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My Mother Finally Took Me To A Child Psychologist, Who Knew Exactly What I Was, But She Just Couldn’t Accept It And Kept Trying To Tell My Folks I Was Reading Their Body Language And Was Very Observant, So I Had Good Reason To Imagine I Heard People’s Thoughts. Of Course, She Couldn’t Admit I Was Literally Hearing People’s Thoughts Because That Just Didn’t Fit Into Her World.

-Charlaine Harris

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My Mother Finally Took

Charlaine Harris

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My Mother Finally Took Me To A Child Psychologist, Who Knew Exactly What I Was, But She Just Couldn’t Accept It And Kept Trying To Tell My Folks I Was Reading Their Body Language And Was Very Observant, So I Had Good Reason To Imagine I Heard People’s Thoughts. Of Course, She Couldn’t Admit I Was Literally Hearing People’s Thoughts Because That Just Didn’t Fit Into Her World.

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By The Way, I Haven't Heard An 'i'm Sorry' From You Yet." My Sense Of Grievance Had Overwhelmed My Sense Of Self-preservation. I Am Sorry That The Maenad Picked On You." I Glared At Him. "not Enough," I Said. I Was Trying Hard To Hang On To This Conversation. Angelic Sookie, Vision Of Love And Beauty, I Am Prostrate That The Wicked Evil Maenad Violated Your Smooth And Voluptuous Body, In An Attempt To Deliver A Message To Me." That's More Like It.

Did You Ever Think That If You Told Me Where Bill's Hiding His Computer Program, I Would Give You Anything You Asked For?" - Eric, Club Dead.

Should I Just Bite You, And End It All?", He Whispered. "i Would Never Have To Think About You Again. Thinking About You Is An Annoying Habit And One I Want To Be Rid Of.

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Softie Was Not A Word You Could Use In The Same Sentence As Eric.

And Since I’m Going To Be In The Neighborhood, You Thought I Might Do As An Escort? To An Orgy?

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The Security Light Made Me Feel Safe, Though I Knew That Was An Illusion. If There's Light, You Can Just See What's Coming For You A Little More Clearly.

I Want To Be First. I Know That’s Selfish, And Maybe Unattainable, And Maybe Shallow. But I Just Want To Come First With Someone. If That’s Wrong Of Me, So Be It. I’ll Be Wrong. But That’s The Way I Feel.” (sookie Stackhouse)

Glass Shattered, Vampires Roared, Humans Screamed. The Noise Battered At Me, Just As The Tidal Wave Of Scores Of Brains At High Gear Washed Over Me. When It Began To Taper Off, I Looked Up Into Eric's Eyes. Incredibly, He Was Excited. He Smiled At Me. "i Knew I'd Get On Top Of You Somehow," He Said. Are You Trying To Make Me Mad So I'll Forget How Scared I Am?" No, I'm Just Opportunistic." I Wiggled, Trying To Get Out From Under Him, And He Said, "oh, Do That Again. It Felt Great.

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His Eyes Were Still Like Caves With Ghosts Dwelling In Their Depths.

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Pam: "claude, The Mouthwateringly Beautiful Asshole?

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Leave The Girl Alone, Clete, And Let's Get Back On The Road," The Tall Driver Said, And His Voice Had That "i'm Done With You" Edge To It. "i Don't Know Who This Guy Is, But I Don't Think He Changes Into A Nutria.

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The Average Woman Would Not Be Pondering How Fast Her Date Could Kill Her, But I’ll Never Be An Average Woman.

I'd Been Blindsided With The Most Painful Knowledge: The First Man To Ever Say He Loved Me Had Never Loved Me At All. His Passion Had Been Artificial. His Pursuit Of Me Had Been Choreographed.

"come On," I Said, Taking His Hand. Clutching The Afghan With The Other Hand, He Trailed Down The Hall After Me, A Snow White Giant In Tiny Red Underwear.

Episcopalians Are Pretty Thin On The Ground In The Central United States.

Coffe Is The Perfume Of Morning.

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Jb’s Mother Had Taught Him Early On That Appreciated Women Are Happy Women.

