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I Started Getting These Attacks In 2009, Just As My Music Career Was Taking Off. I'd Be Doing Photo-shoots And Started To Feel Like I Was Having Heart Attacks. Increasingly I Found It Difficult To Step Outside My Flat. Things Started To Get Better After I Saw A Therapist, Who Told Me I Needed To Make Peace With My Panic Attacks.

-Ellie Goulding

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I Started Getting These

Ellie Goulding

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I Started Getting These Attacks In 2009, Just As My Music Career Was Taking Off. I'd Be Doing Photo-shoots And Started To Feel Like I Was Having Heart Attacks. Increasingly I Found It Difficult To Step Outside My Flat. Things Started To Get Better After I Saw A Therapist, Who Told Me I Needed To Make Peace With My Panic Attacks.

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I Started Getting These Attacks In 2009, Just As My Music Career Was Taking Off. I'd Be Doing Photo-shoots And Started To Feel Like I Was Having Heart Attacks. Increasingly I Found It Difficult To Step Outside My Flat. Things Started To Get Better After I Saw A Therapist, Who Told Me I Needed To Make Peace With My Panic Attacks.

I Love Prints Of Skulls And Bones And Have Some Taxidermy - A Crow And A Rabbit - To Remind Me Of Home. I Like Art And Have A Big Portrait Of Bjork.

My Favourite People To Follow On Twitter Are... My Fans. They Make Me Laugh So Much And Keep Me Smiling.

I'd Like To Look Like Madonna When I'm Her Age. I Also Look At Athletes And Love Their Bodies. I've Always Wanted To Be Muscly, Not Skinny. A Lot Of Women Yo-yo Around, But I'm Always Aware If I'm Getting A Bit Out Of Shape. I Never Look At The Scales But I Can Just Tell. It Goes On My Tum And Bum.

When I Sing Along With Britney Spears I Will Sing In An American Accent. But Eventually I Found My Own Voice. My Songs Are So Brutally Honest, It Would Be Alien To Sing In Any Accent Other Than My Own. Don't Get Me Wrong - I Can Imitate Singers. I Can Do Bar Mitzvahs And Weddings.

I'm Quite Private. And I Never Wanted To Be The Biggest Star In The World Really. So In That Sense I've Got A Good Balance Of Doing Great Shows, Of Making An Appearance Every Now And Then And Writing Music, And I Don't Really Have To Do Much Else.

I'm Really Proud Of 'bright Lights' Because I Was Still In The Mind Frame Of My First Album When I Was Putting It Together, But Next Time I Want To Display Something Different. I Don't Want To Be As Young, Immature And All About Boys!

I Don't Really Have A Style Icon But I Really Admire The Way People Dress Like Gaga, Rihanna And Gwen Stefani. It's Good To Be Inspired By Singers Who Write Music And Dress Incredibly - Rather Than Models And People In The Fashion Industry Who Dress Immaculately Anyway Because It's Their Style.

The Only Day I Remember Of My Parents' Marriage Was The Day My Dad Walked Out. As I Stood There At Five Years Old, With My Older Sister And Younger Brother, I Knew That He Was Gone.

I Think I'd Like To Be Best Friends With Björk, Because I'd Like To Pick Her Brain A Lot All The Time And Just Have Weird Times Together.

Cover Versions, That's My Forte, That's All I Ever Used To Do. When You Play Your Own Songs, It's Quite Scary, 'cause I'm Quite Honest And Open, They Can Be Very Revealing. But Covers, I Don't Have To Think About, Just Get Me Up There!

Christmas In L.a. Is Weird. There's No Snow. It's Not Even Cold.

I'm Genuinely Peaceful And Positive. I Feel More Grounded And Connected With Everything - Friends, Family. And I Think I've Changed The Way I Deal With Stuff Recently; I'm Trying To Think Of Everything In A More Positive Way Because If Something Gets Me Down, It'll Really Gets Me Down. The Thing I Wish I Could Do More Of Is Train. It's The One Thing I Do That Doesn't Require Any Emotion.

If A Hundred People Want Autographs, Sometimes You Have To Say No Because You've Got To Get Up For A 4 A.m. Flight Or Something. In That Sense, It Really Pisses Me Off When People Think You've Become A Diva. It's Not Becoming A Diva, It's Because Of The Situation, I Think.

