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Men Don't Feel The Urge To Get Married As Quickly As Women Do Because Their Clothes All Button And Zip In The Front. Women's Dresses Usually Button And Zip In The Back. We Need Men Emotionally And Sexually, But We Also Need Men To Help Us Get Dressed.

-Rita Rudner

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Men Don't Feel The

Rita Rudner

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Men Don't Feel The Urge To Get Married As Quickly As Women Do Because Their Clothes All Button And Zip In The Front. Women's Dresses Usually Button And Zip In The Back. We Need Men Emotionally And Sexually, But We Also Need Men To Help Us Get Dressed.

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More From Rita Rudner

Men Hate To Lose. I Once Beat My Husband At Tennis. I Asked Him, "are We Going To Have Sex Again?" He Said, "yes, But Not With Each Other."

Men Like Phones With Lots Of Buttons. It Makes Them Feel Important.

Husband: A Man Who Buys His Football Tickets Four Months In Advance And Waits Until The Day Before His Anniversary To Buy His Wife A Gift.

You Know The Oxygen Masks On Airplanes? I Don't Think There's Really Any Oxygen. I Think They're Just To Muffle The Screams.

I Don't Plan To Grow Old Gracefully. I Plan To Have Face-lifts Until My Ears Meet.

My New Dress. Do You Like It? It's From My Favorite Designer, On Sale.

I Started Taking Ballet Lessons When I Was 4, And I Was Performing In Ballet Companies When I Was 10, And I Did Summer Stock In Miami Beach When I Was 12, And Finally I Said, 'i Gotta Go To Broadway.'

I Don't Look Back. I'm Like A Shark - I Only Look Forward.

I Love To Sleep. Do You? Isn't It Great? It Really Is The Best Of Both Worlds. You Get To Be Alive And Unconscious.

Neurotics Build Castles In The Air, Psychotics Live In Them. My Mother Cleans Them.

I Loved My Mother Very Much, But She Was Not A Good Cook. Most Turkeys Taste Better The Day After; My Mother's Tasted Better The Day Before. In Our House Thanksgiving Was A Time For Sorrow.

Most Men Are Secretly Still Mad At Their Mothers For Throwing Away Their Comic Books. They Would Be Valuable Now.

I Have Too Many Credit Cards. You Know What Happened? Someone Stole One And I Didn't Notice. I Noticed When I Got That Bill. Whoa! It Was So Much Less! I'm Letting Him Keep It. I'm Saving Money!

Marriages Don't Last. When I Meet A Guy, The First Question I Ask Myself Is: Is This The Man I Want My Children To Spend Their Weekends With?

Oh, My God. I've Just Told You How Old I Am. Nobody Knows How Old I Am. I'm Going To Have To Kill You Now.

Men Are Brave Enough To Go To War, But They Are Not Brave Enough To Get A Bikini Wax.

There Are Different Kinds Of Humor, Some Is Sarcastic, Some Introspective. Introspective Fit My Personality Better.

Not One Man In A Beer Commercial Has A Beerbelly.

Men Like Cars, Women Like Clothes. Women Only Like Cars Because They Take Them To Clothes.

I'll Never Understand Why People Go To Movie Theaters To Have Conversations. Going To The Movies To Talk Is Like Going To A Restaurant To Cook. The Idea Is That You Have Paid Your Money To Have Someone Do Something Better Than You Can Do It Yourself.

In High School I Was Voted The Girl Most Likely To Become A Nun. That May Not Be Impressive To You, But It Was Quite An Accomplishment At The Hebrew Academy.

You Know It's Love When You Want To Keep Holding Hands Even After You're Sweaty.

I Work For Myself, Which Is Fun. Except When I Call In Sick, I Know I'm Lying.

Marrying A Divorced Man Is Ecologically Responsible; In A World Where There Are More Women Than Men, It Pays To Recycle.

Men Have An Easier Time Buying Bathing Suits. Women Have Two Types: Depressing And More Depressing. Men Have Two Types: Nerdy And Not Nerdy.

Natural Childbirth Scares Me. I Think Before You Have Natural Childbirth You Should Find Out How Big The Baby Is. Three Pounds -- Natural Childbirth. Anything Over Three Pounds -- Heroin.

A Saleslady Holds Up An Ugly Dress And Says, 'this Looks Much Better On.' On What? On Fire?

