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It’s Called Two And A Half Men,” Dermot Was Telling His Guest. “i Understand,” Bellenos Said. “because The Two Brothers Are Grown, And The Son Isn’t.” “i Think So,” Dermot Said. “don’t You Think The Son Is Useless?” “the Half? Yes. At Home, We’d Eat Him,” Bellenos Said.

-Charlaine Harris

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It’s Called Two And

Charlaine Harris

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It’s Called Two And A Half Men,” Dermot Was Telling His Guest. “i Understand,” Bellenos Said. “because The Two Brothers Are Grown, And The Son Isn’t.” “i Think So,” Dermot Said. “don’t You Think The Son Is Useless?” “the Half? Yes. At Home, We’d Eat Him,” Bellenos Said.

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My Gran Had Always Told Me That A Woman--any Woman Worth Her Salt--could Do Whatever She Had To.

I Was Surprised To Find Out There Was A Direct Line From My Palm To My, My, Hootchie.

He Picked Some Unwise Words. Saying, “i’ll Enjoy Killing You For My Lord”, Is Just Not The Way To Make My Acquaintance.

You Won't Find A Vampire In A Ford Fiesta

Eric Followed Vlad Tepes’s Stubby Finger, Identifying Me As The Future Happy Meal. Then He Stared At Dracula, Looking Up From His Kneeling Position. I Couldn’t Read His Face At All, And I Felt A Stirring Of Fear. What Would Charlie Brown Have Done If The Great Pumpkin Wanted To Eat The Little Red-haired Girl?

As I Climbed Up Into The High Old Bed, The Large Fly In My Personal Ointment Did The Same. Had I Actually Told Him He Could Get In Bed With Me? Well, I Decided, As I Wriggled Down Under The Soft Old Sheets And The Blanket And The Comforter, If Eric Had Designs On Me, I Was Just Too Tired To Care. "woman?" "hmmm?" "what's Your Name?" "sookie. Sookie Stackhouse." "thank You, Sookie." "welcome, Eric.

Softie Was Not A Word You Could Use In The Same Sentence As Eric.

You've Reached Fantasia, Where The Undead Live Again Every Night," "for Bar Hours, Press One. To Make A Party Reservation, Press Two. To Talk To Alive Person Or A Dead Vampire, Press Three. Or, If You Were Intending To Leave A Humorous Prank Message On Our Answering Machine, Know This: We Will Find You.

I’d Always Enjoyed Life, And I Knew I Would Again. But I Was Going To Have To Slog Through A Lot Of Bad Patches To Get There

I'm Supposed To Be A Christian, But Most Days I Don't Feel Like I Can Even Presume To Say That About Myself Any Longer. I Have A Lot Of Mad Left Over. When I Can't Sleep, I Think About The Other People Who Didn't Care How Much Pain And Trouble They Caused Me. And I Think About How Good I'd Feel If They Died.

Anyone Got X-ray Visión?i Asked, Trying To Smile. Where Is Superman When You Need Him?

You Might Have Been Paid Back Enough To Suit You" I Said, "but I Don't Know If You've Been Paid Back Enough To Suit Me.

I Was Momentarily Sidetracked By The Vision Of Eric Herding A Cow Into A Trailer And Driving It To The Shoulder Of The The Interstate And Shooing It Into The Trees.

I Freely Admit I Know Nothing About Television Or Writing For The Screen.

I Hurt With You. I Bled With You - Not Only Because We're Bonded But Because Of The Love I Have For You. -- Eric Northman

But There's A Juicy Artery In Your Groin," He Said After A Pause To Regroup, His Voice As Slithery As A Snake On A Slide. "don't You Talk Dirty," I Told Him. "i Won't Listen To That.

Not One Man In A Million Would Have Allowed Me The Time Without Speaking. I Opened My Mind, Let My Gaurd Down Completely, Relaxed. His Silence Washed Over Me. I Stood, Closed My Eyes, Breathed Out The Relief That Was Too Profound For Words.

Well, That's Certainly... Adequate," I Told Him, Burying My Face In His Chest. I Knew Immediately I'd Picked The Wrong Word. "adequate?" He Took My Hand, Placed It On The Part In Question. It Immediately Began To Stir. He Moved My Hand On It, And I Obligingly Circled It With My Fingers. "this Is Adequate?" "maybe I Should Have Said It's A Gracious Plenty?" "a Gracious Plenty. I Like That," He Said.

