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Trust Everybody, But Cut The Cards.

-Finley Peter Dunne

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Trust Everybody, But Cut

Finley Peter Dunne

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Trust Everybody, But Cut The Cards.

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Histhry Is A Post-mortem Examination. It Tellsye What A Counthry Died Iv. But I'd Like To Know What It Lived Iv.

It Don't Make Much Difference What You Study, So Long As You Don't Like It.

If Christian Scientists Had More Science And Doctors More Christianity, It Wouldn't Make Any Difference Which You Called In - If You Had A Good Nurse.

A Fanatic Is A Man That Does What He Thinks The Lord Would Do If He Knew The Facts Of The Case.

High Finance Isn't Burglary Or Obtaining Money By False Pretenses, But Rather A Judicious Selection From The Best Features Of Those Fine Arts.

Don't Jump On A Man Unless He Is Down.

Trust Ivrybody-but Cut Th' Cards.

When The American People Get Through With The English Language, It Will Look As If It Had Been Run Over By A Musical Comedy.

It [thanksgiving] Was Founded By The Puritans To Give Thanks For Bein' Preserved From The Indians, An' We Keep It To Give Thanks We Are Preserved From The Puritans.

Continued Focus On (employee) Turnover Is Of Critical Importance, Because Of The Direct Relation Of Turnover To Improvements In Labor Costs And Guest Satisfaction.

Work Is Work If You're Paid To Do It, And It's A Pleasure If You Pay To Be Allowed To Do It.

The World Is Not Growing Worse And It Is Not Growing Better - It Is Just Turning Around As Usual.

A Mormon Is A Man That Has The Bad Taste And The Religion To Do What A Good Many Other People Are Restrained From Doing By Conscientious Scruples And The Police.

Th' Newspaper Does Ivrything F'r Us. It Runs Th' Polis Foorce An' Th' Banks, Commands Th' Milishy, Controls Th' Ligislachure, Baptizes Th' Young, Marries Th' Foolish, Comforts Th' Afflicted, Afflicts Th' Comfortable, Buries Th' Dead An' Roasts Thim Aftherward.

A Game You Play With Your Own Worst Enemy-yourself.

A Rayformer Thinks He Was Ilicted Because He Was A Rayformer, Whin Th Thruth Iv Th Matther Is He Was Ilicted Because No Wan Knew Him.

When 'tis An Aven Thing In Th' Prayin', May Th' Best Man Win ... An' Th' Best Man Will Win.

It Must Be A Good Thing To Be Good Or Ivrybody Wudden't Be Pretendin' He Was.

If Ye Live Enough Befure Thirty Ye Won't Care To Live At All Afther Fifty.

What's Wan Man's News Is Another Man's Throubles.

Freedom Is Like Drink. If You Take Any At All, You Might As Well Take Enough To Make You Happy For A While.

Trust Everybody, But Cut The Cards.

There Aint Any News In Being Good. You Might Write The Doings Of All The Convents Of The World On The Back Of A Postage Stamp, And Have Room To Spare.

I Wonder Why You Can Always Read A Doctor's Bill And You Can Never Read His Prescription.

Meditation Is A Gift Confined To Unknown Philosophers And Cows. Others Don't Begin To Think Till They Begin To Talk Or Write.

A Lie With A Purpose Is One Of The Worst Kind, And The Most Profitable

You Can Lade A Man Up To Th' University, But Ye Can't Make Him Think.

Th' First Thing To Have In A Libry Is A Shelf. Fr'm Time To Time This Can Be Decorated With Lithrachure. But Th' Shelf Is Th' Main Thing.

If A Man Is Wise, He Gets Rich An' If He Gets Rich, He Gets Foolish, Or His Wife Does. That's What Keeps The Money Movin' Around.

A Man Can Be Right And President, But He Can't Be Both At The Same Time.

Viceis A Creature Of Such Heejous Mienthat Th' More Ye See It Th' Betther Ye Like It.

No Matter Whether The Constitution Follows The Flag Or Not, The Supreme Court Follows The Election Returns.

Vice Goes Along Way Towards Making Life Bearable. A Little Vice Now And Then Is Relished By The Best Of Men.

That Is, No Matther Whether Th' Constitution Follows Th' Flag Or Not, Th' Supreme Coort Follows Th' Iliction Returns.