If A Man Prepares Dinner For You And The Salad Contains Three Or More Types Of Lettuce, He Is Serious.

Men Don't Live Well By Themselves. They Don't Even Live Like People. They Live Like Bears With Furniture.

Wives Are People Who Think It's Against The Law Not To Answer The Phone When It Rings.

I Get So Happy When I Write A Joke. It's A Very Satisfying, Liberating Feeling.

Men Who Tell You They Read The Ann Summers Catalogue For The Articles Are Lying

My Mother Was The Worst Cook Ever. In School, When We Traded Lunches, I Had To Throw In An Article Of Clothing.

Only Men Who Have Worn A Ski Suit Understand How Complicated It Is For A Woman To Go To The Bathroom When She's Wearing A Jumpsuit.

I Had No Desire To Be A Stand-up Comic Until I Decided To Do It.

Never Play Peek-a-boo With A Child On A Long Plane Trip. There's No End To The Game. Finally I Grabbed Him By The Bib And Said, "look, It's Always Gonna Be Me!"

If You Like Easygoing, Monogamous Men, Stay Away From Billionaires.

I Have Been Doing Leg Lifts Faithfully For About Fifteen Years, And The Only Thing That Has Gotten Thinner Is The Carpet Where I Have Been Doing The Leg Lifts.

All Men Are Afraid Of Eyelash Curlers. They Don't Understand Them, And They Don't Want To Get Near Them. I Sleep With One Under My Pillow, Instead Of A Gun.

I Had Teeth That Stuck Out So Far, I Used To Eat Other Kids' Candy Bars By Accident.

Men Reach Their Sexual Peak At Eighteen. Women Reach Theirs At Thirty-five. Do You Get The Feeling That God Is Playing A Practical Joke?

I Got Kicked Out Of Ballet Class Because I Pulled A Groin Muscle. It Wasn't Mine.

I Paid Attention To Not Being A Comedian, And Just Concentrated On Being Who I Was. That Is What You Have To Do. If You Say You Are A Comedian That Has Been Done Before. If You Just Be Who You Are Then You Are Unique. Everyone Is Unique.

There Is A Woman Who Swam Around Manhattan, And I Asked Her, Why? She Said, It Hadn't Ever Been Done Before. Well, She Didn't Have To Do That. If She Wanted To Something No One Had Ever Done Before, All She Had To Do Was Vacuum My Apartment.

After You've Dated Someone It Should Be Legal To Stamp Them With What's Wrong With Them So The Next Person Doesn't Have To Start From Scratch.

All Men Would Still Really Like To Own A Train Set.

Commitment Is Different In Males And Females. In Females It Is A Desire To Get Married And Raise A Family. In Males It Means Not Picking Up Other Women While Out With One's Girlfriend.

Men Don't Mature. Marry A Younger One.

One Of My First Office Jobs Was Cleaning The Windows On Brown Envelopes.

Men Do Not Like To Admit To Even Momentary Imperfection. My Husband Forgot The Code To Turn Off The Alarm. When The Police Came, He Wouldn't Admit He'd Forgotten The Code... He Turned Himself In.

I'm A Very Simple Person. I'm Very Shallow. Shallow, Simple, Easily Pleased: That's Me.

How Come When You Mix Water And Flour Together You Get Glue...and Then You Add Eggs And Sugar And You Get Cake? Where Does The Glue Go?

I Can See Close Up And My Husband Can See Far Away, So We're Covered. He Tells Me Who's In The Movie And I Tell Him What's In His Sandwich. Together We're Human Bifocals.

Men Who Write Love Letters Don't Live In This Century.

When Four Or More Men Get Together, They Talk About Sports.

No Man Is Charming All Of The Time. Even Cary Grant Is On Record Saying He Wished He Could Be Cary Grant.

We've Begun To Long For The Pitter-patter Of Little Feet - So We Bought A Dog. Well, It's Cheaper, And You Get More Feet.

I Never Panic When I Get Lost. I Just Change Where It Is I Want To Go.

My Boyfriend And I Broke Up. He Wanted To Get Married And I Didn't Want Him To.

Men Who Have A Pierced Ear Are Better Prepared For Marriage - They've Experienced Pain And Bought Jewelry.

Los Angeles Is A Very Transient Town. It's The Only Place I Know Where You Can Actually Rent A Dog.

Cats Are A Waste Of Fur.

