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Why Not Have Your First Baby At Sixty, When Your Husband Is Already Dead And Your Career Is Over? Then You Can Really Devote Yourself To It.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Why Not Have Your

Fran Lebowitz
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Why Not Have Your First Baby At Sixty, When Your Husband Is Already Dead And Your Career Is Over? Then You Can Really Devote Yourself To It.

Understanding the Quote: "why not have your first baby at sixty, when your husband is..."

This quote by Fran Lebowitz reflects deeply on the theme of baby. It connects to the universal human journey of purpose, motivation, and reflection. Often categorized under Baby, Husband, Careers, the quote offers insight, emotional clarity, and intellectual inspiration to readers worldwide.

Whether you’re a student exploring new ideas, a leader trying to motivate your team, or someone seeking direction in life — this quote provides value. It resonates because it’s more than words — it’s a bridge between experience and wisdom. It shows how Fran Lebowitz interprets life's core challenges and triumphs.

Lessons From the Quote

This quote teaches resilience and focus. It reminds readers that no matter where they stand in life, reflection and self-awareness lead to growth. Each word has meaning, and when studied, it becomes clear how impactful thoughtful language can be.

About Fran Lebowitz

Fran Lebowitz is celebrated for insightful thoughts on baby and husband. Their legacy lives on through writings that guide, comfort, and inspire. Discover more on their profile page.

Actionable Takeaways

  • Reflect on how this quote applies to your current life path.
  • Share the message with someone who needs inspiration.
  • Write your thoughts on this quote in a journal or blog post.
  • Use it as a daily affirmation or reminder.

Closing Thoughts

Quotes like this endure because they capture universal truths. They comfort us in solitude and empower us in groups. Carry this quote forward — live by its wisdom, share its message, and keep its essence alive.

Views: 45038
Topic
Baby
Husband
Careers
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Presently It Appears That People Are Mainly Concerned With Being Well Rested. Those Capable Of Uninterrupted Sleep Are Much Admired. Unconsciousness Is In Great Demand. This Is The Day Of The Milligram.
Sleep
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A Great Many People In Los Angeles Are On Special Diets That Restrict Their Intake Of Synthetic Foods. The Reason For This Appears To Be A Widely Held Belief That Organically Grown Fruits And Vegetables Make The Cocaine Work Faster.
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Romantic Love Is Mental Illness. But It's A Pleasurable One. It's A Drug. It Distorts Reality, And That's The Point Of It. It Would Be Impossible To Fall In Love With Someone That You Really Saw.
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I Have A Hard Time Writing. Most Writers Have A Hard Time Writing. I Have A Harder Time Than Most Because I'm Lazier Than Most. [...] The Other Problem I Have Is Fear Of Writing. The Act Of Writing Puts You In Confrontation With Yourself, Which Is Why I Think Writers Assiduously Avoid Writing. [...] Not Writing Is More Of A Psychological Problem Than A Writing Problem. All The Time I'm Not Writing I Feel Like A Criminal. [...] It's Horrible To Feel Felonious Every Second Of The Day. Especially When It Goes On For Years. It's Much More Relaxing Actually To Work.
Writing
Hard Times
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That I Am Totally Devoid Of Sympathy For, Or Interest In, The World Of Groups Is Directly Attributable To The Fact That My Two Greatest Needs And Desires - Smoking Cigarettes And Plotting Revenge - Are Basically Solitary Pursuits.
Revenge
Being Alone
Two
People Have Been Cooking And Eating For Thousands Of Years, So If You Are The Very First To Have Thought Of Adding Fresh Lime Juice To Scalloped Potatoes Try To Understand That There Must Be A Reason For This.
Food
Years
People
Do Not Have Your Child's Hair Cut By A Real Hairdresser In A Real Hairdressing Salon. He Is, At This Point, Far Too Short To Be Exposed To Contempt.
Children
Real
Cutting
I Used To Buy All My Shirts At Brooks Brothers, But That Was Completely Ruined About 20 Years Ago. They Discontinued The Shirt I Liked. If I Had Only Known This - I Mean, If You're Going To Discontinue An Item That Thousands And Thousands Of People Buy, Announce It. Say, 'we Will No Longer Be Making Our Excellent Brooks Brothers Cotton Shirts That We Made For 5,000 Years. We're Going To Change Them In Some Awful Way. We're Alerting You So You Can Buy A Lifetime Supply.' Shirts Don't Go Bad, They're Not Peaches.
Brother
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People Who Are Well-known, Famous People, I Think, Make Very Poor Characters For Fiction. They Make Good Characters For Gossip Columns. But Not For Fiction.
Character
Thinking
People
To Me The Biggest Waste Of Time Is Commuting. First, There Is No Place That Is Less Than A Two-hour Commute From New York. You Can Be Half A Mile Outside Of The City Limits; You're Two Hours Away By Car. I Don't Care How Close They Tell You It Is. "oh, It's Only Thirty Miles." Thirty Miles? At 8:30 In The Morning, Thirty Miles Outside New York, You Might As Well Be Starting Out In Omaha.
Morning
New York
Cities
Cheese That Is Required By Law To Append The Word Food To Its Title Does Not Go Well With Red Wine Or Fruit.
