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The Task Of Worrying Is To Come Up With Positive Solutions For Life's Perils By Anticipating Dangers Before They Arise. If We Are Preoccupied By Worries, We Have That Must Less Attention To Expend On Figuring Out The Answers. Our Worries Become Self-fulfilling Prophecies, Propelling Us Toward The Very Disaster They Predict.

-Daniel Goleman

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The Task Of Worrying

Daniel Goleman

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The Task Of Worrying Is To Come Up With Positive Solutions For Life's Perils By Anticipating Dangers Before They Arise. If We Are Preoccupied By Worries, We Have That Must Less Attention To Expend On Figuring Out The Answers. Our Worries Become Self-fulfilling Prophecies, Propelling Us Toward The Very Disaster They Predict.

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Comparing The Three Domains, I Found That For Jobs Of All Kinds, Emotional Competencies Were Twice As Prevalent Among Distinguishing Competencies As Were Technical Skills And Purely Cognitive Abilities Combined. In General The Higher A Position In An Organization, The More Ei Mattered: For Individuals In Leadership Positions, 85 Percent Of Their Competencies Were In The Ei Domain.

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Worries Typically Follow Such Lines, A Narrative To Oneself That Jumps From Concern To Concern And More Often Than Not Includes Catastrophizing, Imagining Some Terrible Tragedy. Worries Are Almost Always Expressed In The Mind's Ear, Not Its Eye - That Is, In Words, Not Images - A Fact That Has Significance For Controlling Worry.

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Richness Of Life

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Buying Phosphate-free Soap Allows You To Say, 'my Detergent Doesn't Have The Harsh Chemicals Others Do.' The Question Is, How Are You Washing With It? The Very Worst Thing For The Earth About Detergent Is That We Heat Water To Use It.

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Daydreaming Defeats Practice; Those Of Us Who Browse Tv While Working Out Will Never Reach The Top Ranks. Paying Full Attention Seems To Boost The Mind's Processing Speed, Strengthen Synaptic Connections, And Expand Or Create Neural Networks For What We Are Practicing.

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Meditation Practice

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For The High Achievers, Studying Gave Them The Pleasing, Absorbing Challenge Of Flow 40 Percent Of The Hours They Spent At It. But For Low Achievers, Studying Produced Flow Only 16 Percent Of The Time; More Often That Not, It Yielded Anxiety, With The Demands Outreaching Their Abilities...the Low Achievers Found Pleasure And Flow In Socializing, Not In Studying.

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Cognitive Skills Such As Big-picture Thinking And Long-term Vision Were Particularly Important. But When I Calculated The Ratio Of Technical Skills, Iq, And Emotional Intelligence As Ingredients Of Excellent Performance, Emotional Intelligence Proved To Be Twice As Important As The Others For Jobs At All Levels.

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....goal Directed Self-imposed Delay Of Gratification Is Perhaps The Essence Of Emotional Self-regulation: The Ability To Deny Impulse In The Service Of A Goal, Whether It Be Building A Business, Solving An Algebraic Equation, Or Pursuing The Stanley Cup.

When We Focus On Others, Our World Expands.

Self-absorption In All Its Forms Kills Empathy, Let Alone Compassion. When We Focus On Ourselves, Our World Contracts As Our Problems And Preoccupations Loom Large. But When We Focus On Others, Our World Expands. Our Own Problems Drift To The Periphery Of The Mind And So Seem Smaller, And We Increase Our Capacity For Connection - Or Compassionate Action.

When It Comes To Exploring The Mind In The Framework Of Cognitive Neuroscience, The Maximal Yield Of Data Comes From Integrating What A Person Experiences - The First Person - With What The Measurements Show - The Third Person.

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There Is Perhaps No Psychological Skill More Fundamental Than Resisting Impulse. It Is The Root Of All Emotional Self-control, Since All Emotions, By Their Very Nature, Lead To One Or Another Impulse To Act. The Root Meaning Of The Word Emotion, Remember, Is "to Move.

