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The Serum Wears Off Five Hours Later, When The Sun Is Just Beginning To Set. Tobias Shut Me In My Room For The Rest Of The Day, Checking On Me Every Hour. This Time When He Comes In, I Am Sitting On The Bed, Glaring At The Wall. “thank God,” He Says, Pressing His Forehead To The Door. “i Was Beginning To Think It Would Never Wear Off And I Would Have To Leave You Here To … Smell Flowers, Or Whatever You Wanted To Do While You Were On That Stuff.

-Veronica Roth

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The Serum Wears Off

Veronica Roth

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The Serum Wears Off Five Hours Later, When The Sun Is Just Beginning To Set. Tobias Shut Me In My Room For The Rest Of The Day, Checking On Me Every Hour. This Time When He Comes In, I Am Sitting On The Bed, Glaring At The Wall. “thank God,” He Says, Pressing His Forehead To The Door. “i Was Beginning To Think It Would Never Wear Off And I Would Have To Leave You Here To … Smell Flowers, Or Whatever You Wanted To Do While You Were On That Stuff.

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Our Eyes Meet. I Hear A Train Horn, So Faint It Could Be Wind Whistling Through An Alleyway. But I Know It When I Hear It. It Sounds Like The Dauntless, Calling Me To To Them.

I Was Born For Abegnation. I Was Planning On Leaving Dauntless, And Becoming Factionless. But Then I Met 'her', And...i Felt Like Maybe I Could Make Something More Of My Decision.

She Smiles.her Teeth Are Crooked. If I Knocked Them Out,i Might Be Doing Her A Favor.

Yesterday He Told Me He Thought I Would Have To Pretend To Be Weak, But He Was Wrong. I Am Weak Already. I Brace Myself Against The Wall And Press My Forehead To My Hands. It’s Difficult To Take Deep Breaths, So I Take Short, Shallow Ones. I Can’t Let This Happen. They Attacked Me To Make Me Feel Weak. I Can Pretend They Succeeded To Protect Myself, But I Can’t Let It Become True.

'divergent' Was My Utopian World. I Mean, That Wasn't The Plan. I Never Even Set Out To Write Dystopian Fiction, That's Just What I Had When I Was Finished. At The Beginning, I Was Just Writing About A Place I Found Interesting And A Character With A Compelling Story, And As I Began To Build The World, I Realized That It Was My Utopia.

In My Own Relationships, I Know That I Should Break Up With Someone Who Doesn't Encourage Me To Be Strong And Make My Own Choices And Do What's Best In My Life, So If You're Dating Someone Who Doesn't Want You To Be The Best Person You Can Be, You Shouldn't Be Dating Them.

Cute Relationship

I See Love Developing From Friendship. Common Ground Is A Strong Basis For Friendship. My Husband Is My Best Friend And We Have A Lot In Common Even Though We're Admittedly Different People. I Think It Evolves From How I See Relationships Working. You Know, The Opposites Attract Thing Happens All The Time, But So Does The Best Friends Thing. It's Just A Great Kind Of Relationship In Fiction.

You Chose Us. Now We Have To Choose You.

I Think About Pressing Myself Against Him, But I Can't, Because All Our Secrets Would Keep A Space Between Us.

Is This Prior?" "in The Flesh." "why's He Bleeding?" "because He's An Idiot." Zeke Offers Me A Black Jacket With A Factionless Symbol Stitched Into The Collar. "i Didn't Know That Idiocy Caused People To Just Start Spontaneously Bleeding From The Nose." I Wrap The Jacket Around Caleb's Shoulders And Fasten One Of The Buttons Over His Chest. He Avoids My Eyes. "i Think It's A New Phenomenon.", I Say.

Everything Inside Me Screams For Just One More Kiss, One More Word, One More Glance, One More.

I Came Here So That No One Else Would Die. I Came Here To Protect As Many People As I Could. And I Care More About Tobias's Safety Than Anyone Else's. So Why Am I Here, If He's Here? What's The Point?

You Know I'm Getting A Little Tired Of Waiting For You To Catch On.

We've All Started To Put Down The Virtues Of The Other Factions In The Process Of Bolstering Our Own. I Don't Want To Do That. I Want To Be Brave, And Selfless, And Smart, And Kind, And Honest." He Clears His Throat. "i Continually Struggle With Kindness.

It Would Be Nice If Life Worked This Way, Stripping The Dirt From Our Lives And Sending Us Back Out Into The World Clean. But Some Dirt Is Destined To Lingered.

I Decide To Do What I Always Do When I'm Not Sure What's Going On: I Act Like Everyone Else.

Four!" I Call Out. Why Am I Calling A Number? Oh Yes. Because That's His Name. — Tris.

Out Of My Peripheral Vision, I See Four Shove The Door Open And Walk Out. Apparently This Fight Isn't Interesting Enough For Him. Or Maybe He's Going To Figure Out Why Everything's Spinning Like A Top, And I Don't Blame Him; I Want To Know The Answer Too.

Why Would The Factionless Have A High Divergent Population?" It Sounds Like She's Smirking. "obviously Those Who Can't Confine Themselves To A Particular Way Of Thinking Would Be Most Likely To Leave A Faction Or Fail Its Initiation, Right?

