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For Me, It Feels Like Driving From Truth Into A Lie, From Adulthood To Childhoold. I Watch The Land Of Pavement And Glass And Metal Turn Into An Empty Field. The Snow Is Falling Softly Now, And I Can Faintly See The City's Skyline Up Ahead, The Buildings Just A Shade Darker Than The Clouds.

-Veronica Roth

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For Me, It Feels

Veronica Roth

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For Me, It Feels Like Driving From Truth Into A Lie, From Adulthood To Childhoold. I Watch The Land Of Pavement And Glass And Metal Turn Into An Empty Field. The Snow Is Falling Softly Now, And I Can Faintly See The City's Skyline Up Ahead, The Buildings Just A Shade Darker Than The Clouds.

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I Ignore My Fear,” He Says. “when I Make Decisions, I Pretend It Doesn’t Exist.” I Stare At Him For A Second. I Can’t Help It. To Me There’s A Difference Between Not Being Afraid And Acting In Spite Of Fear, As He Does.

A Lot Can Happen To A Person's Appearance In Three Months.

Four Flips The Gun In This Hand, Presses The Barrel To Peter's Forehead, And Clicks A Bullet Into Place. Peter Freezes With His Lips Parted, The Yawn Dead In His Mouth. "wake. Up," Four Snaps. "you Are Holding A Loaded Gun, You Idiot. Act Like It.

But Christina And I Are Not People Who Cry Together; We're People Who Fight Together. So I Hold My Tears In.

You Know, There's A Word For Big, Strong Men Who Attack Women, And It's Coward.

I Will Be My Undoing If I Become My Obsession.

I Love You," I Say. I Said That Once, Before I Went To Erudite Headquarters, But He Was Asleep Then. I Don't Know Why I Didn't Say It When He Could Hear It. Maybe I Was Afraid To Trust Him With Something So Personal As My Devotion. Or Afraid That I Did Not Know What It Was To Love Someone. But Now I Think The Scary Thing Was Not Saying It Before It Was Too Late. Not Saying It Before It Was Almost Too Late For Me.

It Happened. It Was Awful. You Aren't Perfect. That's All There Is. Don't Confuse Your Grief With Guilt.

You Always Look Like Someone's Sucked The Life Right Out Of You When Something Fascinates You. -tris

Politeness Is Deception In Pretty Packaging.

I Feel His Heartbeat Against My Cheek,as Fast As My Own. "are You Afraid Of Me, Too, Tobias?" "terrified," He Replies With A Smile.

They All Laugh. We All Laugh. And It Occurs To Me That I Might Be Meeting Tobias's True Faction. They Are Not Characterized By A Particular Virtue. They Claim All Colors, All Activities, All Virtues, And All Flaws As Their Own.

This Is How We Came By Our Factions: Candor, Erudite, Amity, Abnegation And Dauntless." Max Smiles. "in Them We Find Administrators And Teachers And Counselors And Leaders And Protectors. In Them We Find Our Sense Of Belonging, Our Sense Of Community, Our Very Lives.

My Skepticism Is Strong, But My Curiosity Is Stronger.

It's Not Often Real That You Encounter The Real Person Behind A Good-natured Mask, The Darkest Part Of Someone. It's Not Comfortable What You Do.

The Fire, The Fire. It Rages Within, A Campfire And Then An Inferno, And My Body Is Its Fuel. I Feel It Racing Through Me, Eating Away At The Weight. There Is Nothing That Can Kill Me Now; I Am Powerful And Invincible And Eternal.

She Has Been To The Compound Before. She Remembered This Hallway. She Knows About The Initiation Process. My Mother Was Dauntless.

But Now, I Am Also Learning This: We Can Be Mended. We Mend Each Other.

I’d Rather Eat Out Of A Can Than Be Strangled By A Faction.

Divergent Series

Caleb And Tris Exchange A Look. The Skin On His Face And On Her Knuckles Is Nearly The Same Colour, Purple-blue-green, As If Drawn With Ink. This Is What Happens When Siblings Collide - They Injure Each Other In The Same Way.

Come On,'he Says.' I Have Something Else To Show You.

Tobias And Tris

Pride Blinds People To The Truth Of What They Are.

From Your Results I Have Determined That You Are One Of The Strongest Divergent, Which I Say Not To Compliment You But To Explain My Purpose. If I Am To Develop A Simulation That Cannot Be Thwarted By The Divergent Mind, I Must Study The Strongest Divergent Mind In Order To Shore Up All Weaknesses In The Technology.

Compliments You

Four Grabs A Bar With Each Hand And Pulls Himself Up, Easy, Like He's Sitting Up In Bed. But He Is Not Comfortable Or Natural Here--- Every Muscle In His Arm Stands Out. It Is A Stupid Thing For Me To Think When I Am One Hundred Feet Off The Ground.

