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I've Had My Share Of Problems Along The Way. Don't Get Me Wrong, Because There Is No School For This. You Go From A Poor Person To A Rich Person. My Parents Didn't Have No Money; Didn't Tell Me Nothing About Investments.

-Steve Harvey

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I've Had My Share

Steve Harvey

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I've Had My Share Of Problems Along The Way. Don't Get Me Wrong, Because There Is No School For This. You Go From A Poor Person To A Rich Person. My Parents Didn't Have No Money; Didn't Tell Me Nothing About Investments.

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Tv Is A Different Animal. I Belong On That Little Screen. The Big Silver Screen, Not So Much, 'cause I've Seen My Face Up Close When It's 25-feet Tall. I'm Okay As Long As You Keep Me In That Little Box.

Through A Lot Of Conversations With The Minister [louis Farrakhan] You've Got To Know When To Say Something. But If You Are Forever Going To Be Afraid To Say Anything, Then You Become Irrelevant - As A Force. I Mean, So The God-given Gift That You Got, You're Not A Relevant Player In The Game - You're Just A Dude Whose Got Money, Got A Big House And Some Cars.

I Don't See The Women As A Problem. The Women Are Doing All They Can Do. They're Heading Up Households; They're Single Parents; They're Breadwinners; They're The 'mamas,' They're The 'daddies,' They're The 'uncles.' They Take The Kids To School; They Take Them To Doctors, You Know? They Take Them To Games. I See It All The Time.

People Don't Like To Hear The Truth Out Here Cause The Truth Makes Them Think.

We Men Are Very Simple People: If We Like What We See, We’re Coming Over There. If We Don’t Want Anything From You, We’re Not Coming Over There. Period. Please Highlight This Part Right Here So You Can Always Remind Yourself The Next Time A Man Steps To You: A Man Always Wants Something. Always. And When It Comes To Women, That Plan Is Always To Find Out Two Things: (1) If You’re Willing To Sleep With Him, And (2) If You Are, How Much It Will Cost To Get You To Sleep With Him.

Every Day, President Obama Sends A Beautiful Message About How We Should Treat Our Women Based On How He Treats His Wife. When People Went After His Wife During The Campaign, He Took A Stand.

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God Has Given Me A Life Far Beyond Anything I Ever Dreamed About. God Is, Man, God Is Something Else Man.

Your Career Is What You're Paid For. Your Calling Is What You're Made For.

I'm A Old Hoodlum, So I Will Jump On You If I Have To.

In Order To Overcome Fear, Your Dream Must Become Bigger Than Fear.

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How Can Smart Women Be So Stupid About Men Sometimes? Lack Of Knowledge. It's What Men Have Kept Secret For So Long.

To Be No. 1 On The 'new York Times' Best-seller List, Well, That's Alarming. Having Been A Stand-up Comedian, I Think It's Surprising To A Lot Of People That I Had The Insight I Had.

If A Man Loves You . . . He's Willing To Profess It. He'll Give You A Title After A While. You're Going To Be His Lady, His Woman, His Fiancée, His Wife, His Baby's Mama, Something.

Your Reality Is Yours. Stop Wasting Time Looking At Someone Else's Reality While Doing Nothing About Yours.

The [steve Harvey] Foundation Started Originally About The Educational Needs Of Children. But, As I Got Into It More And More, One Of My Main Objectives Became Mentoring Programs For Young African American Men Because That's Our Problem In Our Community - It's The African American Men.

If He Hasn't Lined Up The Who He Is, The What He Does, And The How Much He Makes In The Way That He Sees Fit, He Can't Possibly Be To You What He Wants To Be.

Providing For The Ones He Loves And Care About, Whether It's Monetarily Or With Sweat Equity, Is Part Of A Man's Dna, And If He Loves And Cares For You, This Man Will Provide For You All These Things With No Limits.

There Has Been Nothing More Impactful On My Life And Meaningful To Me Than The Introduction Of Christ. That, Hands Down, Blows Away Every Joke I've Ever Written.

I Don't Want To Be 60 Years Old Standing On Stage Telling Some Jokes. I Want My Life To Mean Something.

