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I Have Realized That Mystery Is What Keeps People Away, And I've Grown Tired Of Smoke And Mirrors. I Yearn For The Clean, Well-lighted Place. So Let's Peek Behind The Curtain And Hail The Others Like Us. The Open-faced Sandwiches Who Take Risks And Live Big And Smile With All Of Their Teeth. These Are The People I Want To Be Around. This Is The Honest Way I Want To Live And Love And Write.

-Amy Poehler

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I Have Realized That

Amy Poehler

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I Have Realized That Mystery Is What Keeps People Away, And I've Grown Tired Of Smoke And Mirrors. I Yearn For The Clean, Well-lighted Place. So Let's Peek Behind The Curtain And Hail The Others Like Us. The Open-faced Sandwiches Who Take Risks And Live Big And Smile With All Of Their Teeth. These Are The People I Want To Be Around. This Is The Honest Way I Want To Live And Love And Write.

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Be Easy On Yourself. Have Fun. Only Hang Around People That Are Positive And Make You Feel Good. Anybody Who Doesn't Make You Feel Good, Kick Them To The Curb. And The Earlier You Start In Your Life The Better. The Minute Anybody Makes You Feel Weird And Non-included Or Not Supported, You Know, Either Beat It Or Tell Them To Beat It.

Continue To Share Your Heart With People Even If It's Been Broken.

I Have Withdrawal Pains About Not Getting To Work The People (on The Show).

If You Are Lucky, There Is A Moment In Your Life When You Have Some Say As To What Your Currency Is Going To Be. I Decided Early On It Was Not Going To Be My Looks.

Sometimes You Have To Kind Of Keep Proving That You're Improvising. That's The Game, Or The Goal, Of Long-form Tv Improv, Is That You Have To Kind Of Keep Reminding And Showing People That You're Improvising, Because They Won't Believe You Really.

I Don't Watch A Lot Of Comedy. For Relaxation And Escape, I Watch Shows About How People Survive Bear Attacks. Or Old Episodes Of 'law And Order,' The Benjamin Bratt/jerry Orbach Era.

Stop Whining About Getting Old. It's A Privilege. A Lot Of People Who Are Dead Wish They Were Still Alive.

I Think Real Life Couples On Screen Are Kind Of Deadly. For The Most Part, They're Kind Of Deadly. You'd Be Surprised. Unless They're Falling In Love Onscreen For The First Time, You Don't Have Quite The Same Energy For Some Reason.

Falling In Love

You Deserve Love And You'll Get It.

A New Poll Reveals That 56% Of Americans Believe That Wal-mart Is Bad For The Country, While The Other 44% Work There.

As You Navigate Through The Rest Of Your Life, Be Open To Collaboration. Other People And Other People's Ideas Are Often Better Than Your Own. Find A Group Of People Who Challenge And Inspire You, Spend A Lot Of Time With Them, And It Will Change Your Life.

Well, The First Thing We Do Is Take Our Brain Out And Put It In A Drawer. Stick It Somewhere And Let It Tantrum Until It Wears Itself Out. You May Still Hear The Brain And All The Shitty Things It Is Saying To You, But It Will Be Muffled, And Just The Fact That It Is Not In Your Head Anymore Will Make Things Seem Clearer. And Then You Just Do It.

I Have To Say I Enjoy Physical Comedy And I've Always Loved To Kind Of Take Risks. I Don't Like Worrying Too Much About How I Look Or How I Come Across, So That Can Sometimes... You Know, I Like To Play Those Kinds Of Deluded But Fun Characters.

Our Ego Is A Monster That Loves To Sit At The Head Of The Table, And I Have Learned That My Ego Is Just As Rude And Loud And Hungry As Everyone Else's. It Doesn't Matter How Much You Get; You Are Left Wanting More.

When Your Children Arrive, The Best You Can Hope For Is That They Break Open Everything About You. Your Mind Floods With Oxygen. Your Heart Becomes A Room With Wide-open Windows. You Laugh Hard Every Day.

