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A Dog Is The Only Thing On Earth That Loves You More Than You Love Yourself.

-Josh Billings

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A Dog Is The

Josh Billings

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A Dog Is The Only Thing On Earth That Loves You More Than You Love Yourself.

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As The Flint Contains The Spark, Unknown To Itself, Which The Steel Alone Can Awaken To Life, So Adversity Often Reveals To Us Hidden Gems, Which Prosperity Or Negligence Would Forever Have Hidden.

There Is Not A Whole Lot Of Fun In Medicine But There Is A Whole Lot Of Medicine In Fun.

Man Isn't A Fool For His Ignorance, But Rather For Believing Things That Are Wrong.

Experience Makes More Timid Men Than It Does Wise Ones.

Successful Writers Learn At Last What They Should Learn At First,--to Be Intelligently Simple.

There Is Only One Good Substitute For The Endearments Of A Sister, And That Is The Endearments Of Some Other Fellow's Sister.

Despatch Is Taking Time By The Ears; Hurry Is Taking It By The End Of The Tail.

Ambition Is Like Hunger; It Obeys No Law But Its Appetite

When A Man Makes Up His Mind To Become A Rascal, He Should Examine Himself Closely And See If He Isn't Better Constructed For A Fool.

There Are Two Things In Life For Which We Are Never Truly Prepared: Twins.

One Of The Greatest Victories You Can Gain Over Someone Is To Beat Him At Politeness.

Greatest Victory

Doesn't Know Much, But Leads The League In Nostril Hair.

You Cannot Analyze A Kiss Any More Than You Can Dissect The Fragrance Of Flowers.

Be Like A Postage Stamp. Stick To One Thing Until You Get There.

Put An Englishman Into The Garden Of Eden, And He Would Find Fault With The Whole Blasted Concern; Put A Yankee In, And He Would See Where He Could Alter It To Advantage; Put An Irishman In, And He Would Want To Boss The Thing; Put A Dutchman In, And He Would Proceed To Plant It.

Rumor Is A Vagrant Without A Home, And Lives Upon What It Can Pick Up.

It's Not What We Don't Know That Prevents Us From Succeeding; It's What We Know That Just Ain't So That Is Our Greatest Obstacle.

I Think When The Full Horror Of Being Fifty Hits You, You Should Stay Home And Have A Good Cry.

I Have Never Known A Person To Live To Be One Hundred And Be Remarkable For Anything Else.

No One Can Disgrace Us But Ourselves.

There Is No Greater Evidence Of Superior Intelligence Than To Be Surprised At Nothing.

Silence Is One Of The Hardest Kind Of Arguments To Refute. There Is No Good Substitute For Wisdom; But Silence Is The Best That Has Yet Been Discovered.

When A Man Gets Talking About Himself, He Seldom Fails To Be Eloquent And Often Reaches The Sublime.

There Never Yet Was A Mother Who Taught Her Child To Be An Infidel.

It Ain't So Much The Things We Don't Know That Get Us Into Trouble. It's The Things We Know That Just Ain't So.

Shame Is The Dying Embers Of Virtue.

Silence Is Said To Be Golden, But The Best Fools The World Has Ever Produced Had Nothing To Say On The Subject

It's Not Ignorance Does So Much Damage; It's Knowin' So Derned Much That Ain't So.

Don't Mistake Pleasure For Happiness. They Are A Different Breed Of Dogs.

Poverty Is One Of Them Kind Of Misfortunes That We All Of Us Dread But None Of Us Pity.

Perseverance Is King.

Take The Selfishness Out Of This World And There Would Be More Happiness Than We Should Know What To Do With.

Pedantry Is Paraded Knowledge.

Nature Makes All The Noblemen; Wealth, Education, Or Pedigree Never Made One Yet.

Some Folks As They Grow Older Grow Wise But Most Folks Simply Grow Stubborner.

I Haven't Got As Much Money As Some Folks, But I've Got As Much Impudence As Any Of Them, And That's The Next Thing To Money.

The Quickest Way To Take The Starch Out Of Someone Who Is Always Blaming Himself Is To Agree With Him.