If It's Easy To Be Friendly She Will Be. If The Wind Blows The Other Way Her Friendship Will Be Gone. And I'm Thinking The Wind Is Blowing The Other Way. She Has Found Some Other Way To Be An Important Person In Her Own Right By Hating Others.

The God Entered Some Women So Completely That They Became Immortal, Or Very Close To It. Bacchus Was The God Of The Grape, Of Course, So Bars Are Very Interesting To Maenads. In Fact, So Interesting That They Don't Like Other Creatures Of Darkness Becoming Involved. Maenads Consider That The Violence Sparked By The Consumption Of Alcohol Belongs To Them; That's What They Feed Off, Now That No One Formally Worships Their God. And They Are Attracted To Pride.

When You're A Professional You Do Your Job No Matter What Gets In The Way. You Might Take A Sick Day, You Might Take A Personal Day, But Then You Show Back Up Or You Won't Get Paid. Everyone Develops His/her Own Strategy For Dealing With Days That Are Not Productive.

As The Water Pounded On My Back, I Reflected That I Must Be Pretty Simple. It Didn't Take Much To Make Me Happy. A Long Night With A Dead Guy Had Done The Trick.

I've Got Libraries In My Blood.

Well In Two Months, It'd Be Sunbathing Time. That Made Me Smile. I Enjoyed Lying In The Sun In A Little Bikini, Timing Myself Carefully So I Didn't Burn. I Loved The Smell Of Coconut Oil. And I Don't Want To Hear Any Lectures About How Bad Tanning Is For You. That's My Vice. Everybody Gets One.

My Bodyguard Was Mowing The Lawn In A Pink Bikini When The Body Fell From The Sky.

My Brother, Jason, Came Into The Bar, Then, And Sauntered Over To Give Me A Hug. He Knows That Women Like A Man Who's Good To His Family And Also Kind To The Disabled, So Hugging Me Is A Double Whammy Of Recommendation.

I Have Lived One Step Away From Losing My Mind For Years. I Am Quick And Accurate In Spotting Unstable Streaks In Others.

It's Hard Not To Respond When A Master Of The Art Of Kissing Is Laying One On You.

No Matter What Happens In Public—no Matter What—don’t Doubt That I Love You And Care About Your Welfare . . . As Much As I Am Able.

Should I Just Bite You, And End It All?", He Whispered. "i Would Never Have To Think About You Again. Thinking About You Is An Annoying Habit And One I Want To Be Rid Of.

Thinking About You

Life Had Sure Been Simpler When I Hadn't Dated.

I Had Never Realized A Woman Could Have To Struggle To Keep Her Hands Off A Man, But Here I Was, Digging My Nails Into My Palms, Staring At The Inside Of My Eyelids As Though I Could Maybe See Through Them If I Peered Hard Enough.

She Killed Lorena In A Fight?" Eric's Grin Grew Even Broader. He Was As Proud As If He'd Heard His Firstborn Reciting Shakespeare.

Eric Moved The Broom Experimentally And Made An Attempt To Sweep The Glass Into The Pan While It Lay In The Middle Of The Floor. Of Course, The Pan Slid Away. Eric Scowled. I'd Finally Found Something Eric Did Poorly.

I Am Here," Eric Said. "and I Am Here." I Was A Little Amused At Eric's Phone Answering Technique. "sookie, My Little Bullet-sucker," He Said, Sounding Fond And Warm. "eric, My Big Bullshitter.

It’s Called Two And A Half Men,” Dermot Was Telling His Guest. “i Understand,” Bellenos Said. “because The Two Brothers Are Grown, And The Son Isn’t.” “i Think So,” Dermot Said. “don’t You Think The Son Is Useless?” “the Half? Yes. At Home, We’d Eat Him,” Bellenos Said.

Though I Was Standing In Front Of A Mirror, I Wasn't Really Seeing My Reflection. I Was Seeing, Very Clearly, That—at The Moment—i Was All In The World That Eric Could Think Of As His Own. I Had Better Not Fail Him.

The Sookie Stackhouse Novels Were Selling Well Before The Tv Show, But The Tv Show Led To A Lot More Exposure And Readers. And A Lot Went On To Read My Other Work. It Was A Wonderful Thing For My Bank Account.

My Eyes Flew Open, And I Pushed Back Against Rock-hard Shoulders. I Let Out A Little Squeak Of Horror. "it's Me," Said A Familiar Voice. ..."eric, What Are You Doing Here?" "snuggling.

If I Quit Having Fun, Then It's Time For Me To Quit Working.

