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The Other Thing Is That If You Rely Solely On Medication To Manage Depression Or Anxiety, For Example, You Have Done Nothing To Train The Mind, So That When You Come Off The Medication, You Are Just As Vulnerable To A Relapse As Though You Had Never Taken The Medication.

-Daniel Goleman

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The Other Thing Is

Daniel Goleman

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The Other Thing Is That If You Rely Solely On Medication To Manage Depression Or Anxiety, For Example, You Have Done Nothing To Train The Mind, So That When You Come Off The Medication, You Are Just As Vulnerable To A Relapse As Though You Had Never Taken The Medication.

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Research Shows That For Jobs Of All Kinds, Emotional Intelligence Is Twice As Important An Ingredient Of Outstanding Performance As Cognitive Ability And Technical Skill Combined.

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The Harvard Business Review Recently Had An Article Called 'the Human Moment,' About How To Make Real Contact With A Person At Work: ... The Fundamental Thing You Have To Do Is Turn Off Your Blackberry, Close Your Laptop, End Your Daydream And Pay Full Attention To The Person.

But There Has Also Been A Notable Increase In Recent Years Of These Applications By A Much Wider Slice Of Psychotherapists - Far Greater Interest Than Ever Before.

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Comparing The Three Domains, I Found That For Jobs Of All Kinds, Emotional Competencies Were Twice As Prevalent Among Distinguishing Competencies As Were Technical Skills And Purely Cognitive Abilities Combined. In General The Higher A Position In An Organization, The More Ei Mattered: For Individuals In Leadership Positions, 85 Percent Of Their Competencies Were In The Ei Domain.

There Are A Host Of Surprises Among Longer-term Meditators, Like A Boost In The Immune System From A Day Of Practice, Which Is Not Seen In Beginners, And A Rapid Recovery From Stress Or Pain. At The "olympic Level" We Find There Is No Anticipatory Anxiety When The Stress Of Pain Is Certain To Come, And No Lingering Aftereffects - Unlike The Stress Reactions In Ordinary Folk.

If Your Emotional Abilities Aren't In Hand, If You Don't Have Self-awareness, If You Are Not Able To Manage Your Distressing Emotions, If You Can't Have Empathy And Have Effective Relationships, Then No Matter How Smart You Are, You Are Not Going To Get Very Far.

People Tend To Become More Emotionally Intelligent As They Age And Mature.

Teachers Need To Be Comfortable Talking About Feelings. This Is Part Of Teaching Emotional Literacy - A Set Of Skills We Can All Develop, Including The Ability To Read, Understand, And Respond Appropriately To One's Own Emotions And The Emotions Of Others.

Emotional Self-control-- Delaying Gratification And Stifling Impulsiveness- Underlies Accomplishment Of Every Sort

The Basic Premise That Children Must Learn About Emotions Is That All Feelings Are Okay To Have; However, Only Some Reactions Are Okay.

The People We Get Along With, Trust, Feel Simpatico With, Are The Strongest Links In Our Networks

Empathic, Emotionally Intelligent Work Environments Have A Good Track Record Of Increasing Creativity, Improving Problem Solving And Raising Productivity.

Overloading Attention Shrinks Mental Control. Life Immersed In Digital Distractions Creates A Near Constant Cognitive Overload. And That Overload Wears Out Self-control.

Brain Studies Of Mental Workouts In Which You Sustain A Single, Chosen Focus Show That The More You Detach From What's Distracting You And Refocus On What You Should Be Paying Attention To, The Stronger This Brain Circuitry Becomes.

Making Choices That Improve Things For All Of Us On The Planet Is An Act Of Compassion, A Simple Act We Can Do Any Time We Go Shopping.

Our Passions, When Well Exercised, Have Wisdom; They Guide Our Thinking, Our Values, Our Survival.

Empathetic People Are Superb At Recognizing And Meeting The Needs Of Clients, Customers, Or Subordinates. They Seem Approachable, Wanting To Hear What People Have To Say. They Listen Carefully, Picking Up On What People Are Truly Concerned About, And Respond On The Mark.

Emotional Self-awareness Is The Building Block Of The Next Fundamental Emotional Intelligence: Being Able To Shake Off A Bad Mood.

Threats To Our Standing In The Eyes Of Others Are Remarkably Potent Biologically, Almost As Powerful As Those To Our Very Survival.

When The Darkness Is Seen As A Necessary Prelude To The Creative Light, One Is Less Likely To Ascribe Frustration To Personal Inadequacy Or Label It As Bad.

