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We're Rewarding Either The Reality Or The Appearance Of Youth, Which Is Why You Have All These People In Their Fifties Trying To Act Like They're Seventeen. You Know, It's Great To Be Young. Be Young. By All Means, Be Young. But Always Remember That Youth Is Also Kinda Dumb, And Doesn't Know A Lot Yet.

-Patton Oswalt

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We're Rewarding Either The

Patton Oswalt

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We're Rewarding Either The Reality Or The Appearance Of Youth, Which Is Why You Have All These People In Their Fifties Trying To Act Like They're Seventeen. You Know, It's Great To Be Young. Be Young. By All Means, Be Young. But Always Remember That Youth Is Also Kinda Dumb, And Doesn't Know A Lot Yet.

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You Have To Be Ruthless With Yourself, In Terms Of Being Honest About What Is Working And What Is Not.

I Never Said That Movies Were Struggling Behind Tv. I'm Just Saying That Movies Have A Better Creative Cache.

I Love Doing Movies, But Right Now, Television Is The Way Hollywood Was In The Late '60s And Early '70s. The Dream Era I Would Have Loved To Have Been Part Of In Hollywood Then Is Happening Right Now, But It's Happening On Television, With These Big Complicated Story Arcs And Real Character-driven Shows And Sheer Ambiguity Left And Right.

One Of My Groupies Gave Me A Film That They Made, And It Ended Up Being Amazing, So I Got It Shown At South By Southwest. If I Can Help Get Their Stuff Out There, Then Great.

I Really Had To Imagine The Kind Of Person That I Would Have Been If I Had Never Left My Hometown... I Don't Think I Would Have Been A Very Pleasant Person.

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Cheap Liquor Is A Magic Potion That Can Turn You Into A Puppet Cowboy Before It Kills You.

Even If It's Other People, Like On Myspace Pages, We're Just As Collective Of Enthusiasts Now. That Seems To Be The World We're In.

The Problem Is, And I'm Just As Guilty Of This, A Lot Of People See Their Follower Count Increase And Mistake That For Friendships. It's Great To Have Followers, Especially If You Want To Sell Albums, Promote Shows, Or Promote Your Friends, But You Still Need To Get Outside And Talk To Other Human Beings.

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My Advice To You Is Be Boring, Square, Asshole Parents... When I Have Kids, The Most Recent Cd I Will Own - Phil Collins, No Jacket Required, And I'll Rave About It. 'do You Like Rock 'n' Roll? 'cause This Is Rockin' Good Stuff, Kid.'

Is It Bad When You Refer To All Alcohol As "pain Go Bye-bye Juice"?

What I'm Realizing As I Get Older Is That A Movie's Mainstream Success Is Just As Unpredictable As A Movie's Cult Success. Plenty Of Movies That Are Truly Odd And Deserve Cults, Don't Have Cults. It's Just As Much Of A Crapshoot To Be A Cult Hit As It Is To Be A Mainstream Success. Isn't That Weird?

The Idea Of, 'the Journey Is The Destination' Is Put Into Action By Browsing In An Indie Record Store. Besides, A Human Being Is A Much Better Guide Than A 'more Like This' Link On The Internet.

I Have To Drink This Much To Be As Unfunny As You.

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Even If You're Popular, There Are Times When You Just Feel Like You're Not A Part Of Things.

If I Were To Just Focus On Stand-up, I Could Actually, Paradoxically Enough, Be Home Way More, Because I Would Leave On A Friday, Go Do A Couple Theaters Friday, Saturday, Maybe Sunday, Come Home.

It Wasn't Until I Went To College And Met Different People From Different Areas Of Life - And Then Went To San Francisco And Met People Who Really Knew Who The Hell They Were - That I Kind Of Caught Up In A Hurry.

Knowing Comedy Is Knowing Human Nature.

Doing 'young Adult' Was Really Reassuring To Me In A Lot Of Ways. It Confirmed A Lot Of Suspicions I Had About Great Actors.

People Will Find Transformation And Transcendence In A Mcdonald's Hash Brown If It's All They've Got.

Stand-up Is Something I Just Truly Love To Do, So I'll Always Go Back To It. I'll Never Stop Doing It, That's For Sure.

