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We Heard The Army Before We Saw It. The Noise Was Like A Cannon Barrage Combined With A Football Stadium Crowd- Like Every Patriots Fan In New England Was Charging Us With Bazookas.

-Rick Riordan

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We Heard The Army

Rick Riordan

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We Heard The Army Before We Saw It. The Noise Was Like A Cannon Barrage Combined With A Football Stadium Crowd- Like Every Patriots Fan In New England Was Charging Us With Bazookas.

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Alabaster, You Told Me Earlier That Heroes Don't Die. You May Be Right, But I Can Tell You One Thing." Claymore Looked The Boy In The Eyes. "i'm Not A Hero.

I've Been Waiting A Long Time For A Quest, Seaweed Brain," She Said. "athena Is No Fan Of Poseidon, But If You're Going To Save The World, I'm The Best Person To Keep You From Messing Up.

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A Weapon, I Told Horus. I Need A Weapon. I Reached Into The Duat And Pulled Out An Ostrich Feather. “really?” I Yelled. Horus Didn’t Answer

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I Turned And Found Dionysus Standing There, Still In His Black Suit. Walk With Me,” He Said. Where To?” I Asked Suspiciously. Just To The Campfire,” He Said. “i Was Beginning To Feel Better, So I Thought I Would Talk With You A Bit. You Always Manage To Annoy Me.” Uh, Thanks.

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Trantulus Casually Roasted A Marshmallow And Reached Out For It But The Marshmallow Commited Sucide And Dived Into The Flames.

There Were A Lot Of Answers I Might've Given, From "i Knew That" To "liar!" To "yeah Right, And I'm Zeus." - Percy, After Quintus Says That He Is Daedalus

Reyna Sent Me To Get Percy," Frank Said. "did Octavian Accept You?" "yeah," Percy Said. "he Slaughtered My Panda.

Blackjack," Percy Said, "this Is Piper And Jason. They're Friends." The Horse Nickered. "uh, Maybe Later," Percy Answered. Piper Had Heard That Percy Could Speak To Horses, Being The Son Of The Horse Lord Poseidon, But She'd Never Seen It In Action. "what Does Blackjack Want?" She Asked. "donuts," Percy Said. "always Donuts.

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Why Are They So Sad?” I Asked. “well, They’re Dead,” Carter Speculated.

Getting Something And Having The Wits To Use It...those Are Two Different Things.

If Annabeth's Mother Was Athena, The Goddess Of Wisdom, Then Why Didn't Annabeth Know Better Than To Fall Off A Cliff?

The Friday Before Winter Break, My Mom Packed Me An Overnight Bag And A Few Deadly Weapons And Took Me To A New Boarding School.

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Back In Khufu's Day I Knew A Magician Who Parted The Nile Just So He Could Climb To The Bottom And Retrieve A Girl's Necklace. Then There Was That Israelite Fellow, Mickey." "moses?" "yeah, Him.

Now, You'll Have To Answer My Questions." "oh, Very Well," Set Said. "i Like Brazil For The World Cup. I'd Advise Investing In Platinum And Small-cap Funds. And Your Lucky Numbers This Week Are 2, 13--" "not Those Questions!" Menshikov Snapped.

So You Can't Live In Manhattan?' She Asked. Amos's Brow Furrowed As He Looked Across At The Empire State Building. 'manhattan Has Other Problems. Other Gods. It's Best We Stay Separate.

Percy," My Father Said, "what Exactly Do You Mean?" "kronos Couldn't Have Risen If It Hadn't Been For A Lot Of Demigods Who Felt Abandoned By Their Parents," I Said. "they Felt Angry, Resentful, And Unloved, And They Had A Good Reason.

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I Was A Fight To The Death, And I Felt Great.

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Now, Come Over Here So I Can Pat You Down." "but You Don't Have-" Percy Stopped. "uh, Sure." He Stood Next To The Armless Statue. Terminus Conducted A Rigorous Mental Pat Down. "you Seem To Be Clean," Terminus Decided. "do You Have Anything To Declare?" "yes," Percy Said. "i Declare That This Is Stupid.