In The Whole History Of The World There Is But One Thing That Money Cannot Buy...to Wit--the Wag Of A Dog's Tail.

Ignorance Ain't Not Knowin' Stuff; Ignorance Is Knowin' Stuff That Ain't True.

We Should Make Virtue Our Master, Not Our Servant.

Too Many Individuals Are Like Shakespeare's Definition Of "echo,"--babbling Gossips Of The Air.

Advice Is Like Castor Oil — Easy Enough To Give But Dreadful Hard To Take.

Biography Is The Best Form Of History.

The Lion And The Lamb May, Possibly, Sumtime Lay Down In This World Together For A Fu Minnits, But When The Lion Kums Tew Git Up, The Lamb Will Be Missing.

When I See A Man Of Shallow Understanding Extravagantly Clothed, I Feel Sorry - For The Clothes.

There Is No Limit To The Vanity Of This World. Each Spoke In The Wheel Thinks The Whole Strength Of The Wheel Depends Upon It.

Debt Is Like Any Other Trap, Easy Enough To Get Into, But Hard Enough To Get Out Of.

You Should Always Live Within Your Income, Even If You Have To Borrow To Do So.

Life Is Short, But It's Long Enough To Ruin Any Man Who Wants To Be Ruined.

If A Man Is Right, He Can't Be Too Radical; If He Is Wrong, He Can't Be Too Conservative.

Some Folks Are Wise And Some Otherwise.

Stupidity And Ignorance

It's Not Only The Most Difficult Thing To Know One's Self, But The Most Inconvenient.

As A General Thing, An Individual Who Is Neat In His Person Is Neat In His Morals.

I Never Question A Success, Any More Than I Do The Right Of A Bulldog To Lie In His Own Gateway.

What Is A Man Profited, If He Shall Gain The Whole World, And Lose His Own Soul I Suppose This Depends Somewhat Upon The Size Of The Soul. I Think There Are Cases Where The Trade Would Do.

It Ain't No Disgrace For A Man To Fall, But To Lie There And Grunt Is.

Keep A Cow, And Then The Milk Won't Have To Be Watered But Once.

Men Are Seldom Underrated; The Mercury In A Man Finds Its True Level In The Eyes Of The World Just As Certainly As It Does In The Glass Of A Thermometer.

I Hold That A Man Has As Much Right To Spell A Word As It Is Pronounced As He Has To Pronounce It The Way It Ain't Spelled.

There Is No Revenge So Complete As Forgiveness.

Remember The Poor, It Costs Nothing.

Common Sense Is Instinct, And Enough Of It Is Genius.

Admiration Is A Youthful Fancy Will Which Scarcely Ever Survives To Mature Years.

What The World Wants Iz [sic] Good Examples, Not So Mutch Advice; Advice May Be Wrong, But Examples Prove Themselves.

The Road To Ruin Is Always In Good Repair, And The Travellers Pay The Expense Of It.

Experience Is A Grindstone; And It Is Lucky For Us, If We Can Get Brightened By It, And Not Ground.

Our Continual Desire For Praise Ought To Convince Us Of Our Mortality, If Nothing Else Will.

Take The Humbug Out Of This World, And You Haven't Much Left To Do Business With.

Never Work Before Breakfast; If You Have To Work Before Breakfast, Eat Your Breakfast First.

Debt Is A Trap Which Man Sets And Baits Himself, And Then Deliberately Gets Into.

I Don't Never Have Any Trouble In Regulating My Own Conduct, But To Keep Other Folks' Straight Is What Bothers Me.

Good Nonsense Is Good Sense In Disguise.

Flattery Is Like Cologne Water, To Be Smelt, Not Swallowed.

It Ain't What A Man Don't Know That Makes Him A Fool, But What He Does Know That Ain't So.

Wisdom Deprives Even Poverty Of Half Its Power.

The Wheel That Squeaks The Loudest Is The One That Gets The Grease.

Don't Have Any More Secrets Than You Can Keep Yourself.

Newfoundland Dogs Are Good To Save Children From Drowning, But You Must Have A Pond Of Water Handy And A Child, Or Else There Will Be No Profit In Boarding A Newfoundland.

