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In Bullfighting There Is An Interesting Parallel To The Pause As A Place Of Refuge And Renewal. It Is Believed That In The Midst Of A Fight, A Bull Can Find His Own Particular Area Of Safety In The Arena. There He Can Reclaim His Strength And Power. This Place And Inner State Are Called His Querencia. As Long As The Bull Remains Enraged And Reactive, The Matador Is In Charge. Yet When He Finds His Querencia, He Gathers His Strength And Loses His Fear. From The Matador's Perspective, At This Point The Bull Is Truly Dangerous, For He Has Tapped Into His Power.

-Tara Brach

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In Bullfighting There Is

Tara Brach

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In Bullfighting There Is An Interesting Parallel To The Pause As A Place Of Refuge And Renewal. It Is Believed That In The Midst Of A Fight, A Bull Can Find His Own Particular Area Of Safety In The Arena. There He Can Reclaim His Strength And Power. This Place And Inner State Are Called His Querencia. As Long As The Bull Remains Enraged And Reactive, The Matador Is In Charge. Yet When He Finds His Querencia, He Gathers His Strength And Loses His Fear. From The Matador's Perspective, At This Point The Bull Is Truly Dangerous, For He Has Tapped Into His Power.

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Our Kids Go To School And They Come Out Feeling Not Intelligent, Not Desirable, Not Attractive Or Appealing To Others.

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Managing Life From Our Mental Control Towers, We Have Separated Ourselves From Our Bodies And Hearts.

Relaxation Is The Doorway To Both Wisdom And Compassion.

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Meditation Can Change The Flavor Of The Season.

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Our Greatest Longing Is To Be Intimate.

The Trance Of Unworthiness Keeps The Sweetness Of Belonging Out Of Reach. The Path To "the Sweetness Of Belonging," Is Acceptance - Acceptance Of Ourselves And Acceptance Of Others Without Judgment.

If We're Not Open To Losing, We're Not Open To Loving.

Perhaps The Biggest Tragedy Of Our Lives Is That Freedom Is Possible, Yet We Can Pass Our Years Trapped In The Same Old Patterns...we May Want To Love Other People Without Holding Back, To Feel Authentic, To Breathe In The Beauty Around Us, To Dance And Sing. Yet Each Day We Listen To Inner Voices That Keep Our Life Small.

The Most Powerful Healing Arises From The Simple Intention To Love The Life Within You, Unconditionally, With As Much Tenderness And Presence As Possible.

Emotions Are The Interaction Of Thoughts And Of Sensations In The Body.

Imagine You Are Walking In The Woods And You See A Small Dog Sitting By A Tree. As You Approach It, It Suddenly Lunges At You, Teeth Bared. You Are Frightened And Angry. But Then You Notice That One Of Its Legs Is Caught In A Trap. Immediately Your Mood Shifts From Anger To Concern: You See That The Dog's Aggression Is Coming From A Place Of Vulnerability And Pain. This Applies To All Of Us. When We Behave In Hurtful Ways, It Is Because We Are Caught In Some Kind Of Trap. The More We Look Through The Eyes Of Wisdom At Ourselves And One Another, The More We Cultivate A Compassionate Heart.

Underneath The Stress Is Fear, And The Biggest Is Our Own Personal Fear Of Failure.

Fear Of Failure

If Our Hearts Are Ready For Anything, We Can Open To Our Inevitable Losses, And To The Depths Of Our Sorrow. We Can Grieve Our Lost Loves, Our Lost Youth, Our Lost Health, Our Lost Capacities. This Is Part Of Our Humanness, Part Of The Expression Of Our Love For Life.

Mindfulness Is A Pause - The Space Between Stimulus And Response: That's Where Choice Lies.

The Mistake We Make Is That When We're Feeling Another Person Is Not Treating Us In The Way That Makes Us Feel Secure And Loved, We Fixate Our Attention On That Person And What's Wrong With Them. We Also Fixate On What's Wrong With Us. Instead, We Can Bring Forward Two Wings Of Awareness: The Wing Of Mindfulness (noticing What's Going On Inside Us) And The Wing Of Kindness (compassion To What's Going On Inside Us).

I Think Of Depression As The Mechanism That Pushes Down The Pain Of That Loss. It Tries To Distance Us From The Loss But It Lowers Our Whole Energy Level. I Think That's A Pervasive Way We End Up Responding To Loss Or The Anticipation Of Loss. Natural But Not Necessary.

The Muscles Used To Make A Smile Actually Send A Biochemical Message To Our Nervous System That It Is Safe To Relax The Flight Of Freeze Response.