Food
Wine
Law
I Believe In Talent. I Know You're Not Supposed To Believe In That Anymore Because You're Supposed To Believe If You Just Work Hard You Can Do Anything. That's How You Succeed, Maybe. But Talent Is Something You're Born With. You Cannot Acquire It By Working Hard, And You Cannot Lose It By Lying Around Either.
Lying
Believe
Hard Work
The First Step In Having Any Successful War Is Getting People To Fight It.
War
Fighting
Successful
If, While Watching The Sun Set On A Used-car Lot In Los Angeles, You Are Struck By The Parallels Between This Image And The Inevitable Fate Of Humanity, Do Not, Under Any Circumstances, Write It Down.
Writing
Fate
Car
Do Not Approach With Anything Even Resembling Assurance A Restaurant That Moves.
Moving
Restaurants
Assurance
When I Fly, I'm Never Afraid The Plane Is Going To Crash. But There Have Often Been Times When I Was Afraid It Wouldn't Crash. I Was Just Afraid It Was Going To Circle O'hare For The Rest Of My Life.
Circles
Modern Life
Crash
You Sit Or Stand In The Subway, And You Look Around - I Do, Because I Don't Have A Phone So I'm Not Playing A Game - And You See People.
Phones
Games
People
I Am Not Personally A Parent. But I Do Have Two Godchildren And Am Expecting A Third. I Am Naturally Concerned For Their Future. If I Ruled The World You Could Bet Your Boots That None Of Them Would Ever Set Their Eyes On Any Such Contraptions As Digital Clocks And Pocket Calculators. But Alas, I Do Not Rule The World And That, I Am Afraid, Is The Story Of My Life - Always A Godmother, Never A God.
Eye
Two
Parent
Civilised Adults Do Not Take Apple Juice With Dinner.
Food
Apples
Adults
For The Movie Review Columns, I Always Knew Exactly What I Was Going To Write About - The Movies.
Writing
Columns
Reviews
To Me, The Main Difference Between Young People Now And The People I Was Young With Isn't So Much Style, It's The Relationships They Have With Their Parents. Their Parents Like Them Much More Than Ours Liked Us. Our Parents Weren't Our Friends. But Now I See My Friends On The Phones With Their, What, 30 - Year - Old Kids? And They're Talking About Feelings.
Kids
People
Parent
I Had To Go On Tv With The President Of The Catholic League, Which Is Not An Official Organization At All, Just A Lot Of Catholics, Or Maybe It's Just This Guy. He Demanded To De-fund Art Completely And Argued That Taxpayers Should Not Pay For It. I Said People Who Represent The Catholic Church Shouldn't Talk About Taxes.
Art
Organization
People
White Grapes Are Very Attractive But When It Comes To Dessert People Generally Like Cake With Icing.
Food
Cake
White
Being Offended Is A Natural Consequence Of Leaving The House.
History
House
Leaving
The French Probably Invented The Very Notion Of Discretion. It's Not That They Feel That What You Don't Know Won't Hurt You; They Feel That What You Don't Know Won't Hurt Them. To The French Lying Is Simply Talking.
Hurt
Lying
Talking
It Is, In Fact, Safe To Assume That, More Often Than Not, Life Imitates Craft, For Who Among Us Can Say That Our Experience Does Not More Closely Resemble A Macramé Plant Holder Than It Does A Painting By Seurat. When It Comes To Art, Life Is The Biggest Copycat In The Matter Of The Frame.
Art
Doe
Crafts
I Do Not Think Everyone Is Created Equal. In Fact, I Know They're Not. [the Constitution] Means That Everyone Should Have The Same Laws As Everyone Else. It Doesn't Mean That Everyone's As Smart Or As Cute Or As Lucky As Everyone Else.
Cute
Smart
Mean
Smoking Is, As Far As I Am Concerned, The Entire Point Of Being An Adult. Many People Find Smoking Objectionable. I Myself Find Many - Even More - Things Objectionable. I Do Not Like Aftershave Lotion, Adults Who Roller-skate, Children Who Speak French, Or Anyone Who Is Unduly Tan. I Do Not, However, Go Around Enacting Legislation And Putting Up Signs.
Children
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People
Romantic Love Is Mental Illness. But It's A Pleasurable One.
Funny Love
Best Love
Romantic Love
I Doubt There's Ever Been A True Thing Said On Fox. Maybe The Weather Report, Maybe Not.
Weather
Doubt
Foxes
I Am Alternately Very Gregarious - Very Sociable - And Then Very Solitary.
Gregarious
Solitary
Sociable
A Hobby Is, Of Course, An Abomination, As Are All Consuming Interests And Passions That Do Not Lead Directly To Large, Personal Gain.
Passion
Hobbies
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Not Writing Is Probably The Most Exhausting Profession I've Ever Encountered.
Writing
Profession
Exhausting
Will Power Is Not Telling Anybody You Quit Smoking.
Smoking
Quitting
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All Of Television's Appalling, But This Is Hardly A New Statement.
Television
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If You Live In New York And You Have A Guest Room, You Have Guests. So I Think It's Best Not To Have A Guest Room.
New York
Thinking
Guests
The Only Appropriate Response To The Question, 'can I Be Frank?' Is, 'yes, If I Can Be Barbara.
