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I Have An Unconscious Burglar Living In My Mind: If I Read Something, It's Mine. I Can Read Middle English Stories, Geoffrey Chaucer Or Sir Thomas Malory, But Once I Start Moving In The Direction Of Contemporary Fantasy, My Mind Begins To Take Over.

-David Eddings

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I Have An Unconscious

David Eddings

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I Have An Unconscious Burglar Living In My Mind: If I Read Something, It's Mine. I Can Read Middle English Stories, Geoffrey Chaucer Or Sir Thomas Malory, But Once I Start Moving In The Direction Of Contemporary Fantasy, My Mind Begins To Take Over.

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Consistency Is The Defense Of A Small Mind

...if There's A Noise In The Woods, And There's Nobody Around To Hear It, Is It Really A Noise?" "of Course It Is," She Replied Calmly. "how Did You Reach That Conclusion?" Beldin Demanded. "because There's No Such Thing As An Empty Place, Uncle. There Are Always Creatures Around --wild Animals, Mice, Insects, Birds --and They Can All Hear." "but What If There Weren't? What If The Woods Are Truly Empty?" "why Waste Your Time Talking About An Impossibility?

Vanity's Ridiculous, But We All Fall Prey To It From Time To Time.

When You Know That Something's Going To Happen, You'll Start Trying To See Signs Of Its Approach In Just About Everything. Always Try To Remember That Most Of The Things That Happen In This World Aren't Signs. They Happen Because They Happen, And Their Only Real Significance Lies In Normal Cause And Effect. You'll Drive Yourself Crazy If You Start Trying To Pry The Meaning Out Of Every Gust Of Wind Or Rain Squall. I'm Not Denying That There Might Actually Be A Few Signs That You Won't Want To Miss. Knowing The Difference Is The Tricky Part.

We're Living In Momentous Times, Garion. The Events Of A Thousand Years And More Have All Focused On These Very Days. The World, I'm Told, Is Like That. Centuries Pass When Nothing Happens, And Then In A Few Short Years Events Of Such Tremendous Importance Take Place That The World Is Never The Same Again." I Think That If I Had My Choice, I'd Prefer One Of Those Quiet Centuries," Garion Said Glumly. Oh, No," Silk Said, His Lips Drawing Back In A Ferretlike Grin. "now's The Time To Be Alive - To See It All Happen, To Be A Part Of It. That Makes The Blood Race, And Each Breath Is An Adventure.

When You Get Down To The Bottom Of It, Only About Half Of What We Remember Really Happened. We Tend To Modify Things To Make Ourselves Look Better In Our Own Eyes And In The Eyes Of Others. Then, If What We Did Wasn't Really Very Admirable, We Tend To Forget That It Ever Happened. A Normal Human Being's Grasp On Reality Is Very Tenuous At Best. Our Imaginary Lives Are Usually Much Nicer.

I'm Truly Amazed At You, Garion," Polgara Said. "i Didn't Think You Had The Faintest Idea Of How To Speak A Civilized Language." "thank You," He Said, "i Think.

I Must Admit That I Haven't Heard Of The Duchess Of Erat Before." "you're A Fortunate Man," Wolf Said. "she's A Great Beauty," The Man Said Admiringly. "and Has A Temper To Match," Wolf Told Him. "i Noticed That," The Guard Said. "we Noticed You Noticing," Silk Told Him Slyly.

As Long As I Know That My Motives Are Good, I'm Seldom Very Concerned With The Opinions Of Others. -mandorallen, Baron Of Vo Mandor.

Impatience Is A Poor Substitute For A Well-considered Plan.

This Is Terrible, When A Writer Is Bored By His Own Work, But It Was A Real Bomb And Had Reached The Point Where I Couldn't Even Stand To Look At It Any More.

Don't Wrench Your Shoulder Out Of Its Socket Trying To Pat Yourself On The Back," Beldin Said Sourly.

Wise Are You, Indeed... To Know What Is Not Possible.

Its A Perfectly Good Face, Sparhawk." "it Covers The Front Of My Head. What Else Can You Expect From A Face?

You'll Drive Yourself Crazy If You Start Trying To Pry The Meaning Out Of Every Gust Of Wind Or Rain Squall. I'm Not Denying That There Might Actually Be A Few Signs That You Won't Want To Miss. Knowing The Difference Is The Tricky Part.

Belgarath Turned Back To Senji. “all Right,” He Said. “the Sardion Came To Zamad. How?” “it’s Said To Have Fallen Out Of The Sky.” “they Always Do,” Beldin Said. “someday I’d Like To See Something Rise Up Out Of The Earth –just For The Sake Of Variety.

I Hesitate To Predict Whether This Theory Is True. But If The General Opinion Of Mankind Is Optimistic Then We're In For A Period Of Extreme Popularity For Science Fiction.