I Know That Change Is Difficult, And Comes Slowly, And That It Is The Work Of Many Days Strung Together In A Long Line Until The Origin Of Them Is Forgotten.

You're More Than Dauntless," He Says In A Low Voice. "but If You Want To Be Just Like Them, Hurling Yourself Into Ridiculous Situations For No Reason And Retaliating Against Your Enemies Without Any Regard For What's Ethical, Go Right Ahead. I Thought You Were Better Than That, But Maybe I Was Wrong.

Faction Before Blood.

For A Few Minutes We Kiss, Deep In The Chasm, With The Roar Of Water All Around Us. And We Rise, Hand In Hand, I Realize That If We Had Both Chosen Differently, We Might Have Ended Up Doing The Same Thing, In A Safer Place, In Gray Clothes Instead Of Black Ones.

My First Instinct Is To Push You Until You Break Just To See How Hard I Have To Press.

Sometimes You Just Need To Talk To Someone Who Is Detached From You. They Just Listen To What You Tell Them And You Get To Form The Way That They See You, Whereas Everyone Else In Your Life Already Thinks They Know What You're Dealing With Or What You're Going Through. That's My Recommendation For Actual Anxiety.

I Used To Think That Cruelty Required Malice, But That Is Not True. Jeanine Has No Reason To Act Out Of Malice. But She Is Cruel Because She Doesn't Care What She Does, As Long As It Fascinates Her. I May As Well Be A Puzzle Or A Broken Machine She Wants To Fix. She Will Break Open My Skull Just To See The Inner Workings Of My Brain; I Will Die Here, And That Will Be The Merciful Thing.

I Belong To The People I Love, And They Belong To Me--they, And The Love And Loyaty I Give Them, Form My Identity Far More Than Any Word Or Group Ever Could.

I’d Ask You To Hang Out With Us, But You’re Not Supposed To See Me This Way.’… ‘what Way?’ I Ask. ‘drunk?’ ‘yeah…well, No.’ His Voice Softens. ‘real, I Guess.’ ‘i’ll Pretend I Didn’t.’ ‘nice Of You.’ He Puts His Lips Next To My Ear And Says, ‘you Look Good, Tris.’… I Laugh. ‘do Me A Favor And Stay Away From The Chasm, Okay?’ ‘of Course.’ He Winks At Me.

I Try To Catch My Breath And Calm Myself Down, But It Isn't Easy. I Was Dead. I Was Dead, And Then I Wasn't, And Why? Because Of Peter? Peter? I Stare At Him. He Still Looks So Innocent, Despite All That He Has Done To Prove That He Is Not. His Hair Lies Smooth Against His Head, Shiny And Dark, Like We Didn't Just Run For A Mile At Full Speed. His Round Eyes Scan The Stairwell And Then Rest On My Face. "what?" He Says. "why Are You Looking At Me Like That?" " How Did You Do It?" I Say.

You Think My First Instinct Is To Protect You. Because You're Small, Or A Girl, Or A Stiff. But You're Wrong." He Leans His Face Close To Mine And Wraps His Fingers Around My Chin. His Hand Smells Like Metal. When Was The Last Time He Held A Gun, Or A Knife? My Skin Tingles At The Point Of Contact, Like He's Transmitting Electricity Through His Skin. "my First Instinct Is To Push You Until You Break, Just To See How Hard I Have To Press." He Says, His Fingers Squeezing At The Word Break. My Body Tenses At The Edge In His Voice, So I Am Coiled As Tight As A Spring, And I Forget To Breathe.

I Pause A Second. He Doesn't Look At Me The Way Will, Christina, And Al Sometimes Do - Like I Am Too Small And Too Weak To Be Of Any Use, And They Pity Me For It.

I Wonder If This Is How Is Is With All Evil Men, That To Someone, They Look Just Like Good Men, Talk Like Good Men, Are Just As Likable As Good Men.

Sometimes, All It Takes To Save People From A Terrible Fate Is One Person Willing To Do Something About It. Even If That "something" Is A Fake Bathroom Break.

Fear Doesn't Shut You Down; It Wakes You Up

People Talk About The Pain Of Grief, But I Don't Know What They Mean. To Me, Grief Is A Devastating Numbness, Every Sensation Dulled.

It Is A Gift. You Cannot Earn It, Or It Ceases To Be A Gift.

Don't Confuse Your Grief With Guilt.

I Don't Have A Bullet In My Head, Do I? So I'm Fine.

Well, Half Of Half Our Faction.' 'in Some Circles They Call That A Quarter, Mar,' Lynn Says.

For Someone So Small, You're Heavy, Stiff," He Mutters.

What Irritates Me Most About Him Is His Natural Goodness, His Inborn Selflessness.

I Shield My Eyes From The Sun To See Her Cold Look—the Expression I Saw In My Mind Even Before I Looked At Her. She Looks Older To Me Than She Ever Has, Stern And Tough And Worn By Time. I Feel That Way, Too. “these People Have No Regard For Human Life,” She Says. “they’re About To Wipe The Memories Of All Our Friends And Neighbors. They’re Responsible For The Deaths Of A Large Majority Of Our Old Faction.” She Sidesteps Me And Marches Toward The Door. “i Think They’re Lucky I’m Not Going To Kill Them.

