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When I First Started Looking At Twitter, I Followed People Like Steve Martin, Who Will Just Write The Funniest Non Sequiturs Now And Then, Which I Thought Was Really Fun. That's Kind Of The Road I've Taken. Every Now And Then, Something Comes Into Your Mind And You Put It Out There. It's Very Innocuous. I Think It's Kind Of Fun.

-Steve Carell

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When I First Started

Steve Carell

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When I First Started Looking At Twitter, I Followed People Like Steve Martin, Who Will Just Write The Funniest Non Sequiturs Now And Then, Which I Thought Was Really Fun. That's Kind Of The Road I've Taken. Every Now And Then, Something Comes Into Your Mind And You Put It Out There. It's Very Innocuous. I Think It's Kind Of Fun.

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I Don't Feel That I Have To Control Every Aspect Of Things That I Appear In. You Learn A Lot Performing Someone Else's Writing.

I Tend Not To Be Someone Who's On All The Time, Or Is Always Trying To Make Other People Laugh.

If I'd Had A Great Level Of Success Early On, Who Knows How I Would Have Responded. I Might Have Been A Complete Jerk.

I Am Happily Married, And I Think I Was Lucky That Success Came A Little Later In My Life. It's Difficult To Handle All The Attention When You Are A Young Gun.

When You Do An Animated Movie - At Least The Ones That I've Been A Part Of - You Never See Any Of The Other Actors. It's All Done Separately With Headphones In A Voice Booth.

I Don't Know How Other People Perceive The Lives Of Actors, But My Life Is Fairly Ordinary. I Go To Work, I Come Home, I Put My Kids To Bed. If I'm Home In Time For Dinner, I Have Dinner, And Then It's Bedtime.

You Know, What's Funny To One Person Is Not At All To Someone Else.

They Love 3-d. It's Fun To Watch A Movie In 3-d With Your Children, Or With A Group Of Children, Because, From Time To Time, You See Little Hands Reaching Up To Grab Things That They Think Are Right There. It's Remarkable And It Does, Obviously, Add Another Dimension, Literally, To The Movie.

Even The Most Self-confident People, At One Point Of Their Lives, Felt Like Outsiders Or Felt Like They Weren't Being Heard Or Seen Or Witnessed In Some Way.

Is It True That If You Don’t Use It You Lose It?

Use It Or Lose It

Physical Therapist

Don't Underestimate Your Kids. Don't Be Condescending, Because They're Children But They're Not Stupid.

We Are All Facing The End One Day Or Another. I Say, Live A Good And Prosperous Life, Make Sure Your Choices Count, Make Them Count.

I Don't Even Know If I Have Kind Of A Personal, Like A Take Or A Mental Manual Of How I'm Raising Kids. It's Really - I Think With Everybody, It's Just Day-to-day And You Just Try To Deal With Every Situation As They Come.

You Know What Disneyland Is Known For? The Big Turkey Leg. People Walk Around With Enormous Deep-fried Turkey Legs. Like Little Kids, Three-year-old Kids Eating These Five-pound Turkey Legs.

It's Harder When People Are Playing Along, Because It's Just Not As Funny. They're Trying To Be Funny, And It Sort Of Cancels Out The Whole Joke.

You Project A Version Of Yourself To The Public To Protect And Insulate Yourself A Little Bit. Actors Come Up With A Version Of Themselves In Order To Protect The Real Person.

Divorce Is Fairly Common These Days, And I Think Many Times People Disregard The Emotional Impact That Divorce Has On A Couple And A Family, Because It Happens So Frequently.

High School – Those Are Your Prime Suffering Years. They Don’t Get Better Suffering Than That.

There's Very Little You Could Do To Prepare To Be A Correspondent On The Daily Show, Because It's Not Being A Journalist, It's Not Being An Actor. It Involves Elements Of Both Of Those Things, But They're Not Required Necessarily As Job Experience. It's Helpful If You Know How To Improvise, But Again, Not A Requirement.

My Parents Had A Certain Resolve To Them That I Don’t See As So Prevalent Today. Through Good Times And Bad, They Were Committed To One Another. Their Relationship Wasn’t Something To Be Constantly Examined Or Picked Apart.

How Did I End Up In Films With People Like Keira Knightley... All These Beautiful Leading Ladies And Me - It's Kind Of Shocking.

