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North Korea Has Declared Its Own Time Zone That They Are Calling 'pyongyang Time,' And Set Their Clocks Back Half An Hour. So If It's Say, 11:40 Here Now In New York, In North Korea It's Still 1925.

-Jimmy Fallon

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North Korea Has Declared

Jimmy Fallon

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North Korea Has Declared Its Own Time Zone That They Are Calling 'pyongyang Time,' And Set Their Clocks Back Half An Hour. So If It's Say, 11:40 Here Now In New York, In North Korea It's Still 1925.

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The White House Announced That President Obama Will Attend A Summit In Kenya This July. When Asked If He's Ever Been To Kenya, Obama Said, 'of Course. I Was Born - No, Bored - Over There. There's Nothing To Do In Kenya.'

After Months Of Negotiations, Iran Has Finally Agreed To Reduce Its Nuclear Weapons Program. Which Was Great Until Putin Showed Up And Said, 'hi, I'm Here About Craigslist Ad For Nukes.'

A New Survey Found That 12 Percent Of Parents Punish Their Kids By Banning Social Networking Sites. The Other 88 Percent Punish Their Kids By Joining Social Networking Sites.

Today Is The Midterm Elections. The Washington Post Is Predicting That There's A 98 Percent Chance Of The Republicans Taking The Senate And The New York Times Says There's A 75 Percent Chance. And Cnn Said, 'wait, That's Today?'

Newt Gingrich Plans To Announce His Campaign For President This Wednesday. I Don’t Know About His Chances. I Mean, I’m Not Saying Gingrich Peaked In The ‘90s, But His Campaign Is Being Sponsored By Tamagotchis And Crystal Pepsi.

A Peacock Escaped From The Central Park Zoo And Wandered Around The City. Either That Or I Just Saw A Pigeon On His Way To A Gay Pride Parade.

Today Google Celebrated Its 13th Anniversary.... That's Right, Google Turned 13 Years Old. Which Explains Why Today When I Searched For Something, Google Was Just Like, "i Don't Know. Stop Asking Me Questions! I'm Going Upstairs.

You Gotta Risk It To Get The Biscuit.

In An Interview Last Night, Rick Perry Criticized Mitt Romney For Flip-flopping On The Issues. Romney Said That Perry Has No Idea What He's Talking About. Then He Added, 'but He Does Know What He's Talking About.'

There's A Growing Trend Of Older Americans Who Are Using Marijuana In Their Retirement. That Makes Sense Because Old People Are Always Talking About Their Joints.

During The Cpac Conference, Rand Paul Told The Crowd It Was Time For A New President And That People Need To Help Make The Change. Of Course, Most People Agreed With Him, Since That's How Term Limits Work.

Today President Obama Gave A Major Speech Where He Defended His Handling Of The Economy. And There Were Tons Of People In The Audience, You Know, Since Nobody Had To Be At Work.

When You Have A Baby, Sleep Is Not An Option. You Can't Sleep. Even On Vacation, You Wake Up At 6:30 A.m.

I'm So Excited. Jay Leno Is On The Show Tonight. He Brought Some Really Funny Jokes And Some Great Stories. Although I'm A Little Concerned He Also Brought His Old Desk And Kevin Eubanks. I Just Want Jay To Be Comfortable, But Not Too Comfortable.

I Haven't Been On A Date In Awhile. I Went On Maybe Two Dates In My Whole Life.

In A Recent Interview, Hillary Clinton Said That One Of The Jobs That Prepared Her To Be President Was Sliming Fish In Alaska. As Opposed To Bill, Who Learned By Catching Crabs In Cancun.

This Week, Georgia's Board Of Education Approved A Plan That Allows Teachers To Keep Using The Word Evolution When Teaching Biology. Though, As A Compromise, Dinosaurs Are Now Called Jesus Horses.

You Run On The Treadmill. But You Need To Stop Watching The Food Network When You're Doing It. That Is How You Torture Yourself.

