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I Was Angry With Him Before. I’m Not Really Sure Why. Maybe I Was Just Angry That The World Had Become Such A Complicated Place, That I Have Never Known Even A Fraction Of The Truth About It. Or That I Allowed Myself To Grieve For Someone Who Was Never Really Gone, The Same Way I Grieved For My Mother All The Years I Thought She Was Dead. Tricking Someone Into Grief Is One Of The Cruelest Tricks A Person Can Play, And It’s Been Played On Me Twice.

-Veronica Roth

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I Was Angry With

Veronica Roth

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I Was Angry With Him Before. I’m Not Really Sure Why. Maybe I Was Just Angry That The World Had Become Such A Complicated Place, That I Have Never Known Even A Fraction Of The Truth About It. Or That I Allowed Myself To Grieve For Someone Who Was Never Really Gone, The Same Way I Grieved For My Mother All The Years I Thought She Was Dead. Tricking Someone Into Grief Is One Of The Cruelest Tricks A Person Can Play, And It’s Been Played On Me Twice.

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I Pout My Lower Lip For A Second, But Then I Grin As The Pieces Come Together In My Mind. "that's Why You Like Me!" I Exclaim. "because You're Not Very Nice Either! It Makes So Much More Sense Now.

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Don't You Dare Try To Apologize." His Voice Shakes. "this Is Not Something You Can Bandage With A Word Or Two And Some Hugging, Or Something.

Guilt [is] A Tool, Rather Than A Weapon Against The Self.

I Wish I Could Say I Felt Guilty For What I Did. I Don't.

I Hear Footsteps And Four's Hands Wrap Around My Wrists. I Let Him Pry My Hands From My Eyes. He Encloses One Of My Hands Perfectly Between Two Of His. The Warmth Of His Skin Overwhelms The Ache In My Fingers From Holding The Bars. "you All Right?" He Asks, Pressing Our Hands Together. "yeah." He Starts To Laugh.

Are You Asking Me To Undress, Tris?' A Nervous Laugh Gurgles From My Throat. 'only ... Partially

Noise And Activity Are The Refuges Of The Bereaved And The Guilty.

One Choice One Choice, Decided Your Friends. One Choice, Defines Your Beliefs. One Choice, Determines Your Loyalties - Forever. Once Choice Can Transform You

Those Who Seek Peace Above All Else, They Say, Will Always Deceive To Keep The Water Calm.

It's Time To Be With My Brother Now

I Am Collecting The Lessons Each Faction Has To Teach Me, And Storing Them In My Mind Like A Guidebook For Moving Through The World. There Is Always Somthing To Learn, Always Somthing That Is Important To Understand

Living Without Virtues Is To Live Divorced From Society, Seperated From The Most Important Thing In Life, Community.

It's Not Cruelty, Maybe, But A Desire To Understand That Motivates Them.

I Could Never Hurt Him Enough To Make His Betrayal Stop Hurting. And It Hurts, In Every Part Of My Body.

Well, Half Of Half Our Faction.' 'in Some Circles They Call That A Quarter, Mar,' Lynn Says.

That Quality Frightens Me Now, Because I Know What He Told Me: That I Was Broken, That I Was Worthless, That I Was Nothing. How Many Of Those Things Did He Make Me Believe?

At Home I Used To Spend Calm, Pleasant Nights With My Family. My Mother Knit Scarves For The Neighborhood Kids. My Father Helped Caleb With His Homework. There Was A Fire In The Fireplace And Peace In My Heart, As I Was Doing Exactly What I Was Supposed To Be Doing, And Everything Was Quiet. I Have Never Been Carried Around By A Large Boy, Or Laughed Until My Stomach Hurt At The Dinner Table, Or Listened To The Clamor Of A Hundred People All Talking At Once. Peace Is Restrained; This Is Free.

He Moves His Thumb In A Slow Circle Over The Back Of My Hand. It Is Meant To Comfort Me, But It Frustrates Me Instead. I Need To Talk To Him. I Need To Look At Him.

This Concept Could Easily Have Gone Awry. Stories About Love Tend To Go That Way Sometimes. They Wander Into The Realm Of Cheese And Never Return, Which I Think Is A Shame, Because There Is A Way To Write About Romantic Love Without Breaking Out The Velveeta.