The Quote That I Liked Is"the Moment Of The Baby Boy Is Born Is Taught To Be Tough" I Really Liked This Quote From The Book That Am Reading Because I Think Its The Same In Uae,we Teach Our Baby Boy To Be Strong And To Get Up Without Crying And To Depend On Him Self.

I Can't Cuss And Tell Jokes The Rest Of My Life. I Gotta Say Something Meaningful. I Gotta Give Something Back To A Creator Who Has Given So Much To Me.

I'm A Comedian First. I've Learned How To Act. I Just Draw On Life Experiences And That's How I've Learned. I Didn't Take Classes Or Anything. I Don't Need No Classroom.

I Don't Have Much Of An Attention Span For Tv - I Nod Off During The Basketball Playoffs - But When I Watch 'game Of Thrones' On On Demand, I'm Glued To The Set. It's Mystical And Addictive. Tyrion Lannister, That's My Man.

I'm Just A Living Witness That You Can Be An Imperfect Soldier And Still Be In The Army Fighting For God Almighty. Don't You Think You Got To Be Perfect 'cause I Ain't.

God Lets You Be Successful Because He Trusts You That You Will Do The Right Thing With It. Now, Does He Get Disappointed Often? All The Time, Because People Get There And They Forget How They Got It.

I Tell Jokes For A Check; I'm On Tv For A Check.

You've Got To Quit Lowering Your Standards. Set Your Requirements Up Front So When A Guy Hooks You, He Has To Know This Is Business.

It's Really Unimaginable That I Could Start Where I Was And Get Here Today.

Comedians Walk Out, Get A Feel For The Crowd. If It's Not Going Good, We Change Directions. If We Got To Drag Your Momma Into This Thing, We Will. Whatever We Got To Do.

I'm Still Very Much A Christian And Have A Great Relationship With God. I Love Him, But One Of My Flaws Is That I Cuss.

You Have Nothing If You're Texting A Guy In A Relationship. We Can Text Six Women A Minute. We Can Text It And Push 'reply All.' I Mean, Since We're Lying, We Might As Well Lie To Everybody.

I'm Here To Tell You, Though, Ladies That The Term "gold Digger" Is One Of The Traps We Men Set To Keep You Off Our Money Trail; We Created That Term For You So That We Can Have All Our Money And Still Get Everything We Want From You Without You Asking For Or Expecting This Very Basic, Instincual Responsibility That Men All Over The World Are Obligated To Assume And Embrace. ... Know This: It Is Your Right To Expect That A Man Will Pay For Your Dinner, Your Movie Ticket, Your Club Entry Fee, Or Whatever Else He Has To Pay For In Exhange For Your Time.

I'd Have To Say I'm Most Proud Of My Mentoring Camp That I Do In Dallas Every Year For One Hundred Boys From Single-parent Homes. I Was Raised By A Mother Who Was A Sunday School Teacher And A Father Who Worked Hard. Together They Taught Me To Give Back.

Now, Revealing That You're A Keeper Is No Guarantee That This Guy Won't Just Walk Away. Some Men Really Are Just Sport Fishing And Have No Intention Of Doing Anything More Than Throwing Back The Women They Bed. If This Is The Cae With This Man, Then Let Him Walk-what Do You Care? He's Not The Guy You're Looking For.

Guarantees That

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The Number One Cause Of Failure In This Country Is The Fear Of Failure.

Men And Women Really Do Want The Same Things. We Just Need Each Other To Bring It Out. That's Really The Truth Of The Matter.

Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man

The Best Timed Joke Or The Best Timed Phrase Comes At Spontaneous Moments And Just Relies On Me As The Host To Be Very Quick, And That's What I Do.

My Mother Was A Sunday School Teacher. So I Am A Byproduct Of Prayer. My Mom Just Kept On Praying For Her Son.

The Truth Is I've Always Been A Christian. What's Amazing, Is That The Flaws That Come With Christianity Are Really Weird, Because Mine Have A Microphone And A Camera Attached To Them. Most People Don't Have To Live Under That Microscope.

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Our Only Teachers And Role Models For Our Young Men Cannot Be, You Know, Videos, And, The Hip Hop Community.

