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I'm Relieved Peeta's Alive. I Tell Myself Again That If I Get Killed, His Winnings Will Benefit My Mother And Prim The Most. This Is What I Tell Myself To Explain The Conflicting Emotions That Arise When I Think Of Peeta. The Gratitude That He Game An Edge By Professing His Love For Me In The Interview. The Anger At His Superiority On The Roof. The Dread That We May Come Face-to-face At Any Moment In This Arena.

-Suzanne Collins

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I'm Relieved Peeta's Alive.

Suzanne Collins

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I'm Relieved Peeta's Alive. I Tell Myself Again That If I Get Killed, His Winnings Will Benefit My Mother And Prim The Most. This Is What I Tell Myself To Explain The Conflicting Emotions That Arise When I Think Of Peeta. The Gratitude That He Game An Edge By Professing His Love For Me In The Interview. The Anger At His Superiority On The Roof. The Dread That We May Come Face-to-face At Any Moment In This Arena.

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I Notice Her Blouse Has Pulled Out Of Her Skirt In The Back Again And Force Myself To Stay Calm. "tuck Your Tail In, Little Duck," I Say, Smoothing The Blouse Back In Place. Prim Giggles And Give Me A Small "quack." "quack Yourself," I Say With A Light Laugh. The Kind Only Prim Can Draw Out Of Me.

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I'm Running On Hate. When The Energy From That Ebbs I'll Be Worthless.

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I Say We Try It,' Says Peeta. 'katniss Is Right.' Finnick Looks At Johanna And Raises His Eyebrows. He Will Not Go Forward Without Her. 'all Right,' She Says Finally. 'it's Better Than Hunting Them Down In The Jungle, Anyway. And I Doubt They'll Figure Out Our Plan, Since We Can Barely Understand It Ourselves.

The Question Is, What Are You Going To Do?" It Turns Out The Question That's Been Eating Away At Me Has Only Ever Had One Possible Answer. But It Took Peeta's Ploy For Me To Recognize It. What Am I Going To Do? I Take A Deep Breath. My Arms Rise Slightly - As If Recalling The Black-and-white Wings Cinna Gave Me - Then Come To Rest At My Sides. "i'm Going To Be The Mockingjay.

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I Can Hear President Snow's Voice In My Head. 'on The Seventy-fifth Anniversary, As A Reminder To The Rebels That Even The Strongest Among Them Cannot Overcome The Power Of The Capital, The Male And Female Tributes Will Be Reaped From Their Existing Pool Of Victors.

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She's Not Here," I Tell Him. Buttercup Hisses Again. "she's Not Here. You Can Hiss All You Like. You Won't Find Prim." At Her Name, He Perks Up. Raises His Flattened Ears. Begins To Meow Hopefully. "get Out!" He Dodges The Pillow I Throw At Him. "go Away! There's Nothing Left For You Here!" I Start To Shake, Furious With Him. "she's Not Coming Back! She's Never Ever Coming Back Here Again!" I Grab Another Pillow And Get To My Feet To Improve My Aim. Out Of Nowhere, The Tears Begin To Pour Down My Cheeks. "she's Dead, You Stupid Cat. She's Dead.

I Raise My Left Arm And Twist My Neck Down To Rip Off The Pill On My Sleeve. Instead My Teeth Sink Into Flesh. I Yank My Head Back In Confusion To Find Myself Looking Into Peeta’s Eyes, Only Now They Hold My Gaze. Blood Runs From The Teeth Marks On The Hand He Clamped Over My Nightlock. “let Me Go!” I Snarl At Him, Trying To Wrest My Arm From His Grasp. “i Can’t,” He Says.

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I Know He Was Desperate. That Makes People Do All Kinds Of Crazy Things.

Katniss?" Peeta Says. I Meet His Eyes, Knowing My Face Must Be Some Shade Of Green. He Mouths The Words. "how About That Kiss?

We Could Do It, You Know." "what?" "leave The District. Run Off. Live In The Woods. You And I, We Could Make It.

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I Drink In His Wholeness, The Soudness Of His Body And Mind. It Runs Through Me Like The Morphling They Give Me In The Hospital, Dulling The Pain Of The Last Weeks.