There Is A Newly Coined Word In The English Language For The Moment When The Person We're With Whips Out Their Blackberry Or Answers That Cell Phone, And All Of A Sudden We Don't Exist. The Word Is 'pizzled': It's A Combination Of Puzzled And Pissed Off.

What Really Matters For Success, Character, Happiness And Life Long Achievements Is A Definite Set Of Emotional Skills - Your Eq - Not Just Purely Cognitive Abilities That Are Measured By Conventional Iq Tests.

Evolutionary Theory Holds That Our Ability To Sense When We Should Be Suspicious Has Been Every Bit As Essential For Human Survival As Our Capacity For Trust And Cooperation.

Empathy Represents The Foundation Skill For All The Social Competencies Important For Work.

Motivation Aside, If People Get Better At These Life Skills, Everyone Benefits: The Brain Doesn't Distinguish Between Being A More Empathic Manager And A More Empathic Father.

The More Time You Put Into Practicing, Then, The Greater The Payoff.

Empathy And Social Skills Are Social Intelligence, The Interpersonal Part Of Emotional Intelligence. That's Why They Look Alike.

For Better Or Worse, Intelligence Can Come To Nothing When Emotions Hold Sway.

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People Learn What They Want To Learn. If Learning Is Forced On Us, Even If We Master It Temporarily, It Is Soon Forgotten.

Simple Inattention Kills Empathy, Let Alone Compassion. So The First Step In Compassion Is To Notice The Other's Need. It All Begins With The Simple Act Of Attention.

Scheduling Down Time As Part Of Your Routine Is Hard But Worth It, Personally, Even Professionally.

The Other Thing Is That If You Rely Solely On Medication To Manage Depression Or Anxiety, For Example, You Have Done Nothing To Train The Mind, So That When You Come Off The Medication, You Are Just As Vulnerable To A Relapse As Though You Had Never Taken The Medication.

Great Leaders, The Research Shows, Are Made As They Gradually Acquire, In The Course Of Their Lives And Careers, The Competencies That Make Them So Effective. The Competencies Can Be Learned By Any Leader, At Any Point.

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....goal Directed Self-imposed Delay Of Gratification Is Perhaps The Essence Of Emotional Self-regulation: The Ability To Deny Impulse In The Service Of A Goal, Whether It Be Building A Business, Solving An Algebraic Equation, Or Pursuing The Stanley Cup.

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If You Are Doing Mindfulness Meditation, You Are Doing It With Your Ability To Attend To The Moment.

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I Think The Smartest Thing For People To Do To Manage Very Distressing Emotions Is To Take A Medication If It Helps, But Don't Do Only That. You Also Need To Train Your Mind.

Teachers Need To Be Comfortable Talking About Feelings.

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The Near Cousin Of Optimism Is Hope: Knowing The Steps Needed To Get To A Goal And Having The Energy To Pursue Those Steps. It Is A Primal Motivating Force, And Its Absence Is Paralyzing.

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Richness Of Life

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Emotional Intelligence Begins To Develop In The Earliest Years. All The Small Exchanges Children Have With Their Parents, Teachers, And With Each Other Carry Emotional Messages.

One Way To Boost Our Will Power And Focus Is To Manage Our Distractions Instead Of Letting Them Manage Us.

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However, I Began Meditating At About That Time And Have Continued On And Off Over The Years.

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There Are Some Surprising Payoffs With Only A Few Minutes' Practice, Like Eliminating The Loss Of Concentration That Multitasking Usually Brings. Short Daily Mindfulness Practice In Beginners Also Improves Memory, To The Point That A Group Of Students Who Volunteered For A Study Got Significantly Better Scores On Their Graduate School Entrance Exams.

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There Is Zero Correlation Between Iq And Emotional Empathy... They're Controlled By Different Parts Of The Brain.

Our Genetic Heritage Endows Each Of Us With A Series Of Emotional Set-points That Determines Our Temperament. But The Brain Circuitry Involved Is Extraordinarily Malleable; Temperament Is Not Destiny.

I Don't Really Follow Meditation Hype. But My Impression Is That Poor Studies Are Cited As "proof" Of Meditation's Benefits, Findings That Apply To Advanced Meditators Are Sometimes Touted As Accruing To Beginners, And, Occasionally, Some Benefits Are Simply Imagined. This May Be Most True In The Business World, Where Many Companies Are Bringing In Teachers Who Are A Bit Loose In Their Use Of Research As Evidence For The Usefulness Of The Method.

