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Please Don't Drive Drunk, Okay? Seriously... But By All Means, Walk Drunk. That Looks Hilarious. Everyone Loves To Watch Someone Act Like They Are Trying To Make It To Safety During A Hurricane.

-Amy Poehler

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Please Don't Drive Drunk,

Amy Poehler

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Please Don't Drive Drunk, Okay? Seriously... But By All Means, Walk Drunk. That Looks Hilarious. Everyone Loves To Watch Someone Act Like They Are Trying To Make It To Safety During A Hurricane.

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Creativity Is Connected To Passion - That Light Inside That Drives You.

I Find That, In General, The Amount Of Sharing Men Do With Each Other In One Year Is About The Same As What I Share With My Female Friends While We Wait For Our Cars At The Valet.

Telling Me To Relax Or Smile When I'm Angry Is Like Bringing A Birthday Cake Into An Ape Sanctuary. You're Just Asking To Get Your Nose And Genitals Bitten Off.

During An Interview With Katie Couric Tuesday, Sarah Palin Says She Is Not Opposed To Gay People, Adding 'one Of My Absolute Best Friends For The Last 30 Years Happens To Be Gay And I Love Her Dearly And She Doesn't Exist.'

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To Some People, Not Caring Is Supposed To Be Cool, Commenting Is More Interesting Than Doing, And Everything Is Judged And Then Disposed Of In, Like, Five Minutes. I'm Not Interested In Those Kinds Of People. I Like The Person Who Commits And Goes All In And Takes Big Swings And Then Maybe Fails Or Looks Stupid; Who Jumps And Falls Down, Rather Than The Person Who Points At The Person Who Fell, And Laughs. But I Do Sometimes Laugh When People Fall Down.

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Always Remember Your Kid's Name.

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Be Yourself! And Then Tell Us About It! And Then Let's Dance!

When You Host A Show You Have To Hopefully Be Funny At The Top And Set The Tone For A Really Fun Evening.

According To Washington Insiders, White House Press Secretary Scott Mcclellan Could Be The Next Official To Leave The Bush Administration. Mcclellan Says He'd Like To Spend More Time Lying For His Family

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Make No A Complete Sentence.

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Sometimes You Need To Know To Quit While You're Ahead Or At Least Before Things Get Much Worse!

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Watching Great People Do What You Love Is A Good Way To Start Learning How To Do It Yourself.

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Only At The Golden Globes Do The Beautiful People Of Film Rub Shoulders With The Rat-faced People In Television.

So, If You're Doing Good Longform With Talented People Than You Can Step Out And You Can Be The President Or A Construction Worker And People Accept That. It's Really The Roles You Give Yourself.

Construction Workers

Fighting Aging Is Like The War On Drugs. It's Expensive, Does More Harm Than Good, And Has Been Proven To Never End.

The Computer Is The New Fireplace, Everyone In The Family Gathers Around The Digital Hearth For Warmth.

Doing What You're Afraid Of, Getting Out Of Your Comfort Zone, Taking Risks Like That- That's What Life Is.

I'd Say Any Good Set Or Any Comedy That I've Worked On, That's Worked, Has Been Comedians Pitching Ideas Back And Forth To Each Other. A Lot Of Like, 'what If You Say This? What About This?'

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I Know Enough Now To Know I Know Nothing.

When You're Doing Sketch Comedy And You're Pregnant, It's Like Wearing A Giant Sombrero In Every Sketch.

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Try To Keep Your Mind Open To Possibilities And Your Mouth Closed On Matters That You Don't Know About. Limit Your 'always' And Your 'nevers.'

Vulnerable People Are Powerful People. Opening Your Heart And Sharing It Means You're Going To Get So Much Love In Your Life. And It's The Way To True Connection And Real Purpose And Meaning In Your Life, In My Opinion.

I Just Want To Help Other Women Achieve As Much As They Can In Society Without Restraints Being Imposed On Us. It's The Most Natural And Normal Thing To Want To Defend Your Rights To Equal Opportunities, Equal Pay For Equal Work, And Everything That Comes With That.

We Don't Want To Be Afraid To Make A Choice Because We're Afraid To Make A Mistake Because Most Decisions Aren't Final. Feelings Change All The Time. You Can Always Change Your Mind And Taking Risks And Making Choices Is What Makes Life So Exciting Because We Never Know What's Going To Happen. Every Day Something New Comes Our Way.