The American Nation In The Sixth Ward Is A Fine People; They Love The Eagle - On The Back Of A Dollar.

What Is Instinct? It Is The Natural Tendency In One When Filled With Dismay To Turn To His Wife.

Most Vegetarians I Ever See Looked Enough Like Their Food To Be Classed As Cannibals.

The Wise People Are In New York Because The Foolish Went There First, That's The Way The Wise Men Make A Living.

The Only Good Husbands Stay Bachelors: They're Too Considerate To Get Married.

It Is More Comfortable To Feel That We Are A Slight Improvement On A Monkey Than Such A Fallin' Off From The Angels.

One Of The Strangest Things About Life Is That The Poor, Who Need The Money The Most, Are The Ones That Never Have It.

A Man's Idee In A Card Game Is War

Many A Man That Couldn't Direct Ye To Th' Drug Store On Th' Corner When He Was Thirty Will Get A Respectful Hearin' When Age Has Further Impaired His Mind.

Vice Is A Creature Of Such Hideous Mien... That The More You See It The Better You Like It

There Are No Friends At Cards Or World Politics

Stories Are Meant To Comfort The Afflicted, And Afflict The Comfortable.

Inherit The Wind

Opportunity Knocks At Every Man's Door Once. On Some Men's Door It Hammers Till It Breaks Down The Door And Then It Goes In And Wakes Him Up If He's Asleep, And Ever Afterward It Works For Him As A Night Watchman.

Drink Never Made A Man Better, But It Has Made Many A Man Think He Was Better.

Swearing Was Invented As A Compromise Between Running Away And Fighting.

To Most People A Savage Nation Is Wan That Doesn't Wear Oncomf'rtable Clothes.

A Man Never Becomes An Orator If He Has Anything To Say.

Public Speaking

I Care Not Who Makes Th' Laws Iv A Nation, If I Can Get Out An Injunction.

Even An Englishman Was Niver Improved By Bein' Blown Up.

A Firm Belief Atthracts Facts. They Come Out Iv Holes In The Ground An' Cracks In Th' Wall To Support Belief, But They Run Away Fr'm Doubt.

An Appeal Is When You Ask One Court To Show Its Contempt For Another Court.

Politics Ain't Beanbag: 'tis A Man's Game, And Women, Children 'n' Pro-hy-bitionists Had Best Stay Out Of It.

There's Always Wan Encouragin' Thing About Th' Sad Scientific Facts That Come Out Ivrv Week In Th' Pa-apers. They're Usually Not Thrue.

Alcohol Is Necessary For A Man So That He Can Have A Good Opinion Of Himself, Undisturbed By The Facts.

The Past Always Looks Better Than It Was; It's Only Pleasant Because It Isn't Here.

A Man's Idea In A Game Of Cards Is War, Cruel, Devastating, And Pitiless. A Lady's Idea Of It Is A Combination Of Larceny, Embezzlement And Burglary.

I Niver Knew A Pollytician To Go Wrong Ontil He's Been Contaminated By Contact With A Business Man.

A Man That'd Expict To Thrain Lobsters To Fly In A Year Is Called A Loonytic; But A Man That Thinks Men Can Be Tur-rned Into Angels By An Iliction Is Called A Rayformer An' Remains At Large.

Most Vegetarians Look So Much Like The Food They Eat That They Can Be Classified As Cannibals.

Th' Dead Ar-re Always Pop'lar. I Knowed A Society Wanst To Vote A Monyment To A Man An' Refuse To Help His Fam'ly, All In Wan Night.

The Last Man That Makes A Joke Owns It.

Many A Man That Could Rule A Hundherd Millyon Sthrangers With An Ir'n Hand Is Careful To Take Off His Shoes In The Front Hallway Whin He Comes Home Late At Night.

No, Sir, Th' Dimmycratic Party Ain't On Speakin' Terms With Itsilf. Whin Ye See Two Men With White Neckties Go Into A Sthreet Car An' Set In Opposite Corners While Wan Mutthers Thraiter An' Th' Other Hisses Miscreent Ye Can Bet They're Two Dimmycratic Leaders Thryin' To Reunite Th' Gran' Ol' Party.

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