Yeah, Sometimes Life Really Sucks. But You Know What I'm Holding On For? The Moments That Don't Suck. The Trick Is To Notice Them When They Come Around.

She'll Have To Get Over It, Then. Are You Going To Let Her Drop Out Of Dauntless For A Stupid Reason Like Not Being Able To Walk?" Zeke Is Quiet For A Few Seconds. His Eyes Shift Over My Face, And He Squints, As If Weighing And Measuring Me. Then He Turns And Bends And Wraps His Arms Around Me. It's Been So Long Since Someone Hugged Me That I Stiffen. Then I Relax, And Let The Gesture Force Warmth Over My Body.

I Breathe In. The Water Will Wash My Wounds Clean. I Breathe Out. My Mother Submerged Me In Water When I Was A Baby, To Give Me To God. It Has Been A Long Time Since I Thought About God, But I Think About Him Now. It Is Only Natural. I Am Glad, Suddenly, That I Shot Eric In The Foot Instead Of The Head.

You Are Far Less Likely To Soil Your Pants And Cry For Your Mother If You’re Prepared To Defend Yourself.

Though I Know That He Had Something To Do With The Attack Simulation, And With All Those Deaths, I Find It Difficult To Pair Those Actions With The Man I See In Front Of Me. I Wonder If This Is How It Is With All Evil Men, That To Someone, They Look Just Like Good Men, Talk Like Good Men, Are Just As Likeable As Good Men.

To Me, When Someone Wrongs You, You Both Share The Burden Of That Wrongdoing - The Pain Of It Weighs On Both Of You. Forgiveness, Then, Means Choosing To Bear The Full Weight All By Yourself. Caleb's Betrayal Is Something We Both Carry, And Since He Did It, All I've Wanted Is For Him To Take Its Weight Away From Me. I Am Not Sure That I'm Capable Of Shouldering It All Myself - Not Sure That I Am Strong Enough, Or Good Enough.

I Like To Think That Im Helping Them By Hating Them

You're Not A Coward Just Because You Don't Want To Hurt People.

I Don't Want To Stop You. I Want You To Stop Yourself.

Fine," He Says. "then I Love You.

My Father Says That Those Who Want Power And Get It Live In Terror Of Losing It. That's Why We Have To Give Power To Those Who Do Not Want It.

Then Drew Shuffles Into The Dining Hall. I Drop My Toast, And My Mouth Drifts Open. Calling Him “bruised” Would Be An Understatement. His Face Is Swollen And Purple. He Has A Split Lip And A Cut Running Through His Eyebrow. He Keeps His Eyes Down On The Way To His Table, Not Even Lifting Them To Look At Me. I Glance Across The Room At Four. He Wears The Satisfied Smile I Wish I Had On.

About When To Let Others Sacrifice Themselves For You, Even If Its Selfish. They Say That If The Sacrifice Is The Ultimate Way For That Person To Show You That They Love You, Let Them Do It.

Can I Be Forgiven For All I've Done To Get Here? I Want To Be. I Can. I Believe It.

I Have Realized That Part Of Being Dauntless Is Being Willing To Make Things More Difficult For Yourself In Order To Be Self-sufficient. There's Nothing Especially Brave About Wandering Dark Streets With No Flashlight, But We Are Not Supposed To Need Help, Even From Light. We Are Supposed To Be Capable Of Anything. I Like That. Because Their Might Come A Day When There Is No Flashlight, There Is No Gun, There Is No Guiding Hand. And I Want To Be Ready.

Do Remember, Though, That Sometimes The People You Oppress Become Mightier Than You Would Like.

Do You Know Him Well?" I Ask.i Am Too Curious; I Always Have Been. "everyone Knows Four," She Says. "we Were Initiates Together.i Was Bad At Fighting,so He Taught Me Every Night After Everyone Was Asleep." She Scratches The Back Of Her Neck, Her Expression Suddenly Serious. "nice Of Him." She Gets Up And Stands Behind The Members Sitting In The Doorway. In A Second, Her Serious Expression Is Gone,but I Still Feel Rattled By What She Said, Half Confused By The Idea Of Four Being "nice" And Half Wanting To Punch Her For No Apparent Reason.

Can I Ask Why You’re Throwing Knives At Cheese?’ ‘caleb Came By To Discuss Something,’ Tobias Says, Leaning His Head Against The Wall As He Looks At Me. ‘and Knife-throwing Just Came Up Somehow.’ ‘as It So Often Does,’ I Say, A Small Smile Inching Across My Face.

Becoming Fearless Isn't The Point. That's Impossible. It's Learning How To Control Your Fear, And How To Be Free From It.

It's Time To Be With My Brother Now

I Hear Footsteps And Four's Hands Wrap Around My Wrists. I Let Him Pry My Hands From My Eyes. He Encloses One Of My Hands Perfectly Between Two Of His. The Warmth Of His Skin Overwhelms The Ache In My Fingers From Holding The Bars. "you All Right?" He Asks, Pressing Our Hands Together. "yeah." He Starts To Laugh.