...but Also Because I Find I Really Do…" He Paused, As If He Were About To Say Something Outrageous. "i Find I Have Feelings For You." "oh," I Said Into His Chest, Sounding As Astonished As Eric Had(...)"eric," I Said, After A Long Pause, "i Almost Hate To Say This, But I Have Feelings For You, Too.

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I Was Surprised To Find Out There Was A Direct Line From My Palm To My, My, Hootchie.

Jason's Favorite Person In The Entire Universe Was Jason Stackhouse.

Favorite Person

Eric Followed Vlad Tepes’s Stubby Finger, Identifying Me As The Future Happy Meal. Then He Stared At Dracula, Looking Up From His Kneeling Position. I Couldn’t Read His Face At All, And I Felt A Stirring Of Fear. What Would Charlie Brown Have Done If The Great Pumpkin Wanted To Eat The Little Red-haired Girl?

There's Not Much I Dislike More Than Being Addressed As "hey You" And Being Poked With A Finger.

As Exits Go, That's A Good One." It Was Pretty Hard To Have The Last Word With A Vampire.

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The Night Swelled With Magic; Not The Beneficent Kind Of Love-magic That Sweeps Couples Away, But The Kind Of Magic That Rips And Tears, The Enchantment That Creeps Out Of The Woods And Pounces.

Everyone Thinks I'm Crazy, You Know, Because I Can't Tell Them The Truth; Which Is, That I'm Driven Crazy By All These Thoughts, All These Heads.

The Fundamentalists Were Equally Stymied. “we Were Worried About Adam And Steve,” A Baptist Minister Said. “should We Have Been More Worried About Rover And Fluffy?

Oh Come On Pam, They're Funny. They're Like Humans But Miniature...tea Cup Humans!

People Fidget. They Are Compelled To Look Engaged In An Activity, Or Purposeful. Vampires Can Just Occupy Space Without Feeling Obliged To Justify It.

I Would've Asked Him To Bring A Shovel And Come To Help Me Dig A Body Up. That Was What A Boyfriend Should Do, Right?" -sookie Stackhouse

Life Had Sure Been Simpler When I Hadn't Dated.

Ha," I Said. "oh, Ha-ha. Yeah, ’cause They Love Me. You See How Many Vampires Are Up Here? Zero, Right?" One," Said Eric, Stepping Out Of The Stairwell.

The World Seemed A Bad And Terrible Place, All Its Denizens Suspect, And I The Lamb Wandering Through The Valley Of Death With A Bell Around My Neck.

Oh, God, Puppy Dog Eyes. From A Six-foot-five Ancient Viking Vampire.

Of Course I Am Grateful, And I'm Sure You Are, As You Put It, A Special Vintage," Bill Said Politely, "but I Have My Own Wine Cellar.

The Sookie Stackhouse Novels Were Selling Well Before The Tv Show, But The Tv Show Led To A Lot More Exposure And Readers. And A Lot Went On To Read My Other Work. It Was A Wonderful Thing For My Bank Account.

Finally, I Drew In A Long Breath. It Was Noisy And Painful And Just Heaven.

Better To Be Screwed Physically Than Financially.

We Want To Climb In With You,' Dermot Said. 'we'll All Sleep Better.' That Seemed Incredibly Weird And Creepy To Me - Or Maybe I Only Thought It Should Have. I Was Simply Too Tired To Argue. I Climbed In The Bed. Claude Got In On One Side Of Me, Dermot On The Other. Just When I Was Thinking, I Would Never Be Able To Sleep, That This Situation Was Too Odd And Too Wrong, I Felt A Kind Of Blissful Relaxation Roll Through My Body, A Kind Of Unfamiliar Comfort. I Was With Family. I Was With Blood. And I Slept.

Sookie: Is Eric Around?" Pam: "he Is Enthralling The Vermin.

I Don't Like Having Feelings," Eric Said Coldly, And He Left. That Was A Tough Exit Line To Top.

The Last Time I Wore An Animal Hide; But This Time I Settled For This." Eric Had Been Wearing A Long Trench Coat. Now He Threw It Off Dramatically, And I Could Only Stand And Stare. Normally, Eric Was A Blue-jeans-and-t-shirt Kind Of Guy. Tonight, He Wore A Pink Tank Top And Lycra Leggings[...]they Were Pink And Aqua, Like The Swirls Down The Side Of Jason's Truck.