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Cleaning Me Up Is Just A Preliminary Step To Determining My New Look. With My Acid-damaged Hair, Sunburned Skin, And Ugly Scars, The Prep Team Has To Make Me Pretty And Then Damage, Burn, And Scare Me In A More Attractive Way.

A Hysterical Young Woman With Flowing Brown Hair Is Also Called From 4, But She's Quickly Replaced By A Volunteer, An Eighty-year-old Woman Who Needs A Cane To Walk To The Stage.

Turn And Turn And Turn Again You See The What, But Not The When Remedy And Wrong Entwine And So They Form A Single Vine

There's Always Hand-to-hand Combat. All You Need Is To Come Up With A Knife, And You'll At Least Stand A Chance. If I Get Jumped, I'm Dead!" I Can Hear My Voice Rising In Anger. "but You Won't! You'll Be Living Up In Some Tree Eating Raw Squirrels And Picking Off People With Arrows.

Never," Said Gregor. "i'll Never Get Rid Of You, No Matter How Hard I Try." It Was No Longer An Effort To Say The Words. "i Love You." "i Love You, Too," Said Luxa. After That There Was Nothing Left To Say.

Panem Et Circenses" Translates Into 'bread And Circuses.' The Writer Was Saying That In Return For Full Bellies And Entertainment, His People Had Given Up Their Political Responsibilities And Therefore Their Power.

The Glue Of Mutual Need That Bonded Us So Tightly Together For All Those Years Is Melting Away. Dark Patches, Not Light, Show In The Spaces Between Us.

As I Descend The Stairs, I Can’t Help Brushing My Fingers Along The Unblemished White Marble Walls. So Cold And Beautiful. Even In The Capitol, There’s Nothing To Match The Magnificence Of This Old Building. But There Is No Give To The Surface - Only My Flesh Yields, My Warmth Taken. Stone Conquers People Every Time.

This Perplexing, Good Natured Boy Who Can Spin Out Lies So Convincingly To Be Hopelessly In Love With Me ... And I Admit It There Are Moments When He Makes Me Believe It Myself.

Because Something Is Significantly Wrong With A Creature That Sacrifices Its Children's Lives To Settle Its Differences. You Can Spin It Any Way You Like... But In The End, Who Does It Benefit? No One. The Truth Is, It Benefits No One To Live In A World Where These Things Happen

It's Amazing To See Things That Are Suggested In The Book Fully Developed And So Brilliantly Realized Through The Artistry Of The Designers.

If My Holding Out Those Berries Was An Act Of Temporary Insanity, Then Those People Will Embrace Insanity Too.

Temporary Insanity

Because When He Sings...even The Birds Stop To Listen.

Orange? Like Effie's Hair?" I Say. "a Bit More Muted," He Says. "more Like Sunset.

Oh, My Dear Miss Everdeen. I Thought We Had An Agreement Not To Lie To Each Other.

I Noticed The Plants Growing Around Me. Tall With Leaves Like Arrowheads. Blossoms With Three White Petals. I Knelt Down In The Water, My Fingers Digging Into The Soft Mud, And I Pulled Up Handfuls Of The Roots. Small, Bluish Tubers That Don’t Look Like Much But Boiled Or Baked Are As Good As Any Potato. “katniss,” I Said Aloud. It’s The Plant I Was Named For. And I Heard My Father’s Voice Joking, “as Long As You Can Find Yourself, You’ll Never Starve.

Just Because People Starve In A Book, Doesn't Mean That We Will Starve In The Future.

I Squeeze My Eyes Shut And Try To Reach For Him Across The Hundreds And Hundreds Of Miles, To Send My Thoughts Into His Mind, To Let Him Know He Is Not Alone. But He Is. And I Can't Help Him.

By The Way, I Know About The Kiss." Then The Door Clicks Shut Behind Him.

Aren't They The Very Reason I Have To Try To Fight? Because What Has Been Done To Them Is So Wrong, So Beyond Justification, So Evil That There Is No Choice? Because No One Has The Right To Treat Them As They Have Been Treated?

Maybe I'd Think That, Too, Caesar," Says Petta Bitterly, "if It Weren't For The Baby." There. He's Done It Again.

Hey, Finnick, Come On In! We Figured Out How To Make You Pretty Again!

