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When I Look At Him, I Don't See The Cowardly Young Man Who Sold Me Out To Jeanine Matthews, And I Don't Hear The Excuses He Gave Afterward. When I Look At Him, I See The Boy Who Held My Hand In The Hospital When Our Mother Broke Her Wrist And Told Me It Would Be All Right. I See The Brother Who Told Me To Make My Own Choices, The Night Before The Choosing Ceremony. I Think Of All The Remarkable Things He Is--smart And Enthusiastic And Observant, Quiet And Earnest And Kind.

-Veronica Roth

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When I Look At

Veronica Roth

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When I Look At Him, I Don't See The Cowardly Young Man Who Sold Me Out To Jeanine Matthews, And I Don't Hear The Excuses He Gave Afterward. When I Look At Him, I See The Boy Who Held My Hand In The Hospital When Our Mother Broke Her Wrist And Told Me It Would Be All Right. I See The Brother Who Told Me To Make My Own Choices, The Night Before The Choosing Ceremony. I Think Of All The Remarkable Things He Is--smart And Enthusiastic And Observant, Quiet And Earnest And Kind.

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No Need To Continually Insist Upon Your Unshakable Masculinity.

I Might Be In Love With You." He Smiles A Little. "i'm Waiting Until I'm Sure To Tell You, Though.

Just Do What You're Supposed To.

Why Would The Factionless Have A High Divergent Population?" It Sounds Like She's Smirking. "obviously Those Who Can't Confine Themselves To A Particular Way Of Thinking Would Be Most Likely To Leave A Faction Or Fail Its Initiation, Right?

If We Stay Together, I'll Have To Forgive You Over And Over Again, And If You're Still In This, You'll Have To Forgive Me Over And Over Again Too. So Forgiveness Isn't The Point. What I Really Should Have Been Trying To Figure Out Is Whether We Were Still Good For Each Other Or Not

And Sometimes, If You Want The Truth, You Have To Demand It.

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Oh. I Just Assumed... That Because I Am So Absorbed By Him Everyone Must Be Too.

I Glance At Tris. She Grins At Me, Then Leans In To Whisper Something To Christina. "are You Here To Help Or What, Stiff?" I Say.

He Pus His Lips Next To My Ear And Says, “you Look Good, Tris.

What Do I Believe? I Do Not Know; I Do Not Know; I Do Not Know.

A Brave Man Acknowledges The Strength Of Others.

Did You Ever Meet Someone Named Caleb?" I Say. 'caleb," Fernando Says. "yes, There Was A Caleb In My Initiate Class. Brilliant, But He Was... What's The Colloquial Term For It? A Suck-up." He Smirks.

Nothing Else Is Alright. But We Are. -tobias

The Gun Goes Off. I Fall.

"but Please, When You See An Opportunity..." He Presses His Hand To My Cheek, Cold And Strong, And Tilts My Head Up So I Have To Look At Him. His Eyes Glint. They Almost Look Predatory. "ruin Them."

There Are Men With Guns Up There. When They See Me, They Will Kill Me, If They Can," I Tell My Father Quietly. I Search His Eyes. "should I Let Them?" He Stares At Me For A Few Seconds. "go," He Says, "and God Help You.

Don't Pretend", I Say Breathily. "you Know I'm Not. I'm Not Ugly, But I Am Certainly Not Pretty." "fine. You're Not Pretty. So?" He Kisses My Cheek. "i Like How You Look. You're Deadly Smart. You're Brave.

What Good Is A Prepared Body If You Have A Scattered Mind?

A Sob Racks My Body Again, And He Wraps His Arms Around Me So Tightly I Find It Difficult To Breathe, But It Doesn't Matter. My Dignified Weeping Gives Way To Full-on Ugliness, My Mouth Open And My Face Contorted And Sounds Like A Dying Animal Coming From My Throat. If This Continues I Will Break Apart, And Maybe That Would Be Better, Maybe It Would Be Better To Shatter And Bear Nothing.

I Want People To Come Away From My Book With Questions. Questions About Virtue And Goodness. Not Answers.

I Have Discovered That Sitting Still Leaves Little Spaces For The Grief To Get In, So I Stay Busy.

I Can't Tell Him I Need Him. I Can't Need Him, Period -- Or Really, We Can't Need Each Other, Because Who Knows How Long Either Of Us Will Last In This War?