The Amygdala In The Emotional Center Sees And Hears Everything That Occurs To Us Instantaneously And Is The Trigger Point For The Fight Or Flight Response.

When We Focus On Others, Our World Expands.

Our Emotional Mind Will Harness The Rational Mind To Its Purposes, For Our Feelings And Reactions-- Rationalizations-- Justifying Them In Terms Of The Present Moment, Without Realizing The Influence Of Our Emotional Memory.

We're Exposed And Carry In Our Bodies Multiple Chemicals, And We Have To Understand How They Interact. Both How They Individually Interact And The Thousands Of Effects They Can Produce When They Interact With The Receptors That Run Our Bodies.

Leaders With Empathy Do More Than Sympathize With People Around Them: They Use Their Knowledge To Improve Their Companies In Subtle, But Important Ways.

The Human Brain Is By No Means Fully Formed At Birth. It Continues To Shape Itself Through Life, With The Most Intense Growth Occurring During Childhood.

All The Classical Meditation Traditions, In One Way Or Another, Stress Nonattachment To The Self As A Goal Of Practice. Oddly, This Dimension Is Largely Ignored In Scientific Research, Which Tends To Focus On Health And Other Such Benefits. I Suppose The Difference Has To Do With The Contrast In Views Of The Self From The Spiritual And Scientific Perspectives. Scientists Value The Self; Spiritual Traditions Have Another Perspective.

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Even Though A High Iq Is No Guarantee Of Prosperity, Prestige, Or Happiness In Life, Our Schools And Our Culture Fixate On Academic Abilities, Ignoring The Emotional Intelligence That Also Matters Immensely For Our Personal Destiny.

People's Emotions Are Rarely Put Into Words , Far More Often They Are Expressed Through Other Cues. The Key To Intuiting Another's Feelings Is In The Ability To Read Nonverbal Channels , Tone Of Voice , Gesture , Facial Expression And The Like

Reducing The Economic Gap May Be Impossible Without Also Addressing The Gap In Empathy.

A Little Girl Who Finds A Puzzle Frustrating Might Ask Her Busy Mother (or Teacher) For Help. The Child Gets One Message If Her Mother Expresses Clear Pleasure At The Request And Quite Another If Mommy Responds With A Curt 'don't Bother Me - I've Got Important Work To Do.'

While There I Began To Study The Asian Religions As Theories Of Mind.

The Emotional Brain Responds To An Event More Quickly Than The Thinking Brain.

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Remember, Empathy Need Not Lead To Sympathetically Giving In To The Other Side’s Demands—knowing How Someone Feels Does Not Mean Agreeing With Them.

Smart Phones And Social Media Expand Our Universe. We Can Connect With Others Or Collect Information Easier And Faster Than Ever.

Daydreaming Incubates Creative Discovery.

Sheree Conrad And Michael Milburn Bring A Much-needed Sanity To That Confusing And Unruly Terrain, Our Sexual Lives/

My Hope Was That Organizations Would Start Including This Range Of Skills In Their Training Programs - In Other Words, Offer An Adult Education In Social And Emotional Intelligence.

Fear, In Evolution, Has A Special Prominence: Perhaps More Than Any Other Emotion It Is Crucial For Survival.

In The New Workplace, With Its Emphasis On Flexibility, Teams And A Strong Customer Orientation, This Crucial Set Of Emotional Competencies Is Becoming Increasingly Essential For Excellence In Every Job In Every Part Of The World.

But Once You Are In That Field, Emotional Intelligence Emerges As A Much Stronger Predictor Of Who Will Be Most Successful, Because It Is How We Handle Ourselves In Our Relationships That Determines How Well We Do Once We Are In A Given Job.

What Seems To Set Apart Those At The Very Top Of Competitive Pursuits From Others Of Roughly Equal Ability Is The Degree To Which, Beginning Early In Life, They Can Pursue An Arduous Practice Routine For Years And Years.

I Would Say That Iq Is The Strongest Predictor Of Which Field You Can Get Into And Hold A Job In, Whether You Can Be An Accountant, Lawyer Or Nurse, For Example.

Risk Taking And The Drive To Pursue Innovative Ideas Are The Fuel That Stokes The Entrepreneurial Spirit.

