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Modern Marriage Is First And Foremost A Romantic And Private Union, But The Tax Laws And Inheritance Laws And Religious Implications That Still Surround This Institution Indicate That Marriage Has Evolved Without Casting Away Its Earlier Purposes Or Assumptions. It's Like We Just Keep Building On This Thing, Piling New Advancements On The Old Model.

-Elizabeth Gilbert

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Modern Marriage Is First

Elizabeth Gilbert

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Modern Marriage Is First And Foremost A Romantic And Private Union, But The Tax Laws And Inheritance Laws And Religious Implications That Still Surround This Institution Indicate That Marriage Has Evolved Without Casting Away Its Earlier Purposes Or Assumptions. It's Like We Just Keep Building On This Thing, Piling New Advancements On The Old Model.

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Your Problem Is You Don't Understand What That Word Means. People Think A Soul Mate Is Your Perfect Fit, And That's What Everyone Wants. But A True Soul Mate Is A Mirror, The Person Who Shows You Everything That's Holding You Back, The Person Who Brings You To Your Attention So You Can Change Your Life. A True Soul Mate Is Probably The Most Important Person You'll Ever Meet, Because They Tear Down Your Walls And Smack You Awake. But To Live With A Soul Mate Forever? Nah. Too Painful. Soul Mates, They Come Into Your Life Just To Reveal Another Layer Of Yourself To You, And Then They Leave.

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Everything Was A Miracle Until We Solved It. ... The First Man Who Ever Saw A Flying Fish Probably Thought He Was Witnessing A Miracle - And The First Man Who Ever Described A Flying Fish Was Doubtless Called A Liar.

He Endeared Himself To Me Forever The First Night We Met, When I Was Getting Frustrated With My Inability To Find The Words I Wanted In Italian, And He Put His Hand On My Arm And Said, "liz, You Must Be Very Polite With Yourself When You Are Learning Something New.

I Have Searched Frantically For Contentment For So Many Years In So Many Ways, And All The Acquisitions And Accomplishments- They Run You Down In The End.

To My Taste, The Men In Rome Are Ridiculously, Hurtfully, Stupidly Beautiful. More Beautiful Even Than Roman Women, To Be Honest. Italian Men Are Beautiful In The Same Way As French Women, Which Is To Say-- No Detail Spared In The Quest For Perfection. They’re Like Show Poodles. Sometimes They Look So Good I Want To Applaud.

Clearing Out All Your Misery Gets You Out Of The Way. You Cease Being An Obstacle, Not Only To Yourself But To Anyone Else. Only Then Are You Free To Serve And Enjoy Other People.

This Is A Good Sign, Having A Broken Heart. It Means We Have Tried For Something.

Listen To The Whispers Or Soon You Will Be Listening To The Screams.

The Beauty Of Doing Nothing

I Think Sometimes We Look At Other People's Marriages And We Think They Must Always Be So Happy Together. I Don't Know Anybody Who's Married For A Long Time Who Hasn't Somehow Made Room In Their Love Story For The Hate And Resentment That They Sometimes Feel Toward Each Other.

Yoga Is The Effort To Experience One's Divinity Personally And Then To Hold On To That Experience Forever.

Faith Is Belief In What You Cannot See Or Prove Or Touch. Faith Is Walking Face-first And Full-speed Into The Dark.

A Creative Life Is An Amplified Life. It's A Bigger Life, A Happier Life, An Expanded Life, And A Hell Of A Lot More Interesting Life. Living In This Manner-continually And Stubbornly Bringing Forth The Jewels That Are Hidden Within You-is A Fine Art, In And Of Itself.

We All Want Things To Stay The Same. Settle For Living In Misery Because We Are Afraid Of Change, Of Things Crumbling To Ruins. Ruin Is A Gift. Ruin Is The Road To Transformation.

There Are Times When The Only Access I Have To The Truest Person That I Am Is When I'm Alone And Trying To Solve A Sentence. It's Exciting, Even When It's Frustrating, Even When I Can't Do It Right.

I Equal Parts Loved Him And Could Not Stand Him. I Couldn't Wake Him To Share In My Distress.

Well, Just Remember--all Your Misery Will Be Waiting For You At The Door Upon Your Exit, Should You Care To Pick It Up Again When You Leave.

Just As There Exists In Writing A Literal Truth And A Poetic Truth, There Also Exists In A Human Being A Literal Anatomy And A Poetic Anatomy. One, You Can See; One, You Cannot. One Is Made Of Bones And Teeth And Flesh; The Other Is Made Of Energy And Memory And Faith. But They Are Both Equally True.

A Woman's Place Is In The Kitchen...sitting In A Comfortable Chair, With Her Feet Up, Drinking A Glass Of Wine And Watching Her Husband Cook Dinner.

Tis' Better To Live Your Own Life Imperfectly Than To Imitate Someone Else's Perfectly.

Marriage Is - Among Other Things - A Study In Contradiction And Disappointment, And Inside That Reality There Is Space For Us To Truly Learn How To Love.

I Am A Better Person When I Have Less On My Plate.

I'm A Pleaser. That's My Character.

If I Were Going To Have Such A Short Visit On Earth, I Had To Do Everything Possible To Experience It Now.