Honesty
Barbara
Frank
One Of The Biggest Changes In My Lifetime, Is The Phenomenon Of Men Wearing Shorts. Men Never Wore Shorts When I Was Young. This Is One Of The Worst Changes, By Far. It's Disgusting. To Have To Sit Next To Grown Men On The Subway In The Summer, And They're Wearing Shorts? They Look Ridiculous, Like Children, And I Can't Take Them Seriously. My Fashion Advice, Particularly To Men Wearing Shorts: Ask Yourself, 'could I Make A Living Modeling These Shorts?' If The Answer Is No, Then Change Your Clothes. Put On A Pair Of Pants.
Summer
Fashion
Children
I Believe In Talking Behind Peoples' Backs. That Way, They Hear It More Than Once.
Believe
Talking
Way
Think Before You Speak. Read Before You Think. This Will Give You Something To Think About That You Didn't Make Up Yourself - A Wise Move At Any Age, But Most Especially At Seventeen, When You Are In The Greatest Danger Of Coming To Annoying Conclusions.
Wise
Moving
Thinking
Romantic Love Is Mental Illness. But It's A Pleasurable One. It's A Drug. It Distorts Reality, And That's The Point Of It. It Would Be Impossible To Fall In Love With Someone That You Really Saw. The Second You Meet Someone That You're Going To Fall In Love With You Deliberately Become A Moron. You Do This In Order To Fall In Love, Because It Would Be Impossible To Fall In Love With Any Human Being If You Actually Saw Them For What They Are.
Broken Heart
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Tourism As A Number-one Industry Is A Terrible, Terrible Idea For Any City, Especially New York. If You Were Going To Turn A City, Which Is A Place Where People Live, Into A Tourist Attraction, You're Going To Have To Make It A Place That People Who Don't Live Here, Like. So I Object To Living In A Place For People Who Don't Live Here.
New York
Cities
Ideas
I Hate Academic Mysteries. As Soon As I Come Across The Word 'don' And It's Not Someone's First Name, I Close The Book.
Hate
Book
Names
If I Lived In Another Country, Like A Country That Was, Say, An Enemy Of The United States, I Would Be More Amused Than I Am.
Country
Enemy
United States
Knowingness Is Sexy. The Opposite Of Sexy Is Naivete.
Sexy
Women
Opposites
Those Who Use The Word 'lifestyle' Are Rarely In Possession Of Either.
Style
Use
Language
You Should Make It Hard On Yourself To Write So You’re Easier To Read.
Writing
Easier
Should
By The Time Everyone Catches Up With You, You're Bored.
Bored
I Drank My Lifetime Supply Of Alcohol And I Took My Lifetime Supply Of Drugs Between The Ages Of 15 And 19.
Alcohol
Drug
Age
A Salad Is Not A Meal, It Is A Style.
Style
Meals
Salad
Children Are The Most Desirable Opponents At Scrabble As They Are Both Easy To Beat And Fun To Cheat.
Funny
Cheating
Children
I Love Being In Love. I Don't Think Anything Compares With It, Though I Consider It Very Disruptive.
Women
Being In Love
Love Is
Communists All Seem To Wear Small Caps, A Look I Consider Better Suited To Tubes Of Toothpaste Than To People.
People
Looks
Communist
Japanese Food Is Very Pretty And Undoubtedly A Suitable Cuisine In Japan, Which Is Largely Populated By People Of Below Average Size. Hostesses Hell-bent On Serving Such Food To Occidentals Would Be Well Advised To Supplement It With Something More Substantial And To Keep In Mind That Almost Everybody Likes French Fries.
Food
Japan
Average
There Are Too Many Books. The Books Are Terrible. And This Is Because You Have Been Taught To Have Self-esteem.
Self Esteem
Book
Taught
Radio News Is Bearable. This Is Due To The Fact That While The News Is Being Broadcast, The Disk Jockey Is Not Allowed To Talk.
Funny
Sarcastic
Humor
There Are Certain Relationships I Think I'm Great At: I'm The World's Greatest Daughter. I'm A Great Relative. I Believe I'm A Great Friend.
Daughter
Believe
Thinking
The 3 Questions Of Greatest Concern Are:, 1) Is It Attractive?, 2) Is It Amusing?, 3) Does It Know Its Place?
Doe
Amusing
Attractive
Your Grandparents Did Not Endure The Indignities Of A Steerage Journey To Ellis Island So That You Could Stand Outside A Discothèque And Beg A Wallpaper Designer To Take You In With Him.
Journey
Islands
Grandparent
Smoking Is The Great Romance Of My Lifetime. If I Could Find Someone I Wanted Forty-five Times A Day, Perhaps I Could Stop.
Smoking
Romance
Lifetime
Great People Talk About Ideas, Average People Talk About Things, And Small People Talk About Wine.
Wine
Average
Ideas
If People Had Gavels, There Would Be No Wars. If Every Person In The World Had A Gavel And Could Bang It And Get Everyone's Attention Right Away And Make Their Displeasure Known, I Believe The Level Of Actual Violence In The World Would Just Disappear To Practically Nothing.
War
Believe
People
Perhaps One Of The More Noteworthy Trends Of Our Time Is The Occupation Of Buildings Accompanied By The Taking Of Hostages. The Perpetrators Of These Deeds Are Generally Motivated By Political Grievance, Social Injustice, And The Deeply Felt Desire To See How They Look On Tv.