Anybody Who Doesn't Make You Feel Good, Kick Them To The Curb. And The Earlier You Start In Your Life, The Better.

I Have Realized That Mystery Is What Keeps People Away, And I've Grown Tired Of Smoke And Mirrors. I Yearn For The Clean, Well-lighted Place. So Let's Peek Behind The Curtain And Hail The Others Like Us. The Open-faced Sandwiches Who Take Risks And Live Big And Smile With All Of Their Teeth. These Are The People I Want To Be Around. This Is The Honest Way I Want To Live And Love And Write.

I've Said This Before, That, When You're In School And You're The Class Clown, Men Are Really Good At Making Fun At Other People And Women Are Really Good At Making Fun Of Themselves.

I Think The Days Of Putting Your Feet Up When You're Pregnant Are Long Gone. Women Who Are Nine Months Pregnant Now Have To Work Till The Bitter End - They Don't Get To Be On Tv.

When Something Feels Really Big, Too Big To Handle, Just Go Very Small. Just Go Real Small, Just Look At The Person Next To You And Look In Their Eyes And Meet The Person Next To You, Find Out Their Name, Change One Person's Life And Make One Call, Write One Letter, Give One Dollar. Whatever Small Thing Feels Like What You Can Do - It Changes The Course Of The Ship And That Is All It Is.

You Can't Look Stupid If You're Having Fun.

I Also Love Being Able To Do Something That Kids And Families Can Enjoy Because I Have Two Children Of My Own And I Want Them To Grow Up Watching All The Fabulous Animated Movies And Cartoons That I Loved To Watch As A Kid.

In The Trial Of Saddam Hussein On Tuesday, Witnesses Emotionally Testified About The Abuse The Former Dictator Inflicted On Them. Afterward, A Tearful Saddam Said, 'ah, Good Times.'

If You Can Surf Your Life Rather Than Plant Your Feet, You Will Be Happier.

No One Looks Stupid When They're Having Fun.

Reading Was A Way To Make Friends Or Enemies, A Way To Discover How All These Different People Exist In The World And To Rub Shoulders With Them. The Ability To Feel As If You Have Met Someone, As If That Person Exists In Flesh And Blood And That You Relate To Them Somehow, Makes You Feel A Lot Less Lonely. And It Also Makes You Feel Very Brave.

I Get A Bit Nervous Because I Just Want The Show To Go Well. I Think You Always Have To Be A Little Bit Nervous, Or Else You're A Little Checked-out, And That's Maybe The Time When You're Not Doing Your Best Stuff, Because You're Kind Of Just Checked-out And Falling Back On Stuff.

Open-faced Sandwiches Take Risks And Live Big And Smile With All Their Teeth. These Are The People I Want To Be Around.

Decide What Your Currency Is Early. Let Go Of What You Will Never Have. People Who Do This Are Happier And Sexier.

I Have These Meetings With Really Powerful Men And They Ask Me All The Time, 'where Are Your Kids? Are Your Kids Here?' it's Such A Weird Question. Never In A Million Years Do I Ask Guys Where Their Kids Are. It Would Be Comparable To Me Going To A Guy, 'do You Feel Like You See Your Kids Enough?'

I Lived In Chicago For A Few Years And Got A Sense Of - Kind Of That Broad-shouldered, Windy, Um, Stern, Midwestern, Warm-slash-passive Aggressive, Wonderful - Every Adjective I Can Think Of, Very Cold.

The Desire To Work With Burrows-charles Was Really To Change Nbc's Identity, To Say, "we Want To Be In The Sophisticated-adult-comedy Business."

The Minute Anyone Makes You Feel Weird And Non-included Or Not Supported, You Know, Either Beat It Or Tell Them To Beat It.

When Young Girls Are Encouraged To Explore What They Find Interesting, They Grow Up To Be Interesting Women.

Any Time You Talk To Anyone About Something That They Love, They're, Like, Their Most Beautiful. It's A Cool Gift To Get To Talk To People About What They Love.