I'm Not A Doctor. I Just Have A Tremendous Amount Of Common Sense.

If You Think "sagging," And, How Many Women You've Got, And How Big A Chain You've Got, And How Much Dope You're Slangin', And How Much Money You've Got In Your Pocket Makes You A "man," Then You're Sadly Mistaken. You're Going To Be A Misguided Soul Your Entire Life.

I've Had My Share Of Problems Along The Way. Don't Get Me Wrong, Because There Is No School For This. You Go From A Poor Person To A Rich Person. My Parents Didn't Have No Money; Didn't Tell Me Nothing About Investments.

If You Don't Believe In God, Then Where Is Your Moral Barometer?

Procrastinatio N Will Delay Your Change!!! Today Is A Very Good Day To Change; Don't Let You Stop Yourself From Growing!

We All Think That This Relationship Thing Is A Game Out Here. All I'm Saying To Women Is, "okay. If It's A Game, Here Are The Rules That We Play By".

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If You Want To Be Successful, You Have To Jump, There's No Way Around It. When You Jump, I Can Assure You That Your Parachute Will Not Open Right Away. But If You Do Not Jump, Your Parachute Will Never Open. If You're Safe, You'll Never Soar!

I Don't Have 'the Jerry Springer Show'. I Just Got 'family Feud', But Some Of Them Families, When They Lose, Man, They Have Some Real Conversations With Each Other Back Behind That Wall, But I've Never Been Involved In Any Of Them.

But Even In My Darkest Days I Had Faith It Would Turn Around.

The Problem In Our Community Is Not The Women - I Mean, They've Done All They Can Do.

I'm Not A Good Mother At All.

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I Talked To Minister [louis] Farrakhan Many Times About This Subject - There Is Our Reality That We Have To Deal With On An Ongoing Basis Because We Have To Exist In Order For Certain Things To Get Done.

All You Have To Do Is Speak Up. Tell Him Straight Up: "i Need You Here To Protect And Provide For Us, To Give Us Security In Our Lives, To Help Raise These Children, To Set An Example For This Boy, Who Needs To See What Real Men Do, And For This Girl, Who Needs To Know What A Real Man Is So She Can Find One Of Her Own Someday. I Need You To Be The Head Of This Family." Lay It Out Like This, And Your Requirements Will Trump His Mother's Every Time.

The Only Way Woman Can Truly Be Completely Satisfied Is To Get Herself Four Different Men--an Old One, An Ugly One, A Mandingo, And A Gay Guy.

A Lot Of Times We Expect People Who Get Money And Fame To Suddenly Become This "role Model" Or This "icon." That Ain't How It Works. Money And Fame - All It Does It Just Allows You To Be More Of Who You Really Are.

I Don't Want People To See Me Fall. I Mean, I Got Enough People Cheering For Me To Fall Now... The Internet Has Created Some Amazing Place For Evil To Exist, You Dig?

The Lord Saved My Soul.

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I've Always Been This Way. My Father Taught This To Me. Here's The Thing, You Have To Understand; The Thing About Having Money: Money And Fame Don't Change You, All It Does Is Allow You To Be More Of Who You Are Anyway.

I Don't Think It's Cool For People To Say, 'you Shouldn't Reference God Because I Don't Believe That, And I Don't Want To Hear It.' Well, There's A Lot Of Stuff I Don't Believe That I Still Gotta Hear.

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I Think There Are So Many Books Out There Written On Relationships And Romance That Women Are The Authors Of. How Can Women Know Exactly How Men Think? And There Are So Many Guys Out There With Relationship Books Who Are Just Not Telling The Truth. They Have Shaded Parts.

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I Was Always A Dreamer With High Aspirations, But I Kept Coming Up Short My Whole Life.

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Women Want Their Love To Be Reciprocated In The Same Way They Give It; They Want Their Romantic Lives To Be As Rewarding As They Make Them For Their Potential Mates; They Want The Emotions That They Turn On Full Blast To Be Met With The Same Intensity; And They Expect The Premium They Put On Commitment To Be Equally Adhered To, Valued, And Respected.