It's Wrong," He Says. "it Doesn't Matter If Your Parents Are In A Better Place, They Aren't Here With You, And That's Wrong, Tris. It Shouldn't Have Happened. It Shouldn't Have Happened To You. And Anyone Who Tells You It's Okay Is A Liar.

Do You Know Him Well?" I Ask.i Am Too Curious; I Always Have Been. "everyone Knows Four," She Says. "we Were Initiates Together.i Was Bad At Fighting,so He Taught Me Every Night After Everyone Was Asleep." She Scratches The Back Of Her Neck, Her Expression Suddenly Serious. "nice Of Him." She Gets Up And Stands Behind The Members Sitting In The Doorway. In A Second, Her Serious Expression Is Gone,but I Still Feel Rattled By What She Said, Half Confused By The Idea Of Four Being "nice" And Half Wanting To Punch Her For No Apparent Reason.

Before I Chose Dauntless...i Felt Assured Of My Long Lifespan, If Nothing Else. Now There Are No Reassurances Except That Where I Go, I Go Because I Choose To.

Do Remember, Though, That Sometimes The People You Oppress Become Mightier Than You Would Like.

But Now I’m Wondering If I Need It Anymore, If We Ever Really Need These Words, “dauntless,” “erudite,” “divergent,” “allegiant,” Or If We Can Just Be Friends Or Lovers Or Siblings, Defined Instead By The Choices We Make And The Love And Loyalty That Binds Us.

Sometimes I Forget That I Can Hurt You. That You Are Capable Of Being Hurt

I See A Kind Of Thirst In Her Expression, The Same One I Saw When She Told Me About Her Brother In The Back Room Of The Tattoo Parlor. Before The Attack Simulation I Might Have Called It A Thirst For Justice, Or Even Revenge, But Now I Am Able To Identify It As A Thirst For Blood. And Even As It Frightens Me, I Understand It. Which Should Probably Frighten Me Even More.

We Kiss Again And This Time, It Feels Familiar. I Know Exactly How We Fit Together, His Arm Around My Waist, My Hands On His Chest, The Pressure Of His Lips On Mine. We Have Each Other Memorized.

I Am Collecting The Lessons Each Faction Has To Teach Me, And Storing Them In My Mind Like A Guidebook For Moving Through The World. There Is Always Somthing To Learn, Always Somthing That Is Important To Understand

People, I Have Discovered, Are Layers And Layers Of Secrets. You Believe You Know Them, That You Understand Them, But Their Motives Are Always Hidden From You, Buried In Their Own Hearts. You Will Never Know Them, But Sometimes You Decide To Trust Them.

Guilt [is] A Tool, Rather Than A Weapon Against The Self.

You Need To Be Passionate About The Creative Work That You're Doing, But You Need To Be Kind Of Emotionally Separated From How People React To It Or How It Does. Those Things Should Be Secondary, And Primary Should Be Your Love Of The Creative Act.

It Is More Important For You To Be Safe Than Right, For The Time Being. Understand? (...) But Please, When You See An Opportunity...ruin Them

"but Please, When You See An Opportunity..." He Presses His Hand To My Cheek, Cold And Strong, And Tilts My Head Up So I Have To Look At Him. His Eyes Glint. They Almost Look Predatory. "ruin Them."

I Will Be My Undoing, If I Become My Obsession. I Will Forget The Ones I Love, If I Do Not Serve Them. I Will War With Others, If I Refuse To See Them. Therefore, I Choose To Turn Away From My Reflection, To Rely Not On Myself But On My Brothers And Sisters, To Project Always Outward Until I Disappear [and Only God Remains.]

Ser Sincero En Todo Momento Debe Requerir Valor. Yo No Sabría Hacerlo.

His Eyes Search The Crowd Until They Find My Face. My Heartbeat Lives In My Throat; Lives In My Cheeks. "i Still Don't Understand," He Says Softly, "how She Knew That It Would Work.

But Christina And I Are Not People Who Cry Together; We're People Who Fight Together. So I Hold My Tears In.

And Don't Pay Attention To Christina. Your Face Doesn't Look That Bad." He Smiles A Little. "i Mean, It Looks Good. It Always Looks Good. I Mean--you Look Brave. Dauntless." His Eyes Skirt Mine, And He Scratches The Back Of His Head. The Silence Grows Between Us. It Was A Nice Thing To Say, But He Acts Like It Means More Than Just Words. I Hope I Am Wrong. I Could Not Be Attracted To Al-- I Could Not Be Attracted To Anyone That Fragile. I Smile As Much As My Bruised Cheek Will Allow, Hoping That Will Diffuse The Tension.

That Our World Is So Massive That It Is Completely Out Of Our Control, That We Cannot Possibly Be As Large As We Feel.

Even Though I Am Still Injured, I Had To Fight Again Today.luckily This Time,i Was Paired Against Myra,who Couldn't Throw A Good Punch If Someone Was Controlling Her Arm For Her.

I Know That I'll Be Writing For Young Adults For A Long Time. Mostly Because I Just Love The Readers And The Teachers And Librarians That I Interact With.