Calling People 'sweetheart' Makes Most People Enraged.

An Interesting Thing About The Beginning Of Our Friendship And Professional Collaboration [with Tina Fey] Was That The Improve Scenes We Would Do Together Were Basically Dramatic And Not Funny At All.

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I Ate Two Waffles, A Banana And Cereal With Blueberries. And That Whas Between My Two Breakfasts.

It's Nice To Be Short, Because People Expect Less From You.

I Think The Hardest Thing Is To Know What You Want, Ask For It, And Then To Stop Talking.

I Hate Halloween. I Hate Dressing Up. I Hate - I Wear Wigs, Makeup, Costumes Every Day. Halloween Is Like, My Least Favorite Holiday.

We May All Host Ourselves To Death, And If We're All Dead Who Will Host Our Funerals?

When Youre A Stay-at-home Mother You Have To Pretend Its Really Boring, But Its Not. Its Enriching And Fulfilling, And An Amazing Experience. And Then When Youre A Working Mother You Have To Pretend That You Feel Guilty All Day Long.

Masters Of Sex Is The Degree I Got From Boston College.

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Treat Your Career Like A Bad Boyfriend... Your Career Wont Take Care Of You. It Won't Call You Back Or Introduce You To Its Parents. Your Career Will Openly Flirt With Other People While You Are Around... You Have To Care About Your Work, But Not About The Result. You Have To Care About How Good You Are And How Good You Feel, But Not About How Good People Think You Are Or How Good People Think You Look.

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I've Failed A Million Times On Stage. I've Listened To Notes That I Knew Weren't Right. I've Pitched Ideas And Let Other People Change Them, Knowing That It Was The Wrong Choice. The Question You Have To Ask Yourself Is: How Do You Want To Fail? Do You Want To Fail In A Way That Feels Like It Respects Your Tastes And Value System?

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The Creation Of The Ucb Theatre Is By Far My Proudest Professional Accomplishment.

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If Your Career Is A Bad Boyfriend, It Is Healthy To Remember You Can Always Leave And Go Sleep With Somebody Else.

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Don't Treat Your Heart Like An Action Figure Wrapped In Plastic And Never Used. And Don't Try To Give Me That Nerd Argument That Your Heart Is A 'batman' With A Limited-edition Silver Bat-erang And Therefore If It Stays In Its Original Packing It Increases In Value.

People Who Read Are People Who Dream, And We Connect Through The Stories We Live And Tell And Read.

Vulnerable People Are Powerful People. Opening Your Heart And Sharing It Means You're Going To Get So Much Love In Your Life. And It's The Way To True Connection And Real Purpose And Meaning In Your Life, In My Opinion.

Anger And Embarrassment Are Often Neighbors.

Sleep Can Completely Change Your Entire Outlook On Life. One Good Night's Sleep Can Help You Realize That You Shouldn't Break Up With Someone, Or You Are Being Too Hard On Your Friend, Or You Actually Will Win The Race Or The Game Or Get The Job. Sleep Helps You Win At Life.

When You Host A Show You Have To Hopefully Be Funny At The Top And Set The Tone For A Really Fun Evening.

I Like Hard Work And I Don’t Like Pretending Things Are Perfect.

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Some People Get In The Way Of Change Happening. Some People Spend Their Whole Careers Thinking They Can Make A Difference. Other People Want To Do As Little As Possible To Get The Day Done.

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I Think Going From Laughing To Crying To Laughing To Crying - Making Those Quick Turns Adds Years To Your Life.

It's Easier To Be Brave When You're Not Alone.

I Think We Should Stop Asking People In Their 20s What They 'want To Do' And Start Asking Them What They Don't Want To Do. Instead Of Asking Students To 'declare Their Major' We Should Ask Students To 'list What They Will Do Anything To Avoid.' It Just Makes A Lot More Sense.

