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I'm Afraid Many Women Do Choose The Wedding Over The Marriage. It Seems A Steep Price To Pay, But It Comes From A Place Of Deep, Sad Longing To Be Loved And To Have It Proven That You Are Of Value.

-Elizabeth Gilbert

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I'm Afraid Many Women

Elizabeth Gilbert

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I'm Afraid Many Women Do Choose The Wedding Over The Marriage. It Seems A Steep Price To Pay, But It Comes From A Place Of Deep, Sad Longing To Be Loved And To Have It Proven That You Are Of Value.

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Every Healthy Marriage Is Composed Of Walls And Windows. The Windows Are The Aspects Of Your Relationship That Are Open To The World—that Is, The Necessary Gaps Through Which You Interact With Family And Friends; The Walls Are The Barriers Of Trust Behind Which You Guard The Most Intimatesecrets Of Your Marriage.

I Had Always Been Taught That The Pursuit Of Happiness Was My Natural (even National) Birthright. It Is The Emotional Trademark Of My Culture To Seek Happiness. Not Just Any Kind Of Happiness, Either, But Profound Happiness, Even Soaring Happiness. And What Could Possibly Bring A Person More Soaring Happiness Than Romantic Love.

Pursuit Of Happiness

People Will Always Want Intimacy With One Chosen Person And You Cannot Have Intimacy Without Privacy, Which Is Why Couples Draw Circles Of Privacy Around Themselves. They Demand That Family, Neighbors And The Law Respect Their Union, And That Is Why We Have Marriage.

I'm Afraid Many Women Do Choose The Wedding Over The Marriage. It Seems A Steep Price To Pay, But It Comes From A Place Of Deep, Sad Longing To Be Loved And To Have It Proven That You Are Of Value.

I Am Stronger Than Depression And I Am Braver Than Loneliness And Nothing Will Ever Exhaust Me.

I Think Of Modern Marriage As A Car Strangely Fashioned Out Of An Old Abandoned Horse Carriage, Built Upon The Framework Of A Mule Cart. All The Original Engineering Is Still There, Underneath It All.

I See Women Who Have This Struggle Between What They Know Is Right, What They Know Is Necessary, What They Know Is Healthy, What They Know Is Good For Them, What They Know Is Good For The Work That They Need To Do, What They Know Is Good For Their Bodies, What They Know Is Good For Their Families - All Too Often Ending That Statement With The Upturned Question Mark: "if It's Okay With Everyone?" Still Asking, Still Requesting, Still Filing Petitions For Somebody To Say That It's All Right.

He Looks At You Like You're Someone He's Never Met Before, Much Less Someone He Once Loved With High Passion. The Irony Is, You Can Hardly Blame Him. I Mean, Check Yourself Out. You're A Pathetic Mess, Unrecognizable Even To Your Own Eyes.

God Never Slams A Door In Your Face Without Opening A Box Of Girl Scout Cookies.

Embrace The Beautiful Mess That You Are.

Bhuta Ia, Dewa Ia. (bali Expression Meaning Man Is A Demon, Man Is A God.)

Being Content With What You Have Already Is An Art Form That Leads To A Peace That Can’t Be Replaced By Anything Else.

I Feel Like There Are Women Who Are Genuinely Born To Be Mothers, And Women Who Are Born To Be Aunties, And Women Who Really Probably Not Should Be Allowed Near Children. The Tragedy That Happens Is When Any One Of Those Women Ends Up In The Wrong Category.

The Story He [todd Willingham] Told Me Was This: He Woke Up To A Fire. He Ran Out Of The House And Couldn't Run Back In To Save His Children, And That Was Enough To Get Me Interested. ... There's A Writer In Me That's Like, ... This Is A Great Story. ... I Have A Good Friend, Who Was My Neighbor At The Time, And I Told Her About It. ... She Had Been A Reporter, And She Was Like, "let's Go Investigate It."

I Consider A Good Dinner Party At Our House To Be Where People Drink And Eat More Than They're Meant To.

Just Having Walked Into A Prison Environment, Sat There For Two Hours, The Effect That It Had On Me. ... I Couldn't Imagine The Effect It Would Have On A Person 24 Hours A Day. So Then I Became More Intrigued, And We Began A Correspondence, And I Began Visiting [todd Willingham].

I Will Give You The Sun And The Rain, And If They Are Not Available, I Will Give You A Sun Check And A Rain Check.

But When It Comes To Writing The Thing That I've Sort Of Been Thinking About Lately, Is Why? You Know, Is It Rational? Is It Logical That Anybody Should Be Expected To Be Afraid Of The Work That They Feel They Were Put On This Earth To Do.

Mostly You Meet Friends When Traveling By Accident, Like By Sitting Next To Them On The Train, Or In A Restaurant, Or In A Holding Cell.

But, Ancient Greece And Ancient Rome - People Did Not Happen To Believe That Creativity Came From Human Beings Back Then, Ok? People Believed That Creativity Was This Divine Attendant Spirit That Came To Human Beings From Some Distant And Unknowable Source, For Distant And Unknowable Reasons.

We Search For Happiness Everywhere, But We Are Like Tolstoy's Fabled Beggar Who Spent His Life Sitting On A Pot Of Gold, Under Him The Whole Time. Your Treasure--your Perfection--is Within You Already. But To Claim It, You Must Leave The Buy Commotion Of The Mind And Abandon The Desires Of The Ego And Enter Into The Silence Of The Heart.