The Person You Became With Her Is Worth Being.

Beatrice," She Says. "beatrice, We Have To Run." She Pulls My Arm Across Her Shoulders And Hauls Me To My Feet. She Is Dressed Like My Mother And She Looks Like My Mother, But She Is Holding A Gun, And The Determined Look In Her Eyes Is Unfamiliar To Me.

I Figured I Would Shoot The Bullets Out Of My Nostrils, So I Left [the Gun] Upstairs.

His Fingers Slide Into My Hair, And I Hold On To His Arms To Stay Steady As We Press Together Like Two Blades At A Stalemate. He Is Stronger Than Anyone I Know, And Warmer Than Anyone Else Realizes; He Is A Secret That I Have Kept, And Will Keep For The Rest Of My Life.

That Execution Will Take Place Here." She Runs Her Fingertips Over The Table Beneath Her. "on This Table. I Thought It Would Be Interesting To Show You." "i Knew What Would Happen When I Came Here," I Say. "it's Just A Table. And I'd Like To Go Back To My Room Now.

I Do Know Who You Are. I Just Needed To Be Reminded.

To Find That Place Between What I Want And What I Think Is Wise.

And I Provide Much- Needed Eye Candy.

Sometimes All I Want Is To Be A Few Inches Taller So The World Does Not Look Like A Dense Collection Of Torsos.

All I Can Do Is Stand Still- I Feel Like If I Just Stand Still, I Can Stop It From Being True, I Can Pretend That Everything Is All Right.

The Man Running Toward Me Is Not A Man, He Is A Boy. A Shaggy-haired Boy With A Crease Between His Eyebrows. Will. Dull-eyed And Mindless, But Still Will. He Stops Running And Mirrors Me, His Feet Planted And His Gun Up. In An Instant, I See His Finger Poised Over The Trigger And Hear The Bullet Slide Into The Chamber, And I Fire. My Eyes Squeezed Shut. Can't Breathe. The Bullet Hit Him In The Head. I Know Because That's Where I Aimed It.

I Don’t Know What World You Live In, But In Mine, People Only Do Things For You For One Of Two Reasons. The First Is If They Want Something In Return. And The Second Is If They Feel Like They Owe You Something.

Four Sits Down On The Edge Of The Carousel, Leaning Against A Plastic Horse's Foot. His Eyes Lift To The Sky, Where There Are No Stars, Only A Round Moon Peking Through A Thin Layer Of Clouds. The Muscles In His Arms Are Relaxed; His Hand Rests On The Back Of His Neck. He Looks Almost Comfortable, Holding That Gun To His Shoulder. I Close My Eyes Briefly. Why Does He Distract Me So Easily? I Need To Focus.

Why Do People Want To Pretend That Death Is Sleep? It Isn't. It Isn't.

Can You Be A Girl For A Few Seconds?" "i'm Always A Girl" I Frown. "you Know What I Mean. Like A Silly, Annoying Girl" I Twirl My Hair Around My Finger. "kay.

Nothing Else Is All Right.” His Whisper Tickles My Cheek. “but We Are.

Suicide To Them Is An Act Of Selfishness. Someone Who Is Truly Selfless Does Not Think Of Himself Often Enough To Desire Death.

Because Even A Sliver Of Distance Between Us Is Infuriating.

Killing You Is Not The Worst Thing They Can Do To You," I Say. "controlling You Is.

The Amity Established This Place As A Safe House. No Conflict Allowed." "the Amity Will Have Trouble Enforcing That Policy," Says Marcus. "how Do You Stop Conflict Without Conflict?

I'm A Fairly Religious Person, So I Believe In Some Things That Sound A Little Crazy I'm Sure, Depending On Where You're Standing. I Believe In Leaving Room For Things That You Can't Explain In The Universe, And You Don't Have To Be Religious To Leave Room For Those Things.

Because Life Is Not Fair, Albert. And The World Is Conspiring Against You.

It Is A Gift. You Cannot Earn It, Or It Ceases To Be A Gift.

We Could Visit Him," Suggests Will. "but What Would We Say? 'i Didn't Know You That Well, But I'm Sorry You Got Stabbed In The Eye'?

It Doesn't Take Skill To Stand In A Place Were No Bullets Find You, Or To Fire Into The Dark And Hit A Man You Didn't See.

He Doesn’t Scowl, But His Mouth Is So Tense That I Know He’s Angry With Me. 'don’t Be An Idiot,' He Says. 'an Idiot?' Is He Talking About The Blanket? 'you Were Lying.

You Know What Mom Told Me Once? She Said That Everyone Has Some Evil Inside Them, And The First Step To Loving Anyone Is To Recognize The Same Evil In Ourselves, So We're Able To Forgive Them.

She Smiles.her Teeth Are Crooked. If I Knocked Them Out,i Might Be Doing Her A Favor.

