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All I Want Is To Become Someone New. In This Case, Tobias Johnson, Son Of Evelyn Johnson. Tobias Johnson May Have Lived A Dull And Empty Life, But He Is At Least A Whole Person, Not This Fragment Of A Person That I Am, Too Damaged By Pain To Become Anything Useful.

-Veronica Roth

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All I Want Is

Veronica Roth

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All I Want Is To Become Someone New. In This Case, Tobias Johnson, Son Of Evelyn Johnson. Tobias Johnson May Have Lived A Dull And Empty Life, But He Is At Least A Whole Person, Not This Fragment Of A Person That I Am, Too Damaged By Pain To Become Anything Useful.

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Because Even A Sliver Of Distance Between Us Is Infuriating.

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I Have Realized That Part Of Being Dauntless Is Being Willing To Make Things More Difficult For Yourself In Order To Be Self-sufficient.

God Tris, Are You Even Human?

I Used To Go Outside Every Day And Invent These Elaborate Worlds And Scenarios In My Head, And When I Grew Too Old For Playing Pretend, I Started To Write Everything Down Instead.

A Chasm Reminds Us That There Is A Fine Line Between Bravery And Idiocy.

You're More Than Dauntless," He Says In A Low Voice. "but If You Want To Be Just Like Them, Hurling Yourself Into Ridiculous Situations For No Reason And Retaliating Against Your Enemies Without Any Regard For What's Ethical, Go Right Ahead. I Thought You Were Better Than That, But Maybe I Was Wrong.

Since He Saved Me From The Attack, I Have Associated His Smell With Safety, So As Long As I Focus On It, I Feel Safe Now.

I Laugh Shakily. ‘you’re A Little Scary, Four.’ ‘do Me A Favor,’ He Says, ‘and Don’t Call Me That.’ ‘what Should I Call You, Then?’ ‘nothing.’ He Takes His Hand From My Face. ‘yet.

It Reminds Me That No Embrace Will Ever Feel The Same Again, Because No One Will Ever Be Like Her Again, Because She's Gone. She's Gone, And Crying Feels So Useless, So Stupid, But It's All I Can Do.

I Would Be Shocked By The Lack Of Security If We Were Not At Amity Headquarters. They Often Straddle The Line Between Trust And Stupidity.

Four Sits Down On The Edge Of The Carousel, Leaning Against A Plastic Horse's Foot. His Eyes Lift To The Sky, Where There Are No Stars, Only A Round Moon Peking Through A Thin Layer Of Clouds. The Muscles In His Arms Are Relaxed; His Hand Rests On The Back Of His Neck. He Looks Almost Comfortable, Holding That Gun To His Shoulder. I Close My Eyes Briefly. Why Does He Distract Me So Easily? I Need To Focus.

I Am Better Off Doing As Abnegation Taught Me: Turning Away From Myself, Projecting Always Outward, And Hoping That In Whatever Is Next, I Will Be Better Than I Am Now.

You Don’t Always Have To Smack People In The Face With How Strong You Are

I Just Wanted To Thank You' He Says, His Voice Low. 'a Group Of Scientists Told You That My Genes Were Damaged, That There Was Something Wrong With Me - They Showed You The Test Results That Proved It. And Even I Started To Believe It.' He Touches My Face, His Thumb Skimming My Cheekbone, And His Eyes Are On Mine, Intense And Insistent. 'you Never Believed It,' He Says 'not For A Second. You Always Insisted I Was... I Don't Know, Whole.

Let Me Get This Straight. So You Left The Dauntless Compound To Get Ready For War... And Took Your Makeup Bag With You?" "yep. Figured It Would Be Harder For Anyone To Shoot Me If They Saw How Devastatingly Attractive I Was.

They Died For Me,” I Say. That Feels Important

And Sometimes, If You Want The Truth, You Have To Demand It.

I Note How Calm She Looks And How Focused She Is. She Is Well-practiced In The Art Of Losing Herself. I Can't Say The Same Of Myself.

She Smiles.her Teeth Are Crooked. If I Knocked Them Out,i Might Be Doing Her A Favor.

Someone Shouts, "enough!" And I Think Too Much And Nothing At All.

I Might Be In Love With You." He Smiles A Little. "i'm Waiting Until I'm Sure To Tell You, Though.

I Don't Really Control The Story. I Just Let It Go Where It Wants To Go. I Have No Idea What's Going To Happen In The End Or Who's Going To Live, So It's Kind Of Like Me Saying, "i Don't Know, Guys! Just Wait." That's What I'm Doing!

I Ignore My Fear,” He Says. “when I Make Decisions, I Pretend It Doesn’t Exist.” I Stare At Him For A Second. I Can’t Help It. To Me There’s A Difference Between Not Being Afraid And Acting In Spite Of Fear, As He Does.

You Chose Us. Now We Have To Choose You.