I Am A Woman, Hear Me Roar," I Said. Gosh, What Prompted That?" Amelia Asked, And I Jumped

You Never Told Me All This Before," I Said, By Way Of Explanation. "you All Have Divided Up America Into Kingdoms, Is That Right?

Finally, I Drew In A Long Breath. It Was Noisy And Painful And Just Heaven.

The Security Light Made Me Feel Safe, Though I Knew That Was An Illusion. If There's Light, You Can Just See What's Coming For You A Little More Clearly.

My Mother Finally Took Me To A Child Psychologist, Who Knew Exactly What I Was, But She Just Couldn’t Accept It And Kept Trying To Tell My Folks I Was Reading Their Body Language And Was Very Observant, So I Had Good Reason To Imagine I Heard People’s Thoughts. Of Course, She Couldn’t Admit I Was Literally Hearing People’s Thoughts Because That Just Didn’t Fit Into Her World.

The World Seemed A Bad And Terrible Place, All Its Denizens Suspect, And I The Lamb Wandering Through The Valley Of Death With A Bell Around My Neck.

Ha," I Said. "oh, Ha-ha. Yeah, ’cause They Love Me. You See How Many Vampires Are Up Here? Zero, Right?" One," Said Eric, Stepping Out Of The Stairwell.

All The Pictures On The Walls, They All White As Lilies And Smiling Like Alligators.

God Bless The American Spectator.

Eric,” She Said, “maybe Someday One Of The Waitresses Will Get Pregnant, And We Can Go To A Baby Shower!” “that Would Be Something To See,” Said Eric

We Might Be On The Same Page, But I Wasn't Happy About Reading It.

No Matter How We Suffer, We Have An Obligation To Others. We Have To Be Unselfish Enough To Try To Live In The Right Way, So Others Can Get Through Their Own Lives Without Us Fouling Them Up.

I Said The First Thing That Came Into My Head Unfortunately. "save The Drama For Your Mama " I Told Her Just Like An Eleven-year-old.

Angelic Sookie, Vision Of Love And Beauty, I Am Prostrate That The Wicked Evil Maenad Violated Your Smooth And Voluptuous Body, In An Attempt To Deliver A Message To Me. -eric

Following Simon's Adventures Is Like Being The Pinball In An Especially Antic Game, But It's Well Worth The Wear And Tear.

If This Were The Fifties, She’d Be Checking Sam’s Collars For Lipstick Stains. (did People Do That Anymore? Why Did Women Kiss Collars, Anyway? Besides, Sam Almost Always Wore T-shirts.)

Self-pity Is Like Chocolate; As You Get Older, You Can Only Afford A Little Bit.

Are You A Prude?' He Seemed Genuinely Curious. 'no!' But After A Second, I Said, 'but May Be Compared To You, Yes! I Like My Privacy. I Get To Decide Who Sees Me Naked. Do You Get My Point?' 'yes. Objectively Speaking, You Have Beautiful Points.' I Thought The Top Of My Head Would Pop Off... (sookie Stackhouse & Claude, Dead In The Family)

‎should We Do This Now?" Pam Gave An Almost Inaudible Snort. She Was Smiling In The Glow Of The Streetlight, Suddenly Exhilarated. "you Waiting For An Engraved Invite?" Lord Save Me From Sarcastic Vampires.

It's A Sad Comment On Humans That None Of Them Are Tolerable To One Who Can Read Their Minds

Of Course I Am Grateful, And I'm Sure You Are, As You Put It, A Special Vintage," Bill Said Politely, "but I Have My Own Wine Cellar.

Very Few Of My Characters Are Totally Heroic Or Totally Villainous.

Silver, Gold - I Don't Discriminate! I Like Sparkly Things.

If I Have To Choose Between You And Me - I Like Me Better.

Between You And Me

"i'm Hoping That The More You See Me, The More I'll Grow On You." "like A Fungus?

Sookie Stackhouse

Eric Was Holding My Hands, And I Was Digging My Nails Into Him Like We Were Doing Something Else. He Won't Mind, I Though, As I Realized I'd Drawn Blood. And Sure Enough, He Didn't. "let Go," He Advised Me, And I Loosened My Grip On His Hands. "no, Not Of Me," He Said Smiling. "you Can Hold On To Me As Long As You Want.

Glass Shattered, Vampires Roared, Humans Screamed. The Noise Battered At Me, Just As The Tidal Wave Of Scores Of Brains At High Gear Washed Over Me. When It Began To Taper Off, I Looked Up Into Eric's Eyes. Incredibly, He Was Excited. He Smiled At Me. "i Knew I'd Get On Top Of You Somehow," He Said. Are You Trying To Make Me Mad So I'll Forget How Scared I Am?" No, I'm Just Opportunistic." I Wiggled, Trying To Get Out From Under Him, And He Said, "oh, Do That Again. It Felt Great.