Goalies Almost Never Get Credit For Winning A Game, But They Always Get Blamed For Losing A Game.

Everybody Wants To Be A Bond Villain. That Is The Coolest. To Be Able To Portray A Bond Villain, That Is The Feather In Any Actor's Cap.

I Don't Think Of Myself As Funny - I Don't Fill Up A Room With My Humor... I Would Fail Miserably As A Stand-up Comedian.

I Wasn't A Class Clown, I Never Developed This Comedic Flair As A Kid. Even When I Decided To Become An Actor, It Was Just To Be An Actor, Not Necessarily A Comedic Actor. I Wasn't That Guy Who Struck Out With Women So He Became Really Funny, And That's When The Women Started To Like Him.

I Am A Patriot And I Want To See This Country [the Usa] Soar Again.

The Best Food Is In Chicago. There Are Great Restaurants Everywhere, From Fancy Places To Burger Joints.

Great Restaurants

I'm Not Unattractive, But I'm Not A Matinee Idol. I Think I Have A Very Non-threatening Look - I'm Fine, I'm Right In The Middle.

I Enjoy Having Breakfast In Bed. I Like Waking Up To The Smell Of Bacon, Sue Me. And Since I Don't Have A Butler, I Have To Do It Myself. So, Most Nights Before I Go To Bed, I Will Lay Six Strips Of Bacon Out On My George Foreman Grill. Then I Go To Sleep. When I Wake Up, I Plug In The Grill. I Go Back To Sleep Again. Then I Wake Up To The Smell Of Crackling Bacon. It Is Delicious, It's Good For Me, It's The Perfect Way To Start The Day.

Six-year-olds Are Very Wrapped Up In Their Own Lives, And That's The Way It Should Be.

I Had, Like, Two Goals In My Career: One Was To Try To Get Into 'second City.' When I Moved To Chicago, My Goal Was To Try To Work At 'second City.' And Beyond That, My Goal Was To Make Enough Money As An Actor To Not Do Anything Else But Act, Not Have To Go And Wait Tables Again.

The Better The Person You're With, The Better You're Going To Be Because They're Giving You So Much More.

[and On Going From Character To Leading Actor] I Don't Approach Anything Differently; I Just Approach It As A Character. I'm Always Astounded At The Fact That I've Ever Played A Leading Character In Anything [laughs]. And My Wife Concurs With That, Frankly. She Always Thought I Would Be, At Best, The Wacky Neighbor On A Sitcom, So This Is All Just A Surprise And A Joy.

For Me, At Least, All Of My Career Goals, All Of My Focus, Everything Just Shifted And The Importance Was My Children, And That's Where All The Joy Came From As Well.

Oh, I So Don't Care About The Podium At The Oscars. I've Stood At The Podium At The Oscars And That's Close Enough. To Be A Presenter Is As Close As I Need To Be.

I've Waited My Entire Life To Be Busy. Whenever I Hear Actors Complain About Being Busy, I Think, 'shut Up.' Because You Do, You Wait To Be Successful Or To Be Able To Work.

I Know I'm Not A Woman's Fantasy Man; I Don't Have To Uphold This Image Of Male Beauty, So That's Kind Of A Relief In A Way.

In My Role Of Agent For Miss Hathaway, I Would Like To Say That She Does Not Answer Questions Relating To This Subject.

I Always Feel So Pretentious Talking About Comedy And Deconstructing It. It Always Feels Somehow Self-centred To Talk About Any Sort Of Process.

People Generally Have Sex Fairly Young, And Probably Younger Than They Should Be Having It.

I Think When Someone Who's Known For Doing Drama Does A Comedy But Just Tries To Be Funny, That's A Mistake.

I Don't Text, I Don't Have A Blackberry. Literally, I Just Have A Cell Phone That I Haven't Programmed And The Whole Bluetooth. No. I Don't Even Have An Earpiece For My Cell Phone.

Relationships Shouldn't Be Disposable. If There's Something Worth Saving - Not Always The Case, Some Relationships Are Irreconcilable - But If There Is Something That You Determine Is Worth Saving, Then Try To Do That.

I Had A Lot Of Coaches Growing Up That Were Very Hard On The Kids In The Name Of Building Character, But It Could Have The Opposite Effect On Kids.

