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I Once Looked In The Mirror At Myself And Noticed That, Without A Doubt, I Am A Sexy Man. In Fact, I Don't Think I'll Ever Get Married...it Just Wouldn't Be Fair For My Spouse To Catch Me Enjoying A Look In The Mirror More Than Having Sex With Her.

-Zach Braff

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I Once Looked In

Zach Braff

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I Once Looked In The Mirror At Myself And Noticed That, Without A Doubt, I Am A Sexy Man. In Fact, I Don't Think I'll Ever Get Married...it Just Wouldn't Be Fair For My Spouse To Catch Me Enjoying A Look In The Mirror More Than Having Sex With Her.

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My Mother's A Psychologist, My Stepfather's A Psychologist, My Stepmother Is A Therapist And My Dad's A Lawyer. So It Was All Prominent In My Life. I Don't Know Anyone Who Doesn't Know Someone On Some Form Of Prescription Medicine.

I Don't Belive Oprah's Sexual Abuse Stories, I Mean Who Would Take A Black Girl When There Are Plenty Of White?

It Was Really Starting To Get Pathetic, Everyday They Would Come In Looking For One Thing Or Another. 'zach, Can You Give Me Some Acting Tips?' 'zach, Will You Let Me Blow You?' 'can I Have Some Cash?' That's When I Made The Call, That's When I Decided Seven Was Enough

I Really Don't Give A Care, I'm Going To Live For Ever

Hitler Had The Right Idea. He Was Just An Underachiever.

I Wouldn't Exactly Call It 'intelligent', But Somebody Has To Be Behind Designing The Human Form Other Than Just Biological Necessity. Why Else Would Women Have Arms? Or Feet? Or Mouths?

The Fact That 'scrubs' Is So Popular In Israel Is Very Important To Me. I Feel Like I'm Helping To Cancel Out The Thousands Of Years Of Oppression The Jewish People Have Suffered.

Well I Can Understand Why Men Want It To Be Legal. Obviously They're All Hoping They Might Get To Marry Me Someday. I Hate To Burst Their Bubble, But They Should Just Give It Up Now. Zach Braff Doesn't Sway That Way, You Know?

So For Front-runners We Have A Black And A Woman. It's Like Being Made To Choose Between Syphilis Or Having And Old Man Crap On Your Face. I Would Do The Country A Favor And Run Myself But I Couldn't Deprive Hollywood Of Me For 4 Years.

I Have A Great Relationship With My Parents. I Have Not Been On Lithium.

Great Relationship

Sure The Jews Killed Jesus, But The Guy Was An Awful Carpenter

Im Just Not Really Attracted To Black Chicks.

Sure, It Was Terrible And All, But You Have To Ask Yourself: If The Whole City Was Flooded, Why Couldn't They Just Swim To Safety?

I Think We Have To Acknowledge That People Are Different And Succeed At Different Things, First Of All. Men Are Better Than Women At Some Professions Like Firefighting, Construction Work, And Physics. But Women Are Better Than Men At Some Professions, Too, Like Elementary Teaching, Prostitution, And Giving Birth. Who's To Say Which Is More Important?

Every Single Person Wants To Do It, Don't Hate Me Because I Had The Guts To Follow My Heart!

I Don't Get Why Arabs Are So Pissed Off At Us. I Mean They Have Enough Oil For All Of Them To Drive A Hummer At What, Maybe 1.50 A Gallon?

I Mean, Nobody's Ever Thrown A Big Rock At Me Or My Friends, But We're All Pretty Tough Guys And Could Probably Handle It.

I'd Really Like To Give Back To The World, But Everything I've Achieved, I've Earned On My Own, So What's The Point?

If We've Learned Anything, It's That The Combination Of Yellow Smiley Faces And Blue Polyester Vests Are Irresistible To The Inbred.

Hitler Was About Population Control.

Population Control

I Don't Think That Other Races Are Inferior, I Just Think That There's Something Special About White People. Sometimes, When I Think About All The Things White People Have Accomplished Throughout History, I Smile, And I Nod, And I Think To Myself, 'yeah, I'm Glad I'm On That Team.'

