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From Up Above, In A Plane Passing Over, You’d Just See One Little Light In All This Dark, With No Idea Of The Lives That Were Being Lived Within It, And In The House Beside, And Beside That One. So Much Happening In The World, Night And Day, Hour By Hour. It Was No Wonder We Were Meant To Sleep, If Only To Check Out Of It For A Little While.

-Sarah Dessen

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From Up Above, In

Sarah Dessen

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From Up Above, In A Plane Passing Over, You’d Just See One Little Light In All This Dark, With No Idea Of The Lives That Were Being Lived Within It, And In The House Beside, And Beside That One. So Much Happening In The World, Night And Day, Hour By Hour. It Was No Wonder We Were Meant To Sleep, If Only To Check Out Of It For A Little While.

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We Can All Be Beautiful Girls.

Mayonnaise Is A Lot Like Men, It Can Make Everything Much Better, Adding Flavor And Ease To Your Life. Or, It Can Just Be Sticky And Gross And Make You Nauseous"- "keeping The Moon

What You Need, What You Deserve, Is A Guy Who Adores You For What You Are. Who Doesn't See You As A Project, But A Prize. You Know?

What You Deserve

During The Long Stretches Of Quiet Two-lane Highway, With The Sun Setting In The Distance, It Was Somehow Easier To Say Things Aloud, And Regardless Of What Was Said, We Just Kept Moving Toward That Horizon.

"look," I Said, "we Knew Jason And Becky Would Be Back, The Break Would End. This Isn't A Surprise, It's What's Supposed To Happen. It's What We Wanted. Right?" "is It?" He Asked. "is It What You Want?" Whether He Intended It To Be Or Not, This Was The Final Question, The Last Truth. If I Said What I Really Thought, I Was Opening Myself Up For A Hurt Bigger Than I Could Even Imagine. I Didn't Have It In Me. We Changed And Altered So Many Rules, But It Was This One, The Only One When We'd Started, That I Would Break. "yes," I Said.

I Was Actually Kind Of A Hot Mess In High School. I Did A Lot Of Things In High School I'm Not Proud Of. I Wasn't A Good Student And I Wasn't Particularly A Good Daughter. I Wasn't Very Engaged.

And So, While The Rest Of The World Went On Unaware, Drinking Their Coffee, Reading The Sports Page, And Picking Up Their Dry Cleaning, I Leaned Forward And Kissed Dexter, Making A Choice That Would Change Everything. Maybe Somewhere There Was A Ripple, A Bit Of Jump, Some Small Shift In The Universe, Barely Noticeable. I Didn’t Feel It Then. I Felt Only Him Kissing Me Back, Easing Me Into The Sunlight As I Lost Myself In The Taste Of Him And Felt The World Go On, Just As It Always Had, All Around Us.

Some Things Don't Last Forever, But Some Things Do.

It Was So Easy To Disown What You Couldn't Recognize, To Keep Yourself Apart From Things That Were Foreign And Unsettling. The Only Person You Can Be Sure To Control, Always, Is Yourself. Which Is A Lot To Be Sure Of, But At The Same Time, Not Enough.

It's A Lot Easier To Be Lost Than Found. It's The Reason We're Always Searching And Rarely Discovered--so Many Locks Not Enough Keys.

Just Me And The Future, Finally Together. Now There Was A Happy Ending I Could Believe In.

She Knew I Could Tell With One Glance, One Look, One Simple Instant. It Was Her Eyes. Despite The Thick Makeup, They Were Still Dark-rimmed., Haunted, And Sad. Most Of All Though, They Were Familiar. The Fact That We Were In Front Of Hundreds Of Strangers Changed Nothing At All. I'd Spent A Summer With Those Same Eyes-scared, Lost, Confused-staring Back At Me. I Would Have Known Them Anywhere.

I Just Stood There, Looking At Her. My Head Was Spinning, My Mouth Dry, And All I Could Think About Was That I Wanted To Go Someplace Safe, Someplace I Could Be Alone And Okay, And That This Was Impossible. My Old Life Had Changed And My New One Was Still In Progress, Altering By The Second. There Was Nothing, Nothing To Depend On. And Why Was I Surprised?

I'm Always Hopeful. I Feel Like I'm At The Prom Sitting Against The Wall Waiting For Someone To Ask Me To Dance.

Lifestyle Is An Terrible, Unpleasant Put To Not Have A Very Finest Buddy.

Let's Just Start And See What Happens.

My Dad Is A Retired Shakespeare Professor, My Mother A Retired Classicist. Suffice To Say I Grew Up In A House Full Of Books, Where Reading Was Encouraged If Not Required.

The Worst Thing You Can Do If You Miss Or Need Someone Is Let Them Know It.

Missing Someone

Once I’m Done With A Book, I’m Done! I’m Just Not A Sequel Kind Of Girl. By The Time I’ve Finished A Book I’ve Read It So Many Times That It’s Time To Move On.