Sorry, Am I Being Rude?" She Asks. "i'm Used To Saying Whatever Is On My Mind. Mom Used To Say That Politeness Is Deception In Pretty Packaging

I Have Never Had Parents Who Set Good Examples, Parents Whose Expectations Were Worth Living Up To, But She Did. I Can See Them Within Her, The Courage And The Beauty They Pressed Into Her Like A Handprint.

We Are Not People Who Touch Each Other Carelessly; Every Point Of Contact Between Us Feels Important, A Rush Of Energy And Relief.

That Is How It Feels. Like Everything Between Us Is Twisted Together, Friendship And Love And Family, So I Cant Tell The Difference Between Any Of Them.

Love And Friendship

You Don’t Always Have To Smack People In The Face With How Strong You Are

She Is Well Practiced In The Art Of Losing Herself.

Ingenuity Requires Creativity.

Decades Ago, Our Ancestors Realized That It Is Not Just Political Ideology, Religious Belief, Race, Or Nationalism That Is To Blame For A Warring World. Rather, They Determined That It Was The Fault Of Human Personality - Of Humankind's Inclination Towards Evil, In Whatever Form That Is. They Divided Into Factions That Sought To Eradicate Those Qualities They Believed Responsible For The World's Disarray.

Everyone Has To Blame Something For The Way The World Is.

At Home I Used To Spend Calm, Pleasant Nights With My Family. My Mother Knit Scarves For The Neighborhood Kids. My Father Helped Caleb With His Homework. There Was A Fire In The Fireplace And Peace In My Heart, As I Was Doing Exactly What I Was Supposed To Be Doing, And Everything Was Quiet. I Have Never Been Carried Around By A Large Boy, Or Laughed Until My Stomach Hurt At The Dinner Table, Or Listened To The Clamor Of A Hundred People All Talking At Once. Peace Is Restrained; This Is Free.

I Laugh, And It's Laughter, Not Light, That Casts Out The Darkness Building Within Me, That Reminds Me I Am Still Alive, Even In This Strange Place Where Everything I've Ever Known Is Coming Apart.

But When I Do Feel All The Strength Go Out Of Me, And I Fall To My Knees Beside The Table And I Think I Cry, Then, Or At Least I Want To, And Everything Inside Me Screams For Just One More Kiss, One More Word, One More Glance, One More.

I Could Never Hurt Him Enough To Make His Betrayal Stop Hurting. And It Hurts, In Every Part Of My Body.

I Take A Deep Breath. I'm Not Sure Where That Swell Of Desperation Came From, But Know That I've Acknowledge It, It's Impossible To Ignore, Like A Living Thing Has Awakened From A Long Sleep Inside Me. It Writhes In My Stomach And Throat. I Need To Leave. I Need The Truth.

Yesterday He Told Me He Thought I Would Have To Pretend To Be Weak, But He Was Wrong. I Am Weak Already. I Brace Myself Against The Wall And Press My Forehead To My Hands. It’s Difficult To Take Deep Breaths, So I Take Short, Shallow Ones. I Can’t Let This Happen. They Attacked Me To Make Me Feel Weak. I Can Pretend They Succeeded To Protect Myself, But I Can’t Let It Become True.

I'm Surprised You Know That," I Say Quietly, " Since You Left Halfway Through My One And Only Fight." "it Wasn't Something I Wanted To Watch." He Says. What's That Supposed To Mean?

We're All Right, You Know,' He Says Quietly. 'you And Me. Okay?' My Chest Aches, And I Nod. 'nothing Else Is All Right.' His Whisper Tickles My Cheek. 'but We Are.

Everything - Our Houses, Our Clothes, Our Hairstyles - Is Meant To Help Us Forget Ourselves And To Protect Us From Vanity, Greed And Envy, Which Are Just Forms Of Selfishness. If We Have Little, And Want For Little, And We Are All Equal, We Envy No One.

I Note How Calm She Looks And How Focused She Is. She Is Well-practiced In The Art Of Losing Herself. I Can't Say The Same Of Myself.

I Laugh Shakily. ‘you’re A Little Scary, Four.’ ‘do Me A Favor,’ He Says, ‘and Don’t Call Me That.’ ‘what Should I Call You, Then?’ ‘nothing.’ He Takes His Hand From My Face. ‘yet.

I've Done Without Doing Things, Like Sleeping And Eating, But I Need To Write.

Don't Confuse Your Grief With Guilt.

Pride Blinds People To The Truth Of What They Are.

