not Just For Political Progressiveness But Also Specifically For Gay Marriage And Specifically For Harvey Milk's Entire Life.

Since I Became A Dancer, I Have Felt Much Better About Myself.

[fur] Is Really Ridiculous. It's Outrageous. We're Not Living In Igloos. We Don't Need To Trade Pelts Anymore. There Is This Diabolical Idea That Fur Is Fashionable. It's Not. It's Death. There's No Excuse For It.

When You Feel Powerful, You Are Willing To Stand Up For Your Rights, You Are Willing To Stand Up For What You Believe In, You're More Willing To Stand Up And Be Counted.

I Really Love Steve Martin And All The Stuff He Did In The '70s. I Think It's Really Great.

A Lot Of The Actresses Who Were Around When I Started, I Don't Know Where They Are. Comics Stick Around.

You Don't Become A Republican Until You Lose All Your Baby Teeth And Fall Down A Lot And Get The Croup And Then Become Angry And Bitter.

My Attitude Toward Peace Does Not Depend On Which War We Are Discussing. I Think That Words Should Do The Work Of Bombs.

I Don't Know Why It's Anyone's Business! People Do What They Need To Do. I Did It, And It Was Nowhere Near As Traumatic As Being Raped. I Was So Numb For So Long That Sex Work For Me Was Not A Big Deal.

Most Conservatives Also Believe In The Death Penalty, But Not Abortion, Which Proves They Like To Procrastinate.

My Inclination During Sex Always Is To Use Sex Toys. That's Not Something Men Are Often Used To.

You Have To Have A Very Holler-y Sensibility. So They [the Audience] Know There's Something Worth Listening To.

I Think Sex Is Really About The Self, And Really A Self-reflection.

I Really (became) Very Independent. I Was Start(ed) To Write One-woman Shows And Mak(e) Films And To Me I Think I Really Felt Like My Choice (was) More Important Than Any Kind Of Career Goal.

[an Article About Cho] Started Out, "funny, Sexy, Zaftig Margaret Cho..." What Is "zaftig?" Isn't That German For "big Fat Pig?" I Guess I Was Lucky - "zaftig" Is Kind Of A Nice Word. It Could Have Been, "funny, Sexy, Obese Margaret Cho."

I Can Never Tell When Something Is Funny. I Just Have To Do It Onstage And Find Out.

Humanity Is A Natural Foil For Inhumanity, And Humanity Is What Will Ultimately Keep Us Going When All Else Has Failed.

It’s Like Your Batteries Get Low, And You Need To Charge Them On Someone Else’s Story.

I Knew I Was Crazy Because I Was Watching Jesus Christ Superstar And The Part Where Jesus Carries The Cross Up The Mountain, I Actually Said To Myself, "wow! That Must Be A Really Good Workout! Yeah, Because You're Doing Arms And Cardio!"

No Wonder All The Great Comedians Had Such Destructive Private Lives. ... After You Get The Audience Into That Kind Of Frenzy, And You Are Being Worshiped Like The False Idol You Are, How Do You Leave The Stage And Transition Back Into Real Life? ... What Is There Left To Do But Set Yourself On Fire?

I Use My Work As Catharsis. That's Often The Best Thing That We Can Do, Is To Allow Ourselves To Rage Because It's So Rare That We Get To. We're Told To Forgive - I Don't Want To! I Don't Want To Forgive My Abuser! I Don't Care To And I Don't Like That Assumption That Forgiveness Makes Me A Better Person. It's Not Authentic To Me, My Feelings And What I Need. But Everyone Has Their Own Way.

I Don't Like To Criticize Music And I Had A Really Hard Time Picking Out The Song I Hate For This Because I End Up Seeing And Working With Musicians All The Time.

There's Lot Of Social Censorship Now, Especially In This Era Of Ubiquitous Social Media.

It's Important To Feel Beautiful; It's Political To Feel Beautiful.

I Think Self-deprecation Is Such A Disease, And I Want To Cure Everybody Of It And So That's My Contribution.

I Think That Failure Is Just As Important As Success. In A Way, Failure Is A Kind Of Success If You Can Look At It In The Right Way, If You Can Accept It And Enjoy It In The Right Way.

Now On Facebook I Have All These 'friends' Who Used To Bully Me, And They're Like, 'we're So Proud! We Love You!' They Come To Shows And Want To Take A Picture, And They're Like, 'don't You Remember Us?' And I'm Like, 'i'm Sorry, I Don't.' And I Feel Bad, But I Feel Good.

All The Songs On Yankee Hotel Foxtrot Are The Encapsulation Of Heterosexual Love. I Have Different Records For Gay Sex.