Call It Crazy, Or Just Chicken Salad.

I Couldn't Tell Her. I Couldn't Tell Anyone. As Long As I Didn't Say It Aloud, It Wasn't Real.

One Word Could Change The Whole World

I've Found In My Own Life That If My Writing Isn't Going Well, Not Much Else Will. It Is The One Constant, The Key To Everything Else.

Nothing Happens For Ages, And Then All The Changes Come At Once.

She Took The Sun When It Came And The Rain The Same Way.

Even If You Do Make Tons Of New Friends,” I Told Him, “try Not To Forget Where You Came From, Okay?

So You Should Remember That, When You're Thinking About What Other People Can Deal With. Maybe It's Not So Bad.

Each Time, I Think I'm Never Going To Write Another Book. It Never Gets Easier.

You Just Had To Know Where To Look.

But The Original Was There As Well—more Jaded And Rudimentary, Functional Rather Than Romantic. It Fit Not Just The Yellow House But Another Door, Deep Within My Own Heart. One That Had Been Locked So Tight For So Long That I Was Afraid To Even Try It For Fear Of What Might Be On The Other Side

So Much Had Happened That Morning. Yet It Was This Image, This Moment, That I Kept Going Back To Hours Later, After We'd Made It Safely To The Walkway And Gone Our Separate Ways To Classes. How It Felt To Have The World Moving Beneath Me, A Hand Gripping Mine, Knowing If I Fell, At Least I Wouldn't Do It Alone.

Your Past Is Always Your Past. Even If You Forget It, It Remembers You.

If You Could Just Be Nice, Then You Wouldn't Have To Worry About Arguments At All. But Being Nice Wasn't As Easy As It Seemed, Especially When The Rest Of The World Could Be So Mean.

I Hadn't Said Goodbye. It Had Been Easier, Like Always, To Just Disappear, Sparing Myself The Messy Details Of Another Farewell. Now, My Fingers Hovered Over My Track Pad, Moving The Cursor Down To His Comment Section Before I Stopped Myself. What Was The Point? Anything I Said Now Would Only Be An Afterthought. Elizabeth Who Goes By Her Middle Name

That Sucks, Though," Wes Said Finally, His Voice Low. "you're Just Setting Yourself Up To Fail, Because You'll Never Get Everything Perfect." "says Who?" He Just Looked At Me. "the World," He Said, Gesturing All Around Us, As If This Party, This Deck Encompassed It All. "the Universe. There's Just No Way. And Why Would You Want Everything To Be Perfect, Anyway?" "i Don't Want Everything To Be Perfect," I Said. Just Me, I Thought. Somehow. "i Just Want—

But There Was Something I Liked About The Idea Of Those Seeds Buried So Deep Having At Least A Chance To Emerge

There Are Some Things In This World You Rely On, Like A Sure Bet. And When They Let You Down, Shifting From Where You've Carefully Placed Them, It Shakes Your Faith, Right Where You Stand.

You Get What You Give, But Also What You're Willing To Take.

"which Is Completely Out-of-line Behavior. Then You Are Wholly Within Your Rights To Stomp On Their Foot." "no," Delia Said, Over Her Shoulder. "actually, You're Not. Just Excuse Yourself As Politely As Possible, And Get Out Of Arm's Reach." Kristy Looked At Me, Shaking Her Head. "stomp Them." She Said, Under Her Breath. "really."

'i Don't Get It,' Caroline Said, Bemused. 'she's The Only One With Wings. Why Is That?'

And The Rest Is History,' I Said. Nah.' He Shook His Head. 'the Rest Is Now.

It Was Hard To Remember What The Yard Had Looked Like Even Twelve Hours Before, Undisturbed And Pristine. Like It Takes So Little To Change Something, But To Make You Forget The Way It Once Was, As Well.

You Can't Just Plan A Moment When Things Get Back On Track, Just As You Can't Plan The Moment You Lose Your Way In The First Place. But Standing There Alone On The Landing, I Thought Of Grandma Halley And How She'd Held Me Close Against Her Lap As We Watched The Sky Together. I'd Always Thought I Couldn't Remember, But Suddenly In That Moment, I Closed My Eyes And Saw The Comet, Finally, Brilliant And Impossible, Stretching Above Me Across The Sky.

It's All In The View. That's What I Mean About Forever, Too. For Any One Of Us Our Forever Could End In An Hour, Or A Hundred Years From Now. You Never Know For Sure, So You'd Better Make Every Second Count.

If You Were Dead," Owen Told Her, "you'd Have Bigger Problems Than What You Were Wearing.

Bigger Problems

No, No, No To Tallyho.

Accepting All The Good And Bad About Someone. It's A Great Thing To Aspire To. The Hard Part Is Actually Doing It.