Always Remember Your Kid’s Name. Always Remember Where You Put Your Kid. Don’t Let Your Kid Drive Until Their Feet Can Reach The Pedals. Use The Right Size Diapers…for Yourself. And, When In Doubt, Make Funny Faces.

We Were Also Performing. We'd Give Them A List Of, Like, 'here's How We Want To Be Introduced' They'd Be Like, 'great' And Then 5 Minutes Later They'd Come Back, 'bad News: We Lost Your List. But Good News: We've Got A Trash Bag Full Of Weed!'

You Can Tell Someone You Love Them First. You Can Try To Speak Only The Truth For A Whole Week. You Can Jump Out Of An Airplane Or Spend Christmas Day All By Your Lonesome. You Can Help People Who Need Help And Fight Real Bad Guys. You Can Dance Fast Or Take An Improv Class Or Do One Of Those Ironman Things… Adventure And Danger Can Be Good For Your Heart And Soul.

Keep Your Virginity For As Long As You Can, Until It Starts To Feel Weird To You. Then Just Get It Over With.

It Doesn't Matter How Much You Get; You Are Left Wanting More.

We Have To Agree Beforehand To Divide The Funniest Lines Between Us. But Tina [fey] Is So Brilliant That I Just Love Every Moment Working With Her And Also Just Hanging Out Together As Friends.

I Had To Come To Terms With How I Saw Myself. I Had To Understand That I Wasn't Pretty Or Beautiful Like Most Actresses And That I Shouldn't Care About Whether Other People Found Me Attractive Or Not.

Do Work That You Are Proud Of With Your Talented Friends.

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Nobody Looks Stupid When They Are Having Fun.

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I Really Do Believe That Anything In Life - Any Obstacle Or Challenge - Can Be Made Better With Humor.

Sticking Up For Ourselves In The Same Way We Would One Of Our Friends Is A Hard But Satisfying Thing To Do. Sometimes It Works.

Whenever I Read Stories Of People Doing Huge Pranks On Set, All I Think Is, 'these People Have Too Much Time On Their Hands.' Besides, I Don't Want To Make Some Poor Assistant Clean Up Someone's Trailer After I've Filled It With, Say, Cadbury Eggs. See? I Can't Even Think Of A Good Prank.

If You Ever Want To See Heaven, Watch A Bunch Of Young Girls Play. They Are All Sweat And Skinned Knees. Energy And Open Faces.

There's Only, Like, Five Perfectly Symmetrical People In The World, And They're All Movie Stars, And They Should Be, Because Their Faces Are Very Pleasing To Look At, But The Rest Of Us Are Just A Jangle Of Stuff, And The Earlier You Learn That You Should Focus On What You Have And Not Obsess About What You Don't Have, The Happier You Will Be.

It Takes Years As A Woman To Unlearn What You Have Been Taught To Be Sorry For.

Be Yourself! And Then Tell Us About It! And Then Let's Dance!

Saying "yes" Doesn't Mean I Don't Know How To Say No, And Saying "please" Doesn't Mean I Am Waiting For Permission.

I Love My Boys So Much I Fear My Heart Will Explode. I Wonder If This Love Will Crack Open My Chest And Split Me In Half. It Is Scary, This Love.

If I Wanted To See Jonah Hill Masturbate At A Pool Party, I'd Go To One Of Jonah Hill's Pool Parties.

Creativity Is Connected To Your Passion, That Light Inside You That Drives You. . . . Your Creativity Is Not A Bad Boyfriend. It Is A Really Warm Older Hispanic Lady Who Has A Beautiful Laugh And Loves To Hug.

Watching Great People Do What You Love Is A Good Way To Start Learning How To Do It Yourself.

Other People Are Not Medicine.

Take Your Risks Now; As You Become Older, You Become More Fearful And Less Flexible. And I Mean That Literally. I Hurt My Knee This Week On The Treadmill, And It Wasn't Even On.

When I Had A Job Catering, I Catered A Wedding For The Smashing Pumpkins Bassist In Indiana. And I Served Billy Corgan Shrimp Off A Tray.