Four Flips The Gun In This Hand, Presses The Barrel To Peter's Forehead, And Clicks A Bullet Into Place. Peter Freezes With His Lips Parted, The Yawn Dead In His Mouth. "wake. Up," Four Snaps. "you Are Holding A Loaded Gun, You Idiot. Act Like It.

Any Idiot Can Stand In Front Of A Target," I Say. "it Doesn't Prove Anything Except That You're Bullying Us. Which, As I Recall Is A Sign Of Cowardice" "then It Should Be Easy For You," Eric Sys. "if You're Willing Ot Take His Place.

To Find That Place Between What I Want And What I Think Is Wise.

Four Grabs A Bar With Each Hand And Pulls Himself Up, Easy, Like He's Sitting Up In Bed. But He Is Not Comfortable Or Natural Here--- Every Muscle In His Arm Stands Out. It Is A Stupid Thing For Me To Think When I Am One Hundred Feet Off The Ground.

I Did Not Know That My Entire Personality, My Entire Being, Could Be Discarded As The Byproduct Of My Anatomy. What If I Really Am Just Someone With A Large Prefrontal Cortex...and Nothing More?

I'm A Fairly Religious Person, So I Believe In Some Things That Sound A Little Crazy I'm Sure, Depending On Where You're Standing. I Believe In Leaving Room For Things That You Can't Explain In The Universe, And You Don't Have To Be Religious To Leave Room For Those Things.

You Know What Abnegation Used To Say About Pride?' 'something Unfavorable,i Assume.' I Laugh.' Obviously. They Said It Blinds People To The Truth Of What They Are.

Who Cares About Everyone? What About Me?

I Don't Believe It Is More Important To Move Forward Than To Know The Truth.

I Didn't Know That Idiocy Caused People To Just Start Spontaneously Bleeding From The Nose.

I Would Rather Be Dead Than Empty

Human Beings As A Whole Cannot Be Good For Long Before The Bad Creeps Back In And Poisons Us Again.

Out Of My Peripheral Vision, I See Four Shove The Door Open And Walk Out. Apparently This Fight Isn't Interesting Enough For Him. Or Maybe He's Going To Figure Out Why Everything's Spinning Like A Top, And I Don't Blame Him; I Want To Know The Answer Too.

No Factions? A World In Which No One Knows Who They Are Or Where They Fit? I Can't Even Fathom It. I Imagine Only Chaos And Isolation.

This Is How We Came By Our Factions: Candor, Erudite, Amity, Abnegation And Dauntless." Max Smiles. "in Them We Find Administrators And Teachers And Counselors And Leaders And Protectors. In Them We Find Our Sense Of Belonging, Our Sense Of Community, Our Very Lives.

Okay. Then...i Can Talk. Ask Me Something." "okay." He Laughs Shakily In My Ear. "why Is Your Heart Racing Tris?" I Cringe And Say, "well, I...i Barely Know You. I Barely Know You And I'm Crammed Up Against You In A Box, Four, What Do You Think?"... "maybe You Were Cut Out For Candor," He Says, "because You're A Terrible Liar.

Did You Just Call Me Beatrice?

Four!" I Call Out. Why Am I Calling A Number? Oh Yes. Because That's His Name. — Tris.

I Feel The Urge, Familiar Now, To Wrench Myself From My Body And Speak Directly Into Her Mind. It Is The Same Urge, I Realize, That Makes Me Want To Kiss Her Every Time I See Her, Because Even A Sliver Of Distance Between Us Is Infuriating. Our Fingers, Loosely Woven A Moment Ago, Now Clutch Together, Her Palm Tacky With Moisture, Mine Rough In Places Where I Have Grabbed Too Many Handles On Too Many Moving Trains. Now She Looks Pale And Small, But Her Eyes Make Me Think Of Wide-open Skies That I Have Never Actually Seen, Only Dreamed Of.

But I Killed A Man Just Like My Mother Did. David Says It’s Okay Because I Didn’t Mean To, And Because He Was About To Kill That Little Kid. But I’m Pretty Sure My Mom Didn’t Mean To Kill My Dad, Either, So What Difference Does That Make, Meaning Or Not Meaning To Do Something? Accident Or On Purpose, The Result Is The Same, And That’s One Fewer Life Than There Should Be In The World.

The Gun Goes Off. I Fall.

I Get Up, Because I’m Supposed To, But If It Were Up To Me, I’d Stay In My Seat For The Rest Of Time.

I Know That I Am Birdlike, Made Narrow And Small As If For Taking Flight, Built Straight-waisted And Fragile. But When He Touches Me Like He Can't Bear To Take His Hand Away, I Don't Wish I Was Any Different.

We Believe In Ordinary Acts Of Bravery, In The Courage That Drives One Person To Stand Up For Another.

You Always Look Like Someone's Sucked The Life Right Out Of You When Something Fascinates You. -tris

We Believe In Bravery. We Believe In Taking Action. We Believe In Freedom From Fear And In Acquiring The Skills To Force The Bad Out Of Our World So That The Good Can Prosper And Thrive. If You Also Believe In Those Things, We Welcome You.