One Open, One Closed. It Was No Wonder That The First Image That Came To Mind When I Thought Of Either Of My Sisters Was A Door. With Kirsten, It Was The Front One To Our House, Through Which She Was Always Coming In Or Out, Usually In Mid-sentence, A Gaggle Of Friends Trailing Behind Her. Whitney’s Was The One To Her Bedroom, Which She Preferred To Keep Shut Between Her And The Rest Of Us, Always.

I Didn't Trot My Pain Out To Show Around. I Kept It Better Hidden Than Anyone. I Did.

Sometimes. It Was A Good Escape. Until, You Know, It Wasn‟t.

I Used To Worry I Was Entirely Uninteresting, But The Truth Is I Think If My Life Was More Exciting I'd Never Have Any Time To Write.

I Wondered Again Why The Right Thing Always Seemed To Be Met With So Much Resistance, When You'd Think It Would Be The Easier Path. You Had To Fight To Be Virtuous.

The Further You Go, The More You Have To Be Proud Of. At The Same Time, In Order To Come A Long Way, You Have To Be Behind To Begin With. In The End, Though Maybe It's Not How You Reach A Place That Matters. Just That You Get There At All.

Like It Takes So Little Not Only To Change Something, But To Make You Forget The Way It Once Was, As Well.

Conciseness Is Underrated

Everything Hurt. I Closed My Eyes, Pressing My Cheek To The Street, And Waited. What For, I Didn't Know. To Be Rescued. Or Found. But No One Came. All I'd Ever Thought I Wanted Was To Be Left Alone. Until I Was.

Love Is So Unpredictable. Sometimes You'll Know A Man For Years And Then One Day, Boom! Suddenly You See Him In A Different Way. And Other Times, It's That First Date, That First Moment. That's What Makes It So Great.

'so,' He Said As We Turned Onto The Main Road, The Muffler Rattling, 'i've Been Thinking.' 'yeah?' He Nodded. 'you Really Need To Go Out With Me.' I Blinked. 'i'm Sorry?' 'you Know. You, Me. A Restaurant Or Movie. Together.' He Glanced Over, Shifting Gears. 'maybe It's A New Concept For You? If So, I'll Be Happy To Walk You Through It.' 'you Want To Take Me To A Movie?' I Asked. 'well, Not Really,' He Said. 'what I Really Want Is For You To Be My Girlfriend. But I Though Saying That Might Scare You Off.'

Family Isn’t Something That’s Supposed To Be Static, Or Set. People Marry In, Divorce Out. They’re Born, They Die. It’s Always Evolving, Turning Into Something Else.

Love Is So Unpredictable. That's What Makes It So Great.

This Thought Was Interrupted, Suddenly, By A Crash From The Front Entrance. We All Looked Over Just In Time To See Adam Bending Back From The Glass, Rubbing His Arm. "pull Open," Maggie Called Out. As Leah Rolled Her Eyes, She Said, "he Never Remembers. It's So Weird.

Are Those The Only Options? Nothing Or Forever?

I Think Readers Are Just Looking For Things That Maybe They Recognize Or Can Relate To In The Books.

Grieving Doesn't Make You Imperfect. It Makes You Human.

I Was Born In 1970 In Illinois, But All The Life I Remember I've Spent In Chapel Hill, N.c.

But Sometimes You Lose. Nothing You Can Do But Admit It. -eli

When Someone Starts To Change, And It’s Obvious, It's Sort Of Natural To Wonder Why. Right?

I Don't Believe In Failure, Because Simply By Saying You've Failed, You've Admitted You Attempted. And Anyone Who Attempts Is Not A Failure. Those Who Truly Fail In My Eyes Are The Ones Who Never Try At All. The Ones Who Sit On The Couch And Whine And Moan And Wait For The World To Change For Them.

I Don't Talk About My Books While I'm Writing Them: Not Even My Husband Knows What A Novel's About Until It's Done.

Quiet And Incredible. I Really Envy That.

It Was Great. Freedom Even The Imagined Kind Always Is.

Growing Up Means :propelling Yourself Forward Into Whatever Lies Ahead, One Turn Of The Wheel At A Time.

Why Don't You Ever Wait A Second And See What I'm Planning, Or Thinking, Before You Burst In With Your Opinions And Ideas? You Never Even Give Me A Chance.

During This Time We've Been Apart, It's You I've Thought Of When I'm At My Weakest, And You Who Have Pulled Me Through.

So Maybe It Wasn't The Fairy Tale. But Those Stories Weren't Real Anyway. Mine Were.

Sometimes Love Can Be An Ugly Thing.

I Was So Scared About Being Discovered, But Nobody Came. Nobody Heard. In My Own Ears, Though, My Sobs Sounded Primal And Scary, Like Something I Would Have Turned Off If I'd Been Able To.

Whether It Was A Song, A Person, Or A Story, There Was A Lot You Couldn’t Know From Just An Excerpt, A Glance, Or Part Of A Chorus.