Anyone Can Sleep With A Guy In 24-48 Hours, But You're Sending The Wrong Signal To The Guy If You Do That.

You Can't Ask The Women To Do Anymore. It's Time For Us As Black Men To Step Up And Be What We're Supposed To Be.

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All I'm Telling You To Do Is To Be Smart About It. Know That If This Man Isn't Looking For A Serious Relationship, You're Not Going To Change His Mind Just Because You Two Are Going On Dates And Being Intimate. You Could Be The Most Perfect Woman On The Lord's Green Earth-you're Capable Of Interesting Conversation, You Cook A Mean Breakfast, You Hand Out Backrubs Like Sandwiches, You're Independent (which Means, To Him, That You're Not Going To Be In His Pockets)-but If He's Not Ready For A Serious Relationship, He Going To Treat You Like Sports Fish.

I Never Say "nagging". I Think That "nagging" Is A Term That Men Created To Get Women To Pipe Down Some. But It's A Trap That We've Created. We Created Several Terms For Women To Back You Down. Nagging Means To Stop Asking Me Questions, Then We Get Away With More. I Think It's A Term Men Created.

You Have To Pick Your Places To "step Up" And You Have You Pick Your Spots. If You're Just Going To Run Out There, And, Just Be What/who You Want To Be, Then You Won't Be That Long.

All I Knew Growing Up Was That My Father Was Married To And Loved My Momma, Period. He Worked Hard, Made Some Money, And Put It On The Dresser. She Spent It On The Family, And He Went Out And Earned Some More. He Taught Me The Most About Love.

When I First Got Money, I Went Through It Like Everybody Else, Because I Didn't Know. But, Right Now, I've Educated Myself And Placed Smart People Around Me. I Surrounded Myself With People Who Not Only Are Intelligent And Effective About Finances, Taxes, And Money Management, But They (also) Love Me.

You Can Be Happy, Or You Can Be Right. If You Want To Be Part Of A Couple And Win Every Argument, You're In Trouble.

God Has Positioned Me Just This Way To Be Just Like I Am, To Say What I Say How I Say It.

If You Don't Have A Base - You Can't Not Have A Spiritual Base And Survive. That's Probably What Has Kept Me Out Of The Tabloids. Then I Go Home, I've Got A Family, And I Keep My Wife In Front Of My Head.

Hip-hop Is A Beautiful Thing. I Think That The Music Genre Itself Has Created More Millionaires Than Any Other Music Genre Before It, Especially In Our Community.

Love Is Never Going To Go Out Of Style, A Man Is Always Going To Want To Have The Love Of A Woman. She Just Needs A Game Plan To Work Out How To Get His Love.

I Think That We, As The African-american Men In Hip-hop, We Have A Greater Responsibly Because We Have The Ears Of So Many Millions Of Our Young People. And They Listenin'.

One Of The Biggest Misconceptions That A Woman Has Is That A Man Has To Accept Her The Way She Is. No, We Don't. I Don't Know Who Told You That. We Like The Bright And Shiny. If You Stop Wearing The Makeup, Stop Putting On Nail Polish, Stop Wearing High Heels, You'll Lose Us.

My Mother Raised Me In The Church. I Was Not Allowed To Stay Home On Sunday; There Was No Option. I Sang In The Choir All The Way Up Until I Went To College.

A Guy That's Really Serious About You, He's Gotta Be Talking To You, He's Gotta Want To Have One-on-one, In-your-face Interaction. That's How We Are.

Sometimes We Don't Appreciate Prayer Until We Have To Go Through Something!

You Think That God Positioned You Here So You Can Just Have It All To Yourself? God Blesses You To Become A Blessing. That's The Deal.

I Never Saw Myself Not Being A Stand-up. That Was My Plan.

When People Think You Are Speaking Against Them As A Group, They Try To Shut It Down Out Here.

God Does Things For Us Because He Trusts Us; That When He Gives It To Us, That We Will Do The Right Thing. We'll Open Up Our Eyes And See The Plan He Has For Us. If We're Not Going To Open Up Our Eyes, Don't Worry - You're Not Going To Have It Long. You're Short-lived.