There's A Reason Why She Left Them, Lauren," He Says. His Voice Is Deep, And It Rumbles. "what's Your Name?" "um..." I Don't Know Why I Hesitate. But "beatrice" Just Doesn't Sound Right Anymore. "think About It," He Says, A Faint Smile Curling His Lips. " You Don't Get To Pick Again." A New Place, A New Name. I Can Be Remade Here. "tris," I Say Firmly.

In Some Parts Of The Ancient World, The Hawk Symbolized The Sun. Back When I Got This, I Figured If I Always Had The Sun On Me, I Wouldn't Be Afraid Of The Dark

No Matter How Long You Train Someone To Be Brave, You Never Know If They Are Or Not Until Something Real Happens.

Before We Sit Down, He Puts His Mouth Next To My Ear And Says, “i Like Your Hair That Way.

And Then The Screaming Begins.

Aren’t You Going To Ask Me If I’m All Right?” I Say. “no, I’m Pretty Sure You’re Not All Right.” He Shakes His Head. “i’m Going To Ask You Not To Make Any Decisions Until We’ve Talked About It.

I Realize That The Decision Might Be Simple. It Will Require A Great Act Of Selflessness To Choose Abnegation, Or A Great Act Of Courage To Choose Dauntless, And Maybe Just Choosing One Over The Other Will Prove That I Belong.

Stiff. That’s Why You’re Strong, Get It? - Tobias Eaton

They All Laugh. We All Laugh. And It Occurs To Me That I Might Be Meeting Tobias's True Faction. They Are Not Characterized By A Particular Virtue. They Claim All Colors, All Activities, All Virtues, And All Flaws As Their Own.

That Execution Will Take Place Here." She Runs Her Fingertips Over The Table Beneath Her. "on This Table. I Thought It Would Be Interesting To Show You." "i Knew What Would Happen When I Came Here," I Say. "it's Just A Table. And I'd Like To Go Back To My Room Now.

Sometimes I Feel Like There Is So Much To Be Afraid Of, And Sometimes I Feel Like There Is Nothing Left To Fear.

I Wasn't Good Enough For Abnegation," I Say, "and I Wanted To Be Free. So I Chose Dauntless." "why Weren't You Good Enough?" "because I Was Selfish." I Say. "you Were Selfish? You Aren't Anymore?" "of Course I Am. My Mother Said That Everyone Is Selfish," I Say, "but I Became Less Selfish In Dauntless. I Discovered There Were People I Would Fight For. Die For, Even.

Sometimes I Just... Want To See It Again. Want To See You Awake.

I Hear My Heartbeat. I Have Been Looking At Him Too Long, But Then, He Has Been Looking Back, And I Feel Like We Are Both Trying To Say Something The Other Can't Hear, Though I Could Be Imagining It. Too Long - And Now Even Longer, My Heart Even Louder, His Tranquil Eyes Swallowing Me Whole.

I’m Not Anyone,” He Says. “i’m Nobody. That’s What Being Factionless Is.

Divergent Series

Those Who Seek Peace Above All Else, They Say, Will Always Deceive To Keep The Water Calm.

In Order To Have Peace, We Must First Have Trust.

The Fire, The Fire. It Rages Within, A Campfire And Then An Inferno, And My Body Is Its Fuel. I Feel It Racing Through Me, Eating Away At The Weight. There Is Nothing That Can Kill Me Now; I Am Powerful And Invincible And Eternal.

I See A Kind Of Thirst In Her Expression, The Same One I Saw When She Told Me About Her Brother In The Back Room Of The Tattoo Parlor. Before The Attack Simulation I Might Have Called It A Thirst For Justice, Or Even Revenge, But Now I Am Able To Identify It As A Thirst For Blood. And Even As It Frightens Me, I Understand It. Which Should Probably Frighten Me Even More.

If The Dauntless Knew About This, Everyone Would Be Getting In Line To Learn How To Drive It,” He Says. “including Me.” “no, They Would Be Strapping Themselves To The Wings.” Christina Pokes His Arm. “don’t You Know Your Own Faction?

So How Can I Hold Tobias’s Desperation Against Him, Like I’m Better Than Him, Like I’ve Never Let My Own Brokenness Blind Me?

We've All Started To Put Down The Virtues Of The Other Factions In The Process Of Bolstering Our Own. I Don't Want To Do That. I Want To Be Brave, And Selfless, And Smart, And Kind, And Honest." He Clears His Throat. "i Continually Struggle With Kindness.

Really? I Thought The Transfers Will Go Through Four’s Landscape,” Says Uriah. “like He Would Let Anyone Do That,” She Says, Snorting. Something Inside Me Gets Warm And Soft. He Let Me Go Through It.

Every Faction Conditions Its Members To Think And Act A Certain Way. And Most People Do It. For Most People, It's Not Hard To Learn, To Find A Pattern Of Thought That Works And Stay That Way. But Our Minds Move In A Dozen Different Directions. We Can't Be Confined To One Way Of Thinking, And That Terrifies Our Leaders. It Means We Can't Be Controlled. And It Means That No Matter What They Do, We Will Always Cause Trouble For Them.