I Am Far More Of A Loner Than People Would Imagine. But I Am The Most Gregarious And Socially Interactive Loner You Ever Met. The Thing Is, I Am Fascinated By People's Stories And I'm Very Talkative And Can't Ever Say No To Anything Or Anyone, So I Tend To Over-socialize, To Give Away Too Much Of My Time To The Many People I Adore.

You Almost Can't Wait Too Long [to Get Married]. The Longer You Wait, The Better Off You Are Going To Be. And The Happier Your Kids Are Going To Be, And The Happier A Mom You Are Going To Be.

The Mysterious Magnet Is Either There, Buried Somewhere Deep Behind The Sternum, Or It Is Not.

Every Few Years, I Think, 'maybe Now I'm Finally Smart Enough Or Sophisticated Enough To Understand 'ulysses.'' So I Pick It Up And Try It Again. And By Page 10, As Always, I'm Like, 'what The Hell?'

Man Is A Demon, Man Is A God. Both True.

I Want To Have A Lasting Experience Of God.

We Search For Happiness Everywhere, But We Are Like Tolstoy's Fabled Beggar Who Spent His Life Sitting On A Pot Of Gold, Under Him The Whole Time. Your Treasure--your Perfection--is Within You Already. But To Claim It, You Must Leave The Buy Commotion Of The Mind And Abandon The Desires Of The Ego And Enter Into The Silence Of The Heart.

God Dwells Within You, As You.

Bali Eat Pray Love

Eat Pray And Love

I Think Another Way That You Can Really Harm Yourself As An Artist Is By Buying Into The Mythology That It's Really Important.

The More Exquisitely And Delightfully You Can Do Nothing, The Higher Your Life's Achievement.

Bali Eat Pray Love

I'm Not A Big Austen Reader. I Wouldn't Say I Dislike Her, But If I Had To Choose Between Her And Eliot To Bring To A Desert Island, It Would Definitely Be Eliot.

I Actually Have A Great Deal Of Respect For Antidepressants; I Think They Can Be Enormously Mighty Tools Toward Recovery.

My Restlessness Makes Me A Far Better Day-to-day Traveler Than He Will Ever Be. I Am Infinitely Curious And Almost Infinitely Patient With Mishaps, Discomforts, And Minor Disasters. So I Can Go Anywhere On The Planet—that’s Not A Problem. The Problem Is That I Just Can’t Live Anywhere On The Planet.

The World Is Like A Dropped Pie Most Of The Time. Don't Kill Yourself Trying To Put It Back Together. Just Grab A Fork And Eat Some Of It Off The Floor. Then Carry On.

Nothing Is Less Efficient Than Perfectionism.

I'm An Enormous Product Of My Century, I'm A Product Of My Upbringing. I Was Not Aware Of The Fact That I Was Entering Marriage With The Highest Set Of Expectations That Humans Have Ever Brought To The Institution. It Was Really Good To Find That Out. It Doesn't Have To Be The Alpha And The Omega, The Beginning And The End, The Moon And The Stars - It Can Just Be The Moon. It's Enough That It Just Can Be What It Is.

I Think There's More Real In The Unreal Than There Is In The Real.

When It Comes To Women, Get Your Life Together First. Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First. Figure Out Who You Are. Mature. And Then Go Find Somebody To Share That Life With.

Smile With Face, Smile With Mind, And Good Energy Will Come To You And Clean Away Dirty Energy.

I Can Honestly Say [that Writing] Is The Best Life There Is, Because You Get To Live Within The Realm Of Your Own Mind, And That Is A Profoundly Rare Human Privilege.

Your Home Is Whatever In This World You Love More Than You Love Yourself.

Unfenced By Law, The Unmarried Lover Can Quit A Bad Relationship At Any Time. But You - The Legally Married Person Who Wants To Escape Doomed Love - May Soon Discover That A Significant Portion Of Your Marriage Contract Belongs To The State, And That It Sometimes Takes A Very Long While For The State To Grant You Your Leave.

Bad Relationship

True Wisdom Gives The Only Possible Answer At Any Given Moment, And That Night, Going Back To Bed Was The Only Possible Answer.

What Kind Of Dog Is That?" I Would Always Give The Same Answer: "she's A Brown Dog." Similarly, When The Question Is Raised, "what Kind Of God Do You Believe In?" My Answer Is Easy: "i Believe In A Magnificent God.

Marriage Is Not A Game For The Young.

And Then, In That Regal Silence, Finally - I Began To Meditate On (and With) God.

I Never Promised The Universe That I Would Write Brilliantly; I Only Promised The Universe That I Would Write.

The Silly Putty-like Malleability Of The Institution [marriage], In Fact, Is The Only Reason We Still Have The Thing At All. Very Few People... Would Accept Marriage On It's Thirteenth-century Terms. Marriage Survives, In Other Words, Precisely Because It Evolves. (though I Suppose This Would Not Be A Very Persuasive Argument To Those Who Probably Also Don't Believe In Evolution).

I Will Tell You Why We Have These Extraordinary Minds And Souls, Miss Whittaker," He Continued, As Though He Had Not Heard Her. "we Have Them Because There Is A Supreme Intelligence In The Universe, Which Wishes For Communion With Us. This Supreme Intelligence Longs To Be Known. It Calls Out To Us. It Draws Us Close To Its Mystery, And Grants Us These Remarkable Minds, In Order That We Try To Reach For It. It Wants Us To Find It. It Wants Union With Us, More Than Anything.

