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I Am What You Call A Non-believer. I Don't Even Want To Say I'm An Atheist Because Frankly I Don't Want To Join Their Club Either. But The Point Is, I Am A Fallen Catholic, I'm Not Religious, And That's All Well And Good.

-Kathy Griffin

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I Am What You

Kathy Griffin

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I Am What You Call A Non-believer. I Don't Even Want To Say I'm An Atheist Because Frankly I Don't Want To Join Their Club Either. But The Point Is, I Am A Fallen Catholic, I'm Not Religious, And That's All Well And Good.

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A Lot Of Celebrities, Especially When You're Talking About The Really Big Ones, Live In What I Call The Fame Bubble. Nobody Ever Says No To Them Or Challenges Them Or Even Teases Them.

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I Grew Up In Chicago And Was A Huge Fan Of 'the Second City', So When I Moved To L.a., I Was Looking For Anything That Resembled That... Then I Started 'the Groundlings', So I Went To A Show And It Was Very Much Like 'second City'. I Was So Impressed That That Same Night I Went Backstage And I Went Up To The Funniest Person There.

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I Am What You Call A Non-believer. I Don't Even Want To Say I'm An Atheist Because Frankly I Don't Want To Join Their Club Either. But The Point Is, I Am A Fallen Catholic, I'm Not Religious, And That's All Well And Good.

Well, I Think That When I Perform On The Road I Always Thank The Audience For Buying A Ticket Because It's A Big Deal To Buy A Ticket For A Live Entertainment, Get A Baby-sitter And Pay For The Meal, The Parking, Whatever.

To Give Up My Job As A Temp And Actually Make A Living Doing Comedy, It Was Staggering.

I Constantly Say Things That I Regret. I Mortify Myself Constantly.

I Think A Celebrity Survivor Would Be Great.

My Act Has Always Reflected What's Going On In My Life.

I'm Not Always In That Good With Middle-aged Heterosexual Men.

That's Life When You're On The D-list.

It Was A Nightmare Having Cameras In The House 10 Hours A Day For A Month.

I Have To Tell You, Though, The Sexism In Late Night Talk Is So Profound.

A Lot Of Stars Don't Have A Sense Of Humor.

So Yes, I Say Things I Regret Constantly, And I Just Can't Help It.

My Act Is Based On My Life.

Well, My Whole Thing With Gossip Is I Couldn't Care Less If It's True.

Pretty Much Everywhere I Go, I'm Pretty Much Thinking I'm Going To Be Bounced. I Am Still The Outsider Who Snuck Into The Party. I Identify With The Regular Person, Because That Is Who I Am.

I Have What I Call A-list Moments, But Believe Me, I'm Still On The D-list.

So I Wonder If Anything Should Ever Be Off Limits.

There's One Thing That's Really Great About Waking Up Early, And It's Not Jogging Or Greeting The Day - It's Just That That's When They Make Doughnuts.

Well, The Coffeehouse Audiences Never Know What They're Going To Get, And All The Comics Are Different, As Opposed To When You Go To A Club, And They're Pretty Much All Telling Jokes With Set-ups And Punchlines. Coffeehouse Audiences Are The Most Forgiving: They Really Listen, Which Is The Best Part.

I'm A Female In Comedy, So Of Course I Want There To Be More Women On 'snl', And Women Of Color.

Food Is My Thing, I Do Not Smoke Or Drink, So Food Is My Vice.

I Have Friends Who Are Going Through Chemotherapy, And They Make The Darkest, Most Hideous Cancer Jokes You've Ever Heard.

No, I Love Montreal... I Think I Love Montreal More Than Montreal Loves Me... I Love The Food There.

I Do Road Gigs Occasionally But I Don't Want To Go Out On The Road For Months At A Time.

I Am In Love With Larry David.

I Love Doing [stand-up]. I Love Making People Laugh No Matter How. Whether It's A Commercial, Or A Tv Show, Or A Reality Show, Or A Talk Show, Or A Special, Or A Book. However I Can Make People Laugh, That's What I Want To Do.