I Am In Love With Counting Crows. It Is So Manly And American.

Over Half The World Menstruates At One Time Or Another, But You'd Never Know It. Isn't That Strange?

I've Spent So Much Time Feeling Ugly And Being Treated As Ugly As A Result. But I Changed My Attitude And Said, “i’m Beautiful Because I Love Everybody As Much As I Can. I’m Beautiful Because I Have Wonderful Friends. And I’m Beautiful Because I Say I Am. I’ve Earned It, And I’m Gonna Be It.

Wonderful Friends

I Get A Lot From Great '90s Artists Like Juliana Hatfield, The Pixies, And Bands Like That Dog And The Breeders.

[smoking] Was A Comfort, An Occupation, A Drug, A Casual Habit, A Distraction, A Way To Not Eat, A Way To Not Pay Attention, A Way To Not Feel.

I'm Not A Body Shamer. The Word Fat Has Been Used To Hurt Me My Entire Life.

People Drain Me, Even The Closest Of Friends, And I Find Loneliness To Be The Best State In The Union To Live In.

I Mean, What's Great About Touring Is That's What You Do. You're In A Constant State Of Motion And Then You Stop To Do A Show And You Move Onto The Next City. All You Have To Do Is Do The Show. That's The Only Responsibility That You Have.

I Have A Box Of Awards In The Closet. I Think It Is Weird To Put Them Out. I Might If I Had An Emmy Or Oscar, But I Don't.

Sex In General, For Me, Is A Lot Of Different Aspects Of Humanity, Not Just My Relationships. It's My Relationship To Myself And My Body.

The Stuff I Do And Say Onstage I Can Do Easily. As A Performer, That Comes Easily. But Being Social Offstage, It's Not Easy For Me.

In The Early '90s, There Was Such A Limited Idea Of What You Could See On Tv.

I Taught Sunday School For Two Years. And I Got Fired. I Abused My Authority. I Used To Teach Class Like This, "ok, If One More Person Talks, Everybody Is Going To Hell."

I'm Really Bad With Trolls Because I Have A Lot Of Really Intense Friends Who Are Not Necessarily Doing Things So Legally. If I Get Trolled, [my Friends Will Send Me] An Email With The Person's Social Security Number, Phone Number, Pictures Of His Family, His Business, His Spouse. I See This Person In His Totality, And I Feel So Bad. I Shouldn't Have That Power.

I Could Never Make A Joke About Somebody Unless I Could Say It To Their Face And They'd Laugh.

Why Go Through Life Feeling Cheated? It Does Nothing But Make You Bitter.

Korean Children Get A Lot Of Fuss Made Over Them, I Guess Because Life Was Tough In The Old Country, And It Was A Big Deal If You Survived. There's A Big Party Thrown When You Are 100 Days Old, Followed By Another When You Make It To One Whole Year.

I Became A Comedian Because I Didn't Want To Be Bullied Anymore. Onstage I Was Safe.

I Got Back From Toronto, Where They Had A Severe Outbreak Of Sars - You Know, Severe Asian Racism Syndrome.

The Label Of Tasteful Or Tasteless Is So Often Used To Silence People And To Maintain The Status Quo. It's Used To Shame People For Not Following The Commonly Accepted Routine, For Not Aligning Themselves With The Status Quo.

The Best Tattooists Are In San Francisco, And They're Kind Of Like My Family Now. I'm Always Excited To Come Back To San Francisco.

My Parents Never Really Had That Much Money, So I Kind Of Live In The Same World That They Do.

To Be A Feminist Is To Be Alive.

Try To Put Your Happiness Before Anyone Else's, Because You May Never Have Done So In Your Entire Life, If You Really Think About It, If You Are Really Honest With Yourself.

One Place That I Really Feel Comfortable Is Being A Comedienne. I'm Very Socially Inept. There's So Many Things That I Can Not Do In Life, And This Is, Like, The One Thing That I Have Mastery Over. It's My World. And Anybody Who's Coming To The Show, It's Like They're Coming Because They Know That This Is My World.

If You Really Care About Children Then Why Would You Want To Keep Families From Adopting Them?

I Think If Somebody Does Something Stupid, It's Okay To Make Fun Of Them, But [celebrities] Have Also Gotten Very Conscious About Social Media, Kind Of Like The Catholic Church In The 1500s.

I Punished Myself And Avoided My Reflection In Mirrors And Any Windows. I Would See Myself Reflected Back, And I Would Look Away, Trying To Pretend I Didn't Exist, Because I Hated Myself So Much.