I Am Alone, I Am All Alone, I Am Completely Alone. Grasping This Reality, I Let Go Of My Bag, Drop To My Knees And Press My Forehead Against The Floor. There, I Offer Up To The Universe A Fervent Prayer Of Thanks. First In English. Then In Italian. And Then - Just To Get The Point Across - In Sanskrit.

I've Read That Under Trauma, That You Have This Ability To Kind Of Disconnect From The Experience.

But Vegetarians Can Eat This...because Intestines Aren't Even Meat, Liz. They're Just Sh$*.

Astonishingly, At Some Point, A Sputtering Torch Was Thrust Into Her Hands. Alma Did Not See Who Gave It To Her. She Had Never Before Been Entrusted With Fire. The Torch Spit Sparks And Sent Chunks Of Flaming Tar Spinning Into The Air Behind Her As She Bolted Across The Cosmos-the Only Body In The Heavens Who Was Not Held To A Strict Elliptical Path. Nobody Stopped Her. She Was A Comet. She Did Not Know That She Was Not Flying.

Sometimes Life Is Too Hard To Be Alone, And Sometimes Life Is Too Good To Be Alone.

I Consider A Good Dinner Party At Our House To Be Where People Drink And Eat More Than They're Meant To.

When You're Lost In Those Woods, It Sometimes Takes You A While To Realize That You Are Lost. For The Longest Time, You Can Convince Yourself That You've Just Wandered Off The Path, That You'll Find Your Way Back To The Trailhead Any Moment Now. Then Night Falls Again And Again, And You Still Have No Idea Where You Are, And It's Time To Admit That You Have Bewildered Yourself So Far Off The Path That You Don't Even Know From Which Direction The Sun Rises Anymore.

A Lot Of [erotica] Was Really Interestingly Disguised In The 19th-century As Medical Journals. So It Would Be In The Voice Of A Learned Doctor Talking About Somebody's Pathologies. And Then It Would Get Really Detailed. And Then It Would Get Really Sweaty. And Then You're Like, "this Isn't A Doctor! I Would Like To See A Degree, Mister!"

So Now I Have Started Living My Own Life. Imperfect And Clumsy As It May Look, It Is Resembling Me Now, Thoroughly.

Todd's Mother Had Several Children By Different Fathers, And Todd [willingham] Had Been Abandoned In California. ... He's A Good-looking Man. He Was A Witty Man, You Know? Funny, Caring. He Wasn't Arrogant, But He Was Kind Of Set In His Ways. If He Thought Something, It Was One Way. You Could Show Him An Alternative, But He Was Still Going To Stick By His Particular View. But I Could See How To Women He Could Be A Very Charming, Good-looking Guy, Especially When He Was Younger.

Americans Have An Inability To Relax Into Sheer Pleasure.ours Is An Entertainment Seeking-nation, But Not Necessarily A Pleasure-seeking One....this Is The Cause Of That Great Sad American Stereotype- The Overstressed Executive Who Goes On Vacation, But Who Cannot Relax.

Pleasure Seeking

No Experience In This World Has Ever Been Cathartic Without The Willing Participation Of The Individual. Life Does Not Automatically Bestow Wisdom Or Growth Upon Anyone Just For Showing Up.

If You're Brave Enough To Leave Behind Everything Familiar And Comforting, Which Can Be Anything From Your House To Bitter, Old Resentments, And Set Out On A Truth-seeking Journey, Either Externally Or Internally, And If You Are Truly Willing To Regard Everything That Happens To You On That Journey As A Clue And If You Accept Everyone You Meet Along The Way As A Teacher And If You Are Prepared, Most Of All, To Face And Forgive Some Very Difficult Realities About Yourself, Then The Truth Will Not Be Withheld From You.

Devotion Is Diligence Without Assurance. If Faith Were Rational, It Wouldn't Be By Definition Faith. Faith Is Walking Face-first And Full Speed Into The Dark.

We Invented Marriage. Couples Invented Marriage. We Also Invented Divorce,mind You. And We Invented Infidelity,too, As Well As Romantic Misery. In Fact We Invented The Whole Sloppy Mess Of Love And Intimacy And Aversion And Euphoria And Failure. But Most Importantly Of All, Most Subversively Of All, Most Stubbornly Of All, We Invented Privacy.

Venice Is Beautiful, But Like A Bergman Movie Is Beautiful; You Can Admire It, But You Don't Really Want To Live In It.

The Bhagavad Gita—that Ancient Indian Yogic Text—says That It Is Better To Live Your Own Destiny Imperfectly Than To Live An Imitation Of Somebody Else’s Life With Perfection. So Now I Have Started Living My Own Life. Imperfect And Clumsy As It May Look, It Is Resembling Me Now, Thoroughly.

I Push Every Day Against Forces That Say You Have To Go Faster, Be More Effective, Be More Productive, You Have To Constantly Outdo Yourself, You Have To Constantly Outdo Your Neighbor - All Of The Stuff That Creates An Incredibly Productive Society, But Also A Very Neurotic One.

A Glorious Failure Can Sometimes Be More Life Affirming Than A Cautious Win.

Power Is A Neutral Energy Source, Like Tofu. It's What You Do With It That Gives It Flavor.

And We Have A Little Herb Garden, Which Survived The Winter Thanks To Global Warming. It Makes Me Feel Like A Cool, Old Italian Housewife, That I Kept My Rosemary Alive Outside All Winter.

So Sadness Is A Place?' Giovanni Asked. 'sometimes People Live There For Years,'i Said.

