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I Would Say That If You Really Want To Stop Knowing Someone, You Have To Divorce Him.
-Elizabeth Gilbert
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I Would Say That

Elizabeth Gilbert
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I Would Say That If You Really Want To Stop Knowing Someone, You Have To Divorce Him.

Understanding the Quote: "i would say that if you really want to stop knowing someone,..."

This quote by Elizabeth Gilbert reflects deeply on the theme of divorce. It connects to the universal human journey of purpose, motivation, and reflection. Often categorized under Divorce, Knowing, Want, the quote offers insight, emotional clarity, and intellectual inspiration to readers worldwide.

Whether you’re a student exploring new ideas, a leader trying to motivate your team, or someone seeking direction in life — this quote provides value. It resonates because it’s more than words — it’s a bridge between experience and wisdom. It shows how Elizabeth Gilbert interprets life's core challenges and triumphs.

Lessons From the Quote

This quote teaches resilience and focus. It reminds readers that no matter where they stand in life, reflection and self-awareness lead to growth. Each word has meaning, and when studied, it becomes clear how impactful thoughtful language can be.

About Elizabeth Gilbert

Elizabeth Gilbert is celebrated for insightful thoughts on divorce and knowing. Their legacy lives on through writings that guide, comfort, and inspire. Discover more on their profile page.

Actionable Takeaways

  • Reflect on how this quote applies to your current life path.
  • Share the message with someone who needs inspiration.
  • Write your thoughts on this quote in a journal or blog post.
  • Use it as a daily affirmation or reminder.

Closing Thoughts

Quotes like this endure because they capture universal truths. They comfort us in solitude and empower us in groups. Carry this quote forward — live by its wisdom, share its message, and keep its essence alive.

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Topic
Divorce
Knowing
Want
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I Want To Explore The Art Of Pleasure In Italy, The Art Of Devotion In India And, In Indonesia, The Art Of Balancing The Two. It Was Only Later, After Admitting This Dream, That I Noticed The Happy Coincidence That All These Countries Begin With The Letter I. A Fairly Auspicious Sign, It Seemed, On A Voyage Of Self-discovery.
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The Resting Place Of The Mind Is The Heart.
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Attraversiamo (meaning "lets Cross Over" In Italian)
Italian
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[saint Anthony] Said, In His Solitude, He Sometimes Encountered Devils Who Looked Like Angels, And Other Times He Found Angels Who Looked Like Devils. When Asked How He Could Tell The Difference, The Saint Said That You Can Only Tell Which Is Which By The Way You Feel After The Creature Has Left Your Company.
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Despite Having Written Five Books, I Worry That I Have Not Written The Right Kinds Of Books, Or That Perhaps I Have Dedicated Too Much Of My Life To Writing, And Have Therefore Neglected Other Aspects Of My Being.
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If You're Alive, You're A Creative Person.
Creative
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Most Of Us, Even If Only For Two Minutes In Our Lives, Have Experienced At Some Time Or Another An Inexplicable And Random Sense Of Complete Bliss, Unrelated To Anything That Was Happening In The Outside World.
Two
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What Time Has Ever Been A Simple Time For Those Who Are Living It?
Simple
If You're Brave Enough To Leave Behind Everything Familiar And Comforting, Which Can Be Anything From Your House To Bitter, Old Resentments, And Set Out On A Truth-seeking Journey, Either Externally Or Internally, And If You Are Truly Willing To Regard Everything That Happens To You On That Journey As A Clue And If You Accept Everyone You Meet Along The Way As A Teacher And If You Are Prepared, Most Of All, To Face And Forgive Some Very Difficult Realities About Yourself, Then The Truth Will Not Be Withheld From You.
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I Have Far More Enthusiasm In Life Than I Have Actual Energy. In My Excitement, I Routinely Take On More That I Can Physically Or Emotionally Handle, Which Causes Me To Break Down In Quite Predictable Displays Of Dramatic Exhaustion. You Will Be The One Burdened With The Job Of Mopping Me Up Every Time I've Overextended Myself And Then Fallen Apart. This Will Be Unbelievably Tedious. I Apologize In Advance.
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I Am Far More Of A Loner Than People Would Imagine. But I Am The Most Gregarious And Socially Interactive Loner You Ever Met. The Thing Is, I Am Fascinated By People's Stories And I'm Very Talkative And Can't Ever Say No To Anything Or Anyone, So I Tend To Over-socialize, To Give Away Too Much Of My Time To The Many People I Adore.
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I Completely Respect The Ways People Are Bound In The Lives That They Have, Whether It's Because Of Forces Outside Of Their Control Or Choices That They've Made That They Want To Honor With Their Own Responsibilities And Obligations - Taking Care Of People Around Them Or Being A Part Of A Community, Or Their Work.
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Who Will Ever Kiss This Encyclopedia Of A Head?
Kissing
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A Man That Can Cook You A Proper Meal That Is Like A Weekday Meal - Which I Think Cannot Be Better Than In The Form Of A Roast Chicken - That's The Greatest.
Men
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And What Will I Be Able To Do Tomorrow That I Cannot Yet Do Today?
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[italian Men] Are Like Show Poodles. Sometimes They Look So Good I Want To Applaud.
Italian
Men
Looks
Travel Is Similar To Therapy. You Can Go To The Best Psychologist In The World For Ten Years. If You Don't Feel Like Actively Shifting Anything In Your Life, There Is Nothing That Person Can Do To Change You.
Travel
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Our Relationship Now Thoroughly Ruined, With Even Civility Destroyed Between Us, All I Wanted Anymore Was The Door.
Doors
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I Am Not An Expert At Praying, As You Know. But Can You Please Help Me? I Am In Desperate Need Of Help. I Don't Know What To Do. I Need An Answer. Please Tell Me What To Do.
Experts
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Problem Is, You Can’t Accept That His Relationship Had A Real Short Shelf Life. You’re Like A Dog At The Dump, Baby – You’re Just Lickin’ At The Empty Tin Can, Trying To Get More Nutrition Out Of It. And If You’re Not Careful, That Can’s Gonna Get Stuck On Your Snout Forever And Make Your Life Miserable. So Drop It.” “but I Love Him.” “so Love Him.” “but I Miss Him.” “so Miss Him. Send Him Some Love And Light Every Time You Think About Him, Then Drop It.