I'm Such A Bookworm, And I'm Such A People-watcher. It Took The Internet A While To Catch On In Ireland, Because The Culture There Is, You Go To The Pub And Talk To People There, And That's How You Get The News And All The Gossip. You Just Do It Face To Face. And Culturally, You Just Couldn't Understand.

I Fantasize And Idealize Myself As Bugs Bunny, But I Know Deep Down I'm Daffy Duck.

Now We Live In This Dvd, Itunes, Hulu Age, And Show Creators And Networks Are Realizing That And Letting Shows Develop On Those Terms Rather Than 'we Gotta Just Punch It Week To Week, Man.' Now They're Like, 'what Will Happen If Someone Watches The Entire Show?'

Nowadays - And I Don't Want To Make Some Dopey Cultural Statement Here - Everyone Can Be, Just By Existing In Society, Because We All Have A Ship That We Follow. Even If It's Other People, Like On Myspace Pages, We're Just As Collective Of Enthusiasts Now. That Seems To Be The World We're In.

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Myspace Is Somehow More Welcoming Than Facebook. And Twittering, I Just... Ugh. I Like Having Radio Silence. I Think Radio Silence Is An Important Part Of Any Public Figure's Day. We Haven't Seen It Yet, But There's Going To Be A Generation That Comes Up Where The New Trend Will Be Complete Anonymity. It'll Be Cool To Have Never Posted Anything Online, Commented, Opened A Webpage Or A Myspace. I Think Everyone In The Future Is Going To Be Allowed To Be Obscure For 15 Minutes. You'll Have 15 Minutes Where No One Is Watching You, And Then You'll Be Shoved Back Onto Your Reality Show.

I Want To Experience As Many Different Tastes, Sights, Emotions, Conflicts, And Cultures As Possible, So That I Can Expand The Canvas Of My Memory And Enrich My Comedy.

I Had A Romance Novel Inside Me, But I Paid Three Sailors To Beat It Out If Me With Steel Pipes.

I Mean, The Death In The Late Eighties And Early Nineties Really Shook Out A Lot Of Hacks. The Pond Just Sort Of Dried Up For A Lot Of Really Bad Comedians.

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George Bush Is Not Stupid. He's Evil. Ok? There's A Huge Difference Between Stupid And Evil.

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All The Truly Great Stand-ups Say, "i Go Onstage, And I Work On Jokes. The Inspiration Will Happen While I'm Doing My Work." To Me, In The End, The Surest Thing Is Work.

Based On My Own Experience, When You're Going Through Adolescence You Don't Know How The World Works. You Can't Set A Story In The World You Live In Because You Don't Know What A Utility Bill Is, Or How To Budget Your Paycheck.

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I Hate All Sidekicks.

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I've Had Some Pretty Good Arguments With People, But I've Never Regretted It. I've Had People Come Up Where It's All Emotion And No Fact. That's Always Sad.

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I Think Right Now Is The Best Time For Stand-up, Ever. I Sincerely Do.

I Think I Realized It Was An Art Form At The Beginning, But It Took Me A Really Long Time Before I Was Able To View What I Was Performing Myself As An Art Form.

I Really Do Love Doing Stand-up, And I Don't See Why It Should Affect The Acting. And I Just Want More Interesting Jobs. I Just Want To Keep Doing Stuff That's Different, Rather Than Saying, "okay, I've Become Known For This, And I'll Just Do This From Now On." If I Feel Like I've Done This One Thing, I Never Want To Do It Again. I Want To Do Something Totally Different.

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It’s The Method Of Consumption, Not What’s On The Plate.

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I'm Always Trying Out New Stuff Onstage. That's Where I Do All My Writing.

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I'm Going To Continue To Try To Strike A Balance, Because I Really, Really Do Love Doing Stand-up, And I Don't See Why It Should Affect The Acting. And Again, I'm Not Going, "i've Got To Become A Dramatic Actor Now." I Just Want More Interesting Jobs. I Just Want To Keep Doing Stuff That's Different.