What Are You Willing To Give Up, In Order To Become Who You Really Need To Be?

Don't Be Afraid. Don't Be Daunted. Just Do Your Job. Continue To Show Up For Your Piece Of It, Whatever That Might Be.

Maybe It's Just Me But I Would Suspect That A Man Trying To Impress A Woman Would Be More Likely To Bring Out The Steak - "i Killed This For You, Now I'm Grilling It For You."

Fear Can Have A Voice, But It Doesn't Get A Vote.

Nobody's Life Is Interesting Enough To Warrant A Third Memoir.

The Story He [todd Willingham] Told Me Was This: He Woke Up To A Fire. He Ran Out Of The House And Couldn't Run Back In To Save His Children, And That Was Enough To Get Me Interested. ... There's A Writer In Me That's Like, ... This Is A Great Story. ... I Have A Good Friend, Who Was My Neighbor At The Time, And I Told Her About It. ... She Had Been A Reporter, And She Was Like, "let's Go Investigate It."

The Reality, Certainly In My Life, Is That We All Have Love Stories That Go Terribly Wrong; We All Have Horribly Broken Hearts. And Somehow We Endure. We're Not Destroyed By It.

I Never Wanted To Be The Person That Waited For A Stranger To Come To Town - I Wanted To Be The Stranger!

Stop Wearing Your Wishbone Where Your Backbone Ought To Be.

All The Parts Of Us That We Ever Were Are Always Going To Be With Us. You Make Space To Carry Them And You Just Try Not To Let Them Drive. But You Can't Chuck Them Out Either.

That Competition And The Struggle For Existence Is The Mechanism Behind This State Of Perpetual Change.

The Only Thing More Unthinkable Than Leaving Was Staying; The Only Thing More Impossible Than Staying Was Leaving. I Didn't Want To Destroy Anything Or Anybody. I Just Wanted To Slip Quietly Out The Back Door, Without Causing Any Fuss Or Consequences, And Then Not Stop Running Until I Reached Greenland.

Well, I Always Tried To Look Nice And Be Feminine Even In The Worst Tragedies And Crisis, There's No Reason To Add To Everyone's Misery By Looking Miserable Yourself. That's My Philosophy. This Is Why I Always Wore Makeup And Jewelry Into The Jungle-nothing Too Extravagant, But Maybe Just A Nice Gold Bracelet And Some Earrings, A Little Lipstick, Good Perfume. Just Enough To Show That I Still Had My Self-respect.

Depression On My Left, Loneliness On My Right. They Don't Need To Show Me Thier Badges. I Know These Guys Very Well.

The Fantasy Of The Wedding Day Is That It Represents Undeniable Public And Private Truth That You Have Been Chosen. For That One Day, You Are The Most Valuable Creature In The World - A Treasure, A Princess, A Prize.

Who Will Ever Kiss This Encyclopedia Of A Head?

If You're Going To Answer The Call And You're Going To Transform And You're Going To Change, Get Ready. It Is Not A Day At The Beach.

But Is It Such A Bad Thing To Live Like This For Just A Little While? Just For A Few Months Of One's Life, Is It So Awful To Travel Through Time With No Greater Ambition Than To Find The Next Lovely Meal? Or To Learn How To Speak A Language For No Higher Purpose Than That It Pleases Your Ear To Hear It? Or To Nap In A Garden, In A Patch Of Sunlight, In The Middle Of The Day, Right Next To Your Favourite Fountain? And Then To Do It Again The Next Day?

I Believe That - If You Are Serious About A Life Of Writing, Or Indeed About Any Creative Form Of Expression - That You Should Take On This Work Like A Holy Calling.

I See A Lot Of Women Who Can't Travel When They're Young, And Then Their Kids Grow Up And They Become Amazing Adventurers. Travel Is Not Only For The Young. Sometimes It's Wasted On The Young.

Parla Come Magni,' It Means, 'speak The Way You Eat,' Or In My Personal Translation: 'say It Like You Eat It.' It's A Reminder - When You're Making A Big Deal Out Of Explaining Something, When You're Searching For The Right Words - To Keep Your Language As Simple And Direct As Roman Rood. Don't Make A Big Production Out Of It. Just Lay It On The Table.

We Have Hands; We Can Stand On Them If We Want To. That's Our Privilege. That's The Joy Of A Mortal Body. And That's Why God Needs Us. Because God Loves To Feel Things Through Our Hands.

We Set Up One Rule In Our House, Which Is, 'guests Of Guests Cannot Bring Guests.' That Rule Was Required Because That Happened One Weekend, And We Finally Said, 'okay, You Know What? That's A Little Too Much.'

How Could Two People Who Were So In Love Not End Up Happily Ever After? It Had To Work. Didn’t It?

I Still Can’t Say Whether I Ever Want Children….i Can Only Say How I Feel Now--grateful To Be On My Own. I Also Know That I Won’t Go Forth And Have Children Just In Case I Might Regret Missing It Later In Life; I Don’t Think This Is A Strong Enough Motivation To Bring More Babies Onto The Earth.

As A Writer, You Always Read In Two Minds: You Read As A Reader And You Enjoy It, And You Look At It As A Writer, And You Just Admire The Architecture And The Construction.

I Said, "it Seems Like You Have Fond Feelings Toward Your Ex-wife. Are You Two Still Close?" "nah," He Said Casually. "she Thinks I Changed My Name To Motherfucker."