I Laugh, Mirthless, A Mad Laugh. I Savor The Scowl On Her Face, The Hate In Her Eyes. She Was Like A Machine; She Was Cold And Emotionless, Bound By Logic Alone. And I Broke Her.

It Isn’t Right To Wish Pain On Other People Just Because They Hurt Me First.

I'm Divergent. And I Can't Be Controlled.

Nature Is Neutral. Nature Doesn't Care How Much Money A Person Makes.

Not Writing Is As Important As Writing - Go Out Into The World And Remember How Interesting It, And The People In It, Are.

Al Walks In, And I Don't Even Have To Ask Him To Help Me, He Just Walks Over And Strips Bedding With Me. I Will Have To Scrub The Frame Later. Al Carries The Stack Of Sheets To The Trash And Together We Walk Toward The Training Room. "ignore Him," Al Says. "he's An Idiot, And If You Don't Get Angry, He'll Stop Eventually.

How Can You Fail A Test You Aren't Allowed To Prepare For?

I Feel His Heartbeat Against My Cheek,as Fast As My Own. "are You Afraid Of Me, Too, Tobias?" "terrified," He Replies With A Smile.

I Think That You Are The Liar!" I Say, My Voice Quaking. "you Tell Me You Love Me, You Trust Me, You Think I'm More Perceptive Than The Average Person. And The First Second That Belief In My Perceptiveness, That Trust, That Love Is Put To The Test, It Falls Apart." I Am Crying Now, But I Am Not Ashamed Of The Tears Shining On My Cheeks Or The Thickness Of My Voice. "so You Must Have Lied When You Told Me All Those Things... You Must Have, Because I Can't Believe Your Love Is Really That Feeble.

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Maybe It's A Little Depressing To Think That My Vision Of A Perfect World Is Actually So Messed Up, But I Think It Means That I Don't Really Understand What 'perfect' Is.

His Fingers Leave Streaks Of Cold On My Skin, Invisible To The Eye, And I Think About Wrapping His Shirt Around My Fist And Pulling Him In To Kiss Me; I Think About Pressing Myself Against Him, But I Can't, Because All Our Secrets Would Keep A Space Between Us.

You Sadistic Pansycake.

He Leans His Face Close To Mine And Wraps His Fingers Around My Chin. His Hand Smells Like Metal. When Was The Last Time He Held A Gun, Or A Knife?

Eric Walks Toward Me, And I Back Away By Instinct. I Try Not To Be Afraid Of Him, But I Know How Smart He Is And That If I’m Not Careful He’ll Notice That I Keep Staring At Her, And That Will Be My Undoing.

Ser Sincero En Todo Momento Debe Requerir Valor. Yo No Sabría Hacerlo.

He Is Strong, And Lithe, And Certain. And He Is Mine.

What Do You Think They're Going To Do To Us When They Find Us Guilty?" She Says After A Few Minutes Of Silence Have Passed. "honestly?" "does Now Seem Like The Time For Honesty?" I Look At Her From The Corner Of My Eye. "i Think They're Going To Force Us To Eat Lots Of Cake And Then Take An Unreasonably Long Nap.

I Can’t Answer Either Question. But The Look She Gives Me Reminds Me Of The Look In The Attack Dog’s Eyes In The Aptitude Test – A Vicious, Predatory Stare. She Wants To Rip Me To Pieces. I Can’t Lie Down In Submission Now. I Have Become An Attack Dog Too.

Honesty Leads To Peace.

We Can’t Survive Alone, But Even If We Could, We Wouldn't Want To.

That’s One Way Of Looking At It. I Prefer To Look At It Another Way—which Is That If They Are Persistent Enough, Even Tiny Drops Of Water, Over Time, Can Change The Rock Forever. And It Will Never Change Back.

Take Away Someone’s Fear, Or Low Intelligence, Or Dishonesty . . . And You Take Away Their Compassion. Take Away Someone’s Aggression And You Take Away Their Motivation, Or Their Ability To Assert Themselves. Take Away Their Selfishness And You Take Away Their Sense Of Self-preservation.

The Serum Wears Off Five Hours Later, When The Sun Is Just Beginning To Set. Tobias Shut Me In My Room For The Rest Of The Day, Checking On Me Every Hour. This Time When He Comes In, I Am Sitting On The Bed, Glaring At The Wall. “thank God,” He Says, Pressing His Forehead To The Door. “i Was Beginning To Think It Would Never Wear Off And I Would Have To Leave You Here To … Smell Flowers, Or Whatever You Wanted To Do While You Were On That Stuff.