I Have Something To Tell You," He Says. I Run My Fingers Along The Tendons In His Hand And Look Back At Him. "i Might Be In Love With You." He Smiles A Little. "i’m Waiting Until I’m Sure To Tell You, Though.

I Feel Like What I Have Become Is Halfway Between My Mother And My Father, Violent And Impulsive And Desperate And Afraid. I Feel Like I Have Lost Control Of What I Have Become.

It's Strange How Time Can Make A Place Shrink, Make Its Strangeness Ordinary.

He Looks Like A Man Who Has Spent Most Of His Life Frowning.

Don't Pretend", I Say Breathily. "you Know I'm Not. I'm Not Ugly, But I Am Certainly Not Pretty." "fine. You're Not Pretty. So?" He Kisses My Cheek. "i Like How You Look. You're Deadly Smart. You're Brave.

Sometimes,” He Says, Sliding His Arm Across My Shoulders, “people Just Want To Be Happy, Even If It’s Not Real.

All Three Combined Is...a Different Kind Of Stupid Formerly Unheard Of By Humankind.

I Can’t Leave Now. I Like Her Too Much. There, I Said It. But I Won’t Say It Again.

A Lot Can Happen To A Person's Appearance In Three Months.

I Have Something I Need To Tell You," He Says. I Run My Fingers Along The Tendons In His Hands And Look Back At Him. "i Might Be In Love With You." He Smiles A Little. "i'm Waiting Until I'm Sure To Tell You, Though." "that's Sensible Of You," I Say, Smiling Too. "we Should Find Some Paper So You Can Make A List Or A Chart Or Something." I Feel His Laughter Against My Side, His Nose Sliding Along My Jaw, His Lips Pressing My Ear. "maybe I'm Already Sure," He Says, "and I Just Don't Want To Frighten You." I Laugh A Little. "then You Should Know Better." "fine," He Says. "then I Love You.

For A Few Minutes We Kiss, Deep In The Chasm, With The Roar Of Water All Around Us. And We Rise, Hand In Hand, I Realize That If We Had Both Chosen Differently, We Might Have Ended Up Doing The Same Thing, In A Safer Place, In Gray Clothes Instead Of Black Ones.

I Laugh, Mirthless, A Mad Laugh. I Savor The Scowl On Her Face, The Hate In Her Eyes. She Was Like A Machine; She Was Cold And Emotionless, Bound By Logic Alone. And I Broke Her.

A Dauntless Ferris Wheel Wouldn’t Have Cars. You Would Just Hang On Tight With Your Hands, And Good Luck To You.

Candor Does Not Provide Us With Protection, Sustenance, Or Technological Innovation. Therefore You Are Expendable To Us.

Please. They're Like The Cult Of Four.

That Dot Covers All The Places We've Ever Been. You Could Cut That Piece Of Land Out Of The Ground And Sing It Into This Ocean And No One Would Even Notice. I Feel That Fear Again, The Fear Of My Own Size. 'right. So?' 'so? So Everything I've Ever Worried About Or Said Or Done, How Can It Possibly Matter?' He Shakes His Head. 'it Doesn't.' 'of Course It Does,' I Say, 'all That Land Is Filled With People, Every One Of Them Different, And The Things They Do To Each Other Matter.

Do I Look Like I’ve Been Crying?’ I Say. ‘hmm.’ He Leans In Close, Narrowing His Eyes Like He’s Inspecting My Face. A Smile Tugs At The Corner Of His Mouth. Even Closer, So We Would Be Breathng The Same Air- If I Could Remember To Breathe. ‘no, Tris,’ He Says. A More Serious Look Replaces His Smile As He Adds, ‘you Look Tough As Nails.

My Name Is Four,” I Say. “call Me ‘stiff’ Again And You And I Will Have A Problem.

What Makes You Different, Makes You Dangerous.

But When You Kill Someone You Love, The Hard Part Is Never Over. It Just Gets Easier To Distract Yourself From What You've Done.

Someone You Love

My Body Rises With The Water. Instead Of Kicking My Feet To Stay Abreast Of It, I Push All The Air From My Lungs And Sink To The Bottom. The Water Muffles My Ears. I Feel Its Movement Over My Face. I Think About Snorting The Water Into My Lungs So It Kills Me Faster, But I Can't Bring Myself To Do It. I Blow Bubbles From My Mouth. Relax. I Close My Eyes. My Lungs Burn.

We Are Not People Who Touch Each Other Carelessly; Every Point Of Contact Between Us Feels Important, A Rush Of Energy And Relief.

I’d Ask You To Hang Out With Us, But You’re Not Supposed To See Me This Way.’… ‘what Way?’ I Ask. ‘drunk?’ ‘yeah…well, No.’ His Voice Softens. ‘real, I Guess.’ ‘i’ll Pretend I Didn’t.’ ‘nice Of You.’ He Puts His Lips Next To My Ear And Says, ‘you Look Good, Tris.’… I Laugh. ‘do Me A Favor And Stay Away From The Chasm, Okay?’ ‘of Course.’ He Winks At Me.

