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No One Teaches You How To Do This. How Do You Let Go Of Someone Who You Love So Much?

-Kathy Griffin

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No One Teaches You

Kathy Griffin

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No One Teaches You How To Do This. How Do You Let Go Of Someone Who You Love So Much?

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I Have A No-apology Policy.

I'll Be Honest, There's A Part Of Me That Does Think I'm Held To A Different Standard Than My Contemporaries And Peers, And It's A Little Frustrating.

No, I Love Montreal... I Think I Love Montreal More Than Montreal Loves Me... I Love The Food There.

I Think A Celebrity Survivor Would Be Great.

It Was A Nightmare Having Cameras In The House 10 Hours A Day For A Month.

Phoenix Is Great. I Love Phoenix, .. I Love Scottsdale. I Love The James Hotel. I Have A Kathy Griffin Suite. I Love -what's That Place Called? Az 88. I Had Never Had A Cheese Crisp, So I Went To - Oh, Can't Remember. We Went To The State Fair, Where I Was All About The Deep-fried Twinkie. I Ate Every Deep-fried Thing - Oh, It Was Heavenly. I Ate Until I Got Sick.

Well, My Whole Thing With Gossip Is I Couldn't Care Less If It's True.

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I Have What I Call A-list Moments, But Believe Me, I'm Still On The D-list.

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But If Something Funny Happens, I Can't Resist. I Have To Tell The People.

When My Pals In High School Were Starting To Drink, It Always Looked Unappealing To Me. I Would Be At A Big Party And See One Of The Popular Girls Or Football Players Completely Wasted And Puking And Acting A Fool, And Think To Myself, There Is Nothing Cool About That. I Never Wanted To Be That Out Of Control.

When I'm Going To See A Comedian, I Don't Want To See Them Hold Back, And When I'm Reading A Book, I Don't Want To Hear An Abridged Version.

Well, Jon Hamm Isn't A Real Celebrity.

Pretty Much Everywhere I Go, I'm Pretty Much Thinking I'm Going To Be Bounced. I Am Still The Outsider Who Snuck Into The Party. I Identify With The Regular Person, Because That Is Who I Am.

The Great Thing About Celebrity Culture Is That They Can't Seem To Stop Themselves From Displaying Their Ridiculous Behaviour. I Feel It's My Job As A Serious Investigative Journalist To Witness All Kinds Of Behaviour And Then Report Back To The Audience Through The Prism Of My Own Anger And Bitterness.

I Certainly Immerse Myself In As Many Crazy Hollywood Events As I Can Because You Never Know Where You Can Pick Up Material.

The Thing That Cracks Me Up Is How These Reality Characters Start Out Thrilled And Excited Just To Be On Television, And How They Move To Thinking They Are As Big As The Friends.

So Yes, I Say Things I Regret Constantly, And I Just Can't Help It.

I'm A Female In Comedy, So Of Course I Want There To Be More Women On 'snl', And Women Of Color.

So I Wonder If Anything Should Ever Be Off Limits.

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I Have A No-apology Policy. No Apologies For Jokes. I Apologize In My Real Life All The Time. I Say Ridiculous Things, I Make Mistakes Constantly. But When I'm On Stage, I'm At A Microphone It's A Joke!

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Why Would You Want To Keep The Bluebird Houses Mounted In A Place That You Now Know Is Unsafe For Them? Bluebirds Are Not Ornaments For Pictures, They Are Living Things That Deserve Your Best Effort If You Are Going To Be A Landlord To Them. There Is No Magic Spell That Will Protect Those Bluebirds--they Have To Depend On You Or They Are Doomed.

I'm Not An Artist. I Tell Inappropriate Stories And Jokes And I Try To Make People Laugh.

I'm Not Somebody Who No Matter Where I Go There Are Paparazzi Or Any Of That Nonsense. But I Have A Little Window Into That World And I Can Enter It And Dance Around. I Want To Be The Audience's Ticket Into The Party.

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I'm On Every Worst-dressed List Imaginable.

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