Men Own Basketball Teams. Every Year Cheerleaders' Outfits Get Tighter And Briefer, And Players' Shorts Get Baggier And Longer.

The Older Theory Was, Marry An Older Man Because They're More Mature. But The New Theory Is Men Don't Mature. Marry A Younger One.

Men In High Levels Of Government Seldom Surf.

I Don't Think Jogging Is Healthy, Especially Morning Jogging. If Morning Joggers Knew How Tempting They Looked To Morning Motorists, They Would Stay Home And Do Sit-ups.

Men Forget Everything; Women Remember Everything. That's Why Men Need Instant Replay In Sports. They've Already Forgotten What's Happened.

I Knew So Little About Money I Used To Sign My Check, "love, Rita."

When Men Break Up They Want To Remain Friends. Why? Why Can't They Just Get Lost?

My Mother Is Such A Lousy Cook That Thanksgiving At Her House Is A Time Of Sorrow.

Women Are More Accommodating. If A Woman Drinks The Last Glass Of Apple Juice In The Refrigerator, She'll Make More Apple Juice. If A Man Drinks The Last Glass Of Apple Juice, He'll Just Put Back The Empty Container.

I Don't Like When There's Too Much Conversation Because I'm Shy And It Makes Me Uncomfortable.

Men Don't Feel The Urge To Get Married As Quickly As Women Do Because Their Clothes All Button And Zip In The Front. Women's Dresses Usually Button And Zip In The Back. We Need Men Emotionally And Sexually, But We Also Need Men To Help Us Get Dressed.

I Love Being Married. It's So Great To Find That One Special Person You Want To Annoy For The Rest Of Your Life.

A Man Will Go To War, Fight And Die For His Country. But He Won't Get A Bikini Wax.

All Men Look Nerdy In Black Socks And Sandals.

I Read Recipes The Same Way I Read Science Fiction. I Get To The End And Say To Myself "well, That's Not Going To Happen

We Live In Los Angeles, Where You Are Expected To Move Every Two To Four Years, So People Can See How Well Your Career Is Going.

An Amicable Divorce Is Like A Ventilated Condom; It Just Doesn't Work.

Men Who Listen To Classical Music Tend Not To Spit.

Some People Think Having Large Breasts Makes A Woman Stupid. Actually, It's Quite The Opposite: A Woman Having Large Breasts Makes Men Stupid.

I Love To Write Jokes And That's All I Think About.

I Just Love Dogs, And There Really Is No Better Companion Than An Animal.

Buying Something On Sale Is A Very Special Feeling. In Fact, The Less I Pay For Something, The More It Is Worth To Me.

I Don't Want To Push The Envelope. Let The Envelope Stay In The Middle Of The Table. I'll Just Make You Laugh.

I Wonder If Other Dogs Think Poodles Are Members Of A Weird Religious Cult.

The Word 'aerobics' Came About When The Gym Instructors Got Together And Said: If We're Going To Charge $10 An Hour, We Can't Call It Jumping Up And Down.

I Never Know What To Get My Father For His Birthday. I Gave Him A Hundred Dollars And Said, 'buy Yourself Something That Will Make Your Life Easier.' So He Went Out And Bought A Present For My Mother.

The Way A Man Looks At Himself In A Mirror Will Tell You If He Can Ever Care About Anyone Else.

Someday I Want To Be Rich. Some People Get So Rich They Lose All Respect For Humanity. That's How Rich I Want To Be.

I Have A Hold Limit That I've Set For Myself. I Hold Until I Start To Imagine Myself Killing The Person On The Other End. Then I Hang Up And Regroup.

I'm Not Sure If My Husband Is Going To Be There When I Actually Have The Baby. He Said The Only Way He's Going To Be In The Room When There's A Delivery Is If There's A Pizza Involved.

My Father Watched Football With The Sound Off Because He Lived In Fear Of Hearing The Voice Of Howard Cosell.

My Parents Always Told Me I Could Do Anything, But Never Told Me How Long It Would Take

Individuality In Dressing Is Not Important To Men. If They All Look Alike It Means They Haven't Made A Mistake.

Buying Something On Sale Is A Very Special Feeling. In Fact, The Less I Pay For Something, The More It Is Worth To Me. I Have A Dress That I Paid So Little For That I Am Afraid To Wear It. I Could Spill Something On It, And Then How Would I Replace It For That Amount Of Money?