When You're Betrayed There's A Period Of Shame And Then There's Always Forgiveness.

Sometimes You Need To Know To Quit While You're Ahead Or At Least Before Things Get Much Worse!

Too Often We Women Try To Tackle Chaos That Is Not Ours To Fix.

It's Interesting That People Always Want To Ask Me And A Lot Of Working Mothers, How Do You Do It? And It's Like Well, Just Like Everybody Else. It Proves It's A Bad Question.

I Think If You Can Dance And Be Free And Not Embarrassed, You Can Rule The World.

Doing What You're Afraid Of, Getting Out Of Your Comfort Zone, Taking Risks Like That- That's What Life Is.

President Bush On Monday Defended U.s. Interrogation Of Terrorists, Saying 'we Do Not Torture.' He Added, 'we Freedom Electrocute.'

If You Can Speak About What You Care About To A Person You Disagree With Without Denigrating Them Or Insulting Them, Then You May Actually Be Heard.

Everyone Needs Love, Never Hurt A Living Thing [and] Don’t Worry About The Choices You Make Because Everything Will Be Fun Because Life Is A Closet Filled With Pool Toys.

Change Is The Only Constant. Learn To Surf Your Life Instead Of Planting Your Feet.

Everybody Is Interesting When They Are Interested In Something.

Make No A Complete Sentence.

If You Do A Scene And You Really Like A Character In It Or A Premise In It To Write It Down And To Work On It So That You Can Have Five Or Six Characters That You Can Pull Out In An Audition.

Only At The Golden Globes Do The Beautiful People Of Film Rub Shoulders With The Rat-faced People In Television.

I Hope And Assume That Every Good Comedy Writer, No Matter The Age, Has A Moment Where They Discover How Great Cheers Is.

The Pressure Of 'what Are You Going To Do?' Makes Everyone Feel Like They Haven't Done Anything Yet.

Prince Harry This Week Toured The Jersey Shore With New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. It Was The First Meeting Between The Prince, Of The House Of Windsor, And The Governor, Of The House Of Pancake.

Sometimes Painful Things Can Teach Us Lessons That We Didn't Think We Needed To Know.

Looking Silly Can Be Ver Powerful. People Who Are Committing And Taking Risks Become The King And Queen Of My Prom. People Are Their Most Beautiful When They Are Laughing, Crying, Dancing, Playing, Telling The Truth, And Being Chased In A Fun Way.

I'd Say Any Good Set Or Any Comedy That I've Worked On, That's Worked, Has Been Comedians Pitching Ideas Back And Forth To Each Other. A Lot Of Like, 'what If You Say This? What About This?'

You Can't Stand Around And Wait To Be Asked To Dance.

Improvisation Is Almost Like The Retarded Cousin In The Comedy World. We've Been Trying Forever To Get Improvisation On Tv. It's Just Like Stand-up. It's Best When It's Just Left Alone. It Doesn't Translate Always On Tv. It's Best Live.

I Am Interested In People Who Swim In The Deep End. I Want To Have Conversations About Real Things With People Who Have Experienced Real Things. I'm Tired Of Talking About Movies And Gossiping About Friends. Life Is Crunchy And Complicated And All The More Delicious.

Emotions Are Like Passing Storms, And You Have To Remind Yourself That It Won't Rain Forever. You Just Have To Sit Down And Watch It Pour Outside And Then Peek Your Head Out When It Looks Dry.

Both Conservatives And Liberals Watch 'parks And Recreation,' And They Each Think The Show Is For Them, Which Is Really Cool. 'snl' Was Totally Different. It Was Exciting Because Everyone Was Paying Attention. Political Humor Works When People Know What You're Talking About.

If The Goal Is Doing Good Stuff And Working With Your Friends ... If You’re Doing That Then You’re Succeeding.

When You Feel Scared, Hold Someone's Hand And Look Into Their Eyes. And When You Feel Brave, Do The Same Thing. You Are All Here Because You Are Smart. And You Are Brave. And If You Add Kindness And The Ability To Change A Tire, You Almost Make Up The Perfect Person.