Sometimes Crying Or Laughing Are The Only Options Left, And Laughing Feels Better Right Now.

God Tris, Are You Even Human?

He Doesn’t Scowl, But His Mouth Is So Tense That I Know He’s Angry With Me. 'don’t Be An Idiot,' He Says. 'an Idiot?' Is He Talking About The Blanket? 'you Were Lying.

And He’s Right To Say That Every Faction Loses Something When It Gains A Virtue: The Dauntless, Brave But Cruel; The Erudite, Intelligent But Vain; The Amity, Peaceful But Passive; The Candor, Honest But Inconsiderate; The Abnegation, Selfless But Stifling.

I Am His, And He Is Mine, And It Has Been That Way All Along.

At First Eric Stares At Four In Silence. Four Stares Back.

Yeah, Well," I Say, "i Left Abnegation Because I Wasn't Selfless Enough, No Matter How Hard I Tried To Be." "that's Not Entirely True." He Smiles At Me. "that Girl Who Let Someone Throw Knives At Her To Spare A Friend, Who Hit My Dad With A Belt To Protect Me-that Selfless Girl, That's Not You?"... "you've Been Paying Close Attention, Haven't You?" "i Like To Observe People/" "maybe You Were Cut Out For Candor, Four, Because You're A Terrible Liar.

I Came Here So That No One Else Would Die. I Came Here To Protect As Many People As I Could. And I Care More About Tobias's Safety Than Anyone Else's. So Why Am I Here, If He's Here? What's The Point?

Why Did You Do It?" I Say. "you Want Me Dead. You Were Willing To Do It Yourself! What Changed?" He Presses His Lips Together And Doesn't Look Away, Not For A Long Time. Then He Opens His Mouth, Hesitates, And Finally Says, " I Can't Be In Anyone's Debt. Okay? The Idea That I Owed You Something Made Me Sick. I Would Wake Up In The Middle Of The Night Feeling Like I Was Going To Vomit. Indebted To A Stiff? It's Ridiculous. Absolutely Ridiculous. And I Couldn't Have It.

If I Let A Little Of The Emotion Out, All Of It Will Come Out, And It Will Never End.

I Have A Theory That Selflessness And Bravery Aren't All That Different.

I Respect You More Than Anyone. But Right Now I’m Wondering What Bothers You More, That I Made A Stupid Decision Or That I Didn’t Make Your Decision.

I Wish I Could Say I Felt Guilty For What I Did. I Don't.

I Ignore My Fear. When I Make Decisions, I Pretend It Doesn't Exist.

His Eyes Search The Crowd Until They Find My Face. My Heartbeat Lives In My Throat; Lives In My Cheeks. "i Still Don't Understand," He Says Softly, "how She Knew That It Would Work.

We Kiss Again And This Time, It Feels Familiar. I Know Exactly How We Fit Together, His Arm Around My Waist, My Hands On His Chest, The Pressure Of His Lips On Mine. We Have Each Other Memorized.

When I Look At The Abnegation Lifestyle As An Outsider, I Think It’s Beautiful. When I Watch My Family Move In Harmony; When We Go To Dinner Parties And Everyone Cleans Together Afterward Without Having To Be Asked; When I See Caleb Help Strangers Carry Their Groceries, I Fall In Love With This Life All Over Again.

Falling In Love

Any Idiot Can Stand In Front Of A Target," I Say. "it Doesn't Prove Anything Except That You're Bullying Us. Which, As I Recall Is A Sign Of Cowardice" "then It Should Be Easy For You," Eric Sys. "if You're Willing Ot Take His Place.

Four: Be Brave Tris. The First Time Is Always The Hardest.

Sarcasm Is Always At Someone's Expense.

I Was Still Afraid Of Him, I Knew, But In A Different Way - I Was No Longer A Child, Afraid Of The Threat My Terrifying Father Posed To My Safety. I Was A Man, Afraid Of The Threat He Posed To My Character, To My Future, To My Identity.

I Wish We Were Alone,” He Says. “i Almost Always Wish That,” I Say.

Just As I Have Insisted On His Worth, He Has Always Insisted On My Strength, Insisted That My Capacity Is Greater Than I Believe. And I Know, Without Being Told, That's What Love Does, When It's Right-it Makes You More Than You Were, More Than You Thought You Could Be. This Is Right.

What Makes You Different, Makes You Dangerous.