A Breeze Blows Through The Alley, Pushing Me To One Side, And I Think Of Scaling The Ferris Wheel With Tobias. He Kept Me Steady Then. There Is No One Left To Keep Me Steady Now.

It's When You're Acting Selflessly That You Are At Your Bravest." --four In Divergent

Now She Looks Pale And Small, But Her Eyes Make Me Think Of Wide- Open Skies That I Have Never Actually Seen, Only Dreamed Of.

What Is Wrong With You?' I Shake My Head. 'pull It Together.' And That's What It Feels Like: Pulling The Different Parts Of Me Up And In Like A Shoelace. I Feel Suffocated, But At Least I Feel Strong.

They All Laugh. We All Laugh. And It Occurs To Me That I Might Be Meeting Tobias's True Faction. They Are Not Characterized By A Particular Virtue. They Claim All Colors, All Activities, All Virtues, And All Flaws As Their Own.

Is There Any Other Way To Erudite Headquarters?" I Say. "not That I Now Of," Says Cara. "unless You Want To Jump From One Roof To Another." She Laughs A Little As She Says It, Like It's A Joke. I Raise My Eyebrows At Her. "wait," She Says. "you Aren't Considering---?

Or Maybe We'll Make A Home Somewhere Inside Ourselves, To Carry With Us Wherever We Go- Which Is The Way I Carry My Mother Now.

One Piece Of Advice I Have Is: Want Something Else More Than Success. Success Is A Lovely Thing, But Your Desire To Say Something, Your Worth, And Your Identity Shouldn’t Rely On It, Because It’s Not Guaranteed And It’s Not Permanent And It’s Not Sufficient. So Work Hard, Fall In Love With The Writing — The Characters, The Story, The Words, The Themes — And Make Sure That You Are Who You Are Regardless Of Your Life Circumstances. That Way, When The Good Things Come, They Don’t Warp You, And When The Bad Things Hit You, You Don’t Fall Apart.

Falling In Love

Sometimes, The Best Way To Help Someone Is Just To Be Near Them.

He Touches My Face, Covering My Cheeks With His Hands, Sliding His Fingertips Down My Neck, Fitting His Fingers To The Slight Curve Of My Hips. I Can't Stop.

She Can't Possibly Be Me, Though She Moves When I Move

And He’s Right To Say That Every Faction Loses Something When It Gains A Virtue: The Dauntless, Brave But Cruel; The Erudite, Intelligent But Vain; The Amity, Peaceful But Passive; The Candor, Honest But Inconsiderate; The Abnegation, Selfless But Stifling.

No. Because It's So Stupid No Dauntless With Any Sense Would Speak It, Let Alone Think It. Pansycake. What Are You, Twelve?" "and A Half," He Says.

To Me, When Someone Wrongs You, You Both Share The Burden Of That Wrongdoing - The Pain Of It Weighs On Both Of You. Forgiveness, Then, Means Choosing To Bear The Full Weight All By Yourself. Caleb's Betrayal Is Something We Both Carry, And Since He Did It, All I've Wanted Is For Him To Take Its Weight Away From Me. I Am Not Sure That I'm Capable Of Shouldering It All Myself - Not Sure That I Am Strong Enough, Or Good Enough.

Let The Guilt Teach You How To Behave Next Time.

I Do Like To Hit People-i Like The Explosion Of Power And Energy, And The Feeling That I Am Untouchable Because I Can Hurt People. But I Hate That Part Of Myself, Because It Is The Part Of Me That Is The Most Broken

Nature Is Neutral. Nature Doesn't Care How Much Money A Person Makes.

People, Even Genetically Damaged People, Make Choices. That’s What Matters.’

I Look Out The Window Again, Taking Slow, Deep Breaths Into A Body Too Tense To Move. And As I Stare Out At The Land, I Think That This, If Nothing Else, Is Compelling Evidence For My Parents’ God, That Our World Is So Massive That It Is Completely Out Of Our Control, That We Cannot Possibly Be As Large As We Feel. -tris Prior

Like A Wild Animal, The Truth Is Too Powerful To Remain Caged.

Evil Depends On Where You're Standing.

Tris," He Says. "what Did They Do To You? You're Acting Like A Lunatic." "that's Not Very Nice Of You To Say," I Say. "they Put Me In A Good Mood, That's All. And Now I Really Want To Kiss You, So If You Could Just Relax-

To Me, When Someone Wrongs You, You Both Share The Burden Of That Wrongdoing—the Pain Of It Weighs On Both Of You. Forgiveness, Then, Means Choosing To Bear The Full Weight All By Yourself.

You Can't Be Fearless, Remember? Because You Still Care About Things. About Your Life.

What Do You Think They're Going To Do To Us When They Find Us Guilty?" She Says After A Few Minutes Of Silence Have Passed. "honestly?" "does Now Seem Like The Time For Honesty?" I Look At Her From The Corner Of My Eye. "i Think They're Going To Force Us To Eat Lots Of Cake And Then Take An Unreasonably Long Nap.

Yes," She Says, Her Eyes Bright With Tears. "my Dear Child, You've Done So Well.

I Was Still Afraid Of Him, I Knew, But In A Different Way - I Was No Longer A Child, Afraid Of The Threat My Terrifying Father Posed To My Safety. I Was A Man, Afraid Of The Threat He Posed To My Character, To My Future, To My Identity.