My Former Bullies Pay Extra To Come Backstage And Meet Me After Shows, And I Pretend Not To Know Them In Front Of Their Friends. It Is The Most Divine Pleasure To Exact The Revenge Of The Brutalized Child That Resides Within.

Often Something That Is In Bad Taste Or Considered To Be In Bad Taste Is Something That's Just Very True But That People Are Unwilling To Discuss Or Comment On.

I've Always Wanted To Have Tattoos. I Grew Up Around People Who Were Very Tattooed. It's A Self-expression Thing; It's Also Helped Me Claim My Body As My Own. So I Think It's Really Positive. It's Really Joyful.

I Think That Sometimes People [who Overreact Or Lash Out] Will Hang On To Their Point Just Because They're So Embarrassed That They Made It. They Won't Set It Down Because They Are The Authors Of These [disproportionate Responses] And They Have A Lot To Be Embarrassed About.

White Fragility! White People Are So Sensitive About Race And Racial Conversations. I Feel Like I'm Always Walking On Eggshells When I'm Around White People.

Strange, There's So Much Religion In The World, But Only Enough To Make Us Fight Over Who Is Right, Not Enough To Make Us Love One Another.

I Think I Started Out Okay But With Aids Came A Great Deal Of Silence About Gayness And This Period Of Lose And Morning, But At The Same Time A Kind Of Feeling Like You Wanted To Get Back Into The Closet Because Being Gay Was Such A Terrible Thing At That Point.

In My Life, I Don't Wear Makeup, I Don't Care About Any Of The Trappings Of The "feminine," Or How I Look In Photographs. To Me, It's Irrelevant, Which I Think Is Really Shocking To People In The Industry That I'm In, Because It's Like, "you Should Always Look Good", But I Honestly Don't Care. It's Not Important To Me.

I Think Comedy Is An Angry Art Form; It's An Outsider Art Form. Anger And Comedy Are Really Connected. If I'm Angry About Something I Will Try To Think About Something Funny About It To Lighten The Load Of The Anger And Cope With The Anger.

As A Child, I Had A Lot Of Older Gay Men Taking Care Of Me. There's A Trust There. I Feel Like Little Girls And Old Gay Men Together - There's A Safety. They Make A Shield From All Of The Bad Things They've Experienced In The World. They Make A Home Together. There Are No Songs About That. I Don't Know If You Remember, But There Was A Show A Long Time Ago Called 'love, Sidney.'

I Just Think Women Are Funnier Than Men.

We Should Retain Our Anger In The Face Of Injustice And Not Be Shamed By That.

Silence Is So Often Applauded And Those Who Speak Out Are Often Called Tasteless.

I Was Lucky. I Always Had Really Great Friends In My Personal Life, People Always Just Knew Who I Was. It Wasn't Until I Was In Show Business Where That Sort Of Changed Or Shifted At First. I Have Always Had A Great Support Network. I Have Had A Lot Of Really Wonderful, Close Friends.

Its Funny Because When I Did Feel Like I Came Out And I Just Felt Like I Was Being Truthful To Myself, (it Was At) That Point I Became Very Successful. So You Know, It Took A True Kind Of Facing That Truth Of Myself And Being Honest, That Was When The Real Kind Of Fame Or Whatever That Kind Of Stuff Happened For Me.

Comedians And People In General Have A Cultural Right To Talk About Their Own Culture And Race.

I Don't Really Know What 'selling Out' Is Exactly. I Would Sell Out If I Could, But Nobody's Buying It. I Would Love To Go Mainstream, But My Comedy Is Too Edgy. It's Always Too Dirty. It's Always Too Filthy. I'm Dying To Sell Out. But I Love Doing Comedy, I Love Touring, And I Think I Would Do Everything For Free.

I Think The Best Way To Get Over Your Body Issues Is To Just Flaunt Your Body At Every Opportunity.

It's Completely Unsexy [yello, "oh Yeah" 1985]. It Does Capture That Weird '80s Materialism And "we're Gonna Get It On Now" Vibe. But It's A Very Juvenile Approach. It Also Became A Weird Signal For Comedy, In The Sense That When You Heard The Song, It Meant Comedy Was Happening On Screen. I Feel Like This Song Was Probably Done In A Couple Of Minutes In A Studio.

Kim Kardashian Is A Kind Of Archetype. But She Owns Her Beauty And Is Tremendously Successful. There's No Tragedy, There's No Drug Story. There's Just Her And Her Fame And Her Beauty. But Anna Nicole Created That Template Of Somebody That You'd Want To Watch On Reality Tv. Somebody That You'd Want To Invite Into Your Home Or As A Role Model, In Terms Of Beauty And Lifestyle And Glamour.