As An Actor, You Can Certainly, At Any Moment And At Any Time, Discover 400 People Who Think You're Stupid, Fat And Ugly.

Continue To Share Your Heart With People Even If It's Been Broken.

Your Career And Your Passion Don't Always Match Up. Plenty Of Talented People Don't Have The Careers They Want. Plenty Of Untalented People Make Millions And Make Movies. There Is A Difference Between Determination And Talent.

It's Easier To Be Brave When You're Not Alone.

I Am Interested In People Who Swim In The Deep End. I Want To Have Conversations About Real Things With People Who Have Experienced Real Things. I'm Tired Of Talking About Movies And Gossiping About Friends. Life Is Crunchy And Complicated And All The More Delicious.

We Have To Agree Beforehand To Divide The Funniest Lines Between Us. But Tina [fey] Is So Brilliant That I Just Love Every Moment Working With Her And Also Just Hanging Out Together As Friends.

Don't Think. Get Out Of Your Head. Stop Planning And Just Go.

I Really Do Believe That Anything In Life - Any Obstacle Or Challenge - Can Be Made Better With Humor.

Stop Whining About Getting Old. It's A Privilege. A Lot Of People Who Are Dead Wish They Were Still Alive.

Reading Was A Way To Make Friends Or Enemies, A Way To Discover How All These Different People Exist In The World And To Rub Shoulders With Them. The Ability To Feel As If You Have Met Someone, As If That Person Exists In Flesh And Blood And That You Relate To Them Somehow, Makes You Feel A Lot Less Lonely. And It Also Makes You Feel Very Brave.

It's Very Hard To Watch Comedy For Me, When I'm Doing A Comedy Show, Because I Either Watch A Show And I Love It, And I'm Jealous, Or I Watch A Show And I See All The Problems With It, And I'm Angry That I Watched It.

Any Actor Or Actress That Tells You That They Don't Watch Their Stuff Is Lying.

I Have These Meetings With Really Powerful Men And They Ask Me All The Time, 'where Are Your Kids? Are Your Kids Here?' it's Such A Weird Question. Never In A Million Years Do I Ask Guys Where Their Kids Are. It Would Be Comparable To Me Going To A Guy, 'do You Feel Like You See Your Kids Enough?'

You Have To Care About How Good You Are And How Good You Feel, But Not About How Good People Think You Are Or How Good People Think You Look.

Great People Do Things Before They’re Ready. They Do Things Before They Know They Can Do It.

Believe Me, Blond Hair Can Take You Really Far, Especially With The Older Men. It Can Really Distract From The Face. I Am Convinced I Could Have Had Sex With Both Tony Bennett And John Mccain If We Weren't Each Happily Married At The Time We All Met.

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Rooting For Other People's Failure Does Get In The Way Of Your Success.

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I Like Hard Work And I Don’t Like Pretending Things Are Perfect.

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I Used To Say That I Wanted To Make Great Art With People I Love. Now I Have An Addendum To That Goal: To Get Things On The Air.

Everyone Needs Love, Never Hurt A Living Thing [and] Don’t Worry About The Choices You Make Because Everything Will Be Fun Because Life Is A Closet Filled With Pool Toys.

If The Goal Is Doing Good Stuff And Working With Your Friends ... If You’re Doing That Then You’re Succeeding.

There's Nothing Like Watching A Live Performance Of, Frankly, Anything. You Have To Make Sure That People Believe Everything Is Improvised. I Could Not Stress Enough How Little We [actors] Prepare And What Small Amount Of Time We Put In Before These Shows.

In My Twenties I Tried Cocaine, Which I Instantly Loved But Eventually Hated. Cocaine Is Terrific If You Want To Hang Out With People You Don't Know Very Well And Play Ping-pong All Night. It's Bad For Almost Everything Else.

You Have To Remember That Goodbyes Are Temporary Because No One Ever Really Leaves And Nothing Lasts Forever. People Are Always With Us, Because They Are In Our Hearts And In Our Memory. The Only Thing We Can Depend On Is Change... Life Is Just A Series Of Moments -- A String Of Pearls That Make Up The Necklace Of Your Life And So Every Once In A While, To Complete The Circle, You Need To End A Chapter.

I Grew Up Watching Skating All The Time In The Olympic Stuff.