Its Not That I'm In Love With Myself, I'm Just Trying To Pick Up Everyone Else's Slack.

It's Not Terrible, I Guess, But If Ricky Gervais Was Half As Talented As Me, Maybe The Show Would Actually Be Funny Once In A While.

I've Had To Remove All Mirrors From My Home. I Just Can't Seem To Look At Myself Without Having To Buff The Bishop, You Know?

Over Half A Century On And They're Still Complaining About It. Compare It To The Fact That Garden State Didn't Win An Oscar And They Seem A Little Petty If You Ask Me. I Guess That Just Goes To Show What Kind Of People They Really Are.

Turning Water To Wine? I Mean C'mon, That's Stupid. They Should Have Let Me Write The Bible.

When You Win Your First Grammy, It's True, You Really Want To Thank All The Little People.

I Just Don't See How Anyone Can Hate America. I Mean, Crap, I Live There. What More Do You Need?

I Never Taught A Blind/deaf Chick To Read, But Somehow I've Managed To Turn Scrubs Into A Watchable Show. That May Not Sound Like Much, But Take A Look At My Surrounding Cast And Ask Yourself, Who's The Real Miracle Worker?

Oh Sure, I Have A Few Black People In My Family Tree. They're Probably Still Hanging There.

I Certainly Do Not Consider Myself The Next Jesus. I'd Say He Was More Of A Precursor To Zach Braff.

I Don't Think Restaurants Should Refuse To Serve Minority People. They Are Quite Tasty When Prepared Correctly.

People Always Say The God Father Is The #1 Movie Of All Time. But Ask Yourself, Did You See Zach Braff In It....no You Didn't. So Then By Default It Goes To Garden State..and If Youwatch Two Episodes Of Scrubs Back To Back That Counts As The #2.

I Was Originally Set To Star In 'the Bourne Identity,' But I Found It Too Difficult To Even Pretend To Forget Who I Was.

A Lot Of People Consider 9/11 To Be A Tragedy, And In Some Ways It Is, But I Think There's Also Opportunity For A Lot Of Humor There.

Michael Eisner Contacted Me Once And Asked Me If He Could Change The Name Of Disneyland To 'braffland.' I Said No, Because Whenever I Go To Disneyland There's Always Fat People Everywhere Wearing Tight Clothes. Disneyland, Frankly, Has A Lot Of Improving To Do Before It Gets My Namesake.

They Say The Number On Rule In Showbusiness Is Not To Work With Animals. I Guess I'm Above The Rules Because I Put Up With That For Seven Years.

I Was Excited About The Dark Knight Until Heath Ledger Gave Away The Ending, Batman Always Wins.

Being Around Blind People Is Always A Little Frustrating To Me Because I Know They Have No Idea How Handsome I Am.

You Know I Was Just Taking A Dump One Day, And Then As I Sat There I Realized, I Really Do Deserve Better.

It's... It's Such A Weird Thing. After Garden State, So Many Companies Wanted To Make My Movies, And After The Last Kiss, I Realized People Would Make Anything I Was In. As Long As I Keep This Up I'll Be Swimming In Chubby Indie Girl Pussy.

I Mean, Personally, I Would Have Had No Problem Surviving. Come On, How Hard Is It To Swim?

People Keep Asking Me Whether I'm Going To Vote For Obama Or Mccain In The Election. But I'm Like, Why Bother? There Will Never Be Another Leader As Good As He Was.

When I Was Told They Wanted The Show To Be About Doctors, I Was A Bit Reluctant To Sign On, You Know? I Thought, Why Have A Show About Doctors When We Could Have A Show About The Real Heroes, You Know, Like Me?

Probably The Most Memorable Even Of My Life Is When I Was Born. It Really Made Me Who I Am. If I Die, I Hope To Go Out The Same Way I Came In, But I Don't Think My Mother Would Be Into That.

I'm A Film Geek Man. I Love Toys. I Love Everything In Filmmaking, So For Me To Just Be Around This Technology Is Just So Cool To Watch It Being Used For The First Time, Some Of The Stuff.

