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You Said Your Mom Is The Goddess Of Balance," I Reminded Him. "the Minor Gods Deserve Better, Ethan, But Total Destruction Isn't Balance. Kronos Doesn't Build. He Only Destroys.

-Rick Riordan

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You Said Your Mom

Rick Riordan

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You Said Your Mom Is The Goddess Of Balance," I Reminded Him. "the Minor Gods Deserve Better, Ethan, But Total Destruction Isn't Balance. Kronos Doesn't Build. He Only Destroys.

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Warning: The Following Is A Transcript Of A Digital Recording. In Certain Places, The Audio Quality Was Poor, So Some Words And Phrases Represent The Author's Best Guesses. Where Possible, Illustrations Of Important Symbols Mentioned In The Recording Have Been Added. Background Noises Such As Scuffling, Hitting, And Cursing By The Two Speakers Have Not Been Transcribed The Author Makes No Claims For The Authenticity Of The Recording. It Seems Impossible That The Two Young Narrators Are Telling The Truth, But You, The Reader, Must Decide For Yourself.

Background Noise

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You'd Think He'd Ran Out Off Rocks," I Muttered

I Gave Her My Deluxe I'll-kill-you-later Stare.

Sugar And Caffeine. My Willpower Crumbled.

You..." The Centaur's Eyes Flared Like A Cornered Animal's. "you Should Be Dead.

Tell Me When It's Over " Thalia Said. Her Eyes Were Shut Tight. The Statue Was Holding On To Us So We Couldn't Fall But Still Thalia Clutched His Arm Like It Was The Most Important Thing In The World. "everything's Fine " I Promised. "are... Are We Very High " I Looked Down. Below Us A Range Of Snowy Mountains Zipped By. I Stretched Out My Foot And Kicked Snow Off One Of The Peaks. "nah " I Said. "not That High.

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Wouldn't That Put A Twist In Your Toga?

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Stand Your Ground

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The Most Dangerous Flaws Are Those Which Are Good In Moderation," She Said. "evil Is Easy To Fight. Lack Of Wisdom… That Is Very Hard Indeed.

Now, Come Over Here So I Can Pat You Down." "but You Don't Have-" Percy Stopped. "uh, Sure." He Stood Next To The Armless Statue. Terminus Conducted A Rigorous Mental Pat Down. "you Seem To Be Clean," Terminus Decided. "do You Have Anything To Declare?" "yes," Percy Said. "i Declare That This Is Stupid.

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No," Frank Said. "i'm Only A Centurion." Jason Cursed In Latin. "he Means He Can't Control A Whole Legion. He's Not Of High Enough Rank." Nico Swung Back His Black Sword At Another Gryphon. "well, Then, Promote Him!

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With Great Power... Comes Great Need To Take A Nap. Wake Me Up Later.

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Felix Believed That The Answer To Every Problem Involved Penguins; But It Wasn't Fair To Birds, And I Was Getting Tired Of Teleporting Them Back Home. Somewhere In Antarctica, A Whole Flock Of Magellanic Penguins Were Undergoing Psychotherapy.

I Will Feast On Enemies Of Ra Until My Belly Is Full!” “charming,” Sadie Whispered.

My Brother Broke Into A Toothy Grin. "yay! Your Brain Works!

I Started To Walk Away, But She [clarisse] Called Out, "percy?" "yeah?" "when You, Uh, Had That Vision About Your Friends..." "you Were One Of Them," I Promised, "just Don't Tell Anybody, Okay? Or I'de Have To Kill You." A Faint Smile Flickered Across Her Face "see You Later." "see You

Vulcan?" Leo Demanded. "i Don't Even Like Star Trek!

That's Great. Except For The Fact That It's Completely Unimportant.

I Hadn't Seen My Dad Get Violent Since The Great Spatula Incident, And I Wasn't Anxious To See A Repeat Of That.