Anger And Comedy Are Really Connected.

I Like To Respond With Jokes And To Keep It As Light As Possible.

I Have A Song About How Much I Hate Emojis And The Lazy Thinking Of People Who Use Them. I Wish That More People Had Respect For The English Language.

I Feel Sorry For Anyone That I Am Obsessed With. I Am Worse Than Gum In Your Hair, Very, Very Close To The Roots.

I Don't Think I'm Gay. I Don't Think I'm Straight. I Think I'm Just Slutty. Where's My Parade?

That's Part Of Being An Artist; You Have To Be That Sensitive.

Being An Artist

I Don't Like Catchphrases Either. A Current One Would Be, "bye, Felicia." It's Used So Much That We Don't Even Know The Origin Anymore.

I’m Not Going To Die Because I Failed As Someone Else. I’m Going To Succeed As Myself.

Funny Inspirational

I Don't Want To Hurt Anybody Because Of Their Looks. That's Been Used To Hurt Me So Much.

I Helped Deliver One Of My Best Friend's Children. I Just Was So Amazed By My Friend, Because She Was Not Just A Woman, She Was Not Just A Mother. At That Moment She Was Creation; She Was Life; She Was God. And As I Looked In Her Eyes, Boom! Her Pussy Exploded.

Silence Equals Nonexistence. If I Don't Raise My Voice, It's Like I Never Existed.

When It Comes To Children, My Mom Doesn't Believe In Borders. She Loves All Children, And That's A Good Example Of Mothering The World. I Need To Do That, But Before I Can, I Need To Get Over My Fear Of Kids In The First Place.

Monogamy Is So Weird. Like When You Know Their Name And Stuff.

I Am Always Writing No Matter What I Am Doing And No Matter What It Is For.

That We Are Selfish Gives Us The Opportunity To Gain The Power So That, In Time, We Might Be Selfless. To Give Back What We Have Learned. To Teach What We Know, And Shorten The Journey For Those Who Will Come After Us.

Something As Important As Marriage Equality, Which Is Now A Constitutional Right [in The Usa], Is Something That Cannot Be Denied. It's Also Very Un-christian, If You Think About The Way Christ Was And Christ's Teachings. This Is Not Loving. This Is Anger. This Is Hatred. This Is Bigotry. And It's Wrong.

I Started [performing] So Young That It Might Have Just Been That I Kind Of Had To Grow Up And Make People Understand That I Was Worth Listening To, Even Though I Was A Child.

The Intention Is To Make People Laugh, To Make People Happy. It's Unselfish, It's In The Service Of Others, And As A Comedian You Are Making Yourself Vulnerable In Order To Make Others Happy. And It Has A Transformative Power.

Make Others Happy

There's This Idea Like Feminism Is Humorless And Humorless In A Way That's Like A Whistleblower. Like You're Going To - You're Going To Make Sure That Nobody Has Any Fun. And That's Not True At All. I Think Feminism Allows Me To Do What I Do, And I'm So Grateful To The Idea Of It And Grateful To All The Women That Came Before.

One Of My First Jobs Was On A Lesbian Cruise. I Was The Ship Comedian For The Lesbian Love Boat.

My Life Is Anything But Typical.

It's Always Considered Bad Taste To Comment On A Tragedy Right When It's Happening, But I Love When Something Is Considered Too Soon To Talk About Because Then You Can Blast Past That Social Censorship To Get Into Something Real.

I'm A Huge Fan Of The People And Things That Are Considered The Epitomes Of Tastelessness - Things Like Drag And Raunchy Comedy.

I Have So Much Hate That It Has Turned Into Love.

I Thought I Was So Ugly For So Long, And I Wasted So Much Of My Life On This Dumb Notion.

My History In Show Business Spans Over A Quarter Of A Century, And I Have Seen Many People In The Industry Struggle With Coming Out, Only To Find Much More Success After They Finally Did.

I Don't Want To Bring Myself Down To Place Where There Are Hard And Fast Rules. In General I Try To Be Compassionate, But That Is Dependent On The Moment Ultimately.

Pot Is An Insidious Drug Because It Can Steal Your Life Away From You, Without You Even Being Aware Of It. I Had A Love Affair With Pot For Ten Years. Pot Was My Most Devoted Partner.

When I Do An Asian Character Or An Asian Voice I'm Doing One Because That's My Heritage And My Family And Where I Come From. My Family Is Of Korean Descent And Specifically North Korean Descent. So It Makes Sense For Me To Talk About That Issue Because It's The Only Weapon I Have To Somehow Avenge My Family And My History.

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