It's Really Hard To Find Parts That Challenge Me As An Actor These Days. At This Point In My Career, I Feel Like I Can Just Sleepwalk Through Most Of My Roles And Still Do A Better Job Than 90 Percent Of The Actors Out There.

I Find My Movie Props In My Neighbors Houses.

The Success Of 'scrubs' Allowed Me To Pursue Anything I Felt Passionately About Without Having To Worry About Money. It Allowed Me To Spend My Summer Work Shopping My Show At A Nonprofit Theater.

I Think A Lot Of People Are Drawn To Seeing People That Want To Be Better. We See It In Ourselves.

Yeah I Saw An Inconvenient Truth, And I Dont Want To Say It Was Preachy But Let's Not Kid Ourselves, I've Got Far More Important Work To Do

That Cyclone In Burma? That Was Just Me Doing The Dance To That Annoying Ass Song.

It's Funny When I Read The Tabloids And They're Reporting On Only A Fraction Of The Life I'm Leading.

I Once Fisted Two Babies And Then Used The Corpses As Boxing Gloves To Fight Off The Grieving Parents.

I Don't Think It's That Bad, I Mean, I Love People Following Me Around And Helping Me Do Stuff.

People Ask Me, 'did The Fame Come Too Fast? Do You Ever Wish For Your Old Life?' I Always Tell Them That There's Nothing On Earth Better Than Being Famous.

I'm Pretty Sure Africa Was Made Up By The Media To Scare People. I Mean, I've Never Seen It. Have You? I Didn't Think So.

It's All About Being A Part Of Something In The Community, Socializing With People Who Share Interests And Coming Together To Help Improve The World We Live In.

So, Yeah, I Mean, There Is Something Universal About That Feeling - That 20-something, What The Hell Am I Going To Do With My Life, I'm Lost And My Parents Are Freaking Me Out, And What's The Point? Every Generation Has A Way Of Making That Unique, But There Are Certain Universals Of That Feeling.

One Time This Guy On The Street Wanted Me To Give Him A Medical Opinion, Because I'm A Doctor On Tv. I'm Also A Real Doctor. But I'm Also Zack Braff, So I Kicked Him In The Groin.

I'm Really Not One To Brag, But I Think My Job Is One Of The Most Important Things Someone Can Do With Their Life. I Mean, It Really Gives People A Chance To Live Outside Their Means Through Someone Else's Vision. And I Think That's Something Really Great That I Can Give Back To The Community. Sure I Could Be A Doctor Or A Lawyer, But Do They Really Help Anyone? Sure You Can Save Someone's Life, But Can You Really Change It For The Better? I'm Not Saying Their Jobs Aren't Important, Just Not As Important As Mine.

The Thing About Hitting Kids Is, Think About If You Were Doing The Same Thing To Another Adult. Hitting Your Kid Is Really The Same As Hitting Your Employee Or Wife, And The Issue Become Pretty Clear When You Think About It That Way.

Prohibition Didn't Work, So Why Should Emancipation Work? I Think We Should Just Stick With A System That Has Proven To Be Effective.

If John Mccain Were Really A War Hero He Would've Won Vietnam.

Best Movie Ever?! Come On, My Appearance On Arrested Development Had More Dynamics, Realism And Feel To It Than The Whole Trilogy Combined.

Yea, He's Alright...but He's No Zach Braff.

Once Both Gay Marriage And Marijuana Are Finally Legal, Those Of You Against Them Are Not Invited To The Really Fun Parties I'm Gonna Throw.

I Want To Take Piano Lessons, I Want To Study At University, I Want To Travel, I Want To Do Other Parts, Make Another Movie.

When Things Seem To Be Slowing Down, There's This Little Trick I Like To Play. I'd Plow This Virgin Who's On Her Period, And After I'm Done I'd Just Run Out Into The Living Room, Or The Dance Floor, With All That Bloody Goop On My Junk And Yell, Oh My God, I've Been Shot In The Nads! Yeah, Good Times.

It Blows My Mind That There Are People Out There Who Deny The Holocaust. Why Would You Ever Deny Such A Great Achievement. It's Like Denying The Cure For Polio Or Something.