Sometimes Life Is Too Hard To Be Alone, And Sometimes Life Is Too Good To Be Alone.

I Wanted To Experience Both. I Wanted Worldly Enjoyment And Divine Transcendence. I Wanted What The Greeks Called Kalos Kai Agathos, The Singular Balance Of The Good And The Beautiful. I'd Been Missing Both During These Last Hard Years, Because Both Pleasure And Devotion Require A Stress-free Space In Which To Flourish And I'd Been Living In A Giant Trash Compactor Of Nonstop Anxiety. As For How To Balance The Urge For Pleasure Against The Longing For Devotion...well, Surely There Was A Way To Learn That Trick.

As A Writer, You Always Read In Two Minds: You Read As A Reader And You Enjoy It, And You Look At It As A Writer, And You Just Admire The Architecture And The Construction.

I Wondered, "why Have I Been Chasing Happiness My Whole Life When Bliss Was Here The Entire Time?

You Make Some Big Grandoise Decision About What You Need To Do, Or Who You Need To Be, And Then Circumstances Arise That Immediately Reveal To You How Little You Understood About Yourself.

I'm Trying To Dismantle A Stereotype That In Order To Live Any Kind Of Creative Life, You Have To Be In Torment And Suffering. We're Addicted To This Idea Because It Makes For Good Bio Pics... But I Actually Think It's Better To Live A Life Where You're Constantly Exploring Your Curiosity And Creativity.

Marriage Is An Ongoing, Centuries-long Social Experiment That Is Mostly Controlled By The Individuals In The Relationships Who Insist On Determining What The Relationship Terms Are Going To Be. And That's Why The Terms Of Marriage Change With Every Century And Decade. We're Shaping It From The Inside. Marriage Endures Because It Evolves. Obviously It Does. None Of Us Would Accept Marriage On Its 13th Century Terms, Not Even The Most Conservative People...

You Never Know How A Good Quest Is Going To End.

Your Father Only Has One Foot On This Earth. And Really, Really Long Legs . . .

I Would Say That If You Really Want To Stop Knowing Someone, You Have To Divorce Him.

Every Try To Take A Toy Away From A Toddler? They Don't Like That, Do They? They Start Kicking And Screaming. Best Way To Take A Toy Away From A Toddler Is Distract The Kid, Give Him Something Else To Play With. Instead Of Trying To Forcefully Take Thoughts Out Of Your Mind, Give Your Mind Something Better To Play With.

If Todd [willingham] Was Guilty Of Anything, It Was Just His Self-preservation. He Got Up And Ran Out Of The House And Then Thought About The Children After The Fact.

This Is Intimacy: The Trading Of Stories In The Dark.

We Invented Marriage. Couples Invented Marriage. We Also Invented Divorce,mind You. And We Invented Infidelity,too, As Well As Romantic Misery. In Fact We Invented The Whole Sloppy Mess Of Love And Intimacy And Aversion And Euphoria And Failure. But Most Importantly Of All, Most Subversively Of All, Most Stubbornly Of All, We Invented Privacy.

A Fish And A Bird May Indeed Fall In Love, But Where Shall They Live?

Falling In Love

I Promised Todd [willingham] That I Would Attend The Execution. ... It Was Impossible For Me To Go. I Was Incapable Of That Sort Of Travel. Sitting In A Chair That Long, Driving To Huntsville Just Wouldn't Have Happened. ... I'm Sure I Would Have Been There. It's Something I Know. I Would Not Have Denied Him That, But The Accident Kept Me From Being There. At Some Level, The Universe Was Giving Me The Excuse For Not Being There. ... The Universe Was Like, "oh, You Don't Have To Watch This." ... It Would Have Been A Horrible Thing, But I'm Sure I Would Have Gone.

You Have To Participate Relentlessly In The Manifestation Of Your Own Blessings.

Follow Your Dreams

We Live In This Society Where You Must Constantly Be Reinventing Yourself. The Big Question Is What Are You Doing Next. The Only Thing They Want Is Composed Of These Three Elements: They Want You To Do It The Exact Same Way Because They Want More Of It; But They Want It To Be Totally Different; And They Want It To Be Better. That's All You Have To Do. You Just Have To Do Something That's Exactly The Same, Totally Different, And Better.

We All Seem To Get This Idea That, In Order To Be Sacred, We Have To Make Some Massive, Drastic Change Of Character, That We Have To Renounce Our Individuality. To Know God, You Only Need To Renounce One Thing - Your Sense Of Division From God

Maybe [artistry] Doesn't Have To Be Quite So Full Of Anguish If You Never Happened To Believe, In The First Place, That The Most Extraordinary Aspects Of Your Being Came From You. But Maybe If You Just Believed That They Were On Loan To You From Some Unimaginable Source For Some Exquisite Portion Of Your Life To Be Passed Along When You're Finished ... It Starts To Change Everything.

Sometimes Beauty Needs A Bit Of Ignoring, To Properly Come Into Being.

When The Karma Of A Relationship Is Done, Only Love Remains. It's Safe. Let Go.

The Problem, Simply Put, Is That We Cannot Choose Everything Simultaneously. So We Live In Danger Of Becoming Paralyzed By Indecision, Terrified That Every Choice Might Be The Wrong Choice.

Indeed, When I Came To Italy, I Expected To Encounter A Certain Amount Of Resentment, But Have Received Instead Empathy From Most Italians. In Any Reference To George Bush, People Only Nod To Berlusconi, Saying","we Understand How It Is - We Have One, Too.