Annabeth Frowned. "that Doesn't Make Sense. But Why Were You Visiting --" Her Eyes Widened. "hermes Said You Bear The Curse Of Achilles. Hestia Said The Same Thing. Did You . . . Did You Bathe In The River Styx?" "don't Change The Subject." "percy! Did You Or Not?" "um . . .maybe A Little.

Aphros Nodded, A Glint Of Pride In His Eyes. “we Have Trained All The Famous Mer-heroes! Name A Famous Mer-hero, And We Have Trained Him Or Her!” “oh, Sure,” Leo Said. “like…um, The Little Mermaid?” Aphros Frowned. “who? No! Like Triton, Glaucus, Weissmuller, And Bill!” “oh. ”leo Had No Idea Who Any Of Those People Were. “you Trained Bill? Impressive.

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Caesar Broke The Law When He Crossed The Rubicon," Frank Said. "great Leaders Have To Think Out Side The Box Sometimes.

For An Absurd Moment, I Wondered If Ammit Devoured The Hearts Of Wicked Cows, And If He Liked The Beefy Taste. - Carter Kane

He Warned Me The Greediest Wishes Cause The Greatest Sorrows.

I Blinked The Sleep Out Of My Eyes And Realized My Head Was In Khufu’s Lap. The Baboon Was Foraging My Scalp For Munchies. “dude.” I Sat Up Groggily. “not Cool.” “but He Gave You A Lovely Hairdo,” Sadie Said. “agh-agh!” Khufu Agreed.

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We Heard The Army Before We Saw It. The Noise Was Like A Cannon Barrage Combined With A Football Stadium Crowd- Like Every Patriots Fan In New England Was Charging Us With Bazookas.

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Nico Started To Crawl Away, Groaning. Percy Wanted Him To Move Faster And Groan Less. He Considered Throwing His Wonder Bread At Him.

You're Alive!" Percy Said To The Others. "the Giants Said You Were Captured. What Happened?" Leo Shrugged. "oh, Just Another Brilliant Plan By Leo Valdez. You'd Be Amazed What You Can Do With An Archimedes Sphere, A Girl Who Can Sense Stuff Underground, And A Weasel." "i Was The Weasel," Frank Said Glumly.

Kronos Would Be 10 Times More Powerful. His Very Presence Would Incinerate You. And Once He Achieves This He Will Empower The Other Titans. They Are Weak, Compared To What They Soon Will Become, Unless You Can Stop Them, The World Will Fall, The Gods Will Die, And I Will Never Achieve A Perfect Score On This Stupid Machine.

It Was Almost Enough To Make Me Turn Vegetarian, Except For The Pesky Fact That I Loved Cheeseburgers.

How Does Galdoila Know About The Reward?" I Asked. "he Reads The Signs," Grover Said. "duh." "of Course," I Said. "silly Me.

No Doubt Carter Would Describe The Underground City In Excruciating Detail, With Exact Measurements Of Each Room, Boring History On Every Statue And Hieroglyph, And Background Notes On The Construction Of The Magical Headquarters Of The House Of Life. I Will Spare You That Pain. It's Big. It's Full Of Magic. It's Underground. There. Sorted.

Deadlines Just Aren't Real To Me Until I'm Staring One In The Face.

Your Destiny Grows Clearer, Jason Grace. When The Choice Comes Again- Storm Or Fire- Remember Me. And Do Not Despair.

I Looked Down At My Clothes. They Were Slashed To Pieces And Full Of Bullet Holes, But I Was Fine. Not A Mark On Me. Nico's Mouth Hung Open. "you Just . . . With A Sword . . . You Just—" "i Think The River Thing Worked," I Said. "oh Gee," He Said Sarcastically. "you Think?