I Can't Watch The News Anymore. They Have Their Priorities All Out Of Whack. All I See Is Natalee Holloway And Britney Spears And The War In Iraq. Where's The Substantive News? Where's The Zach Braff Coverage?

Well, I'm Not Saying That America Is A Bad Place Or Anything. I Just Think 9/11 Needed To Happen Sooner Or Later.

To Say I Live A Cursed Life Is An Understatement. I Have To Get Up Every Day And Work With People Who Are Not As Successful As Me Nor Will They Ever Be As Successful As Me. Nobody Knows The Struggles I Go Through.

They Don't Know I'm Staring, What Does It Matter If I Keep On Doing It?

I Love Queers As Much As The Next Guy, I Just Don't Think I Should Have To Sit Beside Them On Public Transport.

I Heard About The Dalai Lama, You Know And I Thought To Myself, Why Not Me?

The Problem With Doing Commercials Is That The Only Thing Good Enough For Me To Sell Is Myself, And I Stopped Doing That Once I Kicked My Coke Habit.

Yea, I Had A Dream Too. Looks Like Mine Came True.

Yeah I Thought About Making The Character Of Jd Gay... But Then I Thought, But What About All The Poor Girls Dreams You'll Be Crushing

I Mean, I Know Thousands Of People Died And Everything, But If It Happened Today, There's Just No Excuse. They'd Be Much Safer Inside A Movie Theater Watching One Of My Movies Instead Of Burning Alive In A Collapsing Skyscraper.

I Blame Walt Disney; Well He Has To Find Voice Actors Better Than Me Somehow Doesn't He?

I'm Not Sure When Or Why The Tabloid Angle On Me Was Decided That I Am A Cad. I Would Have Much Rather It Had Been That I Am Secretly A Dentist Or That I Love Soup.

Ever Since I Was Little It Was Programmed Into Me That London Is Where Great Theatre Occurs And All The Big Shows You Love Start There.

You Know How They Do That Effect In Movies, Where They Make It Look Like You Have A Twin, But It's Really Just The Same Actor Playing Both Characters In The Scene? I Knew This Would Be The Best Route, But I Just Wasn't Comfortable Dressing As A Woman, So I Had To Hire Other Actors.

People Compared Garden State To The Graduate, But When Was The Last Time You Saw Dustin Hoffman Doing What I Do?

I Don't Want To Blame It All On 9/11, But It Certainly Didn't Help Matters.

Every Time I See A Child Walking Down The Street I Like To Trip Them. While They Look For Their Missing Teeth, I Personally Remind Them That No Matter How Hard They Try I Will Always Be Better Than Them.

It Raises Several Serious Questions. For Example, How Can There Possibly Be More Than One Person As Awesome As Me?

The Only Real Difference Between Hookers, Stippers, Sluts And Regualar Women How Many Times You Can Hit Them Before They Cry. Hookers Can Really Take A Punch, I'll Tell You That Much.

I Mean, I Understand That Scrubs Was My Big Break, But Sooner Or Later You Have To Move On. I've Already Directed A Movie, Which Received Very Good Reviews, So It Just Seems Much More Important To Me Now. I Feel That In Order To Better Foster My Creativity As An Actor And Director At This Point, I Need To Be Surrounded By Other Talented, Artistic Individuals, Instead Of Just Goofy Comedians.

I Had A Dream Once. I Wanted To Do A Line Of Cocaine Off A Hooker's Ass. That's When I Realized, 'hey, I'm Freakin' Zach Braff.' I Did It The Next Morning.

When I Think About The Holidays, I Think About The Salvation Army Guys Ringing Bells In Front Of Stores. They're Always So Nice To You And They're Always Willing To Give A Heart To Heart Conversation. They Actually Bear The Winter Cold To Ask For Your Petty Cash With A Smile On Their Face. Fudge Those Guys.

Lots Of People Were Giving Me Flak When I Made The Deal To Do The Very Last Season Of Scrubs For $350,000 An Episode. When Really I'm The One That's Being Cheated, Because The Writer's Strike Is Keeping Me From All The Money That I Could Be Making. I Need To Eat, Too.