I Feel Like If I Were To Get Another Tattoo, It Would Probably Be Those Two Words. Just Stubborn, Stubborn, Stubborn Gladness.

Om Namah Shivaya, Meaning, I Honor The Divinity That Resides Within Me.

Do I Really Deserve This Pleasure? This Is American, Too-the Insecurity About Whether We Have Earned Our Happiness.

I Was Full Of A Hot, Powerful Sadness And Would Have Loved To Burst Into The Comfort Of Tears, But Tried Hard Not To, Remembering Something My Guru Once Said -- That You Should Never Give Yourself A Chance To Fall Apart Because, When You Do, It Becomes A Tendency And It Happens Over And Over Again. You Must Practice Staying Strong, Instead.

When You're Lost In Those Woods, It Sometimes Takes You A While To Realize That You Are Lost. For The Longest Time, You Can Convince Yourself That You've Just Wandered Off The Path, That You'll Find Your Way Back To The Trailhead Any Moment Now. Then Night Falls Again And Again, And You Still Have No Idea Where You Are, And It's Time To Admit That You Have Bewildered Yourself So Far Off The Path That You Don't Even Know From Which Direction The Sun Rises Anymore.

They Say That There Are Three Kinds Of People In The World. There Are People Who Never Learn One Way Or Another Anything; There Are People Who Learn From Their Own Mistakes, Eventually And With Great Pain; And Then There Are The Really Wise People Who Learn From Other People's Mistakes And Spare Themselves The Suffering.

Your Home Is That Thing To Which You Can Dedicate Your Energies With Such Singular Devotion That The Ultimate Results Become Inconsequential.

Todd's Mother Had Several Children By Different Fathers, And Todd [willingham] Had Been Abandoned In California. ... He's A Good-looking Man. He Was A Witty Man, You Know? Funny, Caring. He Wasn't Arrogant, But He Was Kind Of Set In His Ways. If He Thought Something, It Was One Way. You Could Show Him An Alternative, But He Was Still Going To Stick By His Particular View. But I Could See How To Women He Could Be A Very Charming, Good-looking Guy, Especially When He Was Younger.

Returning To Writing Fiction After 13 Years Away From It. Returning To The Rootstock Of My Whole Life As A Writer. It's What I Had Wanted To Be For My Entire Life, Since I Can Remember, Since My Particular Time Immemorial. It's How I Got My Start As A Writer.

He Endeared Himself To Me Forever The First Night We Met, When I Was Getting Frustrated With My Inability To Find The Words I Wanted In Italian, And He Put His Hand On My Arm And Said, "liz, You Must Be Very Polite With Yourself When You Are Learning Something New.

There Is A Theory That If You Yearn Sincerely Enough For A Guru, You Will Find One. The Universe Will Shift, Destiny's Molecules Will Get Themselves Organized And Your Path Will Soon Intersect With The Path Of The Master You Need.

This Was Not My Moment To Be Seeking Romance And (as Day Follows Night) To Further Complicate My Already Knotty Life. This Was My Moment To Look For The Kind Of Healing And Peace That Can Only Come From Solitude.

I Believe In Miracles, I Believe In The Law Of Attraction, But Even I Don't Think I'm Big Enough To Manifest Five Asian Elephants Cloaked In Gold.

But At Some Point You Have To Make Peace With What You Were Given And If God Wanted Me To Be A Shy Girl With Think, Dark Hair, He Would Have Made Me That Way, But He Didn't. Useful, Then, Might Be To Accept How I Was Made And Embody Myself Fully Therein.

In Order For Marriage To Endure It Has To Change Along With Us, And It Does That Very Graciously. And In The End I Find There Is Something Kind Of Moving About It: The Fact That People Continue To Insist On Choosing Somebody To Build A Life With.

The Yogic Path Is About Disentangling The Built-in Glitches Of The Human Condition, Which I'm Going To Over-simply Define Here As The Heartbreaking Inability To Sustain Contentment.

You Know, I Think That Allowing Somebody, One Mere Person To Believe That He Or She Is Like, The Vessel You Know, Like The Font And The Essence And The Source Of All Divine, Creative, Unknowable, Eternal Mystery Is Just A Smidge Too Much Responsibility To Put On One Fragile, Human Psyche. It's Like Asking Somebody To Swallow The Sun.

I Will Not Harbor Unhealthy Thoughts Anymore.

A Glorious Failure Can Sometimes Be More Life Affirming Than A Cautious Win.

I'm An Enormous Product Of My Century, I'm A Product Of My Upbringing. I Was Not Aware Of The Fact That I Was Entering Marriage With The Highest Set Of Expectations That Humans Have Ever Brought To The Institution. It Was Really Good To Find That Out. It Doesn't Have To Be The Alpha And The Omega, The Beginning And The End, The Moon And The Stars - It Can Just Be The Moon. It's Enough That It Just Can Be What It Is.

And When You Sense A Faint Potentiality For Happiness After Such Dark Times You Must Grab Onto The Ankles Of That Happiness And Not Let Go Until It Drags You Face-first Out Of The Dirt - This Is Not Selfishness, But Obligation. You Were Given Life; It Is Your Duty To Find Something Beautiful Within Life No Matter How Slight.

In Venice In The Middle Ages There Was Once A Profession For A Man Called A Codega--a Fellow You Hired To Walk In Front Of You At Night With A Lit Lantern, Showing You The Way, Scaring Off Thieves And Demons, Bringing You Confidence And Protection Through The Dark Streets.

