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Twelve Magicians And Two Carnies Have Been Shot Dead Doing The Bullet Catch. That's Cool Enough, But Every Night When We Close Our Show With That Trick And The Loaded Gun Gets Pointed In My Face, It Goes So Far Beyond Cool. All I Can Think Is 12 Magicians, Two Carnies.

-Penn Jillette

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Twelve Magicians And Two

Penn Jillette

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Twelve Magicians And Two Carnies Have Been Shot Dead Doing The Bullet Catch. That's Cool Enough, But Every Night When We Close Our Show With That Trick And The Loaded Gun Gets Pointed In My Face, It Goes So Far Beyond Cool. All I Can Think Is 12 Magicians, Two Carnies.

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The Reason I'm An I.b.m.-type Guy Today Is That I Really Needed A Laptop Back In 1986, And I Just Couldn't Wait For The Powerbook.

If There's Something You Really Want To Believe, That's What You Should Question The Most.

The Medium Is Not The Message - The Message Is The Message.

If Entertainment Ran Grocery Stores, We'd Never Get Oil Cured Olives Or Blue Cheese, It Would Be Just Coke.

I Didn't Learn Fire-eating To Conquer My Fears. I Learned Fire-eating Because I Desperately Wanted To Be In Show Business.

Cheerios Bring Back Memories. I Actually Don't Think I Ate Them Much As A Kid, Though; Maybe It's Some Sort Of Jungian Memory, I Don't Know. But They Have So Much Sugar, It's Great.

The Most Important Part Of Life Is Work, It's The Flow, It's Getting Stuff Done, Feeling Like You're Doing Something.

My Favorite Thing About The Internet Is That You Get To Go Into The Private World Of Real Creeps Without Having To Smell Them.

There Is No Reason For The Government To Limit Political Speech.

I Think The Media Spends A Lot Of Time Fooling Itself.

I Had E-mail In 1984! I Had An E-mail Address Then, Which Means That All You Could Write To Was Steve Jobs And Bill Gates. There Were Three Of Us, Writing To Each Other.

My Parents Were Teetotalers And My Grandparents Were - It's All The Way Back. It's New English Puritanical Tradition.

Believing There's No God Means I Can't Really Be Forgiven Except By Kindness And Faulty Memories. That's Good; It Makes Me Want To Be More Thoughtful. I Have To Try To Treat People Right The First Time Around.

I Never Wanted To Be A Magician. I Never Wanted To Be A Comedian. I Never Wanted To Be Onstage.

I Was Always A Little Embarrassed When There Was An Act On Television That Requires A Great Deal Of Skill But Is A Little Goofy, And The Host Comes Over And Acts Like The Person Doing This Skill Is Some Sort Of Fool For Having Learned To Do Something That's Very, Very Difficult.

I'm Not Greedy. I Have Love, Blue Skies, Rainbows And Hallmark Cards And That Has To Be Enough. It Has To Be Enough, But It's Everything In The World And Everything In The World Is Plenty For Me. It Seems Just Rude To Beg The Invisible For More.

Twelve Magicians And Two Carnies Have Been Shot Dead Doing The Bullet Catch. That's Cool Enough, But Every Night When We Close Our Show With That Trick And The Loaded Gun Gets Pointed In My Face, It Goes So Far Beyond Cool. All I Can Think Is 12 Magicians, Two Carnies.

If I Had To Imagine Omniscient, Omnipresent, Omnipotent Power In The Universe That Chose To Make My Mother Suffer, I Don't Know How I Would Make That Make Sense In The Universe.

My Whole Take On Libertarianism Is Simply That I Don't Know What's Best For Other People.

Every Poker Player Is Smarter Than Me.

Cars Mean Nothing To Me. I'm Not A Car Guy.

You Have Two Choices With Obama. You Either Believe That He Is A Man Of Christ... Or You Think He's A Liar. And I'm Surprised By The Number Of Atheist Free Thinkers That Support Obama, And Their Argument Is Essentially, 'he's Lying About Being Religious 'cause You Have To Do That To Get Elected.' It's A Horrible Reason To Like Somebody.

'celebrity Apprentice' Has More Integrity And Is The Most Straightforward Show I've Ever Seen.

Straightforward

For The Most Part, Any Serious Magic Show Is Not Using Very Much Technology Newer Than Theatrical Lights.

Better To Be Uneducated Than Educated By Your Government.