Okay. Enough." I Got Out Of The Closet, Brushing Myself Off, Then Turned Around To Face Her. "this Is Happening. So You Need To Go Downstairs, Face Your Fears, And Make The Best Of It, And Everything Will Be Okay." She Narrowed Her Eyes At Me. "when Did You Suddenly Become So Positive?" "just Get Out Of There.

Once She'd Loved My Filet Mignon, My Carnivore Inklings, But Now She Was A Vegan Princess, Living Off Of Beans. She'd Given Up The Cheese And Bacon, Sworn Off Burger King, And When I Wouldn't Do The Same She Gave Me Back My Ring. I Stood There By The Romaine Lettuce, Feeling My Heart Pine. Wishing That This Meatless Beauty Still Would Be All Mine. She Turned Around To Go To Checkout, Fifteen Items Or Less. And I Knew This Was The Last Go-round, So This Is What I Said. ... "don't You Ever Give Me No Rotten Tomato, 'cause All I Ever Wanted Was Your Sweet Potato.

Donneven, Bettaquit And Mmmhmmmm

You Don't Have To Make Things Harder Then They Have To Be Just To Prove A Point.

Don't Be A Fool. Don't Give Up Something Important To Hold Onto Someone Who Can't Even Say They Love You.

This Was Our Common Ground, The Secret We Shared But Never Spoke Aloud.

The Basic Fact Is That No, This Isn't Ideal. Very Few Things Are. Sometimes, You Have To Manufacture Your Own History. Give Fate A Push,so To Speak.

Holding People Away From You, And Denying Yourself Love, That Doesn't Make You Strong. If Anything, It Makes You Weaker. Because You're Doing It Out Of Fear.

The End Of A Wedding Reception Is Always So Depressing. And Only The Bride And Groom Are Spared, Jetting Off Into The Sunset While The Rest Of Us Wake Up The Next Morning To Just Another Day.

It's True. It's Like The Hidden Secret That No One Tells You. We Can All Be Beautiful Girls, Colie. It's So Easy. It's Like Dorothy Clicking Her Heels To Go Home. You Could Do It All Along.

I Always Have A Goal, Even If I Keep It To Myself. It Allows Me To Keep Pushing Myself.

If You Try Anything, If You Try To Lose Weight, Or To Improve Yourself, Or To Love, Or To Make The World A Better Place, You Have Already Achieved Something Wonderful, Before You Even Begin. Forget Failure. If Things Don't Work Out The Way You Want, Hold Your Head Up High And Be Proud. And Try Again. And Again. And Again!

Yeah. I Mean, Acknowledging Is Easy. Something Happened Or It Didn't. But Understanding... That's Where Things Get Sticky.

Are You Crazy? Flirting With Eli Stock In Front Of Belissa Norwood, In Belissa Norwood’s House, While Eating Belissa Norwood’s Cupcakes?

I Don't Know. Just Because Someone's Pretty Doesn't Mean She's Decent. Or Vice Versa. I'm Not Into Appearances. I Like Flaws, I Think They Make Things Interesting.

I'd Learn That It's Not Just Where You Go, But How You Choose To Get There. So I Pulled That Sign Off The Green Bike - Enjoy Your Ride! - And Went Inside To Take The First Step Toward Doing Just That.

It Wasn't About Being Happy Or Unhappy. I Just Didn't Want To Be Me Anymore.

All The Bitchy Girls In The World Are Just A Training Ground For What Men Can Do To You.

I Have To Admit, An Unrequited Love Is So Much Better Than A Real One. I Mean, It's Perfect... As Long As Something Is Never Even Started, You Never Have To Worry About It Ending. It Has Endless Potential.

Unrequited Love

She Said Writting Novels Was Like Childbirth: If You Truly Remembered How Awful It Got, You'd Never Do It Again.

You Couldn't See The Key Around My Neck: It Hung Too Low Under Both Collars. But If I Leaned In Close, I Could Make It Out, Buried Deep Beneath. Out Of Sight, Hard To Recognize, But Still Able To Be Found, Even If I Was The Only One To Ever Look For It.

She Was Just A Shell Of Her Former Self, Functioning And Talking But Hardly Alive.

But For Now, I Just Sat There On The Bed And Listened To My Song. The One That Had Been Written For Me By A Man Who Knew Me Not At All, Now Sung By The One Who Knew Me Best.

And She Was Good To Me: Strong, Fun, And Fiercely Loyal. And If I Didn't Have Many Other Friends Because Of Her-most Girls Were Intimidated By Her Looks, Or Thought She Was Too Pushy, Or Just Flat-out Feared For Their Boyfriends-it Never Bothered Me. I Never Missed Having A Wide, Thick Circle Of Girlfriends: Rina Was More Than Enough. We Were Comfortable With Each Other's Flaws And Weaknesses, So We Stuck Together And Kept To Ourselves.