I Don't Ever Want To Take A Part In Order To Prove That I'm Capable Of Doing Something. It's All Based In Doing Stuff That's Interesting Or Working With People Who Would Be Fun To Work With.

I Remember My Wife Wanted Me To Go See 'contagion,' And I Was Like, 'oh My God, Why Would I Want To See That Movie?' I Mean, I'll Just Have Nightmares And It Will Freak Me Out. It Turned Out That I Really Enjoyed It; I Thought It Was Very Well Done.

I’m Listening To A Lot Of Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, And Rihanna. A Lot Of Pop Female Artists. I Have To Say I’m Pretty Well-versed In The Pop Female Category.

For My Wife And I, The Challenge Is To Not Make Every Day The Best Day Possible Because It's Not Realistic.

I Was Sort Of Traumatized By Girls In The Third Grade. Because There Was A Girl In My Third Grade Class I Had A Crush On. I Bought Her A Box Of Valentine's Day Chocolate. And I Put It In Her Cubby With A Note That Said Something Like, "i Am Deeply In Love With You, Your Secret Admirer." And I Didn't Sign My Name.

Anything Nice That's Said About Me Is Diametrically Opposed To Who I Am.

In My Wildest Dreams I Never Thought- Well, I Never Thought I'd Work

Whenever I Hear Someone Describe Something As A 'kids Movie' Or A 'family Movie,' It Immediately Has A Negative Connotation In My Mind Because I Think, 'well, As An Adult, I Wouldn't Go See It By Myself, Because It's Purely For Children And It Holds Nothing For Me And It's Simplistic And It's Kind Of Easy.'

In The United States, There Is A Restaurant Called The Outback Steakhouse, And I Could Survive In There For Several Weeks At Least, Sustaining Myself On Bloomin' Onions And, I'm Sure, Their Legitimate And Very Australian Cuisine. In The Real Outback? I Give Myself About 14 Minutes.

Children Are Very Smart, In Their Own Stupid Way. A Child's Brain Is Like A Sponge, And You Know How Smart Sponges Are.

'anchorman'... Is Not Grounded In Anything. There Is Absolutely No Heart To That Movie, Which I Love.

Whenever I'm Offered Something, I Always Read The Script And Meet The Director. I Still Appreciate Just Being Considered.

People Just Like To Be On Camera. There's A Huge Desire To Be In Front Of The Camera, And Once There, People Will Say And Do Almost Anything. It's Sort Of A Drug, And I Think People Get Addicted To It.

Your Brain, Like Your Tongue, Is A Muscle. Practicing Thinking By Yourself Really Helps Develop Your Brain, Which You Need Throughout Your Day. I Like To Practice My Thinking In A Darkened Room, Alone.

There's Plenty Of Room For All Sorts Of Movies And All Sorts Of Comedies, So I Never Saw That As A Competitive Thing. I Think There's Room In The Marketplace For Everything.

Yes. It Is True. I, Michael Scott, Am Signing Up With An Online Dating Service. Thousands Of People Have Done It, And I Am Going To Do It. I Need A Username, And I Have A Great One. 'little Kid Lover.' That Way People Will Know Exactly Where My Priorities Are At.

If Somebody Takes The Parking Place You Were Waiting For, I Tend To Kind Of Let It Roll Off My Back. Maybe I'm Harboring A Lot Of Something And It Will All Explode Somewhere Down The Road, But I Tend To Just Let It Slide Off My Back.

When You Approach It, And I Hate Sounding Like The Pretentious Actor, But Yeah, I Think You Have To Find Things Within The Character That Are Likeable, Or At Least Human, And Not To Go At It With Any Sort Of Predetermined Notions As To What That Character Is.

Well, It Might Have Been If I'd Had Success Earlier In Life, But Having Success That Much Later Meant I Was Far More Grounded When It Came. The Last Few Years Of My Life Have Just Been Surreal And After A Lifetime Of Disappointment And Heartache And Rejection, I Still Don't Believe This Is All Actually Happening. I'm Extremely Grateful For My Success - I Just Never Expect It To Last And My Motto, If I Have One, Is Just Put Your Head Down And Do The Job.