Once Henry Had Heard A Crying Noise At Sea, And Had Seen A Mermaid Floating On The Ocean's Surface. The Mermaid Had Been Injured By A Shark. Henry Had Pulled The Mermaid Out Of The Water With A Rope, And She Had Died In His Arms..."what Language Did The Mermaid Speak?" Alma Wanted To Know, Imagining That It Like Almost Have To Be Greek. "english!" Henry Said. "by God, Plum, Why Would I Rescue A Deuced Foreign Mermaid?

It's What I Call The Haute Couture, High-end Version Of Fear Perfectionism. It's Just Fear In Really Good Shoes. But It's Still Fear.

You Have The Opposite Of Poker Face. You Have Like.. Miniature Golf Face.

So When Modern-day Religious Conservatives Wax Nostalgic About How Marriage Is A Sacred Tradition That Reaches Back Into History For Thousands Of Uninterrupted Years, They Are Absolutely Correct, But In Only One Respect-only If They Happen To Be Talking About Judaism.

Whatever This Feeling Is - This Is What I Have Been Praying For. And This Is Also What I Have Been Praying To.

The Only Thing You Need To Do For Now Is Get Some Rest And Take Good Care Of Yourself Until You Do Know The Answer

Your Fear Is The Most Boring Thing About You.

Overcoming Fear

Eventually, Everything Goes Away.

You Know, I Think That Allowing Somebody, One Mere Person To Believe That He Or She Is Like, The Vessel You Know, Like The Font And The Essence And The Source Of All Divine, Creative, Unknowable, Eternal Mystery Is Just A Smidge Too Much Responsibility To Put On One Fragile, Human Psyche. It's Like Asking Somebody To Swallow The Sun.

The World Needs Women Who Stop Asking For Permission From The Principal. Permission To Live Their Lives As They Deeply Know They Often Should. I Think We Still Look To Authority Figures For Validation, Recognition, Permission.

Here Was Something I Already Knew To Be True About Myself: Just As There Are Some Wives Who Will Occasionally Need A Break From Their Husbands In Order To Visit A Spa For The Weekend With Their Girlfriends, I Will Always Be The Sort Of Wife Who Occasionally Needs A Break From Her Husband In Order To Visit Cambodia. Just For A Few Days!

My Heart Skipped A Beat And Then Flat-out Tripped Over Itself And Fell On Its Face. Then My Heart Stood Up, Brushed Itself Off, Took A Deep Breath And Announced: "i Want A Spiritual Teacher.

The Love That Moves The Sun And The Other Stars.

The Whole Sphere Of Air That Surrounds Us, Alma, Is Alive With Invisible Attractions — Electric, Magnetic, Fiery And Thoughtful. There Is A Universal Sympathy All Around Us… When We Cease All Argument And Debate — Both Internal And External — Our True Questions Can Be Heard And Answered…that Is The Gathering Of Magic.

Traveling-to-a-place Energy And Living-in-a-place Energy Are Two Fundamentally Different Energies

Just Having Walked Into A Prison Environment, Sat There For Two Hours, The Effect That It Had On Me. ... I Couldn't Imagine The Effect It Would Have On A Person 24 Hours A Day. So Then I Became More Intrigued, And We Began A Correspondence, And I Began Visiting [todd Willingham].

I Guess What I Want To Learn Is How To Live In This World And Enjoy Its Delights But Also Devote Myself To God.

People Always Fall In Love With The Most Perfect Aspects Of Each Other's Personalities. Who Wouldn't? Anybody Can Love The Most Wonderful Parts Of Another Person. But That's Not The Clever Trick. The Really Clever Trick Is This: Can You Accept The Flaws? Can You Look At Your Partner's Faults Honestly And Say, 'i Can Work Around That. I Can Make Something Out Of It.'? Because The Good Stuff Is Always Going To Be There, And It's Always Going To Pretty And Sparkly, But The Crap Underneath Can Ruin You.

When You Want To Do Something Creative And You Want To Do Something New, You Have To Start With The Thing That's Making You Want To Jump Up Out Of Bed In The Morning.

You Are Still Young, So You Think Only Of Your Own Self. You Do Not Notice The Tribulations That Occur All Around You, To Other People. Do Not Protest; It Is True. I Am Not Condemning You. I Was As Selfish As You, When I Was Your Age. It Is The Custom Of The Young To Be Selfish... But Someday You Will Understand That Nobody Passes Through This World Without Suffering-no Matter What You Think Of Them And Their Supposed Good Fortune.

I Spent A Week Living As A Man. Which Was Actually, I'm Sorry To Say, Embarrassingly Easy For Me To Do.

Deep Grief Sometimes Is Almost Like A Specific Location, A Coordinate On A Map Of Time. When You Are Standing In That Forest Of Sorrow, You Cannot Imagine That You Could Ever Find Your Way To A Better Place. But If Someone Can Assure You That They Themselves Have Stood In That Same Place, And Now Have Moved On, Sometimes This Will Bring Hope

So Miss Him. Send Him Some Love And Light Every Time You Think About Him, Then Drop It.

I Believe In Miracles, I Believe In The Law Of Attraction, But Even I Don't Think I'm Big Enough To Manifest Five Asian Elephants Cloaked In Gold.

I Am Determined To Make The Most Of This Life That I Have, Damn It - It's That Kind Of Stubbornness I Think We All Need More Of.

