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When People Say To Me, 'you Hate America,' I Don't Hate America. I Love America. I Am Just Embarrassed That It Has Been Taken Over By People Like Evangelicals, By People Who Do Not Believe In Science And Rationality. It Is The 21st Century. And I Will Tell You, My Friend. The Future Does Not Belong To The Evangelicals. The Future Does Not Belong To Religion.

-Bill Maher

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When People Say To

Bill Maher

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When People Say To Me, 'you Hate America,' I Don't Hate America. I Love America. I Am Just Embarrassed That It Has Been Taken Over By People Like Evangelicals, By People Who Do Not Believe In Science And Rationality. It Is The 21st Century. And I Will Tell You, My Friend. The Future Does Not Belong To The Evangelicals. The Future Does Not Belong To Religion.

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Republicans Have Pounced. They're Outraged. They Say, 'how Dare You Lie About Caring For The People Who Got Hurt In The War We Lied Them Into?'

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The First Amendment Was Specifically Designed For Citizens To Insult Politicians. Libel Laws Were Written To Protect Law Students Speaking Out On Political Issues From Getting Called Whores By Oxycontin Addicts.

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The Republicans Released Their 'pledge To America.' It's 21 Pages Of Phony Charts And Bad Ideas. Sarah Palin Got A Copy, And She Said, 'how Am I Supposed To Fit All This Crap On My Hand?

I Mean, Maybe One Day We Will Live In A More Optimum World Where Terrorists Come In Every Color Of The Rainbow. But The Truth Is, Now They Don't. I Mean, The People Who Are Trying To Get Us Are Young Muslim Men, Period.

Religion, To Me, Is A Bureaucracy Between Man And God That I Don't Need.

The Founding Fathers Were More Deists. If You Had To Categorize Them As Anything. There Was Some Sort Of Moving Prime Force. But It's An Impersonal Force. Some People Call It Nature. Certainly Not This Personal God Who You Have A Personal Relationship With, Who Listens To Your Prayers And Answers Them, Or Doesn't. You Know, Not The Silly Stuff That Most Americans Believe Because We're Such A Dumb Nation.

I Think America Causes Cancer, Longevity Is Less Important Than Fun, And Young People Should Be Discouraged From Voting.

You Know What Happens When Windmills Collapse Into The Sea? A Splash.

Last Week, I Suggested The Candidates Take Up Mushrooms. I'll Be Damned If Rick Perry Didn't Take Me Up On That.

Jim Bakker Spells His Name With Two K's Because Three Would Be Too Obvious.

Face The Fact That There's Only One Sure-fire Way To Erase Credit Card Debt. By Picking Up A Big, Shiny Pair Of Scissors And Cutting Your Wife In Half.

That's Ended, That's Over. I Want You To Meet My Pimps. I Thought, I'm A Show-business Ho Already, So I Might As Well Be A Real Ho.

Your Taxes Are Due A Week From Today. You Can Make Out Your Check Directly To Halliburton. Or You Can Do What I'm Going To Do. I'm Filing My First Joint Return. No, I'm Not Getting Married, I'm Sending The Irs An Actual Joint With A Note That Says, 'if You Think I'm Paying For This War, You Must Be High.'

The Media Is All Over This Oui Interview That Arnold Did 25 Years Ago. Now, He's Admitted He Smoked Pot, Had Group Sex And Didn't Mind Dating A Girl That Was Out Of Shape And Kind Of Fat If She Satisfied Him Sexually. So, His Handlers Have Stopped Comparing Him To Reagan And Started Comparing Him To Clinton.

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I'm Worried About A Permanent Republican Majority. That's What I'm Worried About For The Future.

People Have To Stop Saying That Just Because Someone Is An Anti-gay Activist They Might Be Gay. They're Definitely Gay!!

The Hollywood Executives Are, Like, ‘we’re Not Racist, We Just Have To Pretend To Be Racists Because We’re Capitalists. We Want To Sell Our Movies In China (and) They Don’t Like Kevin Hart.’