It's A Sad Comment On Humans That None Of Them Are Tolerable To One Who Can Read Their Minds

I Freely Admit I Know Nothing About Television Or Writing For The Screen.

May I Search It?" She Asked. "we Screen For Weapons." I Stared At Her, Always A Risky Thing To Do To A Vampire. "of Course Not. I Have No Weapons.

I Thought About Making Biscuits, But There Seemed To Be More Than Enough Calories On Board.

I Am Self-educated From Genre Books.

I Had Two Cups Of Coffee, Put Eric's Jeans In The Washer, Read A Romance For Awhile, And Studied My Brand-new Word Of The Day Calendar, A Christmas Gift From Arlene. My First Word Of The New Year Was 'exsanguinate.' This Was Probably Not A Good Omen.

Eric Was Incensed, To Use A Good Entry From My Word Of The Day Calender. In Fact His Eyes Were Almost Throwing Sparks He Was So Angry. "this Woman Has Been Mine, And She Will Be Mine" He Said In Tones So Definite I Thought About Checking My Rear End For A Brand.

I Don't Write The Kind Of 'happily Ever After' That Romance Readers Enjoy.

Most Humans Were On One Big Island, To The Fairies, And That Island Was Adrift On A Sea Called I Totally Don’t Care.

For Awhile I Taped Soap Operas And Watched Them At Night When I Thought I Might Be Forgetting What It Was Like To Be Human. After A While I Stopped, Because From The Examples I Saw On Those Shows, Forgetting Humanity Was A Good Thing.

Look, How Come He Showed Up Now? When You Have Other Fairies In The Woods? And Does That Sound Crazy When You Say It Out Loud, Or What?

Here’s To Books, The Cheapest Vacation You Can Buy.

Sookie, My Little Bullet-sucker" Eric, My Big Bullshitter

I Wish," I Said. "i Could Save Orgasms In A Jar For When I Need Them, Because I Think I Have A Few Extra.

It Was Like Being Around A Particularly Irritating Two-year-old.

Maybe She Was Being So Hoity-toity Because She Didn't Have Her Own Fairy Godmother.

Fairy Godmother

I Have Lived One Step Away From Losing My Mind For Years. I Am Quick And Accurate In Spotting Unstable Streaks In Others.

We Might Be On The Same Page, But I Wasn't Happy About Reading It.

You Trust Me?" Eric Sounded Surprised. "yes." "that's . . . Crazy, Sookie.

Angelic Sookie, Vision Of Love And Beauty, I Am Prostrate That The Wicked Evil Maenad Violated Your Smooth And Voluptuous Body, In An Attempt To Deliver A Message To Me. -eric

I Am A Woman, Hear Me Roar," I Said. Gosh, What Prompted That?" Amelia Asked, And I Jumped

My Bodyguard Was Mowing The Lawn In A Pink Bikini When The Body Fell From The Sky.

Hoyt Was By Himself Right Under One Of The Portable Lights Rigged Up For The Occasion. He Had His Hands Thrust In His Pockets, And He Looked More Serious Than I’d Ever Seen Him. There Was Something Strange About The Sight, And After A Second I Figured Out Why. It Was One Of The Few Times I’d Ever Seen Hoyt Alone.

People Are Really Interested In The Concept Of Eternal Youth In This Plastic-surgery Culture.

I So Seldom Had To Dispose Of A Human Body Myself, I Was At A Loss. Fairies Turned Into Dust, And Vampires Flaked Away. Demons Had To Be Burned. Humans Were Very Troublesome.

You Can Hold On To Me For As Long As You Want. Let Go Of The Pain, Sookie". - Eric, Club Dead.

If I Have To Choose Between You And Me - I Like Me Better.

Between You And Me

There Was Enough Tension In The Room To Send A Fleet Of The Nervous Running For Their Tranquilizers.

He Managed To Convey Indifference, Contempt, And Boredom In The One Word.

And By Golly, Love Sure Was A Battlefield. Benatar Was Right About That.

