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I Was Surprised To Learn That Doing Household Chores Qualifies As Romantic For Most Of You [women]. That's Exactly Why You Should Never Hire A Butler If You Strike It Rich - The Minute That Jeeves Starts Unloading The Dishwasher Without Being Asked, Your Wife Is Going To Start Humping His Leg.

-Scott Adams

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I Was Surprised To

Scott Adams

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I Was Surprised To Learn That Doing Household Chores Qualifies As Romantic For Most Of You [women]. That's Exactly Why You Should Never Hire A Butler If You Strike It Rich - The Minute That Jeeves Starts Unloading The Dishwasher Without Being Asked, Your Wife Is Going To Start Humping His Leg.

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Dinosaur: I Plan To Use Punctuated Equilibrium To Turn This Zit Into A Third Eye. Catbert: That's Not A Natural Advantage. You'd Better Stay Away From The Fitter Dinosaurs.

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Good Ideas Have No Value Because The World Already Has Too Many Of Them. The Market Rewards Execution, Not Ideas.

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I Love You Like A Fat Kid Loves Cake!

The Core Belief That Drives Terrorism Is The Notion Of A "holy Place," Along With The Idea That Some People Belong There And Other People Don't. That's Why The Only Solution To Terrorism Is For Religious Scholars To Hold A Global Summit To Agree On The Definition Of "holy Place." Once They Agree On A Definition, It Will Be Easier To Mock It Into Submission.

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Reporters Are Faced With The Daily Choice Of Painstakingly Researching Stories Or Writing Whatever People Tell Them. Both Approaches Pay The Same.

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I Was Surprised To Learn That Doing Household Chores Qualifies As Romantic For Most Of You [women]. That's Exactly Why You Should Never Hire A Butler If You Strike It Rich - The Minute That Jeeves Starts Unloading The Dishwasher Without Being Asked, Your Wife Is Going To Start Humping His Leg.

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No Matter How Many Times I Visit New York City, I Am Always Struck By The Same Thing - A Yellow Taxicab.

Man Is A Game Playing Animal And A Computer Is Another Way To Play Games.

The Longer You Verk Here, Diverse It Gets.

The Best Things In Life Are Silly.

Let's Form Proactive Synergy Restructuring Teams.

I Rank Money Higher Than Social Life Or Meaning Because Once You Have Money, Those Other Things Are Easier To Get. For Example, You Won't Have Much Of A Social Life If You Can't Afford To Do Anything. And You Can't Make Money If Your Health Is A Mess.

Ideas Are Cheap. A Dime A Dozen, As They Say. It's The Implementation That's Important! The Trick Isn't Just To Have A Computer Game Idea, But To Actually Create It!

On The Keyboard Of Life, Always Keep One Finger On The Escape Key.

And Bring Me A Hard Copy Of The Internet So I Can Do Some Serious Surfing.

Blogging Is Like Work, But Without Coworkers Thwarting You At Every Turn.

There Are Very Few Personal Problems That Cannot Be Solved Through A Suitable Application Of High Explosives.

Why Aren't You Signed Up For The 401k? I'd Never Be Able To Run That Far.

Inspirational Running

As A Rule, I Don't Like To Laugh At The Misfortune Of Others. The Exception To That Rule Is If It's Really, Really Funny.

Misfortunes Of Others

Frankly, I’m Suspicious Of Anyone Who Has A Strong Opinion On A Complicated Issue.

I'm Predicting That We'll Finally Have A Computer Will Search My E-mail Automatically And Delete Every Message That Begins With 'thought You'd Be Interested,' And Then Give An Electrical Shock To The Sender To Remind Him Or Her To Stop Send That Kind Of Message.

To The Engineer, All Matter In The Universe Can Be Placed Into One Of Two Categories: (1) Things That Need To Be Fixed, And (2) Things That Will Need To Be Fixed After You've Had A Few Minutes To Play With Them. If There Are No Problems Handily Available, They Will Create Their Own Problems. Normal People Don't Understand This Concept; They Believe That If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It. Engineers Believe That If It Ain't Broke, It Doesn't Have Enough Features Yet.

If Our Mushrooms Make You Hallucinate, Please Inform Us Immediately So We Can Overcharge You.

I Used To Be Stupid But I've Turned That Situation Around 360 Degrees.

Some Physicists Describe Gravity In Terms Of Ten Dimensions All Curled Up. But Those Aren't Real Words-just Placeholders, Used To Refer To Parts Of Abstract Equations.

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Mysterious Universe

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Nothing Defines Humans Better Than Their Willingness To Do Irrational Things In The Pursuit Of Phenomenally Unlikely Payoffs. This Is The Principle Behind Lotteries, Dating, And Religion.

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