When A Young Man Begins To Go Down Hill Everything Seems To Be Greased For The Occasion.

Advice Is Like Kissing: It Costs Nothing And Is A Pleasant Thing To Do.

Politeness Is Better Than Logic. You Can Often Persuade When You Cannot Convince.

Error Will Slip Through A Crack, While Truth Will Stick In A Doorway.

Ignorance Is The Wet-nurse Of Prejudice.

People Who Have Nothing To Say Are Never At A Loss In Talking.

When Good-natured People Leave Us We Look Forward With Extra Pleasure To Their Return.

Theres Not A Lot Of Good Humor In Medicine, But Theres A Lot Of Medicine In Good Humor.

I Never Knew A Man Troubled With Melancholy, Who Had Plenty To Do, And Did It.

Common Sense Is An Instinct Given To Man And Enough Of It Is Genius. Smartness Is Measured By The Level Of Common Sense One Has, Not By How Much Educated Or Knowledgeable He Is.

Prejudice Assumes The Garb Of Reason, But The Cheat Is Too Thin.

The More Humble A Man Is Before God The More He Will Be Exalted; The More Humble He Is Before Man, The More He Will Get Rode Roughshod.

As In A Game Ov Cards, So In The Game Ov Life, We Must Play What Is Dealt Tew Us, And The Glory Consists, Not So Mutch In Winning, As In Playing A Poor Hand Well.

Life Is Like A Mountain: After Climbing Up One Side And Sliding Down The Other, Put Up The Sled.

When A Man Comes To Me For Advice, I Find Out The Kind Of Advice He Wants, And I Give It To Him.

Habits Are Like The Wrinkles On A Man's Brow; If You Will Smooth Out The One, I Will Smooth Out The Other.

It's Not So Hard To Get Rich As It Is To Know When You Have Gotten Rich.

Unless We Put Heart And Soul Into Our Labor We But Brutify Our Actions.

If You Ever Find Happiness By Hunting For It, You Will Find It, As The Old Woman Did Her Lost Spectacles, Safe On Her Own Nose All The Time.

The Man Who Gets Bit Twice By The Same Dog Is Better Adapted For That Kind Of Business Than Any Other.

Satire That Is Seasonable And Just Is Often More Effectual Than Law Or Gospel.

A Good Place To Visit, But A Poor Place To Stay.

Don't Put Off Till Tomorrow What Can Be Enjoyed Today.

Procrastination

The Squeeky Wheel Gets The Grease.

Incredulity Is The Wisdom Of The Fool.

Silence Never Makes Any Blunders.

Theory Looks Well On Paper, But Does Not Amount To Anything Without Practice.

It Is Not Much Trouble To Doctor Sick Folks, But To Doctor Healthy Ones Is Troublesome.

The Great Art Of Writing Is Knowing When To Stop.

Seneca Devoted Much Of His Time To Writing Essays In Praise Of Poverty, And In Lending Money At Usurious Rates.

The Thinner The Ice, The More Anxious Is Everyone To See Whether It Will Bear.

Pedigrees Seldom Improve By Age; The Grandson Is Too Often A Weak Infringement On The Grandsire's Parent.

Half Of The Troubles Of This Life Can Be Traced To Saying Yes Too Quickly And Not Saying No Soon Enough.

It Ain't Because Lovers Are So Sensitive That They Quarrel So Often; It Is Because There Is So Much Fun N The Making Up.

Man Was Created A Little Lower Than The Angels And Has Been Getting A Little Lower Ever Since.

Money Will Buy A Pretty Good Dog, But It Won't Buy The Wag Of His Tail.

There's A Lot Of People In This World Who Spend So Much Time Watching Their Health That They Haven't The Time To Enjoy It.

It Is The Little Bits Of Things That Fret And Worry Us; We Can Dodge A Elephant, But We Can't Dodge A Fly.

Consider The Postage Stamp: Its Usefulness Consists In The Ability To Stick To One Thing Till It Gets There.

There's A Great Power In Words, If You Don't Hitch Too Many Of Them Together.

Honesty Is The Rarest Wealth Anyone Can Possess, And Yet All The Honesty In The World Ain't Lawful Tender For A Loaf Of Bread.