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You Are Accidentally Leaving Your Dna All Over Everything In A Novel Because It's All Coming From You.
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Happiness Is The Consequence Of Personal Effort. You Must Fight For It, Strive For It, And Insist Upon It.
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The Hopi Indians Thought That The World’s Religions Each Contained One Spiritual Thread, And That These Threads Are Always Seeking Each Other, Wanting To Join. When All The Threads Are Finally Woven Together They Will Form A Rope That Will Pull Us Out Of This Dark Cycle Of History And Into The Next Realm.
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Everything Was A Miracle Until We Solved It. ... The First Man Who Ever Saw A Flying Fish Probably Thought He Was Witnessing A Miracle - And The First Man Who Ever Described A Flying Fish Was Doubtless Called A Liar.
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Marriage Is An Ongoing, Centuries-long Social Experiment That Is Mostly Controlled By The Individuals In The Relationships Who Insist On Determining What The Relationship Terms Are Going To Be. And That's Why The Terms Of Marriage Change With Every Century And Decade. We're Shaping It From The Inside. Marriage Endures Because It Evolves. Obviously It Does. None Of Us Would Accept Marriage On Its 13th Century Terms, Not Even The Most Conservative People...
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Being Content With What You Have Already Is An Art Form That Leads To A Peace That Can’t Be Replaced By Anything Else.
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Look For God. Look For God Like A Man With His Head On Fire Looks For Water.
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Men
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There's A Lot Of Disorder That Comes Along With Wanting To Know Everything And Wanting To Try Everything And Wanting To Experience Everything, But There's A Lot Of Knowledge That Comes Out Of It Too.
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When You Write A Novel, There’s A Level At Which You Are Much More Revealing About Who You Are Because You’re Less Self-conscious About How You’re Presenting Yourself. You Are Accidentally Leaving Your Dna All Over Everything In A Novel Because It’s All Coming From You.
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I Can See How The Authorities Could Not Like Todd [ Willingham], Because He's Not A Person Who Is Going To Give You Respect If You Don't Deserve It Just Because You Say Something.
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The Great Sufi Poet And Philosopher Rumi Once Advised His Students To Write Down The Three Things They Most Wanted In Life. If Any Item On The List Clashes With Any Other Item, Rumi Warned, You Are Destined For Unhappiness.
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The Fantasy Of The Wedding Day Is That It Represents Undeniable Public And Private Truth That You Have Been Chosen. For That One Day, You Are The Most Valuable Creature In The World - A Treasure, A Princess, A Prize.
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Tis' Better To Live Your Own Life Imperfectly Than To Imitate Someone Else's Perfectly.
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We Can Change Our Wives,” He Said. “we Can Change Our Jobs, Our Nationalities And Even Our Religions, But We Can Never Change Our Team.
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To Feel Physically Comfortable With Someone Else's Body Is Not A Decision You Make. It Has Very Little Thing To Do With How Two People Think Or Act Or Talk Or Even Look. The Mysterious Magnet Is Either There, Buried Somewhere Deep Behind The Sternum, Or It Is Not.
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If Something Is Rubbing So Hard Against You, You Can Be Sure It's Working On You.
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Nothing Is Less Efficient Than Perfectionism.
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Lay Your Wishes Aside For A Spell, And Look Deep Into What You Believe About Yourself. Make Sure Your Beliefs About Your Own Life Are Anchored In Greatness, In Holiness, In Worth, In Grace, In Joy, In Excitement -in Internal Certainties Rather Than External Circumstances. Because That Belief? That's Where You're Heading, No Matter What It May Look Like On The Outside.
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To My Taste, The Men In Rome Are Ridiculously, Hurtfully, Stupidly Beautiful. More Beautiful Even Than Roman Women, To Be Honest. Italian Men Are Beautiful In The Same Way As French Women, Which Is To Say-- No Detail Spared In The Quest For Perfection. They’re Like Show Poodles. Sometimes They Look So Good I Want To Applaud.
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The Mosquitoes Here Are Big Enough To Rape A Chicken.
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Beauty Is Not Required. Beauty Is Accuracy's Distraction.
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A Lovely Evening Of New Idioms And Fresh Mozzarella.
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Nobody's Life Is Interesting Enough To Warrant A Third Memoir.
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I've Always Been Afraid Of Saying No To People Because I Don't Want Them To Be Disappointed And Dislike Me.
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Zen Masters Say You Cannot See Your Reflection In Running Water, Only In Still Water.
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I Wonder If I Am Capable Of Being Somebody’s Sun, Somebody’s Everything. Am I Centered Enough Now To Be The Center Of Somebody Else’s Life?
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You Must Find Another Reason To Work, Other Than The Desire For Success Or Recognition. It Must Come From Another Place.
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Recognition
The Resting Place Of The Mind Is The Heart. The Only Thing The Mind Hears All Day Is Clanging Bells And Noise And Argument, And All It Wants Is Quietude. The Only Place The Mind Will Ever Find Peace Is Inside The Silence Of The Heart. That's Where You Need To Go.
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Mind
Om Namah Shivaya, Meaning, I Honor The Divinity That Resides Within Me.
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Divinity
Eat Love Pray
Virginia Woolf Wrote, "across The Broad Continent Of A Woman's Life Falls The Shadow Of A Sword." On One Side Of That Sword, She Said, There Lies Convention And Tradition And Order, Where All Is Correct. But On The Other Side Of That Sword, If You're Crazy Enough To Cross It And Choose A Life That Does Not Follow Convention, "all Is Confusion." Nothing Follows A Regular Course. Her Argument Was That The Crossing Of The Shadow Of That Sword May Bring A More Interesting Existence To A Woman, But You Can Bet It Will Be More Perilous.
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I Think My Weakness As A Writer Is A Limited Imagination, And I Think My Strength Is A Talent For Reflecting The World, Or Sort Of Curating Things Out Of The World And Putting Them Into Books.