When You Get People Who Are Out Of Office, Suddenly Their Tongues Loosen Up And Suddenly They Say The Things That You Wish They'd Said Or Did When They Were In Office.

Clinton Left The White House With All The Class Of An Xfl Halftime Show.

Your Fuselage Shouldn't Open More Easily Than Your Pretzel Bag.

Just Be Happy That Something Traveled 5,000 Miles Across The Pacific And, For Once, It Wasn't Your Job.

Republicans Are Always Saying We Should Privatize Things Like Schools, Prisons, Social Security - Hey, How About We Privatize Privacy! Because If The Government Forbids Gay Men From Tying The Knot, What Is Their Alternative? They Can`t All Marry Liza Minnelli.

When It Comes To Religion, We're Not Two Sides Of The Same Coin, And You Don't Get To Put Your Unreason Up On The Same Shelf With My Reason. Your Stuff Has To Go Over There, On The Shelf With Zeus And Thor And The Kraken, With The Stuff That Is Not Evidence-based, Stuff That Religious People Never Change Their Mind About, No Matter What Happens.

People On The Right Say To People Like Me, Oh, You Hate America. And I Always Say, No, I Love America. I Want It Back. I Don't Want You Representing It. I Don't Want Torture Representing It. If I Hated It, I'd Be Okay With Being Represented By The Torturers.

This Country Hates Professors. It Likes Toby Keith - 'i'm Gonna Put A Boot In Their Ass.' If You Don't Do That, Somehow You Can't Be Strong.

I Have Two Dogs. If I Had Retarded Children, I'd Be A Hero. And Yet, The Dogs Are Pretty Much The Same Thing.

I Urge The Media To Start Referring To Climate Skeptics As What They Really Are: Climate Assholes.

Republicans Don't Have To Accept Evolution, Economics, Climatology, Or Human Sexuality, But I Just Watched A Week Of Their National Convention, And I Need Them To Admit The Historical Existence Of George W. Bush. If Your Party Can Run The Nation For Eight Years And Then Have A National Convention And Not Invite Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, Karl Rove, Or Tom Delay, You're Not A Political Movement, You're The Witness Protection Program.

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People Say I'm Into Black Women. Robert De Niro Is Into Black Women. I'm Just Into Women Who Are Real, And They Happen To Be Black.

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A Lot Of Good Has Come From Drugs. I Think 'penny Lane' Is Worth 10 Dead Kids. Dark Side Of The Moon Is Worth 100 Dead Kids. Because A Lot Of Kids Wouldn't Even Be Born If It Weren't For That Album, So It Evens Out.

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Faith Means Making A Virtue Out Of Not Thinking. It's Nothing To Brag About.

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I Do Miss George Bush. Compared To These Teabaggers And The People Who Are Pandering To Them, He Looks Like A Professor.

Is It Like Gay Men Go Into The Priesthood Because They Figure, Well, This'll Solve My Problem. I Can't Be A Homosexual In The Priesthood; It'll Just Go Away. Maybe I'll Try It With The Republican Party.

The Democrats Are Very Bad At Selling Their Own Product. The Republicans Are Geniuses At It. And I've Said It Before, A Bad Product Well Apologized For Is Superior In This Country To A Good Product.

They're Talking About Banning Cigarette Smoking Now In Any Place That's Used By Ten Or More People In A Week, Which, I Guess, Means That Madonna Can't Even Smoke In Bed.

I Would Describe My Spirituality As Exactly The Opposite Of Having A Religious Affiliation.

Hot Women Have To Stop Putting Long Paragraphs Of Text On Their Bodies. I Know You Think It's Sexy But One Thing That Men Never Think Is, "gee, You Know What Would Make This Sex Better? Having Something To Read."

