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One Of The Biggest Misconceptions That A Woman Has Is That A Man Has To Accept Her The Way She Is. No, We Don't. I Don't Know Who Told You That. We Like The Bright And Shiny. If You Stop Wearing The Makeup, Stop Putting On Nail Polish, Stop Wearing High Heels, You'll Lose Us.

-Steve Harvey

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One Of The Biggest

Steve Harvey

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One Of The Biggest Misconceptions That A Woman Has Is That A Man Has To Accept Her The Way She Is. No, We Don't. I Don't Know Who Told You That. We Like The Bright And Shiny. If You Stop Wearing The Makeup, Stop Putting On Nail Polish, Stop Wearing High Heels, You'll Lose Us.

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If You Want To Be Successful, You Have To Jump, There's No Way Around It. When You Jump, I Can Assure You That Your Parachute Will Not Open Right Away. But If You Do Not Jump, Your Parachute Will Never Open. If You're Safe, You'll Never Soar!

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If You're A Generous Person, When You Get Money And Fame, You're Going To Be More Generous. If You're A Sharer, You're Going To Be More Sharing. If You're A Coward, You're Just Going To Be A Bigger Coward. That's All Money And Fame Does.

To Be No. 1 On The 'new York Times' Best-seller List, Well, That's Alarming. Having Been A Stand-up Comedian, I Think It's Surprising To A Lot Of People That I Had The Insight I Had.

If You Don't Believe In God, Then Where Is Your Moral Barometer?

A Guy That's Really Serious About You, He's Gotta Be Talking To You, He's Gotta Want To Have One-on-one, In-your-face Interaction. That's How We Are.

God Has Given Me A Life Far Beyond Anything I Ever Dreamed About. God Is, Man, God Is Something Else Man.

Hollywood Is Run By People Who Sit Up In Their Executive Office, Who Are Not Connected To Mississippi, Alabama, Chicago, South Carolina. They Know Nothing About That, They Don't Go To Church, And They Make Their Decisions About What They Think Is Right.

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I Never Saw Myself Not Being A Stand-up. That Was My Plan.

There Has Been Nothing More Impactful On My Life And Meaningful To Me Than The Introduction Of Christ. That, Hands Down, Blows Away Every Joke I've Ever Written.

Men Respect Women Who Have Standards - Get Some!

If You'd Asked Me Then If I Saw How Big "the Steve Harvey Morning Show" Was Going To Be, I Couldn't Tell You. But I Knew I Could Reach People Not As A Character But As Steve Harvey, Because Although I Tell Jokes For A Living, I've Also Lived, And I Think I Can Relate To You More Than You Know.

A Real Man Is Happy And Eager To Live By Your Rules, As Long As He Knows What The Rules Are And He's Sure That Abiding By Those Rules Will Help Keep The Woman He Loves Happy

You Don't Just Sit In The Car And Let Some Guy Drive You Through Life, Wasting Your Time.

Wasting Your Time

Comedians Walk Out, Get A Feel For The Crowd. If It's Not Going Good, We Change Directions. If We Got To Drag Your Momma Into This Thing, We Will. Whatever We Got To Do.

Men Don't Come Up To You To Just Talk. We Come Up To You With A Plan. We're Looking Across The Room At You, And We Don't Care About Your Hopes And Dreams. We Don't Care About What Your Future Holds. We Saw Something We Wanted.

People See Me Laughing And Telling Jokes, But They Had No Idea After The Show Was Over, I Had No Joy In My Life, In My Heart.

Tv Is A Different Animal. I Belong On That Little Screen. The Big Silver Screen, Not So Much, 'cause I've Seen My Face Up Close When It's 25-feet Tall. I'm Okay As Long As You Keep Me In That Little Box.

Failure Is A Great Teacher, And I Think When You Make Mistakes And You Recover From Them And You Treat Them As Valuable Learning Experiences, Then You've Got Something To Share.

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We All Think That This Relationship Thing Is A Game Out Here. All I'm Saying To Women Is, "okay. If It's A Game, Here Are The Rules That We Play By".

