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They Found The Corpse In The Closet Of Alcide's Apartment, And They Hatched A Plan To Hide His Remains." Eric Sounded Like That Had Been Kind Of Cute Of Us. "my Sookie Hid A Corpse?" "i Don't Think You Can Be Too Sure About That Possessive Pronoun." "where Did You Learn That Term, Northman?" "i Took 'english As A Second Language' At A Community College In The Seventies.

-Charlaine Harris

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They Found The Corpse

Charlaine Harris

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They Found The Corpse In The Closet Of Alcide's Apartment, And They Hatched A Plan To Hide His Remains." Eric Sounded Like That Had Been Kind Of Cute Of Us. "my Sookie Hid A Corpse?" "i Don't Think You Can Be Too Sure About That Possessive Pronoun." "where Did You Learn That Term, Northman?" "i Took 'english As A Second Language' At A Community College In The Seventies.

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Do I Look Like I Have Anything ?" I Asked Him, In A Reasonable Voice. He Looked As Unnerved As The Nurse Had. He Said, "sorry," And Backed Away. I Took A Step After Him. I Screamed, "i Have Nothing!" And Then I Said, In A Perfectly Calm Voice, "see, I Never Had Anything To Start With.

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I Freely Admit I Know Nothing About Television Or Writing For The Screen.

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If It's Easy To Be Friendly She Will Be. If The Wind Blows The Other Way Her Friendship Will Be Gone. And I'm Thinking The Wind Is Blowing The Other Way. She Has Found Some Other Way To Be An Important Person In Her Own Right By Hating Others.

There Was Enough Tension In The Room To Send A Fleet Of The Nervous Running For Their Tranquilizers.

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God Bless The American Spectator.

Not A Creature Was Stirring, Not Even An Elf.

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Sookie Stackhouse

This Was An Unpleasant Trend. I Didn’t Want A Lot Of Guys Popping In And Out Of My Bedroom. I Wanted One Who Would Stay.

I Certainly Think We're Going To See More And More Graphic Novels And More Illustrated Novels.

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What Are You, Zen Master Fang?

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A Dog – A Collie – Went Up To Eric, Looked Up At His Face, And Growled. “shoo,” Eric Said, Making An Imperious Gesture With His Hand.

Why Don't They Just Take Him Out?" I Asked. I'm Not Politically Minded, As I Guess You Can Tell. Mr. Cataliades Was Smiling At Me. "so Direct, So Classic," He Said. "so American.

This Must Be The Legendary Yankee Rudeness

Wow," I Said, Since It Was All I Could Think Of To Say. "wow. That's Some Outfit." When You've Got A Big Guy Wearing Lycra It Doesn't Leave A Whole Lot To The Imagination. I Resisted The Temptation To Ask Eric To Turn Around. "i Don't Believe I Could Be Convincing As A Queen," Eric Said, "but I Decided This Sent Such A Mixed Signal, Almost Anything Was Possible." He Fluttered His Eyelashes At Me. Eric Was Definitely Enjoying This. "oh, Yes," I Said, Trying To Find Somewhere Else To Look. (living Dead In Dallas)

‎should We Do This Now?" Pam Gave An Almost Inaudible Snort. She Was Smiling In The Glow Of The Streetlight, Suddenly Exhilarated. "you Waiting For An Engraved Invite?" Lord Save Me From Sarcastic Vampires.

As The Water Pounded On My Back, I Reflected That I Must Be Pretty Simple. It Didn't Take Much To Make Me Happy. A Long Night With A Dead Guy Had Done The Trick.

We Want To Climb In With You,' Dermot Said. 'we'll All Sleep Better.' That Seemed Incredibly Weird And Creepy To Me - Or Maybe I Only Thought It Should Have. I Was Simply Too Tired To Argue. I Climbed In The Bed. Claude Got In On One Side Of Me, Dermot On The Other. Just When I Was Thinking, I Would Never Be Able To Sleep, That This Situation Was Too Odd And Too Wrong, I Felt A Kind Of Blissful Relaxation Roll Through My Body, A Kind Of Unfamiliar Comfort. I Was With Family. I Was With Blood. And I Slept.

Okay I've Been Stupid In The Past. Not Consistently Stupid, But Occasionally Stupid. And I've Made Mistakes. You Bet, I've Made Mistakes.

Then Was Ashamed Of Myself. I Should Be Happy For What I'd Been Given. I Hoped God Hadn't Noticed My Lapse In Appreciation.