The Rat Turned His Glowing Eyes On Him, And Gregor Was Shocked By What He Saw There. The Intelligence, The Deadliness, And, Most Surprisingly, The Pain. This Rat Was Not Like Fangor And Shed. He Was Much More Complicated And Much More Dangerous. For The First Time In The Underland, Gregor Felt Completely Out Of His League. If He Fought This Rat, He Wouldn't Stand A Change. He Would Lose. He Would Be Dead.

Maybe . . . Because For The First Time . . . There Was A Chance I Could Keep Him,” I Say. “so Now That You've Got Me, What Are You Going To Do With Me?” “put You Somewhere You Can't Get Hurt.” And When He Kisses Me, People In The Room Actually Sigh.

Even Though I Don't Ask, Plutarch Gives Me Cheerful Updates On The Phone Like "good News, Katniss! I Think We've Almost Got Him Convinced You're Not A Mutt!" Or "today He Was Allowed To Feed Himself Pudding!

You’ve Got About As Much Charm As A Dead Slug.

Oh, Peeta, Don't Make Me Sorry I Restarted Your Heart.

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Katniss Everdeen, You Have Caused A Spark, Wich Left Unattended, May Cause A Spark That Could Cause A Whole Rebelion

I Look Down At Our Linked Fingers As I Loosen My Grasp, But He Regains His Grip On Me. “no, Don’t Let Go Of Me,” He Says.

Look How We Take Your Children And Sacrifice Them And There’s Nothing You Can Do. If You Lift A Finger, We Will Destroy Every Last One Of You. Just As We Did In District Thirteen.

My Lips Are Just Forming His Name When His Fingers Lock Around My Throat.

If He Goes And Dies On Me Now, I Know I'll Go Completely Insane.

Birds Are Settling Down For The Night, Singing Lullabies To Their Young.

They Recognize Me. Of Course They Recognize Me. My Face Is Uncovered And I'm Standing Here Outside Of District 12 Pointing An Arrow At Them. Who Else Would I Be?

If I Feel Ragged, My Prep Team Seems In Worse Condition, Knocking Back Coffee And Sharing Brightly Colored Little Pills. As Far As I Can Tell, They Never Get Up Before Noon Unless There's Some Sort Of National Emergency, Like My Leg Hair.

District 12. Where You Can Starve To Death In Safety," I Mutter. Then I Glance Quickly Over My Shoulder. Even Here, In The Middle Of Nowhere, You Worry Someone Might Overhear You.

Middle Of Nowhere

Katniss, There Is No District Twelve.

Here's Some Advice. Stay Alive.

Hunger Games Book

The Anguish I Always Feel When She's In Pain Wells Up In My Chest And Threatens To Register On My Face.

Technically, I Am Unarmed. But No One Should Ever Underestimate The Harm That Fingernails Can Do. Especially If The Target Is Unprepared.

I'm Unaware That My Feet Are Moving To The Table Until I'm Inches From The Holograph. My Hand Reaches In And Cups A Rapidly Blinking Green Light. Someone Joins Me, His Body Tense. Finnick, Of Course. Because Only A Victor Would See What I See So Immediately. The Arena. Laced With Pods Controlled By Gamemakers. Finnick's Fingers Caress A Steady Red Glow Over A Doorway. "ladies And Gentlemen..." His Voice Is Quiet, But Mine Rings Through The Room. "let The Seventy-sixth Hunger Games Begin!

What Do You Think?" He Asks. "i Hate Them," I Say. I Can Almost Smell The Blood, The Dirt, The Unnatural Breath Of The Mutt. "all I Do Is Go Around Trying To Forget The Arena And You've Brought It Back To Life. How Do You Remember These Things So Exactly?" "i See Them Every Night," He Says.

I Feel Like I Owe Him Something, And I Hate Owing People. Maybe If I Had Thanked Him At Some Point, I'd Be Feeling Less Conflicted Now. I Thought About It A Couple Of Times, But The Opportunity Never Seemed To Present Itself. And Now It Never Will. Because We're Going To Be Thrown Into An Arena To Fight To The Death. Exactly How Am I Supposed To Work In A Thank-you In There? Somehow It Just Won't Seem Sincere If I'm Trying To Slit His Throat.