The Mosquitoes Here Are Big Enough To Rape A Chicken.

As I Got Older, I Discovered That Nothing Within Me Cried Out For A Baby. My Womb Did Not Seem To Have Come Equipped With That Famously Ticking Clock. Unlike So Many Of My Friends, I Did Not Ache With Longing Whenever I Saw An Infant. (though I Did Ache With Longing, It Is True, Whenever I Saw A Good Used-book Shop)

Zen Masters Say You Cannot See Your Reflection In Running Water, Only In Still Water.

Everything Really Is Going To Be Okay. (and If Not Okay, Then At Least Comic.)

I Was Full Of A Hot, Powerful Sadness And Would Have Loved To Burst Into The Comfort Of Tears, But Tried Hard Not To, Remembering Something My Guru Once Said -- That You Should Never Give Yourself A Chance To Fall Apart Because, When You Do, It Becomes A Tendency And It Happens Over And Over Again. You Must Practice Staying Strong, Instead.

There Is So Much About My Fate That I Cannot Control, But Other Things Do Fall Under The Jurisdiction. I Can Decide How I Spend My Time, Whom I Interact With, Whom I Share My Body And Life And Money And Energy With. I Can Select What I Can Read And Eat And Study. I Can Choose How I'm Going To Regard Unfortunate Circumstances In My Life-whether I Will See Them As Curses Or Opportunities. I Can Choose My Words And The Tone Of Voice In Which I Speak To Others. And Most Of All, I Can Choose My Thoughts.

Happiness Is The Consequence Of Personal Effort. You Fight For It, Strive For It, Insist Upon It, And Sometimes Even Travel Around The World Looking For It. You Have To Participate Relentlessly In The Manifestations Of Your Own Blessings. And Once You Have Achieved A State Of Happiness, You Must Never Become Lax About Maintaining It. You Must Make A Mighty Effort To Keep Swimming Upward Into That Happiness Forever, To Stay Afloat On Top Of It.

What I Object To Is The Hyper-fetishized Wedding Day, The Prioritizing Of Wedding Over Marriage. I Have A Real Problem With Couples Spending Far More Time Discussing The Seating Arrangement Or The Color Of The Bridesmaid's Gowns Than Hashing Out, For Instance, Their Feelings About How They Intend To Handle Questions Of Housework, Child-rearing, Finances And Fidelity For The Next Four Or Five Decades.

Ruin Is A Gift. Ruin Is The Road To Transformation.

Having A Baby Is Like Getting A Tattoo On Your Face. You Really Need To Be Certain It's What You Want Before You Commit.

I Was A Veritable Johnny Appleseed Of Grand Expectations, And All I Reaped For My Trouble Was A Harvest Of Bitter Fruit.

If I Could Read While I Was Driving, Showering, Socializing Or Sleeping, I Would Do It.

If Todd [willingham] Was Guilty Of Anything, It Was Just His Self-preservation. He Got Up And Ran Out Of The House And Then Thought About The Children After The Fact.

I Am Not An Expert At Praying, As You Know. But Can You Please Help Me? I Am In Desperate Need Of Help. I Don't Know What To Do. I Need An Answer. Please Tell Me What To Do.

I Think The Thing That I Lost In Myself When I Stopped Writing Fiction And The Thing That I Rediscovered And Started Mining Again Is, For Lack Of A Better Word, Magic. It's The Way You Can Brush Up Against The Inexplicable And The Mystical.

To Feel Physically Comfortable With Someone Else's Body Is Not A Decision You Make. It Has Very Little Thing To Do With How Two People Think Or Act Or Talk Or Even Look. The Mysterious Magnet Is Either There, Buried Somewhere Deep Behind The Sternum, Or It Is Not.

Decisions You Make

The Day Is Ending. It's Time For Something That Was Beautiful To Turn Into Something Else That Is Beautiful. Now, Let Go.

Eat Pray And Love

I Want To Have A Lasting Experience With God. Sometimes I Feel Like I Understand The Divinity Of This World, But Then I Loose It Because I Get Distracted By My Petty Desires And Fears. I Want To Be With God All The Time. But I Don't Want To Be A Monk, Or Totally Give Up Worldly Pleasures. I Guess What I Want To Learn Is How To Leave In This World And Enjoy Its Delights, But Also Elevate Myself To God.

Dear Me, How I Love A Library.

Nobody Until Very Recently Would Have Thought That Their Husband Was Supposed To Be Their Best Friend, Confidante, Intellectual Soul Mate, Co-parent, Inspiration.

It's Not Enough For Me To Just Hear About Something Or Read About Something, I Wanna Know It In My Bones.

How Much Do You Love Me?' And "who's In Charge?" ....these Two Questions Of Love And Control Undo Us All, Trip Us Up And Cause War, Grief, And Suffering. People Follow Different Paths, Straight Or Crooked, According To Their Temperament, Depending On Which They Consider Best, Or Most Appropriate -- And All Reach You, Just As Rivers Enter The Ocean.

I See Women Who Have This Struggle Between What They Know Is Right, What They Know Is Necessary, What They Know Is Healthy, What They Know Is Good For Them, What They Know Is Good For The Work That They Need To Do, What They Know Is Good For Their Bodies, What They Know Is Good For Their Families - All Too Often Ending That Statement With The Upturned Question Mark: "if It's Okay With Everyone?" Still Asking, Still Requesting, Still Filing Petitions For Somebody To Say That It's All Right.