I Don't Really Follow Meditation Hype. But My Impression Is That Poor Studies Are Cited As "proof" Of Meditation's Benefits, Findings That Apply To Advanced Meditators Are Sometimes Touted As Accruing To Beginners, And, Occasionally, Some Benefits Are Simply Imagined. This May Be Most True In The Business World, Where Many Companies Are Bringing In Teachers Who Are A Bit Loose In Their Use Of Research As Evidence For The Usefulness Of The Method.

But The Rational Mind Usually Doesn't Decide What Emotions We "should" Have !

School Success Is Not Predicted By A Child's Fund Of Facts Or A Precocious Ability To Read As Much As By Emotional And Social Measures; Being Self-assured And Interested: Knowing What Kind Of Behavior Is Expected And How To Rein In The Impulse To Misbehave; Being Able To Wait, To Follow Directions, And To Turn To Teachers For Help; And Expressing Needs While Getting Along With Other Children.

The Near Cousin Of Optimism Is Hope: Knowing The Steps Needed To Get To A Goal And Having The Energy To Pursue Those Steps. It Is A Primal Motivating Force, And Its Absence Is Paralyzing.

Emotional Self-awareness Is The Building Block Of The Next Fundamental Emotional Intelligence: Being Able To Shake Off A Bad Mood.

Overloading Attention Shrinks Mental Control. Life Immersed In Digital Distractions Creates A Near Constant Cognitive Overload. And That Overload Wears Out Self-control.

There Is Zero Correlation Between Iq And Emotional Empathy... They're Controlled By Different Parts Of The Brain.

Risk Taking And The Drive To Pursue Innovative Ideas Are The Fuel That Stokes The Entrepreneurial Spirit.

In A High-iq Job Pool, Soft Skills Like Discipline, Drive And Empathy Mark Those Who Emerge As Outstanding.

Gifted Leadership Occurs When Heart And Head--feeling And Thought--meet. These Are The Two Winds That Allow A Leader To Soar.

While There I Began To Study The Asian Religions As Theories Of Mind.

The More Time You Put Into Practicing, Then, The Greater The Payoff.

A Leader Tuned Out Of His Internal World Will Be Rudderless; One Blind To The World Of Others Will Be Clueless; Those Indifferent To The Larger Systems Within Which They Operate Will Be Blindsided.

Great Leaders, The Research Shows, Are Made As They Gradually Acquire, In The Course Of Their Lives And Careers, The Competencies That Make Them So Effective. The Competencies Can Be Learned By Any Leader, At Any Point.

If Your Emotional Abilities Aren't In Hand, If You Don't Have Self-awareness, If You Are Not Able To Manage Your Distressing Emotions, If You Can't Have Empathy And Have Effective Relationships, Then No Matter How Smart You Are, You Are Not Going To Get Very Far.

Whoever Has The Mind To Fight Has Broken His Connection With The Universe. If You Try To Dominate People You Are Already Defeated. We Study How To Resolve Conflict, Not How To Start It.

However, I Began Meditating At About That Time And Have Continued On And Off Over The Years.

The Emotional Brain Responds To An Event More Quickly Than The Thinking Brain.

For The High Achievers, Studying Gave Them The Pleasing, Absorbing Challenge Of Flow Percent Of The Hours They Spent As It.

Emotional 'literacy' Implies An Expanded Responsibility For Schools In Helping To Socialize Children. This Daunting Task Requires Two Major Changes: That Teachers Go Beyond Their Traditional Mission And That People In The Community Become More Involved With Schools As Both Active Participants In Children's Learning And As Individual Mentors.

As Much As 80% Of Adult "success" Comes From Eq.

Attention Is A Little-noticed And Underrated Mental Asset.

There Are A Host Of Surprises Among Longer-term Meditators, Like A Boost In The Immune System From A Day Of Practice, Which Is Not Seen In Beginners, And A Rapid Recovery From Stress Or Pain. At The "olympic Level" We Find There Is No Anticipatory Anxiety When The Stress Of Pain Is Certain To Come, And No Lingering Aftereffects - Unlike The Stress Reactions In Ordinary Folk.