When I Hear From People That Religion Doesn't Hurt Anything, I Say Really? Well Besides Wars, The Crusades, The Inquisitions, 9-11, Ethnic Cleansing, The Suppression Of Women, The Suppression Of Homosexuals, Fatwas, Honor Killings, Suicide Bombings, Arranged Marriages To Minors, Human Sacrifice, Burning Witches, And Systematic Sex With Children, I Have A Few Little Quibbles. And I Forgot Blowing Up Girl Schools In Afghanistan.

I Don't Know If You Heard The News, But Wall Street Now Is A Farmer's Market. I Don't Want To Say Things Are Going Downhill Quickly, But Obama's New Campaign Slogan Is 'are You Better Off Than You Were Four Days Ago?'

That's America For You - A Red Herring Culture, Always Scared Of The Wrong Things. The Fact Is, There Are A Lot Of Creepy Middle-aged Men Out There Lusting For Your Kids. They Work For Mtv, The Pharmaceutical Industry, Mcdonald's, Marlboro And K Street.

Unemployment Is Down, Confidence Is Up, Dow 5,000 Above Bush - Or As Republicans Put It, Let's Talk About Gay People And Abortion!

You Can't Pray Away Global Warming, And That's The Difference Between Religious People And Sane People.

If You're Living Hand-to-mouth, And Still Buying Into The Con That The Big Threats To America Are Socialized Medicine, Mexican Immigrants And Tax Increases, Then You're Not Being Kept Down By The Rich. You're Being Kept Down By You.

How Come Regional Pandering Only Works In One Direction, Right? You Never See A Southern Politician Trying To Win Votes In New York State By Saying, 'i Read Books And Make A Mean Vegan Meatloaf.'

To Give You An Idea How Slowly We Are Leaving Afghanistan, Afghans Don't Refer To Us Anymore As 'infidel Crusaders.' They Refer To Us As 'irish Relatives.'

The Difference Between A Hockey Mom And A Pit Bull: At Some Point, A Pit Bull Does Stop Whining.

Be Out Of The Mainstream. I'm Out Of The Mainstream. I Enjoy It, Who Wants To Be In The Mainstream?

The Tea Baggers. The One Thing They Hate Is When You Call Them Racist. The Other Thing They Hate Is Black People. But They Won't Say It.

If We Were A Dog And God Owned Us, The Cops Would Come And Take Us Away.

What I Believe In Is Love Your Neighbor As Yourself And Don't Call Him Stupid Because They Don't Agree With You Politically.

Newt Gingrich...is Absolutely For Bombing Iran And For Lowering Gas Prices. And I've Just To Say, You Can't Be For Both. They Are Diametrically Opposed.

What Is Kanye West's Message? Like Most Rap, "i Am The Greatest Person Ever And You're Not." I Used To Call It Affirmative Action For The Ego.

When You Look At Belief In Such Things - As Do You Go To Heaven, Is There A Devil - We Have More In Common With (muslin Countries) Turkey And Iran And Syria Than We Do With European Nations And Canada And Nations That, Yes, I Would Consider More Enlightened That Us.

I Think The Reason Why More Rapists Go Into The Military Is The Same Reason Why Predators Go Into The Catholic Church. It's A Place They Know They Can Get Away With It.

What Is It With Conservatives? Seriously, I'm Not Trying To Be Partisan But It Seems Like If They're Anti-illegal Alien, They Have Illegal Aliens Working For Them. If They're Anti-gay, They Turn Out To Be Gay. If They're Super Christian, They're A Witch.

Lip-synching?! Let That Be A Lesson. If You Are In Washington, D.c., And You Open Your Mouth And Another Voice Comes Out, It Better Be The Nra, An Oil Company Or A Bank.

As A Loyal American And I Think A Patriotic American, No, I Don't Want Sarah Palin To Be President.

The Tea Baggers, They're Not A Movement, They're A Cult.... Cults Tend To Populate From Within, Encouraging Members To Have Huge Broods Of Children And To Give Them Strange Names, Like Moonbeam, And Trig.