Four Flips The Gun In This Hand, Presses The Barrel To Peter's Forehead, And Clicks A Bullet Into Place. Peter Freezes With His Lips Parted, The Yawn Dead In His Mouth. "wake. Up," Four Snaps. "you Are Holding A Loaded Gun, You Idiot. Act Like It.

I Want To Break Something, Or Hit Something, But I Am Afraid To Move, So I Start Crying Instead.

He Seems Designed Specifically For Speed And Deadly Accuracy. But Not Strength, Not Particularly-he Is Smart, But Not Strong. Only Strong Enough To Carry Me.

I Have Realized That Part Of Being Dauntless Is Being Willing To Make Things More Difficult For Yourself In Order To Be Self-sufficient.

I Notice, However, That Peter Only Pretends To Inject Himself—when He Presses The Plunger Down, The Fluid Runs Down His Throat, And He Wipes It Casually With A Sleeve. I Wonder What It Feels Like To Volunteer To Forget Everything.

Forget Everything

Looking At Her Is Like Waking Up.

People, I Have Discovered, Are Layers And Layers Of Secrets. You Believe You Know Them, That You Understand Them, But Their Motives Are Always Hidden From You, Buried In Their Own Hearts. You Will Never Know Them, But Sometimes You Decide To Trust Them.

You're Afraid Of Heights,'i Say. 'how Do You Survive In The Dauntless Compound?' 'i Ignore My Fear,' He (four) Says. 'when I Make Decisions, I Pretend It Doesn't Exist.

It Is A Gift. You Cannot Earn It, Or It Ceases To Be A Gift.

Yes," She Says, Her Eyes Bright With Tears. "my Dear Child, You've Done So Well.

They All Laugh. We All Laugh. And It Occurs To Me That I Might Be Meeting Tobias's True Faction. They Are Not Characterized By A Particular Virtue. They Claim All Colors, All Activities, All Virtues, And All Flaws As Their Own.

Oh For God's Sake. I'll Just Carry You.

Sometimes I Just... Want To See It Again. Want To See You Awake.

The Only Reason I Haven't Shot You Yet Is Because He's The One Who Should Get To Do It," I Say. "stay Away From Him Or I'll Decide I No Longer Care.

A Sob Racks My Body Again, And He Wraps His Arms Around Me So Tightly I Find It Difficult To Breathe, But It Doesn't Matter. My Dignified Weeping Gives Way To Full-on Ugliness, My Mouth Open And My Face Contorted And Sounds Like A Dying Animal Coming From My Throat. If This Continues I Will Break Apart, And Maybe That Would Be Better, Maybe It Would Be Better To Shatter And Bear Nothing.

What Is Wrong With You?' I Shake My Head. 'pull It Together.' And That's What It Feels Like: Pulling The Different Parts Of Me Up And In Like A Shoelace. I Feel Suffocated, But At Least I Feel Strong.

I Expect To Weave Through The Crowd, Dodging Elbows And Muttering "excuse Me" The Way I Always Do, But There Is No Need. Becoming Dauntless Has Made Me Noticable.

...there Is Power In Self-sacrifice.

Can You Tell Me Where To Find Tobias'? I Ask. When I Imagine His Face, Affection For Him Bubbles Up Inside Of Me And All I Want To Do Is Kiss Him. 'four, I Mean. He's So Handsome, Isn't He? I Don't Really Understand Why He Likes Me So Much. I'm Not Very Nice, Am I?' -tris

Blood Is A Strange Color. It's Darker Than You Expect It To Be.

Those Who Blamed Aggression Formed Amity.’… ‘those Who Blamed Ignorance Became The Erudite.’… ‘those Who Blamed Duplicity Created Candor.’… ‘those Who Blamed Selfishness Made Abnegation.’… ‘and Those Who Blamed Cowardice Were The Dauntless.

Then Everyone Can Call You Six.” “four And Six,” I Say.

My Name Is Four,” I Say. “call Me ‘stiff’ Again And You And I Will Have A Problem.

My Problem Might Be That Even If I Did Go Home, I Wouldn’t Belong There, Among People Who Give Without Thinking And Care Without Trying.

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