Sometimes You Just Have To Regret Things And Move On.

Eric Was Holding My Hands, And I Was Digging My Nails Into Him Like We Were Doing Something Else. He Won't Mind, I Though, As I Realized I'd Drawn Blood. And Sure Enough, He Didn't. "let Go," He Advised Me, And I Loosened My Grip On His Hands. "no, Not Of Me," He Said Smiling. "you Can Hold On To Me As Long As You Want.

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We Might Be On The Same Page, But I Wasn't Happy About Reading It.

I Often Cried When I Got Angry; I Hated That. Crying Just Made You Look Weak, No Matter What Triggered It.

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He Looked Like He'd Just Seen The Ghost Of You Better Shut Your Mouth.

Glass Shattered, Vampires Roared, Humans Screamed. The Noise Battered At Me, Just As The Tidal Wave Of Scores Of Brains At High Gear Washed Over Me. When It Began To Taper Off, I Looked Up Into Eric's Eyes. Incredibly, He Was Excited. He Smiled At Me. "i Knew I'd Get On Top Of You Somehow," He Said. Are You Trying To Make Me Mad So I'll Forget How Scared I Am?" No, I'm Just Opportunistic." I Wiggled, Trying To Get Out From Under Him, And He Said, "oh, Do That Again. It Felt Great.

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It Was Time To Pull My Moral Socks Up And Behave Myself.

I Hate Witches. Humans Had The Right Idea, Burning Them At The Stake.

Finally, I Drew In A Long Breath. It Was Noisy And Painful And Just Heaven.

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Hey, Our Hair's The Same Color," I Said, Eying Us Side By Side In The Mirror. "sure Is, Girlfriend." Eric Grinned At Me.

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Appius Livius Ocella Made Mistakes In His Whole Long Existence. Perhaps Changing Eric Was His Finest Hour. He Created The Perfect Vampire. Eric's Only Flaw Is You.

He Picked Some Unwise Words. Saying, “i’ll Enjoy Killing You For My Lord”, Is Just Not The Way To Make My Acquaintance.

Finally, A Human Man Saw Me As Intensely Valuable. Just My Luck He Was Happily Married And Thought I Was A Freak.

Why Was It Librarians Had Such A Prim Image? With All The Information Available In Books Right There At Their Fingertips, Librarians Could Be The Best-informed People Around. About Anything.

So, On The Whole, I'd Have To Say That No, People Don't Change, But They Can Learn To Behave Differently. I Want To Believe Otherwise. If You Have An Argument That Says I'm Wrong, I'd Be Glad To Hear It.

He Pulled My Coat Off My Shoulders, Looked At It With Distaste, Hung It On The Back Of One Of The Chairs Pushed In Under The Kitchen Table. "you Are Beautiful". No One Had Ever Looked Me In The Eyes And Said That. Eric To Sookie, Page 208.

Ha," I Said. "oh, Ha-ha. Yeah, ’cause They Love Me. You See How Many Vampires Are Up Here? Zero, Right?" One," Said Eric, Stepping Out Of The Stairwell.

Better To Be Screwed Physically Than Financially.

Most Humans Were On One Big Island, To The Fairies, And That Island Was Adrift On A Sea Called I Totally Don’t Care.

A Year Ago,' I Said, 'you Wouldn’t Have Asked This Of Me.' 'a Year Ago,' He Answered, 'you Wouldn’t Have Hesitated To Drink.' I Crossed To The Desk And Tossed It Down.

I Stroked Eric's Hair, Tucking Some Behind His Ear. His Eyes On Mine Were Intent, And I Knew He Was Waiting For Me To Speak. "i Wish," I Said, "i Could Save Orgasms In A Jar For When I Need Them, Because I Think I Had A Few Extra." Eric's Eyes Widened, And All Of A Sudden He Roared With Laughter. (dead To The World)

I Was Surprised To Find Out There Was A Direct Line From My Palm To My, My, Hootchie.

The Fundamentalists Were Equally Stymied. “we Were Worried About Adam And Steve,” A Baptist Minister Said. “should We Have Been More Worried About Rover And Fluffy?

As Exits Go, That's A Good One." It Was Pretty Hard To Have The Last Word With A Vampire.

All The Pictures On The Walls, They All White As Lilies And Smiling Like Alligators.

Just Because One Of Arlene's Husbands Was A Murderer Is No Reason For Me To Be Ugly

Something Always Turns Up. It Always Seems Darkest Before The Dawn. When God Closes A Door He Opens A Window. All Things Happen For A Reason. Into Every Life A Little Rain Must Fall. What Doesn't Kill Us Makes Us Stronger.