Men Would Like Monogamy Better If It Sounded Less Like Monotony.

Yes, I've Now Got This Nice Little Apartment In New York, One Of Those L-shaped Ones. Unfortunately, It's A Lower Case L.

All Men Look At Dr. Ruth And Wonder How She Has Gained All That Sexual Experience.

The Time You Spend Grieving Over A Man Should Never Exceed The Amount Of Time You Actually Spent With Him

Men Are Sensitive In Strange Ways. If A Man Has Built A Fire And The Last Log Does Not Burn, He Will Take It Personally.

I Want To Have Young Children Although My Mother And Father Are Even Now Young Sufficient To Just Take Care Of Them.

A Good Place To Meet A Man Is At The Dry Cleaner. These Men Usually Have Jobs And Bathe.

If You Buy Your Husband Or Boyfriend A Video Camera, For The First Few Weeks He Has It, Lock The Door When You Go To The Bathroom. Most Of My Husband's Early Films End With A Scream And A Flush.

I Hate Learning Through Experience. Just Once I'd Like To Learn Something Because Someone Was Nice Enough To Tell Me In Advance.

Nobody Is Really Happy With What's On Their Head. People With Straight Hair Want Curly, People With Curly Want Straight, And Bald People Want Everyone To Be Blind.

Men Have Better Self-images Than Women. You Know What I've Never Seen In A Men's Magazine? A Makeover.

Human Nature Is Largely Something That Has To Be Overcome.

Going Out To Eat Is Expensive. I Was Out At One Restaurant And They Didn't Have Prices On The Menu. Just Faces With Different Expressions Of Horror.

The Logic Was, There Weren't Too Many Female Comedians, So I Thought I Might As Well Try A Field That Had Fewer Competitors Than The Field I Was In, Which Was Acting, Singing And Dancing.

Men Don't Get Cellulite. God Might Just Be A Man.

I Suffer From Peroxide Phobia. Every Time I've Gotten Near A Blond Woman, Something Of Mine Has Disappeared. Jobs, Boyfriends... One Time An Angora Sweater Leaped Right Off My Body.

Men Have Higher Body Temperatures Than Women. If Your Heating Goes Out In Winter, I Recommend Sleeping Next To A Man. Men Are Like Portable Heaters That Snore.

Never Take Candy From Strangers.

Some Women Hold Up Dresses That Are So Ugly And They Always Say The Same Thing: 'this Looks Much Better On.' On What? On Fire?

My Husband And I Are Either Going To Buy A Dog Or Have A Child. We Can't Decide Whether To Ruin Our Carpet Or Ruin Our Lives.

Men Who Consistently Leave The Toilet Seat Up Secretly Want Women To Get Up To Go The Bathroom In The Middle Of The Night And Fall In.

I Love To Shop After A Bad Relationship. I Don't Know. I Buy A New Outfit And It Makes Me Feel Better. It Just Does. Sometimes I See A Really Great Outfit, I'll Break Up With Someone On Purpose.

Before I Met My Husband, I'd Never Fallen In Love. I'd Stepped In It A Few Times.

When I Was A Kid, I Had Two Friends, And They Were Imaginary And They Would Only Play With Each Other.

To Attract Men, I Wear A Perfume Called 'new Car Interior.'

Men Are Self-confident Because They Grow Up Identifying With Super-heroes. Women Have Bad Self-images Because They Grow Up Identifying With Barbie.

Men Like To Barbecue. Men Will Cook If Danger Is Involved.

Men Do Cry, But Only When Assembling Furniture.

All Men Think That They're Nice Guys. Some Of Them Are Not. Contact Me For A List Of Names.

I Like Whomever To Come To My Shows. I Want People Who Want To See Me To Come See Me. I Don't Want To Force People. I Don't Want It To Feel Like A Job!

They Usually Have Two Tellers In My Local Bank, Except When It's Very Busy, When They Have One.

I Had The Most Boring Office Job In The World...i Used To Clean The Windows On Envelopes.

My Parents Were Glad To See That My New Husband Looks Like A 'regular Guy'-no Earring Or Anything. But Really I Think A Man With An Earring Is Better Prepared For Marriage. I Mean, He's Already Experienced Pain And Bought Jewelry.

Be Careful Of Men Who Are Bald And Rich; The Arrogance Of "rich" Usually Cancels Out The Nice Of "bald".