I Had To Come To Terms With How I Saw Myself. I Had To Understand That I Wasn't Pretty Or Beautiful Like Most Actresses And That I Shouldn't Care About Whether Other People Found Me Attractive Or Not.

I Have To Say I Enjoy Physical Comedy And I've Always Loved To Kind Of Take Risks. I Don't Like Worrying Too Much About How I Look Or How I Come Across, So That Can Sometimes... You Know, I Like To Play Those Kinds Of Deluded But Fun Characters.

Sleep Helps You Win At Life.

Take Your Risks Now; As You Become Older, You Become More Fearful And Less Flexible. And I Mean That Literally. I Hurt My Knee This Week On The Treadmill, And It Wasn't Even On.

In The Trial Of Saddam Hussein On Tuesday, Witnesses Emotionally Testified About The Abuse The Former Dictator Inflicted On Them. Afterward, A Tearful Saddam Said, 'ah, Good Times.'

I Also Love Being Able To Do Something That Kids And Families Can Enjoy Because I Have Two Children Of My Own And I Want Them To Grow Up Watching All The Fabulous Animated Movies And Cartoons That I Loved To Watch As A Kid.

Whenever I Read Stories Of People Doing Huge Pranks On Set, All I Think Is, 'these People Have Too Much Time On Their Hands.' Besides, I Don't Want To Make Some Poor Assistant Clean Up Someone's Trailer After I've Filled It With, Say, Cadbury Eggs. See? I Can't Even Think Of A Good Prank.

Sleep Can Completely Change Your Entire Outlook On Life. One Good Night's Sleep Can Help You Realize That You Shouldn't Break Up With Someone, Or You Are Being Too Hard On Your Friend, Or You Actually Will Win The Race Or The Game Or Get The Job. Sleep Helps You Win At Life.

If You Can Speak About What You Care About To A Person You Disagree With Without Denigrating Them Or Insulting Them, Then You May Actually Be Heard.

The French Have Launched Their Own Version Of Google, Called Quaero. You Just Type In The Subject You're Interested In, And Quaero Refuses To Look It Up For You.

When In Doubt, Make Funny Faces.

When Young Girls Are Encouraged To Explore What They Find Interesting, They Grow Up To Be Interesting Women.

Because Of Various Security Lapses, Some Senators Are Calling For A Probe Of The Security At The Offices Of The Department Of Homeland Security. The Investigation Will Be Conducted By The Department Of Irony.

The Earlier You Learn That You Should Focus On What You Have, And Not Obsess About What You Don't Have, The Happier You Will Be.

It Likes It When You Don’t Depend On It. It Will Reward You Every Time You Don’t Act Needy. It Will Chase You If You Act Like Other Things (passion, Friendship, Family, Longevity) Are More Important To You. If Your Career Is A Bad Boyfriend, It Is Healthy To Remember You Can Always Leave And Go Sleep With Somebody Else.

Taking Risks And Making Choices Is What Makes Life So Exciting.

Treat Your Career Like A Bad Boyfriend... Your Career Wont Take Care Of You. It Won't Call You Back Or Introduce You To Its Parents. Your Career Will Openly Flirt With Other People While You Are Around... You Have To Care About Your Work, But Not About The Result. You Have To Care About How Good You Are And How Good You Feel, But Not About How Good People Think You Are Or How Good People Think You Look.

The Process Of Divorce Is About Loading That Blanket, Throwing It Up, Watching It All Spin, And Worrying What Stuff Will Break When It Lands.

I Get A Little Itchy If I Don't Have Some Control.

I Cannot Stress Enough That The Answer To Life's Questions Is Often In People's Faces. Try Putting Your Iphones Down Once In A While, And Look In People's Faces. People's Faces Will Tell You Amazing Things. Like If They Are Angry, Or Nauseous Or Asleep.

When I Had A Job Catering, I Catered A Wedding For The Smashing Pumpkins Bassist In Indiana. And I Served Billy Corgan Shrimp Off A Tray.

Keep Your Virginity For As Long As You Can, Until It Starts To Feel Weird To You. Then Just Get It Over With.

I Am A Firm Believer That Every Few Years One Needs To Shake One's Life Through A Sieve, Like A Miner In The Yukon. The Gold Nuggets Remain. The Rest Falls Through Like The Soft Earth It Is.

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C. Northcote Parkinson

Felix Mendelssohn

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