...there Is Power In Self-sacrifice.

God Tris, Are You Even Human?

You Nearly Died Today,' He Says. 'i Almost Shot You. Why Didn't You Shoot Me, Tris?' 'i Couldn't Do That,' I Say. 'it Would Have Been Like Shooting Myself.' He Looks Pained And Leans Closer To Me, So His Lips Brush Mine When He Speaks.

We Are Not People Who Touch Each Other Carelessly; Every Point Of Contact Between Us Feels Important, A Rush Of Energy And Relief.

There Are So Many Ways To Be Brave In This World. Sometimes It Involves Giving Up Everything You Have Ever Known, Or Everyone You Have Ever Loved For The Sake Of Something Greater.

I Ignore My Fear. When I Make Decisions, I Pretend It Doesn't Exist.

He Gives Me A Conflicted Look And Touches His Lips To My Forehead, Right Between My Eyebrows. I Close My Eyes. I Don't Understand This, Whatever It Is. But I Don't Want To Ruin It, So I Say Nothing. He Doesn't Move; He Just Stays There With His Mouth Pressed To My Skin, And I Stay There With My Hands On His Waist, For A Long Time.

It's Not That I Ever Sat Down And Outlined A Trilogy, But I Always Have A Sense Of What Size An Idea Is When I Start It.

I Shift From One Foot To The Other, Trying To Get A Good Look At Him. When I Finally Do, I Look Away. His Eyes Were Already On Me, Probably Drawn By My Nervous Movement.

I Don't Really Control The Story. I Just Let It Go Where It Wants To Go. I Have No Idea What's Going To Happen In The End Or Who's Going To Live, So It's Kind Of Like Me Saying, "i Don't Know, Guys! Just Wait." That's What I'm Doing!

I Settle Into Their Pace. The Uniform Pounding Of Feet In My Ears And The Homogeneity Of The People Around Me Makes Me Believe That I Could Choose This. I Could Be Subsumed Into Abnegation’s Hive Mind, Projecting Always Outward.

Every Tattoo I Got With Them Is A Mark Of Their Friendship, And Almost Every Time I Have Laughed In This Dark Place Was Because Of Them. I Don’t Want To Lose Them. But I Feel Like I Have Already.

We Could Visit Him," Suggests Will. "but What Would We Say? 'i Didn't Know You That Well, But I'm Sorry You Got Stabbed In The Eye'?

I'll Say It One Last Time: Be Brave.

Lynn Smacks Uriah Hard In The Back Of The Head, Christina Says, “hey Tris!” And Uriah Cries, “ow! How On Earth Do You Make A Pillow Hurt, Lynn?” “my Exceptional Strength,” She Says.

A Sob Racks My Body Again, And He Wraps His Arms Around Me So Tightly I Find It Difficult To Breathe, But It Doesn't Matter. My Dignified Weeping Gives Way To Full-on Ugliness, My Mouth Open And My Face Contorted And Sounds Like A Dying Animal Coming From My Throat. If This Continues I Will Break Apart, And Maybe That Would Be Better, Maybe It Would Be Better To Shatter And Bear Nothing.

I'm Sick Of Doing Bad Things And Liking It And Then Wondering What's Wrong With Me. I Want It To Be Over. I Want To Start Again.

I Think It's A Human Tendency That's Been Around For A While To Try To Be As Good As Possible To Prove Your Worth.

Sometimes It Isn't Fighting That's Brave, Its Facing The Death You Know Is Coming.

He Told Me Once To Be Brave, And Though I Have Stood Still While Knives Spun Toward My Face And Jumped Off A Roof, I Never Thought I Would Need Bravery In The Small Moments Of My Life. I Do.

Maybe Dauntless Was Formed With Good Intentions, With The Right Ideals And The Right Goals. But It Has Strayed Far From Them. And The Same Is True Of Erudite, I Realize. A Long Time Ago, Erudite Pursued Knowledge And Ingenuity For The Sake Of Doing Good. Now They Pursue Knowledge And Ingenuity With Greedy Hearts. I Wonder If The Other Factions Suffer From The Same Problem. I Have Not Thought About It Before.

And Is It Selfish Of Me To Crave Victory, Or Is It Brave?

It Happened. It Was Awful. You Aren't Perfect. That's All There Is. Don't Confuse Your Grief With Guilt.

Four Grabs A Bar With Each Hand And Pulls Himself Up, Easy, Like He's Sitting Up In Bed. But He Is Not Comfortable Or Natural Here--- Every Muscle In His Arm Stands Out. It Is A Stupid Thing For Me To Think When I Am One Hundred Feet Off The Ground.

Then Drew Shuffles Into The Dining Hall. I Drop My Toast, And My Mouth Drifts Open. Calling Him “bruised” Would Be An Understatement. His Face Is Swollen And Purple. He Has A Split Lip And A Cut Running Through His Eyebrow. He Keeps His Eyes Down On The Way To His Table, Not Even Lifting Them To Look At Me. I Glance Across The Room At Four. He Wears The Satisfied Smile I Wish I Had On.

Learning How To Think In The Midst Of Fear Is A Lesson That Everyone Needs To Learn.