My Brother, Jason, Came Into The Bar, Then, And Sauntered Over To Give Me A Hug. He Knows That Women Like A Man Who's Good To His Family And Also Kind To The Disabled, So Hugging Me Is A Double Whammy Of Recommendation.

Well In Two Months, It'd Be Sunbathing Time. That Made Me Smile. I Enjoyed Lying In The Sun In A Little Bikini, Timing Myself Carefully So I Didn't Burn. I Loved The Smell Of Coconut Oil. And I Don't Want To Hear Any Lectures About How Bad Tanning Is For You. That's My Vice. Everybody Gets One.

I Added To My Mental List Of The Odd Things I'd Done That Day. I'd Entertained The Police, Sunbathed, Visited At A Mall With Some Fairies, Weeded And Killed Someone. Now It Was Powdered-corpse Removal Time. And The Day Wasn't Over Yet.

Angelic Sookie, Vision Of Love And Beauty, I Am Prostrate That The Wicked Evil Maenad Violated Your Smooth And Voluptuous Body, In An Attempt To Deliver A Message To Me. -eric

It's Probably A Bad Indicator Of Your Lifestyle When You Miss Your Ex-boyfriend Because He's Absolutely Lethal.

I Love Him," I Said, But Even To My Own Ears I Didn't Sound Happy About It.

You've Reached Fantasia, Where The Undead Live Again Every Night," "for Bar Hours, Press One. To Make A Party Reservation, Press Two. To Talk To Alive Person Or A Dead Vampire, Press Three. Or, If You Were Intending To Leave A Humorous Prank Message On Our Answering Machine, Know This: We Will Find You.

As I Climbed Up Into The High Old Bed, The Large Fly In My Personal Ointment Did The Same. Had I Actually Told Him He Could Get In Bed With Me? Well, I Decided, As I Wriggled Down Under The Soft Old Sheets And The Blanket And The Comforter, If Eric Had Designs On Me, I Was Just Too Tired To Care. "woman?" "hmmm?" "what's Your Name?" "sookie. Sookie Stackhouse." "thank You, Sookie." "welcome, Eric.

Eric Followed Vlad Tepes’s Stubby Finger, Identifying Me As The Future Happy Meal. Then He Stared At Dracula, Looking Up From His Kneeling Position. I Couldn’t Read His Face At All, And I Felt A Stirring Of Fear. What Would Charlie Brown Have Done If The Great Pumpkin Wanted To Eat The Little Red-haired Girl?

I've Often Wished When I Started A Book I Knew What Was Going To Happen. I Talked To Writers Who Write 80-page Outlines, And I'm Just In Awe Of That.

She Killed Lorena In A Fight?" Eric's Grin Grew Even Broader. He Was As Proud As If He'd Heard His Firstborn Reciting Shakespeare.

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And By Golly, Love Sure Was A Battlefield. Benatar Was Right About That.

I Could Add Her To The Long List Of People I Didn't Understand.

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When You've Been Really Beaten, You Realize That You Are Just An Envelope Of Skin, An Easily Penetrated Envelope That Holds Together A Lot Of Fluids And Some Rigid Structures, Which In Their Turn Can Simply Be Broken And Invaded.

You Have To Play It Out Sometimes.

It’s Called Two And A Half Men,” Dermot Was Telling His Guest. “i Understand,” Bellenos Said. “because The Two Brothers Are Grown, And The Son Isn’t.” “i Think So,” Dermot Said. “don’t You Think The Son Is Useless?” “the Half? Yes. At Home, We’d Eat Him,” Bellenos Said.

Okay," I Said. "i'd Hoped To Avoid This, But... Bill, I Rescind Your Invitation Into My House." Bill Began Walking Backward To The Door, A Helpless Look On His Face, And My Brush Still In His Hand. Eric Grinned At Him Triumphantly. "eric," I Said, And His Smile Faded. "i Rescind Your Invitation Into My House." And Backward He Went, Out My Door And Off My Porch. The Door Slammed Shut Behind (or Maybe In Front Of?) Them.

The Sweetest Part Of Being A Couple Is Sharing Your Life With Someone Else. But My Life, Evidently, Had Not Been Good Enough To Share.

Vampires Should Never Say Uh-oh!!