People Like The Mormons And The Scientologists, Who I Think Should Combine And Make A Mormontologist Because What They Believe Is Just So Out There It's Just Laughable.

Sam Harris Made That Great Analogy. He Said, 'if Someone Was Talking Into Their Hair Dryer And Claiming That They Were Speaking To God, They Would Call Bellevue. But, Take Away The Hair Dryer, It's Just Praying.'

Bush The Younger Has Two Things Going For Him That His Father Never Had. One: An Easy Charm With Regular People And Two: The Power To Make Them Disappear Without A Trial.

I Don't Do Heroin Myself, But It's Done Wonders For My Music Collection.

There Is No Such Thing As A Moderate Republican Anymore.

I'm Guessing Our Soldiers Are Happy To Be Leaving Iraq. It Is No Fun Being In A Country Where There's Crumbling Infrastructure And An Ignorant Population, But They Said They're Happy To Come Home Anyway.

In Europe, Socialism Is Just Another Political Party. It Just Means That Government Takes Over Certain Things Like Hospitals, Prisons, Military And Schools That Should Not Be Run For Profit.

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I Don't Know Anyone Less Jesus Like Than Christians.

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In This Country, A Smart Leader Is Suspect. That's Just The Way It Is. Even George Bush's Father, Who Was A Lot Smarter Than The Son, Had To Sort Of Prove That He Wasn't That Bright.

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No Politician Is Perfect. But In Every Election In Your Life, There Will Be One Choice That Is Better Than The Others. Go Out And Vote For That One.

I Have Always Defined Political Correctness As An Elevation Of Sensitivity Over Truth.

If You Can Look At A Crime Where Everything Points To One Answer And Not See It, You're A Dumb-ass. And If You Can Look At The Deficit And Not See That The Problem Is That The Rich Stopped Paying Taxes, You're A Republican.

All Marriages Are Same Sex Marriages. You Get Married And Every Night, It's The Same Sex.

Space Tourism Is God's Way Of Telling You You Aren't Spending Enough On Lap Dances, Baccarat And Cocaine.

I Kid Fox News, But They May Be A Little Biased. We Had An Earthquake Here On Monday, And They Reported That 'the Earth's Crust Was Emboldened By Obama's Weakness.'

Which Is Why I'd Like To Tip Off Law Enforcement To An Even Larger Child-abusing Religious Cult. Its Leader Also Has A Compound, And This Guy Not Only Operates Outside The Bounds Of The Law, But He Used To Be A Nazi And He Wears Funny Hats. That's Right, The Pope Is Coming To America This Week And Ladies, He's Single!

Don't Vote For Republicans Or Democrats Until They Clean Up The Open System Of Bribery That We Live Under.

African American Congressman Bobby Rush Wore A Hoodie On The Floor Of Congress To Make A Point This Week. And They Threw Him Out. They Said A Hoodie Is Too Scary For Congress. Too Scary? Have You Ever Looked Into Michele Bachmann's Eyes?

African American

I'm For The Death Penalty, I'm Pro-abortion, I'm Pro-assisted Suicide, I'm Pro-regular Suicide. Anything That'll Get The Traffic Moving.

Jesus Is Not A Candle. A Company In South Dakota Is Selling Candles With The Scent Of Jesus. You Light One And Your Friends Says, Christ, What's That Smell?

Sometimes I'm Dragging My Ass Out To The Airport At 8 A.m. On A Saturday And I'm Wondering Why I'm Doing This, But Once I Walk On Stage I Know Why...because I'm Addicted.

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The Jury Could Get The Case As Early As Next Week, But The Defense Says They Just Want To Introduce One Last-minute Load Of Crap.

Religion Is Insanity By Consensus.

Today Obama Was Seen Leaving The White House In A Nurse's Uniform On A Flight To Cuba To Smother Castro With A Pillow.

