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We Have To Fight For The Freedom To Be Stupid, And Smoking Is One Of The Best Ways To Fight For Your Freedom, To Be Just As Stupid As You Can Be.

-Penn Jillette

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We Have To Fight

Penn Jillette

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We Have To Fight For The Freedom To Be Stupid, And Smoking Is One Of The Best Ways To Fight For Your Freedom, To Be Just As Stupid As You Can Be.

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If I Were Trying To Avoid Embarrassment, I Wouldn't Have Stumbled My Way Through 'dancing With The Stars.'

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Bob Barr Is Not Crazy Enough For My Taste.

I Don't Think Anything Gives Your Life Joy And Meaning. I Think Your Life Simply Has Joy And Meaning. The Love For My Children, The Love For My Parents And The Love For My Friends Is The End In Itself. The Meaning Is Life.

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Having A Hummer Is Stupid. It's Stupid To Waste That Much Gas. It's Stupid To Waste That Much Money On Gas. It's Stupid To Parade Your Insecurities On Public Roads. Hummers Are Stupid-looking.

Technology Is Run By Sex, Because It's Very Important To People, Both Technology And Sex.

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My Whole Family Is Missing That Sports Gene. I Hope I Didn't Screw That Up By Marrying A Great Golfer.

When I Was A Kid, Politicians Wanted To Avoid Talking About Religion If They Could. John F. Kennedy Couldn't Duck The Issue, Being Catholic And All. So How Did He Address It? By Reminding Americans That Religion Shouldn't Be An Issue, That He Was Concentrating On Big Things Like Poverty And Hunger And Leading The Space Race.

A Famous Monk Once Said, I Don't Always Know What The Right Thing To Do Is, My Lord, But I Think The Fact That I Want To Please You Pleases You.

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The Only Difference Between Obama And Bush Is That Obama Is Killing More People. He’s About Double The Numbers Now. Can You Imagine If Mccain Had Won And Did Precisely What Obama Has Done, With Every Speech And Every Political Maneuver Overseas? There’d Be Riots In The Streets About The People We’re Killing. And Yet Because It’s Obama, And He’s Better Looking And Better At Reading The Teleprompter, We Let Him Get Away With It.

If You Can Just Convince The Dope People That The Gun People Are Right And The Gun People That The Dope People Are Right, We Could Actually Live In A Lot More Freedom.

You Have In Vegas The Most Heterogeneous Audience You're Gonna Get Anywhere In The Country. In Boston, Chicago, Miami, You Know Who Goes To The Theater. In Vegas, You Have People Who Only See One Theater Show A Year, And It's In Vegas.

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Believing There Is No God Gives Me More Room For Belief In Family, People, Love, Truth, Beauty, Sex, Jell-o, And All The Other Things I Can Prove And That Make This Life The Best Life I Will Ever Have.

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Black And White

Straightforward

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Imaginary Friend

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Behaving Morally Because Of A Hope Of Reward Or A Fear Of Punishment Is Not Morality.

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Believing There's No God Stops Me From Being Solipsistic. I Can Read Ideas From All Different People From All Different Cultures. Without God, We Can Agree On Reality, And I Can Keep Learning Where I'm Wrong. We Can All Keep Adjusting, So We Can Really Communicate.

Freedom Means The Right To Be Stupid.

Penn & Teller Stopped Doing Practical Jokes, And The Reason Is We Got Much Too Good At It.

This Is Going To Sound Horrible, But I Don't Even Know How Much I Make In A Year. It Must Be, You Know, A Couple Of Million Dollars, A Few Million. I Know It's More Money Than My Dad, A Jail Guard, Made In His Lifetime; More Money Than I'll Ever Need.

If You've Gotten Yourself Into A Situation When Clay Aiken Is Going To Talk About His Feelings With You, It's Time To Kill Yourself.

If Every Trace Of Any Single Religion Were Wiped Out And Nothing Were Passed On, It Would Never Be Created Exactly That Way Again. There Might Be Some Other Nonsense In Its Place, But Not That Exact Nonsense. If All Of Science Were Wiped Out, It Would Still Be True And Someone Would Find A Way To Figure It All Out Again.