My Life Acccomplishments? Sanity, And You

He Is Only Happy When He Can Maintain Himself - Mentally And Spiritually - At The Intersection Between A Vertical Line And Horizontal One, In A State Of Perfect Balance. For This, He Needs To Know Where He Is Located Every Moment, Both In His Relationship To The Divine And To His Family Here On Earth. If He Loses That Balance, He Loses His Power.

The Yogic Scriptures Say That God Responds To The Sacred Prayers And Efforts Of Human Beings In Any Way Whatsoever That Mortals Choose To Worship - Just So Long As Those Prayers Are Sincere.

Faith Is Walking Face-first And Full-speed Into The Dark. If We Truly Knew All The Answers In Advance As To The Meaning Of Life And The Nature Of God And The Destiny Of Our Souls, Our Belief Would Not Be A Leap Of Faith And It Would Not Be A Courageous Act Of Humanity; It Would Just Be... A Prudent Insurance Policy.

If Life Gives You Lemons, Don't Settle For Simply Making Lemonade - Make A Glorious Scene At A Lemonade Stand.

There's No Trouble In This World So Serious That It Can't Be Cured With A Hot Bath, A Glass Of Whiskey, And The Book Of Common Prayer.

Happiness Is The Consequence Of Personal Effort. You Fight For It, Strive For It, Insist Upon It, And Sometimes Even Travel Around The World Looking For It. You Have To Participate Relentlessly In The Manifestations Of Your Own Blessings. And Once You Have Achieved A State Of Happiness, You Must Never Become Lax About Maintaining It. You Must Make A Mighty Effort To Keep Swimming Upward Into That Happiness Forever, To Stay Afloat On Top Of It.

I’m Here. I Love You. I Don’t Care If You Need To Stay Up Crying All Night Long, I Will Stay With You... There’s Nothing You Can Ever Do To Lose My Love. I Will Protect You Until You Die, And After Your Death I Will Still Protect You. I Am Stronger Than Depression And I Am Braver Than Loneliness And Nothing Will Ever Exhaust Me.

It's Still Two Human Beings Trying To Get Along, So It's Going To Be Complicated. And Love Is Always Complicated. But Humans Must Try To Love Each Other, Darling. We Must Get Our Hearts Broken Sometimes. This Is A Good Sign, Having A Broken Heart. It Means We Have Tried For Something.

We Don't Realize That, Somewhere Within Us All, There Does Exist A Supreme Self Who Is Eternally At Peace.

I Can Honestly Say [that Writing] Is The Best Life There Is, Because You Get To Live Within The Realm Of Your Own Mind, And That Is A Profoundly Rare Human Privilege.

Nobody Until Very Recently Would Have Thought That Their Husband Was Supposed To Be Their Best Friend, Confidante, Intellectual Soul Mate, Co-parent, Inspiration.

Embrace The Glorious Mess That You Are

I Think The Thing That I Lost In Myself When I Stopped Writing Fiction And The Thing That I Rediscovered And Started Mining Again Is, For Lack Of A Better Word, Magic. It's The Way You Can Brush Up Against The Inexplicable And The Mystical.

We Alter And Customize The Thing Every Century, Every Generation, Every Day - Both In The Courts And In Our Own Homes. And Marriage Accepts Our Modifications Gracefully. Marriage Adapts, Evolves And (in A Manner That I Find Miraculous And Kind Of Inspiring) Somehow Keeps Chugging Along.

My Husband Is Not American. He Was Born In Brazil, Where He Grew Up Under A Filthy, Corrupt Dictatorship. In His Twenties, He Moved To Europe, Where He Lived For A While Under Various Socialist Democracies. He Spent A Few Years On A Kibbutz In Israel, Living Out A Utopian Experiment In Communal Existence.

It Is Merely This World That Is Chaotic, Bringing Changes To Us All That Nobody Could Have Anticipated.

What Worked Yesterday Doesn't Always Work Today.

Bali Eat Pray Love

The More Exquisitely And Delightfully You Can Do Nothing, The Higher Your Life's Achievement.

Bali Eat Pray Love

Imagine That The Universe Is A Great Spinning Engine. You Want To Stay Near The Core Of The Thing - Right In The Hub Of The Wheel - Not Out At The Edges Where All The Wild Whirling Takes Place, Where You Can Get Frayed And Crazy. The Hub Of Calmness - That's Your Heart. That's Where God Lives Within You. So Stop Looking For Answers In The World. Just Keep Coming Back To That Center And You'll Always Find Peace.

Marriage Is - Among Other Things - A Study In Contradiction And Disappointment, And Inside That Reality There Is Space For Us To Truly Learn How To Love.

Nobody Wants To Do It - Not Real Change, Not Soul Change, Not The Painful Molecular Change Required To Truly Become Who You Need To Be. Nobody Ever Does Real Transformation For Fun. Nobody Ever Does It On A Dare. You Do It Only When Your Back Is So Far Against The Wall That You Have No Choice Anymore.

Maybe It's Just Me But I Would Suspect That A Man Trying To Impress A Woman Would Be More Likely To Bring Out The Steak - "i Killed This For You, Now I'm Grilling It For You."

Look For God. Look For God Like A Man With His Head On Fire Looks For Water.

I Had A Great Teacher In India Who Said To Me, 'if You Think You're Spiritual And Evolved And Enlightened, Go Home For Christmas.'