I Was Always A Dreamer With High Aspirations, But I Kept Coming Up Short My Whole Life.

I’m Not Really A Relationship Expert But ... I’m An Expert On Manhood And What Men Think.

Let Him Treat You Like A Lady And Open The Car Door For You. If He Doesn't Automatically Open The Door For You, Stand By The Darn Thing And Don't Get Into The Vehicle Until He Realises He Needs To Get Hid Behind Out Of The Driver's Seat And Come Round And Open The Car Door For You. That's His Job!

When People Think You Are Speaking Against Them As A Group, They Try To Shut It Down Out Here.

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People Don't Like To Hear The Truth Out Here Cause The Truth Makes Them Think.

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I Don't Think It's Cool For People To Say, 'you Shouldn't Reference God Because I Don't Believe That, And I Don't Want To Hear It.' Well, There's A Lot Of Stuff I Don't Believe That I Still Gotta Hear.

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Other Than My Foundation - Mentoring Programs - Everything I Do Is For Money.

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Your Career Is What You're Paid For. Your Calling Is What You're Made For.

How Can Smart Women Be So Stupid About Men Sometimes? Lack Of Knowledge. It's What Men Have Kept Secret For So Long.

There Many Guys Out There Who Are Actually Fishing For A Woman Whom They Are Planning On Keeping. But There Are Guys Out There Who Are Just Sports Fishing - Catching Them And Then Throwing Them Back Into The Ocean.

Our Only Teachers And Role Models For Our Young Men Cannot Be, You Know, Videos, And, The Hip Hop Community.

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I'd Have To Say I'm Most Proud Of My Mentoring Camp That I Do In Dallas Every Year For One Hundred Boys From Single-parent Homes. I Was Raised By A Mother Who Was A Sunday School Teacher And A Father Who Worked Hard. Together They Taught Me To Give Back.

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The Truth Is I've Always Been A Christian. What's Amazing, Is That The Flaws That Come With Christianity Are Really Weird, Because Mine Have A Microphone And A Camera Attached To Them. Most People Don't Have To Live Under That Microscope.

The First Time I Saw My Wife, Marjorie, I Was Doing Stand-up In Memphis, And She Was Sitting In The Front Row. Afterward, I Walked Up And Said, "ma'am, I'm Going To Marry You One Day". And 15 Years Later, I Did.

All I Knew Growing Up Was That My Father Was Married To And Loved My Momma, Period. He Worked Hard, Made Some Money, And Put It On The Dresser. She Spent It On The Family, And He Went Out And Earned Some More. He Taught Me The Most About Love.

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I'm Not A Movie Star And I Know That.

The Problem In Our Community Is Not The Women - I Mean, They've Done All They Can Do.

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Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man

I Don't Want To Be 60 Years Old Standing On Stage Telling Some Jokes. I Want My Life To Mean Something.

I Don't See The Women As A Problem. The Women Are Doing All They Can Do. They're Heading Up Households; They're Single Parents; They're Breadwinners; They're The 'mamas,' They're The 'daddies,' They're The 'uncles.' They Take The Kids To School; They Take Them To Doctors, You Know? They Take Them To Games. I See It All The Time.

I Was Homeless. I Lived In A Car For A Couple Of Years. That Was The Worst. But Nothing Was Worse Than When I Was 40 And My Mom Passed Away. My Mother Was The Best Person I Ever Knew. Those Were The Two Lowest Points.

I'm A Comedian First. I've Learned How To Act. I Just Draw On Life Experiences And That's How I've Learned. I Didn't Take Classes Or Anything. I Don't Need No Classroom.

My Mother Raised Me In The Church. I Was Not Allowed To Stay Home On Sunday; There Was No Option. I Sang In The Choir All The Way Up Until I Went To College.

It's Really Unimaginable That I Could Start Where I Was And Get Here Today.

