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Kim Jong Un Shaved His Eyebrows And Got His Hair Sticking Right Up. How Would You Like The Leader Of Your Country Looking Like Lady Gaga? Even Dennis Rodman Told Him He Looks Weird.

-David Letterman

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Kim Jong Un Shaved

David Letterman

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Kim Jong Un Shaved His Eyebrows And Got His Hair Sticking Right Up. How Would You Like The Leader Of Your Country Looking Like Lady Gaga? Even Dennis Rodman Told Him He Looks Weird.

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Life Experience

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Why We Are Here: To Tremble At The Terrible Beauty Of The Stars, To Shed A Tear At The Perfection Of Beethoven's Symphonies, And To Crack A Cold One Now And Then.

President Obama Is In China. Also In China Is Evil Russian Dictator Vladimir Putin. They're Both In China At The Same Time. It's Like Running Into Your Ex-girlfriend On Vacation.

Arnold Is Now The Front Runner. Everyone Was Snickering About It A Month Ago, Now It Looks Like He Will Be The Next Governor Of California. He Is So Confident He Has Already Chosen A Body Oil For The Inauguration.

I Like That Sarah Palin. She Looks Like The Flight Attendant Who Won't Give You A Second Can Of Pepsi ... She Looks Like The Nurse Who Weighs You And Then Makes You Sit Alone In Your Underwear For 20 Minutes ... She Looks Like A Real Estate Agent Whose Picture You See On The Bus Stop Bench ... She Looks Like The Hygienist Who Makes You Feel Guilty About Not Flossing ... She Looks Like The Relieved Mom In A Tide Commercial.

Number One Way Life Would Be Different If Dogs Ran The World: All Motorists Must Drive With Head Out Window.

Do You Know What I'm Going To Do When I Retire? I Hope To Become The New Face Of Scientology.

Here's A Woman, A Real Pioneer For Other Women Looking For Careers In Stand-up Comedy. And Talk About Guts - She Would Come Out Here And Sit In This Chair And Say Some Things That Were Unbelievable - Where You Would Have To Swallow Pretty Hard... But It Was Hilarious... The Force Of Her Comedy Was Overpowering.

The Bush Campaign For Re-election Has Officially Begun. They're Actually Running Television Commercials. Have You Seen Any Of The Television Commercials? In One Of The Commercials, You See George Bush For Thirty Seconds. In Another Commercial, You Get To See George Bush For Sixty Seconds - Kind Of Like His Stint In The National Guard.

Television Commercials

This Will Be Michelle Obama's Last Opportunity To Try To Get Me To Eat Kale.

A Small Handgun Makes Any Tv Remote Control.

Mitt Romney Is Not Going To Be Running For President. So You Know What That Means. We Are Getting Closer And Closer To 'president Trump.'

When I Was A Kid In Indiana, We Thought It Would Be Fun To Get A Turkey A Year Ahead Of Time And Feed It And So On For The Following Thanksgiving. But By The Time Thanksgiving Came Around, We Sort Of Thought Of The Turkey As A Pet, So We Ate The Dog. Only Kidding. It Was The Cat!

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