Educators, Long Disturbed By Schoolchildren's Lagging Scores In Math And Reading, Are Realizing There Is A Different And More Alarming Deficiency: Emotional Literacy. And While Laudable Efforts Are Being Made To Raise Academic Standards, This New And Troubling Deficiency Is Not Being Addressed In The Standard School Curriculum. As One Brooklyn Teacher Put It, The Present Emphasis In Schools Suggests That "we Care More About How Well Schoolchildren Can Read And Write Than Whether They'll Be Alive Next Week."

There Is Perhaps No Psychological Skill More Fundamental Than Resisting Impulse.

Like Secondhand Smoke, The Leakage Of Emotions Can Make A Bystander An Innocent Casualty Of Someone Else's Toxic State.

Whenever We Feel Stressed Out, That's A Signal That Our Brain Is Pumping Out Stress Hormones. If Sustained Over Months And Years, Those Hormones Can Ruin Our Health And Make Us A Nervous Wreck.

As A Freshman In College, I Was Having A Lot Of Trouble Adjusting. I Took A Meditation Class To Handle Anxiety. It Really Helped. Then As A Grad Student At Harvard, I Was Awarded A Pre-doctoral Traveling Fellowship To India, Where My Focus Was On The Ancient Systems Of Psychology And Meditation Practices Of Asia.

Meditation Practice

Emotions Are Contagious. We've All Known It Experientially. You Know After You Have A Really Fun Coffee With A Friend, You Feel Good. When You Have A Rude Clerk In A Store, You Walk Away Feeling Bad.

Iq And Technical Skills Are Important, But Emotional Intelligence Is The Sine Qua Non Of Leadership.

Attention Is A Little-noticed And Underrated Mental Asset.

Feelings Are Self-justifying, With A Set Of Perceptions And "proofs" All Their Own.

Worries Typically Follow Such Lines, A Narrative To Oneself That Jumps From Concern To Concern And More Often Than Not Includes Catastrophizing, Imagining Some Terrible Tragedy. Worries Are Almost Always Expressed In The Mind's Ear, Not Its Eye - That Is, In Words, Not Images - A Fact That Has Significance For Controlling Worry.

In A Very Real Sense We Have Two Minds, One That Thinks And One That Feels

Cognitive Skills Such As Big-picture Thinking And Long-term Vision Were Particularly Important. But When I Calculated The Ratio Of Technical Skills, Iq, And Emotional Intelligence As Ingredients Of Excellent Performance, Emotional Intelligence Proved To Be Twice As Important As The Others For Jobs At All Levels.

We Should Spend Less Time Ranking Children And More Time Helping Them To Identify Their Natural Competencies And Gifts, And Cultivate Those.

Although Traditional Incentives Such As Bonuses Or Recognition Can Prod People To Better Performance, No External Motivators Can Get People To Perform At Their Absolute Best. . . .wherever People Gravitate Within Their Work Roles, Indicates Where Their Real Pleasure Lies—and That Pleasure Is Itself Motivating.

When I Went On To Write My Next Book, Working With Emotional Intelligence, I Wanted To Make A Business Case That The Best Performers Were Those People Strong In These Skills.

The Industrial Processes In Use Today Were Developed At A Time When No One Had To Consider What The Environmental Impact Was. Who Cared? But Making Ecological Concerns Matter To A Company's Bottom Line Will Help It Do The Research And Development That Will Reinvent Everything We Buy.

Research And Development

The Best Leaders Don’t Know Just One Style Of Leadership—they’re Skilled At Several, And Have The Flexibility To Switch Between Styles As The Circumstances Dictate.

In A High-iq Job Pool, Soft Skills Like Discipline, Drive And Empathy Mark Those Who Emerge As Outstanding.

Simply Paying Attention Allows Us To Build An Emotional Connection. Lacking Attention, Empathy Hasn't A Chance.

Ceos Are Hired For Their Intellect And Business Expertise - And Fired For A Lack Of Emotional Intelligence.

Women, On Average, Tend To Be More Aware Of Their Emotions, Show More Empathy, And Are More Adept Interpersonally. Men On The Other Hand, Are More Self-confident And Optimistic, Adapt More Easily, And Handle Stress Better.

Emotional Self-control Is Not The Same As Overcontrol, The Stifling Of All Feeling And Spontaneity....when Such Emotional Suppression Is Chronic, It Can Impair Thinking, Hamper Intellectual Performance And Interfere With Smooth Social Interaction. By Contrast, Emotional Competence Implies We Have A Choice As To How We Express Our Feelings.