It's Not That I Ever Sat Down And Outlined A Trilogy, But I Always Have A Sense Of What Size An Idea Is When I Start It.

Reading Is Such A Huge Part Of My Life.

We Share A Common Enemy, But Does That Make Us Friends?

Insurgent, He Says. Noun. A Person Who Acts In Opposition To The Established Authority, Who Is Not Necessarily Regarded As A Belligerent.

This Is What I Wanted Most To Avoid: For My Rises And Falls To Become Tobias's Rises And Falls. That's Why I Can't Let Him Step In To Defend Me Now.

I Want People To Come Away From My Book With Questions. Questions About Virtue And Goodness. Not Answers.

Scrubbing The Floor When No One Else Wanted To Was Something That My Mother Would Have Done. If I Can't Be With Her, The Least I Can Do Is Act Like Her Sometimes.

We Are Not The Same. But We Are, Somehow, One.

People, Even Genetically Damaged People, Make Choices. That’s What Matters.’

I Have Discovered That Sitting Still Leaves Little Spaces For The Grief To Get In, So I Stay Busy.

I Feel The Monster Of Grief Again, Writhing In The Empty Space Where My Heart And Stomach Used To Be. I Gasp, Pressing Both Palms To My Chest. Now The Monstrous Thing Has Its Claws Around My Throat, Squeezing My Airway. I Twist And Put My Head Between My Knees, Breathing Until The Strangled Feeling Leaves Me.

I Feel A Thread Tugging Me Again, But This Time I Know That It Isn’t Some Sinister Force Dragging Me Toward Death. This Time I Know It’s My Mother's Hand, Drawing Me Into Her Arms. And I Go Gladly Into Her Embrace.

And Then The Screaming Begins.

Change, Like Healing, Takes Time.

Who Cares About Everyone? What About Me?

Somewhere Inside Me Is A Merciful, Forgiving Person. Somewhere There Is A Girl Who Tries To Understand What People Are Going Through, Who Accepts That People Do Evil Things And That Desperation Leads Them To Darker Places Than They Ever Imagined, I Swear She Exists, And She Hurts For The Repentant Boy I See In Front Of Me. But If I Saw Her, I Wouldn't Recognize Her.

I Am Fed Up. I Am Fed Up With Tears And Weakness. But There Isn't Much I Can Do To Stop Them.

It Seems Like The Rebellions Never Stop, In The City, In The Compound, Anywhere. There Are Just Breaths Between Them, And Foolishly, We Call Those Breaths “peace".

It Is More Important For You To Be Safe Than Right, For The Time Being. Understand? (...) But Please, When You See An Opportunity...ruin Them

You Don’t Always Have To Smack People In The Face With How Strong You Are

Those Who Blamed Aggression Formed Amity.’… ‘those Who Blamed Ignorance Became The Erudite.’… ‘those Who Blamed Duplicity Created Candor.’… ‘those Who Blamed Selfishness Made Abnegation.’… ‘and Those Who Blamed Cowardice Were The Dauntless.

You Know I'm Getting A Little Tired Of Waiting For You To Catch On.

Tris," Said Tobias. "i Love You

There's A Reason Why She Left Them, Lauren," He Says. His Voice Is Deep, And It Rumbles. "what's Your Name?" "um..." I Don't Know Why I Hesitate. But "beatrice" Just Doesn't Sound Right Anymore. "think About It," He Says, A Faint Smile Curling His Lips. " You Don't Get To Pick Again." A New Place, A New Name. I Can Be Remade Here. "tris," I Say Firmly.

We Believe That Preparation Eradicates Cowardice, Which We Define As The Failure To Act In The Midst Of Fear.

Don't Confuse Your Grief With Guilt.

I Knew By The Way He Looked At Her That He Held Her In A Higher Regard Than He Held Even Himself. No Selfishness Or Insecurity Kept Him From Seeing The Full Extent Of Her Goodeness, As It So Often Does With The Rest Of Us. That Kind Of Love May Only Be Possible In Abnegation. I Do Not Know. My Father: Erudite-born, Abnegation-grown. He Often Found It Difficult To Live Up To The Demands Of His Chosen Faction, Just As I Did. But He Tried, And He Knew True Selflessness When He Saw It.

I Would Rather Be Dead Than Empty

I Know Some Things--i Know That I'm Not Alone, That I Have Friends, That I'm In Love. I Know That I Don't Want To Die, And For Me That's Something--more Than I Could Have Said A Few Weeks Ago.

I Cross My Arms. "it Was A Two Minute Conversation." "i Don't Think A Smaller Time Frame Makes It Less Unwise." He Furrows His Eyebrows And Touches The Corner Of My Bruised Eye With His Fingertips. My Head Jerks Back, But He Doesn't Take His Hand Away. Instead He Sighs. "you Know, If You Could Just Learn To Attack First, You Might Do Better." "attack First?" I Say. "how Will That Help?" "you're Fast. If You Can Get A Few Good Hits In Before They Know What's Going On, You Could Win." He Shrugs, And His Hand Falls.