Fame Doesn't Make It Hard To Date, Because I Could Be Seeing Someone Now And No-one Would Know. But If You Go Out With Someone Who's In The Public Eye You're Asking For Trouble. It's Double Intensity, Double Scrutiny. Even If I Just Went On One Date With A Normal Guy, Word Gets Around And That Freaks Me Out. I Don't Like All That Gossipy Stuff.

I Feel Like My Figure Is A Challenge Because I'm Quite Flat Chested But I've Got A Booty So I've Got To Look For The Right Things.

Lauryn Hill Is Quite Political And Is Very Bold And Isn't Afraid Of Wearing Her Heart On Her Sleeve, And Same With Bjork, Except She Is A Little Bit More Kind Of Fragile.

It's So Important To Take Vitamins. People Always Get Ill On Tour Because Of The Close Proximity In The Bus With Everyone.

Something Funny Always Happens In Every Show In The Uk And I Genuinely Love Touring The Uk Because It's Where I'm From. I Just Get A Warm Feeling When I'm Home.

When I'm Writing Obviously I Have All The Nostalgia In The World, I Have All The Emotion In The World, But Then When I Actually Perform, I Need To Just Perform It, And That's It. I Do Retain Like A Little Bit Of It Because I Have To, I Sing And Perform The Songs So I Have To - It's A Performance Of The Songs - But I Just Have To Get The Right Balance.

I Tend To Write Things And Review It Afterwards And Realise What Comes Out. I Very Rarely Ever Write Something And Have To Take It Back.

I Maintain That When I Finally Retire From My Career In Music, I Will Go And Live Back In Wales - When I Am An Old Person, If I Live To Be An Old Person. The Water I Miss, And The Air, There's Something Different About It. And I Miss The Simple Life.

I Believe In The Moment Of Things And Fate And Things Happening For A Reason, So I Write Things Down And I Trust It.

Every So Often I'll Go Back Down To Earth And I'll Make Reference To A Phone Or A House Or Something, Something That's A Bit More Real. But I Suppose What That Does, Is It Puts You In A Surreal Place But Also My Music Doesn't Get Too Carried Away In That Sense, Which I Quite Like.

'i Know You Care' Is About My Dad. And I Haven't Seen Him For A Long, Long Time. And My Parents Divorced When I Was Really Young. And I Guess I Just Wanted A - It Was My Way Of Saying That I Wasn't Bitter Or Angry Anymore. I Was Just Sad And Just Felt Like Something Was Missing.

You Can Be The Happiest You Can Be In A Relationship But Can Have An Urge To Be With Someone Else. I Know A Lot Of People That It Has Happened To.

You Never Know What To Expect. You Don't Just Walk On And Expect An Amazing Reaction.

I'm Never Happy With My Face, My Hair, I Haven't Really Got Any Boobs And I'm Not Really That Tall.

I Met Prince William At A Musical Festival And He Let Me Know He Was A Fan Of My Music. But The Invitation To Sing At His Wedding Reception Came Completely Out Of The Blue. The Fact That Kate And William Knew The Words To My Songs Was Very Touching.

What People Don't Understand Is That How You Are As An Artist Depends On How You Are Emotionally.

I Wish I Could Have Hung Out With Patti Smith In The Seventies, And Also Have Some Crazy Times.

I Was Super Brainy And A Proper Geek At School, But There Would Always Be A Boy. But That Sort Of Obsession Did Turn Me Into A Songwriter. My Writing Has Always Come From That Feeling Of Infatuation.

I Feel Like My Songs Are Very Relevant And Very Meaningful, But I Literally Have To Get Rid Of The Nostalgia For Shows Because I Would Just Be Mess On-stage Otherwise.

One Of The Most Powerful Feelings In The World Is After A Really, Really Long Run.

I'd Call What I Do Pop Music, But It's Folky And Electronic And It Doesn't Really Sound Like Much Else.

I Instinctively Dress A Bit Tougher Because I've Spent A Lot Of Time In The U.s. And I Realised There Was A Certain Image Projected Of Me Here. I've Always Been An Absolute Rebel. When I Was In My Teen Years I Had Piercings And Wore All Black.