Clothes Form The Intellect Of The Dandy.

The Happiest Time In Any Man's Life Is When He Is In Red-hot Pursuit Of A Dollar With A Reasonable Prospect Of Overtaking It.

Occasions Are Rare; And Those, Who Know How To Seize Upon Them, Are Rarer.

Rare Opportunities

Poverty Is The Step-mother Of Genius.

Experience Increases Our Wisdom But Doesn't Reduce Our Follies.

Fashion Makes Fools Of Some, Sinners Of Others, And Slaves Of All.

It Is A Great Art To Be Superior To Others Without Letting Them Know It.

Friendship Is Like Earthenware, Once Broken, It Can Be Mended; Love Is Like A Mirror, Once Broken That Ends It.

Never Teach Your Child To Be Cunning Or You May Be Certain You Will Be One Of The Very First Victims Of His Shrewdness.

Liberty, Like Chastity, Once Lost, Can Never Be Regained In Its Original Purity.

When You Do Laugh, Open Your Mouth Wide Enough For The Noise To Get Out Without Squealing, Throw Your Head Back As Though You Were Going To Be Shaved, Hold On To Your False Hair With Both Hands And Then Laugh Till Your Soul Gets Thoroughly Rested.

It Is Much Easier To Repent Of Sins That We Have Committed Than To Repent Of Those That We Intend To Commit.

Old Maids Sweeten Their Tea With Scandal.

Titles Are Valuable; They Make Us Acquainted With Many Persons Who Otherwise Would Be Lost Among The Rubbish.

As Long As We Are Lucky We Attribute It To Our Smartness; Our Bad Luck We Give The Gods Credit For.

The Best Time For You To Hold Your Tongue Is The Time You Feel You Must Say Something Or Bust.

The Less We Know The More We Suspect

Common Sense Is The Knack Of Seeing Things As They Are, And Doing Things As They Ought To Be Done.

...but Why Discourse Upon The Virtues Of The Horse? They Are Too Numerous To Tell Save When You Have A Horse To Sell.

The Devil Is The Father Of Lies, But He Neglected To Patent The Idea, And The Business Now Suffers From Competition.

Laughter Is The Sensation Of Feeling Good All Over And Showing It Principally In One Place.

Reason Often Makes Mistakes, But Conscience Never Does.

Stupidity,--unconscious Ignorance.

Men Of Genius Are Like Eagles, They Live On What They Kill, While Men Of Talents Are Like Crows, They Live On What Has Been Killed For Them.

Hunting After Happiness Is Like Hunting After A Lost Sheep In The Wilderness--when You Find It, The Chances Are That It Is A Skeleton.

Every Man Should Know Something Of Law; If He Knows Enough To Keep Out Of It, He Is A Pretty Good Lawyer.

The Trouble With Most Folks Isn't Their Ignorance. It's Knowin' So Many Things That Ain't So.

It Is True That Wealth Won't Make A Man Virtuous, But I Notice There Ain't Anybody Who Wants To Be Poor Just For The Purpose Of Being Good.

Method Is The Arithmetic Of Success.

Metaphysics Is The Science Of Proving What We Don't Understand.

If Mankind Were Only Just What They Pretend To Be, The Problem Of The Millennium Would Be Immediately Solved.

A Slander Is Like A Hornet; If You Cannot Kill It Dead At The First Blow, Better Not To Strike At It.

Morally Considered, Laughter Is Next To The Ten Commandments.

Ten Commandments

Pity Cost Nothing And Ain't Worth Nothing.

Wise Men Have But Few Confidants, And Cunning Ones None.

A Secret Ceases To Be A Secret If It Is Once Confided - It Is Like A Dollar Bill, Once Broken, It Is Never A Dollar Again.

Experience Is A School Where A Man Learns What A Big Fool He Has Been.

Honesty Is The Rarest Wealth Anyone Can Possess.

Genius Ain't Anything More Than Elegant Common Sense.

Early Genius, Like Early Cabbage, Does Not Head Well.

The Time To Pray Is Not When We Are In A Tight Spot But Just As Soon As We Get Out Of It.

Suicide Is Cheating The Doctor Out Of Job.