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The Sound Universe Is Also Spectacular Around Here. In The Evenings There's A Cricket Orchestra With Frogs Providing The Bass Line. In The Dead Of Night The Dogs Howl About How Misunderstood They Are. Before Dawn The Roosters For Miles Around Announce How Freaking Cool It Is To Be Roosters.
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Because I Know Something That You Don't Know. I Know That This Is The Worst Experience Of Your Life, But I Also Know That Someday You'll Move Past It And You'll Be Fine. And Helping Somebody Likej You Through The Worst Experience Of Her Life Is Incredibly Gratifying.
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I Was A Veritable Johnny Appleseed Of Grand Expectations, And All I Reaped For My Trouble Was A Harvest Of Bitter Fruit.
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A Soul Mates Purpose Is To Shake You Up, Tear Apart Your Ego A Little Bit, Show You Your Obstacles And Addictions, Break Your Heart Open So New Light Can Get In, Make You So Desperate And Out Of Control That You Have To Transform Your Life, Then Introduce You To Your Spiritual Master.
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Unfenced By Law, The Unmarried Lover Can Quit A Bad Relationship At Any Time. But You - The Legally Married Person Who Wants To Escape Doomed Love - May Soon Discover That A Significant Portion Of Your Marriage Contract Belongs To The State, And That It Sometimes Takes A Very Long While For The State To Grant You Your Leave.
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The Search For God Is A Reversal Of The Normal, Mundane Worldly Order. In Search For God, You Revert From What Attracts You And Swim Toward That Which Is Difficult. You Abandon Your Comforting And Familiar Habits With The Hope (the Mere Hope!) That Something Greater Will Be Offered You In Return For What You Have Given Up.. If We Truly Knew All The Answers In Advance As To The Meaning Of Life And The Nature Of God And The Destiny Of Our Souls, Our Belief Would Not Be A Leap Of Faith And It Would Not Be A Courageous Act Of Humanity; It Would Just Be.. A Prudent Insurance Policy.
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A True Soul Mate Is Probably The Most Important Person You'll Ever Meet, Because They Tear Down Your Walls And Smack You Awake.
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We Gallop Through Our Lives Like Circus Performers Balancing On Two Speeding Side-by-side Horses--one Foot Is On The Horse Called "fate," The Other On The Horse Called "free Will." And The Question You Have To Ask Every Day Is--which Horse Is Which? Which Horse Do I Need To Stop Worrying About Because It's Not Under My Control, And Which Do I Need To Steer With Concentrated Effort?
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I Thought About One Of My Favorite Sufi Poems, Which Says That God Long Ago Drew A Circle In The Sand Exactly Around The Spot Where You Are Standing Right Now. I Was Never Not Coming Here. This Was Never Not Going To Happen.
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I Tried To Reassure Him With Every Line About How The World Is Hard And Unfair Sometimes, But That It's All Ok Because He Is So Loved. He Is Surrounded By Souls Who Would Do Anything To Help Him. And Not Only That--he Has Wisdom And Patience Of His Own, Buried Deep Inside His Being, Which Will Only Reveal Themselves Over Time And Will Always Carry Him Through Any Trial. He Is A Gift From God To All Of Us.
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When The Past Has Passed From You At Last, Let Go. Then Climb Down And Begin The Rest Of Your Life. With Great Joy.
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Sometimes Life Is Too Hard To Be Alone, And Sometimes Life Is Too Good To Be Alone.
Love
Heartbreak
Being Alone
This Is A Good Sign, Having A Broken Heart. It Means We Have Tried For Something.
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My Heart Was Broken So Badly Last Time That It Still Hurts. Isn't That Crazy? To Still Have A Broken Heart Almost Two Years After A Love Story Ends?
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Dear Lord, Please Show Me Everything I Need To Understand About Forgiveness And Surrender
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Needs
Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide.
Guides
Wish Upon A Star
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I've Been Screwed And Sued And Tattooed, And I'm Still Standin' Here In Front Of You.
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Stills
Fronts
Being A Woman Did Not Look Enviable To Me, Even When It Looked Admirable. It Looked Like Nonstop Sacrifice And Service. Because It Was. Being A Woman Seemed Vulnerable And Sad. Even The Strong Women I Knew - And They Were All Strong - Had Earned Their Strength Through Enduring Huge Disappointments And Tremendous Struggles.
Strong Women
Disappointment
Struggle
The Only Thing You Need To Do For Now Is Get Some Rest And Take Good Care Of Yourself Until You Do Know The Answer
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Care
Don't Be Daunted. Just Do Your Job. Continue To Show Up For Your Piece Of It, Whatever That Might Be. If Your Job Is To Dance, Do Your Dance. If The Divine, Cockeyed Genius Assigned To Your Case Decides To Let Some Sort Of Wonderment Be Glimpsed, For Just One Moment Through Your Efforts, Then 'ole!' And If Not, Do Your Dance Anyhow. And 'ole!' To You, Nonetheless. I Believe This And I Feel That We Must Teach It. 'ole!' To You, Nonetheless, Just For Having The Sheer Human Love And Stubbornness To Keep Showing Up.
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Believe
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I Was A Writer Before 'eat, Pray, Love,' And I'll Be A Writer After It's Over. It's What I Want To Do For The Rest Of My Life.
Want
Praying
Eat Love Pray
Whatever This Feeling Is - This Is What I Have Been Praying For. And This Is Also What I Have Been Praying To.
Feelings
Praying
Has Beens
That Competition And The Struggle For Existence Is The Mechanism Behind This State Of Perpetual Change.
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States
Americans Have An Inability To Relax Into Sheer Pleasure.ours Is An Entertainment Seeking-nation, But Not Necessarily A Pleasure-seeking One....this Is The Cause Of That Great Sad American Stereotype- The Overstressed Executive Who Goes On Vacation, But Who Cannot Relax.
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But If You Can Plant Yourself In Stillness Long Enough, You Will, In Time, Experience The Truth That Everything (both Uncomfortable And Lovely) Does Eventually Pass.
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Doe
I Have More Compassion Than If I Had Led A Life Where Everything Worked Out Exactly As I Had Planned Or If I Had Never Been Wounded Or If I Had Never Been Betrayed Or I Had Never Been Harmed. I Don't Think I Would Be As Good A Person.