The Secret Truth Of 'celebrity Apprentice' Is That It Isn't Very Hard... 'celebrity Apprentice' Is Easy Like Junior High Is Easy. All The Arithmetic, The Creative Writing And The History Are Super Simple, But Like Junior High, You Do That Easy Work Surrounded By People Who Are Full-tilt, Hormone-raging Bug Nutty.

If Every Trace Of Any Single Religion Were Wiped Out And Nothing Were Passed On, It Would Never Be Created Exactly That Way Again. There Might Be Some Other Nonsense In Its Place, But Not That Exact Nonsense. If All Of Science Were Wiped Out, It Would Still Be True And Someone Would Find A Way To Figure It All Out Again.

I Have No Evidence That Libertarianism Leads To A Better Life. I Just Think It Is Morally Right.

We Aren't People Who Believe That Just Because We're Performers Our Opinions On Everything Need To Be Known.

You Get No Moral Credit For Forcing Other People To Do What You Think Is Right.

Asking Someone Else To Do Something Immoral Is Immoral.

I've Voted Libertarian As Long As I Can Remember, But I Don't Really Remember Much Before The Clintons And The Bushes. Those Clans Made A Lot Of Us Bugnutty.

I Was About 12 When I Heard My First Lenny Bruce Record. He Was Already Dead. But It Changed My Life And Really Did Change The World.

If You Like The Stuff I Do, My Chances Of Liking You Go Up.

If You Spend A Lot Of Time Lying To People, You Think A Lot About What The Truth Means.

Bacon Is So Good By Itself That To Put It In Any Other Food Is An Admission Of Failure. You're Basically Saying, 'i Can't Make This Other Food Taste Good, So I'll Throw In Bacon.'

In Reality, Many People Let Go Of Religion Later In Life.

You Can't Believe How Pro Gay And Pro Freedom Of Speech I Am. I'm Way Out Beyond Anyone On The Left.

If I Go Out To Dinner With You And You Order Wine, I Leave. I Won't Be Around Drugs And Alcohol At All.

Don't Waste Too Much Time Wishing, Hoping, And Being Envious; It'll Make You Bugnutty.

It's Only The Losers Named Dave That Think Having An Unusual Name Is Bad, And Who Cares What They Think. They're Named Dave.

You Don’t Have To Be Brave Or A Saint, A Martyr, Or Even Very Smart To Be An Atheist. All You Have To Be Able To Say Is “i Don’t Know”.

Everybody Wants Clean, Safe Energy. Some People Think Nuclear Is The Way To Go. Some People Think Coal Is The Way To Go. Some People Think Wind Is The Way To Go. And There's Always Balances On That.

How I Was Brought Up And My Imaginary Friend Means More To Me Than Anything You Can Ever Say Or Do.

Imaginary Friend

I Love The Feeling Of Shredded Wheat. I Love Healthy Bird Food With A Fun-to-eat Feel. Then You Spray Them With Sugar, And I'm There.

Fear Is The Politicians Dance Partner.

The Only Difference Between Obama And Bush Is That Obama Is Killing More People. He’s About Double The Numbers Now. Can You Imagine If Mccain Had Won And Did Precisely What Obama Has Done, With Every Speech And Every Political Maneuver Overseas? There’d Be Riots In The Streets About The People We’re Killing. And Yet Because It’s Obama, And He’s Better Looking And Better At Reading The Teleprompter, We Let Him Get Away With It.

We Knew That We Were Kind Of Odd And Creeps, And We Wanted To Do Odd, Creepy Stuff For People Who Wanted To See That.

Technology Adds Nothing To Art. Two Thousand Years Ago, I Could Tell You A Story, And At Any Point During The Story I Could Stop, And Ask, 'now Do You Want The Hero To Be Kidnapped, Or Not?' But That Would, Of Course, Have Ruined The Story. Part Of The Experience Of Being Entertained Is Sitting Back And Plugging Into Someone Else's Vision.

Trey Parker Did 'book Of Mormon.' It's The Best Broadway Show I've Ever Seen. He Does 'south Park.' It's Wonderful.

If You Believe That There’s A Heaven And Hell . . . How Much Do You Have To Hate Somebody To Believe That Everlasting Life Is Possible And Not Tell Them That?

The Only Difference Between Obama And Bush Is That Obama Is Killing More People.

I Like Things Matching. I Have An Upright Bass, A Drum Kit And A Grand Piano That's The Same Color. I Tend To Overthink Things.

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I Think One Of The Things About Donald Trump That's Interesting Is He Lives In A Rarified Atmosphere Where It's Possible That He Doesn't Get Enough Feedback, Enough People Rolling Their Eyes At Him. It's A Danger More In Show Business Than It Is With Wealth.