If You Ain't Nothing When You Get Money And Fame, You're Just Going To Be More Nothing. If You Don't Stand For Nothing, When You Get Money And Fame, You Ain't Suddenly Fin To Stand For Nothing! You're Just Fin To Be Richer And More Famous - Standing For Nothing!

I'm A Old Hoodlum, So I Will Jump On You If I Have To.

Women Want Their Love To Be Reciprocated In The Same Way They Give It; They Want Their Romantic Lives To Be As Rewarding As They Make Them For Their Potential Mates; They Want The Emotions That They Turn On Full Blast To Be Met With The Same Intensity; And They Expect The Premium They Put On Commitment To Be Equally Adhered To, Valued, And Respected.

God Has Positioned Me Just This Way To Be Just Like I Am, To Say What I Say How I Say It.

I Don't Rehearse On Either Of My Shows, 'family Feud' Or My Talk Show. I Never Rehearse With The Guests. I Don't Want To Have Any Preconceived Thoughts, Notions, Because That Kills My Creativity As A Host And As A Stand Up.

You've Got To Be In A Bad Relationship To Really Understand What A Great One Is.

I'm Just A Living Witness That You Can Be An Imperfect Soldier And Still Be In The Army Fighting For God Almighty. Don't You Think You Got To Be Perfect 'cause I Ain't.

If You Think "sagging," And, How Many Women You've Got, And How Big A Chain You've Got, And How Much Dope You're Slangin', And How Much Money You've Got In Your Pocket Makes You A "man," Then You're Sadly Mistaken. You're Going To Be A Misguided Soul Your Entire Life.

My Mother Was A Sunday School Teacher. So I Am A Byproduct Of Prayer. My Mom Just Kept On Praying For Her Son.

The Hip Hop Community Is Not At Fault Here - I'm Definitely Not Blaming Them. But, That Can't Be The Only View Of Manhood For Our Young Men.

Your Reality Is Yours. Stop Wasting Time Looking At Someone Else's Reality While Doing Nothing About Yours.

I Just Believe If You Don't Believe In God, Then Where Is Your Moral Barometer? That's Just Me Talking. You Can Believe What You Want To Believe.

The Best Timed Joke Or The Best Timed Phrase Comes At Spontaneous Moments And Just Relies On Me As The Host To Be Very Quick, And That's What I Do.

There's A Lot More To Me Than Just Funny.

I Don't Want People To See Me Fall. I Mean, I Got Enough People Cheering For Me To Fall Now... The Internet Has Created Some Amazing Place For Evil To Exist, You Dig?

Providing For The Ones He Loves And Care About, Whether It's Monetarily Or With Sweat Equity, Is Part Of A Man's Dna, And If He Loves And Cares For You, This Man Will Provide For You All These Things With No Limits.

My Father Instilled In Me To Take Care Of My Family. Show Up Even When You Don't Want To Show Up.

I Tell Jokes For A Check; I'm On Tv For A Check.

Men And Women Really Do Want The Same Things. We Just Need Each Other To Bring It Out. That's Really The Truth Of The Matter.

I Found That The Best Way To Go About [ Black Men ] Is To Produce Better Men. And I Think If We Get Them At A Younger Age, And Start Teaching These Young Brothers The Principles Of Manhood: That Real Men Go To Work Everyday; Real Men Honor God; Real Men Respect And Adore Women - That's What Real Men Do.

The Problem Is, Women Have Stopped Setting The Bar High.

I Tell My Boys Not To Play Rough With Their Younger Sister. I Try To Teach Them What I Know Already: You're Never Going To Win An Argument With A Girl, So Just Let Her Have What She Wants!

I'm Still Very Much A Christian And Have A Great Relationship With God. I Love Him, But One Of My Flaws Is That I Cuss.

But Remember What Drives A Man; Real Men Do What They Have To Do To Make Sure Their People Are Taken Care Of, Clothed, Housed, And Reasonably Sastisfied, And If They're Doing Anything Less Than That, They're Not Men.

