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A Fanatic Is A Man That Does What He Thinks The Lord Would Do If He Knew The Facts Of The Case.

-Finley Peter Dunne

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A Fanatic Is A

Finley Peter Dunne

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A Fanatic Is A Man That Does What He Thinks The Lord Would Do If He Knew The Facts Of The Case.

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A Fanatic Is A Man That Does What He Thinks The Lord Would Do If He Knew The Facts Of The Case.

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I Niver Knew A Pollytician To Go Wrong Ontil He's Been Contaminated By Contact With A Business Man.

The American Nation In The Sixth Ward Is A Fine People; They Love The Eagle - On The Back Of A Dollar.

Opportunity Knocks At Every Man's Door Once. On Some Men's Door It Hammers Till It Breaks Down The Door And Then It Goes In And Wakes Him Up If He's Asleep, And Ever Afterward It Works For Him As A Night Watchman.

A Mormon Is A Man That Has The Bad Taste And The Religion To Do What A Good Many Other People Are Restrained From Doing By Conscientious Scruples And The Police.

Politics Ain't Beanbag: 'tis A Man's Game, And Women, Children 'n' Pro-hy-bitionists Had Best Stay Out Of It.

Vice Goes Along Way Towards Making Life Bearable. A Little Vice Now And Then Is Relished By The Best Of Men.

Drink Never Made A Man Better, But It Has Made Many A Man Think He Was Better.

Meditation Is A Gift Confined To Unknown Philosophers And Cows. Others Don't Begin To Think Till They Begin To Talk Or Write.

Freedom Is Like Drink. If You Take Any At All, You Might As Well Take Enough To Make You Happy For A While.

A Man Never Becomes An Orator If He Has Anything To Say.

Public Speaking

The Last Man That Makes A Joke Owns It.

It Is More Comfortable To Feel That We Are A Slight Improvement On A Monkey Than Such A Fallin' Off From The Angels.

Many A Man That Couldn't Direct Ye To Th' Drug Store On Th' Corner When He Was Thirty Will Get A Respectful Hearin' When Age Has Further Impaired His Mind.

High Finance Isn't Burglary Or Obtaining Money By False Pretenses, But Rather A Judicious Selection From The Best Features Of Those Fine Arts.

A Game You Play With Your Own Worst Enemy-yourself.

A Lie With A Purpose Is One Of The Worst Kind, And The Most Profitable

A Man That'd Expict To Thrain Lobsters To Fly In A Year Is Called A Loonytic; But A Man That Thinks Men Can Be Tur-rned Into Angels By An Iliction Is Called A Rayformer An' Remains At Large.

I Care Not Who Makes Th' Laws Iv A Nation, If I Can Get Out An Injunction.

Trust Ivrybody-but Cut Th' Cards.

Th' Newspaper Does Ivrything F'r Us. It Runs Th' Polis Foorce An' Th' Banks, Commands Th' Milishy, Controls Th' Ligislachure, Baptizes Th' Young, Marries Th' Foolish, Comforts Th' Afflicted, Afflicts Th' Comfortable, Buries Th' Dead An' Roasts Thim Aftherward.

What Is Instinct? It Is The Natural Tendency In One When Filled With Dismay To Turn To His Wife.

Vice Is A Creature Of Such Hideous Mien... That The More You See It The Better You Like It

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Many A Man That Could Rule A Hundherd Millyon Sthrangers With An Ir'n Hand Is Careful To Take Off His Shoes In The Front Hallway Whin He Comes Home Late At Night.

An Appeal Is When You Ask One Court To Show Its Contempt For Another Court.

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Th' Dead Ar-re Always Pop'lar. I Knowed A Society Wanst To Vote A Monyment To A Man An' Refuse To Help His Fam'ly, All In Wan Night.

Swearing Was Invented As A Compromise Between Running Away And Fighting.

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Th' First Thing To Have In A Libry Is A Shelf. Fr'm Time To Time This Can Be Decorated With Lithrachure. But Th' Shelf Is Th' Main Thing.

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Even An Englishman Was Niver Improved By Bein' Blown Up.

A Rayformer Thinks He Was Ilicted Because He Was A Rayformer, Whin Th Thruth Iv Th Matther Is He Was Ilicted Because No Wan Knew Him.

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When The American People Get Through With The English Language, It Will Look As If It Had Been Run Over By A Musical Comedy.

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That Is, No Matther Whether Th' Constitution Follows Th' Flag Or Not, Th' Supreme Coort Follows Th' Iliction Returns.

The World Is Not Growing Worse And It Is Not Growing Better - It Is Just Turning Around As Usual.

The Wise People Are In New York Because The Foolish Went There First, That's The Way The Wise Men Make A Living.

No, Sir, Th' Dimmycratic Party Ain't On Speakin' Terms With Itsilf. Whin Ye See Two Men With White Neckties Go Into A Sthreet Car An' Set In Opposite Corners While Wan Mutthers Thraiter An' Th' Other Hisses Miscreent Ye Can Bet They're Two Dimmycratic Leaders Thryin' To Reunite Th' Gran' Ol' Party.

Stories Are Meant To Comfort The Afflicted, And Afflict The Comfortable.

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