So Now We All Know," Says Four, Quietly, "that You Are Afraid Of A Short, Skinny Girl From Abnegation." His Mouth Curls Into A Smile.

I Open The Door To The Fear Landscape Room And Flip Open The Small Black Box That Was In My Back Pocket To See The Syringes Inside. This Is The Box I Have Always Used, Padded Around The Needles; It Is A Sign Of Something Sick Inside Me, Or Something Brave.

I Only Came For Cake" -tobias Eaton, Divergent

Uriah Drops His Tray Next To Me. It Is Loaded With Beef Stew And Chocolate Cake. I Stare At The Cake Pile. “there Was Cake?” I Say, Looking At My Own Plate, Which Is More Sensibly Stocked Than Uriah’s. “yeah, Someone Just Brought It Out. Found A Couple Boxes Of The Mix In The Back And Baked It,” He Says. “you Can Have A Few Bites Of Mine.” “a Few Bites? So You’re Planning On Eating That Mountain Of Cake By Yourself?” “yes.” He Looks Confused. “why?” “never Mind.

He Smiles In My Memory. A Curled Lip. Straight Teeth. Light In His Eyes. Laughing, Teasing, More Alive In Memory Than I M In Reality. It Was Him Or Me. I Chose Me. But I Feel Dead Too.

Please. They're Like The Cult Of Four.

I Notice, However, That Peter Only Pretends To Inject Himself—when He Presses The Plunger Down, The Fluid Runs Down His Throat, And He Wipes It Casually With A Sleeve. I Wonder What It Feels Like To Volunteer To Forget Everything.

Forget Everything

Then Everyone Can Call You Six.” “four And Six,” I Say.

I'm Going To Stop A Revolution,'' I Say. I Turn Right, And Peter Follows Me.

He Turns Toward Me. I Want To Touch Him, But I’m Afraid Of His Bareness; Afraid That He Will Make Me Bare Too. ‘is This Scaring You, Tris?’ ‘no,’ I Croak. I Clear My Throat. ‘not Really. I’m Only…afraid Of What I Want.’ ‘what Do You Want?’ Then His Face Tightens. ‘me?’ Slowly I Nod.

Four Flips The Gun In This Hand, Presses The Barrel To Peter's Forehead, And Clicks A Bullet Into Place. Peter Freezes With His Lips Parted, The Yawn Dead In His Mouth. "wake. Up," Four Snaps. "you Are Holding A Loaded Gun, You Idiot. Act Like It.

What Did You Do?” I Mumble. He Is Just A Few Feet Away From Me Now, But Not Close Enough To Hear Me. As He Passes Me He Stretches Out His Hand. He Wraps It Around My Palm And Squeezes. Squeezes, Then Lets Go. His Eyes Are Bloodshot; He Is Pale. “what Did You Do?” This Time The Question Tears From My Throat Like A Growl. I Throw Myself Toward Him, Struggling Against Peter’s Grip, Though His Hands Chafe. “what Did You Do?” I Scream. “you Die, I Die Too” Tobias Looks Over His Shoulder At Me. “i Asked You Not To Do This. You Made Your Decision. These Are The Repercussions.

How Is It I Know This Little About The Boy Who Says He Loves Me-

From Your Results I Have Determined That You Are One Of The Strongest Divergent, Which I Say Not To Compliment You But To Explain My Purpose. If I Am To Develop A Simulation That Cannot Be Thwarted By The Divergent Mind, I Must Study The Strongest Divergent Mind In Order To Shore Up All Weaknesses In The Technology.

Compliments You

He Moves His Thumb In A Slow Circle Over The Back Of My Hand. It Is Meant To Comfort Me, But It Frustrates Me Instead. I Need To Talk To Him. I Need To Look At Him.

I'm Divergent. And I Can't Be Controlled.

What Makes You Different, Makes You Dangerous.

Thank You For Your Honesty," Niles Says. The Candor Repeat The Phrase Under Their Breath. All Around Me Are The Words "thank You For Your Honesty" At Different Volumes And Pitches, And My Anger Begins To Dissolve.

Change, Like Healing, Takes Time.

I Am His, And He Is Mine, And It Has Been That Way All Along.

But When I Do Feel All The Strength Go Out Of Me, And I Fall To My Knees Beside The Table And I Think I Cry, Then, Or At Least I Want To, And Everything Inside Me Screams For Just One More Kiss, One More Word, One More Glance, One More.

Someone Shouts, "enough!" And I Think Too Much And Nothing At All.

Fear," She Says, "is More Powerful Than Pain.

Without Thinking, I Grab Al's Arm And Squeeze It As Tightly As I Can. I Just Need Something To Hold On To. Blood Runs Down The Side Of Christina's Face And Splatters On The Ground Next To Her Cheek. This Is The First Time I Have Ever Prayed For Someone To Fall Unconscious.... Al Frees His Hand And Pulls Me Tight To His Side. I Clench My Teeth To Keep From Crying Out.

It’s Not A Perfect Situation. But When You Have To Choose Between Two Bad Options, You Pick The One That Saves The People You Love And Believe In Most. You Just Do. Okay?