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A Two-party System Is Way Too Good For Those Two Parties.

Every Day, Tv, Newspapers, And The Internet Bombard Us With A Message That We're Destroying The Earth. Ice Caps Are Melting, Rivers Are Dying, Polar Bears Are Drowning, And Trees Are Doing Something.

To Drive A Car In Rural America Is Freedom. Before I Had A Car, I'd Never Seen A Rock And Roll Show, I'd Never Seen A Comic Or A Show.

Love And Respect All People. Hate And Destroy All Faith.

Love And Respect

Counterintuitive Actions Prove We Can Trust Real Knowledge And Do The Opposite Of What We Feel Makes Sense.

Penn & Teller Don't Know Jack About Global Warming.

Atheism Is A Religion Like Not Collecting Stamps Is A Hobby.

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The Tea Party Claims To Want Small Government.

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You Have In Vegas The Most Heterogeneous Audience You're Gonna Get Anywhere In The Country. In Boston, Chicago, Miami, You Know Who Goes To The Theater. In Vegas, You Have People Who Only See One Theater Show A Year, And It's In Vegas.

Exploration Of Space Is Worth It Because Humans Need To Explore. Knowledge Is Always Good, And It's A Really Cool Thing To See.

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Well, It's Not Really The Right Word, But Freedom Is Kind Of A Hobby With Me, And I Have Disposable Income That I'll Spend To Find Out How To Get People More Of It.

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If I Were Trying To Avoid Embarrassment, I Wouldn't Have Stumbled My Way Through 'dancing With The Stars.'

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Every Nut Who Kills People Has A Bible Lying Around. If You're Looking For Violent Rape Imagery, The Bible's Right There In Your Hotel Room. If You Just Want To Look Up Ways To Screw People Up, There It Is, And You're Justified Because God Told You To.

Teller And I Worked Renaissance Festivals And Street Performing - Actually More Real, No Kidding Around, Philadelphia Street Performing Than We Did Renaissance Festivals.

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I Intend To Do The Penn & Teller Show Until They Pry My Cheesy Magic Wand From My Cold Dead Fingers.

I Don't Want Anyone As President Who Promises To Take Care Of Me. I May Be Stupid, But I Want A Chance To Try To Be A Grown-up And Take Care Of My Family.

Much Better Than The Feeling Of Having Things Is The Feeling Of Having Earned Things.

Thou Shalt Not Take Anything On Faith

Bob Barr Is Not Crazy Enough For My Taste.

This I Believe: I Believe There Is No God.

There Is No God

Atheism Is The Absence Of Religion. We Don’t Really Need Atheism. We Just Need To Get Rid Of Religion.

I'm Always Surprised When The Corporate World Does Stupid Things, Because They're Often Not Very Stupid In Hindsight.

In My Private Life, I'm Not Around Any Drugs Or Alcohol.

When You're Watching Psycho, There' S That Moment When You Have A Visceral Reaction To Watching Someone Being Stabbed. And Then You Have The Intellectual Revelation That You're Not, And That's Where The Celebration Comes In.

I Am A Huge Fan Of Proselytizing. I Am A Huge Fan Of Speaking Your Mind. The Only Way We Can Share The Universe... Is By Talking Very Strongly About What We Believe.

There's No Job In Show Business That's Harder Than Any Other Job Outside Show Business.

I Came To Magic Absolutely Hating Magic On A Very, Very Deep Level.

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If You Want To Turn Out An Atheist Child, Unconditional Love Constantly Is A Good Way To Do It.

Unconditional Love

I Get Along So Much Better With Fundamentalist Christians Than I Do With Wishy-washy Liberals, Who Want Everyone To Get Along.

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Trusting Each Other

Behaving Morally Because Of A Hope Of Reward Or A Fear Of Punishment Is Not Morality.

Tolerance Is You Saying Something Crazy And Me Smiling And Saying, 'that's Nice.'

Whereas You Have Someone Like Houdini, Who Works Really, Really Hard To Get Really, Really Famous, And Then Has Actual Intellectual Ideas That He Puts Into The Culture That Stay There.

I Don't Think I'm Made Of The Right Stuff To Be A Politician. I Think I'm Made To Be A Loose Cannon.

I Like To Read In The Dark. I Like To Go Into The Bathtub, Turn Out All The Lights, And In The Dark, Read My Books.

Magic Is The Special Olympics Of Entertainment.

Every Nut Who Kills People Has A Bible Lying Around.