A Year Ago,' I Said, 'you Wouldn’t Have Asked This Of Me.' 'a Year Ago,' He Answered, 'you Wouldn’t Have Hesitated To Drink.' I Crossed To The Desk And Tossed It Down.

Okay," I Said. "i'd Hoped To Avoid This, But... Bill, I Rescind Your Invitation Into My House." Bill Began Walking Backward To The Door, A Helpless Look On His Face, And My Brush Still In His Hand. Eric Grinned At Him Triumphantly. "eric," I Said, And His Smile Faded. "i Rescind Your Invitation Into My House." And Backward He Went, Out My Door And Off My Porch. The Door Slammed Shut Behind (or Maybe In Front Of?) Them.

I Added To My Mental List Of The Odd Things I'd Done That Day. I'd Entertained The Police, Sunbathed, Visited At A Mall With Some Fairies, Weeded And Killed Someone. Now It Was Powdered-corpse Removal Time. And The Day Wasn't Over Yet.

People Fidget. They Are Compelled To Look Engaged In An Activity, Or Purposeful. Vampires Can Just Occupy Space Without Feeling Obliged To Justify It.

My Favorite Fantasy? You Come Down Into My Daytime Resting Place Stark Naked," He Said, And I Could See The Gleam Of His Teeth As He Smiled. "oh, Wait," Bill Said. "that's Already Happened.

When You've Been Really Beaten, You Realize That You Are Just An Envelope Of Skin, An Easily Penetrated Envelope That Holds Together A Lot Of Fluids And Some Rigid Structures, Which In Their Turn Can Simply Be Broken And Invaded.

Wow," I Said, Since It Was All I Could Think Of To Say. "wow. That's Some Outfit." When You've Got A Big Guy Wearing Lycra It Doesn't Leave A Whole Lot To The Imagination. I Resisted The Temptation To Ask Eric To Turn Around. "i Don't Believe I Could Be Convincing As A Queen," Eric Said, "but I Decided This Sent Such A Mixed Signal, Almost Anything Was Possible." He Fluttered His Eyelashes At Me. Eric Was Definitely Enjoying This. "oh, Yes," I Said, Trying To Find Somewhere Else To Look. (living Dead In Dallas)

His Eyes Were Still Like Caves With Ghosts Dwelling In Their Depths.

I Didn't Know What To Think About First: Me Seeing Claude Naked, Claude Seeing Me Naked, Or The Whole Fact That We Were Related And Naked In The Same Room. (sookie Stackhouse, Dead In The Family)

It's Probably A Bad Indicator Of Your Lifestyle When You Miss Your Ex-boyfriend Because He's Absolutely Lethal.

But In My Book, It Was Basically Bad Taste To Stare At Someone's Assets, No Matter How Much On Display They Were.

It Was Like Being Around A Particularly Irritating Two-year-old.

It Wasn't Enough To Be Kidnapped, I Had To Be Insulted Too.

May I Search It?" She Asked. "we Screen For Weapons." I Stared At Her, Always A Risky Thing To Do To A Vampire. "of Course Not. I Have No Weapons.

My First Word For The New Year Was 'exsanguinate.' This Was Probably Not A Good Omen.

You Catch More Flies With Honey Than You Do With Vinegar.

When I Thought Of Eric With Someone Else, I Wanted To Rip Out All His Beautiful Blonde Hair. By The Roots. In Clumps.

If It Pleases You And You Can Write At All, It's Gonna Please Somebody Else.

Bubba Made A Sound Of Disapproval "you're Not Supposed To Be Kissing On Anybody Else, Miss Sookie" He Said "bill Said It Was Okay, But I Don't Like It.

Vampires. They Wrote The Book On Possessive.

No, I Like You Alive And Warm And Wiggling.

I Realized That I Was Really Tired Of People Popping On And Off Of My Property Like It Was A Train Station On The Supernatural Railroad.

I Had Two Cups Of Coffee, Put Eric's Jeans In The Washer, Read A Romance For Awhile, And Studied My Brand-new Word Of The Day Calendar, A Christmas Gift From Arlene. My First Word Of The New Year Was 'exsanguinate.' This Was Probably Not A Good Omen.

