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When You Act, You're Being Asked To Pretend In A Very Rigid, Controlled Environment. It's Very Un-childlike. So A Lot Of Times, When You Put Kids In That Situation, You Hope They Have A Better Support System Outside Of What They're Doing To Bring Them Back To Reality At The End Of The Day And To Keep Them Well-rounded.

-Patton Oswalt

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When You Act, You're

Patton Oswalt

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When You Act, You're Being Asked To Pretend In A Very Rigid, Controlled Environment. It's Very Un-childlike. So A Lot Of Times, When You Put Kids In That Situation, You Hope They Have A Better Support System Outside Of What They're Doing To Bring Them Back To Reality At The End Of The Day And To Keep Them Well-rounded.

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Support Systems

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I Would Always Rather Shoot For Something Unique And Fail Than Do A Script Because I Feel Like They're Hitting All The Right Mainstream Beats.

There's Something Kind Of Beautiful About That Pure Love Of Things. Like, "i'll Show That I Love The Thing I Love By Hating Everything Else."

I'm Going To Continue To Try To Strike A Balance, Because I Really, Really Do Love Doing Stand-up, And I Don't See Why It Should Affect The Acting. And Again, I'm Not Going, "i've Got To Become A Dramatic Actor Now." I Just Want More Interesting Jobs. I Just Want To Keep Doing Stuff That's Different.

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We Would Not Be Here If Humanity Were Inherently Evil. We'd Have Eaten Ourselves Alive Long Ago.

If You Play Comedic Scenes Like They're Really Serious, Then It's So Much More Funny Than If You're Going For A Laugh.

Stand-up Is Something I Just Truly Love To Do, So I'll Always Go Back To It. I'll Never Stop Doing It, That's For Sure.

Just Think Of Yourself As Starting From Zero Every Time. That's What I Do With Every New Role. I'm At Zero, And I'm Going To Do The Work.

Now We Live In This Dvd, Itunes, Hulu Age, And Show Creators And Networks Are Realizing That And Letting Shows Develop On Those Terms Rather Than 'we Gotta Just Punch It Week To Week, Man.' Now They're Like, 'what Will Happen If Someone Watches The Entire Show?'

I Love The Beginning Of Magnolia, The Thing About The Dealer. That Scene Is Genius. Brilliantly Acted.

Myspace Is Somehow More Welcoming Than Facebook. And Twittering, I Just... Ugh. I Like Having Radio Silence. I Think Radio Silence Is An Important Part Of Any Public Figure's Day. We Haven't Seen It Yet, But There's Going To Be A Generation That Comes Up Where The New Trend Will Be Complete Anonymity. It'll Be Cool To Have Never Posted Anything Online, Commented, Opened A Webpage Or A Myspace. I Think Everyone In The Future Is Going To Be Allowed To Be Obscure For 15 Minutes. You'll Have 15 Minutes Where No One Is Watching You, And Then You'll Be Shoved Back Onto Your Reality Show.

I Have A Very Tiny House In Burbank. I Drive An 8-year-old Car. I'm Gonna Drive It Into The Ground. I Enjoy What I Enjoy.

I Had A Romance Novel Inside Me, But I Paid Three Sailors To Beat It Out If Me With Steel Pipes.

Knock On Wood, My Groupies Tend To Be Very Artistic, Creative People - Sometimes Way More Creative Than I Am.

I Mean, All Alternative Comedy Is Are Comedians That Have Being Doing It For So Long, For So Long, That They Were Relaxed Enough To Start Becoming Personal On Stage.

I Grew Up In Such A Featureless, Personality-less Suburb. There Was Nothing To Push Against.

Growing Up There Are Always Those Kids Who Are Only Happy When They Are Making Someone Else Upset. That Is Unfortunately Just How Some People Are. And Their Parents Were Fine. Some People Are Just Born With Bad Wiring.

You Just Do As Many Shows As You Can To Hone What It Is You're Working On.

I Really Do Love Doing Stand-up, And I Don't See Why It Should Affect The Acting. And I Just Want More Interesting Jobs. I Just Want To Keep Doing Stuff That's Different, Rather Than Saying, "okay, I've Become Known For This, And I'll Just Do This From Now On." If I Feel Like I've Done This One Thing, I Never Want To Do It Again. I Want To Do Something Totally Different.

We Need Conservatives That Can Accept Gays, And Then We Need Hippies That Can Shave And Bathe.

