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There Was Sort Of A Negative Association With The Military. Maybe Growing Up In The South Or Being In A Family With Members Of The Military, I Didn't Have That Negative Connotation, But I Did Have This 'separate' Connotation. I Was Ashamed To Realize I Had It And Did Not Realize I Had It Until I Was [in Iraq]. I Was So Impressed By The People I Met Over There And There Was Just A Sense Of Connection And Gratitude Towards Those People.

-Stephen Colbert

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There Was Sort Of

Stephen Colbert

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There Was Sort Of A Negative Association With The Military. Maybe Growing Up In The South Or Being In A Family With Members Of The Military, I Didn't Have That Negative Connotation, But I Did Have This 'separate' Connotation. I Was Ashamed To Realize I Had It And Did Not Realize I Had It Until I Was [in Iraq]. I Was So Impressed By The People I Met Over There And There Was Just A Sense Of Connection And Gratitude Towards Those People.

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History Moves Fast. It's Hard To Believe That Gay Americans Achieved Full Constitutional Personhood Just Five Years After Corporations Did!

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Tomorrow You're All Going To Wake Up In A Brave New World, A World Where The Constitution Gets Trampled By An Army Of Terrorist Clones Created In A Stem-cell Research Lab Run By Homosexual Doctors Who Sterilize Their Instruments Over Burning American Flags. Where Tax And Spend Democrats Take All Your Hard-earned Money And Use It To Buy Electric Cars For National Public Radio And Teach Evolution To Illegal Immigrants. Oh... And Everybody's High!

Brave New World

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Getting Back Together

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We're Not Talking About Truth, We're Talking About Something That Seems Like Truth - The Truth We Want To Exist.

Try To Love Others And Serve Others And Hopefully Find Those Who Love And Serve You In Return.

There's A Wonderfully Cooperative Relationship Between Management And Labor Right Now. Much Like The Historic Partnership Between Oranges And A Juicer.

Like All Great Theologies, Bill [o'reilly]'s Can Be Boiled Down To One Sentence: There Must Be A God, Because I Don't Know How Things Work.

Nasa Scientists Have Discovered A New Form Of Life, Unfortunately, It Won't Date Them Either.

I Believe That People, More Often Than Not, Act With The Best Possible Intentions. And When They Don't, That's Funny To Me. That's Why Comedy Ends Up Seeming Cynical, Because You're Talking About The Gap Between What People Say And What They Do.

Think Books Aren't Scary? Well, Think About This: You Can't Spell "book" Without "boo!

You Don't Look Up Truthiness In A Book, You Look It Up In Your Gut.

It's August, Which Means Congress Is On Recess And Mitch Mcconnell Has Shimmied Back Into The Ocean To Seek A Mate.

Status Is Always Ripe For Satire, Status Is Always Good For Comedy.

Wikipedia Is The First Place I Go When I'm Looking For Knowledge... Or When I Want To Create Some.

An Apple A Day Keeps Anyone Away, If You Throw It Hard Enough.

I Don't Think Anybody Can With A Straight Face Say That The Russians Did Not Set Out To Influence Our Election, And They Did So.

I Know There Are Some Polls Out There Saying This Man Has A 32% Approval Rating. But Guys Like Us, We Don't Pay Attention To The Polls. We Know That Polls Are Just A Collection Of Statistics That Reflect What People Are Thinking In Reality. And Reality Has A Well-known Liberal Bias.

I Believed In Global Warming After Al Gore's Movie Made Money; The Market Had Spoken.

Last Night, We Did The Threatdown -- God, It's Hard To Even Talk About This -- And For The First Time, I Didn't Mention Bears. It's Winter, They're Asleep, I Didn't Think It Would Be A Problem. But Today I See This In The Toronto Globe And Mail -- Apparently A 700-pound Polar Bear Showed Up At A Children's Hockey Game. I've Said This Before, They're After Our Kids -- They're Tender, Juicy, You Don't Even Have To Throw Away The Bones.

The Liberal Gluten-free Agenda Is Turning Our Dogs Lesbian.

Writing And Producing The Show Is An Intellectual Process. Performing The Show Is Far More Athletic And Intuitive, Because You Don't Get To Do It Twice. It Helps If You've Done Whatever The Old Saw Is, 10,000 Hours Of It. Because I've Done 10,000 Hours Of Comedy, I Have This Database In My Mind Of What Works And What Doesn't Work.

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Mary Ritter Beard

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