My Whole Life I've Been An Over-giver. My General Operating Policy Has Always Been, 'if It Belongs To Me, Don't Worry: You Can Have It!'

Smile With Face, Smile With Mind, And Good Energy Will Come To You And Clean Away Dirty Energy.

A True Soul Mate Is Probably The Most Important Person You'll Ever Meet, Because They Tear Down Your Walls And Smack You Awake.

There's No Reason To Keep A Piece Of Furniture In Your House That Is So Sacred And Rare That You Can't Put Your Feet Up On It And A Dog Can't Jump Up On It. Likewise, A Book That Sits On A Shelf Like A Piece Of Porcelain, Only To Be Admired, Never To Be Read Again, Is A Dead Book.

Traveling Is The Great True Love Of My Life... I Am Loyal And Constant In My Love Of Travel. I Feel About Travel The Way A Happy New Mother Feels About Her Impossible, Colicky, Restless Newborn Baby - I Just Don't Care What It Puts Me Through. Because I Adore It. Because It's Mine. Because It Looks Exactly Like Me.

Love Of My Life

The Thing I Love About Dickens Is The Omniscient, Omnipotent Narrator, And The Great Confidence Of The Narrator, Which Marks 19th-century Novelists In General And Dickens In Particular.

I Want To Have A Lasting Experience Of God.

I Want To Learn How To Speak Italian. For Years, I'd Wished I Could Speak Italian--a Language I Find More Beautiful Than Roses :)

Women Are Capable Of Enduring A Tremendous Amount Of Disappointment And Still Have A Good Life.

Both The Five-year-olds Looked At Me With Bewilderment And A Bit Of Fearful Uncertainty. I Had A Sudden Horrifying Image Of The Woman I Might Become If I'm Not Careful: Crazy Aunt Liz. The Divorcee In The Muumuu With The Dyed Orange Hair Who Doesn't Eat Dairy But Smokes Menthols, Who's Always Just Coming Back From Her Astrology Cruise Or Breaking Up With Her Aroma-therapist Boyfriend, Who Reads The Tarot Cards Of Kindergarteners And Says Things Like, "bring Aunty Liz Another Wine Cooler, Baby, And I'll Let You Wear My Mood Ring.

Devotion Is Diligence Without Assurance. Faith Is A Way Of Saying "yes, I Pre-accept The Terms Of The Universe And I Embrace In Advance What I Am Presently Incapable Of Understanding.

All I Could Say Was, "i Don't Know What To Do." I Remember Her Taking Me By The Shoulders And Looking Me In The Eye With A Calm Smile And Saying Simply, "tell The Truth, Tell The Truth, Tell The Truth.

You Were Given Life; It Is Your Duty (and Also Your Entitlement As A Human Being) To Find Something Beautiful Within Life, No Matter How Slight.

This Was My Moment To Look For The Kind Of Healing And Peace That Can Only Come From Solitude.

But We Are Not What The Other One Needs, Still He Is Certain That I Will Find Great Love In My Life Someday. He Is Sure Of It. After All, He Says, Beauty Attracts Beauty.

Your Home Is Whatever In This World You Love More Than You Love Yourself. So That Might Be Creativity, Family, Invention, Adventure, Faith, Service, It Might Be Raising Corgies, I Don't Know - Your Home Is That Thing To Which You Can Dedicate Your Energies With Such Singular Devotion That The Ultimate Results Become Inconsequential.

Until I Can Feel As Ecstatic About Having A Baby As I Felt About Going To New Zealand To Search For Giant Squid, I Cannot Have A Baby.

Here's The Thing: The Unit Of Reverence In Europe Is The Family, Which Is Why A Child Born Today Of Unmarried Parents In Sweden Has A Better Chance Of Growing Up In A House With Both Of His Parents Than A Child Born To A Married Couple In America. Here We Revere The Couple, There They Revere The Family.

To Show A Longing For Anything That One Cannot Have, For Instance, Is Not A Clever Position.

I Think How Badly Things Can Go Wrong In Our Judicial System. All It Took Was One Person Saying That This Was A Deliberately Set Fire, And Then A Whole Chain Of Information Became Malevolent.criminal Past - That Worked All In Their Favor To Create This "monster" - And They Even Used The Word "monster." It's Like, Let's Ensure That The Public Thinks He's An Evil Individual.

So Sadness Is A Place?' Giovanni Asked. 'sometimes People Live There For Years,'i Said.

Dear Lord, Please Show Me Everything I Need To Understand About Forgiveness And Surrender

Traveling-to-a-place Energy And Living-in-a-place Energy Are Two Fundamentally Different Energies

If You Want To Get To The Castle, Groceries, You've Got To Swim The Moat.

A Woman's Place Is In The Kitchen...sitting In A Comfortable Chair, With Her Feet Up, Drinking A Glass Of Wine And Watching Her Husband Cook Dinner.

At Some Point, You Gotta Let Go, And Sit Still, And Allow Contentment To Come To You.

The Four Virtues A Person Needs In Order To Be Safe And Happy In Life: Intelligence, Friendship, Strength And (i Love This One) Poetry.

It Is Not We As Individuals, Then, Who Must Bend Uncomfortably Around The Institution Of Marriage; Rather, It Is The Institution Of Marriage That Has To Bend Uncomfortably Around Us.

Oh, I Just Want What We All Want: A Comfortable Couch, A Nice Beverage, A Weekend Of No Distractions And A Book That Will Stop Time, Lift Me Out Of My Quotidian Existence And Alter My Thinking Forever.