The Act Of Compassion Begins With Full Attention, Just As Rapport Does. You Have To Really See The Person. If You See The Person, Then Naturally, Empathy Arises. If You Tune Into The Other Person, You Feel With Them. If Empathy Arises, And If That Person Is In Dire Need, Then Empathic Concern Can Come. You Want To Help Them, And Then That Begins A Compassionate Act. So I'd Say That Compassion Begins With Attention.

Self-absorption In All Its Forms Kills Empathy, Let Alone Compassion. When We Focus On Ourselves, Our World Contracts As Our Problems And Preoccupations Loom Large. But When We Focus On Others, Our World Expands. Our Own Problems Drift To The Periphery Of The Mind And So Seem Smaller, And We Increase Our Capacity For Connection - Or Compassionate Action.

One Of The Leading Theories Of Why Electroconvulsive Therapy Is Effective For Most Severe Depressions Is That It Causes A Loss Of Short-term Memory - Patients Feel Better Because They Can't Remember Why They Were Sad.

I Don't Think Focus Is In Itself Ever A Bad Thing. But Focus Of The Wrong Kind, Or Managed Poorly, Can Be.

Well, Any Effort To Maximize Your Potential And Ability Is A Good Thing.

Who Does Not Recall School At Least In Part As Endless Dreary Hours Of Boredom Punctuated By Moments Of High Anxiety?

As Much As 80% Of Adult "success" Comes From Eq.

We Learn Best With Focused Attention. As We Focus On What We're Learning, The Brain Maps That Information On What We Already Know Making New Neural Connections

Want A Happier, More Content Life? I Highly Recommend The Down-to-earth Methods You'll Find In 'mindfulness.' Professor Mark Williams And Dr Danny Penman Have Teamed Up To Give Us Scientifically Grounded Techniques We Can Apply In The Midst Of Our Everyday Challenges And Catastrophes.

When It Comes To Exploring The Mind In The Framework Of Cognitive Neuroscience, The Maximal Yield Of Data Comes From Integrating What A Person Experiences - The First Person - With What The Measurements Show - The Third Person.

Our Brain Comes Hard-wired With An Urge To Play, One That Hurls Us Into Sociability. A Child's Play Both Demands And Creates Its Own Safe Space, One In Which She Can Confront Threats, Fears, And Dangers, But Always Come Through Whole. Play Offers A Child A Natural Way To Manage Feared Separations Or Abandonment, Rendering Them Instead Opportunities For Mastery And Self-discovery.

If You Do A Practice And Train Your Attention To Hover In The Present, Then You Will Build The Internal Capacity To Do That As Needed - At Will And Voluntarily.

The Emotional Brain Is Highly Attuned To Symbolic Meanings And To The Mode Freud Called The 'primary Process' - The Messages Of Metaphor, Story, Myth, The Arts.

Symbolic Meaning

Gifted Leadership Occurs When Heart And Head--feeling And Thought--meet. These Are The Two Winds That Allow A Leader To Soar.

A Leader Tuned Out Of His Internal World Will Be Rudderless; One Blind To The World Of Others Will Be Clueless; Those Indifferent To The Larger Systems Within Which They Operate Will Be Blindsided.

But The Rational Mind Usually Doesn't Decide What Emotions We "should" Have !

True Compassion Means Not Only Feeling Another's Pain But Also Being Moved To Help Relieve It.

School Success Is Not Predicted By A Child's Fund Of Facts Or A Precocious Ability To Read As Much As By Emotional And Social Measures; Being Self-assured And Interested: Knowing What Kind Of Behavior Is Expected And How To Rein In The Impulse To Misbehave; Being Able To Wait, To Follow Directions, And To Turn To Teachers For Help; And Expressing Needs While Getting Along With Other Children.

Every Morning, I Go Off To A Small Studio Behind My House To Write. I Try To Ignore All Email And Phone Calls Until Lunchtime. Then I Launch Into The Sometimes Frantic Busy-ness Of A Tightly Scheduled Day.

When I Say Manage Emotions, I Only Mean The Really Distressing, Incapacitating Emotions. Feeling Emotions Is What Makes Life Rich. You Need Your Passions.

Whoever Has The Mind To Fight Has Broken His Connection With The Universe. If You Try To Dominate People You Are Already Defeated. We Study How To Resolve Conflict, Not How To Start It.

Mindful Meditation Has Been Discovered To Foster The Ability To Inhibit Those Very Quick Emotional Impulses.

Meditation And Yoga

One Aspect Of A Successful Relationship Is Not Just How Compatible You Are, But How You Deal With Your Incompatibility.

Incompatibility

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