I Didn't Know What To Think About First: Me Seeing Claude Naked, Claude Seeing Me Naked, Or The Whole Fact That We Were Related And Naked In The Same Room. (sookie Stackhouse, Dead In The Family)

Vampires. They Wrote The Book On Possessive.

You Won't Find A Vampire In A Ford Fiesta

It's A Sad Comment On Humans That None Of Them Are Tolerable To One Who Can Read Their Minds

Eric Moved The Broom Experimentally And Made An Attempt To Sweep The Glass Into The Pan While It Lay In The Middle Of The Floor. Of Course, The Pan Slid Away. Eric Scowled. I'd Finally Found Something Eric Did Poorly.

I Could Tell Hugo Was Convinced That He Would Get To Walk Back Up These Stairs: After All, He Was A Civilized Person. These Were All Civilized People. Hugo Really Couldn't Imagine That Anything Irreparable Could Happen To Him, Because He Was A Middle-class White American With A College Education, As Were All The People On The Stairs With Us. I Had No Such Conviction. I Was Not A Wholly Civilized Person.

Eric,” She Said, “maybe Someday One Of The Waitresses Will Get Pregnant, And We Can Go To A Baby Shower!” “that Would Be Something To See,” Said Eric

People Fidget. They Are Compelled To Look Engaged In An Activity, Or Purposeful. Vampires Can Just Occupy Space Without Feeling Obliged To Justify It.

Of Course I Am Grateful, And I'm Sure You Are, As You Put It, A Special Vintage," Bill Said Politely, "but I Have My Own Wine Cellar.

I Was Momentarily Sidetracked By The Vision Of Eric Herding A Cow Into A Trailer And Driving It To The Shoulder Of The The Interstate And Shooing It Into The Trees.

Self-pity Is Like Chocolate; As You Get Older, You Can Only Afford A Little Bit.

Come On, Lover, Let's Have A Look," Eric Said, Giving Me A Quick Kiss. He Jumped Off The Back Porch With Me Still Attached To Him—like A Large Barnacle

Pam Said, "sookie, I Brought You Something, Too. I Never Thought I'd Want To Spend Time With A Human, But You're More Tolerable Than Most.

Well, That's Certainly... Adequate," I Told Him, Burying My Face In His Chest. I Knew Immediately I'd Picked The Wrong Word. "adequate?" He Took My Hand, Placed It On The Part In Question. It Immediately Began To Stir. He Moved My Hand On It, And I Obligingly Circled It With My Fingers. "this Is Adequate?" "maybe I Should Have Said It's A Gracious Plenty?" "a Gracious Plenty. I Like That," He Said.

How Is Eric?' 'very Tightly Wound. Plus, A Lot Of Stuff Happened That He'll Tell You About.' 'thanks For The Warning. I'll Go To The House Now. You're My Favorite Breather.' 'oh. Well ... Great.' She Hung Up.

My Eyes Flew Open, And I Pushed Back Against Rock-hard Shoulders. I Let Out A Little Squeak Of Horror. "it's Me," Said A Familiar Voice. ..."eric, What Are You Doing Here?" "snuggling.

I Drank Lots Of Water And Orange Juice And Took A Multivitamin And Iron Supplement For Breakfast, Which Was My Regimen Since Bill Had Come Into My Life And Brought (along With Love, Adventure, And Excitement) The Constant Threat Of Anemia.

My Gran Had Always Told Me That A Woman--any Woman Worth Her Salt--could Do Whatever She Had To.

Jason's Favorite Person In The Entire Universe Was Jason Stackhouse.

Favorite Person

If This Was The Lord Of The Rings And I Had A Smart British Voice Like Cate Blanchett, I Could Tell You The Background Of The Events Of That Fall In A Really Suspenseful Way. And You’d Be Straining To Hear The Rest.

When I Thought Of Eric With Someone Else, I Wanted To Rip Out All His Beautiful Blonde Hair. By The Roots. In Clumps.

His Eyes Were Still Like Caves With Ghosts Dwelling In Their Depths.

Here’s To Books, The Cheapest Vacation You Can Buy.

Life Should Imitate Romance Literature Far More Often.

Jb’s Mother Had Taught Him Early On That Appreciated Women Are Happy Women.

My Bullshit Meter Is Reading That As 'false'.

In The World I Lived In, The World Of Human People, There Were Ties And Debts And Consequences And Good Deeds. That Was What Bound People To Society; Maybe That Was What Constituted Society. And I Tried To Live In My Little Niche In It The Best Way I Could.

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