This Is Interesting. Researchers Have Found That People Who Drive Drunk Are More Dangerous On The Road Than Drivers Who Are High On Marijuana. Don't Get Too Excited. It's Mostly Because The Drivers Using Marijuana Are Just Sitting In The Taco Bell Drive-through.

A Recent Study Shows That Standing At Work For Long Periods Of Time Is Bad For You, After Earlier Research Indicated That Sitting For Too Long At Work Is Bad For You. So Really The Only Thing We Know Is, Work Is Bad For You.

Apparently, The Obamas Chose New York City Because They've Gotten So Used To People Trying To Break Into Their House.

You've Never Had A Job That You Thought Was Secure. You Don't Think The Tonight Show Is Risk Free. Especially When You Saw What Happened With Your Buddy Conan O'brien. There Is Always A Plan B.i Am Ready To Apply To The Post Office.

There Are Reports That President Obama And His Family May Move To New York City After His Term Is Over. Unfortunately, The City Is So Expensive, He's Looking For Another Ex-president To Be Roommates With.

The Department Of Agriculture Announced That It Will Ban Six New Strains Of E. Coli. Which Explains Why The Hot Dog Vendor Outside My Building Is Now Just Selling Napkins.

I Know What You Want. And I Know What You Need. But I'm Gonna Screw It Up, Yeah, Cause I'm An Idiot. And I'm Your Boyfriend.

Department Store Santas Are Apparently Being Trained To Lower Children's Expectations About Toys Because Of The Recession. Yeah, It's Weird When You Ask Santa For A Train Set And He's Like, 'yeah, How 'bout A Bus Token?

Jeb Bush Is Facing Criticism After It Was Just Revealed That He Checked Off His Race As 'hispanic' On A Voter Registration Form Back In 2009. When Asked If He Regrets It Now, Bush Said, 'si.'

Republicans In Congress Are Getting Concerned That President Obama Will Try To Use The Final Year Of His Term To Push Through Too Many Controversial Laws. Obama Would've Responded But He Was Busy Drafting His New 'mandatory Mexican Gay Weed' Bill.

'have Fun' Is My Message. Be Silly. You're Allowed To Be Silly. There's Nothing Wrong With It.

New Scientist Magazine Reported That In The Future, Cars Could Be Powered By Hazelnuts. That's Encouraging, Considering An Eight-ounce Jar Of Hazelnuts Costs About Nine Dollars. Yeah, I've Got An Idea For A Car That Runs On Bald Eagle Heads And Faberge Eggs.

Thank You... Fantasy Football Draft, For Letting Me Know That Even In My Fantasies, I Am Bad At Sports.

Honestly, I Just Want To Keep People Awake. Or At Least Give You One Joke To Go To Bed With.

It's Being Reported That Google Spent Over $5 Million On Lobbying Just During The First Quarter Of This Year. You'd Think Google Wouldn't Really Need To Lobby Politicians. All They Have To Say Is, 'we Have Your Search History. Do What We Tell You.'

I Saw That On Small Business Saturday, The President Went Shopping At A Bookstore And Bought 17 Books, Including "the Laughing Monsters," "being Mortal," And "heart Of Darkness." Or As The Cashier Put It, "you Ok, Man? Maybe A Little 'chicken Soup For The Presidential Soul?'

Apparently President Obama's Favorite Cocktail Is A Martini. When Asked How He Likes It, He Said, 'on The Beach, In Hawaii, In 2017.'

My Dream Was To Grow Up And Get A Job At Ibm, Like My Dad. That Seemed Like A Logical Dream.

I Think You Just Look For The Person You Have The Most Fun With. And That's Enough. You Realize, "wait, I Can Just Keep Having Fun With Her Forever?" Yes, You Can Do That. That Is The Key.

Today Is 11/11/11, A Date So Simple Even Rick Perry Can Remember It.

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