Thinking
Compassion
Would Be
At That Moment Of Realization (that Union With God Is Always Present), That's When God Let Me Go, Let Me Slide Through His Fingers With This Last Compassionate, Unspoken Message: You May Return Here Once You Have Fully Come To Understand That You Are Always Here.
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May
Someone Asked Me If I Would Like To Write A Man On Death Row, Be A Pen Pal, And I Was Like, Sure. I Volunteered. I Had Been In A Place In My Life - A Relationship Had Ended; My Parents Were Getting Elderly - I Was Kind Of Adrift. The Name That Was Given To Me, Just Randomly, Was Todd Willingham. And He Wrote Me A Letter, And In This Letter, He Thanked Me For Writing Him And [said That] If I Would Like To Visit, He Would Put Me On His Visitor List... I Was Just Really Struck By The Letter From Todd. It Was Very Polite; It Was Very Kind.
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Men
Elderly
I Like It When Science And Devotion Find Places Of Intersection.
Devotion
Intersections
Soon You Start Craving That Intense Attention With The Hungry Obsession Of Any Junkie. When The Drug Is Withheld You Probably Turn Sick, Crazy And Depleted Not To Mention Resentful Of The Dealer Who Encourage This Addiction In The First Place But Who Now Refuses To Pony Up The Good Stuff Anymore Despite That You Know That He Has It Hidden Somewhere God Dammit Because You Know That He Used To Give It To You For Free.
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Addiction
Giving
Childlessness Doesn't Make People Selfish; Selfishness Makes People Selfish.
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People
Selfishness
All The Parts Of Us That We Ever Were Are Always Going To Be With Us. You Make Space To Carry Them And You Just Try Not To Let Them Drive. But You Can't Chuck Them Out Either.
Space
Trying
Chuck
My Work Is Incredibly Important To Me Personally. It Brings Me Joy And It Brings Me Life And It Brings Me Meaning. It Doesn't Necessarily Have To Be Important To The People Who Read It.
People
Joy
Important
You Were Given Life; It Is Your Duty (and Also Your Entitlement As A Human Being) To Find Something Beautiful Within Life, No Matter How Slight.
Life
Beauty
Beautiful
There's A Part Of Me Which Has Always Wanted To Hear A Man Say, "let Me Take Care Of You Forever," And I Have Never Heard It Spoken Before. Over The Last Few Years, I'd Given Up Looking For That Person, Learned How To Say This Heartening Sentence To Myself, Especially In Times Of Fear. But To Hear It From Someone Else Now, From Someone Who Is Speaking Sincerely.
Men
Years
Forever
I've Read That Under Trauma, That You Have This Ability To Kind Of Disconnect From The Experience.
Kind
Trauma
Ability
The Thing That I Do Try To Convey Is, Don't Do What I Did - But Ask What I Asked.
Trying
Asks
In Venice In The Middle Ages There Was Once A Profession For A Man Called A Codega--a Fellow You Hired To Walk In Front Of You At Night With A Lit Lantern, Showing You The Way, Scaring Off Thieves And Demons, Bringing You Confidence And Protection Through The Dark Streets.
Dark
Night
Men
The Yogic Sages Say That All The Pain Of A Human Life Is Caused By Words, As Is All The Joy. We Create Words To Define Our Experience And Those Words Bring Attendant Emotions That Jerk Us Around Like Dogs On A Leash. We Get Seduced By Our Own Mantras (i'm A Failure I'm Lonely I'm A Failure I'm Lonely) And We Become Monuments To Them. To Stop Talking For A While, Then, Is To Attempt To Strip Away The Power Of Words, To Stop Choking Ourselves With Words, To Liberate Ourselves From Our Suffocating Mantras.
Dog
Lonely
Pain
I’m Here. I Love You. I Don’t Care If You Need To Stay Up Crying All Night Long, I Will Stay With You... There’s Nothing You Can Ever Do To Lose My Love. I Will Protect You Until You Die, And After Your Death I Will Still Protect You. I Am Stronger Than Depression And I Am Braver Than Loneliness And Nothing Will Ever Exhaust Me.
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Romantic
Depression
Fear Can Have A Voice, But It Doesn't Get A Vote.
Voice
Vote
I Think A Lot Of People Who Feel As Though They Desperately Want To Be Married Oftentimes Simply Desperately Want To Have A Wedding.
Wedding
Thinking
People
But Never Again Use Another Person's Body Or Emotions As A Scratching Post For Your Own Unfulfilling Yearnings.
Loneliness
Being Single
Single Life
In Every Possible Instance Saint Paul Begged Christians To Restrain Themselves To Contain Their Carnal Yearnings To Live Solitary And Sexless Lives On Earth As It Is In Heaven. "but If They Cannot Contain " Paul Finally Conceded Then "let Them Marry For It Is Better To Marry Than To Burn." Which Is Perhaps The Most Begrudging Endorsement Of Matrimony In Human History.
Christian
Heaven
Saint
Maybe This Is Just Some Stupid Romantic South American Idea, But I Need You To Understand-darling, For You, I Am Even Willing To Suffer. Whatever Pain Happens To Us In The Future, I Accept It Already, Just For The Pleasure Of Being With You Now. Let's Enjoy This Time. It's Marvelous. Felipe-eat, Pray, Love
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Stupid
Ideas
Ruin Is A Gift. Ruin Is The Road To Transformation.
Inspirational
Tough Times
Crumbling
Now, If You Are Like Me - If You Are Like Practically Anybody In America - Then You Probably Hold Some Negative Opinions About The French, Based Upon Movies, Rumors, Recent Headlines, Unfortunate Run-ins With Parisian Waiters, Or... You Know... All That Unpleasantness Surrounding The Vichy Regime.
Running
America
Rumor
Desperate Love Is Always The Toughest Way To Do It.
Love Is
Way
Desperate
I Know This Simple Fact To Be True, For I Myself Have Abandoned People Who Did Not Want Me To Go, And I Myself Have Been Abandoned By Those Whom I Begged To Stay.