We Followed The Bondage Bobbsey Twins Across The Crowded Dance Floor. Those Leather Shorts Were An Adventure From Behind, Let Me Tell You. And The Pictures Of Elvis Decorating The Walls Were An Education, Too. It Wasn’t Often You Ran Into A Bondage/elvis/ Whorehouse-themed Vampire Club.

Jason's Favorite Person In The Entire Universe Was Jason Stackhouse.

Favorite Person

It Was One Of God's Jokes That Such A Dumb Mind Had Been Put In Such An Eloquent Body.

I'll Show Up At Every Classroom Open House And Teacher Conference,' She Said, Now In A Voice That Was Almost Frightening In Its Intensity. 'i'll Bake Brownies. My Child Will Have New Clothes. Her Shoes Will Fit. She'll Get Her Shots, And She'll Get Her Braces. We'll Start A College Fund Next Week. I'll Tell Her I Love Her Every Damn Day.' If That Wasn't A Great Plan For Being A Good Mother, I Couldn't Imagine What A Better One Could Be

If This Was The Lord Of The Rings And I Had A Smart British Voice Like Cate Blanchett, I Could Tell You The Background Of The Events Of That Fall In A Really Suspenseful Way. And You’d Be Straining To Hear The Rest.

I Had Never Seen So Many Cute Men In One Place In My Life. But I Could Tell They Were Not For Me. Russell Was Like The Gay Vampire Hugh Hefner, And This Was The Playboy Mansion, With An Emphasis On The "boy.

It Wasn't Often You Ran Into Bondage/elvis/whorehouse-themed Vampire Club

Sookie," Eric Said. I Didn't Think He'd Heard A Word. "yield To Me." Well, That Was Pretty Direct.

I Really, Really Wanted To Lose Awareness Of The Here And Now. The Best Way For Me To Do That Was Bury Myself In A Book.

Hey, Our Hair's The Same Color," I Said, Eyeing Us Side By Side In The Mirror. Sure Is, Girlfriend." Eric Grinned At Me. "but Are You Blond All The Way Down?" Don't You Wish You Knew?" Yes," He Said Simply. Well, You'll Just Have To Wonder." I Am," He Said. "blond Everywhere," I Could Tell As Much From Your Chest Hair." He Raised My Arm To Check My Armpit. "you Silly Women, Shaving Your Body Hair," He Said, Dropping My Arm.

Most Humans Were On One Big Island, To The Fairies, And That Island Was Adrift On A Sea Called I Totally Don’t Care.

There's Not Much I Dislike More Than Being Addressed As "hey You" And Being Poked With A Finger.

Men Sometimes Have To Leave Their Ladies Alone, And Ladies Are Not Responsible For The Bad Manners Of Fools.

Did You Ever Think That If You Told Me Where Bill's Hiding His Computer Program, I Would Give You Anything You Asked For?" - Eric, Club Dead.

I Love You,” Bill Said Helplessly, As If He Wished Those Magic Words Would Heal Me. But He Knew They Wouldn’t. “that’s What You All Keep Saying,” I Answered. “but It Doesn’t Seem To Get Me Any Happier.

I Held On To My Better Nature By My Fingernails But I Held On.

Not A Creature Was Stirring, Not Even An Elf.

Holiday Traditions

The Vampire Is Not A Bad Man, And He Loves You

Okay I've Been Stupid In The Past. Not Consistently Stupid, But Occasionally Stupid. And I've Made Mistakes. You Bet, I've Made Mistakes.

Do I Look Like I Have Anything ?" I Asked Him, In A Reasonable Voice. He Looked As Unnerved As The Nurse Had. He Said, "sorry," And Backed Away. I Took A Step After Him. I Screamed, "i Have Nothing!" And Then I Said, In A Perfectly Calm Voice, "see, I Never Had Anything To Start With.

Sookie, It Is Not Your Blood I Love. I Love You. Your Heart, Your Mind, Your Soul... You Have Brought Light Back Into My Life

No Blame, No Hate - Why No Communication?

Come On, Lover, Let's Have A Look," Eric Said, Giving Me A Quick Kiss. He Jumped Off The Back Porch With Me Still Attached To Him—like A Large Barnacle

Everyone Thinks I'm Crazy, You Know, Because I Can't Tell Them The Truth; Which Is, That I'm Driven Crazy By All These Thoughts, All These Heads.

I So Seldom Had To Dispose Of A Human Body Myself, I Was At A Loss. Fairies Turned Into Dust, And Vampires Flaked Away. Demons Had To Be Burned. Humans Were Very Troublesome.

Vampires Should Never Say Uh-oh!!

The Sweetest Part Of Being A Couple Is Sharing Your Life With Someone Else. But My Life, Evidently, Had Not Been Good Enough To Share.