Political
Desire
Deeds
It's Very Disheartening To Encounter A Fearful Twenty-one Year Old. They Haven't Earned The Right To Be That Afraid. It's Not Like We're Living In War-torn Bosnia Or Something.
War
Years
Twenties
How Do You Know If Your Child Is A Writer? Your Obstetrician Holds His Stethoscope To Your Abdomen And Only Hears Excuses.
Children
Abdomen
Excuse
I Have A Double Policy, Which Would Also Solve Immigration: I Would Stand At The Border Of New York City And I Would Say, "you Can Come Here To Live, But You Can't Come Here To Visit."
New York
Cities
Immigration
The Great Thing About New Jersey Is That It's Close To New York.
New York
Jersey
Great Things
Never Relinquish Clothing To A Hotel Valet Without First Specifically Telling Him That You Want It Back.
Literature
Want
Firsts
Polite Conversation Is Rarely Either.
Inspirational
Funny
Witty
Tolerance Is Really A Better Thing Than Understanding. Because It Doesn't Agitate Against Human Nature.
Understanding
Tolerance
Human Nature
Remember This: No Matter How Politely Or Distinctly You Ask A Parisian A Question He Will Persist In Answering You In French.
Paris
Matter
Remember
Scientists - The Crowd That For Dash And Style Make The General Public Look Like The Bloomsbury Set.
Style
Looks
Literature
Don't Bother Discussing Sex With Small Children. They Rarely Have Anything To Add.
Sex
Children
Humorous
Democracy Is An Interesting, Even Laudable, Notion And There Is No Question But That When Compared To Communism, Which Is Too Dull, Or Fascism, Which Is Too Exciting, It Emerges As The Most Palatable Form Of Government.
Government
Interesting
Democracy
If You're Going To America, Bring Your Own Food.
Travel
Women
Food
...i Believed Passionately That Communists Were A Race Of Horned Men Who Divided Their Time Equally Between The Burning Of Nancy Drew Books And The Devising Of A Plan Of Nuclear Attack That Would Land The Largest And Most Lethal Bomb Squarely Upon The Third-grade Class Of Thomas Jefferson School In Morristown, New Jersey.
War
Book
School
Luckily When You Drive A Cab There Are Two Things: You Don't Have A Boss In The Cab With You, And You Are Not Facing The People That You Are Making Money From.
Two
People
Boss
I Never Had A Typewriter. I Never Had Any Machines.
Typewriters
Machines
I Place A High Moral Value On The Way People Behave. I Find It Repellent To Have A Lot, And To Behave With Anything Other Than Courtesy In The Old Sense Of The Word - Politeness Of The Heart, A Gentleness Of The Spirit.
Heart
People
House
When We Were Young, We Knew Things. We Knew Basic History, Even As It Related To Fashion. Now, When Something Reappears, An 18 Year Old Has No Clue That It's A Revival. Despite The Fact That They're Almost Always Online They Don't Get References. I Think That's Part Of Why Visual Things Are Becoming So Derivative.
Fashion
Thinking
Clue
Anti-smoking Sentiment Has Replaced Middle-class Morality Entirely. The Smoker Has Taken The Place Of The Homosexual. Today You Hear People Say Things About Smokers That Used To Be Said About Homosexuals - They Pollute The Environment; You Don't Want Them Around Your Children.
Children
Taken
Class
Because Of The Internet Everybody Sees The Same Stuff. You Can Buy The Clothes Of New York, Even If You're Not Living There. So I Think That The Accessibility, In This Case, Drives Buying Choices More Than Anything Else.
Thinking
Choices
Internet
To Me, O'hara Is The Real Fitzgerald.
Real
London: A Place You Go To Get Bronchitis.
Cities
Places You Go
London
I've Always Been Old At Heart.
Heart
You're Only As Good As Your Last Haircut.
Funny
Witty
Humorous
Ever Since I Was A Little Child, I Refused To See Movies Of Books That I Loved. Because You Already Know What Heidi Looks Like And She Doesn't Look Like Shirley Temple.
Children
Book
Looks
The Main Symptom Of Falling In Love Is That You Lose Your Intellectual Prowess.
Falling In Love
Sex
Love Is
My Other Hobby, Because I Just Love Any Job With A Gavel, Is Auctioneer. And I So Often Have Presided Over Charity Auctions In New York That Many Years Ago Sotheby's Sent Me My Own Gavel. Now, The Sotheby's Gavel Is Infinitely More Elegant--it Came In A Little Velvet Bag, With "sotheby's" Inscribed In Gold. It Hangs In My Library. I Feel That Everyone Has Occasion To Use A Gavel At Various Times Everyday, They Just Don't Think Of It.
Jobs
New York
Thinking
We Are All Born With A Rut Radar. Mine Is Finely Wired, A Little Oversensitive Maybe. Perhaps Just A Bit Hyperactive. Twenty Steady Boyfriends Before Turning 16, A New Best Friend 12 Times A Year, Switched College Majors Every Time I Met Someone Who Seemed Exactly Like The Sort Of Person I Really, Really Wanted To Be. I'm Not Fickle. I'm Just Never There Yet.
College
Years
Twenties
If You Read A Lot, Nothing Is As Great As You've Imagined. Venice Is - Venice Is Better.
Venice
Ifs
Money...buys Privacy, Silence. The Less Money You Have, The Noisier It Is; The Thinner Your Walls, The Closer Your Neighbors.... The First Thing You Notice When You Step Into The House Or Apartment Of A Rich Person Is How Quiet It Is.
