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If I Had My Way," Dionysus Said, "i Would Cause Your Molecules To Erupt In Flames. We'd Sweep Up The Ashes And Be Done With A Lot Of Trouble. But Chiron Seems To Feel This Would Be Against My Mission At This Cursed Camp: To Keep You Little Brats Safe From Harm." "spontaneous Combustion Is A Form Of Harm, Mr. D," Chiron Put In. "nonsense," Dionysus Said. "boy Wouldn't Feel A Thing. Nevertheless, I've Agreed To Restrain Myself. I'm Thinking Of Turning You Into A Dolphin Instead, Sending You Back To Your Father.

-Rick Riordan

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If I Had My

Rick Riordan

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If I Had My Way," Dionysus Said, "i Would Cause Your Molecules To Erupt In Flames. We'd Sweep Up The Ashes And Be Done With A Lot Of Trouble. But Chiron Seems To Feel This Would Be Against My Mission At This Cursed Camp: To Keep You Little Brats Safe From Harm." "spontaneous Combustion Is A Form Of Harm, Mr. D," Chiron Put In. "nonsense," Dionysus Said. "boy Wouldn't Feel A Thing. Nevertheless, I've Agreed To Restrain Myself. I'm Thinking Of Turning You Into A Dolphin Instead, Sending You Back To Your Father.

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Do You Always Try To Kill People When They Blow Their Nose?

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It Was If The City Knew About Percy's Dream Of Gaea. It Knew That The Earth Goddess Intended On Razing All Human Civilization, And This City, Which Had Stood For Thousands If Years, Was Saying Back At Her: You Wanna Dissolve This City, Dirt Face? Give It A Shot. In Other Words, It Was The Coach Hedge Of Mortal Cities- Only Taller.

He Nodded Nervously. ‘he Looks Like A Magician. I Hate Magicians. They Usually Have Rabbits.’ I Stared At Him. ‘you’re Scared Of Bunnies?’ ‘blah-hah-hah! They’re Big Bullies. Always Stealing Celery From Defenceless Satyrs.

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You Know What Would Help This Boy?" Demeter Mused. "farming." Persephone Rolled Her Eyes. "mother-" "six Months Behind A Plow. Excellent Character Building.

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Stop Smiling!” She Ordered. “i Can See You, Carter. Oh…and, Uh, Hullo, Walt.” The Pot Monster Made Squeaky Grinding Noises As It Stood Up Straight. One Clunky Arm Rose And Tried To Fix Sadie’s Nonexistent Hair. Leave It To Sadie To Be Self-conscious Around Boys, Even When She’s Made Out Of Pots And Duct Tape.

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I Love Teaching. I Love Working With Kids... Maybe Some Day I'll Go Back To The Classroom. I'm Not Ready To Say It'll Never Happen.

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Leo: “i Can’t Believe I Thought You Were Hot.” Khione’s Face Turned Red. “hot? You Dare Insult Me? I Am Cold, Leo Valdez. Very, Very Cold.

A Weapon, I Told Horus. I Need A Weapon. I Reached Into The Duat And Pulled Out An Ostrich Feather. “really?” I Yelled. Horus Didn’t Answer

Leo Valdez Deserved A Special Punishment," She [khione] Said. "i Have Sent Him To A Place From Which He Can Never Return.

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The Set Animal’s Jaws Were Pried Open So Fast That It Yelped And Let Go Of My Arm. I Stood, Now Encased In A Magical Barrier Twice My Normal Size, And Kicked Leroy Into A Wall. Good! Said Horus. Now Dispatch The Beast To The Netherworld! Quiet Man. I’m Doing All The Work.

Waitress!" Hedge Called. "six Double Espressos, And Whatever These Guys Want. Put It On The Girl's Tab.

Beckendorf Closed Eyes Tight And Brought His Hand Up To His Watch. From That Distance, The Explosion Shook The World. Heat Seared The Back Of My Head. The Princess Andromeda Blew Up From Both Sides, A Massive Fireball Of Green Flame Roiling Into The Dark Sky, Consuming Everything....i Stared Out The Window Into Deep Blue Water. Beckendorf Was Supposed To Go To College In The Fall. He Had A Girlfriend, Lots Of Friends, His Whole Life Ahead Of Him. He Couldn't Be Gone.

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The House Is In The House" Chapter 38

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The Metal Blade Hit Her Shoulder And Passed Cleanthrough Her Body As If She Were Made Of Water. Hisss!

If I'm Going To Survive, It Won't Be Because I Have A Lion-skin Cloak. I'm Not Hercules.