I Decide To Do What I Always Do When I'm Not Sure What's Going On: I Act Like Everyone Else.

We Both Have War Inside Us. Sometimes It Keeps Us Alive. Sometimes It Threatens To Destroy Us.

I Guess I Always Knew There Was Something Wrong With Me, But I Thought It Was Because Of My Father, Or My Mother, And The Pain They Bequeathed To Me Like A Family Heirloom, Handed Down From Generation To Generation. - Tobias Eaton

I Feel Like Myself, Strong And Weak At Once - Allowed, At Least For A Little While, To Be Both.

Sarcasm Is Always At Someone's Expense.

Chaos And Destruction Do Tend To Take Away A Person's Dating Possibilities.

I Have A Message For The Divergent" I Am Divergent. "this Is Not A Negotiation" No, It Is Not. "it Is A Warning" I Understand. "every Two Days Until One Of You Delivers Yourself To Erudite Headquarters . . ." I Will. " . . . This Will Happen Again" It Will Never Happen Again.

Maybe It's A Little Depressing To Think That My Vision Of A Perfect World Is Actually So Messed Up, But I Think It Means That I Don't Really Understand What 'perfect' Is.

I Have A Theory That Selflessness And Bravery Aren't All That Different. All Your Life You've Been Training To Forget Yourself, So When You're In Danger, It Becomes Your First Instinct

He Slides His Hand Over My Cheek, One Finger Anchored Behind My Ear. Then He Tilts His Head Down And Kisses Me, Sending A Warm Ache Through My Body. I Wrap My Hands Around His Arm, Holding Him There As Long As I Can. When He Touches Me, The Hollowed-out Feeling In My Chest And Stomach Is Not As Noticeable.

For Me, It Feels Like Driving From Truth Into A Lie, From Adulthood To Childhoold. I Watch The Land Of Pavement And Glass And Metal Turn Into An Empty Field. The Snow Is Falling Softly Now, And I Can Faintly See The City's Skyline Up Ahead, The Buildings Just A Shade Darker Than The Clouds.

I Want To Be Brave, And Selfless, And Smart, And Kind, And Honest.

His Absence Will Haunt Their Hallways, And He Will Be A Space They Can't Fill. And Then Time Will Pass, And The Hole Will Be Gone, Like When An Organ Is Removed And The Body's Fluids Flow Into The Space It Leaves. Humans Can't Tolerate Emptiness For Long.

No Selfishness Or Insecurity Kept Him From Seeing The Full Extent Of Her Goodness, As It So Often Does With The Rest Of Us. That Kind Of Love May Only Be Possible In Abnegation. I Do Not Know.

It's When You're Acting Selflessly That You Are At Your Bravest." --four In Divergent

Human Beings As A Whole Cannot Be Good For Long Before The Bad Creeps Back In And Poisons Us Again.

She Sighs, Then Breaks A Piece Off The Muffin In My Hand. 'hey. There Are Plenty More Just Five Feet To Your Right.' 'then You Shouldn't Be So Concerned About Losing Some Of Yours.' She Says, Grinning. 'fair Enough.

I Want To Cry Because Something Terrible Happened, And I Saw It, And I Could Not See A Way To Mend It.

She Wanted Us To Have More Than Five Choices. Now We Have None.

I Laugh, And It's Laughter, Not Light, That Casts Out The Darkness Building Within Me, That Reminds Me I Am Still Alive, Even In This Strange Place Where Everything I've Ever Known Is Coming Apart.

She Taught Me All About Real Sacrifice. That It Should Be Done From Love... That It Should Be Done From Necessity, Not Without Exhausting All Other Options. That It Should Be Done For People Who Need Your Strength Because They Don't Have Enough Of Their Own.

What Is It With You Today?” Says Christina On The Way To Breakfast. Her Eyes Are Still Swollen From Sleep And Her Tangled Hair Forms A Fuzzy Halo Around Her Face. “oh, You Know,” I Say. “sun Shining. Birds Chirping.” She Raises An Eyebrow At Me, As If Reminding Me That We Are In An Underground Tunnel.

Maybe Dauntless Was Formed With Good Intentions, With The Right Ideals And The Right Goals. But It Has Strayed Far From Them. And The Same Is True Of Erudite, I Realize. A Long Time Ago, Erudite Pursued Knowledge And Ingenuity For The Sake Of Doing Good. Now They Pursue Knowledge And Ingenuity With Greedy Hearts. I Wonder If The Other Factions Suffer From The Same Problem. I Have Not Thought About It Before.

It Was Him Or Me. I Chose Me. But I Feel Dead Too.

We've All Started To Put Down The Virtues Of The Other Factions In The Process Of Bolstering Our Own. I Don't Want To Do That. I Want To Be Brave, And Selfless, And Smart, And Kind, And Honest." He Clears His Throat. "i Continually Struggle With Kindness.