I Kiss Him As The Train Slides Into Unlit, Uncertain Land. I Kiss Him For As Long As I Want, For Longer Than I Should, Given That My Brother Sits Three Feet Away From Me.

You Want Him To Walk?" Caleb Demands. "are You Insane?" "did I Shoot Him In The Leg?" I Say. "no. He Walks. Where Do We Go, Peter?

Human Reason Can Excuse Any Evil; That Is Why It's So Important That We Don't Rely On It.

You Promised You Wouldn't Tell Her," She Says, Pointing At Me. "what Happened To Protecting Her?" "i Changed My Mind," I Say. Tris Laughs, Harshly,"that's What You Told Him, That He Would Be Protecting Me? That's A Pretty Skillful Manipulation. Well Done.

My Dear Girl. I Am His Family. I Am Permanent. You Are Only Temporary.

If Utopian Fiction Became The New Trend, I Wouldn't Read It.

Since I Was Young, I Have Always Known This: Life Damages Us, Every One. We Can’t Escape That Damage. But Now, I Am Also Learning This: We Can Be Mended. We Mend Each Other.

I'm Going To Shoot A Muffin Off Marlene's Head.

He Told Me Once To Be Brave, And Though I Have Stood Still While Knives Spun Toward My Face And Jumped Off A Roof, I Never Thought I Would Need Bravery In The Small Moments Of My Life. I Do.

We Don't Know What's Happened Out There Since They Put Us In Here, Or How Many Generations Have Lived And Died Since They Did.we Could Be The Last People Left.

Take A Person’s Memories, And You Change Who They Are.

Tris.” I Keep Staring. “tris.” I Finally Look At Him. “i Just Don’t Want To Lose You.

Peter: Where Are You Two Going? Tris: Why Aren't You With Your Attack Group Eating Dinner? Peter: I Don't Have One. I'm Injured. Christina: Yeah Right, You Are! Peter: Well, I Don't Want To Go To Battle With A Bunch Of Factionless. So I'm Going To Stay Here. Christina: Like A Coward. Let Everyone Else Clean Up The Mess For You. Peter: Yep! Have Fun Dying.

She Smiles.her Teeth Are Crooked. If I Knocked Them Out,i Might Be Doing Her A Favor.

Independent And Uninvolved. Must Be Nice. -tris

I Have To Admit That Christina Is Good—though I Don’t Like Giving Credit To Candor Smart-mouths—and So Is Peter—though I Don’t Like Giving Credit To Future Psychopaths.

I’d Ask You To Hang Out With Us, But You’re Not Supposed To See Me This Way.’… ‘what Way?’ I Ask. ‘drunk?’ ‘yeah…well, No.’ His Voice Softens. ‘real, I Guess.’ ‘i’ll Pretend I Didn’t.’ ‘nice Of You.’ He Puts His Lips Next To My Ear And Says, ‘you Look Good, Tris.’… I Laugh. ‘do Me A Favor And Stay Away From The Chasm, Okay?’ ‘of Course.’ He Winks At Me.

It's Wrong," He Says. "it Doesn't Matter If Your Parents Are In A Better Place, They Aren't Here With You, And That's Wrong, Tris. It Shouldn't Have Happened. It Shouldn't Have Happened To You. And Anyone Who Tells You It's Okay Is A Liar.

I Think About Pressing Myself Against Him, But I Can't, Because All Our Secrets Would Keep A Space Between Us.

Relax Beatrice, I've Driven A Car Before.' Marcus 'i've Done A Lot Of Things Before, But That Doesn't Mean I'm Any Good At Them!' Tris

Pride Is What Killed Al, And It Is The Flaw In Every Dauntless Heart. It Is In Mine.

Before We Sit Down, He Puts His Mouth Next To My Ear And Says, “i Like Your Hair That Way.

Drink This," She Says. "what Is It?" My Throat Feels Swollen. I Swallow Hard. "what's Going To Happen?" "can't Tell You That. Just Trust Me." I Press Air From My Lungs And Tip The Contents Of The Vial Into My Mouth. My Eyes Close.

He Pulls Me Over The Railing And Against His Chest, Gathering Me Into His Arms, Easing An Arm Under My Knees. I Press My Face Into His Shoulder, And There Is A Sudden, Hollow Silence.

People Are Supossed To Aspire To Become Their Fathers, Not Shudder At The Thought.

Few People Who Are Born Into Abnegation Choose To Leave It. When They Do, We Remember.