I Should Throw You Off This Building Minus The Flying Horse And See How Heroic You Sound On The Way Down.

Sometimes It Is Better To Have Someone You Mistrust Close To You, So That You Can Keep An Eye On Him - Chiron

And It Was Pretty Much The Best Underwater Kiss Of All Time.

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Yes,' She Said. 'the Great Prophecy Has Begun.' Pandemonium Broke Out.

Set’s Storm Is Gathering,” Amos Said With A Twinkle In His Eyes. “shall We Drive Into Is?

According To Festus, Our Flying Table, Buford, Made It Back Safely While We Were In Charleston, So Those Eagles Didn't Get Him. Unfortunately, He Lost The Laundry Bag With Your Pants." "dang It!" Frank Barked, Which Leo Figured Was Probably Severe Profanity For Him. No Doubt Frank Would've Cursed Some More -busting Out The Golly Gees And The Gosh Darns- But Percy Interrupted By Doubling Over And Groaning. "did The World Just Turn Upside Down?" He Asked. Jason Pressed His Hands To His Head. "yeah, And It's Spinning. Everything Is Yellow. Is It Supposed To Be Yellow?

Everybody Loves To Show Up At The Party Once All The Hard Work Is Done.

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The Cafe Windows Wrapped All The Way Around The Observation Floor, Which Gave Us A Beautiful Panoramic View Of The Skeleton Army That Had Come To Kill Us.

Annabeth:my Fatal Flaw. That's What The Sirens Showed Me. My Fatal Flaw Is Hubris. Percy: The Brown Stuff They Spread On Veggie Sandwiches? Annabeth:no, Seaweed Brain. That's Hummus. Hubris Is Worse. Percy: What Could Be Worse Than Hummus? Annabeth: Hubris Means Deadly Pride, Percy. Thinking You Can Do Things Better Than Anyone Else... Even The Gods.

The World May Need Fixing, But It's Worth Preserving.

Great," Percy Said. "seven Of Us Against Hercules." "and A Satyr!" Hedge Added. "we Can Take Him.

I Had A Crush On Percy," Nico Spat. "that's The Truth. That's The Big Secret.

I've Never Been A Collector - Just A Consumer - And These Days Unless A Book Is Signed To Me By Another Author, I Don't Normally Have Any Qualms About Passing It To A Friend Or Donating It To The Library.

I Nodded, Looking At Rachel With Respect. "you Hit The Lord Of The Titans In The Eye With A Blue Plastic Hairbrush.

Makes Us Appreciate Blessing, Not Be Greedy And Mean And Fat Like Polyphemus.

Think Long And Hard About How You Proceed, Nico Di Angelo. You Cannot Lie To Cupid. If You Let Your Anger Rule You... Well, Your Fate Will Be Even Sadder Then Mine.

Well, Actually It Carried Cadmus. Europa Fell Off And Died Along The Way, But That's Not Important.' It Was Probably Important To Her.

Gods Forbid If She Ever Broke Up With Him. She'd Never Be Able To Visit The Sea Again Without Remembering Her Broken Heart. Annabeth About Percy

We Were Absolutely Destined To Meet Your Hot Sister

Wonderful, Annabeth Thought. Her Own Mother, The Most Levelheaded Olympian, Was Reduced To A Raving, Vicious Scatterbrain In A Subway Station. And, Of All The Gods Who Might Help Them, The Only Ones Not Affected By The Greek-roman Schism Seemed To Be Aphrodite, Nemesis And Dionysus. Love, Revenge, Wine. Very Helpful.

Aphrodite: Pfft. That's Not The Point. Follow Your Heart. Percy: But... I Don't Know Where It's Going. My Heart, I Mean.

My Mother Was Gone. The Whole World Should Be Black And Cold. Nothing Should Look Beautiful.

Sure, Sis!' Then He Raised His Hands In A Stop Everything Gesture. 'i Feel A Haiku Coming On.

"you Are Okay?" He Asked. "not Eaten By Monsters?" "not Even A Little Bit." I Showed Him That I Still Had Both Arms And Both Legs, And Tyson Clapped Happily. "yay!" He Said. "now We Can Eat Peanut Butter Sandwiches And Ride Fish Ponies! We Can Fight Monsters And See Annabeth And Make Things Go Boom!" I Hoped He Didn't Mean All At The Same Time, But I Told Him Absolutely, We'd Have A Lot Of Fun This Summer.

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Keep Climbing,' He Told Himself. 'cheeseburgers,' His Stomach Replied. 'shut Up,' He Thought. 'with Fries,' His Stomach Complained.

He Was Beautiful The Way An Angel Is Beautiful - Timeless, Perfect, Remote.