Guilt [is] A Tool, Rather Than A Weapon Against The Self.

Honesty Leads To Peace.

There Is A Reason You Don’t Know All The Things I Know. -marcus Eaton

I Feel Like Someone Is Pressing Me Into A Mold That Does Not Fit My Body, Forcing Me Intothe Wrong Shape.

I Take A Deep Breath. I'm Not Sure Where That Swell Of Desperation Came From, But Know That I've Acknowledge It, It's Impossible To Ignore, Like A Living Thing Has Awakened From A Long Sleep Inside Me. It Writhes In My Stomach And Throat. I Need To Leave. I Need The Truth.

He Stares At Me, And I Don't Look Away. He Isn't A Dog, But The Same Rules Apply. Looking Away Is Submissive. Looking Him In The Eye Is A Challenge. It's My Choice.

Tris," He Says. "what Did They Do To You? You're Acting Like A Lunatic." "that's Not Very Nice Of You To Say," I Say. "they Put Me In A Good Mood, That's All. And Now I Really Want To Kiss You, So If You Could Just Relax-

But That Wasn´t The First Time I Ever Saw Her. I Saw Her In The Hallways At School, And At My Mother’s False Funeral, And Walking The Sidewalks In The Abnegation Sector. I Saw Her, But I Didn’t See Her; No One Saw Her The Way She Truly Was Until She Jumped. I Suppose A Fire That Burns That Bright Is Not Meant To Last.

I Can’t Answer Either Question. But The Look She Gives Me Reminds Me Of The Look In The Attack Dog’s Eyes In The Aptitude Test – A Vicious, Predatory Stare. She Wants To Rip Me To Pieces. I Can’t Lie Down In Submission Now. I Have Become An Attack Dog Too.

My Heart Beats So Hard It Hurts, And I Can't Scream And I Can't Breathe, But I Also Feel Everything, Every Vein And Every Fiber, Every Bone And Every Nerve, All Awake And Buzzing In My Body As If Charged With Electricity. I Am Pure Adrenaline.

I Feel Acutely Aware Of How Young I Am. In A Way That Is Good. It's Productive. It Makes Me Realise That I Should Be Growing As A Writer And A Person.

When You're A Teenager, Everything Seems Like The End Of The World, And I Don't Think That's Necessarily A Silly Thing. You're Waking Up And Becoming Aware That The World Has Problems And Those Problems Affect You, Whereas When You're Young They Don't Seem To Affect You That Much Even If You're Aware Of Them. This Dystopian Trend Picks Up On That Little Part Of Your Life Where Everything Feels Really Extreme And It Honors That Part Of Your Life And Says, "yeah. It Is The End Of The World. Look At It."

I Feel The Urge, Familiar Now, To Wrench Myself From My Body And Speak Directly Into Her Mind. It Is The Same Urge, I Realize, That Makes Me Want To Kiss Her Every Time I See Her, Because Even A Sliver Of Distance Between Us Is Infuriating. Our Fingers, Loosely Woven A Moment Ago, Now Clutch Together, Her Palm Tacky With Moisture, Mine Rough In Places Where I Have Grabbed Too Many Handles On Too Many Moving Trains. Now She Looks Pale And Small, But Her Eyes Make Me Think Of Wide-open Skies That I Have Never Actually Seen, Only Dreamed Of.

Then His Eyes Focus On Something Over My Shoulder, And He Starts Walking. I Turn To See Uriah Jogging From The Elevator Bank. He Is Grinning. “heard A Rumor You Were A Dirty Traitor,” Uriah Says. “yeah, Whatever,” Says Zeke. They Collide In An Embrace That Looks Almost Painful To Me, Slapping Each Other’s Backs And Laughing With Their Fists Clasped Between Them.

I Choose Him Over And Over Again, And He Chooses Me.

There Are No Safe Rooms, No Safe Truths, No Safe Secrets To Tell.

The Cruelty Of Fate Is That I Must Travel With The People I Hate When The People I Love Are Dead Behind Me.

I Confessed To Tobias, Soon After That, That I Had Lost My Entire Family. And He Assured Me That He Was My Family Now. -tris Prior

How Have I Never Realized Before That For All The Strong, Kind Parts Of Him, There Are Also Hurting, Broken Parts?

That Night We Push Our Cots Just A Little Closer Together, And Look Into Each Other's Eyes In The Moments Before We Fall Asleep. When He Finally Drifts Off, Our Fingers Are Twisted Together In The Space Between The Beds. I Smile A Little, And Let Myself Go.

She Must Love Me, To Worry About Me. She Must Still Be Capable Of Love.

I Do Like To Hit People-i Like The Explosion Of Power And Energy, And The Feeling That I Am Untouchable Because I Can Hurt People. But I Hate That Part Of Myself, Because It Is The Part Of Me That Is The Most Broken

I Never Thought I Would Need Bravery In The Small Moments Of My Life. I Do.