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George Unhinged His Jaw And Coughed Up A Little Plastic Bottle Filled With Chewable Vitamins. "you're Kidding," I Said. "are Those Minotaur-shaped?" Hermes Picked Up The Bottle And Rattled It. "the Lemon Ones, Yes. The Grape Ones Are Furies, I Think. Or Are They Hydras? At Any Rate, These Are Potent."

Something Inside Me Clicked, Like An Engine Shifting Into Higher Gear. My Thinking Suddenly Became Faster And Clearer. The Anger And Fear Didn't Go Away, But I Realized They Weren't Important. They Weren't Going To Help Me.

Nico Di Angelo Came Into Olympus To A Hero's Welcome, His Father Right Behind Him, Despite The Fact That Hades Was Only Supposed To Visit Olympus In Winter Solstice. The God Of The Dead Looked Stunned When His Relatives Clapped Him On The Back. I Doubt He'd Ever Got Such An Enthusiastic Welcome Before.

Dealing With Any Man Means Dealing With Multiple Personalities.

Does Truth Have A Moral?

Hazel Frowned. "why That One?" "you Don't See The Ghost?" Frank Asked. "ghost?" Nico Asked. Okay... If Frank Was Seeing A Ghost That The Underworld Kids Couldn't See, Something Was Definitely Wrong.

Just Curious How Much I'm Going For These Days," Leo Said. "i Mean, I Can Understand Not Being As Pricey As Percy Or Jason, Maybe...but Am I Worth, Like, Two Franks, Or Three Franks?

If You've Seen A Crab's Mouth, All Foamy And Gross With Whiskers And Snapping Bits, You Can Imagine This One Didn't Look Any Better Blown Up To Billboard Size.

Oh, God,” I Said. “sorry, Sorry. Do I Die Now?” --sadie To Zia

All Invincible And Stuff

Met Them. Killed Them. Got The T-shirt.

Hades Raised An Eyebrow. When He Sat Forward In His Throne, Shadowy Faces Appeared In The Folds Of His Black Robes, Faces Of Torment,as If The Garment Was Stitched Of Trapped Souls From The Fields Of Punishment, Trying To Get Out. The Adhd Part Of Me Wondered, Off-task, Whether The Rest Of His Clothes Were Made The Same Way. What Horrible Things Would You Have To Do In Your Life To Get Woven Into Hades' Underwear?

He Was Slumped Over, Blood Trickling From The Side Of His Mouth. I Shook His Furry Hip, Thinking, No! Even If You Are Half Barnyard Animal, You're My Best Friend And I Don't Want You To Die!

Let Me Get This Straight. Your Table Ran Away Because You Polished It With Windex?

The Name Says It All. That's Where Dad (hades) Tries Out His New Punishment Ideas, But He Says The Traditional Ones Still Work Best: The Lava Flows, The Minefields Full Of Exploding Surprises, Burning At The Stake, Running Naked Through Cactus Patches... You Name It, We've Got It Here - Nico Di Angelo

Annabeth: Hey, Seaweed Brain. Percy: Will You Stop Calling Me That? Annabeth: You Know You Love It.

Frank Couldn't Breathe Underwater. But Where Was He? Percy Turned In A Full Circle. Nothing. Then He Glanced Up. Hovering Above Him Was A Giant Goldfish. Frank Had Turned -clothes, Backpack, And All- Into A Koi The Size Of A Teen-aged Boy. "dude." Percy Sent His Thoughts Through The Water, The Way He Spoke To Other Sea Creatures. "a Goldfish?" Frank's Voice Came Back To Him: "i Freaked. We Were Talking About Goldfish, So It Was On My Mind. Sue Me.

Was That Amazing?” She Demanded. “that Was Amazing,” I Agreed. It’s Hard To Pull Off A Romantic Kiss When You’re Both Drenched In Muck, But We Gave It Our Best Shot.

Grover Was Sniffing The Wind, Looking Nervous. He Fished Out His Acorns And Threw Them Into The Sand, Then Played His Pipes. They Rearranged Themselves In A Pattern That Made No Sense To Me, But Grover Looked Concerned. "that's Us," He Said. "those Five Nuts Right There." "which One Is Me?" I Asked. "the Little Deformed One," Zoe Suggested. "oh, Shut Up.