Editing Is Hard But Nowhere Near As Tough As Facing That Blank Page And Blinking Cursor Each Day. You're All Alone And No One Else Can Do It. At Least With Editing You Have Someone In The Trench With You.

Everything, In The End, Comes Down To Timing. One Second, One Minute, One Hour Could Make All The Difference.

You Own A Tic Tac. Gum Is Just Borrowed. - Esther

You Didn't Have To Take A Punch For Me, You Know,' He Said. 'i'm A Lover, Not A Fighter.' 'you're A Freak Is What You Are,' I Said. He Stuck Out His Hand. 'come On, Slugger. Walk With Me. You Know You Want To.' And The Thing Was, Despite Everything I Knew-that It Was A Mistake, That He Was Different From The Others-i Did. How He Knew That, I Had No Idea. But I Got Up And Did It Anyway.

That Was The Thing About Being Alone, In Theory Or In Principle. Whatever Happened - Good, Bad, Or Anywhere In Between - It Was Always, If Nothing Else, All Your Own.

He Always Did The Leaving. But Not This Time. She Kept Walking, And Did Not Look Back.

I Eased Back On My Elbows, Tilting My Head Back To Look Up At The Sky, Which Was Pinkish, Streaked With Red. This Was The Time We Knew Best, That Stretch Of Day Going From Dusk To Dark. It Seemed Like We Were Always Waiting For Nighttime Here. I Could Feel The Trampoline Easing Up And Down, Moved By Our Own Breathing, Bringing Us In Small Increments Up And Back From The Sky As The Colors Faded, Slowly, And The Stars Began To Show Themselves.

You, Have This Whole Tall, Dark Stranger Thing Going On. Not To Mention The Tortured Artist Bit. And You, Have That Whole Blonde Cool And Collected Perfect Smart Thing Going On. You're The Boy All The Girls Want To Rebel With. You, Are The Unattainable Girl In Homeroom Who Never Gives A Guy The Time Of Day.

When I Was In High School, I Was Always Really Envious Of Those Girls Who Seemed To Have Everything: The Perfect Hair, Perfect Clothes, Perfect Boyfriend, Perfect Life. It Wasn't Until I Was Older That I Realized That Nobody's Life Is Perfect, And That Those Girls Probably Had A Lot Of The Same Problems I Did.

It Took A Lot Of Work To Be Perfect.

You Know, When It Works, Love Is Pretty Amazing. It's Not Overrated. There's A Reason For All Those Songs.

Because Maybe, The Best Of Times Were Yet To Come. You Never Knew.

Never Would Forever, With All Its Meanings, Be So Clear And Distinct As In The True, Guaranteed End Of The World.

And That Was It; It Was So Easy For Her. My Own Memories Did Not Even Belong To Me. But I Knew She Was Wrong. I Had Seen That Comet. I Knew It As Well As I Knew My Own Face, My Own Hands. My Own Heart.

I Looked At The Sweatshirt Again. "'you Swim' Is A Philosophy?" He Shrugged. "better Than 'you Sink', Right?

I Had Stepped Into His Arms, Showing Him My Raw, Broken Heart.

He Was The Closest Thing I'd Ever Had To Something, Or Someone, That Mattered. But In The End, Close Didn't Count. You Were Either In, Or You Weren't.

You Just Walk Over There And Into The Office And Say, 'hey, Be My Prom Date,'" He Said. "it's That Simple.

Really, It Had Been Stupid To Expect Anything Anyway. A Few Late Nights Does Not A Habit, Or A Relationship, Make.

It's Not Always So Simple, Haven. Sometimes There Isn't A Good Guy And A Bad Guy. Sometimes Even The Ones You Want To Believe Turn Out To Be Liars.

[adam Picks Up The Camera] "i Have To Get A Shot Of This." The Reaction In The Room Was Swift, And Unanimous: Every Single Person Except Me Raised Their Hands At Once To Cover Their Faces. The Accompanying Utterances, Though, Were Varied. I Heard Everything From "please No" (maggie), To "jesus Christ" (wallace), To "stop It Or Die" (i'm Assuming It's Obvious).

Behind The Camera, I Was Invisible. When I Lifted It Up To My Eye It Was Like I Crawled Into The Lens, Losing Myself There. And Everything Else Fell Away.

But Something, Somehow, Had Made All These Paths Converge. You Couldn't Find It On A Checklist, Or Work It Into The Equation. It Just Happened.

One Word," Ted Replied, Dead Serious, "can Change The Whole World." There Was A Moment While We All Considered This. Finally Lissa Said To Chloe, Loud Enough For All Of Us To Hear (she'd Had A Minibottle Or Two Herself), "i Bet He Did Really Well On His Sats.

I Planned My Whole Future Around Adam," She Said Now, Quietly. "and Now I Have Nothing." "no," I Told Her, "now You Just Don't Have Adam. There's A Big Difference, Lissa. You Just Can't See It Yet.