Most Women Are Introspective: "am I In Love? Am I Emotionally And Creatively Fulfilled?" Most Men Are Outrospective: "did My Team Win? How's My Car?"

I Want To Have Children, But My Friends Scare Me. One Of My Friends Told Me She Was In Labor For 36 Hours. I Don't Even Want To Do Anything That Feels Good For 36 Hours.

At The End Of Every Year, I Add Up The Time That I Have Spent On The Phone On Hold And Subtract It From My Age. I Don't Count That Time As Really Living. I Spend More And More Time On Hold Each Year. By The Time I Die, I'm Going To Be Quite Young.

I Was Going With Someone For A Few Years, But We Broke Up. It Was One Of Those Things. He Wanted To Get Married, And I Didn't Want Him To.

Don't Try To Teach Men How To Do Anything In Public. They Can Learn In Private; In Public They Have To Know.

If You're Dating A Man Who You Think Might Be "mr. Right," If He A) Got Older, B) Got A New Job, Or C) Visited A Psychiatrist, You Are In For A Nasty Surprise. The Cocoon-to-butterfly Theory Only Works On Cocoons And Butterflies.

My Grandmother Was A Very Tough Woman. She Buried Three Husbands And Two Of Them Were Just Napping.

Her Idea Of A Romantic Setting Is One That Has A Diamond In It. If You Feel The Need To Marry A Doctor, I Suggest A Dermatologist. Good Hours, Free Retin-a.

Men Accept Compliments Much Better Than Women Do. Example: "mitch, You Look Great." Mitch: "thanks." On The Other Side: "ruth, You Look Great." Ruth: "i Do? Must Be The Lighting."

Good Weather All The Week, But Come The Weekend The Weather Stinks. When The Weather Is Too Hot They Complain, Too Cold They Complain, And When It's Just Right, They're Watching Tv.

I Was Going To Have Cosmetic Surgery Until I Noticed That The Doctor's Office Was Full Of Portraits By Picasso.

How Can I Have Morning Sickness When I Don't Get Up Till Noon?

Funny Inspirational

Men Who Can Eat Anything They Want And Not Gain Weight Should Do It Out Of Sight Of The Women They're Married To.

The Closest I Ever Came To A Menage-a-trois Was When I Dated A Schizophrenic.

Why Are Women Wearing Perfumes That Smell Like Flowers To Attract Men? Men Don't Like Flowers. I Have A Great Idea For A Scent That Will Attract Men - How About "new Car Interior"?

I Get A Lot Of Return Business. I Think It's All Those Years I Put In Traveling Around The Country; People Saw Me Before And Had A Good Time So They Want To See Me Again.

I Rationalize Shop. I Buy A Dress Because I Need Change For Gum.

Men Love Watches With Multiple Functions. My Husband Has One That Is A Combination Address Book, Telescope And Piano.

I Admire The Pope. I Have A Lot Of Respect For Anyone Who Can Tour Without An Album.

When I Eventually Met Mr. Right I Had No Idea That His First Name Was Always.

My Father Was Never Very Friendly. When I Was Growing Up, I Thought The Doorbell Ringing Was A Signal To Pretend You Weren't Home.

I Just Don't Get Cats. To Me, They're A Waste Of Fur.

Men Who Drink Herbal Teas Are Seldom Serial Killers.

My Husband Gave Me A Necklace. It's Fake. I Requested Fake. Maybe I'm Paranoid, But In This Day And Age, I Don't Want Something Around My Neck That's Worth More Than My Head.

My Husband Is So Confident That When He Watches Sports On Television, He Thinks That If He Concentrates He Can Help His Team. If The Team Is In Trouble, He Coaches The Players From Our Living Room, And If They're Really In Trouble, I Have To Get Off The Phone In Case They Call Him.

Blondes Have More Fun, Don't They? They Must. How Many Brunettes Do You See Walking Down The Street With Blond Roots?

I Was A Vegetarian Until I Started Leaning Toward The Sunlight.

... Life Is Broken Down Into These Stages: You're Born And You Don't Know How Anything Works; Gradually You Find Out How Everything Works; Technology Evolves And Slowly There Are A Few Things You Can't Work; At The End, You Don't Know How Anything Works.