I'm Kind Of Jealous Of The Life I'm Supposedly Leading.

Minutes To Learn, A Lifetime To Master. People Just Don't Understand That

I'm Not Saying Eating Babies Should Be Legal, But When They're So Delicious, What's The Harm In It? I Don't Know What Tastes Better, Their Innocence Or Their Gooey Rib Butter.

It's Just Gods Way Of Getting Babies To Heaven Faster!

At First, I Didn't Really Care If Global Warming Existed. But Then I Realized It Means That Less Bums Would Freeze To Death In The Winter

Look On The Bright Side; That's One Bullet That's Not Going To Hit Me.

In A Perfect World, Everybody Would Be Gay. I Mean If Everybody Looked Like Zach Braff, You Just Wouldn't Be Able To Resist.

I Actually Did Ponder Doing The Brad Pitt/angelina Jolie Thing And Get A Kid From Ethiopia. But You Know, I Already Have An Ashtray.

People Have Called Me Fake, But Personally, I Don't Think I'm Fake Because I'm So Insincere.

Now, I'm Not Going To Be Misquoted On This Like I Have Numerous Times Before, So I'll Be Quite Clear. I've Never Said Hitler Was My Hero, Just That If He Had Focused On More Than One Race He Would Have Had The Right Idea. Try To Turn That One Against Me.

I'm Not Gay, But I'm Still The Kind Of Guy Where, Even Though You Have No Chance, They Still Want To Hang Around Me So You Can Get A Good Mental Image And Jerk Off To Me Later.

I Figure It This Way - If A Woman Claims She Didn't Want Me To Fudge Her, Then You Already Know She's A Liar. So What The Hell's The Point Of A Trial, Y'know?

I Don't Have Anything Against This Jesus Guy, But Has He Written, Directed, And Starred In His Own Movie?

It Has Been Pretty Much Downhill Ever Since The 13th Amendment

I'm Not The Kind Of Person Who Digs Through Things Other People Have Thrown Away.

I'm Not Lazy, I Drive Everywhere Myself, The Dog Could've Learned Something From Me.

There's A Lot Of Gray Area In The Law. Who Can Say, Without A Doubt, That I Was In The Wrong?

Some People Just Can't Handle That They Will Never Be A Better Actor Than Me

I'm A Big Proponent Of 'don't Ask, Don't Tell,' In Fact, I Enforce It Strictly On All Of My Dates. First, I Don't Ask Them For Sex, And Then I Warn Them Not To Tell Anyone After I'm Through.

Now That 'scrubs' Is Over, People Seem To Feel More Comfortable Telling Me That I Was A Total Douche To Them For The Past 8 Years. And The Whole Time I'm Thinking, 'who Are You?'

One Of The Things About Scrubs Is That It's About Great Friendships And... As Broad And As Serious As We Get It's Always Really About Friendship. It's About Getting Through The Challenging Parts Of Your Life With The Help Of Your Friends.

Sometimes You Just Gotta Use What God Gave You To The Best Of Your Abilities.

My Co-stars Aren't Bad Actors, But They're No Zach Braff.

My Dog Has A Cough. If You've Never Seen A Dog With A Cough, I Recommend Trying To Find One. It's Hilarious.

I Have No Desire To Make Money Off Musicians. I Just Want To Promote Them Because I Want To Share Music.

Don't Get Me Started On Cold Toilet Seats.

It's A Good Thing I'm A Professional And Could See The Pure Genius Talent Behind The Raw Sexual Beauty.

I Think There Are Bound To Be Obstacles In Any Path To Success. I Mean, I'm Jewish, And There's Nothing I Can Do About That. Instead Of Sitting Around And Feeling Sorry For Myself, I Got Over It And Did Something With My Life.

You Don't Need An Alarm Clock When You Sleep With 20 Models A Night, One Of Those Broads'll Figure Out That They Better Make Breakfast In Bed Or I'll Kill All Of Them.

I Know The Bible Isn't Real Because It Never Once Mentions Me.