Could I Tell Them I Was Sorry Their Loved One Was Dead, When He’d Tried To Kill Me? There Was No Rule Of Etiquette For This; Even My Grandmother Would Have Been Stymied.

You Might Have Been Paid Back Enough To Suit You" I Said, "but I Don't Know If You've Been Paid Back Enough To Suit Me.

I'm Supposed To Be A Christian, But Most Days I Don't Feel Like I Can Even Presume To Say That About Myself Any Longer. I Have A Lot Of Mad Left Over. When I Can't Sleep, I Think About The Other People Who Didn't Care How Much Pain And Trouble They Caused Me. And I Think About How Good I'd Feel If They Died.

Only A Group Lack Of Imagination Could Account For People Not Wondering What Went On In The Dark Around Them.

I Had Never Seen So Many Cute Men In One Place In My Life. But I Could Tell They Were Not For Me. Russell Was Like The Gay Vampire Hugh Hefner, And This Was The Playboy Mansion, With An Emphasis On The "boy.

If I Quit Having Fun, Then It's Time For Me To Quit Working.

Eric, What Are You Doing?" "snuggling." "get Out Of My Bed!" -sookie Stackhouse, Eric Northman

A Piece Of Happiness Should Never Be Taken As Due.

But There's A Juicy Artery In Your Groin," He Said After A Pause To Regroup, His Voice As Slithery As A Snake On A Slide. "don't You Talk Dirty," I Told Him. "i Won't Listen To That.

I Realized That I Was Really Tired Of People Popping On And Off Of My Property Like It Was A Train Station On The Supernatural Railroad.

Eric,” She Said, “maybe Someday One Of The Waitresses Will Get Pregnant, And We Can Go To A Baby Shower!” “that Would Be Something To See,” Said Eric

If It Pleases You And You Can Write At All, It's Gonna Please Somebody Else.

It Was Time To Pull My Moral Socks Up And Behave Myself.

Don’t Go Looking For Trouble; It’s Already Looking For You.

My Favorite Fantasy? You Come Down Into My Daytime Resting Place Stark Naked," He Said, And I Could See The Gleam Of His Teeth As He Smiled. "oh, Wait," Bill Said. "that's Already Happened.

Hey, Our Hair's The Same Color," I Said, Eying Us Side By Side In The Mirror. "sure Is, Girlfriend." Eric Grinned At Me.

This Was An Unpleasant Trend. I Didn’t Want A Lot Of Guys Popping In And Out Of My Bedroom. I Wanted One Who Would Stay.

I Have A Big Hole In My Heart," I Said. "but It'll Close Over." I Don't Want To Sound All Dr. Phil," She Said. "but Don't Let The Scab Seal The Pain In, Okay?" That's Good Advice," I Said. "i Hope I Can Manage It.

God Bless The American Spectator.

(sookie's Thoughts On Debbie Pelt) She Had Been Cruel To Alcide, Insulted Me Grievously, Burned A Hole In My Favorite Wrap And—oh—tried To Kill Me By Proxy. Also, She Had Stupid Hair.

It’s Called Two And A Half Men,” Dermot Was Telling His Guest. “i Understand,” Bellenos Said. “because The Two Brothers Are Grown, And The Son Isn’t.” “i Think So,” Dermot Said. “don’t You Think The Son Is Useless?” “the Half? Yes. At Home, We’d Eat Him,” Bellenos Said.

You Have To Play It Out Sometimes.

He Picked Some Unwise Words. Saying, “i’ll Enjoy Killing You For My Lord”, Is Just Not The Way To Make My Acquaintance.

"i'm Hoping That The More You See Me, The More I'll Grow On You." "like A Fungus?

Sookie Stackhouse

He Looked Like He'd Just Seen The Ghost Of You Better Shut Your Mouth.

I Added To My Mental List Of The Odd Things I'd Done That Day. I'd Entertained The Police, Sunbathed, Visited At A Mall With Some Fairies, Weeded And Killed Someone. Now It Was Powdered-corpse Removal Time. And The Day Wasn't Over Yet.

So, On The Whole, I'd Have To Say That No, People Don't Change, But They Can Learn To Behave Differently. I Want To Believe Otherwise. If You Have An Argument That Says I'm Wrong, I'd Be Glad To Hear It.