I Don't Let Nobody Sign For My Money. Me And My Wife Write Our Own Checks. So, If There's Some Money Missing, We Know How It Got Missing.

Men Are, By Nature, Hunters, And Women Have Been Put In The Position Of Being The Prey.

I Found That The Best Way To Go About [ Black Men ] Is To Produce Better Men. And I Think If We Get Them At A Younger Age, And Start Teaching These Young Brothers The Principles Of Manhood: That Real Men Go To Work Everyday; Real Men Honor God; Real Men Respect And Adore Women - That's What Real Men Do.

You Can Tell Me Anything You Want To About Investment, But You Can't Move No Money Of Mine, So I Know Where All Of Mine Is. Now, If We Ain't Got A Lot, It's Our Fault.

I'm Not A Movie Star And I Know That.

I Don't Rehearse On Either Of My Shows, 'family Feud' Or My Talk Show. I Never Rehearse With The Guests. I Don't Want To Have Any Preconceived Thoughts, Notions, Because That Kills My Creativity As A Host And As A Stand Up.

The Cookie Is The Critical Part. It's A Word I Created For Sex And You've Got To Give A Man All Three Things. If You Miss One Out, He Is Going To Find It Somewhere Else.

Men Don't Come Up To You To Just Talk. We Come Up To You With A Plan. We're Looking Across The Room At You, And We Don't Care About Your Hopes And Dreams. We Don't Care About What Your Future Holds. We Saw Something We Wanted.

There Many Guys Out There Who Are Actually Fishing For A Woman Whom They Are Planning On Keeping. But There Are Guys Out There Who Are Just Sports Fishing - Catching Them And Then Throwing Them Back Into The Ocean.

My Father Instilled In Me To Take Care Of My Family. Show Up Even When You Don't Want To Show Up.

The Mentoring Program [of The Steve Harvey Foundation] Is To Teach Young Boys The Principles Of Manhood.

I Ain't No Author, Man . . . My Writing Skills Are Not Of "new York Times" Best-seller Quality, Trust And Believe It Ain't. My Vocabulary Ain't.

If You Ain't Nothing When You Get Money And Fame, You're Just Going To Be More Nothing. If You Don't Stand For Nothing, When You Get Money And Fame, You Ain't Suddenly Fin To Stand For Nothing! You're Just Fin To Be Richer And More Famous - Standing For Nothing!

If You'd Asked Me Then If I Saw How Big "the Steve Harvey Morning Show" Was Going To Be, I Couldn't Tell You. But I Knew I Could Reach People Not As A Character But As Steve Harvey, Because Although I Tell Jokes For A Living, I've Also Lived, And I Think I Can Relate To You More Than You Know.

Other Than My Foundation - Mentoring Programs - Everything I Do Is For Money.

I’m Not Really A Relationship Expert But ... I’m An Expert On Manhood And What Men Think.

You Don't Just Sit In The Car And Let Some Guy Drive You Through Life, Wasting Your Time.

Wasting Your Time

If I Were An Animal, I'd Probably Be A Bald Eagle, Since I'm Already Bald And I Love To Fish. But I'd Probably Be A Shaky-ass Eagle Because I'm Afraid Of Flying.

People See Me Laughing And Telling Jokes, But They Had No Idea After The Show Was Over, I Had No Joy In My Life, In My Heart.

Too Many Women Have Given Up The Power Over The Years Because Men Have Created The Terms.

The First Time I Saw My Wife, Marjorie, I Was Doing Stand-up In Memphis, And She Was Sitting In The Front Row. Afterward, I Walked Up And Said, "ma'am, I'm Going To Marry You One Day". And 15 Years Later, I Did.

Men Respect Standards- Get Some!

I Know How Men Think When They're Not Responding To Questions In A Clinical Study.

It's A Woman's Right To Know A Man's Intentions Upfront. Because, Once You Get Emotionally Attached To A Man And You Sleep With Him, It's Too Late.

You're An Investigator - Can't Nobody Find Stuff Out Like A Woman. Y'all Put The Police To Shame, Make The Little Investigative Tricks They Show On Csi And Law & Order: Svu Look Like Counting Lessons On Sesame Street.

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