I Grew Up Watching Skating All The Time In The Olympic Stuff.

Any Actor Or Actress That Tells You That They Don't Watch Their Stuff Is Lying.

Taking Risks And Making Choices Is What Makes Life So Exciting.

Ladies Like Improv Stilts, And I Think Men Like Improv Giant Cocks. But One Of The Great Things About Improv Is That You Get To Play Some Roles You'd Never Get To Play Otherwise, You Know, Like The Old Italian Pizza-maker Who's Passing On The Business Down To His Son. You Get To Play It All When You Improvise.

Try Putting Your Iphones Down Every Once In A While And Look At People's Faces.

Funny Graduation

Sleep Is Out... Tired Is The New Black.

Shame Makes People Abandon Their Children And Drink Themselves To Death. It Also Keeps Us From True Happiness. An Apology Is A Glorious Release.

Girls Have To Fight Against A Lot Of The Same Stuff We Did Growing Up... Peer Pressure, Exploitation, Etc. But What Worries Me The Most Is This Trend That Caring About Something Isn't Cool. That It's Better To Comment On Something Than To Commit To It. That It's So Much Cooler To Be Unmotivated And Indifferent.

Because Of Various Security Lapses, Some Senators Are Calling For A Probe Of The Security At The Offices Of The Department Of Homeland Security. The Investigation Will Be Conducted By The Department Of Irony.

The Process Of Divorce Is About Loading That Blanket, Throwing It Up, Watching It All Spin, And Worrying What Stuff Will Break When It Lands.

There's Power In Looking Silly And Not Caring That You Do.

I Don’t Really Believe In Cars, But I Drive One Every Day And I Love That It Gets Me Places And Makes Life So Much Easier And Faster And I Don’t Know What I Would Do Without It.

I Find That, In General, The Amount Of Sharing Men Do With Each Other In One Year Is About The Same As What I Share With My Female Friends While We Wait For Our Cars At The Valet.

Any Painful Experience Makes You See Things Differently. It Also Reminds You Of The Simple Truths That We Purposely Forget Every Day Or Else We Would Never Get Out Of Bed.

Painful Experiences

A Person's Tragedy Does Not Make Up Their Entire Life. A Story Carves Deep Grooves Into Our Brains Each Time We Tell It. But We Aren't One Story. We Can Change Our Stories. We Can Write Our Own.

You Become More Attractive When You Love Yourself. You Attract The Right Things When You Have A Sense Of Who You Are.

Great People Do Things Before They're Ready...you Might Find Out Something About Yourself That's Really Special And If You're Not Good, Who Cares? You Tried Something.

However, If You Do Start Crying In An Argument And Someone Asks Why, You Can Always Say, 'i'm Just Crying Because Of How Wrong You Are.'

It Seems A Strange Thing, But Once I Was Able To Get Past That Kind Of Self-image Problem, I Was Able To Open Up In My Comedy Work And Just Go All Out, Take Chances, And Have Fun With The Performance Aspect Of That.

Most Authors Liken The Struggle Of Writing To Something Mighty And Macho, Like Wrestling A Bear. Writing A Book Is Nothing Like That. It Is A Small, Slow Crawl To The Finish Line. Honestly, I Have Moments When I Don't Even Care If Anyone Reads This Book. I Just Want To Finish It.

Your Career And Your Passion Don't Always Match Up. Plenty Of Talented People Don't Have The Careers They Want. Plenty Of Untalented People Make Millions And Make Movies. There Is A Difference Between Determination And Talent.

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin Said That New Orleans, When Rebuilt, Will Be A Chocolate City. And He Will Be The Delicious Nut In The Center.

It’s Very Hard To Have Ideas. It’s Very Hard To Put Yourself Out There, It’s Very Hard To Be Vulnerable, But Those People Who Do That Are The Dreamers, The Thinkers And The Creators. They Are The Magic People Of The World.