When I Tried This Morning, After An Hour Or So Of Unhappy Thinking, To Dip Back Into My Meditation, I Took A New Idea With Me: Compassion. I Asked My Heart If It Could Please Infuse My Soul With A More Generous Perspective On My Mind's Workings. Instead Of Thinking That I Was A Failure, Could I Perhaps Accept That I Am Only A Human Being--and A Normal One, At That?

There Is A Level Of Grief So Deep That It Stops Resembling Grief At All. The Pain Becomes So Severe That The Body Can No Longer Feel It. The Grief Cauterizes Itself, Scars Over, Prevents Inflated Feeling. Such Numbness Is A Kind Of Mercy.

Never Go Into Debt To Become A Writer. Always Find Other Ways To Support Yourself So You Can Do The Work You Truly Love For The Right Reasons. Never Ask Your Art To Support You. If You Ask Your Art To Support You It Will Either End Up Comprised Or You'll Be Disappointed With It. It's A Lot To Ask Of Creativity For It To Provide For You Financially. Find A Scrappy Way To Get By And Then Do The Work You Love For The Reasons You Love.

Learn Your Way Around Loneliness. Make A Map Of It. Sit With It, For Once In Your Life. Welcome To The Human Experience.

Change Is All About Motion, Motion Is All About Uncertainty And We Are Deeply Uncomfortable With Uncertainty.

You Write Fiction, You're Writing Memoir, And When You're Writing Memoir, You're Writing Fiction.

Writing Fiction

I Have A History Of Making Decisions Very Quickly About Men. I Have Always Fallen In Love Fast And Without Measuring Risks. I Have A Tendency Not Only To See The Best In Everyone, But To Assume That Everyone Is Emotionally Capable Of Reaching His Highest Potential. I Have Fallen In Love More Times Than I Care To Count With The Highest Potential Of A Man, Rather Than With The Man Himself, And I Have Hung On To The Relationship For A Long Time (sometimes Far Too Long) Waiting For The Man To Ascend To His Own Greatness. Many Times In Romance I Have Been A Victim Of My Own Optimism.

I Watched Them, Thinking That Little Girls Who Make Their Mothers Live Grow Up To Be Such Powerful Women.

The Little Fishing Boat Anchors Right Off The Shore Of Gili Meno. There Are No Docks Here On This Island. You Have To Roll Up Your Pants, Jump Off The Boat And Wade In Through The Surf On Your Own Power. There's Absolutely No Way To Do This Without Getting Soaking Wet Or Even Banged Up On The Coral, But It's Worth All The Trouble Because The Beach Here Is So Beautiful, So Special

Americans Have An Inability To Relax Into Sheer Pleasure.ours Is An Entertainment Seeking-nation, But Not Necessarily A Pleasure-seeking One....this Is The Cause Of That Great Sad American Stereotype- The Overstressed Executive Who Goes On Vacation, But Who Cannot Relax.

Pleasure Seeking

I Think It's Unfortunate That There Exists Only One Path In America To Complete Social Legitimacy, And That Is Marriage. I Think, For Instance, That It Would Be Far Easier For Americans To Elect A Black President Or A Female President Than An Unmarried President.

What Happens And What You Encounter, What You Collide With - It's So Exciting And Revealing About How Much More Interesting And Tricky The Universe Is Than We Think In Our Daily Lives.

I Think There's More Real In The Unreal Than There Is In The Real.

In Desperate Love, We Always Invent The Characters Of Our Partners, Demanding They Be What We Need Of Them, And Then Feeling Devastated When They Refuse To Perform The Role We Created In The First Place.

Do Not Apologize For Crying. Without This Emotion, We Are Only Robots.

You Must Stop Looking At The World Through Your Head. You Must Look Through Your Heart, Instead.

The Fantasy Of The Wedding Day Is That It Represents Undeniable Public And Private Truth That You Have Been Chosen. For That One Day, You Are The Most Valuable Creature In The World - A Treasure, A Princess, A Prize.

They Flank Me - Depression On My Left, Loneliness On My Right. They Don't Need To Show Their Badges. I Know These Guys Very Well. ... Then They Frisk Me. They Empty My Pockets Of Any Joy I Had Been Carrying There. Depression Even Confiscates My Identity; But He Always Does That.

The Idea That A Prisoner Would Confess To A Complete Stranger That He Had Committed A Crime - I Just Didn't Buy That.

He Was Still My Romantic Hero And I Was Still His Living Dream

The Love That Moves The Sun And The Other Stars.

It's So Much Easier And Cheaper To Keep The River Uncontaminated In The First Place Than It Is To Clean It Up Again Once It's Been Polluted.

Depression On My Left, Loneliness On My Right. They Don't Need To Show Me Thier Badges. I Know These Guys Very Well.

I'm Choosing Happiness Over Suffering, I Know I Am. I'm Making Space For The Unknown Future To Fill Up My Life With Yet-to-come Surprises.

[italian Men] Are Like Show Poodles. Sometimes They Look So Good I Want To Applaud.

Marriage Is Those Two Thousand Indistinguishable Conversations, Chatted Over Two Thousand Indistuinguishable Breakfasts, Where Intimacy Turns Like A Slow Wheel. How Do You Measure The Worth Of Becoming That Familiar To Somebody—so Utterly Well Known And So Thoroughly Ever-present That You Become An Almost Invisible Necessity, Like Air?