If There Is Such A Thing As Karma, Let's Hope That Sarah Palin Comes Back As A Wolf Being Shot At From A Plane.

In America, You’re Allowed To Justify Almost Any Kind Of Bigotry, Sexism, Or Intolerance If You Source It To God’s Big Book Of Bad Ideas.

The Eleventh Commandment: Don't Speak Ill Of A Fellow Republican. What If The Fellow Republican Is Doing Something That Hurts America? Isn't It The Patriot Who Sides With America Before He Sides With The Republicans?

In Fact, Because People Are Religious, They Think They Can Do Bad Things.

Our Mistakes From The Past Are Just That: Mistakes. And They Were Necessary To Make In Order To Become The Wiser Person We Became.

On The Show, I Do A Very Serious Thing. And A Lot Of People Have A Hard Time Reconciling That With What I'm Going To Do After The Show. They Can't Get It Into Their Heads: "how Can He Be Talking To Madeleine Albright One Minute And Then Somebody Half His Age...." They're Just Jealous. But I Never Made Any Bones About It. I Am A Player. Always Have Been.

The President Said That Gold Told Him To Invade Iraq. You See That's What Happens When You Mix New Testament And Old Milwaukee.

Have You Ever Met A War You Didn't Love? I’m Asking, Is There Any Place You Don’t Want To Intervene In?

Ebola Has Arrived In New York City. And I Say, 'if It Can Make It There...it Can Make It Anywhere!'

New Rule: If You Can Force A Woman To Look At A Sonogram—to See What Will Happen If She Has An Abortion—you Also Have To Let Her See A Crying Baby, A Bratty Five-year-old, And A Surly Teenager To See What Will Happen If She Doesn’t. And You Have To Tell Her It Costs $204,000 To Raise It Until It Turns Eighteen, In 2028, Where It Will Be A Slave To The Chinese, In A Radioactive World With No Animals, Fish, Or Plants.

What I Have Against Religion Is That They Start You When You Are So Defenseless. I Mean, I Was Three When They Started Pumping This Bullshit Into My Head. I Believed In Santa Claus And The Fairy Godmother, Of Course I Believed In A Virgin Birth, And A Guy Lived In A Whale, And A Woman Came From A Rib. But Then Something Happened That Made Me Doubt All Of It: I Graduated Sixth Grade!

If We Stopped Calling It Profiling And Started Calling It "proactive Intelligence Screening" Or "high Alert Detecting", People Would Be Saying "well, It's About Time".

This Is Why Rational People - Anti-religionists - Must End Their Timidity And Come Out Of Their Closet And Assert Themselves.

New Rule: If Churches Don't Have To Pay Taxes, They Also Can't Call The Fire Department When They Catch Fire. Sorry Reverend, That's One Of Those Services That Goes Along With Paying In. I'll Use The Fire Department I Pay For. You Can Pray For Rain.

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Do You Want To Know Why Marijuana Is Illegal? Because The Drug Companies Want Marijuana To Be Illegal. You See, If It Came Down To Prozak Versus Marijuana, Prozak Would Lose.

I Don't Want To Be A Pessimist. I'm A Realist. One Man's Realist Is Another Man's Pessimist.

People Do Not Want To Be Disillusioned By The New President [barak Obama]. The Liberals Felt, Finally, This Is Our Time. Now They're Worried. Now What They See Is More Business As Usual. We All Want To Give Him The Benefit Of The Doubt, We Know It's A Tough Job And He Inherited A Mess, But At The End Of The Day, Is It Really Change We Can Believe In When There's No Public Options And Wall Street Reform Has No Teeth In It? It Really Looks A Lot Like We Just Changed The Color.

The President Finally Explained Why He Sat In That Classroom On 9/11 For 7 Minutes After He Was Told The Country Was Under Attack. He Said He Was 'collecting His Thoughts.' What A Time To Start A New Hobby.'