I've Grown Tired Of Smoke And Mirrors. I Yearn For The Clean, Well-lighted Place.

Talented Men Are Not Threatened By Talented Women. They Welcome Them. And Same Way With Real Men.

The Answer To A Lot Of Your Life's Questions Is Often In Someone Else's Face. People's Faces Will Tell You Amazing Things. Like If They Are Angry, Or Nauseous, Or Asleeptry To Keep Your Mind Open To Possibilities And Your Mouth Closed On Matters That You Don't Know About. Limit Your 'always' And Your 'nevers.' Continue To Share Your Heart With People Even If It Has Been Broken.

It’s Never Overreacting To Ask For What You Want And Need.

I Get Worried For Young Girls Sometimes; I Want Them To Feel That They Can Be Sassy And Full And Weird And Geeky And Smart And Independent, And Not So Withered And Shriveled.

You Have To Remember That Goodbyes Are Temporary Because No One Ever Really Leaves And Nothing Lasts Forever. People Are Always With Us, Because They Are In Our Hearts And In Our Memory. The Only Thing We Can Depend On Is Change... Life Is Just A Series Of Moments -- A String Of Pearls That Make Up The Necklace Of Your Life And So Every Once In A While, To Complete The Circle, You Need To End A Chapter.

During An Interview With Katie Couric Tuesday, Sarah Palin Says She Is Not Opposed To Gay People, Adding 'one Of My Absolute Best Friends For The Last 30 Years Happens To Be Gay And I Love Her Dearly And She Doesn't Exist.'

I'm Going To Do 'the Social Network Two: The Electric Boogaloo.' And I Have A Part In 'beige Swan.' I'm Going To Be The Lead, But I Don't Dance. I Just Do A Lot Of Sitting Down. It's Too Tiring To Get Up And Dance Around. That Should Be Coming Out In 20-never.

A Bossy Woman Is Someone To Search Out And Celebrate. A Bossy Woman Is Someone Who Cares And Commits And Is A Natural Leader.

Earlier Today Former Vermont Governor Howard Dean Became The New Head Of The Democratic National Committee -- No Word On Who Will Be The Neck.

That Is The Motto Women Should Constantly Repeat Over And Over Again. 'good For Her! Not For Me.'

I Have A Boyfriend Who Knows How To Settle Me. He Puts His Hand On My Chest And Tells Me Boring Stories. On One Of Our First Nights Together I Woke Up Apologizing For My Snoring And He Pulled Out Two Earplugs He Had Worn To Bed So He Could Hear What I Was Saying.

I Want Girls To Feel That They Can Be Sassy And Full And Weird And Geeky And Smart And Independent, And Not So Withered And Shriveled. (the American Apparel Ads) I'm Over This Weird, Exhausted Girl. I'm Over The Girl That's Tired And Freezing And Hungry. I Like Bossy Girls. I Like People Filled With Life. I'm Over This Weird Media Thing With All This, Like, Hollow-eyed, Empty, Party Crap.

Always Remember Your Kid's Name.

I Was The Daughter Of Teachers, So School Was Always Very Important. I Liked It.

I Used To Get My Hair Dyed At A Place Called Big Hair. It Cost $15. They Just Used Straight Bleach, So My Hair Was The Color Of White Lined Paper, And My Eyebrows Looked Like They Were Done With A Thick Black Marker.

The Truth Is, Writing Is This: Hard And Boring And Occasionally Great But Usually Not.

The Computer Is The New Fireplace, Everyone In The Family Gathers Around The Digital Hearth For Warmth.

Please Don't Drive Drunk, Okay? Seriously... But By All Means, Walk Drunk. That Looks Hilarious. Everyone Loves To Watch Someone Act Like They Are Trying To Make It To Safety During A Hurricane.

Telling Me To Relax Or Smile When I'm Angry Is Like Bringing A Birthday Cake Into An Ape Sanctuary. You're Just Asking To Get Your Nose And Genitals Bitten Off.