That Night We Push Our Cots Just A Little Closer Together, And Look Into Each Other's Eyes In The Moments Before We Fall Asleep. When He Finally Drifts Off, Our Fingers Are Twisted Together In The Space Between The Beds. I Smile A Little, And Let Myself Go.

Sometimes Drastic Change Requires Drastic Measures.

Then His Eyes Focus On Something Over My Shoulder, And He Starts Walking. I Turn To See Uriah Jogging From The Elevator Bank. He Is Grinning. “heard A Rumor You Were A Dirty Traitor,” Uriah Says. “yeah, Whatever,” Says Zeke. They Collide In An Embrace That Looks Almost Painful To Me, Slapping Each Other’s Backs And Laughing With Their Fists Clasped Between Them.

Sometimes, All It Takes To Save People From A Terrible Fate Is One Person Willing To Do Something About It. Even If That "something" Is A Fake Bathroom Break.

"i'll Be Your Family Now," He Says.

I Am Still The Person Who Would Have Died Rather Than Kill You

I Understand Why She Did All Those Things, But That Doesn't Mean We Aren't Still Broken.

Why Do You Say Vague Things If You Don't Want To Be Asked About Them?

I Brought You The Truth About Our City And The Reason We Are In It. If You Aren't Thanking Me For It, You Should At Least Do Something About It Instead Of Sitting Here On This Mess You Made, Pretending It's A Throne!

I Like To Think That Im Helping Them By Hating Them

Yes," Marcus Says. "i Understand That You Are Concerned -- That You All Are Concerned. You Had Never Heard Of The Divergent A Week Ago, And Now All That You Know Is That They Are Immune To Something To Which You Are Susceptible, And That Is A Frightening Thing. But I Can Assure You That There Is Nothing To Be Afraid Of, As Far As We Are Concerned." As He Speaks, His Head Tilts And His Eyebrows Lift In Sympathy, And I Understand At Once Why Some People Like Him. He Makes You Feel That If You Just Placed Everything In His Hands, He Would Take Care Of It.

How Is It I Know This Little About The Boy Who Says He Loves Me -- The Boy Whose Real Name Is Powerful Enough To Keep Us Alive In A Train Car Full Of Enemies?

I Feel The Urge, Familiar Now, To Wrench Myself From My Body And Speak Directly Into Her Mind. It Is The Same Urge, I Realize, That Makes Me Want To Kiss Her Every Time I See Her, Because Even A Sliver Of Distance Between Us Is Infuriating. Our Fingers, Loosely Woven A Moment Ago, Now Clutch Together, Her Palm Tacky With Moisture, Mine Rough In Places Where I Have Grabbed Too Many Handles On Too Many Moving Trains. Now She Looks Pale And Small, But Her Eyes Make Me Think Of Wide-open Skies That I Have Never Actually Seen, Only Dreamed Of.

Dead People Can Be Our Heroes Because They Can't Disappoint Us Later; They Only Improve Over Time, As We Forget More And More About Them.

I Get The Strange Urge To Hit My Head Against The Wall. Other People's Sobs Make Me Feel Uncomfortable.

I Expect To Weave Through The Crowd, Dodging Elbows And Muttering "excuse Me" The Way I Always Do, But There Is No Need. Becoming Dauntless Has Made Me Noticable.

I Will Be My Undoing If I Become My Obsession.

Half Of Bravery Is Perspective.

The Battle We Are Fighting Is Not Against A Particular Group. It Is Against Human Nature - Or At Least What It Has Become.

The Division Is Based On Knowledge, Based On Qualifications - But As I Learned From The Factionless, A System That Relies On A Group Of Uneducated People To Do Its Dirty Work Without Giving Them A Way To Rise Is Hardly Fair.

That Dot Covers All The Places We've Ever Been. You Could Cut That Piece Of Land Out Of The Ground And Sing It Into This Ocean And No One Would Even Notice. I Feel That Fear Again, The Fear Of My Own Size. 'right. So?' 'so? So Everything I've Ever Worried About Or Said Or Done, How Can It Possibly Matter?' He Shakes His Head. 'it Doesn't.' 'of Course It Does,' I Say, 'all That Land Is Filled With People, Every One Of Them Different, And The Things They Do To Each Other Matter.

Don’t Tell Me You’re Going To Eat A Mashed-potato Sandwich

Mashed Potatoes

Can I Be Forgiven For All I've Done To Get Here? I Want To Be. I Can. I Believe It.