I Push Every Day Against Forces That Say You Have To Go Faster, Be More Effective, Be More Productive, You Have To Constantly Outdo Yourself, You Have To Constantly Outdo Your Neighbor - All Of The Stuff That Creates An Incredibly Productive Society, But Also A Very Neurotic One.

Someone Has To Write All Those Stories: Why Not Me?

Nothing Is So Essential As Dignity…time Will Reveal Who Has It And Who Has It Not.

You Have To Get Hurt. That's How You Learn. The Strongest People Out There, The Ones Who Laugh The Hardest With A Genuine Smile, Those Are The People Who Have Fought The Toughest Battles. Because They've Decided That They're Not Going To Let Anything Hold Them Down, They're Showing The World Who's Boss. One Must Always Be Prepared For Riotous And Endless Waves Of Transformation.

To Feel Physically Comfortable With Someone Else's Body Is Not A Decision You Make. It Has Very Little Thing To Do With How Two People Think Or Act Or Talk Or Even Look. The Mysterious Magnet Is Either There, Buried Somewhere Deep Behind The Sternum, Or It Is Not.

Decisions You Make

The Only Boring People I Know Are Bored People.

It Has Never Been Easy For Me To Understand Why People Work So Hard To Create Something Beautiful, But Then Refuse To Share It With Anyone, For Fear Of Criticism.

It's Not Enough For Me To Just Hear About Something Or Read About Something, I Wanna Know It In My Bones.

I Believe That - If You Are Serious About A Life Of Writing, Or Indeed About Any Creative Form Of Expression - That You Should Take On This Work Like A Holy Calling.

As Smoking Is To The Lungs, So Is Resentment To The Soul; Even One Puff Is Bad For You.

I Feel Like All This Stuff That We Make: Books And Art And Music, All Of It. There's This Energy That Circles The World That Wants To Be Made Manifest, And It Is Just Looking For Someone To Come Through. And It's Dying For You To Make It. And If You Don't Do It, It Will Go Find Somebody Else.

What Do I Believe That I Deserve In This Life?

You Need To Learn How To Select Your Thoughts Just The Same Way You Select Your Clothes Every Day. This Is A Power You Can Cultivate. If You Want To Control Things In Your Life So Bad, Work On The Mind. That's The Only Thing You Should Be Trying To Control.

In Stillness, I Watched Myselfget Eaten By Mosquitoes... The Itch Was Maddening At First But Eventually It Just Melded Into A General Burning Feeling And I Rode That Heat To A Mld Euphoria. I Allowed The Pain To Lose Its Specific Associations And Become Pure Sensation... And That Eventually Lifted Me Out Of Myself And Into Meditation.

You Might Get Nothing Out Of It At All Except A Beautiful, Long Life Where All You Did Was Follow Your Gorgeous Curiosity. And That Should Be Enough Too.

I Do Forget Sometimes How Much It Means For Certain Men—for Certain People—to Be Able To Provide Their Loved Ones With Material Comforts And Protection At All Times. I Forget How Dangerously Reduced Some Men Can Feel When That Basic Ability Has Been Stripped From Them. I Forget How Much That Matters To Men, What It Represents.

Marriage Is A Strange Combination Of Dream And Reality, And We Spend Our Lives As Couples Trying To Negotiate That Divide.

The Only Place The Mind Will Ever Find Peace Is Inside The Silence Of The Heart. That's Where You Need To Go

David Was Catnip And Kryptonite To Me.

That's Your Friend. My Husband Is My Best Friend. He's Not The Mirror That Holds Up My Flaws. He's Just The Guy Who's Like, 'i Think You're Terrific'... It's Just Simple, Showing Up For Each Other.

I Was Perfectly Happy In My Boring Life Before You Came Along.

Stop Wearing Your Wishbone Where Your Backbone Ought To Be.

According To The Mystics, This Search For Divine Bliss Is The Entire Purpose Of A Human Life. This Is Why We All Chose To Be Born, And This Is Why All The Suffering And Pain Of Life On Earth Is Worthwhile--just For The Chance To Experience This Infinite Love. And Once You Have Found This Divinity Within, Can You Hold It? Because If You Can...bliss.

Marriage Becomes Hard Work Once You Have Poured The Entirety Of Your Life’s Expectations For Happiness Into The Hands Of One Mere Person. Keeping That Going Is Hard Work.

You May Return Here Once You Have Fully Come To Understand That You Are Always Here.

The Sound Universe Is Also Spectacular Around Here. In The Evenings There's A Cricket Orchestra With Frogs Providing The Bass Line. In The Dead Of Night The Dogs Howl About How Misunderstood They Are. Before Dawn The Roosters For Miles Around Announce How Freaking Cool It Is To Be Roosters.

I'd Learned Enough From Life's Experiences To Understand That Destiny's Interventions Can Sometimes Be Read As Invitation For Us To Address And Even Surmount Our Biggest Fears. It Doesn't Take A Great Genius To Recognize That When You Are Pushed By Circumstance To Do The One Thing You Have Always Most Specifically Loathed And Feared, This Can Be, At The Very Least, An Interesting Growth Opportunity.

God Wants Us To Be In Joy, God Wants Us To Be Happy. Because Of This Extraordinary Consciousness And This Great Ability For Wonder And Marvel, And Without Denying Any Of The Terrors And Horrors Of The World, We Also Have An Obligation Toward Joy And Toward Miracle And Excitement.

A True Soul Mate Is A Mirror, The Person Who Shows You Everything That Is Holding You Back, The Person Who Brings You To Your Own Attention So You Can Change Your Life.