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Just My Luck, On Top Of Everything Else I Had To Take Baboon Medicine.

You're Pretty Smug, Lord Ares, For A Guy Who Runs From Cupid Statues.

So, You Wrecked Alcatraz Island, Made Mount St. Helens Explode, And Displaced Half A Million People, But At Least You're Safe." "yep, That Pretty Much Covers It.

To All My Librarian Friends, Champions Of Books, True Magicians In The House Of Life. Without You, This Writer Would Be Lost In The Dust.

So Which Way Now, Sacagawea?" - Annabeth To Rachel

If You've Seen A Crab's Mouth, All Foamy And Gross With Whiskers And Snapping Bits, You Can Imagine This One Didn't Look Any Better Blown Up To Billboard Size.

Humor Was A Good Way To Hide The Pain.

Almost Everything Strange Washes Up Near Miami.

Sea Of Monsters

I Should’ve Been Very Cross With Anubis. Kissing Me Without Permission—the Nerve!

Selling One's Book To Hollywood Is Rather Like Selling Someone Your House. After It's Sold, It Isn't Yours Anymore. They Can Paint It A Different Color, Tear It Down And Build Something New, Or Do Anything They Want.

Hey, Guys!" Grover Yelled Somewhere Above Us. "i Think She's Unconscious!" "roooaaarrr!" "maybe Not," Grover Corrected.

I Still Don't Understand What A Sea God Would Be Doing In Atlanta." Leo Snorted. "what's A Wine God Doing In Kansas? Gods Are Weird.

Leo Dropped Into The Pool And Approched The Cage. "hola, Tia. Little Bit Of Trouble?" She [hera] Crossed Her Arms And Sighed In Exasperation. "don't Inspect Me Like I'm One Of Your Machines, Leo Valdez. Get Me Out Of Here!

That's Great. Except For The Fact That It's Completely Unimportant.

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There Are Parties And Then There Are Huge Major Blowout Parties. And Then There Are Olympian Parties. If You Ever Get A Choice Go For The Olympian.

Very Well! It Shall Be As You Say. But My Son, Pray This Works. I Am Praying. I'm Talking To You, Right? Oh...yes. Good Point. Amphitrite - Incoming!

When In Doubt, Start From The Top. -jason Grace

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My Experience With Khonsu Had Taught Me Not Be Greedy About Time. It Was Best To Appreciate What You Had And Not Yearn For More.

You Cannot Imprison Me!" He Bellowed. "i Am Hyperion! I Am-" The Bark Closed Over His Face. Grover Took His Pipes From His Mouth. "you Are A Very Nice Maple Tree.

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It's Natural To Feel Fear. All Great Warriors Are Afraid. Only The Stupid And The Delusional Are Not.

I Guessed His Name Was Face Of Horror. I Wondered How Long It Had Taken His Mom To Think Of That. Bob? No. Sam? No. How About Face Of Horror?

So I Saved Your Life, And You Repaid Me By Raising Kronos. That's Fair.

Things Will Work Out - Maybe Just Not The Way You Plan

Things Will Work Out

I Missed Him So Much I Would Sometimes Turn To Tell Him Something Before I Forgot He Was Gone. In Spite Of All That, And All The Emotion Boiling Around Inside Me, All I Could Think Of To Say Was: “you’re Blue.

But I Felt As If I’d Just Been Photoshopped Out Of My Own Book Cover. And If There Was One Thing I Wasn’t Used To, It Was Being Ignored

Grover: It’s A Very Sweet Love Story. I Get Misty-eyed Every Time I Play It. So Does Percy, But I Think That’s Because He’s Laughing At Me.

With Her Braided Hair And White Dress, She Seemed To Glow In The Moonlight.

At First I Was Protecting You Two Because I Promised. Now Even If I Hadn't Promised, I Would. You Two Are Like Kittens To Me. I Won't Fail You Again." I'll Admit I Got A Lump In My Throat. I'd Never Been Called Someone's Kitten Before. Sadie Sniffled. She Brushed Something From Under Her Eye. "you're Not Going To Wash Us, Are You?

He Crossed The Street Toward The Man In The Trench Coat, Which Left Me With Two Choices: Follow My Dad And See What Was Going On, Or Do What I Was Told. I Decided On The Slightly Less Dangerous Path. I Went To Retrieve My Sister

But How Did You Know Where We Were?" Annabeth Asked. Advanced Planning, My Dear. I Figured You Would Wash Up Near Miami If You Made It Out Of The Sea Of Monsters Alive. Almost Everything Strange Washes Up Near Miami.