The Best Way To Fight The Terrorists Is To Have The Freest Country On Earth. You Should Be Able To Get On An Airplane, And People - That Will Not Possibly Happen Again.

You Don't Have Freedom Unless You Have The Freedom To Do Stupid Self-destructive Things.

Self Destructive

I Have A Very Specific Definition Of Censorship. Censorship Must Be Done By The Government Or It's Not Censorship.

Read Everything And Be Kind.

Technology Adds Nothing To Art.

Channeling Is Just Bad Ventriloquism. You Use Another Voice, But People Can See Your Lips Moving.

Bob Saget Is The Dirtiest Comic Who's Ever Lived. Nobody Touches Him.

There Are Two Things That Have Been True Throughout History In Big Hunks. You Can Find Differences In Ten Years, But In 50 Year Hunks, 100 Years Hunks, You'll Find Two Things To Be True. One, The World Is Always Getting Better. Two, People Always Think It's Getting Worse.

It Is Really Funny To See People That You Know Acting Unpleasantly Just Because There Are Tv Cameras On.

Building A Professional Relationship On Respect As Opposed To Affection Is A Very Good Idea. Running Your Art Projects The Way You'd Run A Dry-cleaning Business Is Also A Really Good Idea. You Shouldn't Go Into Work Like You're Going On A Date, Like You're Hanging Out With Friends.

Religion Cannot And Should Not Be Replaced By Atheism. Religion Needs To Go Away And Not Be Replaced By Anything. Atheism Is Not A Religion. It's The Absence Of Religion, And That's A Wonderful Thing.

A Joke Is A Way To Say, 'i'm Going To Do Something Funny Now. If I Don't Get A Laugh At The End, I'm A Failure.'

I Believe The Fast Track To Atheism Is Reading The Bible. I've Read It Three Times All The Way Through. It's A Big Part Of Our Culture, A Big Part Of Our History. I Don't Just Read Things I Agree With.

Mentally Ill People Come From All Belief Systems.

In My Run-ins With Christians... I Find That They Really Are Good Moral People. And We Overlap On Everything, And They Don't Seem To Be The Kind Of People That Are Waiting To Hear Voices To Tell Them What To Do.

The Word ‘holiday’ Comes From ‘holy Day’ And Holy Means ‘exalted And Worthy Of Complete Devotion.’ By That Definition, All Days Are Holy. Life Is Holy. Atheists Have Joy Every Day Of The Year, Every Holy Day. We Have The Wonder And Glory Of Life. We Have Joy In The World Before The Lord Is Come. We’re Not Going For The Promise Of Life After Death; We’re Celebrating Life Before Death…for Atheists, Everything In The World Is Enough And Every Day Is Holy. Every Day Is An Atheist Holiday. It’s A Day That We’re Alive.

'christian' Used To Be A Throwaway Word. People Didn't Used To Use It Much. People Didn't Start Self-labeling Or Getting Labeled Christian Until The Last Part Of The 20th Century. Before That, You Might Identify As A Baptist, Or A Southern Baptist Or A Methodist. But There Wasn't One Identifier That Put You In A Fold With All The Other Believers.

If You Are Doing Something For Reward Or Punishment, You Do Not Have Morality.

Luck Is Statistics Taken Personally.

The Skills That We Have Are The Actual Magic Skills - Not The Performing Skills. We Have To Separate Those. But The Actual Skills That Make The Tricks Work, We Don't Get To Use Again.

Everybody Prefers To See A Nut - They're More Fascinating.

Someone Who Is A Good Person Should Have No Fear Of The Government Whatsoever.

I Love When Violent, Dangerous Art Is Done By People Who Are Not Violent And Dangerous. I Love That When George Romero Was Making 'dawn Of The Dead,' He Was Coaching His Son's Little League Team.

One Of The Things That Teller And I Are Obsessed With, One Of The Reasons That We're In Magic, Is The Difference Between Fantasy And Reality. That Is The Subject That, If You Have A Brain In Your Head, Is Always Dealt With In Magic. The Smarter The Tricks You're Doing, The More That' S An Important Thing.

God Works In Mysterious, Inefficient, And Breathtakingly Cruel Ways

Mysterious Ways

It's Not Arrogant To Say That You Can't Figure Out The Answers To The Universe With Your Internal Faith. It's Not Arrogant To Know That There's No Omniscient, Omnipotent Prime Mover In The Universe Who Loves You Personally. It's Not Sad To Feel That Life And The Love Of Your Real Friends And Family Is More Than Enough To Make Life Worth Living. Isn't It Much Sadder To Feel That There Is A More Important Love Required Than The Love Of The People Who Have Chosen To Spend Their Limited Time With You?