When I Played The Shins, I Changed Someone's Life. When I Play Belle And Sebastian In A Pivotal Scene In My Next Movie...well, Let's Just Say I Made Sure I That I Can't Be Held Legally Responsible For All The Deaths People Will Suffer Out Of Shock Upon Hearing Them. They're A Terrific Band.

A Child's Death Is Really Of Less Value Than An Adult's. I Mean, What Could You Really Accomplish In A Year? Not Much, And That's Not Even Talking About, You Know, Pay-wise.

It Used To Be That You Came Out Of School, And You Got Married - Those Who Were Going To Get Married. But My Peers Are Getting Married In Their Early 30s, So Now There's Like This Extra 10 Years Of That Angst.

A Kid Came Up To Me The Other Day And Said, 'hey, You're The Guy On Scrubs!' Kid, I Am Scrubs, And Don't You Forget It.

When You're The Director And The Writer, You Never Have To Remember Your Lines, And There's No One To Call You On It. On Garden State I Did Different Lines On Every Take, Just Making Crap Up. And It Was Great Each Time.

Compared To My Talents, Whoopi Goldberg Is Like One Of Those Fake Plastic Buddhas You Get At Dollar Stores. I Mean Really, I Fail To See The Humor In An Overweight Negro Woman With Dreadlocks, No Eyebrows, And Is Named After A Childish Term For Flatulence.

What Else Could I Tell Them? I Like My Women Like I Like My Whiskey: 12 Years Old And Mixed Up With Coke.

I Don't Care About Image And All That Nonsense. I'm In Sweat Pants Every Day. I Don't Play The Game At All.

I Really Don't Know Why We Need A Whole Month Dedicated To Blacks. It's Not Like They're The Only Ones That Suffered. I Mean, What About Us Whites? We're The Ones That Have To Deal With These Monkeys Everyday, But You Don't See Us Demanding A Whole Month To Ourselves.

I'm Not Saying I Hate Jews, I'm Just Saying That I Think They Shouldn't Be Alive Any More.

Dude, Writing, Acting And Directing Are Such Easy Jobs. But To Do Them All As Awesomely As Zach Braff Does, Well That... That's Something.

The Best Way To Travel Abroad Is To Live With The Locals.

I Know Every Politician Spins The Truth A Little.

Everyone Has A Warped Vision Of Hollywood And What Success In Hollywood Is Like.

My Tears Cure Cancer Too, It's Just That I Laugh At Cancer Patients.

I Was Stuck In Traffic One Day And Just Kinda Thought It Would Be Funny To Masturbate. It Was Sunny And Clear Out, So I Was Worried One Of The Other Drivers Would See Me, But My Jeep Is Pretty High Off The Ground, So I Think No One Noticed. I Busted A Nut And Aimed It Down, Ruining My Tweety Bird Floor Mat. I Felt Kinda Stupid After And My Mom Kept Silent The Rest Of The Drive Home. It Was Awkward And I Regret It.

I Always Liked The Story Of Noah's Ark And The Idea Of Starting Anew By Rescuing The Things You Like And Leaving The Rest Behind.

In Theater Or Movies You See Either 'i'm Religious' Or 'i'm An Atheist.' I've Never Seen Too Much Discussion Of 'i Believe There's A Higher Power But I'm Hesitant To Reach Out To Him Because I Don't Know If I'm Worthy Of His Attention.

I Really Couldn't Say How Famous I Really Am, That's For The History Books To Decide. But I'll Probably Be Pretty Up There.

Am I Really Gonna Deny Someone The Opportunity Of A Lifetime Just Because They Met Me 5 Easters Early?

I've Always Tried To Learn From The Greats: Orson Welles, Humphrey Bogart, Ghandi, Buddha, Jesus... It's Just That There's This Tremendous Pressure To Correct All The Things They Got Wrong.

Bigger Than The Beatles? Well, How Many Grammys Did They Win? Exactly, None, Yet I Have One, And I've Never Even Released A Cd.

I Know I Probably Should Be Sad About My Mother's Cancer... But She Still Hasn't Seen The Last Kiss, You Know?

I Had A Very Funny Family.

I Really Do Take More Vacations Than The President. You Can Quote Me On That.