Simple
People
Want
My Restlessness Makes Me A Far Better Day-to-day Traveler Than He Will Ever Be. I Am Infinitely Curious And Almost Infinitely Patient With Mishaps, Discomforts, And Minor Disasters. So I Can Go Anywhere On The Planet—that’s Not A Problem. The Problem Is That I Just Can’t Live Anywhere On The Planet.
Travel
Patient
Problem
God Isn't Interested In Watching You Enact Some Performance Of Personality In Order To Comply With Some Crackpot Notion You Have About How A Spiritual Person Looks Or Behaves. We All Seem To Get This Idea That, In Order To Be Sacred, We Have To Make Some Massive, Dramatic Change Of Character, That We Have To Renounce Our Individuality.
Spiritual
Character
Order
I Feel Like There Are Women Who Are Genuinely Born To Be Mothers, And Women Who Are Born To Be Aunties, And Women Who Really Probably Not Should Be Allowed Near Children. The Tragedy That Happens Is When Any One Of Those Women Ends Up In The Wrong Category.
Mother
Children
Tragedy
I Equal Parts Loved Him And Could Not Stand Him. I Couldn't Wake Him To Share In My Distress.
Share
Equal
Distress
Reality Has Taught Us That No Woman Can Build An Honest Life Without Sacrificing Something Along The Way. Deciding What Will Be Sacrificed Is Not Easy.
Sacrifice
Reality
Taught Us
The Thing I Love About Dickens Is The Omniscient, Omnipotent Narrator, And The Great Confidence Of The Narrator, Which Marks 19th-century Novelists In General And Dickens In Particular.
Things I Love
Narrators
Novelists
It's Not An Accident That Both My Sister And I Are Writers. Our Parents Created An Accidental Petri Dish. My Family Has Great Storytellers, And I Grew Up In A Very Funny, Conversational House And Didn't Have Television. This Small Family Farm Was A Bubble World That Didn't Have Much To Do With Reality.
Reality
House
Parent
I Went To Shea Stadium And Used The Men's Room. Terrifying. There Was This Little Kid Looking At Me Through The Crack [in The Stall]. And I Was Like, "if You Tell Anyone What You've Seen..."
Kids
Men
Cracks
I Spent A Week Living As A Man. Which Was Actually, I'm Sorry To Say, Embarrassingly Easy For Me To Do.
Sorry
Men
Week
No Experience In This World Has Ever Been Cathartic Without The Willing Participation Of The Individual. Life Does Not Automatically Bestow Wisdom Or Growth Upon Anyone Just For Showing Up.
Growth
Doe
World
It's So Much Easier And Cheaper To Keep The River Uncontaminated In The First Place Than It Is To Clean It Up Again Once It's Been Polluted.
Rivers
Firsts
Clean
I Know What It Feels Like To Be Bruised; I Know What It Feels Like To Carry Things Around With You That Never Totally Heal. There's Closure And Then There's Stuff That's Kind Of Like, Well, I Guess It's Going To Be In The Minivan Forever. And You Carry It With You And You Continue On Your Journey With Your Minivan Full Of Stuff, Which I Think Most Of Us Do.
Journey
Thinking
Forever
Men Go Into Marriage With Virtually No Expectations Whatsoever. Ten Years Later, The Men Are Delightfully Surprised To Find Out That It's Actually Kind Of Nice, And The Women Have Sort Of Had To Take A Nose Dive From What They Thought It Was Going To Be.
Nice
Men
Years
The Only Place The Mind Will Ever Find Peace Is Inside The Silence Of The Heart. That's Where You Need To Go
Heart
Silence
Mind
There Is Hardly A More Gracious Gift That We Can Offer Somebody Than To Accept Them Fully, To Love Them Almost Despite Themselves.
Love
Acceptance
Offering
Every Woman Deserves A Man That Can Make Her Heart Forget That It Was Ever Broken. Even If These Have Been Broken To Pieces To Me,this Represents A Person Who Gave Me A Complete,flawless Heart. I Don't Need Someone Who Makes My Heart Whole. Instead, I Need Someone Who Will Never Let Me Feel Broken. This Is A Good Sign, Having A Broken Heart. It Means We Have Tried For Something.
Heart
Mean
Men
I Am Burdened With What The Buddhists Call The Monkey Mind. The Thoughts That Swing From Limb To Limb, Stopping Only To Scratch Themselves, Spit And Howl. My Mind Swings Wildly Through Time, Touching On Dozens Of Ideas A Minute, Unharnessed And Undisciplined. You Are, After All, What You Think. Your Emotions Are The Slaves To Your Thoughts, And You Are The Slave To Your Emotions.
Buddhist
Thinking
Ideas
He Was Still My Romantic Hero And I Was Still His Living Dream
Dream
Hero
Stills
I Decide Every Day That I Love Creativity Enough To Accept That Fear Will Always Come With It. And I Talk To Fear All The Time, Speaking To It With Love And Respect, Saying To It: “i Know That You Are Fear, And That Your Job Is To Be Afraid. And You Do Your Job Really Well! I Will Never Ask You To Leave Me Alone Or To Be Silent, Because You Have A Right To Speak Your Own Voice, And I Know That You Will Never Leave Me Alone Or Be Silent, Anyhow. But I Need You To Understand That I Will Always Choose Creativity Over You.
Jobs
Creativity
Voice
Thich Nhat Hanh Has The Ability To Bring Forth The State Of Peace That We Each Inherently Posses Merely By His Presence In A Room-this Is Divine Power.
Rooms
Divine Power
States
This Person Had Arrived, He Had Illuminated Her, He Had Ensorcelled Her With Notions Of Miracle And Beauty, He Had Both Understood And Misunderstood Her, He Had Married Her, He Had Broken Her Heart, He Had Looked Upon Her With Those Sad And Hopeless Eyes, He Had Accepted His Banishment, And Now He Was Gone. What A Stark And Stunning Thing Was Life- That Such A Cataclysm Can Enter And Depart So Quickly, And Leave Such Wreckage Behind!
Heart
Eye
Broken
God Is An Experience Of Supreme Love.
Supreme
I Feel Like All This Stuff That We Make: Books And Art And Music, All Of It. There's This Energy That Circles The World That Wants To Be Made Manifest, And It Is Just Looking For Someone To Come Through. And It's Dying For You To Make It. And If You Don't Do It, It Will Go Find Somebody Else.