You Know, In Los Angeles, You're Constantly In Your Car, You're Sealed Up, You're Not Walking Around. Whereas In New York, After A While, All Your Stuff Is Kind Of Public, In One Way Or The Other. I'm Not Saying Either One Of Those Is Bad; They're Both Great For A Very Specific Kind Of Comedian. And I'm Glad That They Both Exist.

I Have A Lot Of Friends Who Were Stand-ups, And They Just Stopped After A While, Because They Didn't Like That Battle, Or They Just Couldn't Do It. And Then They Would Get On A Sitcom And Get Visible And Get Back Into It, Because The Audience Was Just Way Easier On Them. But They Lost Those Crucial Years Of Learning To Turn Any Audience Into Your Audience.

I Like Confounding Expectations. I Can Expand What It Is I Am Able To Do, And Hopefully Get To Do More Weird, Interesting Projects Like This. There's Nothing Wrong With Doing Comedies, And I'm Not Against Comedies, Either, But I Always Want To Do Stuff That Keeps Me Off My Guard And Gets Me Out Of My Comfort Zone. And How The Audience Perceives That... It's Out Of My Hands. And I Don't Get That Frustrated By It, Because I'm On To The Next Thing At That Point.

It’s The Method Of Consumption, Not What’s On The Plate.

Every Audience Is Different, Even Within The Same Venue. You Have To Just Make Every Audience Your Audience; You Can't Pre-judge An Audience Based On The Size Of The Room Or The Type Of Room.

Even If It's Other People, Like On Myspace Pages, We're Just As Collective Of Enthusiasts Now. That Seems To Be The World We're In.

I'm Grateful That I Had That Uphill Battle For 10 Years Of Going Onstage And Having Nobody Know Who I Was, Because You Have To Win Them Over.

One Of My Groupies Gave Me A Film That They Made, And It Ended Up Being Amazing, So I Got It Shown At South By Southwest. If I Can Help Get Their Stuff Out There, Then Great.

Any Acting Job That I Ever Got, I Always Treated It Like I Was A Neophyte, I Didn't Know What I Was Doing And I Was Going To Work Just As Hard As I Do On My Stand-up.

I Fantasize And Idealize Myself As Bugs Bunny, But I Know Deep Down I'm Daffy Duck.

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Support Systems

Yeah, There Were A Few Years In The Early Nineties Where I Really Began To Hate What Was Valued As Funny And Just Sort Of What Was Valued In Stand-up, Period.

I'm Still Very Much An Atheist, Except That I Don't Necessarily See Religion As Being A Bad Thing. So, That's A Weird Thing That I'm Struggling With That Seems To Be Offending Both Atheists And People That Are Religious.

I Think Most Comedians Go Through That (period), Where You Have To Change Or Evolve. You Don't Want To Just Keep Doing Variations On The Same Themes. And, Besides, It Would Look Kinda Creepy For A Guy My Age To Be Doing Stuff That, Like, A 20-year-old Would Do. 'yeah, This Is Bullshit!' It's, Like, 'really? You Don't Have Bigger Concerns At This Point In Your Life?'

So When You Spot Violence, Or Bigotry, Or Intolerance Or Fear Or Just Garden-variety Misogyny, Hatred Or Ignorance, Just Look It In The Eye And Think, 'the Good Outnumber You, And We Always Will.'

There's No Destination. There's No Getting Anywhere. There's Just The Going. The Key To Life Is To Make The Going Really Fun. Because People That Are Like, “if I Just Get To This, Then Boom!” And Then They Get There And There's This Dawning Of An Afterwards. Whereas I'm Just Always In The Going. And It's Not A Frantic Going Like, “i Gotta Keep Going Or I'm Gonna Go Nuts!” I Can Not Do Anything For Weeks Or Months If I Need To And Just Sit And Read Books Or Watch Movies. I'm Just As Fine Consuming And Absorbing New Art As I Am Trying To Make It. But It's All In The Going.

My Advice To You Is Be Boring, Square, Asshole Parents... When I Have Kids, The Most Recent Cd I Will Own - Phil Collins, No Jacket Required, And I'll Rave About It. 'do You Like Rock 'n' Roll? 'cause This Is Rockin' Good Stuff, Kid.'

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I Think Right Now Is The Best Time For Stand-up, Ever. I Sincerely Do.