But God!who Could Live Like This , Anyway, With The Kind Of Guesswork That Was Enough To Make A Person Crazy, Just Sailing Along, Taking Bumps Here And There, No Course Navigated Whatsoever, With Any Big Wave Capable Of Just Tipping And Sinking You Entirely. It Was Madness, Stipidity, And- (then I Saw Him)

You Just Looked..." She Said, Searching For The Word, "taken, You Know? Plus You Hardly Reacted To Wes. I Mean, You Did Alittle, But Nothing Like Most Girls. It Was A Little Swoon. Not A Sa-woon, You Know?" I Said, "sa-woon? Oh, Come On," She Said Shaking Her Head. "even A Blind Girl Could Tell He Is Amazing.

The First Boy Was Always The Hardest.

Of Course It Hurts", She Grumbled, Tipping My Head Further Back. "life Sucks. Get Over It

"you Ready To Play?" Dave Asked, Bouncing It. "i Don't Know," I Said. "are You Going To Cheat?" "it's Street Ball!" He Said Checking It To Me. "show Me That Love." So Chessy, I Thought. But As I Felt It, Solid Against My Hands, I Did Feel Something. I Wasn't Sure It Was Love. Maybe What Remained Of It, Though, Whatever That Might Be. "all Right," I Said. "let's Play."

He Doesn’t Love Me. He Might Still Love Me As I Was At Fifteen, When I Didn’t Know Any Better. When I Trusted Everyone. I’m Not That Person Any More. He’s Just A Boy. He Was The First To Really Hurt Me, But He’s Just A Boy. There Were A Lot Of Them.

Everything Looks Different When You're Older, Not Staring Up At The World But Down Upon It.

Maybe If I'd Agreed To Do The Debutante Thing Like She Wanted. Or Taken Up Pageants Instead Of Riding Jump Bikes With A Bunch Of Grungy Boys. I'd Always Tell Her, Why Can't I Do Both? Who Says You Have To Be Either Smart Or Pretty, Or Into Girly Stuff Or Sports? Life Shouldn't Be About The Either/or. We're Capable Of More Than That, You Know?

So This Had Been All I Wanted, A Boy Who Understood How I Felt. Now, Though, I Sometimes Wished For More.

"i Just Don't Know," I Said, My Voice Sounding Bumby, Not Like Mine, "how Do You Help Someone Who Doesn't Want Your Help. What Do You Do When You Can't Do Anything?"

If What You're Asking Is How I Debated Whether Or Not To Love Her The Answer Is I Didn't. Not At All. It Just Happened. I Didn't Ever Question It; By The Time I Realized What Was Happening, It Was Already Done.

I Find That The More I Depend On Real Life, The Less Interesting The Story Is. It's Much More Common For Me To Take Something That Almost-happened, Or I Wish Had Happened, And Then Follow That Possibility.

I Really Just Love To Read, Period, Whether It Be Books Or Magazines Or The Back Of The Cereal Box. It's The One Thing I Can Always Count On To Calm Me Down, Take Me Away And Inspire Me, All At Once.

I Took In A Breath. "what's The One Thing You'd Do," I Asked. "if You Could Do Anything?" Pass," He Said. For A Second I Was Sure I'd Heard Wrong. "what?" He Cleared His Throat. "i Said, I Pass." Why?" He Turned His Head And Looked At Me. "because." Because Why?" Because I Just Do.

There Comes A Time In Every Life When The World Gets Quiet And The Only Thing Left Is Your Heart.

I Honestly Don't Have Many Creative Outlets. I'm Not Crafty - Although Motherhood Has Forced Me To Try To Be - And I Can Only Draw Trees, Beaches, And Clouds. I'm A So-so Cook Except For Deviled Eggs. Writing Has Always Been The One Thing I Feel That I Am Pretty Good At Doing. But It's Enough, Thank Goodness.

Oh Darling, Don't Be Bitter. It's The First Instinct Of The Weak.

As If He Was Beating Me To The Punch, His Words Living Forever, While I Was Left Speechless, No Rebuttal, No Words Left To Say.

It Wasn't Until Kiffney-brown, When I Met Jason Talbot, That I Really Thought I Might Actually Have One Of Those Boyfriend Kind Of Stories To Tell The Next Time I Got Together With My Old Friends. Jason Was Smart, Good-looking, And Seriously On The Rebound After His Girlfriend At Jackson Dumped Him For, In His Words, 'a Juvenile Delinquent Welder With A Tattoo'.

In Those First Few Hours Officially Single Again The World Seems Like It Expands, Suddenly Bigger And More Vast Now That You Have To Get Through It Alone.

You Could Just Tell When A Person Belonged Somewhere. That Is Something You Can't Fake, No Matter How Hard You Try

Still, There Was Also Was Something Reassuring About Working For Commercial, Almost Hopeful. Like Things That Were Lost Could Be Found Again. As We Drove Away, I Always Tried To Imagine What It Would Be Like To Open Your Door To Find Something You Had Given Up On.