Peeta" I Said "stay With Me" I Heard Him Say One Word Before The Drigs Pulled Me Under, I Realised Later That What He Said Was 'always

She Must Have Really Loved Him To Leave Her Home For The Seam. I Try To Remember That When All I Can See Is The Woman Who Sat By, Blank And Unreachable, While Her Children Turned To Skin And Bones. I Try To Forgive Her For My Father's Sake. But To Be Honest, I'm Not The Forgiving Type.

Peeta Rinses The Pearl Off In The Water And Hands It To Me. “for You.” I Hold It Out On My Palm And Examine Its Iridescent Surface In The Sunlight. Yes, I Will Keep It. For The Few Remaining Hours Of My Life I Will Keep It Close. This Last Gift From Peeta. The Only One I Can Really Accept. Perhaps It Will Give Me Strength In The Final Moments.

Remember That Even In War There Is A Time For Restraint. A Time To Hold Back Your Sword.

I Knew It. In This Way, Peeta's Not Hard To Predict. While I Was Wallowing Around On The Floor Of That Cellar, Thinking Only Of Myself, He Was Here, Thinking Of Me. Shame Isn't A Strong Enough Word For What I Feel.

It Crosses My Mind That Cinna's Calm And Normal Demeanor Masks A Complete Madman.

Frankly, I Could Use A Little Sugarcoating.

You're Punishing Him Over And Over For Things That Are Out Of His Control.

I Think We Put Our Children At An Enormous Disadvantage By Not Educating Them In War, By Not Letting Them Understand About It At An Early Age.

Swathed In Silk, I Feel Like A Caterpillar In A Cocoon Awaiting Metamorphosis. I Always Supposed That To Be A Peaceful Condition. At First It Is. But As I Journey Into The Night, I Feel More And More Trapped, Suffocated By The Slippery Bindings, Unable To Emerge Until I Have Transformed Into Something Of Beauty. I Squirm, Trying To Shed My Ruined Body And Unlock The Secret To Growing Flawless Wings. Despite Enormous Effort, I Remain A Hideous Creature, Fired Into My Current Form By The Blast From The Bombs.

I Take A Few Breaths To Calm Myself, Step Back, And Lift Buttercup By The Scruff Of The Neck. "i Should've Drowned You When I Had The Chance." His Ears Flatten And He Raises A Paw. I Hiss Before He Gets A Chance, Which Seems To Annoy Him A Little, Since He Considers Hissing His Own Personal Sound Of Contempt.

Impulsively, I Lean Forward And Kiss Him, Stopping His Word. This Is Probably Overdue Anyway Since He’s Right, We Are Supposed To Be Madly In Love.

My Death Could, In Fact, Save Him. If It Can't, No Matter. It's Enough To Die Of Spite. To Punish Haymitch, Who, Of All The People In This Rotting World, Has Turned Peeta And Me Into Pieces In His Games. I Trusted Him. I Put What Was Precious In Haymitch's Hands. And He Has Betrayed Me.

Where Did They Get Those Screams, Katniss?

I Miss Him So Badly It Hurts.

Instead Of Satisfying Me, The Kisses Have The Opposite Effect, Of Make My Need Greater. I Thought I Was Something Of An Expert On Hunger, But This Is An Entirely New Kind.

The Walls Of This Elevator Are Made Of Crystal So That You Can Watch The People On The Ground Floor Shrink To Ants As You Shoot Up Into The Air. It's Exhilarating And I'm Tempted To Ask Effie Trinket If We Can Ride It Again, But Somehow That Seems Childish.

I Do Think You're Mad And I'll Still Go With You.

It's As If I'm Finnick, Watching Images Of My Life Flash By. The Mast Of A Boat, A Silver Parachute, Mags Laughing, A Pink Sky, Beetee's Trident, Annie In Her Wedding Dress, Waves Breaking Over Rocks. Then Its Over.

That's Right. Who Am I Thinking Of? Oh, I Know. It's Cinna Who Likes You. But That's Mainly Because You Didn't Try To Run When He Set You On Fire," Says Peeta. "on The Other Hand, Haymitch... Well, If I Were You, I'd Avoid Haymitch Completely. He Hates You.

Whose Is It, Do You Think?" I Say Finally. "no Telling," Says Finnick. "why Don't We Let Peeta Claim It, Since He Died Today?