I'm Just A Kid, Chiron," I Said Miserably. "what Good Is One Lousy Hero Against Something Like Kronos?" Chiron Managed A Smile. '"what Good Is One Lousy Hero'? Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain Said Something Like That To Me Once, Just Before He Single-handedly Changed The Course Of Your Civil War.

Nico Started To Crawl Away, Groaning. Percy Wanted Him To Move Faster And Groan Less. He Considered Throwing His Wonder Bread At Him.

What Are You?” She Demanded. “my Dad? Osiris? Are You Even Alive?” Dad Looked At Anubis. “what Did I Tell You About Her? Fiercer Than Ammit, I Said.” “you Didn’t Need To Tell Me That.” Anubis’s Face Was Grave. “i’ve Learned To Fear That Sharp Tongue.” Sadie Looked Outraged. “excuse Me?

It's First Owner...well, Things Didn't Turn Out Too Well For Her. Her Name Was Helena.' Piper Let That Sink In. "wait, You Mean The Helena? Helena Of Troy?' Annabeth Nodded. "and It's Just Sitting In Your Toolshed?

Is That Me?,' Leo Said. 'like Me--having This Dream--looking At Me Having A Dream?

Big Brothers Are The Ones Who Are Supposed To Pull Their Punches. Little Sisters—well, We Should Be Able To Hit As Hard As We Like, Shouldn’t We?

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Upper East Side

Let's Boogie,' He (leo) Said. 'before I Come To My Senses

P.s. You'll Have To Meet With Dan's Principal When You Get Back. He Got In Trouble For Doing Ninja Moves In Class. Don't Worry. This Happens All The Time.

He Had A Crush On A Blueberry Bush Once.

I Seriously Needed An Extra-strength Magic Pillow, Because My Ba Refused To Stay Put. [and No, Sadie, I Don't Think Wrapping My Head In Duct Tape Would've Worked Either.]

Right," Sadie Said. "and Set Will Just Stand There Calmly While I Read Him To Death.

Your Former Friend Luke " Poseidon Corrected. "he Once Promised Things Like That. He Was Hermes's Pride And Joy. Just Bear That In Mind Percy. Even The Bravest Can Fall.

He Looked Like Those Paintings Of Baby Angels - What Do You Call Them, Hubbubs? No Cherubs. That's It. He Looked Like A Cherub Who'd Turned Middle-aged In A Trailer Park.

Akhlys Lunged At Percy, And For A Split Second He Thought: Well, Hey, I’m Just Smoke. She Can’t Touch Me, Right? He Imagined The Fates Up In Olympus, Laughing At His Wishful Thinking: Lol, Noob!

Stars," She Whispered. "i Can See The Stars Again, My Lady." A Tear Trickled Down Artemis's Cheek. "yes, My Brave One. They Are Beautiful Tonight." Stars," Zoe Repeated. Her Eyes Fixed On The Night Sky. And She Did Not Move Again.

Unless You Stop Him. Perhaps Next We Meet." "you'll Be Just As Annoying?" I Guessed. He Fixed My With Those Warm Brown Eyes. "or Perhaps You Could Bring Me Up To Speed On Those Modern Courtship Rituals." I Sat There Stunned Until He Gave Me A Glimpse Of A Smile-just Enough To Let Me Know He Was Teasing. Then He Disappeared. "oh, Very Funny!" I Yelled.

Let Me Get This Straight. Your Table Ran Away Because You Polished It With Windex?

No!" Amy Said. "dan, You're Lucky It Was Only Concussive. You Could've Wiped Out The Whole Holt Family." "and That Would've Been Bad Because...?

Hope Does Not Leave Without Being Given Permission.

Two U.s. Marine Skeletons Guarded The Doors. They Grinned Down At Us, Rocket-propelled Grenade Launchers Held Across Their Chests. "you Know," Grover Mumbled, "i Bet Hades Doesn't Have Trouble With Door-to-door Salesman.

I Wanted To Keep Things As Normal As Possible For The Trainees, So I Led My Usual Morning Class. I Called It Magic Problem-solving 101. The Trainees Called It Whatever Works.

Gaea?” Leo Shook His Head. “isn’t That Mother Nature? She’s Supposed To Have, Like, Flowers In Her Hair And Birds Singing Around Her And Dear And Rabbits Doing Her Laundry.” “leo, That’s Snow White,” Piper Said.

The Bridge Fell Away Into The Chasm, And The Cyclops Howled ... With Delight, Because He Was Standing Right Next To Us.

The Images From The Book You Make In Your Head Are Always Going To Be The Best Images.