We're All Right, You Know,' He Says Quietly. 'you And Me. Okay?' My Chest Aches, And I Nod. 'nothing Else Is All Right.' His Whisper Tickles My Cheek. 'but We Are.

He's One Of The Last Friends I Have," She Says, Her Voice Breaking. "i Don't Know If I'll Ever Be Able To Look At You The Same Way Again.

Yes," I Say. "three Of These Flying Birds." I Touch My Collarbone, Marking The Path Of Their Flight - Toward My Heart. One For Each Member Of The Family I Left Behind.

It's Then That I Realize: Of Course Tris Would Go Into The Weapons Lab Instead Of Caleb. Of Course She Would.

Yesterday He Told Me He Thought I Would Have To Pretend To Be Weak, But He Was Wrong. I Am Weak Already. I Brace Myself Against The Wall And Press My Forehead To My Hands. It’s Difficult To Take Deep Breaths, So I Take Short, Shallow Ones. I Can’t Let This Happen. They Attacked Me To Make Me Feel Weak. I Can Pretend They Succeeded To Protect Myself, But I Can’t Let It Become True.

It's Strange How A Word, A Phrase, A Sentence, Can Feel Like A Blow To The Head.

Let's Just Hug Already," He Says. Keeping One Hand Firm On Caleb's Arm, I Wrapped My Free Arm Around Zeke, And He Does The Same. When We Break Apart, I Pull Caleb Down The Alley, And Can't Resist Calling Back, "i'll Miss You." "you Too, Sweetie!" He Grins, And His Teeth Are White In The Twilight. They Are The Last Thing I See Of Him Before I Have To Turn And Set Out At A Trot For The Train.

I Wasn't Good Enough For Abnegation," I Say, "and I Wanted To Be Free. So I Chose Dauntless." "why Weren't You Good Enough?" "because I Was Selfish." I Say. "you Were Selfish? You Aren't Anymore?" "of Course I Am. My Mother Said That Everyone Is Selfish," I Say, "but I Became Less Selfish In Dauntless. I Discovered There Were People I Would Fight For. Die For, Even.

It Doesn't Prove Anything Except That You're Bullying Us. Which, As I Recall, Is A Sign Of Cowardice.

Decades Ago, Our Ancestors Realized That It Is Not Just Political Ideology, Religious Belief, Race, Or Nationalism That Is To Blame For A Warring World. Rather, They Determined That It Was The Fault Of Human Personality - Of Humankind's Inclination Towards Evil, In Whatever Form That Is. They Divided Into Factions That Sought To Eradicate Those Qualities They Believed Responsible For The World's Disarray.

The Serum Wears Off Five Hours Later, When The Sun Is Just Beginning To Set. Tobias Shut Me In My Room For The Rest Of The Day, Checking On Me Every Hour. This Time When He Comes In, I Am Sitting On The Bed, Glaring At The Wall. “thank God,” He Says, Pressing His Forehead To The Door. “i Was Beginning To Think It Would Never Wear Off And I Would Have To Leave You Here To … Smell Flowers, Or Whatever You Wanted To Do While You Were On That Stuff.

I Met Him While I Was Imprisoned," I Say, And My Voice Sounds Far Away Even To Me. "i Was Just Curious." "i Wouldn't Judge Him Too Harshly," Says Fernando. "jeanine Can Be Extraordinarily Persuasive To Those Who Aren't Naturally Suspicious. I Have Always Been Naturally Suspicious." ... "yeah," I Say. "so Have I.

His Fingers Leave Streaks Of Cold On My Skin, Invisible To The Eye, And I Think About Wrapping His Shirt Around My Fist And Pulling Him In To Kiss Me; I Think About Pressing Myself Against Him, But I Can't, Because All Our Secrets Would Keep A Space Between Us.

I Laugh, Mirthless, A Mad Laugh. I Savor The Scowl On Her Face, The Hate In Her Eyes. She Was Like A Machine; She Was Cold And Emotionless, Bound By Logic Alone. And I Broke Her.

Sometimes Pain Is For The Greater Good.

I Wonder How I Seem To Them. They Must See Someone I Don't See. Someone Capable And Strong. Someone I Can't Be; Someone I Can Be.

Peter Would Probably Throw A Party If I Stopped Breathing.' 'well,' He Says, 'i Would Only Go If There Was Cake.

Looking At Her Is Like Waking Up.

I Have Never Been Carried Around By A Large Boy, Or Laughed Until My Stomach Hurt At The Dinner Table, Or Listened To The Clamor Of A Hundred People All Talking At Once. Peace Is Restrained; This Is Free.

If Eric Thinks I Did Something Right, I Must Have Done It Wrong.

It Is Amazing How Pretending To Be In A Different Faction Changes Everything -- Even The Way I Walk. That Must Be Why It's So Strange That I Could Easily Belong In Three Of Them.