Listen,"kristy Said," The Truth Is,nothing Is Guranteed. You Know Better Than Anybody." She Looked At Me Hard,making Sure I Knew What She Meant.i Did."so Don't Be Afraid.be Alive.

I Don't Think Anyone Would Think That An Ellipsis Represents Doubt Or Anything. I Think It's More, You Know, Hinting At The Future. What Lies Ahead.

Then I'd Crawl Back Into Bed, Smelling Her All Around Me, And Tell Myself That Next Time, I Would Lock That Window. But I Never Did.

Apologies Come In All Shapes And Sizes. You Can Give Diamonds, Candy, Flowers, Or Just Your Deepest Heartfelt Sentiment.

Life Isn't Fair," Owen Told Her. "get Used To It.

Pretend To Be A Delinquent?" I Asked Clarifying. "you Can Do It," Dave Advised Me. "just Don't Smile, And Try To Look Like You're Considering Stealing Something.

I Mean, At First, It Was Kind Of Disappointing. But People Recover From Disappointment. Otherwise We'd All Be Hanging From Nooses. Right?

I Know You Guys Have Some Sort Of Weird Thing Going On, With That Game You Play And Everything—" "it's Called A Friendship.

It's Still A Memory Worth Having, Even If It's Not Exactly What You Imagined.

And So We Stood There In The Kitchen, My Mother And I, Facing Off Over Everything That Had Built Up Since June, When I Was Willing To Hand Myself Over Free And Clear. Now I Needed Her To Return It All To Me, With The Faith That I Could Make My Own Way.

I Wondered If Emotions Were Like Menstrual Cycles, If You Get Enough Women Together. Give It Time, And Everyone Was Crying.

Too Many Locks, Not Enough Keys.

I've Given Lots Of People Chances. But There's Only So Much Faith You Can Have In People.

I Drove Off, With My Friends Watching Me Go, All Of Them Grouped On Lissa's Hood. As I Pulled Onto The Road, I Glanced Into The Rearview And Saw Them: They Were Waving, Hands Moving Through The Air, Their Voices Loud, Calling Out After Me. The Square Of That Mirror Was Like A Frame, Holding This Picture Of Them Saying Good-bye, Pushing Me Forward, Before Shifting Gently Out Of Sight, Inch By Fluid Inch, As I Turned Away.

…it’s Not Just Where You Go, But How You Choose To Get There.

It Was Like Those Songs I'd Heard As A Child, Each So Familiar, And All Mine. When I Got Older And Realized The Words Were Sad, The Stories Tragic, It Didn't Make Me Love Them Any Less. By Then They Were Already Part Of Me, Woven Into My Conciousness & Memory

It’s Funny How One Summer Can Change Everything.

Because Anyone That Can Make You Feel That Bad About Yourself Is Toxic.

I Paused, Only Just Now Realizing That The Subject Was Hitting A Little Close To Home. "you Know, Getting Hurt. Putting Herself Out There, Opening Up To Someone." Yeah," He Said Adding Some Cheese Straws To The Cart, "but Risk Is Just Part Of Relationships. Sometimes They Work, Sometimes They Don't." I Picked Up A Box Of Cheese Straws, Examining It. "yeah," I Said. "but It's Not All About Chance, Either.

Like I, Of All People, Didn't Know Better Than To Lead A Total Stranger To The Point Where They Could Hurt Me Most, Knowing How Easily They'd Be Able To Find Their Way Back To It.

Outside, The Ocean Was Crashing, Waves Hitting Sand, Then Pulling Back To Sea. I Thought Of Everything Being Washed Away, Again And Again. We Make Such Messes In This Life, Both Accidentally And On Purpose. But Wiping The Surface Clean Doesn't Really Make Anything Neater. It Just Masks What Is Below. It's Only When You Really Dig Down Deep, Go Underground, That You Can See Who You Really Are.

Some Things Don't Last Forever, But Some Things Do. Like A Good Song, Or A Good Book, Or A Good Memory You Can Take Out And Unfold In Your Darkest Times, Pressing Down On The Corners And Peering In Close, Hoping You Still Recognize The Person You See There.

It Was Just One Of Those Things," I Said, "you Know, That Just Happen. You Don't Think Or Plan. You Just Do It.

Really? Screaming?” He Shrugged. “it Wasn’t That Bad. But There Were Definitely Some Freak-outs On Both Sides. Though, To Be Honest, The Silence Was Worse.” “worse Than Screaming?” I Said. “much,” He Said, Nodding. “i Mean, At Least With An Argument, You Know What’s Happening. Or Have Some Idea. Silence Is… It Could Be Anything. It’s Just –” “so Freaking Loud,” I Finished For Him. He Pointed At Me. “exactly.