As It Was, I Couldn't Escape The Feeling That I Was Out Of My Element. I Found Myself Thinking Of A Book I'd Left Half-read At Home And Wishing I'd Stuck It In My Purse So I Could Pull It Out Now.

My Mother Finally Took Me To A Child Psychologist, Who Knew Exactly What I Was, But She Just Couldn’t Accept It And Kept Trying To Tell My Folks I Was Reading Their Body Language And Was Very Observant, So I Had Good Reason To Imagine I Heard People’s Thoughts. Of Course, She Couldn’t Admit I Was Literally Hearing People’s Thoughts Because That Just Didn’t Fit Into Her World.

Life Should Imitate Romance Literature Far More Often.

When You're A Professional You Do Your Job No Matter What Gets In The Way. You Might Take A Sick Day, You Might Take A Personal Day, But Then You Show Back Up Or You Won't Get Paid. Everyone Develops His/her Own Strategy For Dealing With Days That Are Not Productive.

It Wasn't Often You Ran Into Bondage/elvis/whorehouse-themed Vampire Club

Sometimes, Instead Of Going Down The Road Less Taken, You Just Charge Down The Beaten Path.

You Catch More Flies With Honey Than You Do With Vinegar.

Anyone Got X-ray Visión?i Asked, Trying To Smile. Where Is Superman When You Need Him?

Appius Livius Ocella Made Mistakes In His Whole Long Existence. Perhaps Changing Eric Was His Finest Hour. He Created The Perfect Vampire. Eric's Only Flaw Is You.

Oklahoma Is Very Beautiful, And Eric Loves Beauty, But He Already Has That In You.

As I Watched Bill, Waiting With Apparent Calm For Death To Come To Him, I Had A Flash Of Him As I'd Known Him: The First Vampire I'd Ever Met, The First Man I'd Ever Gone To Bed With, The First Suitor I'd Ever Loved. Everything That Followed Had Tainted Those Memories, But For One Moment I Saw Him Clearly, And I Loved Him Again.

I Was Momentarily Sidetracked By The Vision Of Eric Herding A Cow Into A Trailer And Driving It To The Shoulder Of The The Interstate And Shooing It Into The Trees.

I Drank Lots Of Water And Orange Juice And Took A Multivitamin And Iron Supplement For Breakfast, Which Was My Regimen Since Bill Had Come Into My Life And Brought (along With Love, Adventure, And Excitement) The Constant Threat Of Anemia.

Self-pity Is Like Chocolate; As You Get Older, You Can Only Afford A Little Bit.

He Managed To Convey Indifference, Contempt, And Boredom In The One Word.

Do I Look Like I Have Anything ?" I Asked Him, In A Reasonable Voice. He Looked As Unnerved As The Nurse Had. He Said, "sorry," And Backed Away. I Took A Step After Him. I Screamed, "i Have Nothing!" And Then I Said, In A Perfectly Calm Voice, "see, I Never Had Anything To Start With.

If This Were The Fifties, She’d Be Checking Sam’s Collars For Lipstick Stains. (did People Do That Anymore? Why Did Women Kiss Collars, Anyway? Besides, Sam Almost Always Wore T-shirts.)

We Could Go Back," He Said. In The Dome Light Of The Car, His Face Looked Hard As Stone. "we Could Go Back To Your House. I Can Stay With You Always. We Can Know Each Other's Bodies In Every Way, Night After Night. I Could Love You." His Nostrils Flared, And He Looked Suddenly Proud. "i Could Work. You Would Not Be Poor. I Would Help You." "sounds Like A Marriage," I Said, Trying To Lighten The Atmosphere. But My Voice Was Too Shaky. "yes," He Said.

I've Got Libraries In My Blood.

I Said The First Thing That Came Into My Head Unfortunately. "save The Drama For Your Mama " I Told Her Just Like An Eleven-year-old.

She Killed Lorena In A Fight?" Eric's Grin Grew Even Broader. He Was As Proud As If He'd Heard His Firstborn Reciting Shakespeare.

No Blame, No Hate - Why No Communication?

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