Don't You See, Katniss, This Will Decide Things. One Way Or The Other. By The End Of The Day, They'll Ether Be Dead Or With Us. It's...it's More Than We Could Hope For! Well, That's A Sunny View Of Our Situation.

The End Of The Day

"if I Could Grow Wings, I Could Fly. Only People Can't Grow Wings," He Say's. "real Or Not Real?" "real," I Say. "but People Don't Need Wings To Survive." "mockingjays Do."

You'll Never Be Able To Let Him Go. You'll Always Feel Wrong About Being With Me.

This Was The Door To Both Sustenance And Sanity. And We Were Each Other's Key.

Taking The Kids From Our Districts, Forcing Them To Kill One Another While We Watch – This Is The Capitol’s Way Of Reminding Us How Totally We Are At Their Mercy.

We Sit In Silence Awhile Then I Blurt Out The Thing That's On Both Our Minds. "how Are We Going To Kill These People, Peeta?

I'm Not Prepared For Rue's Family. Her Parents, Whose Faces Are Still Fresh With Sorrow. Her Fiver Younger Siblings, Who Resemble Her So Closely. The Slight Builds, The Luminous Brown Eyes. They Form A Flock Of Small Dark Birds.

You Don't Destroy What You Want To Acquire In The Future.

The Ones I Loved Fly As Birds In The Open Sky Above Me. Soaring, Weaving, Calling To Me To Join Them. I Want So Badly To Follow Them, But The Seawater Saturates My Wings, Making It Impossible To Lift Them. The Ones I Hated Have Taken To The Water, Horrible Scaled Things That Tear My Salty Flesh With Needle Teeth. Biting Again And Again. Dragging Me Beneath The Surface.

Only I Keep Wishing I Could Think Of A Way...to Show The Capitol They Don't Own Me. That I'm More Than Just A Piece In Their Games.

But Between The Images, We Are Privy To The Real-life Action Being Played Out On The Set. Peeta's Attempt To Continue Speaking. The Camera Knocked Down To Record The White Tiled Floor. The Scuffle Of Boots. The Impact Of The Blow That's Inseparable From Peeta's Cry Of Pain. And His Blood As It Splatters The Tiles.

Katniss, I Don't Think President Snow Will Kill Peeta. If He Does, He Won't Have Any Way To Hurt You." "so, What Do You Think They'll Do To Him?" I Ask. "whatever It Takes To Break You.

I Look At Peeta And He Gives Me A Sad Smile. I Hear Haymitch's Voice. "you Could Do A Lot Worse." At This Moment, It's Impossible To Imagine How I Could Do Any Better. The Gift...it Is Perfect. So When I Rise Up On My Tiptoe To Kiss Him, It Doesn't Seem Forced At All.

What Have The Nibblers Ever Done For You?" The Breeze Ruffled Her Hair, Pushing It Back From Her Face, Giving Him A Clear Shot Of Her Eyes. They Were Asking For An Answer. Needing To Know If She Could Count On Him. "they Saved Your Life," He Said. And For Just A Moment, Luxa's Face Softened And She Smiled.

Did You Love Annie Right Away, Finnick?" I Ask. "no." A Long Time Passes Before He Adds, "she Crept Up On Me.

Deep In The Meadow , Under The Willow , A Bed Of Grass , A Soft Green Pillow

People Don't Need Wings To Survive" "mockingjays Do.

So, Here’s What You Do. You Win, You Go Home. She Can’t Turn You Down Then, Eh?” Says Caesar Encouragingly. “i Don’t Think It’s Going To Work Out. Winning…won’t Help In My Case,” Says Peeta. “why Ever Not?” Says Caesar, Mystified. Peeta Blushes Beet Red And Stammers Out. “because…because…she Came Here With Me.

Charred Bits Of Black Silk Swirl Into The Air, And Pearls Clatter To The Stage… I’m In A Dress Of The Exact Design Of My Wedding Dress, Only It’s The Color Of Coal And Made Of Tiny Feathers. Wonderingly, I Lift My Long, Flowing Sleeves Into The Air, And That’s When I See Myself On The Television Screen. Clothed In Black Except For The White Patches On My Sleeves. Or Should I Say My Wings. Because Cinna Had Turned Me Into A Mockingjay.