Art
Book
Circles
Nothing In The Last Few Years Has Dazzled Me More Than Hilary Mantel's 'wolf Hall,' Which Blew The Top Of My Head Straight Off. I've Read It Three Times, And I'm Still Trying To Figure Out How She Put That Magnificent Thing Together.
Years
Trying
Together
Traveling Is The Great True Love Of My Life... I Am Loyal And Constant In My Love Of Travel. I Feel About Travel The Way A Happy New Mother Feels About Her Impossible, Colicky, Restless Newborn Baby - I Just Don't Care What It Puts Me Through. Because I Adore It. Because It's Mine. Because It Looks Exactly Like Me.
Mother
Baby
Love Of My Life
Equally Disquieting Are The Times When We Do Make A Choice, Only To Later Feel As Though We Have Murdered Some Other Aspect Of Our Being By Settling On One Single Concrete Decision.
Choices
Decision
Settling
Creativity Is A Scavenger Hunt. It's Your Obligation To Pay Attention To Clues, To The Thing That Gives You That Little Tweak.
Creativity
Giving
Attention
The Reality, Certainly In My Life, Is That We All Have Love Stories That Go Terribly Wrong; We All Have Horribly Broken Hearts. And Somehow We Endure. We're Not Destroyed By It.
Heart
Reality
Broken
To Be Fully Seen By Somebody, Then, And Be Loved Anyhow - This Is A Human Offering That Can Border On Miraculous.
Love
Marriage
Pregnancy
As Smoking Is To The Lungs, So Is Resentment To The Soul; Even One Puff Is Bad For You.
Smoking
Soul
Puff
I Won The Argument Against The Knife That Night, But Barely. I Had Some Other Good Ideas Around That Time--about How Jumping Off A Building Or Blowing My Brains Out With A Gun Might Stop The Suffering. But Something About Spending A Night With A Knife In My Hand Did It. The Next Morning I Called My Friend Susan As The Sun Came Up, Begged Her To Help Me. I Don't Think A Woman In The Whole History Of My Family Had Ever Done That Before, Had Ever Sat In The Middle Of The Road Like That And Said, In The Middle Of Her Life, "i Cannot Walk Another Step Further--somebody Has To Help Me.
Morning
Gun
Night
Women Have Always Been More Critical Of Marriage Than Men. The Great Mysterious Irony Of It Is - At Least It's The Stereotype - That Women Want To Get Married And Men Are Trying To Avoid It. Marriage Doesn't Benefit Women As Much As Men, And It Never Has. And Women, Once They Are Married, Become Very Critical Of Marriages In A Way That Men Don't.
Men
Trying
Benefits
The Yogic Path Is About Disentangling The Built-in Glitches Of The Human Condition, Which I'm Going To Over-simply Define Here As The Heartbreaking Inability To Sustain Contentment.
Contentment
Heartbreaking
Inability
I Want To Have A Lasting Experience With God. Sometimes I Feel Like I Understand The Divinity Of This World, But Then I Loose It Because I Get Distracted By My Petty Desires And Fears. I Want To Be With God All The Time. But I Don't Want To Be A Monk, Or Totally Give Up Worldly Pleasures. I Guess What I Want To Learn Is How To Leave In This World And Enjoy Its Delights, But Also Elevate Myself To God.
Life
Giving Up
Religion
But We Are Not What The Other One Needs, Still He Is Certain That I Will Find Great Love In My Life Someday. He Is Sure Of It. After All, He Says, Beauty Attracts Beauty.
Great Love
Needs
Someday
When I Read The Article [in The New Yorker] By David Grann, I Was Very Struck By People Responding To The Article, Of People Thinking I Was Such A Hero And What A Wonderful Person I Was, And I Didn't Feel That At All. I Felt Like I Had Very Much, Like Todd [willingham], Taken A Path Of Self-preservation.
Taken
Hero
Thinking
Who Loves You Most? Who Loves You Best? Who Thinks Of You When Others Rest?
Love You
Thinking
Think Of You
It Used To Be That God Was Revealed In The Wonders Of Nature; Now God Was Being Challenged By Those Same Wonders. Scholars Were Now Required To Choose One Side Or The Other.
Sides
Wonder
Used
When You're Lost In Those Woods, It Sometimes Takes You A While To Realize That You Are Lost.
Journey
Woods
Sometimes
Writing Is Not Like Dancing Or Modeling; It's Not Something Where-if You Missed It By Age 19-you're Finished. It's Never Too Late. Your Writing Will Only Get Better As You Get Older And Wiser. If You Write Something Beautiful And Important, And The Right Person Somehow Discovers It, They Will Clear Room For You On The Bookshelves Of The World-at Any Age. At Least Try.
Beautiful
Writing
Dancing
There Are Times When The Only Access I Have To The Truest Person That I Am Is When I'm Alone And Trying To Solve A Sentence. It's Exciting, Even When It's Frustrating, Even When I Can't Do It Right.
Trying
Exciting
Frustrating
It Is Completely Acceptable To Be Tired Because It Means You're Working Hard. But It's Not Acceptable To Be Stressed Because That Means Things Are Going Wrong Or Your Head Is Broken.
Tired
Mean
Broken
Learn Your Way Around Loneliness. Make A Map Of It. Sit With It, For Once In Your Life. Welcome To The Human Experience.
Loneliness
Being Single
Single Life
The Nineteenth Century Was The Last Moment In History When A Relatively Educated Layperson Could Follow What Was Going On In The World Of Science And Invention To A Wide Degree. Also, There Were No "professionals". This Was A Time When Amateur Explorers, Naturalists And Enthusiasts Were Are Still Making Major Contributions To Progress.
Progress
Degrees
World
True Wisdom Gives The Only Possible Answer At Any Given Moment, And That Night, Going Back To Bed Was The Only Possible Answer.
Life
Night
Giving
The Only Thing More Unthinkable Than Leaving Was Staying; The Only Thing More Impossible Than Staying Was Leaving.