Smart Phones And Social Media Expand Our Universe. We Can Connect With Others Or Collect Information Easier And Faster Than Ever.

Want A Happier, More Content Life? I Highly Recommend The Down-to-earth Methods You'll Find In 'mindfulness.' Professor Mark Williams And Dr Danny Penman Have Teamed Up To Give Us Scientifically Grounded Techniques We Can Apply In The Midst Of Our Everyday Challenges And Catastrophes.

Simple Inattention Kills Empathy, Let Alone Compassion. So The First Step In Compassion Is To Notice The Other's Need. It All Begins With The Simple Act Of Attention.

Positive Work Environments Outperform Negative Work Environments.

The Other Thing Is That If You Rely Solely On Medication To Manage Depression Or Anxiety, For Example, You Have Done Nothing To Train The Mind, So That When You Come Off The Medication, You Are Just As Vulnerable To A Relapse As Though You Had Never Taken The Medication.

Once Shoppers Become Empowered, We Will Facilitate Industries Thinking In Completely New Terms; For Example, Making Products That Are Totally Biodegradable.

Even Though A High Iq Is No Guarantee Of Prosperity, Prestige, Or Happiness In Life, Our Schools And Our Culture Fixate On Academic Abilities, Ignoring The Emotional Intelligence That Also Matters Immensely For Our Personal Destiny.

The Basic Premise That Children Must Learn About Emotions Is That All Feelings Are Okay To Have; However, Only Some Reactions Are Okay.

I Don't Think Focus Is In Itself Ever A Bad Thing. But Focus Of The Wrong Kind, Or Managed Poorly, Can Be.

People Who Are Optimistic See A Failure As Due To Something That Can Be Changed So That They Can Succeed Next Time Around, While Pessimists Take The Blame For The Failure, Ascribing It To Some Characteristic They Are Helpless To Change.

What Seems To Set Apart Those At The Very Top Of Competitive Pursuits From Others Of Roughly Equal Ability Is The Degree To Which, Beginning Early In Life, They Can Pursue An Arduous Practice Routine For Years And Years.

One Aspect Of A Successful Relationship Is Not Just How Compatible You Are, But How You Deal With Your Incompatibility.

Incompatibility

The Task Of Worrying Is To Come Up With Positive Solutions For Life's Perils By Anticipating Dangers Before They Arise. If We Are Preoccupied By Worries, We Have That Must Less Attention To Expend On Figuring Out The Answers. Our Worries Become Self-fulfilling Prophecies, Propelling Us Toward The Very Disaster They Predict.

Our Emotional Mind Will Harness The Rational Mind To Its Purposes, For Our Feelings And Reactions-- Rationalizations-- Justifying Them In Terms Of The Present Moment, Without Realizing The Influence Of Our Emotional Memory.

There Are Some Surprising Payoffs With Only A Few Minutes' Practice, Like Eliminating The Loss Of Concentration That Multitasking Usually Brings. Short Daily Mindfulness Practice In Beginners Also Improves Memory, To The Point That A Group Of Students Who Volunteered For A Study Got Significantly Better Scores On Their Graduate School Entrance Exams.

Research Shows That For Jobs Of All Kinds, Emotional Intelligence Is Twice As Important An Ingredient Of Outstanding Performance As Cognitive Ability And Technical Skill Combined.

The People We Get Along With, Trust, Feel Simpatico With, Are The Strongest Links In Our Networks

Teachers Need To Be Comfortable Talking About Feelings. This Is Part Of Teaching Emotional Literacy - A Set Of Skills We Can All Develop, Including The Ability To Read, Understand, And Respond Appropriately To One's Own Emotions And The Emotions Of Others.

Western Business People Often Don't Get The Importance Of Establishing Human Relationships.

Fear, In Evolution, Has A Special Prominence: Perhaps More Than Any Other Emotion It Is Crucial For Survival.