I Tell Myself, As Sternly As Possible, That Is How Things Work Here. We Do Dangerous Things And People Die. People Die, And We Move On To The Next Dangerous Thing. The Sooner That Lesson Sinks In, The Better Chance I Have At Surviving Initiation.

I Am Afraid Of Her, Afraid Of What She Says-and Thrilled By It Too, Because It Means I Don't Have To Accept That I Am Smaller Than I Once Believed.

I Met Him While I Was Imprisoned," I Say, And My Voice Sounds Far Away Even To Me. "i Was Just Curious." "i Wouldn't Judge Him Too Harshly," Says Fernando. "jeanine Can Be Extraordinarily Persuasive To Those Who Aren't Naturally Suspicious. I Have Always Been Naturally Suspicious." ... "yeah," I Say. "so Have I.

Well, I Already Know What Happened To My Face", I Say. "i Was There. Sort Of

Human Reason Can Excuse Any Evil; That Is Why It's So Important That We Don't Rely On It.

You Were Afraid Of Shooting People?" "no," I Say. "i Was Afraid Of My Considerable Capacity To Kill." How Many Young Men Fear That There Is A Monster Inside Of Them?

My Father Has A Way Of Persuading People Without Charm That Has Always Confused Me. He States His Opinions As If They’re Facts, And Somehow His Complete Lack Of Doubt Makes You Believe Him. That Quality Frightens Me Now, Because I Know What He Told Me: That I Was Broken, That I Was Worthless, That I Was Nothing. How Many Of Those Things Did He Make Me Believe?

Four: Be Brave Tris. The First Time Is Always The Hardest.

I Slowly Realized That Perfectionism Just Not That Important. What's More Important Is To Try To Love The People Around You. Whatever That Means At A Particular Time Is The Best You Can Do.

Then His Eyes Focus On Something Over My Shoulder, And He Starts Walking. I Turn To See Uriah Jogging From The Elevator Bank. He Is Grinning. “heard A Rumor You Were A Dirty Traitor,” Uriah Says. “yeah, Whatever,” Says Zeke. They Collide In An Embrace That Looks Almost Painful To Me, Slapping Each Other’s Backs And Laughing With Their Fists Clasped Between Them.

What's Worse: To Be Idle While Someone Dies, Or To Be Exiled And Empty-handed?

To Find That Place Between What I Want And What I Think Is Wise.

I Love 'harry Potter.' I'm A Huge Nerd - I Would Dress Up If I Could.

Why Do You Say Vague Things If You Don't Want To Be Asked About Them?

With Four? Doing A Little... Addition? Multiplication?

That’s One Way Of Looking At It. I Prefer To Look At It Another Way—which Is That If They Are Persistent Enough, Even Tiny Drops Of Water, Over Time, Can Change The Rock Forever. And It Will Never Change Back.

Who Is He When He Isn't Dauntless, Isn't An Instructor, Isn't Four, Isn't Anything In Particular? Whoever He Is, I Like Him. It's Easier To Admit That To Myself Now, In The Dark, After All That Just Happened. He Is Not Sweet Or Gentle Or Particularly Kind. But He Is Smart And Brave, And Even Though He Saved Me, He Treated Me Like I Was Strong. That Is All I Need To Know.

I Think You're Still The Only Person Sharp Enough To Sharpen Someone Like Me.

Christina,'i Say,'the Factionless Have All The Guns.

That Said, In The Two Weeks Before I Leave For The Dark Days Tour, I Am Going Radio Silent, Which Means I Will Be Avoiding The Internet At All Costs In Order To Revise, Revise, Revise. I Will Miss You. Tris Says Hi, Though.

But I Will Find New Habits, New Thoughts, New Rules. I Will Become Something Else.

There's Really No Way To Be Perfect. Perfectionism Is A Silly Trait To Have, So In A Lot Of Ways That Inspired The World Of 'divergent,' In Which Everyone Is Striving Toward That Ideal And Falling Short Of It.

Beatrice. We Should Think Of Our Family. But. But We Must Also Think Of Ourselves.

What Thought Or Message Would You Put In A Fortune Cookie? "stop Reading This. Eat The Cookie And Live Your Life.

It Is Amazing How Pretending To Be In A Different Faction Changes Everything -- Even The Way I Walk. That Must Be Why It's So Strange That I Could Easily Belong In Three Of Them.

The Gun Goes Off. I Fall.

Psyche You Out?" I Repeat. "i'm Your Friend. I Wouldn't Do That." He Doesn't Say Anything. I Can Tell He Doesn't Believe Me-not Quite.

Two Things You Should Know About Me; The First Is That I Am Deeply Suspicious Of People In General. It Is My Nature To Expect The Worst Of Them. And The Second Is That I Am Unexpectedly Good With Computers.

It Doesn't Prove Anything Except That You're Bullying Us. Which, As I Recall, Is A Sign Of Cowardice.

I Know That I Am Birdlike, Made Narrow And Small As If For Taking Flight, Built Straight-waisted And Fragile. But When He Touches Me Like He Can't Bear To Take His Hand Away, I Don't Wish I Was Any Different.

You Know, There's A Word For Big, Strong Men Who Attack Women, And It's Coward.