Percy Yelled. "what's Going- Gah! Shrimpzilla!

Until She Met The Exploding Statue, Annabeth Thought She Was Prepared For Anything.

To Business."tux Dude Extended His Hand. "i Am Prometheus." I Was Too Surprised To Shake."the Fire-stealer Guy?the Chained-to-the-rock-with-the-vultures Guy?" Prometheus Winced. He Touched The Scratches On His Face."please, Don't Mention The Vultures. But Yes, I Stole Fire From The Gods And Gave It To Your Ancestors. In Return, The Ever Merciful Zeus Had Me Chained To A Rock And Tortured For All Eternity.

Seriously, Who Has Monogrammed Pajamas?

The Images From The Book You Make In Your Head Are Always Going To Be The Best Images.

Somewhere Behind Me, Zia Yelled, "hippo!" Which I Thought Was A Little Late. ~carter Kane

Daddy Will Explain. Come, He Is Blowing Up Monsters.

Nico Leaned Over And Plucked A Grape. Probably That Was The Guy’s Entire Diet For The Day.

What’s The Best Part Of Being In Hermes Cabin? Connor: You Are Never Lonely. I Mean Seriously, New Kids Are Always Coming In. So You Always Have Someone To Talk To. Travis: Or Prank. Connor: Or Pickpocket. One Big Happy Family.

I Don't Deserve You." "you're Not Allowed To Say That." "why Not?" "it's A Breakup Line. Unless You're Breaking Up-" Jason Leaned Over And Kissed Her. The Colors Of The Roman Afternoon Suddenly Seemed Sharper, As It The World Had Switched To High Definition. "no Breakups," He Promised. "i May Have Busted My Head A Few Times, But I'm Not That Stupid.

My Name Is Percy Jackson. I'm Twelve Years Old. Until A Few Months Ago, I Was A Boarding Student At Yancy Academy, A Private School For Troubled Kids In Upstate New York. Am I A Troubled Kid? Yeah. You Could Say That.

I Couldn't Believe I'd Come This Far, Lost Tyson, Suffered Through So Much, Only To Fail - Stopped By A Big Stupid Monster In A Baby-blue Tuxedo Kilt. Nobody Was Going To Swat Down My Friends Like That! I Mean... Nobody, Not Nobody. Ah, You Know What I Mean.

"cool" Leo Said. "i Always Wanted A Sister Who Could Beat Me Up."

That's It, Cupcake. You're Going Down.

You Will Not Believe Me, But I Am Proud Of Your Strength. Sometimes. . . Sometimes The Only Way I Can Care For My Children Is To Keep My Distance.

My Sword Reappeared In My Pocket. Yeah,great Timing.now I Could Attack The Walls All I Wanted.my Cell Had No Bar,no Window,not Even A Door

Apollo?” I Guessed… He Put A Finger To His Lips. “i’m Incognito. Call Me Fred.” A God Named Fred?

But Remember, Boy, That A Kind Act Can Sometimes Be As Powerful As A Sword. As A Mortal, I Was Never A Great Fighter Or Athlete Or Poet. I Only Made Wine. The People In My Village Laughed At Me. They Said I Would Never Amount To Anything. Look At Me Now. Sometimes Small Things Can Become Very Large Indeed.

I Smiled At The Giant. “actually, Cacus, I Have Another Secret Weapon.” The Giant’s Eyes Lit Up With Greed. “another Weapon? I Will Steal It! I Will Copy It And Sell The Knockoffs For A Profit! What Is This Secret Weapon?” “her Name Is Annabeth,” I Said. “and She’s One Of A Kind.