Feel Tobias Brushing My Hair Back Before The First Simulation. I Hear Him Telling Me To Be Brave. I Hear My Mother Telling Me To Be Brave(...) I Am Brave.

I Cross My Arms. "it Was A Two Minute Conversation." "i Don't Think A Smaller Time Frame Makes It Less Unwise." He Furrows His Eyebrows And Touches The Corner Of My Bruised Eye With His Fingertips. My Head Jerks Back, But He Doesn't Take His Hand Away. Instead He Sighs. "you Know, If You Could Just Learn To Attack First, You Might Do Better." "attack First?" I Say. "how Will That Help?" "you're Fast. If You Can Get A Few Good Hits In Before They Know What's Going On, You Could Win." He Shrugs, And His Hand Falls.

I See Love Developing From Friendship. Common Ground Is A Strong Basis For Friendship. My Husband Is My Best Friend And We Have A Lot In Common Even Though We're Admittedly Different People. I Think It Evolves From How I See Relationships Working. You Know, The Opposites Attract Thing Happens All The Time, But So Does The Best Friends Thing. It's Just A Great Kind Of Relationship In Fiction.

The Division Is Based On Knowledge, Based On Qualifications - But As I Learned From The Factionless, A System That Relies On A Group Of Uneducated People To Do Its Dirty Work Without Giving Them A Way To Rise Is Hardly Fair.

The Only Reason I Haven't Shot You Yet Is Because He's The One Who Should Get To Do It," I Say. "stay Away From Him Or I'll Decide I No Longer Care.

Sometimes Crying Or Laughing Are The Only Options Left, And Laughing Feels Better Right Now.

It's Not About Being Fearless, It's About Acting In Spite Of Fear

I Look Older. Maybe It's The Short Hair Or Maybe It's Just That I Wear All That Has Happened Like A Mask. Either Way, I Always Thought I Would Be Happy When I Stopped Looking Like A Child. But All I Feel Is A Lump In My Throat. I Am No Longer The Daughter My Parents Knew. They Will Never Know Me As I Am Now.

Yes," I Say. "three Of These Flying Birds." I Touch My Collarbone, Marking The Path Of Their Flight - Toward My Heart. One For Each Member Of The Family I Left Behind.

Since I Was Young, I Have Always Known This: Life Damages Us, Every One. We Can’t Escape That Damage. But Now, I Am Also Learning This: We Can Be Mended. We Mend Each Other.

Dead People Can Be Our Heroes Because They Can't Disappoint Us Later; They Only Improve Over Time, As We Forget More And More About Them.

What Good Is A Prepared Body If You Have A Scattered Mind?

Well, I Already Know What Happened To My Face", I Say. "i Was There. Sort Of

He Bends Over To Untie His Shoes. “so, Have You Been Ostracized From Your Little Crowd Of Devotees?” “no,” I Say Automatically. Then I Add, “maybe. But They Aren’t My Devotees.” “please. They’re Like The Cult Of Four.” I Can’t Help But Laugh. “jealous? Wish You Had A Cult Of Psychopaths To Call Your Very Own?

If Eric Thinks I Did Something Right, I Must Have Done It Wrong.

I Notice, However, That Peter Only Pretends To Inject Himself—when He Presses The Plunger Down, The Fluid Runs Down His Throat, And He Wipes It Casually With A Sleeve. I Wonder What It Feels Like To Volunteer To Forget Everything.

Forget Everything

How Is It I Know This Little About The Boy Who Says He Loves Me-

I'm Surprised You Know That," I Say Quietly, " Since You Left Halfway Through My One And Only Fight." "it Wasn't Something I Wanted To Watch." He Says. What's That Supposed To Mean?

If Utopian Fiction Became The New Trend, I Wouldn't Read It.

I Belong To The People I Love, And They Belong To Me--they, And The Love And Loyaty I Give Them, Form My Identity Far More Than Any Word Or Group Ever Could.

Peace Is Restrained; This Is Free.

A Breeze Blows Through The Alley, Pushing Me To One Side, And I Think Of Scaling The Ferris Wheel With Tobias. He Kept Me Steady Then. There Is No One Left To Keep Me Steady Now.

She Taught Me All About Real Sacrifice. That It Should Be Done From Love, Not Misplace Disgust For Another Person's Genetics.

I Take A Deep Breath. I'm Not Sure Where That Swell Of Desperation Came From, But Know That I've Acknowledge It, It's Impossible To Ignore, Like A Living Thing Has Awakened From A Long Sleep Inside Me. It Writhes In My Stomach And Throat. I Need To Leave. I Need The Truth.

I Wipe My Face With My Sleeve, Laughing So Hard My Stomach Hurts. If My Entire Life Is Like This, Loud Laughter And Bold Action And The Kind Of Exhaustion You Feel After A Hard But Satisfying Day, I Will Be Content.