Love
Leaving
Impossible
Returning To Writing Fiction After 13 Years Away From It. Returning To The Rootstock Of My Whole Life As A Writer. It's What I Had Wanted To Be For My Entire Life, Since I Can Remember, Since My Particular Time Immemorial. It's How I Got My Start As A Writer.
Writing
Years
Fiction
Maturity Brings - Among Other Things - The Ability To Sustain And Survive Enormous Contradictions And Disappointments.
Disappointment
Maturity
Contradiction
Sanity And Clarity Are More Important For Me And I'm Willing To Give Up A Lot Of Shimmer For It. I'm Willing To Have More Boring Friends, Who Are Sane.
Giving Up
Important
Clarity
And We Have A Little Herb Garden, Which Survived The Winter Thanks To Global Warming. It Makes Me Feel Like A Cool, Old Italian Housewife, That I Kept My Rosemary Alive Outside All Winter.
Winter
Italian
Garden
Embrace The Beautiful Mess That You Are.
Beautiful
Embrace
Beautiful Mess
There Are Only Two Questions That Human Beings Have Ever Fought Over, All Through History. 'how Much Do You Love Me?' And, 'who's In Charge?' Everything Else Is Somehow Manageable. But These Two Questions Of Love And Control Undo Us All, Trip Us Up And Cause War, Grief, And Suffering.
War
Grief
Two
Il Bel Far Niente Means 'the Beauty Of Doing Nothing'... [it] Has Always Been A Cherished Italian Ideal. The Beauty Of Doing Nothing Is The Goal Of All Your Work, The Final Accomplishment For Which You Are Most Highly Congratulated. The More Exquisitely And Delightfully You Can Do Nothing, The Higher Your Life's Achievement. You Don't Necessarily Need To Be Rich In Order To Experience This, Either.
Mean
Italian
Order
I Never Promised The Universe That I Would Write Brilliantly; I Only Promised The Universe That I Would Write.
Writing
Universe
There Is So Much About My Fate That I Cannot Control, But Other Things Do Fall Under The Jurisdiction. I Can Decide How I Spend My Time, Whom I Interact With, Whom I Share My Body And Life And Money And Energy With. I Can Select What I Can Read And Eat And Study. I Can Choose How I'm Going To Regard Unfortunate Circumstances In My Life-whether I Will See Them As Curses Or Opportunities. I Can Choose My Words And The Tone Of Voice In Which I Speak To Others. And Most Of All, I Can Choose My Thoughts.
Life
Attitude
Fall
Smile With Face, Smile With Mind, And Good Energy Will Come To You And Clean Away Dirty Energy.
Dirty
Mind
Energy
Everything Really Is Going To Be Okay. (and If Not Okay, Then At Least Comic.)
Comic
Okay
Not Okay
My Career Started Young And I Was Really Ambitious, And Then I Had Success And I Hung Out With People Who Were Much Older. I Think I Might Have Been Temporally Misplaced, So I Thought I Was 40. It Was A Premature Midlife Crisis.
Thinking
Careers
People
It Is Not We As Individuals, Then, Who Must Bend Uncomfortably Around The Institution Of Marriage; Rather, It Is The Institution Of Marriage That Has To Bend Uncomfortably Around Us.
Individual
Institutions
Ketut, Why Is Life All Crazy Like This?" I Asked My Medicine Man The Next Day...so What Can We Do About The Craziness Of The World?" Nothing." Ketut Laughed, But With A Dose Of Kindness. "this Is Nature Of World. This Is Destiny. Worry About Your Craziness Only-make You In Peace.
Kindness
Crazy
Destiny
What Kind Of Dog Is That?" I Would Always Give The Same Answer: "she's A Brown Dog." Similarly, When The Question Is Raised, "what Kind Of God Do You Believe In?" My Answer Is Easy: "i Believe In A Magnificent God.
Dog
Believe
Giving
Well, I Always Tried To Look Nice And Be Feminine Even In The Worst Tragedies And Crisis, There's No Reason To Add To Everyone's Misery By Looking Miserable Yourself. That's My Philosophy. This Is Why I Always Wore Makeup And Jewelry Into The Jungle-nothing Too Extravagant, But Maybe Just A Nice Gold Bracelet And Some Earrings, A Little Lipstick, Good Perfume. Just Enough To Show That I Still Had My Self-respect.
Philosophy
Nice
Makeup
Nobody's Really Paying That Much Attention To Your Massive Personal Dramas.
Drama
Attention
Massive
Venice Is Beautiful, But Like A Bergman Movie Is Beautiful; You Can Admire It, But You Don't Really Want To Live In It.
Beautiful
Venice
Want
Take Care Of The Problems Now, Or Else You'll Just Have To Suffer Again Later When You Scew Everything Up The Next Time. And That Repetition Of Suffering - That's Hell. Moving Out Of That Endless Repetition To A New Level Of Understand - There's Where You'll Find Heaven.
Karma
Moving
Heaven
Watch For The People Whose Eyes Light Up When You Talk About Your Dream. Those Are The People You Keep.
Dream
Eye
Light
You Love New Boyfriend?" "i Think So. Yes." "then You Must Spoil Him. And He Must Spoil You.
Thinking
New Boyfriend
Spoil
We All Want Things To Stay The Same. Settle For Living In Misery Because We Are Afraid Of Change, Of Things Crumbling To Ruins. Ruin Is A Gift. Ruin Is The Road To Transformation.
Inspirational
Hard Times
Crumbling
Why They Always Look So Serious In Yoga? You Make Serious Face Like This, You Scare Away Good Energy. To Meditate, Only You Must Smile. Smile With Face, Smile With Mind, And Good Energy Will Come To You And Clean Away Dirty Energy. Even Smile In Your Liver. Practice Tonight At Hotel. Not To Hurry, Not To Try Too Hard. Too Serious, You Make You Sick. You Can Calling The Good Energy With A Smile. (from Ketut Liyer, The Balinese Healer)
Dirty
Yoga
Practice
I Do Not Need To Love You To Prove That I Love Myself!!
Love You
Needs
I Love Myself
If You're Going To Answer The Call And You're Going To Transform And You're Going To Change, Get Ready. It Is Not A Day At The Beach.