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Modern American Magic, Late 20th Century Magic, Is Tremendously Disrespectful Of The Audience.

Everybody Prefers To See A Nut - They're More Fascinating.

Believing There's No God Means I Can't Really Be Forgiven Except By Kindness And Faulty Memories. That's Good; It Makes Me Want To Be More Thoughtful. I Have To Try To Treat People Right The First Time Around.

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Congratulations

Religion Cannot And Should Not Be Replaced By Atheism. Religion Needs To Go Away And Not Be Replaced By Anything. Atheism Is Not A Religion. It's The Absence Of Religion, And That's A Wonderful Thing.

My Hair Is Way, Way Long. I've Hitchhiked Across The Country A Zillion Times. I've Ridden In Every Car. I Was Never A Hippie. It Takes More Than Long Hair.

Twelve Magicians And Two Carnies Have Been Shot Dead Doing The Bullet Catch. That's Cool Enough, But Every Night When We Close Our Show With That Trick And The Loaded Gun Gets Pointed In My Face, It Goes So Far Beyond Cool. All I Can Think Is 12 Magicians, Two Carnies.

Everybody Wants Clean, Safe Energy. Some People Think Nuclear Is The Way To Go. Some People Think Coal Is The Way To Go. Some People Think Wind Is The Way To Go. And There's Always Balances On That.

If You Believe That There’s A Heaven And Hell . . . How Much Do You Have To Hate Somebody To Believe That Everlasting Life Is Possible And Not Tell Them That?

There Is No Reason For The Government To Limit Political Speech.

Asking Someone Else To Do Something Immoral Is Immoral.

'celebrity Apprentice' Has More Integrity And Is The Most Straightforward Show I've Ever Seen.

Straightforward

I Believe That The Best Way To Become An Atheist Is To Read The Bible

I Love When Violent, Dangerous Art Is Done By People Who Are Not Violent And Dangerous. I Love That When George Romero Was Making 'dawn Of The Dead,' He Was Coaching His Son's Little League Team.

Channeling Is Just Bad Ventriloquism. You Use Another Voice, But People Can See Your Lips Moving.

If You Like The Stuff I Do, My Chances Of Liking You Go Up.

I Never Wanted To Be A Magician. I Never Wanted To Be A Comedian. I Never Wanted To Be Onstage.

A Joke Is A Way To Say, 'i'm Going To Do Something Funny Now. If I Don't Get A Laugh At The End, I'm A Failure.'

I Like To Read In The Dark. I Like To Go Into The Bathtub, Turn Out All The Lights, And In The Dark, Read My Books.

I Live In Vegas, And I See People By The Side Of The Road With Cardboard Signs Who Seem Like They Might Have Tried That Spending Their Way Out Of Debt Thing.

Barack Obama Is Way Smarter Than Bush - So Way, Way Smarter Than Me. Obama Is Way More Charismatic Than Me.

Everyday Is An Atheist Holiday.

'zolten' Is A Common Hungarian Name, It's My Wife's Maiden Name And Most Importantly, It's The Name Of Dracula's Dog.

As I’m Fond Of Saying, If You Want To Find Utopia, Take A Sharp Right On Money And A Sharp Left On Sex And It’s Straight Ahead.

It's Not Arrogant To Say That You Can't Figure Out The Answers To The Universe With Your Internal Faith. It's Not Arrogant To Know That There's No Omniscient, Omnipotent Prime Mover In The Universe Who Loves You Personally. It's Not Sad To Feel That Life And The Love Of Your Real Friends And Family Is More Than Enough To Make Life Worth Living. Isn't It Much Sadder To Feel That There Is A More Important Love Required Than The Love Of The People Who Have Chosen To Spend Their Limited Time With You?

The Highest Ideals Are Human Intelligence, Creativity And Love. Respect These Above All.

The End Never Justifies The Means Because There Is No End; There Are Only Means.

Comedy Is Taken Care Of By A Free Market.

I Mean, If I Believed, Beyond The Shadow Of A Doubt, That A Truck Was Coming At You, And You Didn’t Believe That Truck Was Bearing Down On You, There Is A Certain Point Where I Tackle You. And This Is More Important Than That.