No One Teaches You How To Do This. How Do You Let Go Of Someone Who You Love So Much?

I Did Feel Very Sexy And Desirable. Those Prisoners Looked At Me Like No Man Ever Did. I Don't Care How Many People They Killed.

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I Identify With The Regular Person, Because That Is Who I Am.

When My Pals In High School Were Starting To Drink, It Always Looked Unappealing To Me. I Would Be At A Big Party And See One Of The Popular Girls Or Football Players Completely Wasted And Puking And Acting A Fool, And Think To Myself, There Is Nothing Cool About That. I Never Wanted To Be That Out Of Control.

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The Beauty About The D-list Is That People Who Are On It Probably Don't Know They Are.

I Also Don't Have A Desire To Be On The A-list. I Feel More People Can Relate To The D-list Than The A-list.

I Also Love Mole, The Unsung Hero Of Reality Programming.

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Do You Remember A Little Phenom Called Step Aerobics? If You Do, Then You Know How Crazy It Was To Take Two Ninety-minute Classes In A Row. It’s Incredible That I Didn’t Die From A Blunt Injury To The Back Of My Head From Slipping On My Own Pool Of Sweat.

Always And Forever Is A Grandmothers Love

Always And Forever

I Have No Limits, No Filter, No Class, No Poise. No Decorum. Just Fun.

I'm Not An Artist. I Tell Inappropriate Stories And Jokes And I Try To Make People Laugh.

Oh, I Constantly Say Things That I Regret. I Mortify Myself Constantly. But That's Just Part Of The Deal. I'm Not Really Sure What's Going To Come Out Of My Mouth.

The Thing That Cracks Me Up Is How These Reality Characters Start Out Thrilled And Excited Just To Be On Television, And How They Move To Thinking They Are As Big As The Friends.

I'm Not Somebody Who No Matter Where I Go There Are Paparazzi Or Any Of That Nonsense. But I Have A Little Window Into That World And I Can Enter It And Dance Around. I Want To Be The Audience's Ticket Into The Party.

I'm Always Listening And Watching; My Ear Is Like A Boom Mike. And Judging, Frankly. Constantly Judging.

My Friend Anderson Cooper Is The Scion Of One Of America's Great Shipping And Railroad Families, The Vanderbilts.

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I Can Criticize Your Religion All I Want, And You Can Criticize Mine. I Don't Like This Whole Climate Of, 'you Can't Ever Say Anything Bad About The Group I'm In, Cause Every Group Is Untouchable.' We Can All Criticize Each Other And Engage In Debate All We Want.

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That's What I Loved About Temptation Island. I Don't Even Know Why They Did It.

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Were Meant To Be

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I'm Saying That She (whitney Houston) Looks Great For A Singer... The Way Courtney Love Is A Singer.

The Thing That Bums Me Out About 'the Real World' Is I Don't Want To Believe That Teenagers Are That Stupid.

I Love To Work. I Love Doing Standup.

I Certainly Immerse Myself In As Many Crazy Hollywood Events As I Can Because You Never Know Where You Can Pick Up Material.

It Was Sweaty Whitney (houston) In Central Park. She Knew That Park Pretty Well. Every Bush!

Why Would You Want To Keep The Bluebird Houses Mounted In A Place That You Now Know Is Unsafe For Them? Bluebirds Are Not Ornaments For Pictures, They Are Living Things That Deserve Your Best Effort If You Are Going To Be A Landlord To Them. There Is No Magic Spell That Will Protect Those Bluebirds--they Have To Depend On You Or They Are Doomed.

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I Have A No-apology Policy.

I Have A No-apology Policy. No Apologies For Jokes. I Apologize In My Real Life All The Time. I Say Ridiculous Things, I Make Mistakes Constantly. But When I'm On Stage, I'm At A Microphone It's A Joke!

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Life Is Adventure. Travel Is Adventure At A Different Address.

I'm Basically Always On Tour.

I Actually Have To Pick And Chose Stuff That I Know I'm Going To Bomb At.

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