They Would Find This House Of Hades. They'd Take The Doors Of Death. And By The Gods, If Leo Had To Design A Grabber Arm Long Enough To Snatch Percy And Annabeth Out Of Tartarus, Then That's What He Would Do. Nemesis Wanted Him To Wreak Vengeance On Gaea? Leo Would Be Happy To Oblige. He Was Going To Make Gaea Sorry She Had Ever Messed With Leo Valdez. "yeah." He Took One Last Look At The Cityscape Of Rome, Turning Bloodred In The Sunset. "festus, Raise The Sails. We've Got Some Friends To Save.

Writing Is Like A Sport. If You Don't Practice, You Don't Get Any Better.

His Lion And Hippo Legs Twitched. I Wondered If Netherworld Monsters Dreamed Of Chasing Rabbits.

Right,” I Said. “so The Baboon, The Crocodile…any Other Pets I Should Know About?” Amos Thought For A Moment. “visible Ones? No, I Think That’s It.

Once I Saw Desjardins’ House, I Hated Him Even More. It Was A Huge Mansion On The Other Side Of The Tuileries, On The Rue Des Pyramids. “pyramids Road?” Sadie Said. “obvious, Much?” “maybe He Couldn’t Find A Place On Stupid Evil Magician Street,” I Suggested.

I Concentrated Hard And Snapped My Fingers. "you Don't See The Sword," I Told The Girl. "it's Just A Ballpoint Pen." She Blinked. "um . . . No. It's A Sword, Weirdo.

The Demigods Have Left For Alaska," Stheno Said. "they Fly Straight To Their Death. Ah, Small "d" Death, I Mean. Not Our Prisoner Death. Although, I Suppose They're Flying To Him Too.

Whenever Percy Stopped By To See [annabeth], She Was So Lost In Thought That The Conversation Went Something Like This: Percy: 'hey, How's It Going?' Annabeth: 'uh, No Thanks.' Percy: 'okay...have You Eaten Anything Today?' Annabeth: 'i Think Leo Is On Duty. Ask Him.' Percy: 'so, My Hair Is On Fire.' Annabeth: 'okay, In A While.

And In The Fountain Squatted A Giant Crab. I’m Not Talking ‘giant’ Like $7.99 All-you-can-eat Alaskan King Crab. I’m Talking ‘giant’ Like Bigger Than The Fountain.

Percy (to Annabeth): If I Was Going To Pick One Person In The World To Reattach My Head, I'd Pick You. Silena: Awww . . . Percy, That Is So Sweet! Annabeth: Shut Up, Silena.

My Only Thought Was To Keep Him Away From Annabeth.

Percy Jackson And The Olympians

I Will Deny I Ever Said This, Of Course, But The Gods Need Heroes. They Always Have. Otherwise We Would Not Keep You Annoying Little Brats Around." I Feel So Wanted. Thanks.

I've Found Peace Here At The Co-op. You Could Stay With Us, If You Want. Become A Roflcopter.

Son Of Poseidon? East Asked. I Nodded. Took A Dip In The Styx? Hudson Asked. Yep. They Made Digusted Sounds. Well That's Perfect East Said. Now How Do We Kille Him?

Getting Eaten By A Giant Crocodile Was Bad Enough. The Kid With The Glowing Sword Only Made My Day Worse.

Sorry,no Thanks,if I Was Going To Die It Could Wait Until Tomorrow Morning.

Now, You'll Have To Answer My Questions." "oh, Very Well," Set Said. "i Like Brazil For The World Cup. I'd Advise Investing In Platinum And Small-cap Funds. And Your Lucky Numbers This Week Are 2, 13--" "not Those Questions!" Menshikov Snapped.

Calm Down, Horus Said. "don't Tell Me To Calm Down!" Bast Frowned. "i Didn't." "talking To Him!" I Pointed At My Forehead.

And Now, Sis. Transportation For The Hunters, You Say? Good Timing. I Was Just About Ready To Roll." These Demigods Will Also Need A Ride," Artemis Said, Pointing To Us. "some Of Chiron's Campers." No Problem!" Apollo Checked Us Out. "let's See... Thalia, Right? I've Heard All About You.". Thalia Blushed. "hi, Lord Apollo." Zues's Girl. Yes? Makes You My Half Sister. Used To Be A Tree Didn't You? Glad Your Back. I Hate It When Pretty Girls Get Turned Into Trees. Man, I Remeber One Time-

Yeah! Bring It On, Lake!