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Is It Bad When You Refer To All Alcohol As "pain Go Bye-bye Juice"?

To Get Asked To Do Stuff Like 'united States Of Tara' And 'caprica' Is Terrific. I Can't Complain.

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George Bush Is Not Stupid. He's Evil. Ok? There's A Huge Difference Between Stupid And Evil.

Having Enough Money Has To Go Hand In Hand With Living In A Way That You're Not Being A Slave To Your Possessions.

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If You Actually Do Cold Readings, It's Very Close To How People Actually Talk, Because You're Experiencing These Thoughts Anew Every Moment, And Trying To Make Them Come Out Coherently.

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What I Was Trying To Say In That Bit, Without Saying It Out Loud, Is That There Were Things - You're Right, Everything Is Very Politicized These Days, Literally Down To What Kind Of Coffee You Drink - That I Used To Fight With People About. And By The Way, Not Just People Like Republicans And Christians, But Liberal Friends Of Mine And Very Radical Left-wing Types, And Alternative, Indie Types.

Somebody Is Going To Find A Way Digitally That Is Just As Innovative. In The End, The Tools Can Change, But There Is Always Someone Who Can Think Of Something Cool To Do.

Every Zombie Story Is Fundamentally About A Breakdown Of Order, With The Infrastructure Intact. That Infrastructure Might Be On Fire, Yes.

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I Identify Myself As A Stand-up First. Even Though Lately There's Been An Explosion Of Acting On My Schedule.

I Remember, When 9/11 Went Down, My Reaction Was, 'well, I've Had It With Humanity.' But I Was Wrong.

Here's What I'm Afraid Of. I Know A Lot Of Comedians, Friends Of Mine, Who Just Got Into The "doesn't Matter What I Say. It Doesn't Matter. They're Just Gonna Laugh Anyway."

I Like To Write, I Like To Do Stand-up, I Like To Act.

The Truly Great Actors, Like Charlize Theron, Are Just Like, "i'm An Actor. For Hire. I Show Up, I Do My Job." There's No "i'm Just Waiting For The Inspiration." They Just Do Their Jobs. They Say, "let's Go Over The Scene A Few Times And Get It."

When You Put An Album Out, You Can't Do Any Material From The Album If People Are Paying To See You.

90% Of Every Art Form Is Garbage - Dance And Stand-up, Painting And Music. Focus On The 10% That's Good, Suck It Up, And Drive On.

If The Victories We Create In Our Heads Were Let Loose On Reality, The World We Know Would Drown In Blazing Happiness.

I Look Pretty Nondescript. I Don't Go Out Of My Way To... I Don't Express My Personality With My Clothes, With My Car Or My, You Know, House. I Express With My Personality; So As Far As What I Wear - I Don't Really Care About That.

But For The Most Part, For The Majority Of A Stand-up Audience, You Better Have New Stuff They've Not Heard. And If You Put An Album Out, Just Consider That Material Gone. At Least That's How I See It.

I Have To Drink This Much To Be As Unfunny As You.

I've Hung Out In The Writer's Room A Few Times, But The Fact Is We've Got Such A Good Writing Staff, I Don't Want To Get My Peanut Butter Fingerprints On Anything.

Beyond Any Role That I Ever Had, Really Early On As A Stand-up, I Would See Actors Decide To Try It And They Would Bomb Miserably. What I Realized Was That Stand-up, Acting And Writing Are All Their Own Disciplines.

Knowing Comedy Is Knowing Human Nature.

I'm Not Familiar With The Metric System.

You Have To Be Ruthless With Yourself, In Terms Of Being Honest About What Is Working And What Is Not.

You Can Be An Amateur And Have A Passion For Something, But It Takes A Long Time To Actually Become A Professional, Meaning That You Can Handle Any Situation.

As You Get Older, As A Comedian, And Keep Doing It, What You Actually Start To Cherish On Stage Is Not The Build-up To The Jokes, But How Comfortable You Can Be In The Silence And The Non-laughing Parts, And How Long You Can Take The Audience Without A Laugh To Then Get A Huge Reaction.

I Know How My Body Operates Differently From What It Did When It Was 30 And When It Was 20. As Unhealthy As I Am, I'm Weirdly Aware Of Exactly How My Body Functions.