I Got A Random Tattoo The Other Day. It's A Red Triangle, Which Makes Everyone Think I'm Arty, Which I'm Not. I Used To Draw Red Triangles All The Time. It Must Mean Something - Maybe I Don't Know It Yet. But I'll Figure It Out.

I Think That One Day I Won't Have Any Kind Of... Sort Of, Or It Will Be Either Way, I Won't Have To Think About Anything. But At The Moment, God I Think Probably Because Of What I Do And The Nature Of How It Is, I'm All Over The Place All Of The Time.

Stuff Just Comes Out All The Time, Sometimes When I Sing Live It Really Comes Alive And I Sort Of... I Write Songs And Then Almost... Not Forget About It, But Live It Really Comes Out And I Suddenly Realise What I've Written. I Don't Know Where It All Comes From.

Even If A Relationship Doesn't Work Out, You Can Always Take Something Positive From Something Negative. You Never Know What's Around The Corner.

I Don't Think There Was Ever A Moment When I Was Like, 'yeah, I Want To Be A Singer!' I Guess It Just Happened. I Performed A Lot When I Was Younger And Stuff, But I Remember Getting To The Point Where I Thought I Might Have To Get A Normal Job.

My Hairdresser In The U.k., Adam Reed, Has His Own Line, Percy And Reed, And It's Really Good. And I Use Moroccan Oil And Kerastase As Well.

Gwen Stefani Has Amazing Style. I Used To Really Love Courtney Love, And Anything She Wore I Loved. Or Chloe Sevigny, Because I Really Love That Sort Of Classic Look, And I Like Being Girly And Flowery, And Wearing Little D&g Dresses. I Wear Hats A Lot, Too. I Think It Goes Back To When I Was A Bit Grungy And Was A Skater Girl For A Bit.

I Guess I'm Just Quite Observant And I Pay Attention To A Lot Of Things. Human Behavior Really Fascinates Me.

Two Things I'm Obsessed With Are The Countryside And Fields And Being In The Open Space And Body Parts, So You'll Hear Me Mentioning Body Parts And Human Anatomy. I've Listened To My Songs And I Think I Am Quite Visual And I Talk About Bones And Flesh A Lot.

There Are So Many Things To Think About When You Make An Album. Like, Who Am I Trying To Impress? Am I Going To Get Respect, Critical Acclaim? Or Am I Going To Sell Lots Of Records?

I Start Really Missing London When I Go Away. I Have A Little Flat, But Very Central. I Live Above A Pub And You'd Think It'd Be A Nightmare, But I Like Hearing The Music And It's Quite Comforting.

I Kind Of Just Want To Get To Know People And I Have A Genuine Interest In People That Listen To My Music. I've Just Always Felt Like That. I Think It's From The Days Of Playing Guitar To A Few People And Being Very Conversational And Very Intimate And I've Always Wanted To Keep That Vibe.

I've Never Wanted To Be A Star, I Never Wanted To Be A Famous Person Or Anything Like That, And I Think My Fans Know That As Well.

I Believe That When You Have Fans, They Invest In You Not Just As A Singer But As A Person As Well. It's Not Enough To Just Have Good Songs And A Good Voice.

The Only Really Safe Thing To Do Is To Write A Diary Of Where You've Been, What Time You Went To Bed, What You Ate. If I Wrote Honestly About Everything I Think It'd Be A Disaster. It Would Cause A Lot Of Trouble.

I've Just Become Quite Fixated On The Idea Of Calmness And Peacefulness Somewhere, Someday.

I Just Sing And Write Songs And Wear What I Want. It's Quite A Good Job Really. If I Wanted To I Suppose I Could Become More Of A Fashion Icon, But Singing Is My Thing.

When I Heard Bjork's Debut, That Was When I First Realized That I Could Be A Singer, Even With My Unusual Voice.

How Long Will I Love You? As Long As Stars Are Above You, And Longer If I May

I'm A Bit Of A Like Girly-girl, Really, I Like Flowery Stuff.

I've Learned Not To Let It Be The End Of The World If A Boy Doesn't Like You. I Used To Put So Much Effort Into Boys. I Started Playing Guitar Because I Wanted To Impress This Boy. Then, I Ended Up In Love With Guitar And I Didn't Care About The Boy Anymore.