Looking At The Elementary Schoolers In Their Colorful T-shirts From Various Day Camps, Percy Felt A Twinge Of Sadness. He Should Be At Camp Half-blood Right Now, Settling Into His Cabin For The Summer, Teaching Sword-fighting Lessons In The Arena, Playing Pranks On The Other Counselors. These Kids Had No Idea Just How Crazy A Summer Camp Could Be.

This Is Graceland. Home Of The Most Famous Musician In The World.” “michael Jackson Lived Here?” “no, Dummy,” Carter Said. “elvis Presley.

"all Roads Lead There Child. You Should Know That." "detention?"

Just Keep Moving

I Tried To Imagine How Things Could Get Much Worse. The Gods Were In The Midwest Fighting A Huge Monster That Had Almost Defeated Them Once Before. Poseidon Was Under Siege And Losing A War Against The Sea Titan Oceanus. Kronos Was Still Out There Somewhere. Olympus Was Virtually Undefended. The Demigods Of Camp Half-blood Were On Our Own With A Spy In Our Midst. Oh, And According To The Ancient Prophecy, I Was Going To Die When I Turned Sixteen—which Happened To Be In Five Days, The Exact Same Time Typhon Was Supposed To Hit New York. Almost Forgot That.

A Telkhine Was Hunched Over A Console, But He Was So Involved With His Work, He Didn't Notice Us. He Was About Five Feet Tall, With Slick Black Seal Fur And Stubby Little Feet. He Had The Head Of A Doberman, But His Clawed Hands Were Almost Human. He Growled And Muttered As He Tapped On His Keyboard. Maybe He Was Messaging His Friends On Uglyface.com.

Cheers, Carter. At Least You Have The Sense To Hand Me The Microphone For Important Things. Honestly, He Drones On And On About His Plans For The Apocalypse, But He Makes No Plans At All For The School Dance. My Brother's Priorities Are Severely Skewed.

So, Great. This Is Camp…what Do You Call It? Camp Fish-blood?” Aphros Frowned. “i Hope That Was A Joke. This Is Camp __________.” He Made A Sound That Was A Series Of Sonar Pings And Hisses.

It's Hard To Know What [literature] Will End Up Being Timeless And What Will Be Something That Doesn't Translate Into The Future, Especially With The Way We're Evolving Since Our Culture Is Changing So Fast.

Oh, Don't Mind Me! Just The Queen Of The Heavens, Dying Over Here!

Desjardins Was Literally Fuming. His Tattered Robes Still Smoked From Battle. (carter Says I Shouldn’t Mention That His Pink Boxer Shorts Were Showing, But They Were!)

That Was So Completely Unfair That I Told Tantalus To Go Chase A Donut, Which Didn't Help His Mood.

Is Tyson Okay?' I Asked. The Question Seemed To Take My Dad By Surprise. 'he's Fine. Doing Much Better Than I Expected. Though 'peanut Butter' Is A Strange Battle Cry.

For A Moment, Percy Actually Remembered What It Was Like To Be Happy. He Had An Amazing Girlfriend. They Could Have A Future Together.

Poseidon Held Out His Arms And Gave Me A Hug. I Realized, A Little Embarrassed, That I'd Never Actually Hugged My Dad Before. He Was Warm—like A Regular Human—and He Smelled Of A Salty Beach And Fresh Sea Air.

Hey Grover! Thorn's Kidnapping Us! He's A Poisonous Spike-throwing Maniac! Help!

His Lion And Hippo Legs Twitched. I Wondered If Netherworld Monsters Dreamed Of Chasing Rabbits.

You Sure You're Not A Roman, Annabeth? Or An Amazon?

I've Got This." Apollo Stepped Forward. His Fiery Armor Was So Bright It Was Hard To Look At, And His Matching Ray-bans And Perfect Smile Made Him Look Like A Male Model For Battle Gear. "god Of Medicine, At Your Service.