Beach
Answers
Ready
Nobody Until Very Recently Would Have Thought That Their Husband Was Supposed To Be Their Best Friend, Confidante, Intellectual Soul Mate, Co-parent, Inspiration.
Friendship
Husband
Inspiration
When You Want To Do Something Creative And You Want To Do Something New, You Have To Start With The Thing That's Making You Want To Jump Up Out Of Bed In The Morning.
Morning
Creative
Want
As I Got Older, I Discovered That Nothing Within Me Cried Out For A Baby. My Womb Did Not Seem To Have Come Equipped With That Famously Ticking Clock. Unlike So Many Of My Friends, I Did Not Ache With Longing Whenever I Saw An Infant. (though I Did Ache With Longing, It Is True, Whenever I Saw A Good Used-book Shop)
Baby
Book
Saws
A True Soul Mate Is A Mirror, The Person Who Shows You Everything That Is Holding You Back, The Person Who Brings You To Your Own Attention So You Can Change Your Life.
Soulmate
Mirrors
Flames
We All Have Love Stories That Go Terribly Wrong; We All Have Horribly Broken Hearts. And Somehow We Endure. We're Not Destroyed By It. We Endure And Go On To Do Interesting Things And Have Worthy Lives, Even Though We Carry Our Heartbreaks With Us. That's A Kind Of Personal Story Of Mine That I Don't Think I Would Tell In Memoir But I Do Think I Can Tell In Fiction.
Heart
Thinking
Interesting
If Life Gives You Lemons, Don't Settle For Simply Making Lemonade - Make A Glorious Scene At A Lemonade Stand.
Giving
Settling
Scene
Your Tears Are My Prayers.
Prayer
Tears
Given That Life Is So Short, Do I Really Want To Spend One-ninetieth Of My Remaining Days On Earth Reading Edward Gibbon?
Reading
Earth
Want
I'm Choosing Happiness Over Suffering, I Know I Am. I'm Making Space For The Unknown Future To Fill Up My Life With Yet-to-come Surprises.
Happiness
Space
Suffering
I Am Alone, I Am All Alone, I Am Completely Alone. Grasping This Reality, I Let Go Of My Bag, Drop To My Knees And Press My Forehead Against The Floor. There, I Offer Up To The Universe A Fervent Prayer Of Thanks. First In English. Then In Italian. And Then - Just To Get The Point Across - In Sanskrit.
Letting Go
Prayer
Italian
The Trick At Every Turn Was To Endure The Test Of Living For As Long As Possible. The Odds Of Survival Were Punishingly Slim, For The World Was Naught By A School Of Calamity And An Endless Burning Furnace Of Tribulation. But Those Who Survived The World Shaped It--even As The World, Simultaneously, Shaped Them.
School
Odds
Long
Parla Come Magni,' It Means, 'speak The Way You Eat,' Or In My Personal Translation: 'say It Like You Eat It.' It's A Reminder - When You're Making A Big Deal Out Of Explaining Something, When You're Searching For The Right Words - To Keep Your Language As Simple And Direct As Roman Rood. Don't Make A Big Production Out Of It. Just Lay It On The Table.
Mean
Simple
Tables
Too Many Maniacs Not Enough Michelangelos
Enough
Maniacs
Creativity Does Not Belong Exclusively To Professional Artists And Geniuses; It Is The Birthright Of Every Single Human Being. Creativity Is Our Common Heritage. You Don’t Need To Quit Your Job And Move To Paris In Order To Lay Claim To This Heritage - All You Have To Do Is Clear Some Space In Your Life For Whimsy, Invention, Sensory Pleasure, And Play. Most Of All, You Have To Learn How To Follow Your Curiosity More Than Your Fear.
Jobs
Moving
Creativity
Marriage Is Not Simply A Romantic Union Between Two People; It's Also A Political And Economic Contract Of The Highest Order.
Order
Two
People
God Wants Us To Be In Joy, God Wants Us To Be Happy. Because Of This Extraordinary Consciousness And This Great Ability For Wonder And Marvel, And Without Denying Any Of The Terrors And Horrors Of The World, We Also Have An Obligation Toward Joy And Toward Miracle And Excitement.
Joy
Miracle
World
The Only Boring People I Know Are Bored People.
People
Bored
Boring
Faith Is Walking Face-first And Full-speed Into The Dark. If We Truly Knew All The Answers In Advance As To The Meaning Of Life And The Nature Of God And The Destiny Of Our Souls, Our Belief Would Not Be A Leap Of Faith And It Would Not Be A Courageous Act Of Humanity; It Would Just Be... A Prudent Insurance Policy.
Faith
Courage
Dark
I Wondered, "why Have I Been Chasing Happiness My Whole Life When Bliss Was Here The Entire Time?
Bliss
Chasing
Whole Life
Imagine That The Universe Is A Great Spinning Engine. You Want To Stay Near The Core Of The Thing - Right In The Hub Of The Wheel - Not Out At The Edges Where All The Wild Whirling Takes Place, Where You Can Get Frayed And Crazy. The Hub Of Calmness - That's Your Heart. That's Where God Lives Within You. So Stop Looking For Answers In The World. Just Keep Coming Back To That Center And You'll Always Find Peace.
Peace
Crazy
Passion
You Might Get Nothing Out Of It At All Except A Beautiful, Long Life Where All You Did Was Follow Your Gorgeous Curiosity. And That Should Be Enough Too.
Beautiful
Long
Curiosity
I Would Like To Spend The Rest Of My Days In A Place So Silent–and Working At A Pace So Slow–that I Would Be Able To Hear Myself Living.
Novelists
Would Be
Pace
Time -- When Pursued Like A Bandit -- Will Behave Like One; Always Remaining One Country Or One Room Ahead Of You, Changing Its Name And Hair Color To Elude You, Slipping Ou The Back Door Of The Motel Just As You're Banging Through The Lobby With Your Newest Search Warrant, Leaving Only A Burning Cigarette In The Ashtray To Taunt You.
Country
Hair
Doors
You Know The Old Adage: Plant An Expectation, Reap A Disappointment.
Disappointment
Expectations
Plant
Teach Your Heart That This Is Destiny
Heart
Destiny
Teach
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