Direct Confrontation, Direct Conversation Is Real Respect. And It's Amazing How Many People Get That.

It Wasn't Success, Because Teller And I, By The Time Asparagus Valley Got Together - Within A Year, We Had Achieved All Our Goals. I Mean, Our Goal Was To Earn Our Living Doing Exactly What We Wanted. Which Is Many People's Goal.

Congratulations

We Need A President Who Realizes That There's No Government Business In Show Business.

Performers Have The Right To Say What They Want To, And Anyone Paying Money Has The Right To Accept Or Reject The Art And Entertainment That's Available.

Counterintuitive Action Makes A Fellow Feel Smart.

As Much As I Disagreed With Every Second Of 'fahrenheit 9/11,' The Fact That It Is Out Made Me Jump For Joy.

I'm A Hardcore Libertarian - I Want Everything Legal - But I Also Believe That You Have The Right To Free Association.

From 1985 To 1994, I Lived In Manhattan In A Big Old Loft Right Off Times Square. I Could Walk To Work, Which Was In A Couple Of Broadway Theaters, To Howard Stern's Studio, And To 30 Rock For 'letterman' And 'snl.' Even In New York, Walking To Work Is Homey And Folksy, Like Living In A Small Town.

When I Was A Kid, Politicians Wanted To Avoid Talking About Religion If They Could. John F. Kennedy Couldn't Duck The Issue, Being Catholic And All. So How Did He Address It? By Reminding Americans That Religion Shouldn't Be An Issue, That He Was Concentrating On Big Things Like Poverty And Hunger And Leading The Space Race.

I Will Forever Stick Up For Catholics And Christians In General. With A Small Number Of Very Horrible Exceptions, They Do Play By The Rules.

I'm A Big Fan Of Gospel Music, And You Cannot Be A Fan Of Rock And Roll, You Cannot Be A Fan Of Country Western Music, And You Can't Really Be A Fan Of Jazz Without Listening To A Lot Of Music That's Religious.

So Many People Say, ‘you Know, Your Taxes Aren’t Taken By Force,’ And That’s Foolish. If You Don’t Pay Your Taxes And You Don’t Answer The Warrant And You Don’t Go To Court, Eventually Someone Will Pull A Gun. Eventually Someone With A Gun Will Show Up.

I Like Movies That Are Scary, But I Don't Want Them To Be Dirt Dumb. I Want A Movie That Gets My Blood Racing, Makes Me Laugh, But Also Gives Me Something To Think About, With Maybe A Little Sexy Thrown In. Hollywood Doesn't Make Movies Like That.

We Have To Fight For The Freedom To Be Stupid, And Smoking Is One Of The Best Ways To Fight For Your Freedom, To Be Just As Stupid As You Can Be.

'psycho' Is Fascinating Philosophically, Because The Point Of 'psycho' Is That Everything That's Bad Happens Because Of Love.

If There Are Two Things Penn & Teller Stand For, It's The Truth & Lying, Although Not Necessarily In That Order.

When 9/11 Hit, The Second Thing I Said To Myself Was, 'this Really Is What Religious People Do.' Those People Flying The Plane Were Very Good, Very Pious, Truly Faithful Believers. There's No Other Way To Paint Them. Of Course, They Are Extremists By Definition, But They Certainly Aren't Going Against Islam In Any Real Way.

Muslim Extremists

When Someone Is Trying To Interpret Something For You, They Always Have An Agenda.

No One Can Tell You The Rules Of 'celebrity Apprentice.' No One. Donald Trump Just Does What He Wants, Which Is Mostly Pontificating To People Who Are Sucking Up To Him, While The Network People Try To Manipulate Him Into Making The Highest-rated Show They Can.

Everyone's Goals Are The Same With Very Small Differences. I Mean, The Goal Of A Socialist And The Goal Of A Libertarian Are Exactly The Same. The Goals Are Happiness And Security And Freedom, And You Balance Those.

Security And Freedom

The First Amendment Says Nothing About Your Getting Paid For Saying Anything. It Just Says You Can Say It. I Don't Believe That If A Corporation Pulls All The Money Out Of You Or A Network Pulls Their Money Away Or You Get Fired, You're Being Censored.

A Famous Monk Once Said, I Don't Always Know What The Right Thing To Do Is, My Lord, But I Think The Fact That I Want To Please You Pleases You.