Laughing So Hard

Peter: Where Are You Two Going? Tris: Why Aren't You With Your Attack Group Eating Dinner? Peter: I Don't Have One. I'm Injured. Christina: Yeah Right, You Are! Peter: Well, I Don't Want To Go To Battle With A Bunch Of Factionless. So I'm Going To Stay Here. Christina: Like A Coward. Let Everyone Else Clean Up The Mess For You. Peter: Yep! Have Fun Dying.

I Hold The Gun Out From My Body, My Arms Straight, Just As Four Taught Me, When That Was His Only Name. I Used A Gun Like This To Defend My Father And Brother From Simulation-bound Dauntless. I Used It To Stop Eric From Shooting Tobias In The Head. It Is Not Inherently Evil. It Is Just A Tool.

You're Not Very Nice," I Say, Grinning. "you're One To Talk." "hey, I Could Be Nice If I Tried." "hmm." He Taps His Chin. "say Something Nice, Then." "you're Very Good-looking." He Smiles, His Teeth A Flash In This Dark. "i Like This 'nice' Thing.

You Sadistic Pansycake.

I Never Thought I Would Need Bravery In The Small Moments Of My Life. I Do.

All I Can Do Is Stand Still- I Feel Like If I Just Stand Still, I Can Stop It From Being True, I Can Pretend That Everything Is All Right.

When I Look At The Abnegation Lifestyle As An Outsider, I Think It’s Beautiful. When I Watch My Family Move In Harmony; When We Go To Dinner Parties And Everyone Cleans Together Afterward Without Having To Be Asked; When I See Caleb Help Strangers Carry Their Groceries, I Fall In Love With This Life All Over Again.

Falling In Love

I Don’t Know What World You Live In, But In Mine, People Only Do Things For You For One Of Two Reasons. The First Is If They Want Something In Return. And The Second Is If They Feel Like They Owe You Something.

I Want To Cry Because Something Terrible Happened, And I Saw It, And I Could Not See A Way To Mend It.

The Serum Wears Off Five Hours Later, When The Sun Is Just Beginning To Set. Tobias Shut Me In My Room For The Rest Of The Day, Checking On Me Every Hour. This Time When He Comes In, I Am Sitting On The Bed, Glaring At The Wall. “thank God,” He Says, Pressing His Forehead To The Door. “i Was Beginning To Think It Would Never Wear Off And I Would Have To Leave You Here To … Smell Flowers, Or Whatever You Wanted To Do While You Were On That Stuff.

Everyone Has To Blame Something For The Way The World Is.

Half Of Bravery Is Perspective.

'divergent' Was My Utopian World. I Mean, That Wasn't The Plan. I Never Even Set Out To Write Dystopian Fiction, That's Just What I Had When I Was Finished. At The Beginning, I Was Just Writing About A Place I Found Interesting And A Character With A Compelling Story, And As I Began To Build The World, I Realized That It Was My Utopia.

Sometimes It Isn't Fighting That's Brave, Its Facing The Death You Know Is Coming.

It Seems Like The Rebellions Never Stop, In The City, In The Compound, Anywhere. There Are Just Breaths Between Them, And Foolishly, We Call Those Breaths “peace".

Becoming Fearless Isn't The Point. That's Impossible. It's Learning How To Control Your Fear, And How To Be Free From It.

One Choice One Choice, Decided Your Friends. One Choice, Defines Your Beliefs. One Choice, Determines Your Loyalties - Forever. Once Choice Can Transform You

May The Peace Of God Be With You," She Says, Her Voice Low, "even In The Midst Of Trouble." "why Would It?" I Say Softly, So No One Else Can Hear. "after All I've Done..." "it Isn't About You," She Says. "it Is A Gift. You Cannot Earn It, Or It Ceases To Be A Gift.

It Is Amazing How Pretending To Be In A Different Faction Changes Everything -- Even The Way I Walk. That Must Be Why It's So Strange That I Could Easily Belong In Three Of Them.

We May Both Be Bad, But There’s A Huge Difference Between Us—i’m Not Content With Being This Way.

That’s One Way Of Looking At It. I Prefer To Look At It Another Way—which Is That If They Are Persistent Enough, Even Tiny Drops Of Water, Over Time, Can Change The Rock Forever. And It Will Never Change Back.

The Shouts Of Triumph Become Infectious, And I Lift My Voice To Join In, Running Toward My Teammates. Christina Holds The Flag Up High, And Everyone Clusters Around Her, Grabbing Her Arm To Lift The Flag Even Higher. I Can't Reach Her, So I Stand Off To The Side, Grinning. A Hand Touches My Shoulder. "well Done," Four Says Quietly.

This Concept Could Easily Have Gone Awry. Stories About Love Tend To Go That Way Sometimes. They Wander Into The Realm Of Cheese And Never Return, Which I Think Is A Shame, Because There Is A Way To Write About Romantic Love Without Breaking Out The Velveeta.