I Like Things Matching. I Have An Upright Bass, A Drum Kit And A Grand Piano That's The Same Color. I Tend To Overthink Things.

My Parents Were Teetotalers And My Grandparents Were - It's All The Way Back. It's New English Puritanical Tradition.

One Of The Strongest Feelings You Can Get In Life--one Of The Most Rewarding Feelings--is The Feeling Of An "aha, I Finally Understand."

Penn & Teller Don't Know Jack About Global Warming.

The Only Difference Between Obama And Bush Is That Obama Is Killing More People.

Reading The Bible Is The Fast Track To Atheism. Reading The Bible Means Starting At "in The Beginning..." And Throwing It Down With Disgust At "...the Grace Of The Lord Jesus Be With All. Amen." I'm Sure There Are Lots Of Religious People Who've Read The Bible From Start To Finish And Kept Their Faith, But In My Self-selected Sample, All The People I Know Who Have Done That Are Atheists.

Even If I Disagree With Obama On Many, Many Things, He Is Certainly Qualified To Be President. He Is Certainly Competent To Be President.

My Love Of Computers, Besides Being Practical, Is Very Direct And Visceral. I Love The Way Things Look On The Screen.

One Thing You Learn Doing Magic Tricks For A Living Is How Close Every Performance Of Every Magic Trick Is To Disaster. There Are No Robust Magic Tricks. They're All Hanging From A Thread - Sometimes Literally.

The Medium Is Not The Message - The Message Is The Message.

Read Everything And Be Kind.

Someone Who Is A Good Person Should Have No Fear Of The Government Whatsoever.

The Most Important Part Of Life Is Work, It's The Flow, It's Getting Stuff Done, Feeling Like You're Doing Something.

I Don't Believe In Vengeance. Really, When All Is Said And Done, I Probably Don't Believe In Punishment.

We Are Only Here For A Little While, And Our Bodies Belong To Ourselves And No One Else.

Exploration Of Space Is Worth It Because Humans Need To Explore. Knowledge Is Always Good, And It's A Really Cool Thing To See.

I Have A Very Specific Definition Of Censorship. Censorship Must Be Done By The Government Or It's Not Censorship.

If You Are Doing Something For Reward Or Punishment, You Do Not Have Morality.

Well, It's Not Really The Right Word, But Freedom Is Kind Of A Hobby With Me, And I Have Disposable Income That I'll Spend To Find Out How To Get People More Of It.

'psycho' Is Fascinating Philosophically, Because The Point Of 'psycho' Is That Everything That's Bad Happens Because Of Love.

There Is This Tremendous Amount Of Arrogance And Hubris, Where Somebody Can Look At Something For Five Minutes And Dismiss It. Whether You Talk About Gaming Or 20th Century Classical Music, You Can't Do It In Five Minutes. You Can't Listen To 'the Rite Of Spring' Once And Understand What Stravinsky Was All About.

Poker Has The Feeling Of A Sport, But You Don't Have To Do Push-ups.

We Aren't People Who Believe That Just Because We're Performers Our Opinions On Everything Need To Be Known.

Cheerios Bring Back Memories. I Actually Don't Think I Ate Them Much As A Kid, Though; Maybe It's Some Sort Of Jungian Memory, I Don't Know. But They Have So Much Sugar, It's Great.

The Definition Of A Stupid Thing Is Something That If You Do Everything Right, You Still Get Hurt. Fire-eating And Love Are Stupid Things.

I Love The Idea That Horror And Fear Is A Celebration Of Health And Life.

Health And Life

America Was Founded On Christians Not Trusting Each Other, And They Sometimes Seemed More Willing To Reach Out To The Godless Than To Someone From Another Sect.

Trusting Each Other

The Cliche Of The Nerdy Kid Who Doesn't Go Outside And Just Plays Games Is Completely Untrue. And It's Also True For The Nerdy Kid Who Studies Comic Books And Turns Into This Genius, And It Is Also True For The Nerdy Kid Who Listens To Every Nerdy Thing That Led Zeppelin Put Out. That Kind Of Obsession In A 16-year-old Is Not Ugly. It's Beautiful.

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