Wall
Silence
House
People Care More About Trends Now Than They Do About Style. They Get So Wrapped Up In What's Happening That They Forget How To Dress, And They Never Learn Who They Are Because They Never Learn How To Take Care Of Anything.
People
Style
Care
The Conversational Overachiever Is Someone Whose Grasp Exceeds His Reach. This Is Possible But Not Attractive.
Talking
Literature
Attractive
I Don't Care If New York Avoided Bankruptcy By Substituting Tourism For The Garment Business.
New York
Tourism
Care
I Love Sleep Because It Is Both Pleasant And Safe To Use.
Sleep
Use
Safe
I Just Can't Smile At People For Money.
People
No Animal Should Ever Jump Up On The Dining-room Furniture Unless Absolutely Certain That He Can Hold His Own In The Conversation.
Dog
Animal
Pet
I Must Take Issue With The Term 'a Mere Child,' For It Has Been My Invariable Experience That The Company Of A Mere Child Is Infinitely Preferable To That Of A Mere Adult.
Inspirational
Children
Issues
Whenever Someone Accuses Someone Of Being A Racist - Which Is Rare, You Have To Admit, Considering How Much Racism There Is - There Is An Incredible Outrage. I Realized That We Live In An Environment That It Seems To Be Worse To Call Someone A Racist Than To Be One.
Racism
Racist
Environment
Vegetables Are Interesting But Lack A Sense Of Purpose When Unaccompanied By A Good Cut Of Meat.
Food
Cutting
Vegetables
No One's Supposed To Be The President. This Is Not England. And It's Not Just The Bush Family, All Families Designate Each Child As Having Some Particular Trait.
Children
President
England
Humility Is No Substitute For A Good Personality.
Inspirational
Humility
Personality
Life Is Something To Do When You Can't Get To Sleep.
Funny
Life
Happiness
Food Is Definitely Important Part Of Your Balanced Diet.
Important
Balanced
Balanced Diet
Writers Get Exactly The Right Amount Of Fame: Just Enough To Get A Good Table In A Restaurant But Not Enough So That People Are Constantly Interrupting You While You're Eating Dinner.
People
Tables
Dinner
The Effect Of Aids Was Like A War In A Minute Country. Like, In World War I, A Whole Generation Of Englishmen Died All At Once. And With Aids, A Whole Generation Of Gay Men Died Practically All At Once, Within A Couple Of Years.
Country
Couple
War
All Style Is Personal - That's What Distinguishes It From Fashion.
Fashion
Style
Success Didn't Spoil Me, I've Always Been Insufferable.
Inspirational
Life
Motivational
What Do They Do In These [private] Clubs, Anyway? Sit Around Saying Things Like 'thank God I'm Here. No Jews! What Fun! This Is Living, Huh? Look! No Jews! I Don't Know When I've Had A Better Time. And No Women! Just Men! And No Blacks! Just Whites! White Men! White Men Who Are Not Jewish! It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This.' To Some People, Apparently, This Is A Perfect Description Of Injustice. To Me, This Is A Perfect Description Of A Gay Bar In Iceland.
Fun
Gay
Men
When I Started Publishing, I Got Offers To Write For Big Magazines. But I Would Always Say, "well, It's Not That I Don't Want To Write For These Big Magazines, But You Can't Edit It."
Writing
Magazines
Want
Spilling Your Guts Is Just Exactly As Charming As It Sounds.
Sound
Catchy
Charming
You Can't Go Around Hoping That Most People Have Sterling Moral Characters. The Most You Can Hope For Is That People Will Pretend That They Do.
Character
People
Literature
Should Novels Generally Be 600 Pages? No, They Should Not. Half Of Writing, Maybe 3/4 Of Writing, Is Editing. This Seems To Be A Thing That Has Not Gotten Through To Them. It's My Impression That You Could Get Rid Of Half Of Most Of These Books. These People Are Not Good Enough To Be This Long, But They're Apparently Also Not Good Enough To Be Shorter.
Book
Writing
Editing
In New York We Have Zillions Of Different Kinds Of People, Many Of Them Hate Each Other, But Violence Based On That Hatred Is Really Uncommon Here.
New York
Hate
People
Commercials And Sometimes Other Guests - It's The Down Side Of Tv. Other People - It's The Downside Of Life In General.
People
Guests
Sides
Life Was Certainly More Entertaining When People Were Indulging Their Vices As Opposed To Going To Meetings To Indulge In A New Vice: Discussing Their Innermost Thoughts In Public.
Indulge In
People
Vices
The Other Day I Read That Last Year 58 Million Tourists Came To New York ... Where A Puny Eight Million People Are Trying To Live. Unless They Own A Hotel Chain, I Don't Think A Single One Of These Eight Million People Are Happy About This.
New York
Thinking
Eight
Take Away A Man's Actual Sense Of Manhood - Which Is Conventionally Based On The Ability To Work, To Earn Money, To Be Self-sufficient, To Provide For Children - And You've Got To Give Them Something Else. And They Did.
Children
Men
Self
Food Is An Important Part Of A Balanced Diet.
Funny
Life
Witty
I Write A Sentence A Thousand Times, Changing It All The Time To Look At It In Different Ways.