Between Trying To Impeach Bill Clinton, Florida 2000, And The Recall In California, I'm Beginning To Think That Republicans Will Do Anything To Win An Election-except Get The Most Votes.

I Think That Religion Stops People From Thinking. I Think It Justifies Crazies. I Think Flying Planes Into A Building Was A Faith-based Initiative. I Think Religion Is A Neurological Disorder. If You Look At It Logically, It's Something That Was Drilled Into Your Head When You Were A Small Child. It Certainly Was Drilled Into Mine At That Age. And You Really Can't Be Responsible When You Are A Kid For What Adults Put Into Your Head.

Let's Be Honest, Half The Marriages End In Divorce. For Me, It's Never Made Much Sense. I Have A Girlfriend And I'm Not Interested In Anyone Else, But I Still Wouldn't Want To Bring The Federal And State Government Into My Life.

Here's The Thing About Donald Trump: He Never Apologizes. He's Never Wrong, No Matter What Crazy Thing He Says. He's Totally - He's The White Kanye.

Americans Are Used To Being Pandered To And Spoon-fed Everything. In A Culture That Needs Caffeine-free Cherry Chocolate Diet Coke, You'd Best Deliver Information With Entertainment.

You Would Think There Is A Higher Bar Than Having A Facebook Page To Run For President.

Rational People, Anti-religionists, Must End Their Timidity And Come Out Of The Closet And Assert Themselves. And Those Who Consider Themselves Only Moderately Religious Really Need To Look In The Mirror And Realize That The Solace And Comfort That Religion Brings You Actually Comes At A Terrible Price.

Heroin May Be Bad, But It Sure As Hell Hasn't Hurt My Cd Collection.

Reverend Ted Haggard's Followers Still Think He's Not Gay. I'm Not Kidding. In Their World, There Are No Gay People. There Are Just Straight People Who Are Sinning. They Don't Want To Do It, But The Devil Makes Them! He Targets People Like Reverend Ted. That's How It Happened. The Devil Got Hold Of Reverend Ted, And Ted Said, 'get Thee Behind Me, Satan! And Put It In, Gently'.

Greed Can Overtake Smart.

Just Honest. To Me, Being 'politically Incorrect' Means The Opposite Of Being Political -- Which Means To Spin Everything. That's All It's Ever Meant To Me. It's Never Meant Liberal Or Conservative. It Means Honest.

Community Is Gathering Around A Fire And Listening To Someone Tell A Story.

This Party Is Just Full Of Children, And Someone Needs To Leave Them In A Hot Car.

You Can Refer To God And You Are Really Just Talking About Nature. If You Are Going To Say The Universe Is God, Then Everything Is God, Everything Is Religion. But When We Explore Traditional Religion We Are Talking About Humanistic Gods People Pray To, That They Think Can Intervene In Our Lives, Who Run Sort Of A Heaven-and-hell Operation For The Afterworld.

Hi, I'm Bill. I'm A Birth Survivor.

I Think There Is A Problem, Though, With The Media Gushing Over [obama] Too Much. I Don't Think He Thinks That He's All That, But The Media Does. I Mean, The Coverage After, That I Was Watching, From Msnbc, I Mean These Guys Were Ready To Have Sex With Him.it's Embarrassing.

New Rule: I Don't Give Two Fingleberries And A Mcshit-all That Dumbledore Is Gay. I Never Wanted To Know Who Dumbledore Was In The First Place. Let Alone His Sexuality. What Concerns Me Is Adults Who Read 800-page Books About Magic Schoolboys... And Then Try To Talk To Me About It. If I Had The Slightest Interest In Homosexuals With Powers, I'd Be A Republican.

The Nra Made An Ad Saying That Obama Is Elitist Because His Kids Have Armed Guards. Yeah, That Crazy Obama Thinking His Kids Need Special Protection. I Love The Nra Accusing Anyone Of Being Paranoid. It's Like A Septic Tank Saying, 'you Need A Mint.'