Curled Up At The Base Of The Scales, Fast Asleep, Was The Oddest Monster I'd Seen Yet. It Had The Head Of Crocodile With A Lion's Mane. The Front Half Of Its Body Was A Lion, But The Back End Was Sleek, Brown, And Fat - A Hippo, I Decided. The Odd Bit Was, The Animal Was Tiny - I Mean, No Larger Than An Average Poodle, Which I Suppose Made Him A Hippodoodle.

I Remembered The Myth About Andromeda And How She Had Been Chained To A Rock By Her Own Parents As A Sacrifice To A Sea Monster. Maybe She'd Gotten Too Many F's On Her Report Card Or Something.

But How Do We Even Get To The Land Of The Dead?” I Asked. “i Mean…without Dying.

You're A Demigod Percy, Half God And Half Mortal!

Hi, This Is Ganymede, Cup-bearer To Zeus, And When I'm Out Buying Wine For The Lord Of The Skies, I Always Buckle Up!

Percy, We're Going To Polyphemus' Island! Polyphemus Is An S-i-k...a C-y-k..." She Stamped Her Foot In Frustration. As Smart As She Was, Annabeth Was Dyslexic, Too. We Could've Been There All Night While She Tried To Spell Cyclops. "you Know What I Mean!

A General Never Shows Despair. He Instills Confidence In His Troops. He Leads Them Forward, Even Into The Mouth Of Death.

She’s Pretty,” Zethes Mumbled. “i Mean, She’s Right.

I Play Dodgeball With Cannibals (chapter 2)

Can We Just Call Them Storm Spirits?” Leo Asked. “venti Makes Them Sound Like Evil Espresso Drinks.

Anubis Frowned. He Locked His Very Nice Eyes With Mine. “you’re Not Dead.” “no,” I Said. “though We’re Trying Awfully Hard.

We'de Have To Get In And Get Out The Hard Way; And If We Made A Mistake, There Was No Telling What Sort Of Curse We'de Unleash: Monster Guardians, Plagues, Fires, Exploding Donkeys(don't Laugh; They're Bad News).

Great,” Percy Said. “i Always Wanted To Be Glue.

How Did You Die?" "we Er....drowned In A Bathtub." "all Three Of You?" "it Was A Big Bathtub.

Percy Jackson And The Olympians

Leo Grabbed The Neasrest Thing He Could Find- A Porta-potty Seat- And Threw It At The Face. Leve Me Alone!

I Was Flying Right Toward Him (the Pig) At The Speed Of Demigod-smashing.

I Frowned. “you Mean Set’s Got, Like, Other Evil Gods On Speed Dial?

I Can’t Believe How Much This Place Has Grown,” Hazel Muttered. The Taxi Driver Grinned In The Rearview Mirror. “been A Long Time Since You Visited, Miss?” “about Seventy Years,” Hazel Said. The Driver Slid The Glass Partition Closed And Drove On In Silence.

No!" Amy Said. "dan, You're Lucky It Was Only Concussive. You Could've Wiped Out The Whole Holt Family." "and That Would've Been Bad Because...?

Okay," I Said. "just A Normal Afternoon And Two Normal People." She Nodded. "and So...hypothetically, If These To People Likes Each Other, What Would It Take To Get The Stupid Guy To Kiss The Girl, Huh?" "oh..." I Felt Like One Of Apollo's Sacred Cows-slow, Dumb, And Bright Red. "um.

I Wondered If Olympus Had Gone To A Commercial Break, Or If Our Ratings Had Been Any Good.

We Only Came Close To Dying Six Or Seven Times, Which I Thought Was Pretty Good. Once, I Lost My Grip And Found Myself Dangling By One Hand From A Ledge Fifty Feet Above The Rocky Surf. But I Found Another Handhold And Kept Climbing. A Minute Later Annabeth Hit A Slippery Patch Of Moss And Her Foot Slipped. Fortunately, She Found Something Else To Put It Against. Unfortunately, That Something Was My Face. "sorry," She Murrmured. "s'okay," I Grunted, Though I'd Never Really Wanted To Know What Annabeth's Sneaker Tasted Like.