Soon I Will Honor My Parents By Dying As They Died. And If All They Believed About Death Was True, Soon I Will Join Them In Whatever Comes Next.

But Now I’m Wondering If I Need It Anymore, If We Ever Really Need These Words, “dauntless,” “erudite,” “divergent,” “allegiant,” Or If We Can Just Be Friends Or Lovers Or Siblings, Defined Instead By The Choices We Make And The Love And Loyalty That Binds Us.

I Am Afraid Of Her, Afraid Of What She Says-and Thrilled By It Too, Because It Means I Don't Have To Accept That I Am Smaller Than I Once Believed.

I Imagine The Wave Of Water Colliding With The Rock And Spilling Over The Tile Floor, Collecting Around My Shoes. Doing A Little At Once Can Fix Something, Eventually, But I Feel Like When You Believe That Something Is Truly A Problem, You Throw Everything You Have At It, Because You Just Can’t Help Yourself.

Then Everyone Can Call You Six.” “four And Six,” I Say.

He Kisses Me Again, More Insistent This Time, His Hands Squeezing My Waist. His Breaths, His Body, My Body, We Are So Close There Is No Difference.

Inquisitiveness Is Self-serving, Johanna. -marcus Eaton

We Believe In Ordinary Acts Of Bravery, In The Courage That Drives One Person To Stand Up For Another.

So This Is Where You Grew Up. Did You Like It Here? I Guess You Couldn't Have, If You Wanted To Leave.' Christina 'i Liked Some Things And Hated Some Things. And There Were Some Things I Didn't Know I Had Until I Lost Them.' Tris

Looking Away Is Submissive. Looking [..] In The Eye Is A Challenge.

In That Moment I Know Exactly What I Want; I Want To Peel Away All The Layers Of Clothing Between Us, Strip Away Everything That Separates Us, The Past And The Present And The Future.

You Are Far Less Likely To Soil Your Pants And Cry For Your Mother If You’re Prepared To Defend Yourself.

I'm Not Dauntless - I'm Divergent. I Am Whatever I Choose To Be.

I Confessed To Tobias, Soon After That, That I Had Lost My Entire Family. And He Assured Me That He Was My Family Now. -tris Prior

A Lot Can Happen To A Person's Appearance In Three Months.

It's Time To Be With My Brother Now

The Fire, The Fire. It Rages Within, A Campfire And Then An Inferno, And My Body Is Its Fuel. I Feel It Racing Through Me, Eating Away At The Weight. There Is Nothing That Can Kill Me Now; I Am Powerful And Invincible And Eternal.

All I Want Is To Become Someone New. In This Case, Tobias Johnson, Son Of Evelyn Johnson. Tobias Johnson May Have Lived A Dull And Empty Life, But He Is At Least A Whole Person, Not This Fragment Of A Person That I Am, Too Damaged By Pain To Become Anything Useful.

I Have A Theory That Selflessness And Bravery Aren't All That Different. All Your Life You've Been Training To Forget Yourself, So When You're In Danger, It Becomes Your First Instinct

Who Cares About Pretty? I'm Going For Noticeable.

I Think I Speak For Everyone," He Says, "when I Say You Have Earned The Title Of Dauntless".

Somewhere Inside Me Is A Merciful, Forgiving Person. Somewhere There Is A Girl Who Tries To Understand What People Are Going Through, Who Accepts That People Do Evil Things And That Desperation Leads Them To Darker Places Than They Ever Imagined, I Swear She Exists, And She Hurts For The Repentant Boy I See In Front Of Me. But If I Saw Her, I Wouldn't Recognize Her.

Can You Be A Girl For A Few Seconds?" "i'm Always A Girl" I Frown. "you Know What I Mean. Like A Silly, Annoying Girl" I Twirl My Hair Around My Finger. "kay.

Maybe Forgiveness Is Just The Continual Pushing Aside Of Bitter Memories, Until Time Dulls The Hurt And Anger, And The Wrong Is Forgotten.

I Also Wanted To Ask You If We Can Talk To The Erudite You're Keeping Safe Here," I Say. "i Know They're Hidden, But I Need Access To Them." "and What Do You Intend To Do?" She Says. "shoot Them," I Say, Rolling My Eyes. "that Isn't Funny.

Insurgent, He Says. Noun. A Person Who Acts In Opposition To The Established Authority, Who Is Not Necessarily Regarded As A Belligerent.