I Do Forget Sometimes How Much It Means For Certain Men—for Certain People—to Be Able To Provide Their Loved Ones With Material Comforts And Protection At All Times. I Forget How Dangerously Reduced Some Men Can Feel When That Basic Ability Has Been Stripped From Them. I Forget How Much That Matters To Men, What It Represents.

We’re Miserable Because We Think That We Are Mere Individuals, Alone With Our Fears And Flaws And Resentments And Mortality. We Wrongly Believe That Our Limited Little Egos Constitute Our Whole Entire Nature. We Have Failed To Recognize Our Deeper Divine Character.

You May Return Here Once You Have Fully Come To Understand That You Are Always Here.

It's Still Two Human Beings Trying To Get Along, So It's Going To Be Complicated. And Love Is Always Complicated. But Humans Must Try To Love Each Other, Darling. We Must Get Our Hearts Broken Sometimes. This Is A Good Sign, Having A Broken Heart. It Means We Have Tried For Something.

The Yogic Path Is About Disentangling The Built-in Glitches Of The Human Condition, Which I'm Going To Over-simply Define Here As The Heartbreaking Inability To Sustain Contentment.

If We Never Leave Our House Except To Drive To Work, Do We Need To Be Even Remotely Aware Of This Powerful, Humbling, Extraordinary And Eternal Life Force That Surges And Ebbs Around Us All The Time? Apparently Not. Because We Have Stopped Paying Attention.

This Is What Rituals Are For. We Do Spiritual Ceremonies As Human Beings In Order To Create A Safe Resting Place For Our Most Complicated Feelings Of Joy Or Trauma, So That We Don't Have To Haul Those Feelings Around With Us Forever, Weighing Us Down. We All Need Such Places Of Ritual Safekeeping. And I Do Believe That If Your Culture Or Tradition Doesn't Have The Specific Ritual You Are Craving, Then You Are Absolutely Permitted To Make Up A Ceremony Of Your Own Devising, Fixing Your Own Broken-down Emotional Systems With All The Do-it-yourself Resourcefulness Of A Generous Plumber/poet.

Watch For The People Whose Eyes Light Up When You Talk About Your Dream. Those Are The People You Keep.

He Told Me That One Of The Reasons People Are So Unhappy Is They Don't Talk To Themselves. He Said You Have To Keep A Conversation Going With Yourself Throughout Your Life To See How You're Doing, To Keep Your Focus, To Remain Your Own Friend. He Told Me That He Talked To Himself All The Time, And That It Helped Him To Grow Stronger And Better Everyday.

Embrace The Beautiful Mess That You Are.

Modern Marriage Is First And Foremost A Romantic And Private Union, But The Tax Laws And Inheritance Laws And Religious Implications That Still Surround This Institution Indicate That Marriage Has Evolved Without Casting Away Its Earlier Purposes Or Assumptions. It's Like We Just Keep Building On This Thing, Piling New Advancements On The Old Model.

Destiny, I Feel, Is Also A Relationship - A Play Between Divine Grace And Willful Self-effort.

When I Tried This Morning, After An Hour Or So Of Unhappy Thinking, To Dip Back Into My Meditation, I Took A New Idea With Me: Compassion. I Asked My Heart If It Could Please Infuse My Soul With A More Generous Perspective On My Mind's Workings. Instead Of Thinking That I Was A Failure, Could I Perhaps Accept That I Am Only A Human Being--and A Normal One, At That?

The Yogic Sages Say That All The Pain Of A Human Life Is Caused By Words, As Is All The Joy. We Create Words To Define Our Experience And Those Words Bring Attendant Emotions That Jerk Us Around Like Dogs On A Leash. We Get Seduced By Our Own Mantras (i'm A Failure I'm Lonely I'm A Failure I'm Lonely) And We Become Monuments To Them. To Stop Talking For A While, Then, Is To Attempt To Strip Away The Power Of Words, To Stop Choking Ourselves With Words, To Liberate Ourselves From Our Suffocating Mantras.

Creative People Always Suffer From Depression Because We're So Super Sensitive And Special?

Oh, Cold World -- I Have Grown So Weary Of You And All Your Horrible Bathrooms.

Beauty Is Not Required. Beauty Is Accuracy's Distraction.

But I Don't Know How Much More Socializing I Can Do, Felipe. I Only Have The One Dress. People Will Start To Notice That I'm Wearing The Same Thing All The Time." "you're Young And Beautiful, Darling. You Only Need The One Dress

It Used To Be That God Was Revealed In The Wonders Of Nature; Now God Was Being Challenged By Those Same Wonders. Scholars Were Now Required To Choose One Side Or The Other.

I'm Choosing Happiness Over Suffering, I Know I Am. I'm Making Space For The Unknown Future To Fill Up My Life With Yet-to-come Surprises.

The Number 108 Is Held To Be The Most Auspicious, A Perfect Three-digit Multiple Of Three, Its Components Adding Up To 9, Which Is Three Threes. And 3, Of Course, Is The Number Representing Supreme Balance.

A Soul Mates Purpose Is To Shake You Up, Tear Apart Your Ego A Little Bit, Show You Your Obstacles And Addictions, Break Your Heart Open So New Light Can Get In, Make You So Desperate And Out Of Control That You Have To Transform Your Life, Then Introduce You To Your Spiritual Master.