I've Always Said That Adele Has Turned So Many People On To British Singers - Whether Female Singers Or Just Like Music From This Country In General.

My Guiltiest Pleasure Is... Chocolates With Strawberry Cream And Trashy Television - 'geordie Shore,' 'katie,' Etc.

After Shows My Face Feels Dirty With Makeup And Sweat, Especially In The Smaller Venues, So It Feels Good To Get Back To The Bus And Smooth It Away. Sometimes You Need Something Alcohol-based, Especially On Tour When You Don't Always Get A Chance To Keep Washing Your Face All The Time.

I Used To Be Obsessed With Pearl Jam, But I Love Having Pink Hair And Kind Of Looking Like A Barbie.

I Find Male Singers And What They Sing About Fascinating. It Makes Me Realize How Little We Know About Ourselves And How Little I Know About Myself. It's Interesting To See The Male Perspective.

By The Time I Got Writing 'halcyon,' I Was On A Roll, And I Realized I Had So Much To Write About, I Realized I Had So Much Built Up Inside That I Couldn't Really Alleviate Before, And Then All Of A Sudden It Was Like Reservoir Burst.

The Smallest Changes, Like I Stopped Eating Meat And I've Been Doing Different Kinds Of Exercise Like Yoga And Stuff Like That, Little Changes Have Made Me Feel A Bit More At Peace I Think.

Since I Met Starsmith, My Producer, I Really Feel Like I'm Making Music Because We Write It Together And Produce It Together. I've Got A Proper Involvement In The End Product As Opposed To Just Writing A Song And Finding Someone Else To Produce It.

In Australia And New Zealand, And New Zealand Especially, I Always Find Everyone Is So Nice And Friendly. It's One Of The Few Places That I Remember Visually, Like I Remember Where I Stayed And My Surroundings - And That's A Good Sign, Because I've Got A Terrible Memory. I'm Looking Forward To It!

I Record Stuff All The Time, Like Little Vocal Things. I Write Random Things Down... Sometimes I Just Get Things Stuck In My Head And I Record Them, And That Actually Becomes A Song Quite A Lot Of The Time.

I Could Always Sing, From A Really Young Age, But My Voice Was Really Weird. I Used To Make My Mum Turn Up The Radio Every Day In Our House. She Was Well Into Music So I Got That From Her.

I Played Recorder In Assembly, Then I Became Passionate About The Guitar, I Don't Know Why. I Started On Electric Then Moved To Acoustic - My Brother Was Playing Bass In The Next Room.

I'd Just Like To Think That There's Some Kind Of Underworld Where Whoever's Been Lost At Sea Is There... I Dunno, There Probably Isn't, But I'd Like To Believe There Is.

The Nature Of How We Are As Human Beings Is That We're Much More Interested In Being Critical Rather Than Praising Something.

Because I've Always Been A Runner I Love To Feel That My Body Is Shining On The Inside. I Wear Baggy Clothes, So It's Not As Though I Like Showing It Off. I Just Like To Know I'm Great On The Inside.

Men Are Wary Of Me Because They Know, By Listening To My Music, That A Relationship With Me Will Be Quite Deep.

You Pick Up Loads Of Baggage With Your First Record With Reaction To It From Fans And Critics. So I Went To Ireland By Myself For A Couple Of Weeks With My Guitar. I Read Lots Of Poetry, I Read Patti Smith's Autobiography And Started Words And Phrases And Then Songs Started To Take Shape.

I Feel More Confident If My Makeup Looks Good.

I Wrote 'lights' A Long, Long Time Ago. And I Expected It To Be On The Album, Because It Was - I Wrote It With 'biff' Stannard. And He Wrote Every Single Spice Girls Song And Every Single Pop Song Of The 90s, Basically. So I Thought, You Know, I Was Really Lucky To Work With Him, But I Didn't Think It Would Be A Big Song For Some Reason.

Even When I'm In Quite A Happy State Of Mind, I Like Writing Really Sad Songs. I Think A Lot Of People Do.

I Think All The Covers I Do Have Nice Sentiments, Particularly 'your Song.' People Write Me Very Sweet Messages About That Song, Though I'm Sure There Are People Out There Saying That I've Ruined It Too!