I Gave Myself A Mental Shake. Snapping Out Of A Slump, That Was What Today Was All About.

So You Want Me To Go To A Human Orgy, Where I Will Not Be Welcome, And You Want Us To Leave Before I Get To Enjoy Myself? ~eric Northman

I Certainly Think We're Going To See More And More Graphic Novels And More Illustrated Novels.

I Dipped Into His Brain. He Wasn't Happy That I Wasn't Wearing A Bra, Because My Boobs Distracted Him. He Was Thinking I Was A Bit Too Curvy For His Taste. He Was Thinking He'd Better Not Think About Me That Way Anymore. He Was Missing His Wife.

They Say There's No Harm In Daydreaming, But There Is.

Fiction Just Makes It All More Interesting. Truth Is So Boring.

Bill Said, "she Is Mine." I Wondered If My Hands Would Move. They Would. I Raised Both Of Them, Making An Unmistakable One-fingered Gesture. Eric Laughed, And Bill Said "sookie!" In Shocked Admonishment. "i Think That Sookie Is Telling Us She Belongs To Herself," Eric Said Softly.

Don’t Go Looking For Trouble; It’s Already Looking For You.

I Love Him," I Said, But Even To My Own Ears I Didn't Sound Happy About It.

I'm A Middle-class Former Housewife Who Goes To My Daughter's Softball Games.

I'd Been Blindsided With The Most Painful Knowledge: The First Man To Ever Say He Loved Me Had Never Loved Me At All. His Passion Had Been Artificial. His Pursuit Of Me Had Been Choreographed.

He Gave Me A Look Sure To Put Frost On Anyone's Pumpkin.

I Thought About Making Biscuits, But There Seemed To Be More Than Enough Calories On Board.

That's Just Not Right," Sam Muttered. "claude Needs To Keep His Pants On.

This Was An Unpleasant Trend. I Didn’t Want A Lot Of Guys Popping In And Out Of My Bedroom. I Wanted One Who Would Stay.

You Just Don't Want A Vampire Pissed Off At You.

We Could Go Back," He Said. In The Dome Light Of The Car, His Face Looked Hard As Stone. "we Could Go Back To Your House. I Can Stay With You Always. We Can Know Each Other's Bodies In Every Way, Night After Night. I Could Love You." His Nostrils Flared, And He Looked Suddenly Proud. "i Could Work. You Would Not Be Poor. I Would Help You." "sounds Like A Marriage," I Said, Trying To Lighten The Atmosphere. But My Voice Was Too Shaky. "yes," He Said.

You Trust Me?" Eric Sounded Surprised. "yes." "that's . . . Crazy, Sookie.

Who Wants A Bag Of Bones?” He Said, With Absolute Sincerity. “i Don’t Want To Hurt Myself On The Sharp Edges Of The Woman I’m Bedding.

My Bullshit Meter Is Reading That As 'false'.

There Was Enough Tension In The Room To Send A Fleet Of The Nervous Running For Their Tranquilizers.

And Since I’m Going To Be In The Neighborhood, You Thought I Might Do As An Escort? To An Orgy?

You Can Hold On To Me For As Long As You Want. Let Go Of The Pain, Sookie". - Eric, Club Dead.

As It Was, I Couldn't Escape The Feeling That I Was Out Of My Element. I Found Myself Thinking Of A Book I'd Left Half-read At Home And Wishing I'd Stuck It In My Purse So I Could Pull It Out Now.

I Don't Like Having Feelings," Eric Said Coldly, And He Left. That Was A Tough Exit Line To Top.

It Was Time To Pull My Moral Socks Up And Behave Myself.

Life Should Imitate Romance Literature Far More Often.

Sometimes, Instead Of Going Down The Road Less Taken, You Just Charge Down The Beaten Path.

I Could Add Her To The Long List Of People I Didn't Understand.

How Is Eric?' 'very Tightly Wound. Plus, A Lot Of Stuff Happened That He'll Tell You About.' 'thanks For The Warning. I'll Go To The House Now. You're My Favorite Breather.' 'oh. Well ... Great.' She Hung Up.

Jb’s Mother Had Taught Him Early On That Appreciated Women Are Happy Women.

Just Because One Of Arlene's Husbands Was A Murderer Is No Reason For Me To Be Ugly

...but Also Because I Find I Really Do…" He Paused, As If He Were About To Say Something Outrageous. "i Find I Have Feelings For You." "oh," I Said Into His Chest, Sounding As Astonished As Eric Had(...)"eric," I Said, After A Long Pause, "i Almost Hate To Say This, But I Have Feelings For You, Too.