Don't Think. Get Out Of Your Head. Stop Planning And Just Go.

My Idea Of The Perfect Exercise Class Is This: The Teacher Gives Us All A Hug And Goes, “you Did It! You Showed Up! Let’s Lie Down.” We All Lie Down And She’s Like, “how Is Everybody Feeling?” We’re Like, “great!” And The Teacher’s Like, “great!” Then We All Get To Leave 20 Minutes Early.

In The Wake Of Newly-alleged Prisoner Abuse This Week, Senator John Mccain Said That Continued Mistreatment Of Iraqi Prisoners Is Hurting The Nation's Image. Also Hurting The Nation's Image: Letting People Drown When It Rains.

Blessed Are They Who See Beautiful Things In Humble Places Where Other People See Nothing. Continue To Share Your Heart With People Even If It's Been Broken.

The Great Thing About Taking Big Chances When You're Younger Is You Have Less To Lose, And You Don't Know As Much. So You Take Big Swings.

Funny Inspirational

My Phone Is Trying To Kill Me. It Is A Battery-charged Rectangle Of Disappointment And Possibility. It Is A Technological Pacifier.

I Find My Relationships At 40-plus Are Really Emulsified, Juicy Relationships Because You Have More Of A Sense Of Who You Are And Who You Want To Be Around.

Creativity Is Connected To Your Passion, That Light Inside You That Drives You. That Joy That Comes When You Do Something You Love. That Small Voice That Tells You, 'i Like This. Do This Again. You Are Good At It. Keep Going.' That Is The Juicy Stuff That Lubricates Our Lives And Helps Us Feel Less Alone In The World.

I Don't Think A Man Who Is Fifteen Years Younger Than Me Should Tell Me He Is Proud Of Me Unless He Is My Sober Coach Or My Time-travel Dad.

Hey, Guess What? Turns Out The Free Market? Not So Free. Wall Street Was Hit Hard Monday When Lehman Brothers Filed For Bankruptcy, Merrill Lynch Was Sold To Bank Of America, And Insurance Giant Aig Neared A Collapse Of Its Own. Basically, If Your Commercials Air During Golf Tournaments, You're Done.

I Like The Person Who Commits And Goes All In And Takes Big Swings And Then Maybe Fails Or Looks Stupid; Who Jumps And Falls Down, Rather Than The Person Who Points At The Person Who Fell, And Laughs.

The Only Thing We Can Depend On In Life Is That Everything Changes. The Seasons, Our Partners, What We Want And Need. We Hold Hands With Out High School Friends And Swear To Never Lose Touch, And Then We Do.change Is The Only Constant. Your Ability To Navigate And Tolerate Change And Its Painful Uncomfortableness Directly Correlates To Your Happiness And General Well-being.

There's Something So Romantic About Being Broke In New York. You Gotta Do It. You Have To Live There Once Without Any Money, And Then You Have To Live There When You Have Money. Let Me Tell You, Of The Two, The Latter Is Far Better.

Don't Treat Your Heart Like An Action Figure Wrapped In Plastic And Never Used.

Rooting For Other People's Failure Does Get In The Way Of Your Success...when You Can Wish Good Things For People And Rejoice When They Get It, So Many Gifts And Blessings Come To You That You Can't Even Imagine.

I Like To Do Things That Challenge Me And Make Me Nervous.

Opening Your Heart And Being Courageous And Telling People That You Care About Them Or Like Them Or That You Think They're Special Only Makes You A Better, Bigger, Kinder, Softer, More Loving Person, And Only Attracts More Love Into Your Life.

I Think If I Have Established Anything In My Book, It's That A Key Element Of Being My Friend Is Being Comfortable With My Forced Fun.

You Learn Early As An Actor That Creating Your Own Material Is The Only Way To Have Any Control.

Just Breathe. Sometimes You're Only A Few Breaths Away From Feeling Better.

It Is Time To Leave. Oprah Has Spoken.

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