We Men Are Very Simple People: If We Like What We See, We’re Coming Over There. If We Don’t Want Anything From You, We’re Not Coming Over There. Period. Please Highlight This Part Right Here So You Can Always Remind Yourself The Next Time A Man Steps To You: A Man Always Wants Something. Always. And When It Comes To Women, That Plan Is Always To Find Out Two Things: (1) If You’re Willing To Sleep With Him, And (2) If You Are, How Much It Will Cost To Get You To Sleep With Him.

You Have Nothing If You're Texting A Guy In A Relationship. We Can Text Six Women A Minute. We Can Text It And Push 'reply All.' I Mean, Since We're Lying, We Might As Well Lie To Everybody.

My Father Was Married To Mother 'til The Day He Died, For Over 64 Years. He's Why I Kept Trying To Get The Marriage Thing Right. All I Knew Growing Up Was That My Father Was Married To And Loved My Momma, Period. He Worked Hard, Made Some Money, And Put It On The Dresser. She Spent It On The Family, And He Went Out And Earned Some More. He Taught Me The Most About Love.

I'm Not A Doctor. I Just Have A Tremendous Amount Of Common Sense.

Procrastinatio N Will Delay Your Change!!! Today Is A Very Good Day To Change; Don't Let You Stop Yourself From Growing!

Every Day, President Obama Sends A Beautiful Message About How We Should Treat Our Women Based On How He Treats His Wife. When People Went After His Wife During The Campaign, He Took A Stand.

I Ain't No Author, Man . . . My Writing Skills Are Not Of "new York Times" Best-seller Quality, Trust And Believe It Ain't. My Vocabulary Ain't.

I've Always Been This Way. My Father Taught This To Me. Here's The Thing, You Have To Understand; The Thing About Having Money: Money And Fame Don't Change You, All It Does Is Allow You To Be More Of Who You Are Anyway.

When I First Got Money, I Went Through It Like Everybody Else, Because I Didn't Know. But, Right Now, I've Educated Myself And Placed Smart People Around Me. I Surrounded Myself With People Who Not Only Are Intelligent And Effective About Finances, Taxes, And Money Management, But They (also) Love Me.

You Have To Pick Your Places To "step Up" And You Have You Pick Your Spots. If You're Just Going To Run Out There, And, Just Be What/who You Want To Be, Then You Won't Be That Long.

If He Hasn't Lined Up The Who He Is, The What He Does, And The How Much He Makes In The Way That He Sees Fit, He Can't Possibly Be To You What He Wants To Be.

The Number One Cause Of Failure In This Country Is The Fear Of Failure.

Man Didn't Put Me In This Place [in Entertaining Industry]. I'm In This Position Because Of God. And So, If Man Didn't Put Me In This Place, I Really Don't See No Man That Can Take Me Out Of Here.

God Lets You Be Successful Because He Trusts You That You Will Do The Right Thing With It. Now, Does He Get Disappointed Often? All The Time, Because People Get There And They Forget How They Got It.

I Think That We, As The African-american Men In Hip-hop, We Have A Greater Responsibly Because We Have The Ears Of So Many Millions Of Our Young People. And They Listenin'.

The Quote That I Liked Is"the Moment Of The Baby Boy Is Born Is Taught To Be Tough" I Really Liked This Quote From The Book That Am Reading Because I Think Its The Same In Uae,we Teach Our Baby Boy To Be Strong And To Get Up Without Crying And To Depend On Him Self.

One Of The Biggest Misconceptions That A Woman Has Is That A Man Has To Accept Her The Way She Is. No, We Don't. I Don't Know Who Told You That. We Like The Bright And Shiny. If You Stop Wearing The Makeup, Stop Putting On Nail Polish, Stop Wearing High Heels, You'll Lose Us.

I Have Seen Some Crazy People Do Some Crazy Things On My Variety Show. I Have To Stop And Ask Them A Lot Of The Time, Just How They Figured Out That They Could Do The Things That They Do, Some Of It Is Just Plain Freaky.

Sometimes We Don't Appreciate Prayer Until We Have To Go Through Something!

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