About The Most Originality That Any Writer Can Hope To Achieve Honestly Is To Steal With Good Judgment.

The Miser And The Glutton Are Two Facetious Buzzards: One Hides His Store, And The Other Stores His Hide.

It Is Easier To Be Virtuous Than It Is To Appear So, And It Pays Better.

Pyrotechnically Considered, [laughing] Is The Fire-works Of The Soul.

Love Is Like The Measles; We Can't Have It Bad But Once, And The Later In Life We Have It The Tougher It Goes With Us.

Fuss Is Half-sister To Hurry, And Neither Of Them Can Do Anything Without Getting In Their Own Way.

Better Make A Weak Man Your Enemy Than Your Friend.

Men Who Have Much To Say Use The Fewest Words.

The Easiest Thing For Our Friends To Discover In Us, And The Hardest Thing For Us To Discover In Ourselves, Is That We Are Growing Old.

Every Man Has His Follies - And Often They Are The Most Interesting Thing He Has Got.

Peace Is The Soft And Holy Shadow That Virtue Casts.

Wisdom Has Never Made A Bigot, But Learning Has.

Take All The Fools Out Of This World And There Wouldn't Be Any Fun Living In It, Or Profit.

The Greatest Thief This World Has Ever Produced Is Procrastination, And He Is Still At Large.

Contentment Is A Kind Of Moral Laziness; If There Wasn't Anything But Contentment In His World, Man Wouldn't Be Any More Of A Success Than An Angleworm Is

One Legged Chickens, I Know, Are The Least Apt To Scratch A Garden.

The Highest Philosophers, In Explaining The Mystery Of This World, Are Obliged To Call In The Aid Of Another.

Music Wasn't Made To Make Us Wise, But Better Natured.

Pride Seems Tew Be Quite Equally Distributed; The Man Who Owns The Carriage And The Man Who Drives It Seem Tew Have It Just Alike.

If You Would Make Yourself Agreeable Wherever You Go, Listen To The Grievances Of Others But Never Relate Your Own.

Show Me A Thoroughly Contented Person, And I Will Show You A Useless One.

Time Is Like Money, The Less We Have Of It To Spare The Further We Make It Go.

Building Air Castles Is A Harmless Business As Long As You Don't Attempt To Live In Them.

Young Widows Still Bide Their Time.

It Is Easy To Assume A Habit; But When You Try To Cast It Off, It Will Take Skin And All.

The Man Who Has Never Been Tempted Doesn't Know How Dishonest He Is.

I Do Not Know Of A Better Cure For Sorrow Than To Pity Somebody Else.

The Nearest We Can Come To) Perfect Happiness Is To Cheat Ourselves With The Belief That We Have Got It.

Vanity Is A Strange Passion; Rather Than Be Out Of A Job It Will Brag Of Its Vices.

Taking From Others Never Results In Prosperity. If We Steal From Others, Life Will Steal From Us. There Is An Incredible Abundance On This Planet. True Prosperity Begins With Feeling Good About Yourself And About The Choices You Make. Life Is Here For Us. Life Is Here To Support Us In Every Way. We Give Out, We Get Back. Honesty Is The Rarest Wealth Anyone Can Possess, And Yet All The Honesty In The World Ain't Lawful Tender For A Loaf Of Bread.

The Fools In This World Make About As Much Trouble As The Wicked Do.

There's One Good Thing About Tight Shoes; They Make You Forget Your Other Troubles.

Men Mourn For What They Have Lost; Women For What They Ain't Got.

Where Religion Is A Trade, Morality Is A Merchandise.

A Man Cannot Learn To Be Wise Any More Than He Can Learn To Be Handsome.

Advice Can Be Like Cod Liver Oil, Easy Enough To Administer But Not So Pleasant To Take For Anybody.

Genuine Laughing Is The Vent Of The Soul, The Nostrils Of The Heart, And Just As Necessary For Health And Happiness As Spring Water Is For A Trout.

There Is Gravity In Wisdom, But No Particular Wisdom In Gravity.

Waves Are Inspiring Not Because They Rise And Fail, But Because Each Time They Fall. They Never Fail To Rise Again.

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