I Forgot My Watch. Minutes Or Hours Later, When The Panic Subsides, That Is What I Most Regret. Not Coming Here In The First Place - That Seemed Like An Obvious Choice - But My Bare Wrist, Which Makes It Impossible For Me To Know How Long I Have Been Sitting In This Room. My Back Aches, Which Is Some Indication, But It Is Not Definite Enough.

You Look Older.” “yes, Well. The Passage Of Time Tends To Do That To A Person.

Passage Of Time

I Feel Like Myself, Strong And Weak At Once - Allowed, At Least For A Little While, To Be Both.

My Problem Might Be That Even If I Did Go Home, I Wouldn’t Belong There, Among People Who Give Without Thinking And Care Without Trying.

It Is Impossible To Erase My Choices.

He Gives Me A Conflicted Look And Touches His Lips To My Forehead, Right Between My Eyebrows. I Close My Eyes. I Don't Understand This, Whatever It Is. But I Don't Want To Ruin It, So I Say Nothing. He Doesn't Move; He Just Stays There With His Mouth Pressed To My Skin, And I Stay There With My Hands On His Waist, For A Long Time.

Do You Know Him Well?" I Ask.i Am Too Curious; I Always Have Been. "everyone Knows Four," She Says. "we Were Initiates Together.i Was Bad At Fighting,so He Taught Me Every Night After Everyone Was Asleep." She Scratches The Back Of Her Neck, Her Expression Suddenly Serious. "nice Of Him." She Gets Up And Stands Behind The Members Sitting In The Doorway. In A Second, Her Serious Expression Is Gone,but I Still Feel Rattled By What She Said, Half Confused By The Idea Of Four Being "nice" And Half Wanting To Punch Her For No Apparent Reason.

We Believe That Preparation Eradicates Cowardice, Which We Define As The Failure To Act In The Midst Of Fear.

I Would Rather Be Dead Than Empty

Because There Might Come A Day When There Is No Flashlight, There Is No Gun, There Is No Guiding Hand. And I Want To Be Ready For It." (divergent Pg.138)

I Want To Be Brave, And Selfless, And Smart, And Kind, And Honest.

Maybe There's More We All Could Have Done, But We Just Have To Let The Guilt Remind Us To Do Better Next Time.

I Hear Footsteps And Four's Hands Wrap Around My Wrists. I Let Him Pry My Hands From My Eyes. He Encloses One Of My Hands Perfectly Between Two Of His. The Warmth Of His Skin Overwhelms The Ache In My Fingers From Holding The Bars. "you All Right?" He Asks, Pressing Our Hands Together. "yeah." He Starts To Laugh.

Awkwardness Aside, It's Nice To Be Liked.

Peace Is Restrained; This Is Free.

He Slides His Hand Over My Cheek, One Finger Anchored Behind My Ear. Then He Tilts His Head Down And Kisses Me, Sending A Warm Ache Through My Body. I Wrap My Hands Around His Arm, Holding Him There As Long As I Can. When He Touches Me, The Hollowed-out Feeling In My Chest And Stomach Is Not As Noticeable.

Life Damages Us, Every One. We Can't Escape That Damage.

Why Is Your Heart Racing Tris?

My First Instinct Is To Push You Until You Break Just To See How Hard I Have To Press.

What Did You Do, Memorize A Map Of The City For Fun?” Says Christina. “yes,” Says Will, Looking Puzzled. “didn’t You?

Sometimes I Just... Want To See It Again. Want To See You Awake.

There's A Reason Why She Left Them, Lauren," He Says. His Voice Is Deep, And It Rumbles. "what's Your Name?" "um..." I Don't Know Why I Hesitate. But "beatrice" Just Doesn't Sound Right Anymore. "think About It," He Says, A Faint Smile Curling His Lips. " You Don't Get To Pick Again." A New Place, A New Name. I Can Be Remade Here. "tris," I Say Firmly.

In Some Parts Of The Ancient World, The Hawk Symbolized The Sun. Back When I Got This, I Figured If I Always Had The Sun On Me, I Wouldn't Be Afraid Of The Dark

You Know What Abnegation Used To Say About Pride?' 'something Unfavorable,i Assume.' I Laugh.' Obviously. They Said It Blinds People To The Truth Of What They Are.

He Moves His Thumb In A Slow Circle Over The Back Of My Hand. It Is Meant To Comfort Me, But It Frustrates Me Instead. I Need To Talk To Him. I Need To Look At Him.

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