At First Eric Stares At Four In Silence. Four Stares Back.

Or You Can Stay Frigid," Says Will, His Green Eyes Glinting With Mischief. "you Know. If You Want." Christina Throws A Roll At Him. He Catches It And Bites It. "don't Be Mean To Her," She Says. "frigidity Is In Her Nature. Sort Of Like Being A Know-it-all Is In Yours." "i Am Not Frigid!" I Exclaim. "don't Worry About It," Says Will. It's Endearing. Look You're All Red.

In The Days That Follow, It's Movement, Not Stillness, That Helps To Keep The Grief At Bay.

Four: Be Brave Tris. The First Time Is Always The Hardest.

The Truth Is... You Are Hurting Me. Not On Purpose, I Know That. But I Love You And Every Second That You Don´t Love Me Back...it Hurts.

Fear Doesn't Shut You Down; It Wakes You Up. I've Seen It. It's Fascinating." He Releases Me But Doesn't Pull Away, His Hand Grazing My Jaw, My Neck. "sometimes I Just...want To See It Again. Want To See You Awake.

I Don't Want To Try To Live Up To Someone Who's Created Something So Incredible. I'm Just Trying To Focus On What I'm Doing And What I Do Best. It's Sometimes Hard To Focus In And Only Think About My Books Rather Than How They Measure Up To Someone Else's.

An Artist Gives. Gives Visually, Gives Through Courses, Or With Free Advice, Through Generosity Of Spirit And Through A Need To Share.

She Tries To Turn Too Soon, And The Ladder Smacks Into Fernando's Shoulder. "oh! Sorry, Nando." The Jolt Knocks His Glasses Askew. He Smiles At Christina And Takes The Glasses Off, Shoving Them Into His Pocket. "nando?" I Say To Him. "i Thought The Erudite Didn't Like Nicknames?" "when A Pretty Girl Calls You By A Nickname," He Says, "it Is Only Logical To Respond To It.

Stiff. That’s Why You’re Strong, Get It? - Tobias Eaton

I Know That I'll Be Writing For Young Adults For A Long Time. Mostly Because I Just Love The Readers And The Teachers And Librarians That I Interact With.

All That Land Is Filled With People, Every One Of Them Different, And The Things They Do To Each Other Matter.

Some People Will Always Fear Change. But We Can't Indulge Them.

He Touches My Face, Covering My Cheeks With His Hands, Sliding His Fingertips Down My Neck, Fitting His Fingers To The Slight Curve Of My Hips. I Can't Stop.

My Problem Might Be That Even If I Did Go Home, I Wouldn’t Belong There, Among People Who Give Without Thinking And Care Without Trying.

People, I Have Discovered, Are Layers And Layers Of Secrets. You Believe You Know Them, That You Understand Them, But Their Motives Are Always Hidden From You, Buried In Their Own Hearts. You Will Never Know Them, But Sometimes You Decide To Trust Them.

There Are So Many Ways To Be Brave In This World. Sometimes It Involves Giving Up Everything You Have Ever Known, Or Everyone You Have Ever Loved For The Sake Of Something Greater.

That's The First Time I've Ever Said Those Words Out Loud, And Now I Hear How Strange They Are. How Many Young Men Fear That There Is A Monster Instead Them? People Are Supposed To Fear Others, Not Themselves.

She Is Well Practiced In The Art Of Losing Herself.

Since I Was Young, I Have Always Known This: Life Damages Us, Every One. We Can’t Escape That Damage. But Now, I Am Also Learning This: We Can Be Mended. We Mend Each Other.

My Dear Girl. I Am His Family. I Am Permanent. You Are Only Temporary.

He Leans His Face Close To Mine And Wraps His Fingers Around My Chin. His Hand Smells Like Metal. When Was The Last Time He Held A Gun, Or A Knife?

Why Is Your Heart Racing Tris?

Resisting Is Worth Doing.

It Isn't The Height That Scares Me - The Height Makes Me Feel Alive With Energy, Every Organ And Vessel And Muscle In My Body Singing At The Same Pitch. Then I Realize What It Is. It's Him. Something About Him Makes Me Feel Like I Am About To Fall. Or Turn To Liquid. Or Burst Into Flames.

I Know That Change Is Difficult, And Comes Slowly, And That It Is The Work Of Many Days Strung Together In A Long Line Until The Origin Of Them Is Forgotten.

I Close My Eyes. I Don't Expect Four To Reassure Me, And He Makes No Effort To, But I Feel Better Standing Here Than I Did Out There Among The People Who Are My Friends, My Faction.

"what Did You Do?” This Time The Question Tears From My Throat Like A Growl. I Throw Myself Toward Him. “what Did You Do?” I Scream. “you Die, I Die Too. I Asked You Not To Do This. You Made Your Decision. These Are The Repercussions."

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Russell M. Nelson

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