How Have I Never Realized Before That For All The Strong, Kind Parts Of Him, There Are Also Hurting, Broken Parts?

How Strange That Something So Simple Could Have Been Instrumental In My Decision To Ruin One Of My Most Relationships And Friendships, And Damage Another.

You Were Afraid Of Shooting People?" "no," I Say. "i Was Afraid Of My Considerable Capacity To Kill." How Many Young Men Fear That There Is A Monster Inside Of Them?

Psyche You Out?" I Repeat. "i'm Your Friend. I Wouldn't Do That." He Doesn't Say Anything. I Can Tell He Doesn't Believe Me-not Quite.

The Theory Is That If You Spill All Your Secrets, You'll Have No Desire To Lie About Anything, Ever Again. Like The Worst About You Is Already In The Open, So Why Not Just Be Honest?

I Think I Speak For Everyone," He Says, "when I Say You Have Earned The Title Of Dauntless".

When You're A Teenager, Everything Seems Like The End Of The World, And I Don't Think That's Necessarily A Silly Thing. You're Waking Up And Becoming Aware That The World Has Problems And Those Problems Affect You, Whereas When You're Young They Don't Seem To Affect You That Much Even If You're Aware Of Them. This Dystopian Trend Picks Up On That Little Part Of Your Life Where Everything Feels Really Extreme And It Honors That Part Of Your Life And Says, "yeah. It Is The End Of The World. Look At It."

I'm Not Dauntless - I'm Divergent. I Am Whatever I Choose To Be.

In Our Factions, We Find Meaning, We Find Purpose, We Find Life.

I Kiss Him As The Train Slides Into Unlit, Uncertain Land. I Kiss Him For As Long As I Want, For Longer Than I Should, Given That My Brother Sits Three Feet Away From Me.

I Also Wanted To Ask You If We Can Talk To The Erudite You're Keeping Safe Here," I Say. "i Know They're Hidden, But I Need Access To Them." "and What Do You Intend To Do?" She Says. "shoot Them," I Say, Rolling My Eyes. "that Isn't Funny.

People, Even Genetically Damaged People, Make Choices. That’s What Matters.’

About When To Let Others Sacrifice Themselves For You, Even If Its Selfish. They Say That If The Sacrifice Is The Ultimate Way For That Person To Show You That They Love You, Let Them Do It.

I Think About Pressing Myself Against Him, But I Can't, Because All Our Secrets Would Keep A Space Between Us.

Human Reason Can Excuse Any Evil; That Is Why It's So Important That We Don't Rely On It.

Then His Eyes Focus On Something Over My Shoulder, And He Starts Walking. I Turn To See Uriah Jogging From The Elevator Bank. He Is Grinning. “heard A Rumor You Were A Dirty Traitor,” Uriah Says. “yeah, Whatever,” Says Zeke. They Collide In An Embrace That Looks Almost Painful To Me, Slapping Each Other’s Backs And Laughing With Their Fists Clasped Between Them.

You Know, Most Boys Would Enjoy Being Trapped In Close Quarters With A Girl." I Roll My Eyes. "not Claustrophobic People, Tris.

I Imagine The Wave Of Water Colliding With The Rock And Spilling Over The Tile Floor, Collecting Around My Shoes. Doing A Little At Once Can Fix Something, Eventually, But I Feel Like When You Believe That Something Is Truly A Problem, You Throw Everything You Have At It, Because You Just Can’t Help Yourself.

I Feel Like Myself, Strong And Weak At Once - Allowed, At Least For A Little While, To Be Both.

Yes," She Says, Her Eyes Bright With Tears. "my Dear Child, You've Done So Well.

For Me, It Feels Like Driving From Truth Into A Lie, From Adulthood To Childhoold. I Watch The Land Of Pavement And Glass And Metal Turn Into An Empty Field. The Snow Is Falling Softly Now, And I Can Faintly See The City's Skyline Up Ahead, The Buildings Just A Shade Darker Than The Clouds.

He Should Be The One To Die, Part Of Me Thinks. I Don't Want To Lose Him, Another Part Argues. I Don't Know Which Part To Believe.

She Taught Me All About Real Sacrifice. That It Should Be Done From Love... That It Should Be Done From Necessity, Not Without Exhausting All Other Options. That It Should Be Done For People Who Need Your Strength Because They Don't Have Enough Of Their Own.

I Frown At Him. How Does He Know All This Information? And Why, After Two Years Of Avoiding Becoming A Dauntless Leader At All Costs, Is He Suddenly Acting Like One?

Because Life Is Not Fair, Albert. And The World Is Conspiring Against You.

I'm Going To Stop A Revolution,'' I Say. I Turn Right, And Peter Follows Me.

But I Understand Now What Tori Said About Her Tattoo Representing A Fear She Overcame-a Reminder Of Where She Was, As Well As A Reminder Of Who She Is Now. Maybe There Is A Way To Honor My Old Life As I Embrace My New One. "yes," I Say. "three Of These Flying Birds." I Touch My Collarbone, Marking The Path Of Their Flight-toward My Heart. One For Each Member Of The Family I Left Behind.