My Soul Is To Sell. The Dark Is Too Hard To Beat 'cause They're Calling Me.

I Take Inspiration From Everything Around Me, Also Relationships And Friends. And The Inside Of My Crazy Head.

I Was The First Person To Go To University From My Family.

There Are Plenty Of Bands Who Never Get In The Charts And It Doesn't Mean That They're Not Any Good. Actually, A Lot Of The Top Ten Is Filled With Stuff That Just Sounds The Same. I Could Guess What's In There Now - Probably A Bit Of Gaga, Beyonce And Some U.s. R&b Males.

I Think, It Is A Challenge To Get Critics Or Whoever To See Past What You Wear And Makeup And The Way You Look And Just Concentrate On The Music.

I Got Approached By Sobe A Few Months Ago About Being An Ambassador And I Learned About The Previous Ones Including Naomi Campbell, So I Was Instantly Interested! Then I Tried And Really Liked It. It's Different And Has Interesting Flavours... We Don't Have Anything Like It In The U.k.

I Wrote A Lot Of Poetry That Was Based On Stories Of The Sea And I Was Really Inspired By That.

It Took Time To Really Build Myself A Reputation As A Good Live Performer, A Musician And An Artist.

Bjork, I'd Love To Do Something With Her. I'd Love To Do Some Sort Of Crazy Orchestral Choir Thing With Her.

My Fancy Dress Costume Of Choice Is... Something 1920s Or 30s, When There Was Still So Much Elegance And Attention To Detail. An Excuse For Ultimate Dressing-up Indulgence.

It's Good To Talk Sometimes. Sometimes Interviews Are Really Good For You... You End Up Evaluating Yourself More And Talk About Stuff That An Ordinary Person Wouldn't Necessarily Keep Revisiting. I Used To Close Myself Off And Want To Be Alone, But Now I'll Call A Friend. When You're In A Relationship, They're That Person.

I Want To Be More Like Pixie Lott. She Works Really Hard But Always Manages To Keep Smiling. She Never Complains.

I Hadn't Even Released My First Proper Single When I Started To Feel The Strain Of Attention. But I Don't Believe That It Was The Attention That Was Giving Me Panic Attacks. I Think It Was Everything In My Life Colliding At The Same Time. It Really Did Get To A Serious Point Where I Couldn't Even Walk Down The Street Without Getting The Pain.

I've Changed The Way I Look A Bit But Not Intentionally. I've Cut My Hair. I've Got A Bit Of Pink In It And Lately I've Become A Bit Monochrome, Wearing A Lot Of Black And White.

Black And White

I Think Hype Is A Good Thing. You Need It And It'll Teach You Valuable Things And You'll Grow Stronger, Which Is What I've Done.

I Never Expected To Get The Tom Jones Treatment And It Amazes Me That I Do. Strangely It's Women Who Throw Their Underwear At Me When I'm Performing Live. My Male Fans Tend To Be Quite Shy. My Female Fans Are Wild. I Never Know What To Do With All The Lingerie That Lands At My Feet. Maybe I Should Open A Shop.

When You Reach A Point Of No Return With Someone And You Feel There's Going To Be No Reconciliation, You Have To Disconnect. I Can't Allow Myself To Be Emotionally Connected With People Like That Again, It's Too Damaging.

My Mum Was Too Busy Raising Four Of Us To Encourage My Hopes. But I'm Glad I Had The Upbringing I Did. It Made Me A Worrier And A Thoughtful, Curious Person.

I Feel Quite Proud To Be An Ambassador For Women Who Realize That Being Fit Is Better Than Being Skinny.

I Would Like To Be Mates With Richard Branson Because I've Hung Out With Him And He Is Just The Loveliest Person And Obviously A Very Rich Guy And Has A Lot Of Stuff Going On, But He's Actually A Really, Really Sound Person, And He's Really Positive And He's Got A Really Good Energy, So I'd Like To Hang Out With Him A Bit More.

Some People Don't Have A Way Of That Catharsis And I Do, So I'm Lucky In That Sense That People Listen To My Songs And Enjoy My Songs. It's A Really Important Thing For Me, It's How I Channel Everything. I Don't Really Know What I'd Do If I Didn't Write Songs.