Finally, A Human Man Saw Me As Intensely Valuable. Just My Luck He Was Happily Married And Thought I Was A Freak.

He Looked Like He'd Just Seen The Ghost Of You Better Shut Your Mouth.

He Managed To Convey Indifference, Contempt, And Boredom In The One Word.

You Were So Sweet When You Didn't Know Who You Were.

I Hate Not Knowing What I Did." _eric

Oh Come On Pam, They're Funny. They're Like Humans But Miniature...tea Cup Humans!

Eric Was Incensed, To Use A Good Entry From My Word Of The Day Calender. In Fact His Eyes Were Almost Throwing Sparks He Was So Angry. "this Woman Has Been Mine, And She Will Be Mine" He Said In Tones So Definite I Thought About Checking My Rear End For A Brand.

Leave The Girl Alone, Clete, And Let's Get Back On The Road," The Tall Driver Said, And His Voice Had That "i'm Done With You" Edge To It. "i Don't Know Who This Guy Is, But I Don't Think He Changes Into A Nutria.

People Are Really Interested In The Concept Of Eternal Youth In This Plastic-surgery Culture.

This Must Be The Legendary Yankee Rudeness

Men! Dead Or Alive, They Could Be Exactly The Same.

For Awhile I Taped Soap Operas And Watched Them At Night When I Thought I Might Be Forgetting What It Was Like To Be Human. After A While I Stopped, Because From The Examples I Saw On Those Shows, Forgetting Humanity Was A Good Thing.

I Drank Lots Of Water And Orange Juice And Took A Multivitamin And Iron Supplement For Breakfast, Which Was My Regimen Since Bill Had Come Into My Life And Brought (along With Love, Adventure, And Excitement) The Constant Threat Of Anemia.

In The World I Lived In, The World Of Human People, There Were Ties And Debts And Consequences And Good Deeds. That Was What Bound People To Society; Maybe That Was What Constituted Society. And I Tried To Live In My Little Niche In It The Best Way I Could.

Sometimes You Just Have To Regret Things And Move On.

I Met Elvis In Your Woods One Night,” Terry Said. One Of The Emts Had Given Him A Shot, And I Thought It Was Beginning To Work. “i Knew I Was Nuts Then. He Was Telling Me How Much He Liked Cats. I Told Him I Was A Dog Person, Myself.

I Would've Asked Him To Bring A Shovel And Come To Help Me Dig A Body Up. That Was What A Boyfriend Should Do, Right?" -sookie Stackhouse

A Piece Of Happiness Should Never Be Taken As Due.

If Hunter Hadn't Been There, I Would've Picked Up The Phone To Call Eric. I Would've Asked Him To Bring A Shovel And Come To Help Me Dig A Body Up. That Was What A Boyfriend Should Do, Right? But I Couldn't Leave Hunter Alone In The House, And I Would've Felt Terrible If I'd Ask Eric To Go Out In The Woods By Himself, Even Though I Knew He Wouldn't Think Anything About It. In Fact, Probably He'd Have Sent Pam.

You Know I Love You More When You're Cold And Heartless.

I Love You More

Pam: "claude, The Mouthwateringly Beautiful Asshole?

Coffe Is The Perfume Of Morning.

Sookie Stackhouse

Sookie, My Little Bullet-sucker" Eric, My Big Bullshitter

There’s No Way You Can Kill Someone And Get To The Other Side Of The Experience Unchanged.

I Did What I Have Been Told To Do By My Queen. In So Doing, I Fell Into A Trap I Couldn't Escape. I Still Can't." "the Trap Of Luuuuvvvv, I Thought Sarcastically. But He Was Too Serious, Too Calm, To Mock.

Hoyt Was By Himself Right Under One Of The Portable Lights Rigged Up For The Occasion. He Had His Hands Thrust In His Pockets, And He Looked More Serious Than I’d Ever Seen Him. There Was Something Strange About The Sight, And After A Second I Figured Out Why. It Was One Of The Few Times I’d Ever Seen Hoyt Alone.

"come On," I Said, Taking His Hand. Clutching The Afghan With The Other Hand, He Trailed Down The Hall After Me, A Snow White Giant In Tiny Red Underwear.

What I Think I'll Do Is I'll Do My Best To Yank Debbie Out Of Me By The Roots. And Then I'll Turn Up On Your Doorstep, One Day When You Least Expect It, And I'll Hope By Then You Will Have Given Up On Your Vampire.