Whenever The People Are For Gay Marriage Or Medical Marijuana Or Assisted Suicide, Suddenly The 'will Of The People' Goes Out The Window.

Since The Icelandic Volcano Obviously Needs A Virgin Sacrifice And The Catholic Church Obviously Needs New Leadership The Pope Must Volunteer To Jump In The Volcano. Pontiff, Don't Think Of It As Endorsing Paganism, Think Of It As Supersizing Ash Wednesday.

I ... Would Guess Maybe About One Or Two Out Of Five Men Is Suited For Marriage And Probably Four Out Of Five Women Are Better At Marriage Than Being Single And Would Like To Be Married.

In An Average Moral Universal Society, Good People Will Try To Do The Right Thing, And Psychotic People Will Do Wicked Things. But If You Want To Make Good People Do Wicked Things, You Need Them To Be Religious.

It's Supposed To Be A Good Thing That He's Got This Dialogue Started. To Me, I Think, I Just Took Away Something Bad From It, Because, Apparently He Had To Do This Not To Convince Them Of Anything. To Educate Them.

A Cult Is A Cult, And That's What A Frat Is. A Place Where They Strip You Of Your Personality And Rebuild It In Their Image.

Also, In The Category Of 'obvious But Still Shocking,' An Animal Called A 'killer Whale' Killed Someone Who Was Trying To Play With It. Now, No One Knows Exactly What Enraged The Whale, But Earlier In The Week, It Had Been Thrown Off A Flight By Southwest Airlines.

The Dalai Lama Visited The White House And Told The President That He Could Teach Him To Find A Higher State Of Consciousness. Then After Talking To Bush For A Few Minutes, He Said, 'you Know What? Let's Just Grab Lunch.'

But I've Often Said That If I Had – I Have Two Dogs – If I Had Two Retarded Children, I'd Be A Hero. And Yet The Dogs, Which Are Pretty Much The Same Thing. What? They're Sweet. They're Loving. They're Kind, But They Don't Mentally Advance At All. Dogs Are Like Retarded Children.

I Don't Understand Why The Police Are Infallible. They Remind Me A Lot Of The Catholic Church.

It's Going To Be Perry, It's Going To Be Romney...it's Sort Of A Battle For The Soul Of The Republican Party - And They Have No Soul, But The Space Where A Soul Would Be.

I Feel Like I'm Wearing Orthopedic Shoes, Because I Stand Corrected.

There's A Phrase We Live By In America: "in God We Trust". It's Right There Where Jesus Would Want It: On Our Money.

In Today's Republican Party, There's A Term For People Who Hate Charity And Love Killing: 'christian.'

Life Is Not Like A Box Of Chocolates Unless There's A Few Turds In The Box.

The Reason I Love My Dog So Much Is Because When I Come Home, He's The Only One In The World Who Treats Me Like I'm The Beatles.

I Think Flying Planes Into A Building Was A Faith-based Initiative. I Think Religion Is A Neurological Disorder.

A Lot Of People Say They Are Dyslexic; Some Have To Realize That They Are Just Stupid.

Conservatives Claim [hillary] Clinton Campaign Involved In Satanic 'spirit Cooking'.

Death Is The Monster We All Fear, Yet With Each Day, We Walk Toward It, And Can't Help Doing So; We Can't Help But Walk Toward The One Thing We're Most Trying To Avoid.

Now People Want Brian Williams To Resign, But It Could Have A Happy Ending. Apparently What He Said Was Such A Blatant Departure From The Truth, Today He Got An Offer From Fox News.

The President Had A Press Conference About This This Week And He Said That The U.s. Has No Plans To Attack North Korea. And Then He Added, 'like Having No Plan Ever Stopped Me Before.'. He Has Something Even More Deadly In Store For Them - We're Going To Bring Them Democracy.

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