The End Never Justifies The Means Because There Is No End; There Are Only Means.

If You Believe That There’s A Heaven And Hell And People Could Be Going To Hell—or Not Getting Eternal Life Or Whatever—and You Think That, Well, It’s Not Really Worth Telling Them This Because It Would Make It Socially Awkward. . . . How Much Do You Have To Hate Somebody To Not Proselytize? How Much Do You Have To Hate Somebody To Believe That Everlasting Life Is Possible And Not Tell Them That?

Juggling Is Very, Very Straightforward; Very, Very Black And White; You're Manipulating Objects, Not People. And That's Always Appealed To Me.

Black And White

Straightforward

The Fact Is That Violence Gives You A Rush.

Never Ascribe To Conspiracy That Which Can Be Attributed To Ignorance.

The Vast Majority Of People Who Have Guns Never Hurt Anybody.

Computers Absolutely Changed My Life. Before I Had A Computer, I Had Never Written One Thing. Not One Thing. I'm A Very Bad Speller And I Was Embarrassed By That. When I Would Type, The Little Mistakes Would Make Me Nutty, And I Would Never Edit Anything.

That Whole 99% Thing, They Are All In The 1% Of The World. Every One Of Them Pays A Cellphone Bill That Is The Yearly Income For A Family In Much Of The Rest Of The World.

Make Deals With People, Not Paper.

I'm Always Fascinated By The Use Of The First-person Plural Talking About Sports.

Penn & Teller Stopped Doing Practical Jokes, And The Reason Is We Got Much Too Good At It.

Comedy Is Taken Care Of By A Free Market.

I Will Not Counter The Insanity Of The Patriot Act With An Overblown Fear Of My Rights Being Taken Away.

We Celebrities Are Desperate Pigs.

I Think That I Am Willing To Risk My Life In Order To Have More Freedom.

The Purpose Of Art Is To Collide The Intellectual And Visceral Together At The Highest Speed Possible.

The Whole World Is Pretending The Breakthrough Is In Technology. The Bottleneck Is Really In Art.

I Love The Idea That Horror And Fear Is A Celebration Of Health And Life.

Health And Life

I've Never Revved My Car At A Light For An Attractive Woman Or An Auto-rival, Not Even As A Joke.

I, My Own Damn Self, Am Not A Tea Party Supporter. I Disagree With Them On Social Liberties, Our Overseas Wars, Obama's Birthplace, Sarah Palin, And The Conspicuous Absence Of Tea At Their Rallies.

The Highest Ideals Are Human Intelligence, Creativity And Love. Respect These Above All.

If You've Gotten Yourself Into A Situation When Clay Aiken Is Going To Talk About His Feelings With You, It's Time To Kill Yourself.

I Started Out As A Juggler, So I Know What It Means To Spend Eight Hours A Day, Seven Days A Week Practicing Something That People Just Dismiss With A Wave Of Hand.

If You Can Just Convince The Dope People That The Gun People Are Right And The Gun People That The Dope People Are Right, We Could Actually Live In A Lot More Freedom.

But It's Much More Exciting To Make Die Hard. One Of The Reasons That I Think That Movie Is So Successful Is It Deals With Those Very Important Blue-collar Relationship Themes. But It's More Visually Beautiful To Show Things Blowing Up. It Just Gives You More On The Screen.

Jay-z, He Knows Precisely Who He's Going For - 14-year-old White Suburban Girls.

A Lot Of Older Parents Worry About Being Older Parents. I Hear People Say, 'i Don't Want To Be Too Old To Play Baseball With My Son.' They Worry That Their Kids Will Be Embarrassed By Their Parents' Age.

Charities Are Really Good. To A Certain Extent, The Ones You Pick Are Arbitrary.

I've Never Had A Drink Of Alcohol Or Any Drug In My Life.

Only Atheists Have Morals, The Religious Have Reward And Punishment. That's Not Morality, That's Sucking Up.

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Freedom Means The Right To Be Stupid.

It's Amazing To Me How Many People Think That Voting To Have The Government Give Poor People Money Is Compassion. Helping Poor And Suffering People Yourself Is Compassion. Voting For Our Government To Use Guns To Give Money To Help Poor And Suffering People Is Immoral, Self-righteous, Bullying Laziness.

When I Was 15, 16, 17 Years Old, I Spent Five Hours A Day Juggling, And I Probably Spent Six Hours A Day Seriously Listening To Music. And If I Were 16 Now, I Would Put That Time Into Playing Video Games.

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