Writing
Different
Looks
[on Parenthood:] You Can't Change Your Mind--you Know, And Say, This Isn't Working Out, Let's Sell.
Work Out
Mind
Parenthood
I Walk A Lot In New York, Not For The Exercise But To Get From Place To Place, And Because It's The Way Of Having The Least Contact With Human Beings.
New York
Exercise
Way
I'm Not A Nervous Person. I'm Not Afraid To Be On Tv. I'm Only Afraid When I Write. When I'm At My Desk I Feel Like Most People Would Feel If They Went On Tv.
Writing
People
Tvs
Nothing Lasts. So It's My Belief, Yes, I Know A Lot Of The Things That We Liked Didn't Last, But Maybe Things We Don't Like, They're Also Not Going To Last. There Has Been Progress In My Lifetime. There Are Certainly Things That Are Better Than When I Was Young, And There Are Things That Are Worse. New York City, It's Worse. There's No Question.
New York
Cities
Progress
It Is Not True That There Is Dignity In All Work. Some Jobs Are Definitely Better Than Others.... People Who Have Good Jobs Are Happy, Rich, And Well Dressed. People Who Have Bad Jobs Are Unhappy, Poor And Use Meat Extenders. Those Who Seek Dignity In The Type Of Work That Compels Them To Help Hamburgers Are Certain To Be Disappointed.
Jobs
People
Unhappy
Bread That Must Be Sliced With An Axe Is Bread That Is Too Nourishing.
Funny
Food
Cooking
Writing Pornography Is Deadly, Nothing Duller. I Mean A Toll-taker Has A More Exciting Life Than A Pornographer.
Writing
Mean
Tolls
Should You Be A Teenager Blessed With Uncommon Good Looks, Document This State Of Affairs By The Taking Of Photographs. It Is The Only Way Anyone Will Ever Believe You In Years To Come.
Teenager
Believe
Blessed
Television Turned Out To Be Exactly As Bad As The Most Irritating And Pedantic Intellectuals Of The '50s Said It Was Going To Be.
Television
Said
Pedantic
Los Angeles Is A Large City-like Area Surrounding The Beverly Hills Hotel.
Cities
Beverly Hills
Los Angeles
When You Leave New York, You Are Astonished At How Clean The Rest Of The World Is. Clean Is Not Enough.
Funny
Travel
New York
I Wouldn't Say That I Dislike The Young. I'm Simply Not A Fan Of Naïveté.
Fans
Vets
Young
Even When America Is Not Working That Well, It Still Works Better Than Other Places.
America
Wells
Stills
I Stopped Taking Drugs When I Was 19, And Who Wants To Drive A Cab Around New York With Drugs In Their Car?
New York
Car
Drug
I Am Not... Totally Unreceptive To Colour Providing It Makes Its Appearance Quietly, Deferentially, And Without Undue Fanfare.
Fashion
Appearance
Colour
[on Not Reading Newspapers:] If Something Important Happens, Your Mother Calls You.
Mother
Reading
Important
American Women Think That Clothes Fit Them If They Can Fit Into Them. But That's Not At All What Fit Means.
Mean
Thinking
Clothes
New York's Not Exactly Antiseptic. It Could Be Clean And Less Dangerous, And Not Horrible, Not Under A Tidal Wave Of Tourists.
New York
Tourists
Wave
Modern Science Was Largely Conceived Of As An Answer To The Servant Problem And ... It Is Generally Practiced By Those Who Lack A Flair For Conversation.
Science
Answers
Problem
Not Writing Is Probably The Most Exhausting Profession I've Ever Encountered. It Takes It Out Of You. It's Very Psychically Wearing Not To Write - I Mean If You're Supposed To Be Writing.
Writing
Mean
Profession
Maybe It's Superficial To Exude A Sense Of Confidence In One's Clothes. But It's Also Integral. We Have An Appearance. Not All Of Us Are Beautiful. But We Can Appear Fine Looking. So We Should. Feeling Good About An Outfit Is The Point At Which That Outfit Finally Becomes Good.
Beautiful
Feel Good
Feelings
Without These Tourists, New York Would Be Fantastic. I Don't Want Them To Come. Stay Home!
New York
Home
Tourists
I'm Like The Laziest Person Who Ever Lived. It's Amazing To Me I Even Sit Up.
Laziness
Persons
Smoking Is, As Far As I'm Concerned, The Entire Point Of Being An Adult.
Maturity
Smoking
Adults
There Are Two Modes Of Transport In Los Angeles: Car And Ambulance. Visitors Who Wish To Remain Inconspicuous Are Advised To Choose The Latter
Two
Car
Wish
I Have The Exact Opposite Problem Of Every Writer I've Ever Met: Every Writer I've Ever Met Writes Things That Are Too Long, And They Have To Edit Them Down.
Writing
Opposites
Long
Forcing People Into A Situation Where They're Supposed To Adore Each Other Is Probably Bad. But Letting People Get On And Off The 6 Train Without Stabbing Each Other, That's Good.
People
Stabbing
Adore
Original Thought Is Like Original Sin: Both Happened Before You Were Born To People You Could Not Have Possibly Met.
Women
People
Original Thought
Communism Requires Of Its Adherents That They Arise Early And Participate In A Strenuous Round Of Calisthenics. To Someone Who Wishes That Cigarettes Came Already Lit The Thought Of Such Exertion At An Hour When Decent People Are Just Nodding Off Is Thoroughly Abhorrent.