But I Killed A Man Just Like My Mother Did. David Says It’s Okay Because I Didn’t Mean To, And Because He Was About To Kill That Little Kid. But I’m Pretty Sure My Mom Didn’t Mean To Kill My Dad, Either, So What Difference Does That Make, Meaning Or Not Meaning To Do Something? Accident Or On Purpose, The Result Is The Same, And That’s One Fewer Life Than There Should Be In The World.

I Have Realized That Part Of Being Dauntless Is Being Willing To Make Things More Difficult For Yourself In Order To Be Self-sufficient.

Some People Believe That I Will Go Nowhere, And Maybe They're Right, But Maybe They're Not.

I Have A Theory That Selflessness And Bravery Aren't All That Different. All Your Life You've Been Training To Forget Yourself, So When You're In Danger, It Becomes Your First Instinct

I Suppose Everything Is Bound To Look Different When You Aren't On Your Way To Die.

My Body Rises With The Water. Instead Of Kicking My Feet To Stay Abreast Of It, I Push All The Air From My Lungs And Sink To The Bottom. The Water Muffles My Ears. I Feel Its Movement Over My Face. I Think About Snorting The Water Into My Lungs So It Kills Me Faster, But I Can't Bring Myself To Do It. I Blow Bubbles From My Mouth. Relax. I Close My Eyes. My Lungs Burn.

I Don't Want To Stop You. I Want You To Stop Yourself.

He Seems Designed Specifically For Speed And Deadly Accuracy. But Not Strength, Not Particularly-he Is Smart, But Not Strong. Only Strong Enough To Carry Me.

He's One Of The Last Friends I Have," She Says, Her Voice Breaking. "i Don't Know If I'll Ever Be Able To Look At You The Same Way Again.

Four Sits Down On The Edge Of The Carousel, Leaning Against A Plastic Horse's Foot. His Eyes Lift To The Sky, Where There Are No Stars, Only A Round Moon Peking Through A Thin Layer Of Clouds. The Muscles In His Arms Are Relaxed; His Hand Rests On The Back Of His Neck. He Looks Almost Comfortable, Holding That Gun To His Shoulder. I Close My Eyes Briefly. Why Does He Distract Me So Easily? I Need To Focus.

Sorry, Am I Being Rude?" She Asks. "i'm Used To Saying Whatever Is On My Mind. Mom Used To Say That Politeness Is Deception In Pretty Packaging

This Is How We Came By Our Factions: Candor, Erudite, Amity, Abnegation And Dauntless." Max Smiles. "in Them We Find Administrators And Teachers And Counselors And Leaders And Protectors. In Them We Find Our Sense Of Belonging, Our Sense Of Community, Our Very Lives.

Since He Saved Me From The Attack, I Have Associated His Smell With Safety, So As Long As I Focus On It, I Feel Safe Now.

I Wish I Could Say I Felt Guilty For What I Did. I Don't.

I Stare At Him. I Feel My Heartbeat Everywhere, Even In My Toes. I Feel Like Doing Something Bold, But I Could Just As Easily Walk Away. I Am Not Sure Which Option Is Smarter, Or Better. I Am Not Sure That I Care.

May The Peace Of God Be With You," She Says, Her Voice Low, "even In The Midst Of Trouble." "why Would It?" I Say Softly, So No One Else Can Hear. "after All I've Done..." "it Isn't About You," She Says. "it Is A Gift. You Cannot Earn It, Or It Ceases To Be A Gift.

Nothing Else Is Alright. But We Are. -tobias

Dauntless,' He Says. 'i Was Born For Abnegation. I Was Planning On Leaving Dauntless, And Becoming Factionless. But Then I Met Her, And...i Felt Like Maybe I Could Make Something More Of My Decision.' Her. For A Moment, It's Like I'm Looking At A Different Person, Sitting In Tobias's Skin, One Whose Life Is Not As Simple As I Thought. He Wanted To Leave Dauntless, But He Stayed Because Of Me. He Never Told Me That.

I Did Not Know That My Entire Personality, My Entire Being, Could Be Discarded As The Byproduct Of My Anatomy. What If I Really Am Just Someone With A Large Prefrontal Cortex...and Nothing More?

It's Strange How Time Can Make A Place Shrink, Make Its Strangeness Ordinary.

By The Time We Leave, I Have Red Lips And Curled Eyelashes, And I’m Wearing A Bright Red Dress. And There’s A Knife Strapped To The Inside Of My Knee. This All Makes Perfect Sense.

Feel Tobias Brushing My Hair Back Before The First Simulation. I Hear Him Telling Me To Be Brave. I Hear My Mother Telling Me To Be Brave(...) I Am Brave.

I Have A Message For The Divergent" I Am Divergent. "this Is Not A Negotiation" No, It Is Not. "it Is A Warning" I Understand. "every Two Days Until One Of You Delivers Yourself To Erudite Headquarters . . ." I Will. " . . . This Will Happen Again" It Will Never Happen Again.

No Factions? A World In Which No One Knows Who They Are Or Where They Fit? I Can't Even Fathom It. I Imagine Only Chaos And Isolation.

What Good Is A Prepared Body If You Have A Scattered Mind?

Some People Will Always Fear Change. But We Can't Indulge Them.

I Want People To Come Away From My Book With Questions. Questions About Virtue And Goodness. Not Answers.

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