As We Free Ourselves From The Suffering Of 'something Is Wrong With Me, 'we Trust And Express The Fullness Of Who We Are.'

Just Remember That Everyone Is Struggling; Everyone Is Living With Fear And Uncertainty And It Doesn't Matter What Their Politics Are.

I Think Of Desire As The Essence That Brings Forth The Whole Universe.

I'd Known That I Had The Capacity To Love, That I Enjoyed Seeing Other People Be Happy, That I Had A Real Awe And Wonder About The Beauty Of This World.

Capacity To Love

Even A Few Moments Of Offering Lovingkindness Can Reconnect You With The Purity Of Your Loving Heart.

Meditation Helps Us To Get Out Of Our Thoughts About The Future And Really Be In The Present Moment.

We Can Find True Refuge Within Our Own Hearts And Minds-right Here, Right Now, In The Midst Of Our Moment-to-momen T Lives. We Find True Refuge Whenever We Recognize The Silent Space Of Awareness Behind All Our Busy Doing And Striving. We Find Refuge Whenever Our Hearts Open With Tenderness And Love. We Find Refuge Whenever We Connect With The Innate Clarity And Intelligence Of Our True Nature.

Learning To Pause Is The First Step In The Practice Of Radical Acceptance. A Pause Is A Suspension Of Activity, A Time Of Temporary Disengagement When We Are No Longer Moving Toward Any Goal ... The Pause Can Occur In The Midst Of Almost Any Activity And Can Last For An Instant, For Hours Or For Seasons Of Our Life ... You Might Try It Now: Stop Reading And Sit There, Doing 'no Thing,' And Simply Notice What You Are Experiencing.

I Recently Read In The Book My Stroke Of Insight By Brain Scientist Jill Bolte Taylor That The Natural Life Span Of An Emotion—the Average Time It Takes For It To Move Through The Nervous System And Body—is Only A Minute And A Half. After That We Need Thoughts To Keep The Emotion Rolling. So If We Wonder Why We Lock Into Painful Emotional States Like Anxiety, Depression, Or Rage, We Need Look No Further Than Our Own Endless Stream Of Inner Dialogue.

With An Undefended Heart, We Can Fall In Love With Life Over And Over Every Day. We Can Become Children Of Wonder, Grateful To Be Walking On Earth, Grateful To Belong With Each Other And To All Of Creation. We Can Find Our True Refuge In Every Moment, In Every Breath.

Falling In Love

Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With The Heart Of A Buddha.

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Through The Sacred Art Of Pausing, We Develop The Capacity To Stop Hiding, To Stop Running Away From Our Experience. We Begin To Trust In Our Natural Intelligence, In Our Naturally Wise Heart, In Our Capacity To Open To Whatever Arises.

To Me, Bringing Mindfulness-bas Ed Practices To Students, Teachers And Parents Is Some Of The Most Important Work We Can Be Doing. If We Can Help The Next Generation Become More Self-aware, Empathetic And Emotionally Resilient, They Will Bring Their Wisdom To Healing The Earth And Creating A More Peaceful World.

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Discovering A Richer Quality Of Being-ness Means To Keep Surrendering And Letting Go Of Resistance.

Buddhist Practices Offer A Way Of Saying, 'hey, Come Back Over Here, Reconnect.' The Only Way That You'll Actually Wake Up And Have Some Freedom Is If You Have The Capacity And Courage To Stay With The Vulnerability And The Discomfort.

But This Revolutionary Act Of Treating Ourselves Tenderly Can Begin To Undo The Aversive Messages Of A Lifetime.

Making A U-turn From Our Thoughts To Our Feelings Re-connects Us To Our Own Inner Experience And Creates The Grounds For Connecting With Others In A More Authentic Way. It's A Movement From Head To Heart.

The Way To Develop The Habit Of Savoring Is To Pause When Something Is Beautiful And Good And Catches Our Attention - The Sound Of Rain, The Look Of The Night Sky - The Glow In A Child's Eyes, Or When We Witness Some Kindness. Pause... Then Totally Immerse In The Experience Of Savoring It.

Most Of Us Grew Up With A Very Damaging Story That Something Is Wrong With Us. Gradually - Or As In My Case, Suddenly - We Become Resolved Not To Believe This Anymore. It Takes A Dedicated Practice To Follow Up On That Resolution, Because The Conditioning Is Very Strong To Keep Generating Self-demeaning Stories.