Just Remember If We Get Caught, You're Deaf And I Don't Speak English.

Chiron, I Don't Think The Attic Is The Proper Place For Our New Oracle, Do You?" "no, Indeed." Chiron Looked A Lot Better Now That Apollo Had Worked Some Medical Magic On Him. "rachel May Use A Guest Room In The Big House For Now, Until We Give The Matter More Thought." "i'm Thinking A Cave In The Hills," Apollo Mused. "with Torches And A Big Purple Curtain Over The Entrance . . . Really Mysterious. But Inside, A Totally Decked-out Pad With A Game Room And One Of Those Home Theater Systems.

I Haven't Devoured A Soul In...what Month Is This? March?

There Is Always A Way Out For Those Clever Enough To Find It.

This Is Graceland. Home Of The Most Famous Musician In The World.” “michael Jackson Lived Here?” “no, Dummy,” Carter Said. “elvis Presley.

It Is," I Said. "and It's Not Even Difficult. But I Need Your Promise On The River Styx." "what?" Dionysus Cried. "you Don't Trust Us?" "someone Once Told Me," I Said, Looking At Hades, "you Should Always Get A Solemn Oath." Hades Shrugged. "guilty.

I’ll Leave You Guys To Get Acquainted. Somebody Show Leo To Dinner When It’s Time?” “i Got It,” One Of The Girls Said. Nyssa, Leo Remembered. She Wore Camo Pants, A Tank Top That Showed Off Her Buff Arms, And A Red Bandanna Over Her Mop Of Dark Hair. Except For The Smiley-face Band-aid On Her Chin, She Looked Like One Of Those Female Action Heroes, Like Any Second She Was Going To Grab A Machine Gun And Start Mowing Down Evil Aliens. “cool,” Leo Said. “i Always Wanted A Sister Who Could Beat Me Up.

I Don't Think About Being Famous, Really. Being An Author, I Don't Generally Get Stopped As I Walk Down The Street. It's Not Like Being A Movie Star.

You'd Think Getting Chopped Into A Million Pieces And Cast Into The Darkest Part Of The Underworld Would Give Him A Subtle Clue That Nobody Wanted Him Around.

I Held It Up, And Tried To Channel Happy Dog Thoughts Toward Cerberus- Alpo Commercials, Cute Little Puppies, Fire Hydrants.

See, Bad Things Happen To Me On Field Trips. Like At My Fifth-grade School, When We Went To The Saratoga Battlefield, I Had This Accident With A Revolutionary War Cannon. I Wasn't Aiming For The School Bus, But Of Course I Got Expelled Anyway. - Percy Jackson

Must’ve Been Hard On Your Mom,” Frank Said. “i Guess We’ll Do Anything For Someone We Love.” Hazel Squeezed His Hand Appreciatively. Nico Stared At The Cobblestones. “yeah,” He Said Bitterly. “i Guess We Will.

Listen, Frank Zhang Has Moves. He's Probably Gonna Turn Into A Kangaroo And Do Some Marsupial Jujitsu On Their Ugly Faces.

Frank Nodded Grimly. “well…any Goddess Who Throws A Ding Dong At A Giant Can’t Be All Bad. Let’s Go.

Frank Heard A Laugh Behind Him. He Glanced Back And Couldn't Believe What He Saw. Nico Di Angelo Was Actually Smiling. "that's More Like It," Nico Said. "let's Turn This Tide!

I'm Not Good With Children," The God Confessed. "or People. Well, Any Organic Life Forms, Really.

I'm Just A Kid, Chiron," I Said Miserably. "what Good Is One Lousy Hero Against Something Like Kronos?" Chiron Managed A Smile. '"what Good Is One Lousy Hero'? Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain Said Something Like That To Me Once, Just Before He Single-handedly Changed The Course Of Your Civil War.

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