And That Was As Far As He Got Before I Heard It. The Thumping Of Footsteps, Running Up The Lawn Toward Me: It Seemed Like I Could Hear It Through The Grass, Like Leaning Your Ear To A Railroad Track And Feeling The Train Coming, Miles Away. As The Noise Got Closer I Could Hear Ragged Breaths, And Then A Voice. It Was My Mother.

Times Like This It Did Seem Real I Was Leaving, And Even More That My Family, And This Life, Would Go On Without Me. And Again I Felt That Emptiness Rise Up, But Pushed It Away. Still, I Lingered There, In The Doorway, Memorizing The Noise. The Moment. Tucking It Away Out Of Sight, To Be Remembered When I Needed It Most.

How Fast Were You?" Wes Asked Me. I Said, "not That Fast." "you Mean You Couldn't... Fly?" He Said, Smiling At Me.

I Think I'm Way Too Much Of A Control Freak To Co-author Anything With Anyone. I Have A Hard Enough Time Writing With Myself! I Admire People That Can Do It, But It's Not For Me.

He Wasn't What I'd Thought He Was; Maybe He Never Had Been. I Wasn't What I'd Thought I Was, Either.

I Knew This Feeling, The 2 A.m. Loneliness That I'd Practically Invented.

My Experience Is That Sequels Are Rarely As Good As The Originals.

Self Respect, Colie. If You Don't Have It, The World Will Walk All Over You.

Funny How A Beautiful Song Could Tell Such A Sad Story

It Took A Lot Of Work To Be Perfect. If You Didn’t Want To Break A Sweat, There Was No Point In Even Bothering.

That Was The Hard Thing About Grief, And The Grieving. They Spoke Another Language, And The Words We Knew Always Fell Short Of What We Wanted Them To Say.

I Just Have To Be Super Strong When It Comes To My Work Time. Shut The Browser, Ignore The Email Alerts, And Just Write.

The Truth About Forever Is That It Is Happening Right Now.

Truth About Forever

Looking Back, It Seemed Like It Should Have Been Harder To Lose Someone, Or Have Them Lose You, Especially When They Were In The Same State, Only A Few Towns Over.

No Relationship Is Perfect, Ever. There Are Always Some Ways You Have To Bend, To Compromise, To Give Something Up In Order To Gain Something Greater.

This Was Just One Night, One Chance To Vary And See Where It Took Me. The Fireflies Were Probably Already Out: Maybe It Wasn’t Just A Season Or A Time But A Whole World I’d Forgotten. I’d Never Know Until I Stepped Out Into It. So I Did.

There's A Kind Of Radar That You Get, After Years Of Being Talked About And Made Fun Of By Other People. You Can Almost Smell It When It's About To Happen, Can Recognize Instantly The Sound Of A Hushed Voice, Lowered Just Enough To Make Whatever Is Said Okay. I Had Only Been In Colby For A Few Weeks. But I Had Not Forgotten.

I Had To Wonder Whether It Was Possible That This Wasn’t Already Decided For Me, And If Maybe, Just Maybe, This Was My One Last Chance To Try And Prove It. There Was No Way To Know. There Never Is. But I Reached Out And Took It Anyway.

So He Didn't Have To Prove How He Felt About Me. Like So Much Else, I Should Just Know.

I Told You, Everyone Understands A Quest.

A Thump Thump Thump Noise That Was So Unfamiliar, And Yet I Couldn't Quite Place It. But I Knew It. It Was - "mmm-hmmm," Monica Murmured, Just As Wes Came View Into The Path. He Was Running, His Pace Quick And Steady. He Was In Shorts, His Shirt Off, Staring Ahead As He Passed. His Back Was Tan And Gleaming With Sweat.

Welcome To Adulthood," She Said. "it Sucks As Much As High School.

I Think I'm Too Lazy A Writer To Do Something Like Historical Fiction. You Have To Do So Much Research. I Just Write What I Know.

Whenever You Made A Choice, Especially One You'd Been Resisting, It Always Affected Everything Else, Some In Big Ways, Like A Tremor Beneath Your Feet, Others In So Tiny A Shift You Hardly Noticed A Change At All. But It Was Happening.

Your Mother Won A Special Reward," She Told Me, "because Everyone Had A Head In Her Pictures. We All Applauded.

Morgan Sighed. "i," She Announced, "am So Pathetic." "you Are Not," I Said. "i Am." She Went Over And Straightened The Cling Wrap, Corner To Corner. "do You Know How Many Times I've Brought In Devilled Eggs? This Is, Like, The Only Time I Haven't Been Sobbing And That's Only 'cause I Cried All Night. And Norman," She Said, Her Voice Rising To A Wail, "sweet Norman, Always Just Acts So Surprised To See The Eggs, And Pleased, And He Never, Once, Has Ever Acted Like He Knew What They Meant."

Sometimes Things Don't Turn Out The Way You Want Them To, Haven. Sometimes The People You Choose To Believe Are Wrong.

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