I Have A Lot Of Trouble Forgiving Myself For Being So Dumb... But Yes, Of Course, The Big Generous Compassionate View That You Should Take Of Yourself And Of All Events Is: What A Glorious Circus Train This Has Been, And What A Wonderful Messy Parade, And All Of Those Steps Took Me Here, Where I Precisely Need To Be Now, So God Bless It.

It Has Never Been Easy For Me To Understand Why People Work So Hard To Create Something Beautiful, But Then Refuse To Share It With Anyone, For Fear Of Criticism.

Mistakes Will Be Made. Failure Will Occur. You Pick Yourself Up And Carry On.

Pick Yourself Up

Do Not Apologize For Crying. Without This Emotion, We Are Only Robots.

The Problem, Simply Put, Is That We Cannot Choose Everything Simultaneously. So We Live In Danger Of Becoming Paralyzed By Indecision, Terrified That Every Choice Might Be The Wrong Choice.

[italian Men] Are Like Show Poodles. Sometimes They Look So Good I Want To Applaud.

Someone Asked Me If I Would Like To Write A Man On Death Row, Be A Pen Pal, And I Was Like, Sure. I Volunteered. I Had Been In A Place In My Life - A Relationship Had Ended; My Parents Were Getting Elderly - I Was Kind Of Adrift. The Name That Was Given To Me, Just Randomly, Was Todd Willingham. And He Wrote Me A Letter, And In This Letter, He Thanked Me For Writing Him And [said That] If I Would Like To Visit, He Would Put Me On His Visitor List... I Was Just Really Struck By The Letter From Todd. It Was Very Polite; It Was Very Kind.

I Think A Lot Of People Who Feel As Though They Desperately Want To Be Married Oftentimes Simply Desperately Want To Have A Wedding.

Felipe And I, As We Discover To Our Delight, Are A Perfectly Matched, Genetically Engineered Belly-to-belly Success Story.

Most Of All, I Can Choose My Thoughts.

Bali Eat Pray Love

True Power Comes From Standing In Your Own Truth And Walking Your Own Path.

God Wants Us To Be In Joy, God Wants Us To Be Happy.

But Never Again Use Another Person's Body Or Emotions As A Scratching Post For Your Own Unfulfilling Yearnings.

Who Amongst Us Lives Without Sacrifice?

Without Sacrifice

Infatuation Is Not Quite The Same Thing As Love; It's More Like Love's Shady Second Cousin Who's Always Borrowing Money And Can't Hold Down A Job.

As Smoking Is To The Lungs, So Is Resentment To The Soul; Even One Puff Is Bad For You.

There's Nothing Special About Your Fear.

Most Of Us, Even If Only For Two Minutes In Our Lives, Have Experienced At Some Time Or Another An Inexplicable And Random Sense Of Complete Bliss, Unrelated To Anything That Was Happening In The Outside World.

I Have More Compassion Than If I Had Led A Life Where Everything Worked Out Exactly As I Had Planned Or If I Had Never Been Wounded Or If I Had Never Been Betrayed Or I Had Never Been Harmed. I Don't Think I Would Be As Good A Person.

The Nineteenth Century Was The Last Moment In History When A Relatively Educated Layperson Could Follow What Was Going On In The World Of Science And Invention To A Wide Degree. Also, There Were No "professionals". This Was A Time When Amateur Explorers, Naturalists And Enthusiasts Were Are Still Making Major Contributions To Progress.

What Happens And What You Encounter, What You Collide With - It's So Exciting And Revealing About How Much More Interesting And Tricky The Universe Is Than We Think In Our Daily Lives.

Every Intimacy Carries Secreted Somewhere Below Its Initial Lovely Surfaces, The Ever-coiled Makings Of Complete Catastrophe.

There Is A Theory That If You Yearn Sincerely Enough For A Guru, You Will Find One. The Universe Will Shift, Destiny's Molecules Will Get Themselves Organized And Your Path Will Soon Intersect With The Path Of The Master You Need.

I Have Far More Enthusiasm In Life Than I Have Actual Energy. In My Excitement, I Routinely Take On More That I Can Physically Or Emotionally Handle, Which Causes Me To Break Down In Quite Predictable Displays Of Dramatic Exhaustion. You Will Be The One Burdened With The Job Of Mopping Me Up Every Time I've Overextended Myself And Then Fallen Apart. This Will Be Unbelievably Tedious. I Apologize In Advance.

Admittedly, I Am Not The One Who Looks Fantastic In Everything, But Still I Cannot Help Loving Myself.

I Won The Argument Against The Knife That Night, But Barely. I Had Some Other Good Ideas Around That Time--about How Jumping Off A Building Or Blowing My Brains Out With A Gun Might Stop The Suffering. But Something About Spending A Night With A Knife In My Hand Did It. The Next Morning I Called My Friend Susan As The Sun Came Up, Begged Her To Help Me. I Don't Think A Woman In The Whole History Of My Family Had Ever Done That Before, Had Ever Sat In The Middle Of The Road Like That And Said, In The Middle Of Her Life, "i Cannot Walk Another Step Further--somebody Has To Help Me.

The Great Sufi Poet And Philosopher Rumi Once Advised His Students To Write Down The Three Things They Most Wanted In Life. If Any Item On The List Clashes With Any Other Item, Rumi Warned, You Are Destined For Unhappiness.

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