I Think Anyone Loves To Play A Character That Is Either Evil To A Certain Extent Or Has A Real Definable Character Flaw. Those Are Always Really Fun, And, I Think, Funny.

We Always Spend The Summer Together. My Wife And Kids, We Always Go Back To Massachusetts And Spend The Summer There Near Where My Wife And I Both Grew Up. I Wasn't Willing To Sacrifice The Summer To Go Elsewhere.

I'm A Fun Dad, But I Don't Know If I'm The Fun, Crazy Dad.

Reading A Book, Watching A Movie, Going To A Play, It's Transporting, And Very, Very Exciting. And To Be A Part Of That, Creating Things With Your Imagination, Whoa.

Creating Things

Because I Went From The Daily Show Where I Was A Fake News Guy On A Fake News Show To Bruce Almighty Where I Played A News Guy To Anchorman Where I Played A News Guy, Now I'm...yeah, I Tend To Gravitate Towards Suits.

Everyone Said To Vincent Van Gogh, "you Can't Be A Great Painter, You Only Have One Ear." And You Know What He Said? "i Can't Hear You".

I've Thought A Lot About Success, Because It's Very Strange To Me That I've Been Successful.

I Don't Like To Get Angry. It Doesn't Make Me Feel Good. It Is Very Human, But It's Also A Loss Of Control, And I Like To Have That Kind Of Control.

Everybody Should Be Normal. Everybody Should Be Nice. I Think They Go Hand In Hand, And That To Me Is The Default Setting.

If We Were Meant To Read For Enjoyment, Would God Have Created Television? Read As It Was Intended - For Exercise. The More You Read, The More You Expand Your - What's The Word I'm Looking For? - Your Stockpile Of Words. You Must Have A Stockpile Of Words That You Can Pass Along To Your Children For Their Stockpile.

I Don't Think My Kids Have To Worry Too Much About Me Embarrassing Them Because That's Not How I Would Want To Grow Up, With Wacky Dad Showing Up At School And Performing For Everyone.

Sending A Handwritten Letter Is Becoming Such An Anomaly. It's Disappearing. My Mom Is The Only One Who Still Writes Me Letters. And There's Something Visceral About Opening A Letter - I See Her On The Page. I See Her In Her Handwriting.

Everyone Always Wants New Things. Everybody Likes New Inventions, New Technology. People Will Never Be Replaced By Machines. In The End, Life And Business Are About Human Connections. And Computers Are About Trying To Murder You In A Lake. And To Me The Choice Is Easy.

I Am Both A Night Owl And An Early Bird. So I Am Wise And I Have Worms.

I Don't Think Something Necessarily Has To Be Mean Or Cynical To Represent 'edgy.' I Think 'edgy' Can Mean A Lot Of Different Things.

Well, On A Personal Level, I Would Never Want To Take On A Character Who Didn’t Have Some Redeemable Qualities. Even The Worst Of People, Such As Michael Scott In The Office [carell’s Character In The Us Version Of The Ricky Gervais Sitcom], Have Some Decent Human Qualities That You Can Latch Onto.

I’m Not Good With Pickup Lines Or Flirting. I Don’t Have That Kind Of Self-confidence Or Natural Charisma.

Self Confidence

Being A Leading Man... That's Like Saying I Want To Be Astronaut. That's Not Going To Happen.

I'll Do Whatever I Can Do To Remain Employed. I'm Just Not Precious About Doing Comedy Or Doing Drama. I Never Want To Do Something In Order To Prove To Other People What I Can Do.

I've Always Enjoyed Watching Characters That Aren't Aware That They're Doing Anything Funny. And I Think That Inherently Makes Them Funnier.

I Am Always The Type Of Person Who Is Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop And For It To Peter Out And End. And If It Does That's Fine.

People Say, 'what's The Secret To A Marriage?' There's No Secret - I Think You Get Lucky.

I Ate Fiberglass Insulation. It Wasn’t Cotton Candy Like The Guy Said… My Tummy Itches.

I Joined An Improv Group In College, Which Was A Lot Of Fun. After I Graduated, I Moved To Chicago To Try To Get Into The Second City.

Nothing To Me Feels As Good As Laughing Incredibly Hard.

Steve Buscemi Is Hilarious. He's Really, Really Good With Improv.

