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In Britain We Have A Very Powerful Tabloid Culture With Celebrities On The Front Page Crying With Their Make-up Smeared And Tears, And It's Kind Of What You'd Expect From Someone Who Likes To Dress Up That Way.

-Eddie Izzard

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In Britain We Have

Eddie Izzard

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In Britain We Have A Very Powerful Tabloid Culture With Celebrities On The Front Page Crying With Their Make-up Smeared And Tears, And It's Kind Of What You'd Expect From Someone Who Likes To Dress Up That Way.

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I Saw Something In A Program On Something In Miami, And They Were Saying, "we've Redecorated This Building To How It Looked Over 50 Years Ago!" And People Were Going, "no, Surely Not, No. No One Was Alive Then."

You Piss Me Off You Salmon... You're Too Expensive In Restaurants.

I Don't Know What It's Like In The U.s. But Immigrants In The U.k. Do The Jobs The Citizens Won't Do.

You're Gay, You Sell Books... You Probably Shag The Books.

Queen Victoria, One Of Our More Frumpy Queen's. They're All Frumpy Aren't They? Because It's A Bad Idea When Cousin's Marry.

But With Dogs, We Do Have "bad Dog." Bad Dog Exists. "bad Dog! Bad Dog! Stole A Biscuit, Bad Dog!" The Dog Is Saying, "who Are You To Judge Me? You Human Beings Who’ve Had Genocide, War Against People Of Different Creeds, Colors, Religions, And I Stole A Biscuit?! Is That A Crime? People Of The World!" "well, If You Put It That Way, I Think You’ve Got A Point. Have Another Biscuit, Sorry.

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I Am A Professional Transvestite, So I Can Run About In Heels And Not Fall Over.

If You've Never Seen An Elephant Ski, Then You've Never Been On Acid.

Because We All Know One Of The Main Factors Of War Is The Element Of Surprise. And What Could Be More Surprising Than The First Batallion Transvestite Brigade? Airborne Wing.

There's Not Much Makeup In The Army, Is There? No. They Only Have That Nighttime Look, And That's A Bit Slapdash, Isn't It?

If You're Trying To Get A Bit Of Attention, You Can Smash Up Your Hotel Room Or Spend All Your Time Going To Openings Or Doing The Gossip Column Thing. I Just Decided To Do Gigs In French, German, Spanish, And In America.

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