Women Take Clothing Much More Seriously Than Men. I've Never Seen A Man Walk Into A Party And Say "oh, My God, I'm So Embarrassed; Get Me Out Of Here. There's Another Man Wearing A Black Tuxedo.

Impulse Buying Is Not Macho. Men Rarely Call The Home Shopping Network.

If Your Husband Has Difficulty Getting To Sleep, The Words 'we Need To Talk About Our Relationship' May Help.

I'm Going To Start Water Skiing Someday...as Soon As I Can Separate It From Being Dragged By A Boat.

Eye Contact Is A Method Utilised By A Single Woman To Communicate To A Man That She Is Interested In Him. Many Women Find It Difficult To Look A Man Directly In The Eyes, Not Because Of Shyness, But Because A Woman's Eyes Are Not Located In Her Chest.

Men Who Are Going Bald Often Wear Baseball Caps.

Thirty, I Really Like You But I Still Have To See Other People.

Envy The Kangaroo. That Pouch Setup Is Extraordinary; The Baby Crawls Out Of The Womb When It Is About Two Inches Long, Gets Into The Pouch, And Proceeds To Mature. I'd Have A Baby If It Would Develop In My Handbag.

It Wasn't That No One Asked Me To The Prom, It Was That No One Would Tell Me Where It Was.

Men Love To Be The First To Read The Newspaper In The Morning. Not Being The First Is Upsetting To Their Psyches.

Men Will Now Get Up And Walk With The Baby In The Middle Of The Night, Change Its Diapers, And Give It A Bottle, But In Their Heart Of Hearts They Still Think They Shouldn't Have To.

Halloween Was Confusing. All My Life My Parents Said, "never Take Candy From Strangers." And Then They Dressed Me Up And Said, "go Beg For It." I Didn't Know What To Do. I'd Knock On People's Doors And Go, "trick Or Treat."

I Worry About Las Vegas Schools. I Hear In Math, They Only Teach Them To Count To 21.

I Jogged For Three Miles Once. It Was The Worst Three Hours Of My Life.

I Know I Want To Have Children While My Parents Are Still Young Enough To Take Care Of Them.

It Takes Six Months To Get Into Shape And Two Weeks To Get Out Of Shape. Once You Know This You Can Stop Being Angry About Other Things In Life And Only Be Angry About This.

I Burned Sixty Calories. That Should Take Care Of A Peanut I Had In 1962.

When You're A Dancer, You Start With The Basics. You Don't All Of A Sudden Do A Grand Jete And Pirouette. You Start With First Position, Second, Third.

I Adore Being Hitched. It's So Extraordinary To Discover One Unique Individual You Need To Irritate For Whatever Remains Of Your Life.

Most Turkeys Taste Better The Day After; My Mother's Tasted Better The Day Before.

I Was A Ballerina. I Had To Quit After I Injured A Groin Muscle. It Wasn't Mine.

Waiters And Waitresses Are Becoming Nicer And Much More Caring. I Used To Pay My Check, They Would Say "thank You." That's Now Escalated Into "you Care Care Of Yourself, Now." The Other Day I Paid My Check And The Waiter Said, "don't Put Off That Mammogram."

When I Want To End A Relationship I Just Say, 'you Know, I Love You. I Want To Marry You. I Want To Have Your Children.' Sometimes They Leave Skid Marks.

In Hollywood A Marriage Is A Success If It Outlasts Milk.

Men Are Less Sentimental Than Women. No Man Has Ever Seen The Movie The Way We Were Twice, Voluntarily.

Most Of The Men Sitting In First Class On An Airplane Have Really Boring Jobs.

Men Are Very Confident People. Even A Sixty-year-old Man With No Arms Thinks He Could Play In The Super Bowl If He Had To.

When A Woman Tries On Clothing From Her Closet That Feels Tight, She Will Assume She Has Gained Weight. When A Man Tries Something From His Closet That Feels Tight, He Will Assume The Clothing Has Shrunk.

Life Is Tough Enough Without Having Someone Kick You From The Inside.

Funny Inspirational

My Cousin Just Got Married For The Totally Wrong Reasons. She Married A Man For Money. She Wasn't Real Subtle About It. Instead Of Calling Him Her Fiancé, She Kept Calling Him Her Financee.

If It's Attention You Want, Don't Get Involved With A Man During Play-off Season.

My Vegas Act Is How I Make My Money.

If I Say A Joke And The Audience Laughs It Makes Me Feel Good.

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