Do Not To Be As Shy Around Girls, Because They're Probably Just As Shy And Just As Scared As You Are.

It's A Very Familiar Type Of Place Where People Either Go To Their House On The Lake Or They Get Together In Different Places. This Was A Normal, Relatable Place That I Think A Lot Of People Have In Their Childhood.

I Can Get Lazy. I Don't Think I'm A Very Driven Person. When I Have Work, I Work Very Hard. But When I Don't Work, I Really Don't Do Anything. I Could Easily Just Fade Away.

I Would Like For My Kids To At Least Have Some Familiarity With Who I Am: "it's The Man From Tv!"

Do I Want To Be Feared Or Loved? That's A Good Question. I Want Both. I Want People To Be Afraid Of How Much They Love Me.

Wikipedia Is The Best Thing Ever. Anyone In The World Can Write Anything They Want About Any Subject. So You Know You Are Getting The Best Possible Information.

The Only Time I Set The Bar Low Is For Limbo.

Whenever You See People Talking About How Real They Are Or How Normal They Are, It Seems Odd To Have That Self Awareness That You Could Potentially Not Be Normal.

There's Such A Freewheeling Nature To 'second City,' And The Greatest Thing About 'second City' Was Having A Sophisticated Audience Night After Night Who Appreciated What It Was. They Knew It Wasn't All Going To Be Great When You Improvised, So They Were Very Forgiving That Way.

I'd Love To Do Broadway Some Day. Before I Started Doing Television I Was Just A Primarily A Stage Actor, But I Haven't Done It In A While.

From Cheesecake On A Stick To Meat Skewers To Deep-fried Bananas On A Stick - There Are No Plates Anymore. In Los Angeles, Everything Has Become A Corn Dog. Actually, Corn Dogs Still Work. But Most Other Food Should Be Stickless.

I Find Things Funny That Aren't Self-aware. That Don't Know They're Funny, And I Think The Same Can Hold True For Drama. If You Think You're In This Tragedy And You Play It For Tragedy, There's A Self-awareness There That I Think Takes You Out Of Watching It And I Believe It Cuts Both Ways.

I Think Ultimately, When You Believe Somebody Is Going Through A Situation And It's Either Awkward Or Ridiculous, But You Believe It, That Can Be Funny.

An Office Is A Place To... Live Life To The Fullest. To The Max. To... An Office Is A Place Where Dreams Come True.

I Had A Friend Who, After 25 Years Of Marriage, Found Himself Trying To Date Again, And It Was Completely Different. Everything Had Changed, And He Had To Reacquaint Himself. It Was Funny Even Talking To Him About It. For Someone Who Has Been Out Of The Loop, It’s A Different World.

I Play The Baritone Horn - Which Is Like A Mini Tuba, And Is The Least Sexy Instrument You Can Choose And I Generally Say I Don’t Play One So I Don’t Have To Acknowledge It. I Also Play Fife.

It's Not A Master Plan To Do Every Remake And Every Recreation Of Icons. It's Just What I've Been Hired To Do.

I Look At Improvising As A Prolonged Game Of Chess. There's An Opening Gambit With Your Pawn In A Complex Game I Have With One Character, And Lots Of Side Games With Other Characters, And Another Game With Myself - And In Each Game You Make All These Tiny, Tiny Moves That Get You To The Endgame.

You Never Saw Peter Sellers The Actor Trying To Make You Laugh. All He Was Doing Was The Character. What I'm Saying Is That I Don't Think You Should Know You're In A Movie. I Don't Like It When Actors Are Winking At The Audience And Saying, 'right, Isn't This Funny? Are You With Me?'

Taste In Comedy, Like Fashion, Changes All The Time.

When Someone Is Good, But It Doesn't Seem Like Their World Will Collapse If They Don't Get The Part, It's More Appealing. It's Like Dating Someone: You Don't Want Someone Who's Too Into You.

I Don't Do Anything To Try To Change People's Perceptions Of Me. I Tend To Think That's Sort Of An Ego Driven Thing.

Instead Of Telling Our Young People To Plan Ahead, We Should Tell Them To Plan To Be Surprised.

Make Friends First, Make Sales Second, Make Love Third. In No Particular Order.

Talking To My Wife, We Stare At Each Other, Saying, 'how Is This Happening? Why Is This Happening? Why Now?' It's Nothing I Ever Aspired To.