People
Wish
Abhorrent
When I Saw A Phone On A Plane For The First Time, I Panicked ... I Thought People Were Going To Call Me.
Phones
People
Saws
Children Are Rarely In The Position To Lend One A Truly Interesting Sum Of Money. There Are, However, Exceptions, And Such Children Are An Excellent Addition To Any Party.
Children
Party
Interesting
New York City Is Filled With The Same Kind Of People I Left New Jersey To Get Away From.
New York
Cities
People
If Food Did Not Exist It Would Be Well-nigh Impossible To Get Certain Types Off The Phone, As One Would Be Unable To Say, 'look, I've Got To Run But Let's Have Dinner Sometime Soon.'
Running
Phones
Dinner
Being Poor Is Like Being A Child. Being Rich Is Like Being An Adult: You Get To Do Whatever You Want. Everyone Is Nice When They Have To Be; Rich People Are Nice When They Feel Like It.
Children
Nice
People
Generally Speaking, The Poorer Person Summers Where He Winters.
Summer
Winter
Persons
I Always Liked People Who Are Older. Of Course, Every Year It Gets Harder To Find Them.
Years
People
Age
People Elect The President For Reasons That Have Nothing To Do With His Ability To Be President.
People
President
Reason
When I Was A Kid, The People Of My Generation Didn't Want To Be Writers, They Wanted To Be Rock Stars. Rock And Roll Was Not Just Entertainment, It Was The Center Of People's Lives. When I Was Young, It Was Exciting And Interesting.
Stars
Kids
Rocks
When I Was Very Little, Say Five Or Six, I Became Aware Of The Fact That People Wrote Books. Before That, I Thought That God Wrote Books. I Thought A Book Was A Manifestation Of Nature, Like A Tree.
Book
People
Tree
If You Don't Have Children And You Don't Have A Job, You Have Time For Friendship ... People Who Have Jobs Are Not The Best Friends To Have. It's Better To Be Friends With People Who Are Unemployed.
Friendship
Jobs
Children
I Prefer Dead Writers Because You Don't Run Into Them At Parties.
Running
Party
Women Who Insist Upon Having The Same Options As Men Would Do Well To Consider The Option Of Being The Strong, Silent Type
Strong
Equality
Men
To Me The Outdoors Is What You Must Pass Through In Order To Get From Your Apartment Into A Taxicab.
Order
Apartment
Any Child Who Cannot Do Long Division By Himself Does Not Deserve To Smoke.
Children
Long
Doe
I'm Such A Slow Writer I Have No Need For Anything As Fast As A Word Processor. I Don't Need Anything So Snappy. I Write So Slowly That I Could Write In My Own Blood Without Hurting Myself.
Hurt
Writing
Blood
The Good Thing About Being In Someone Else's Apartment Is It's So Much Easier To Leave Than It Is To Get Someone Out.
Good Things
Easier
Apartment
Girls Who Put Out Are Tramps. Girls Who Don't Are Ladies. This Is, However, A Rather Archaic Usage Of The Word. Should One Of You Boys Happen Upon A Girl Who Doesn't Put Out, Do Not Jump To The Conclusion That You Have Found A Lady. What You Have Probably Found Is A Lesbian.
Girl
Women
Gay
People (a Group That In My Opinion Has Always Attracted An Undue Amount Of Attention) Have Often Been Likened To Snowflakes. This Analogy Is Meant To Suggest That Each Is Unique - No Two Alike. This Is Quite Patently Not The Case. People, Even At The Current Rate Of Inflation - In Fact, People Especially At The Current Rate Of Inflation - Are Quite Simply A Dime A Dozen. And, I Hasten To Add, Their Only Similarity To Snowflakes Resides In Their Invariably And Lamentable Tendency To Turn, After A Few Warm Days, To Slush.
Unique
Two
People
Whenever I Am Doing Anything Else, Which Is Most Of The Time, Even If It Is Not Something Like Robbing A Bank, I Feel Felonious. Writing Is What I'm Supposed To Be Doing.
Writing
Robbing
Feels
If You Are A Dog And Your Owner Suggests That You Wear A Sweater Suggest That He Wear A Tail.
Dog
Silly
Animal
Until I Was About 7, I Thought Books Were Just There, Like Trees. When I Learned That People Actually Wrote Them, I Wanted To, Too, Because All Children Aspire To Inhuman Feats Like Flying. Most People Grow Up To Realize They Can't Fly. Writers Are People Who Don't Grow Up To Realize They Can't Be God.
Children
Growing Up
Book
I've Never Had The Experience Of Being Edited And Never Will.
Edited
Things That People Will Say To Me, Mostly, Is That You Shouldn't Have All These Books. It's Too Expensive.
Book
People
Expensive
No One I Knew Talked About Money. It's Not An Area Of Interest.
Interest
Areas
I Never Wanted To Have Any Extra Money, If It Meant Having To Have Any Extra Work.
Extra Work
Wanted
Extras
If You Can Stay In Love For More Than Two Years, You're On Something.
Love
Years
Two
I Never Would Start Writing Before Midnight And I Would Finish At, Like, Seven In The Morning.