I Past Another Telkhine, Who Was So Startled He Dropped His Lil' Demons Lunch Box. I Left Him Alive - Partly Because He Had A Cool Lunch Box.

Doesn't Miss Many Meals, Does He?" Zeus Muttered. "tyson, For Your Bravery In The War, And For Leading The Cyclopes, You Are Appointed A General I. The Armies Of Olympus. You Shall Henceforth Lead You Breathren Into War Whenever Required By The Gods. And You Shall Have A New...um...what Kind Of Weapon Would You Like? A Sword? An Axe?" "stick!" Tyson Said, Showing His Broken Club. "very Well," Zeus Said. "we Will Grant You A New, Er, Stick. The Best Stick That May Be Found." "hooray!

The Sign Was Spray-painted In Arabic And English, Probably From Some Attempt By The Farmer To Sell His Wares In The Market. The English Read: Dates-best Price. Cold Bebsi. "bebsi?" I Asked. "pepsi," Walt Said. "i Read About It On The Internet. There's No 'p' In Arabic. Everyone Here Calls The Soda Bebsi." "so You Have To Have Bebsi With Your Bizza?" "brobably.

Wisdom's Daughter Walks Alone, The Mark Of Athena Burns Through Rome.

She Grabbed His Face And Pulled Him Into A Kiss, Which Effectively Shut Him Up.

I Get Letters From College Kids Who Have Read Percy Jackson When They Were Younger Who Tell Me, 'i Just Passed My Classics Exam.' The Books Are Accurate Enough That They Can Serve As A Gateway To Homer And Virgil.

Percy, Lesser Beings Do Many Horrible Things In The Name Of The Gods. That Does Not Mean We Gods Approve. The Way Our Sons And Daughters Act In Our Names... Well, It Usually Says More About Them Than It Does About Us.

And Please God, Grant Me The Wisdom To Remember That I Am Writing For Children, Not Golden Stickers.

Christmas In The Underworld Was Not My Idea. If I'd Known What Was Coming, I Would've Called In Sick. I Could've Avoided An Army Of Demons, A Fight With A Titan, And A Trick That Almost Got My Friends And Me Cast Into Eternal Darkness. But No, I Had To Take My Stupid English Exam.

He Dropped The Rest Of The Cokes Into The Grave And Pulled Out A White Paper Bag Decorated With Cartoons. I Hadn’t Seen One In Years, But I Recognized It — A Mcdonald’s Happy Meal. He Turned It Upside Down And Shook The Fries And Hamburger Into The Grave. “in My Day, We Used Animal Blood,” The Ghost Mumbled. “it’s Perfectly Good Enough. They Can’t Taste The Difference.” “i Will Treat Them With Respect,” Nico Said. “at Least Let Me Keep The Toy,” The Ghost Said.

Cabin Fifteen Does That To Everyone," Annabeth Warned. "if You Ask Me, This Place Is Even More Dangerous Than The Ares Cabin. At Least With Ares, You Can Learn Where The Land Mines Are." "land Mines?

I Frowned. “you Mean Set’s Got, Like, Other Evil Gods On Speed Dial?

Now Fight Me! For Today Thee House Of Hades Will Be Called The Saviors Of Olympus.

For An Absurd Moment, I Wondered If Ammit Devoured The Hearts Of Wicked Cows, And If He Liked The Beefy Taste. - Carter Kane

The Next Microsecond, As The Water Erupted Around Me, I Realized Too Late That I Should've Brought The Entire Twenty-first Nome To Help Me.

Paul Patted Mrs. O'leary's Snout. The Living Room Shook —boom, Boom, Boom—which Either Meant A Swat Team Was Breaking Down The Door Or Mrs. O'leary Was Wagging Her Tail. I Couldn't Help But Smile.

The Death Mist Is Not For Helping!" Akhlys Shrieked. "it Shrouds Mortals In Misery As Their Souls Pass Into The Underworld. It Is The Very Breath Of Tartarus, Of Death, Of Despair!" "awesome," Percy Said. "could We Get Two Orders Of That To Go?

I've Been Reading Greek Mythology Since I Was A Kid. I Also Taught It When I Was A Sixth Grade Teacher, So I Knew A Lot Of Mythological Monsters Already. Sometimes I Still Use Books And Web Sites To Research, Though. Every Time I Research Greek Mythology, I Learn Something New!

I Survive All Those Battles," She Growled, "and I Get Defeated By A Stupid Chunk Of Rock!

There’s Nothing Here,” Carter Said. “what Do You Want?” I Asked. “we’ve Got Wax, Some Toilet Papyrus, An Ugly Statue.

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