One Way To Boost Our Will Power And Focus Is To Manage Our Distractions Instead Of Letting Them Manage Us.

Shipping By Sea Produces 1/60 The Emissions Of Shipping By Air And About 1/5 That Of Trucking.

Educators, Long Disturbed By Schoolchildren's Lagging Scores In Math And Reading, Are Realizing There Is A Different And More Alarming Deficiency: Emotional Literacy. And While Laudable Efforts Are Being Made To Raise Academic Standards, This New And Troubling Deficiency Is Not Being Addressed In The Standard School Curriculum. As One Brooklyn Teacher Put It, The Present Emphasis In Schools Suggests That "we Care More About How Well Schoolchildren Can Read And Write Than Whether They'll Be Alive Next Week."

I Think The Smartest Thing For People To Do To Manage Very Distressing Emotions Is To Take A Medication If It Helps, But Don't Do Only That. You Also Need To Train Your Mind.

Emotional Self-control-- Delaying Gratification And Stifling Impulsiveness- Underlies Accomplishment Of Every Sort

Emotional Self-control Is Not The Same As Overcontrol, The Stifling Of All Feeling And Spontaneity....when Such Emotional Suppression Is Chronic, It Can Impair Thinking, Hamper Intellectual Performance And Interfere With Smooth Social Interaction. By Contrast, Emotional Competence Implies We Have A Choice As To How We Express Our Feelings.

Mindful Meditation Has Been Discovered To Foster The Ability To Inhibit Those Very Quick Emotional Impulses.

Meditation And Yoga

For Better Or Worse, Intelligence Can Come To Nothing When Emotions Hold Sway.

The Social Brain Is In Its Natural Habitat When We're Talking With Someone Face-to-face In Real Time.

The Ability To Handle Stress Increases With The Practice Of Meditation. In A Culture Like Ours In Which Inner, Spiritual Growth Is Totally Neglected In Favor Of Materialistic Pursuits, We Might Have Something To Learn From The Hare Krishna Devotees' Meditational Practices.

We're Exposed And Carry In Our Bodies Multiple Chemicals, And We Have To Understand How They Interact. Both How They Individually Interact And The Thousands Of Effects They Can Produce When They Interact With The Receptors That Run Our Bodies.

The Emotional Brain Is Highly Attuned To Symbolic Meanings And To The Mode Freud Called The 'primary Process' - The Messages Of Metaphor, Story, Myth, The Arts.

Symbolic Meaning

A Prerequisite To Empathy Is Simply Paying Attention To The Person In Pain.

Feelings Are Self-justifying, With A Set Of Perceptions And "proofs" All Their Own.

The Best Leaders Don’t Know Just One Style Of Leadership—they’re Skilled At Several, And Have The Flexibility To Switch Between Styles As The Circumstances Dictate.

What Really Matters For Success, Character, Happiness And Life Long Achievements Is A Definite Set Of Emotional Skills - Your Eq - Not Just Purely Cognitive Abilities That Are Measured By Conventional Iq Tests.

Brain Studies Of Mental Workouts In Which You Sustain A Single, Chosen Focus Show That The More You Detach From What's Distracting You And Refocus On What You Should Be Paying Attention To, The Stronger This Brain Circuitry Becomes.

Making Choices That Improve Things For All Of Us On The Planet Is An Act Of Compassion, A Simple Act We Can Do Any Time We Go Shopping.

Daydreaming Incubates Creative Discovery.

Directing Attention Toward Where It Needs To Go Is A Primal Task Of Leadership.

Well, Any Effort To Maximize Your Potential And Ability Is A Good Thing.

Empathic, Emotionally Intelligent Work Environments Have A Good Track Record Of Increasing Creativity, Improving Problem Solving And Raising Productivity.

Our Genetic Heritage Endows Each Of Us With A Series Of Emotional Set-points That Determines Our Temperament. But The Brain Circuitry Involved Is Extraordinarily Malleable; Temperament Is Not Destiny.

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