I Think The Saddest Moments In Life Have Humor In Them. I Have A Memory Of Coming Home From A Funeral With My Family In The Back Of A Limousine And Someone Cracking A Joke And Us Just Hysterically Belly Laughing. It's How We Always Dealt With Tragedy In Our Lives And I Think It's Such A Healthy Way To Deal With Sadness.

Maybe That's All That Family Really Is, A Group Of People Who All Miss The Same Imaginary Place.

I Love 'scrubs.' It's The Best Day Job In The World.

I Don't Mind It If Blacks Want Equal Rights, As Long As They Mean Rights Equal To A Dog

I Believe The General Consensus Is The Bigger It Is, The More Women Flock To You. I Guess Its A Good Thing Mine Is Huge!

One Time I Considered Making A Video Game About My Life Where People Control A Character Called 'zach Braff' And Run Around Being Awesome. Then I Realized That Getting To Pretend To Be Me Would Be Like Shooting Up Heroin For Anyone Who Played It, And I Don't Want That On My Conscience.

It's A Give And Take Relationship With My Fans. They Give Me Love And Adoration, And I Take It From Them.

I Use The N Word Almost Daily. It Reminds Me That I'm Successful

I Can't Say I Agree With Something That Takes The Focus Away From Me.

If God Wanted Women To Be Treated Equally To Men, He'd Have Given Them Penises.

Don't Get Me Wrong, I Love The Idea Of Killing Unwanted Babies, It's Just That The Idea Of Letting Women Make A Decision Doesn't Sit Well With Me.

I Love Signing Autographs! Sometimes, When People Ask Me For One, I Keep The Photo For Myself And Frame It. It's A Win-win Situation Really; I Get An Extra 25 Dollars In My Pocket And Another Portrait For My Bedroom.

If A Benevolent God Exists, So Does Reincarnation. He Wouldn't Send Me Here Just Once.

I'm A Busy Guy; I Just Get A Lot Of People That Sound Like Me To Go Out And Visit Them. They Don't Know The Difference And, Let's Face It, They Aren't Going To Be Paying To See My Movies Anytime Soon.

Put God And Me In A Cage, What Do You Think Who Will Win. God, Because I Created Him.

I Don't Ask Questions. I Just Figure The Extra Warm Days Are God's Way Of Rewarding Me For Garden State

People Are Always Going To Find Fault With Anything You Do, Any Process That You're A Part Of. The Creative Process Means Taking Risks, I've Taken Risks And I've Made Mistakes, But The Bottom Line Is, Could Anyone Else Have Done Any Better ? I Have To Believe That What I Created Was Worthwhile.

Everyday I Question Myself. I Look In The Mirror, Or Read One Of My Scripts, Or I Reflect On My Acting And I Say To Myself 'that Was Good...but Was It Zach Braff Good?' Lets Just Say Things Have Been Looking Pretty Zach Braff So Far.

If Democrats Want To Start Winning Elections In This Country, They're Going To Have To Start Connecting With Voters As Well As I Connect With My Fans.

I Know That [mike] Tyson Talked About Wanting To Eat His Opponent's Children, But I Don't Think He Ever Had The Balls To Do It. I'm Different - When I Kidnapped Bill Lawrence's Daughter, I Cut Off All Of Her Fingers Before Sending My Demands So That I Wouldn't Have To Sit There And Wait For Him To Ignore Them. We Worked Things About About Nine Hours In, Which Is Good Because I Ate Her Thumb As A Midnight Snack.

I Don't Even Like The Show That Much, I Mean, It's About Doctors. It's Not Like Doctors Are As Important As Actors Anyway, I Bet I've Saved More Lives With My Acting Talent Then Any Doctor Has.

I Love The Holiday Season, Almost As Much As I Love Touching Myself In Front Of Orphans.

Actually, I Stopped Looking At Myself In The Mirror Years Ago. I Wasn't Making It To Work On Time.

When I Was Little I Always Wanted To Drive A Train. That, And Become A Baker.

For Me, Acting In Scenes With Other People Is Like Playing Soccer With A Bunch Of Legless Five Year Olds. It's Not Really Fair To Them, But What Else Can I Do, You Know?