I Have A Lot Of Friends Who Were Stand-ups, And They Just Stopped After A While, Because They Didn't Like That Battle, Or They Just Couldn't Do It. And Then They Would Get On A Sitcom And Get Visible And Get Back Into It, Because The Audience Was Just Way Easier On Them. But They Lost Those Crucial Years Of Learning To Turn Any Audience Into Your Audience.

I Haven't Sworn Off Facebook. I'm On Facebook. There's A Fan Page On Facebook That I Will Update, But I'm On There Myself Under A Pseudonym, Because There Were A Lot Of People Able To Private-message Me On Facebook, And It Was Getting Really Weird. And Then With Myspace, I Just Don't Read Messages. I Delete Everything, And I Just Post Updates Every Now And Then.

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This Sounds Like A Brag, But I Know How To Make Good Fried Rice. I Learned In College. There Are Two Secrets - Take The Rice After You Cook It And Let It Get Cold In The Fridge. Then Cook The Egg Like You're Making A Fried Egg And Just Before It's Done, Dump The Rice And Veg On It And Swirl It Around.

If The Victories We Create In Our Heads Were Let Loose On Reality, The World We Know Would Drown In Blazing Happiness.

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The Kentucky Fried Chicken Corporation Made A Bobble Head Of Me And Sent It To My Management. No Card, Nothing.

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I Grew Up In Such A Featureless, Personality-less Suburb. There Was Nothing To Push Against.

Having Enough Money Has To Go Hand In Hand With Living In A Way That You're Not Being A Slave To Your Possessions.

When You Act, You're Being Asked To Pretend In A Very Rigid, Controlled Environment. It's Very Un-childlike. So A Lot Of Times, When You Put Kids In That Situation, You Hope They Have A Better Support System Outside Of What They're Doing To Bring Them Back To Reality At The End Of The Day And To Keep Them Well-rounded.

Support Systems

I'm Glad That That Era Of Stand-up Is Over, Because I Think It Adversely Affected A Lot Of People Who Could Have Been Really, Really Great Comedians. Because They Unconsciously Or Subconsciously Stifled Their Wild Impulses, And Were Thinking About The Five Clean Minutes For The Tonight Show, Or The 20-minute Sitcom Pitch As A Stand-up Act.

So When You Spot Violence, Or Bigotry, Or Intolerance Or Fear Or Just Garden-variety Misogyny, Hatred Or Ignorance, Just Look It In The Eye And Think, 'the Good Outnumber You, And We Always Will.'

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We Would Not Be Here If Humanity Were Inherently Evil. We'd Have Eaten Ourselves Alive Long Ago.

I Think The Kind Of Person That Gravitates Toward New York Is A Person That's Not So Much Focused On Controlling Exactly How They Appear And How They Exit. They're More Fascinated With The Process.

If You Actually Do Cold Readings, It's Very Close To How People Actually Talk, Because You're Experiencing These Thoughts Anew Every Moment, And Trying To Make Them Come Out Coherently.

If Kevin James Or Paul Giamatti Drop Weight, I'm Done. I Don't Want To Be The Last Pudge Out There.

I Like To Write, I Like To Do Stand-up, I Like To Act.

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Anything's Better Than Gen X Which Is What We Got. Thanks Douglas Coupland. We Sound Like A Team Of Mutant Vigalantees With Frosted Hair And Chain Wallets. Actually That's Not Completely Horrible.

You Saw A Lot Of Guys, Especially In The Early '90s, Whose Acts Were A Pitch For A Sitcom. A Lot Of Them Were Very Funny, But There's Nothing Worse Than Watching Comedians Or Musicians Who Are Up There And Are Doing Something They're Not Interested In.

There's Nothing Wrong With Doing Comedies, And I'm Not Against Comedies, Either, But I Always Want To Do Stuff That Keeps Me Off My Guard And Gets Me Out Of My Comfort Zone.

Here's What I'm Afraid Of. I Know A Lot Of Comedians, Friends Of Mine, Who Just Got Into The "doesn't Matter What I Say. It Doesn't Matter. They're Just Gonna Laugh Anyway."

If You Play Comedic Scenes Like They're Really Serious, Then It's So Much More Funny Than If You're Going For A Laugh.

I Remember, When 9/11 Went Down, My Reaction Was, 'well, I've Had It With Humanity.' But I Was Wrong.

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