I Always Appreciate People's Opinions, But Sometimes I Have To Take A Step Back And Remember Why I'm Writing And What I Want To Do With It. Shutting Out The Voices Is Difficult But It's Been Good For Me.

Before She Got Here Everything Had Stalled Inside Me, And Every Morning I Was Just Moving Toward Nighttime.

I Suppose Everything Is Bound To Look Different When You Aren't On Your Way To Die.

Did You Ever Meet Someone Named Caleb?" I Say. 'caleb," Fernando Says. "yes, There Was A Caleb In My Initiate Class. Brilliant, But He Was... What's The Colloquial Term For It? A Suck-up." He Smirks.

Before I Chose Dauntless...i Felt Assured Of My Long Lifespan, If Nothing Else. Now There Are No Reassurances Except That Where I Go, I Go Because I Choose To.

His Fingers Leave Streaks Of Cold On My Skin, Invisible To The Eye, And I Think About Wrapping His Shirt Around My Fist And Pulling Him In To Kiss Me; I Think About Pressing Myself Against Him, But I Can't, Because All Our Secrets Would Keep A Space Between Us.

"what Did You Do?” This Time The Question Tears From My Throat Like A Growl. I Throw Myself Toward Him. “what Did You Do?” I Scream. “you Die, I Die Too. I Asked You Not To Do This. You Made Your Decision. These Are The Repercussions."

Eric Called Al's Suicide Brave, And He Was Wrong. My Mother's Death Was Brave. I Remember How Calm She Was, How Determined. It Isn't Just Brave That She Died For Me; It Is Brave That She Did It Without Announcing It, Without Hesitation, And Without Appearing To Consider Another Option.

I Feel Like Someone Breathed New Air Into My Lungs. I Am Not Abnegation. I Am Not Dauntless. I Am Divergent.

I Don't Want To Stop You. I Want You To Stop Yourself.

I Am Wearing A Gray Shirt, Blue Jeans, Black Shoes--new Clothes, But Beneath Them, My Dauntless Tattoos. It Is Impossible To Erase My Choices. Especially These.

Why Do You Say Vague Things If You Don't Want To Be Asked About Them?

I Try To Catch My Breath And Calm Myself Down, But It Isn't Easy. I Was Dead. I Was Dead, And Then I Wasn't, And Why? Because Of Peter? Peter? I Stare At Him. He Still Looks So Innocent, Despite All That He Has Done To Prove That He Is Not. His Hair Lies Smooth Against His Head, Shiny And Dark, Like We Didn't Just Run For A Mile At Full Speed. His Round Eyes Scan The Stairwell And Then Rest On My Face. "what?" He Says. "why Are You Looking At Me Like That?" " How Did You Do It?" I Say.

Nothing Else Is All Right.” His Whisper Tickles My Cheek. “but We Are.

Or You Can Stay Frigid," Says Will, His Green Eyes Glinting With Mischief. "you Know. If You Want." Christina Throws A Roll At Him. He Catches It And Bites It. "don't Be Mean To Her," She Says. "frigidity Is In Her Nature. Sort Of Like Being A Know-it-all Is In Yours." "i Am Not Frigid!" I Exclaim. "don't Worry About It," Says Will. It's Endearing. Look You're All Red.

This Was The First Place I Everfelt Strong. Every Time I Breathe This Air I Feel It Again.

His Hand Touches My Waist, Steadies Me. The Touch Sends A Shock Through My Body, And All My Insides Burn Like His Fingers Ignited Them. I Pull Close To Him, Pressing My Body Against His, And Lift My Head To Kiss Him.

You May Have Succeeded In Shutting Down The Attack Simulation, Girl, But It Was By Luck Alone, Not Skill. I Would Die Of Shock If You Managed To Do Anything Useful Again For A Long Time" This Is The Marcus That Tobias Knows. The One Who Knows Right Where To Hit To Cause The Most Damage.

Knowledge Is Power. Power To Do Evil...or Power To Do Good. Power Itself Is Not Evil. So Knowledge Itself Is Not Evil.

Knowledge And Power

Knowledge Is Power

The Goal Of My Life Isn't Just... To Be Happy. 'wouldn't It Be Easier If It Was, Though?

It Will Be Difficult To Break The Habits Of Thinking Abnegation Instilled In Me, Like Tugging A Single Thread From A Complex Work Of Embroidery. But I Will Find New Habits, New Thoughts, New Rules. I Will Become Something Else.

I Point At A Window To My Left, And It Explodes. Particles Of Glass Rain Over Us. ‘you’ll Have To Do Better Than That,' I Say.

Desperation Can Make A Person Do Surprising Things.

Don’t Worry About Me Handling The Pain," I Say. "i’ve Had A Lot Of Practice.

He Is Strong, And Lithe, And Certain. And He Is Mine.

You Are Holding A Loaded Gun, You Idiot. Act Like It.

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Barbara Cartland

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