My Wife Is Way Funnier Than I Am. As Much As I Don't Really Feel I Share A Sense Of Humour With My Family, I Definitely Share One With Her - We Find The Same Things Funny.

Everyone Is Flawed And Everyone Makes Mistakes And Is Culpable.

Making Mistakes

Everyone Makes Mistakes

Like Most People, I Have Painful Memories Of Trying To Fit In As A Child. I Wore, Said, And Did Pretty Much What Everyone Else Did.

You're So In Love With Your Children That You'd Do Anything For Them; That's Not Necessarily The Best Thing.

My Maternal Grandma Was A Tough, Tough Lady And A Stern Woman, Who Lost Her Husband Young And Raised Six Kids By Herself. She Lived In A Mining Community In Upstate New York And Ran A Boarding House For Miners. She Took Care Of An Entire Family And Miners Who Lived In The House As Well.

For The Better Part Of My Adult Life, I Proudly Avoided Nerd/nimrod/goober Status. I Was Always Just Cool Enough.

People Know Where Romantic Comedies Are Going. It's Not Brain Surgery To Figure Out The End Of A Romantic Comedy.

What Kind Of Person Would Have A Real Craving For Gummy Worms?

It's Interesting When You're Trying To Create A Character In Animation. It's Really A Communal Effort.

Once I Moved To Chicago And Started Trying To Get Acting Jobs, I Just Tended To Book More Things That Were Comedically Based Than Anything Else. I Never Had The Preconceived Notion, "i Will Be A Comedic Actor." I Just Thought, "i'll Go Into Acting And See What Kind Of Work I Can Get."

Some People Just Derive Great Joy From Making Other People Laugh. And I Do, But I Don't Feel Like I Need To Do It 24 Hours A Day.

That's An Interesting Way To Put It: An Expectation Of Who You Should Be. More Often Than Not, It's Described As An Expectation Of Who You Are.

I'm Very Fast. I'm Like Forest Gump, Except ... I Am Not An Idiot!

As A Parent, All You Want Is For Your Kids To Be Safe But You Don’t Want To Be Over-protective And So You Know That At Some Stage, They’re Going To Make Their Own Mistakes And Get Hurt Emotionally When All You Want To Do Is Protect Them From That.

It's Nice To Find People Who Live On The Fringe, Finding One Another And She's Just Unrelentingly Funny.

The Ability To Compromise And Having The Ability To Laugh At Ourselves Is Huge And Works Well For Me.

One Person With The Ability Of Half A Person Doing The Work Of Four People.

I Was A Bad Dater, And Up Until 8th Grade I Went To An All Boy's School. So, By The Time I Hit High School I Was A Bit Freaked Out By Women In General.

As Soon As You Start To Talk About Your Own Mannerisms, You Are Screwed. Because If You Are Aware Of Your Own Mannerisms, Or Beyond That Even What Makes Any One Thing Funny To People, I Really Ascribe To That That If You Start Deconstructing It Too Much, It Is Immediately Not Funny.

I Love My Wife Dearly, And, Therefore, I've Never Cooked A Meal, Romantic Or Otherwise, For Her.

In An Enclosed Space, A Camel's Breath Can Change The Atmosphere Of The Room. Not Only Just The Smell, They Literally Seem To Change The Atmospheric Pressure. It's So Disgusting. It's Like They Have Eight Stomachs Each More Rancid Then The Next And It Just Comes Out Of Their Mouth.

When I First Started Looking At Twitter, I Followed People Like Steve Martin, Who Will Just Write The Funniest Non Sequiturs Now And Then, Which I Thought Was Really Fun. That's Kind Of The Road I've Taken. Every Now And Then, Something Comes Into Your Mind And You Put It Out There. It's Very Innocuous. I Think It's Kind Of Fun.

I Have No Idea Where My Pathetic Nature Comes From. If I Thought About It Too Long, It Would Depress Me.

I Think There's A Little Bit Of Idiot In Everybody And I Think Some People Cover It Better Than Others But I Think I Am Very Much A Guy Who Wears His Heart On His Sleeve.

Being An Action Star Is All I Had Ever Hoped To Be. I Ultimately Knew I Would Be An Action Star.

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