I Definitely Write About A Lot Of Dreamy, Surreal Stuff. I Do End Up Going To A Surreal World With My Music, But I Also Like The Idea Of There Being Really Real Stuff As Well.

Apparently I'm Introspective... Levelheaded... But At The Same Time, Absolutely Insane.

The Very First Song I Wrote Was About A Boy That I Was Obsessed With.

I've Watched And Learnt From Djs And Remixers And Paid Way More Attention To How I Want My Voice To Sound. Before, As Long As It Was Loud And In Tune It Was Fine. I've Discovered The Difference Made By Various Microphones And Effects, So Each Track Has A Different Vocal Sound, My Voice Is Woven Into Everything And It's Above Everything.

I Suffer Panic Attacks Which Has Made Me Really Conscious About My Fitness And I Have Become Addicted To Jogging. It Might Sound Odd But A Lot Of Good Has Come Out Of It. My Fans Send Letters Saying They Have Taken Up Jogging Because I Do It.

Now, If Some Panic Hits Me, You Have To Sort Of Be Friends With Your Body, It's Like Your Body Will Work Against You.

My Fans Are So Funny, They Make Me Laugh So Much. I've Got Some Really, Really, Funny, Clever Fans.

I Want To Be Safe In The Knowledge That I Can Tour And Play Festivals For A Long Time. The Main Thing Is That I Want A Good Reputation As A Live Performer. If I Have That, I'd Be So Happy.

I'm Always Intrigued By People That Listen To My Music, I Just Naturally Want To Get To Know People Who Listen To My Music Because People Who End Up Having Such An Attachment With My Stuff, I Wonder Why They Have Such A Connection To Something That's So Personal To Me In The First Place.

Every Day I'd Say I Look Different. Sometimes I Look Really Formal, Sometimes I Love The Classic Stella Mccartney, Chloe Sevigny And Gwyneth Paltrow Thing. Other Days I Like Being Rock Star And Wearing Leather Jackets And Studs. I Love Wearing Burberry - It's The Perfect Combination Of Formal And Punky.

Leather Jackets

I'm Obsessed With The Countryside: Woods, Forests, Fields, Lakes, Mountains. I'm Really Into Folk Music And Folklore. But More So I'm Into Electronic Music. I'm Into Bands That Have Both Aspects, Like Boards Of Canada Is A Perfect Example. You Could Listen To That Type Of Music Running Through A Woods. It's Kind Of What I Wanted To Achieve.

If I've Got Writer's Block It Generally Means That I Don't Have That Much To Say Or Something's Not Quite Connecting. I Have Had Writer's Block A Bunch Of Times And It's Generally Because I'm Not Able To Write Down What I'm Feeling Basically. Mostly, I Just Need To Be Alone Really, Or Be With Someone Who Can Bring That Out Of Me.

I Feel Like Sometimes I'm So Positive And Sometimes I Think The Worst Of Everything Or I Think The Worst Is Going To Happen. It's How I Deal With Stuff Day-to-day, It's Just How I Get By Really, And It's Probably Not The Best Way To Be.

I Still Don't Know If I Can Write Songs. I Don't Think Anyone Ever Knows If They Can Write Songs.

America Saw Me As A Projection Of Me That I Always Wanted. Thats Why I Love Going To America So Much. I Feel Like I Started Off In America Exactly How I Wanted To Start Everywhere.

I Love Designer Stuff But Like It Will Only Be Like, On A Whim. I Love Alexander Wang So Much, But It's Expensive.

I'd Hate It To Become Style Over Substance, I'd Hate People To Start Putting Me In A Magazine Article About My Style. I Don't Like Dressing Up In Something I'm Not Necessarily Comfortable In Just To Make It More Of A Show. I Want The Power To Come From What I Sing About And How I Sing.

I Like Being By The Ocean.

Mumford & Sons' Music Appeals To A Lot Of America. I'm Really Proud Of Them.

Drake, I'd Like To Collaborate With. He's A Phenomenal Lyricist. Probably The Best Rapper In The World At The Moment. I Love Kanye But There's Something About Drake; He's More Straight Up, Really Clever And Really Poetic And Metaphorical - I Love That. He's Just Clever.

I Guess I Started Running When I Was About 18 And... I Feel Like It Assists My Creativity A Bit Because It Completely Just Flushes Everything Out.

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