They Say When One Door Shuts, Another One Opens. But They Haven’t Been Living At My House. Most Of The Doors I Open Seem To Have Something Scary Crouched Behind Them, Anyway.

Oklahoma Is Very Beautiful, And Eric Loves Beauty, But He Already Has That In You.

The Average Woman Would Not Be Pondering How Fast Her Date Could Kill Her, But I’ll Never Be An Average Woman.

By The Way, I Haven't Heard An 'i'm Sorry' From You Yet." My Sense Of Grievance Had Overwhelmed My Sense Of Self-preservation. I Am Sorry That The Maenad Picked On You." I Glared At Him. "not Enough," I Said. I Was Trying Hard To Hang On To This Conversation. Angelic Sookie, Vision Of Love And Beauty, I Am Prostrate That The Wicked Evil Maenad Violated Your Smooth And Voluptuous Body, In An Attempt To Deliver A Message To Me." That's More Like It.

Appius Livius Ocella Made Mistakes In His Whole Long Existence. Perhaps Changing Eric Was His Finest Hour. He Created The Perfect Vampire. Eric's Only Flaw Is You.

I Stroked Eric's Hair, Tucking Some Behind His Ear. His Eyes On Mine Were Intent, And I Knew He Was Waiting For Me To Speak. "i Wish," I Said, "i Could Save Orgasms In A Jar For When I Need Them, Because I Think I Had A Few Extra." Eric's Eyes Widened, And All Of A Sudden He Roared With Laughter. (dead To The World)

I Abjure You,” Alcide Said. Colonel Flood Winced, And Young Sid, Amanda, And Culpepper Looked Both Astonished And Impressed, As If This Were A Ceremony They'd Never Thought To Witness. “i See You No Longer. I Hunt With You No Longer. I Share Flesh With You No Longer.

There Were Definitely Parts Of My Character I Didn’t Approve Of, And Maybe From Time To Time I Had Moments When I Didn’t Like Myself Much. But I Got Through Each Day As It Came To Me, And So Far I’d Survived Every Thing Life Had Thrown At Me. I Could Only Hope That The Survival Was Worth The Price I’d Paid.

Because He Sounded So Lost-the Eric I Knew Had Never Been One To Do Anything Other Than Assume Others Should Serve Him-i Patted Around Under The Covers For His Hand. When I Found It, I Slid My Own Over It. His Palm Was Turned Up To Meet My Palm, And His Fingers Clasped Mine. And Though I Would Not Have Thought It Possible To Go To Sleep Holding Hands With A Vampire, That's Exactly What I Did.

I Felt Like A Car That Had Only Been Operated By One Driver… A Car Its New Prospective Buyer Was Determined To Take To The Daytona 500.

Here’s To Books, The Cheapest Vacation You Can Buy.

So, On The Whole, I'd Have To Say That No, People Don't Change, But They Can Learn To Behave Differently. I Want To Believe Otherwise. If You Have An Argument That Says I'm Wrong, I'd Be Glad To Hear It.

Why Don't They Just Take Him Out?" I Asked. I'm Not Politically Minded, As I Guess You Can Tell. Mr. Cataliades Was Smiling At Me. "so Direct, So Classic," He Said. "so American.

Once Again, I Had That Feeling Of Drowning When I Hadn’t Even Known I Was In The Pool

Maybe She Was Being So Hoity-toity Because She Didn't Have Her Own Fairy Godmother.

Fairy Godmother

He Pulled My Coat Off My Shoulders, Looked At It With Distaste, Hung It On The Back Of One Of The Chairs Pushed In Under The Kitchen Table. "you Are Beautiful". No One Had Ever Looked Me In The Eyes And Said That. Eric To Sookie, Page 208.

Why Was It Librarians Had Such A Prim Image? With All The Information Available In Books Right There At Their Fingertips, Librarians Could Be The Best-informed People Around. About Anything.

This Letter Is Written On The Skin Of One Of The Water Sprites Who Drowned Your Parents.' 'ick!' I Cried, And Dropped The Letter On The Kitchen Table.

And By Golly, Love Sure Was A Battlefield. Benatar Was Right About That.

I've Often Wished When I Started A Book I Knew What Was Going To Happen. I Talked To Writers Who Write 80-page Outlines, And I'm Just In Awe Of That.

Look, How Come He Showed Up Now? When You Have Other Fairies In The Woods? And Does That Sound Crazy When You Say It Out Loud, Or What?

Sookie: Is Eric Around?" Pam: "he Is Enthralling The Vermin.

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