Stories Can Be A Jumping-off Point To Access The Emotions And The Sensations In The Body.

There Are Some Things We Can't Choose, But In Being Present We Can Choose How We Want To Relate To Them

Radical Acceptance Is The Willingness To Experience Ourselves And Our Lives As It Is.

Presence Is Not Some Exotic State That We Need To Search For Or Manufacture. In The Simplest Terms, It Is The Felt Sense Of Wakefulness, Openness, And Tenderness That Arises When We Are Fully Here And Now With Our Experience.

This Longing To Express And Celebrate Life Is Innate And Quite Beautiful.

Fear Of Being A Flawed Person Lay At The Root Of My Trance, And I Had Sacrificed Many Moments Over The Years In Trying To Prove My Worth. Like The Tiger Mohini, I Inhabited A Self-made Prison That Stopped Me From Living Fully.

Happiness Lies Not In Finding What Is Missing, But In Finding What Is Present.

I Want To Accept Myself Completely, Just As I Am.

Most Of Us Need To Be Reminded That We Are Good, That We Are Lovable, That We Belong. If We Knew Just How Powerfully Our Thoughts, Words, And Actions Affected The Hearts Of Those Around Us, We'd Reach Out And Join Hands Again And Again. Our Relationships Have The Potential To Be A Sacred Refuge, A Place Of Healing And Awakening. With Each Person We Meet, We Can Learn To Look Behind The Mask And See The One Who Longs To Love And Be Loved.

Awakening Self-compassion Is Often The Greatest Challenge People Face On The Spiritual Path.

Each Time You Meet An Old Emotional Pattern With Presence, Your Awakening To Truth Can Deepen. There’s Less Identification With The Self In The Story And More Ability To Rest In The Awareness That Is Witnessing What’s Happening. You Become More Able To Abide In Compassion, To Remember And Trust Your True Home. Rather Than Cycling Repetitively Through Old Conditioning, You Are Actually Spiraling Toward Freedom.

There Are Stories We Take On From Our Culture, And There Are Stories Based On Our Own Personal History. Some Of Those Stories Lock Us In Limiting Beliefs And Lead To Suffering, And There Are Others That Can Move Us Toward Freedom.

I Would Say Both Western Psychology And Eastern Paths Would Recognize That We Get Caught Up In Feeling Like A Separate Self And An Unworthy Self.

Stopping The Endless Pursuit Of Getting Somewhere Else Is The Perhaps Most Beautiful Offering We Can Make To Our Spirit.

Pain Is Not Wrong. Reacting To Pain As Wrong Initiates The Trance Of Unworthiness. The Moment We Believe Something Is Wrong, Our World Shrinks And We Lose Ourselves In The Effort To Combat The Pain.

The Two Wings Of Mindfulness And Kindness Will Begin To Open The Heart To More Connection With Our World.

The Fear Side Can Have Us Pull Away And Protect Us, But It's Really A Withdrawal, A Disassociation, A Cutting Off. Rather Than The Word Detachment, I Usually Use The Word Non-attachment. That Can Be Wholesome When We Care And Are Completely Engaged With Each Other But Are Not Attached To Things Being A Certain Way.

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You Have A Unique Body And Mind, With A Particular History And Conditioning. No One Can Offer You A Formula For Navigating All Situations And All States Of Mind. Only By Listening Inwardly In A Fresh And Open Way Will You Discern At Any Given Time What Most Serves Your Healing And Freedom.

When I Watch That Attachment Happening, I See The Beliefs That I Have Around It. If Somebody's Not Paying Attention To Me In A Certain Way, In My Mind, It Means They Don't Love Me Or They Don't Respect Me. Bringing Awareness To The Beliefs That Are Underneath The Attachment And Bringing Awareness To The Way My Body And Heart Are Tightening, Helps Me Wake Up And Re-inhabit A Larger Space Of Being. Holding On And Pushing Away Might Be Going On But I'm Freer To Respond In A Healthy Way.

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Feelings And Stories Of Unworthiness And Shame Are Perhaps The Most Binding Element In The Trance Of Fear. When We Believe Something Is Wrong With Us, We Are Convinced We Are In Danger. Our Shame Fuels Ongoing Fear, And Our Fear Fuels More Shame. The Very Fact That We Feel Fear Seems To Prove That We Are Broken Or Incapable. When We Are Trapped In Trance, Being Fearful And Bad Seem To Define Who We Are. The Anxiety In Our Body, The Stories, The Ways We Make Excuses, Withdraw Or Lash Out—these Become To Us The Self That Is Most Real.

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