Morning
Writing
Midnight
We Live In A Culture Where Everyone Is Perfectly Willing To Do This [to Make A Lot Of Money], And They're Just Looking For The Opportunity. Obviously, A Person Who Is Really Dumb Is Not Gonna Make A Zillion Dollars. But For A Person Who Is Really Smart, Really Smart, It's A Boring Pursuit. It's Not Endlessly Fascinating.
Smart
Opportunity
Dumb
What's The Point Of Being Young If You're Not Going To Make New Things, I Wonder?
Wonder
Young
New Things
Science Has Done Absolutely Nothing About Noise. The Worst Design Flaw In The Human Body Is That You Can't Close Your Ears. The Reason You Can't Close Your Ears Is, If A Lion Was Coming, You Had To Wake Up. Today No Lions Are Coming. Beeping Trucks Are Coming. I Read The Other Day That The Guy Who Invented The Beep When Trucks Go Backward, He Died. I Thought: Of Course - He Dies, I Have To Listen To It.
Design
Guy
Wake Up
Smoking Is, If Not My Life, Then At Least My Hobby. I Love To Smoke. Smoking Is Fun. Smoking Is Cool. Smoking Is, As Far As I Am Concerned, The Entire Point Of Being An Adult. It Makes Growing Up Genuinely Worthwhile. I Am Quite Well Aware Of The Hazards Of Smoking. Smoking Is Not A Healthful Pastime, It Is True. Smoking Is Indeed No Bracing Dip In The Ocean, No Strenuous Series Of Calisthenics, No Two Laps Around The Reservoir. On The Other Hand, Smoking Has To Its Advantage The Fact That Is A Quiet Pursuit. Smoking Is, In Effect A Dignified Sport.
Sports
Growing Up
Fun
I Wish That Real Estate Were Cheaper And Clothes Were More Expensive.
Real
Wish
Being A Woman Is Of Special Interest Only To Aspiring Male Transsexuals. To Actual Women, It Is Simply A Good Excuse Not To Play Football.
Football
Play
Special
Writers Have Problems Writing Sex Scenes, Because Writing One Really Well Is Pornography.
Sex
Writing
Problem
I Have A Real Aversion To Machines. I Write With A Pen. Then I Read It To Someone Who Writes It Onto The Computer. What Are Those Computer Letters Made Of Anyway? Light? Too Insubstantial. Paper, You Can Feel It. A Pen. There's A Connection. A Pen Goes Exactly At Your Speed, Whereas That Machine Jumps. And Then, That Machine Is Waiting For You, Just Humming "uh-huh, Yes?
Real
Writing
Light
[children Are] Like Talking Animals. Their Consciousness Is So Different From Ours That They Constitute A Different Species. They Don't Have To Be Particularly Interesting Children; Just The Fact That They Are Children Is Sufficient. They Don't Know What Anything Is, So They Have To Make It Up. No Matter How Dull They Are, They Still Have To Figure Things Out For Themselves.
Children
Animal
Talking
The Word Lady: Most Often Used To Describe Someone You Wouldn't Want To Talk To For Even Five Minutes.
Want
Used
Minutes
Inhabitants Of Underdeveloped Nations And Victims Of Natural Disasters Are The Only People Who Have Ever Been Happy To See Soybeans.
Vegetables
People
Soybeans
[friendships] Are Easy To Get Out Of Compared To Love Affairs, But They Are Not Easy To Get Out Of Compared To, Say, Jail.
Friendship
Jail
Affair
It Is Imperative When Flying Coach That You Restrain Any Tendency Toward The Vividly Imaginative. For Although It May Momentarily Appear To Be The Case, It Is Not At All Likely That The Cabin Is Entirely Inhabited By Crying Babies Smoking Inexpensive Domestic Cigars.
Baby
Smoking
Flying
I Have Friends, Some Of Whom Are Spectacularly Good Writers, Who Really Want Someone To Edit Them. I Don't Register That Impulse. It's Like The Impulse For Wanting A Dog.
Dog
Want
Impulse
Writing Is So Hard. Why Would You Be A Writer If You Weren't Really Good At It? If You Could Be Anything Else, Why Would You Be A Writer?
Writing
Hard
Ifs
Marriage Entitles Women To The Protection Of A Strong Man Who Will Steady The Stepladder While They Paint The Kitchen Ceiling.
Strong
Men
Kitchen
I, Unfortunately, Take The Subway A Lot. It's Not My Preference, But It Is My Lot In Life.
Subway
Preference
Now People Need Special Costumes To Ride Bicycles. I Mean, A Helmet, What, Are You An Astronaut??
Mean
People
Special
Do Not, On A Rainy Day, Ask Your Child What He Feels Like Doing, Because I Assure You That What He Feels Like Doing, You Won't Feel Like Watching.
Relationship
Children
Rain
All God's Children Are Not Beautiful. Most Of God's Children Are, In Fact, Barely Presentable.
Funny
Beauty
Beautiful
Even When Freshly Washed And Relieved Of All Obvious Confections, Children Tend To Be Sticky.
Mom
Baby
Children
For Someone Such As Myself, Who Is Kind Of Feckless And Immature, It's Better To Have Rich Friends Than To Be Rich Yourself, Because Then You Have Wealth Without The Responsibility. You Get To Go To Their Houses, And You Get Acquainted With A Level Of Furniture That You Cannot Provide For Yourself. Furniture, I Think Is The Most Important Attribute Of Rich People.
Friends
Responsibility
Thinking
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