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The More You Surrender To The Fear Of Someone's Disapproval, The More You Lose Face In Your Own Eyes, And The More Desperate You Become For Someone's Approval. Within You Is A Void That Should Have Been Filled By Self-esteem. When You Attempt To Fill It With The Approval Of Others Instead, The Void Grows Deeper And The Hunger For Acceptance And Approval Grows Stronger. The Only Solution Is To Summon The Courage To Honor Your Own Judgment, Frightening Though That May Be In The Beginning.

-Nathaniel Branden

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The More You Surrender

Nathaniel Branden

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The More You Surrender To The Fear Of Someone's Disapproval, The More You Lose Face In Your Own Eyes, And The More Desperate You Become For Someone's Approval. Within You Is A Void That Should Have Been Filled By Self-esteem. When You Attempt To Fill It With The Approval Of Others Instead, The Void Grows Deeper And The Hunger For Acceptance And Approval Grows Stronger. The Only Solution Is To Summon The Courage To Honor Your Own Judgment, Frightening Though That May Be In The Beginning.

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It Is Painful To Face The Self We Know We Have Never Had The Integrity To Honor And Assert.

Self-esteem Is A Powerful Force Within Each Of Us... Self-esteem Is The Experience That We Are Appropriate To Life And To The Requirements Of Life.

Positive Self-esteem Operates As, In Effect, The Immune System Of The Consciousness, Providing Resistance, Strength, And A Capacity For Regeneration. When Self-esteem Is Low, Our Resilience In The Face Of Life's Adversities Is Diminished. We Crumble Before Vicissitudes That A Healthier Sense Of Self Could Vanquish. We Tend To Be More Influenced By The Desire To Avoid Pain Than To Experience Joy. Negatives Have More Power Over Us Than Positives.

Accepting Does Not Necessarily Mean Liking, Enjoying, Condoning. I Can Accept What Is-and Be Determined To Evolve From There. It Is Not Acceptance But Denial That Leaves Me Stuck.

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Respect Starts With Ourselves.

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Persons Of High Self-esteem Are Not Driven To Make Themselves Superior To Others; They Do Not Seek To Prove Their Value By Measuring Themselves Against A Comparative Standard. Their Joy Is Being Who They Are, Not In Being Better Than Someone Else.

Live With Integrity, Respect The Rights Of Other People, And Follow Your Own Bliss.

The Desire For Self-esteem Without Integrity Is Like The Desire For Wealth Without Effort-a Longing For The Unearned.

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Self-esteem Is Not A Luxury; It Is A Profound Spiritual Need.

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Reason And Emotion

Most Of The Time, I Regard The Judgment Of People As A Waste Of Time. I Regard The Judgment Of Behavior As Imperative.

When You Are Frightened, You Typically Pull Energy In To Your Center, Seeing Less, Hearing Less-shrinking Consciousness Precisely When You Need To Expand It.

If You Overcome Your Fear To Ask Someone For A Date, A Raise, Or Help With A Project, That Is An Act Of Self-assertiveness. You Are Moving Out Into Life Rather Than Contracting And Withdrawing.

It Is Very Difficult To Accept In Others Emotions You Cannot Accept In Yourself.

Whether Your Focus Is On Preserving And Strengthening Family Ties In A World Of Increasingly Unstable Relationships, Gaining Access To A Decent Job, Growing And Evolving As A Person, Or Guiding A Company Through The Stormy Seas Of A Fiercely Competitive Global Marketplace-whether Your Goals Are Material, Emotional, Or Spiritual-the Price Of Success Is The Same: Thinking, Learning. To Be Asleep At The Wheel-to Rely Only On The Known, Familiar, And Automatized-is To Invite Disaster.

You Are Not Likely To Bring Out The Best In People Or Nurture Their Creativity If Every Time You Hear About Their Problems You Instantly Offer A Solution Encourage People To Look For Their Own Solutions-and Project The Knowledge That They Are Capable Of Doing So.

If We Do Not Believe In Ourselves- Neither In Our Efficacy Nor In Our Goodness- The Universe Is A Frightening Place.

Some People Have A View Of Self And Of The Universe That Obliges Them To Struggle For Happiness, To Yearn For Happiness-"some Time In The Future"-perhaps Next Year Or The Year After That. But Not Now. Not At This Moment. Not Here. Here And Now Is Too Terrifyingly Close, Too Terrifyingly Immediate. They Suffer From Happiness Anxiety.

You Can Be Loved By Your Family, Your Mate, And Your Friends Yet Not Love Yourself. You Can Be Admired By Your Associates Yet Regard Yourself As Worthless. You Can Project An Image Of Assurance And Poise That Fools Almost Everyone Yet Secretly Tremble With A Sense Of Inadequacy. You Can Fulfill The Expectations Of Others Yet Fail Your Own. You Can Win Every Honor Yet Feel That You Have Accomplished Nothing. What Shall It Profit A Person To Gain The Esteem Of The Whole World Yet Lose His Or Her Own?

In Any Culture, Subculture, Or Family In Which Belief Is Valued Above Thought, And Self-surrender Is Valued Above Self-expression, And Conformity Is Valued Above Integrity, Those Who Preserve Their Self-esteem Are Likely To Be Heroic Exceptions.

It Is A Curious Paradox Of Human History That A Doctrine That Tells Human Beings To Regard Themselves As Sacrificial Animals Has Been Accepted As A Doctrine Representing Benevolence And Love For Mankind.

Loving Consciously Does Not Mean Subjecting Your Relationship To Endless Analysis. It Means Something Much Simpler: Paying Attention. Noticing. This Requires Presence.

The Feeling That "i Am Enough" Does Not Mean That I Have Nothing To Learn, Nothing Further To Achieve, And Nowhere To Grow To. It Means That I Accept Myself, That I Am Not On Trial In My Own Eyes, That I Value And Respect Myself. This Is Not An Act Of Indulgence But Of Courage.

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... There Is An Irrational, Cultish Tendency In Many Intellectual Movements, And Objectivism, Alas, Is No Exception. Ayn Rand's Personal Obsession With Loyalty Did Little To Discourage This Trend.... Rand Had Often Protested, 'protect Me From My Followers!'

A Well-developed Sense Of Self Is A Necessary If Not Sufficient Condition Of Your Well-being. Its Presence Does Not Guarantee Fulfillment, But Its Absence Guarantees Some Measure Of Anxiety, Frustration, Or Despair.

The Ultimate Test Of Our Integrity Is Not How We Deal With Those Whom We Agree But How We Deal With Those Who We Do Not Agree.

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No One Is Coming To Save You.

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