The Nineteenth Century Was The Last Moment In History When A Relatively Educated Layperson Could Follow What Was Going On In The World Of Science And Invention To A Wide Degree. Also, There Were No "professionals". This Was A Time When Amateur Explorers, Naturalists And Enthusiasts Were Are Still Making Major Contributions To Progress.

Desperate Love Is Always The Toughest Way To Do It.

I Myself Have Never Been Enchanted By The Dream Of The White Wedding, And, Heaven Help Us, The Expectation That This Exquisitely Catered Event Should Be 'the Happiest Moment' Of One's Life.

By Unnerving Definition, Anything That The Heart Has Chosen For Its Own Mysterious Reasons It Can Always Unchoose Later—again, For Its Own Mysterious Reasons.

The Thing That I Do Try To Convey Is, Don't Do What I Did - But Ask What I Asked.

We Have Hands; We Can Stand On Them If We Want To. That's Our Privilege. That's The Joy Of A Mortal Body. And That's Why God Needs Us. Because God Loves To Feel Things Through Our Hands.

I Want To Explore The Art Of Pleasure In Italy, The Art Of Devotion In India And, In Indonesia, The Art Of Balancing The Two. It Was Only Later, After Admitting This Dream, That I Noticed The Happy Coincidence That All These Countries Begin With The Letter I. A Fairly Auspicious Sign, It Seemed, On A Voyage Of Self-discovery.

Beauty Is Not Required. Beauty Is Accuracy's Distraction.

You Know, It’s The Same Thing As The Question Of Free Will And Destiny, The Question Of Creativity - You, The Artist, You’re Not The Puppet Of The Piano, You’re Not The Puppet Of The Muse, But You’re Not Its Master, Either. It’s A Relationship, It’s A Conversation, And All It Wants Is To Be Treated With Respect And Dignity - And It Will Return Ten Thousand Times Over.

Never Forget That Once Upon A Time, In An Unguarded Moment, You Recognized Yourself As A Friend.

Once Upon A Time

I Would Like To Spend The Rest Of My Days In A Place So Silent–and Working At A Pace So Slow–that I Would Be Able To Hear Myself Living.

Let Me Ask You Something, In All The Years That You Have Undressed In Front Of A Gentleman Has He Ever Asked You To Leave? Has He Ever Walked Out And Left? No? It’s Because He Doesn’t Care! He’s In A Room With A Naked Girl, He Just Won The Lottery

Attraversiamo (meaning "lets Cross Over" In Italian)

Someday You're Gonna Look Back On This Moment Of Your Life As Such A Sweet Time Of Grieving. You'll See That You Were In Mourning And Your Heart Was Broken, But Your Life Was Changing.

We're Miserable Because We Think That We Are Mere Individuals, Alone With Our Fears And Flaws And Resentment And Mortality.

I Decide Every Day That I Love Creativity Enough To Accept That Fear Will Always Come With It. And I Talk To Fear All The Time, Speaking To It With Love And Respect, Saying To It: “i Know That You Are Fear, And That Your Job Is To Be Afraid. And You Do Your Job Really Well! I Will Never Ask You To Leave Me Alone Or To Be Silent, Because You Have A Right To Speak Your Own Voice, And I Know That You Will Never Leave Me Alone Or Be Silent, Anyhow. But I Need You To Understand That I Will Always Choose Creativity Over You.

I Want To Have A Lasting Experience With God. Sometimes I Feel Like I Understand The Divinity Of This World, But Then I Loose It Because I Get Distracted By My Petty Desires And Fears. I Want To Be With God All The Time. But I Don't Want To Be A Monk, Or Totally Give Up Worldly Pleasures. I Guess What I Want To Learn Is How To Leave In This World And Enjoy Its Delights, But Also Elevate Myself To God.

We Were Taught To Be Dependable, Responsible, The Top Of Our Classes At School, The Most Organized And Efficient Babysitters In Town, The Very Miniature Models Of Our Hardworking Farmer/nurse Mother, A Pair Of Junior Swiss Army Knives, Born To Multitask.

Prayer Is A Relationship; Half The Job Is Mine. If I Want Transformation, But Can't Even Be Bothered To Articulate What, Exactly, I'm Aiming For, How Will It Ever Occur? Half The Benefit Of Prayer Is In The Asking Itself, In The Offering Of A Clearly Posed And Well-considered Intention. If You Don't Have This, All Your Pleas And Desires Are Boneless, Floppy, Inert; They Swirl At Your Feet In A Cold Fog And Never Lift.

Also, I Could Finally Sleep. And This Was The Real Gift, Because When You Cannot Sleep, You Cannot Get Yourself Out Of The Ditch--there's Not A Chance.

I Have Far More Enthusiasm In Life Than I Have Actual Energy. In My Excitement, I Routinely Take On More That I Can Physically Or Emotionally Handle, Which Causes Me To Break Down In Quite Predictable Displays Of Dramatic Exhaustion. You Will Be The One Burdened With The Job Of Mopping Me Up Every Time I've Overextended Myself And Then Fallen Apart. This Will Be Unbelievably Tedious. I Apologize In Advance.

There Is No Choice More Intensely Personal, After All, Than Whom You Choose To Marry; That Choice Tells Us, To A Large Extent, Who You Are.

My Life's Accomplishments? Sanity, And You.

Destiny, I Feel, Is Also A Relationship - A Play Between Divine Grace And Willful Self-effort.

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Anne M. Mulcahy

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