Fish Ponies! I Put Them On The Ceiling!" -tyson

I Can't Get Through The Year Without Getting Kicked Out Or Blowing Something Up.

Through The Years

Hello!” The Girl In The Blood-red Dress Beamed At Leo. “are You Dionysus?” There Was Only One Answer To That. “yes!” Leo Yelped. “absolutely. I Am Dionysus.

I Stepped Forward. Call Me Old-fashioned, But I Wanted To Keep His Focus On Me And Not Annabeth. I Think It’s Polite For A Guy To Protect His Girlfriend From Instant Incineration.

You Think It's Okay That We're Eating Rudolph?" "dude," Percy Said, "i Could Eat Prancer And Blitzen, Too. I'm Hungry.

If Anybody Felt Worse Than I Did, It Was Amos. I Had Just Enough Magic To Turn Myself Into A Falcon And Him Into A Hamster (hey, I Was Rushed!)

You Never Know!” Neith Snapped. “the Point Is, I’ll Survive The Apocalypse. I Can Live Off The Land!” She Jabbed A Finger At Me. “did You Know The Palm Tree Has Six Different Edible Parts?” “um—” “and I’ll Never Be Bored,” Neith Continued, “since I’m Also The Goddess Of Weaving. I Have Enough Twine For A Millennium Of Macramé!” I Had No Reply, As I Wasn’t Sure What Macramé Was.

Akhlys Lunged At Percy, And For A Split Second He Thought: Well, Hey, I’m Just Smoke. She Can’t Touch Me, Right? He Imagined The Fates Up In Olympus, Laughing At His Wishful Thinking: Lol, Noob!

Either The Kid Was Naturally Hyper Or He Was Hopped Up On Enough Caffeine To Give A Heart Attack To A Water Buffalo.

Brother,” Artemis Chided. “you Do Not Help My Hunters. You Do Not Look At, Talk To, Or Flirt With My Hunters. And You Do Not Call Them Sweetheart.

I Do Like To Wrap Things Up And Leave Some Things To The Readers' Imagination.

Hestia Shook Her Head. "i Am Here Because When All Else Fails, When All The Other Mighty Gods Have Gone Off To War, I Am All That's Left. Home. Hearth. I Am The Last Olympian

I Know You'll Do What's Best For Annabeth." "how Can You Be Sure?" "because She'd Do The Same For You.

No Hero Is Above Fear, Percy. And You Have Risen Above Every Hero. - Poseidon

The Best People Have The Rottenest Luck

So, Yeah. Our Cat Was A Goddess. What Else Is New?

Damien Vesper Didn't Plan On Killing Anyone Today

Like Water Leaking Through A Dam," Said Piper. "yeah," Smiled Percy. "we've Got A Dam Hole." "what?" Piper Asked. "nothing," He Said. "inside Joke.

Ah, Mastery Of The Five Elements!" "is That The One We Want?" I Asked. "no, But A Good One. How To Tame The Five Essential Elements Of The Universe - Earth, Air, Water, Fire, And Cheese!" "cheese?

Percy Tried To Remember. He Really Did. For Some Reason, Annabeth And He Had Visited A Spa And Decided To Destroy It. He Couldn't Imagine Why. Maybe They Hadn't Like The Deep-tissue Massage? Maybe They'd Gotten Bad Manicures?

Monsters Don't Die. They Just Dissipate Into Smoke And Dust, Which Saves Heroes A Lot Of Trouble Cleaning Up After A Fight.

We’re Burning,” Sadie Pointed Out Helpfully. “noticed!” I Yelled Back.

Scrawny? Baby, I Invented Scrawny. Scrawny Is The New Sizzling Hot.

But (peresphone) Was Like, The Goddess Of Flowers." Grover Looked Offended. "springtime.

So What If They Were In Tartarus? So What If They Stood A Slim Chance Of Surviving? He Was So Glad That They Were Together, He Had The Ridiculous Urge To Smile.

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