I Never Really Understood All The Hype, Until I Got One Of My Own.

Women Have The Right To Choose What Do With Their Own Bodies. They Can Take It In The Cooch Or In The Pooper. But That's Where Their Right To Choose Stops, In My Opinion.

People Often Ask Me When There's Going To Be A Mrs. Zach Braff. It's A Confusing Question Sometimes Because Many People Don't Realize That My Mother Is Named Mrs. Zach Braff.

I Think The [new England] Patriots' Season Should Have An Asterisk Next To It Because Everything They're Accomplishing Is Against Teams Coached By People Other Than Me.

It's Not That George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People, God Made Hurricanes, Not People Who Can't Swim.

I Think Sports Are Very Beneficial In The Fight Against Obesity. I Remember Playing Little League - I Was The Best Person On The Pitch By A Long Shot. It Was Only Last Weekend Actually, I Think I Have Some Photos Of It If You're Interested.

It Depresses Me When People Expect Me To Be Like The Characters I Play On Film. I'm Not Some Whiny Loser Punk, I'm A Man's Man.

I Think A Big Part Of Being A Success Is Confidence. Just Look At Me, I Know I'm Successful, And I Am.

You Know, I've Occasionally Tried To Watch Other Shows Besides Scrubs, But Comparing Them Is A Bit Like Me Competing In The Special Olympics. Obviously I Would Win Without Contest, But The Point Is That They Are Trying Their Best.

People Always Tell Me I Should Run For President, But I Don't Think They'd Give Me Enough Time Off To Make My Films.

I Mean, What's Eleven Million People Now Days?

I'm Sure Lots Of Actors And Creative People Go Through This, Where You Have Some Weeks Where It's All Going According To Plan And Some Weeks Where You're Super Frustrated.

It's Not That I Think The Nazis Were Right, Or Anything. It's Just That, We Weren't There, We Don't Know.

I Think I Suffer From Some Mild Depression.

Without Me, Scrubs Would Be Worse Than The Holocaust. But With Me In It, It's Turned Into The Lolocaust.

I Always Wanted To Direct Movies. That's What I Set Out To Do. When I Was A Little Kid I Just Dreamed Of Making Movies, And I Went To Film School [at Northwestern University].

I Don't Like The Term 'black People', I Find It Demeaning To Those Of Us That Actually Qualify As 'people'.

I Could See Why Someone Would Want To Make A Website About Me, And My Quotes. They Are All Gold. How Many People Have Written, Directed And Starred In Their Own Movies. I Just Don't Know Why They Would Want To Put Words Into My Mouth, I Mean I Did Write, Direct And Star In A Critically Acclaimed Movie.

I Went To Film School And Wanted To Learn Everything There Was About Making Movies.

Didn't We Learn Our Lesson From Planet Of The Apes?

I Had No Interest In Sports So I Didn't Make Friends In That Traditional Way Where Kids Are In Public School And They Go And They Join Clubs, And Play Sports. So I Kind Of Had To Find My Own Way To Make Friends And Get Attention And So I Just Was The Class Clown.

So I Was At The Gas Station The Other Day, And I Saw That There Was Braille On The Pumps. I Don't See How They Can Cater To Blind Drivers. I Mean, There Are Certain Rights You Should Lose Once You Lose What Makes You A Person.

I'm Always Being Told By Directors That I Add Chemistry To Scenes, So I Mean How Difficult Could It Be?

I Guess Sometimes God Just Needs To Laugh

I Mean, Some People Accuse Me Of Being Racist. I'm Totally Not, I'm Just Better Than Everybody Else.

I Mean, So What If It's A Little Dangerous? A One-armed Kid Is Comedy Gold.

I Lot Of People Remember When That Kid Spray-painted My Brand New Porsche For Punk'd. That Was Pretty Funny. He Got Me Pretty Good. Of Course, Most People Don't Know I Eventually Got Him Back With My Own Show. I Call It A Show, Really It's Just An Hour-long Video Shot In My Bedroom Featuring The Two Of Us.

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Colleen McCullough

Bruce Beresford

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