I’m In A Shallow Hole, Not Filled With The Humming Orange Bubbles Of My Hallucination But With Old, Dead Leaves.

All I Can Think Of Is The Emaciated Bodies Of Children On Our Kitchen Table As My Mother Prescribes What The Parent's Can't Give. More Food.

On And On We Seal The Pages With Salt Water And Promises To Live Well To Make Their Deaths Count.

As Long As You Can Find Yourself, You’ll Never Starve.

Finding Yourself

I'm Not Good At Talking About Myself.

You Can Tell By The Way The Girls Whisper About Him When He Walks By In School That They Want Him. It Makes Me Jealous But Not For The Reason People Would Think. Good Hunting Partners Are Hard To Find.

In Really Bad Times, The Hungriest Would Gather At His Door At Nightfall, Vying For The Chance To Earn A Few Coins To Feed Their Families By Selling Their Bodies. Had I Been Older When My Father Died, I Might Have Been Among Them. Instead I Learned To Hunt.

Trapped For Days, Years, Centuries Maybe. Dead, But Not Allowed To Die. Alive, But As Good As Dead. So Alone That Anyone, Anything No Matter How Loathsome Would Be Welcome.

I Do Plan On Saying One Or Two Things To Him When We're Allowed An Hour For Goodbyes. To Let Him Know How Essential He's Been To Me All These Years. How Better My Life Has Been For Knowing Him." -katniss Everdeen

Star-crossed Lovers Desperate To Get Home Together. Two Hearts Beating As One. Romance.

As We Trudge Back Through The Woods, We Reach A Boulder, And Both Gale And I Turn Our Heads In The Same Direction, Like A Pair Of Dogs Catching A Scent On The Wind. Cressida Notices And Asks What Lies That Way. We Admit, Without Acknowledging Each Other, It's Our Old Hunting Rendez-vous Place. She Wants To See It, Even After We Tell Her It's Nothing Really. Nothing But A Place Where I Was Happy, I Think.

It's Lovely. If Only You Could Frost Someone To Death." "don't Be So Superior. You Can Never Tell What You Will Find In The Arena. Say It's A Gigantic Cake-

My Spirit. This Is A New Thought. I'm Not Sure Exactly What It Means, But It Suggests I'm A Fighter. In A Sort Of Brave Way. It's Not As If I'm Never Friendly. Okay, Maybe I Don't Go Around Loving Everybody I Meet, Maybe My Smiles Are Hard To Come By, But I Do Care For Some People.

"although Who Knows? Maybe This Will Be It, Katniss." "what?" I Ask. "the Time It Sticks. Maybe We Are Witnessing The Evolution Of The Human Race. Think About That." And Then He Asks Me If I'd Like To Perform On A New Singing Program He's Launching In A Few Weeks. Something Upbeat Would Be Good. He'll Send The Crew To My House.

Not Daring To Flee Since My General Location Has Just Been Broadcast To Any Killer Who Cares. I Mean, I Know It's Cold Out Here And Not Everybody Has A Sleeping Bag.

Enobaria Smiles At Johanna. 'don't Look So Smug,' Says Johanna. 'we'll Kill You Anyway.

Peeta, How Come I Never Know When You're Having A Nightmare?” I Say. “i Don't Know. I Don't Think I Cry Out Or Thrash Around Or Anything. I Just Come To, Paralyzed With Terror,” He Says. “you Should Wake Me,” I Say, Thinking About How I Can Interrupt His Sleep Two Or Three Times On A Bad Night. About How Long It Can Take To Calm Me Down. “it's Not Necessary. My Nightmares Are Usually About Losing You,” He Says. “i'm Okay Once I Realize You're Here.

Because I Can't Handle The Nightmares. Not Without You.

I'm Relieved Peeta's Alive. I Tell Myself Again That If I Get Killed, His Winnings Will Benefit My Mother And Prim The Most. This Is What I Tell Myself To Explain The Conflicting Emotions That Arise When I Think Of Peeta. The Gratitude That He Game An Edge By Professing His Love For Me In The Interview. The Anger At His Superiority On The Roof. The Dread That We May Come Face-to-face At Any Moment In This Arena.

You Here To Finish Me Off, Sweetheart?

But Because Two Can Play At This Game, I Stand On Tiptoe And Kiss His Cheek. Right On His Bruise.

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