With A Comedian, It's The Opposite. You Put That Album Out, And They've Heard It. If They're Coming Out To See You, You'd Better Be Doing New Stuff. There's Always A Tiny Part Of The Audience That Want To Hear Certain Bits Of Yours, Or They've Brought Friends To See You, And They've Told Them About Some Of Your Bits. Then Maybe You Should Do Them.

Before Doing My First Open Mic, I Was Sitting In The Back Watching All These Comedians Banter Back And Forth And Fire Jokes And Up Each Other, And I Thought, This Is Where I Wanna Be.

I Really Had To Imagine The Kind Of Person That I Would Have Been If I Had Never Left My Hometown... I Don't Think I Would Have Been A Very Pleasant Person.

I Mean, The Death In The Late Eighties And Early Nineties Really Shook Out A Lot Of Hacks. The Pond Just Sort Of Dried Up For A Lot Of Really Bad Comedians.

As Much As I Know People Love The Method And What You Can Draw Out Of Yourself, A Lot Of Acting Is Very Imaginative.

I Can't Say That I Ever Abided Nerd Stereotypes: I Was Never Alone Or Felt Outcast.

The Process Is To Me Is Going Onstage Night After Night After Night After Night Until I Get A New Hour. And Then Once That Hour Is Solidified And Recorded, I Move On.

I Love Doing Movies, But Right Now, Television Is The Way Hollywood Was In The Late '60s And Early '70s. The Dream Era I Would Have Loved To Have Been Part Of In Hollywood Then Is Happening Right Now, But It's Happening On Television, With These Big Complicated Story Arcs And Real Character-driven Shows And Sheer Ambiguity Left And Right.

If Kevin James Or Paul Giamatti Drop Weight, I'm Done. I Don't Want To Be The Last Pudge Out There.

As Unhealthy As I Am, I'm Weirdly Aware Of Exactly How My Body Functions.

Doing 'young Adult' Was Really Reassuring To Me In A Lot Of Ways. It Confirmed A Lot Of Suspicions I Had About Great Actors.

Nowadays - And I Don't Want To Make Some Dopey Cultural Statement Here - Everyone Can Be, Just By Existing In Society, Because We All Have A Ship That We Follow. Even If It's Other People, Like On Myspace Pages, We're Just As Collective Of Enthusiasts Now. That Seems To Be The World We're In.

The Idea Of, 'the Journey Is The Destination' Is Put Into Action By Browsing In An Indie Record Store. Besides, A Human Being Is A Much Better Guide Than A 'more Like This' Link On The Internet.

The Apocalypse Is Coming, That's The One Thing I Like About George Bush, I Really Think He Can Get Us Into The ... Apocalypse, Like The Biblical ... I Really Think He Believes That He'll Be The Guy In The White Hat. I Think He's Read The Stephen King Novel The Stand A Couple Times, And He Really Thinks There's A Dark Man In The Desert Somewhere And He's Gonna Fight Him Or Something.

A Lot Of Nerds Aren't Aware They're Nerds. A Geek Has Thrown His Hands Up To The Universe And Gone, 'i Speak Klingon - Who Am I Fooling? You Win! I'm Just Gonna Openly Like What I Like.' Geeks Tend To Be A Little Happier With Themselves.

Everything We Have Today That's Cool Comes From Someone Wanting More Of Something They Loved In The Past. Action Figures, Videogames, Superhero Movies, Ipods: All Are Continuations Of A Love That Wanted More.

There Is A Part Of My Generation That Is Not On Social Media Because They Have Happy Lives And They're Not Trying To Connect With Anybody. And There Are Other People Who Are On Social Media Because They Need To Connect.

We're Rewarding Either The Reality Or The Appearance Of Youth, Which Is Why You Have All These People In Their Fifties Trying To Act Like They're Seventeen. You Know, It's Great To Be Young. Be Young. By All Means, Be Young. But Always Remember That Youth Is Also Kinda Dumb, And Doesn't Know A Lot Yet.

Meal Isn't Over When I'm Full. Meal's Over When I Hate Myself.

Stand Up Comedian

I Never Said That Movies Were Struggling Behind Tv. I'm Just Saying That Movies Have A Better Creative Cache.

There's Nothing Wrong With Doing Comedies, And I'm Not Against Comedies, Either, But I Always Want To Do Stuff That Keeps Me Off My Guard And Gets Me Out Of My Comfort Zone.

I Don't Want To Get Into Extended Conversations With People On Myspace, Because There Are Friends I Have Extended Conversations With Every Day.

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