I Have An Unconscious Burglar Living In My Mind: If I Read Something, It's Mine. I Can Read Middle English Stories, Geoffrey Chaucer Or Sir Thomas Malory, But Once I Start Moving In The Direction Of Contemporary Fantasy, My Mind Begins To Take Over.

Nothing That's Really Worthwhile Should Be Easy, Belgarion. If It's Easy, We Don't Value It.

It's All Very Well To Put The Government In The Hands Of The Perfect Man, But What Do You Do When The Perfect Man Gets A Bellyache?

Will You Never Grow Up?" "i Doubt It, And I Certainly Hope Not.

I Taught In A Small Teacher's College For Three Or Four Years, At Which Point All The Administrators Got A Pay Raise And The Teaching Faculty Didn't.

Exaggerating?" Silk Sounded Shocked. "you Don't Mean To Say That Horses Can Actually Lie, Do You? Hettar Shrugged. "of Course. They Lie All The Time. They're Very Good At It." For A Moment Silk Looked Outraged At The Thought, And Then He Suddenly Laughed. "somehow That Restores My Faith In The Order Of The Universe," He Declared. Wolf Looked Pained. "silk," He Said Pointedly, "you're A Very Evil Man. Did You Know That?" "one Does One's Best," Silk Replied Mockingly.

Isn't It Odd How The Little Things Can Change A Man's Entire Life?

Now What?” Urgit Warily Asked His Bride-to-be. “am I Disturbing Your Majesty?” Prala Asked. “…you Always Disturb Me, My Beloved,” He Answered Her Question, Spreading His Arms Extravagantly.

But There's A World Beyond What We Can See And Touch, And That World Lives By Its Own Laws. What May Be Impossible In This Very Ordinary World Is Very Possible There, And Sometimes The Boundaries Between The Two Worlds Disappear, And Then Who Can Say What Is Possible And Impossible?

Possible And Impossible

The Notion That Any One Person Can Describe 'what Really Happened' Is An Absurdity. If Ten - Or A Hundred - People Witness An Event, There Will Be Ten - Or A Hundred - Different Versions Of What Took Place. What We See And How We Interpret It Depends Entirely Upon Our Individual Past Experience.

Contemporary Fantasists All Bow Politely To Lord Tennyson And Papa Tolkien, Then Step Around Them To Go Back To The Original Texts For Inspiration--and There Are A Lot Of Those Texts. We Have King Arthur And His Gang In English; We've Got Siegfried And Brunhild In German; Charlemagne And Roland In French; El Cid In Spanish; Sigurd The Volsung In Icelandic; And Assorted 'myghtiest Knights On Lyfe' In A Half-dozen Other Cultures. Without Shame, We Pillage Medieval Romance For All We're Worth.

Everything Is Idiocy If You Choose To Look At It In The Proper Perspective.

What Happened To Your Foot?" "i Had A Little Disagreement With An Eagle --stupid Birds, Eagles. He Couldn't Tell The Difference Between A Hawk And A Pigeon. I Had To Educate Him. He Bit Me While I Was Tearing Out A Sizable Number Of His Wing Feathers." "uncle," Polgara Said Reproachfully. "he Started It.

My Lord, I Find Thy Face Apelike And Thy Form Misshapen. Thy Beard, Moreover, Is An Offense Against Decency, Resembling More Closely The Scabrous Fir Which Doth Decorate The Hinder Portion Of A Mongrel Dog Than A Proper Adornement For A Human Face. Is It Possible That Thy Mother, Seized By Some Wild Lechery, Did Dally At Some Time Past With A Randy Goat? -mandorallen

Nobles And Peasants Marry Early. Businessmen Tend To Wait.

Ordinary Men Live In Fear All The Time. Didn't You Know That? We're Afraid Of The Weather, We're Afraid Of Powerful Men, We're Afraid Of The Night And The Monsters That Lurk In The Dark, We're Afraid Of Growing Old And Of Dying. Sometimes We're Even Afraid Of Living. Ordinary Men Are Afraid Almost Every Minute Of Their Lives.

Start Early And Work Hard. A Writer's Apprenticeship Usually Involves Writing A Million Words (which Are Then Discarded) Before He's Almost Ready To Begin. That Takes A While.

No Day In Which You Learn Something Is A Complete Loss.

I'm Hungry, Garion, And I Don't Think Well When I'm Hungry." "that Might Explain A Lot," Beldin Noted Blandly. "we Should Have Fed You More Often When You Were Younger."

Young People, However, Tend To Ignore The Customs Of Their Elders. Adolescent Rebellion Has Been Responsible For All Manner Of Absurd Costumes. The More Ridiculous A Certain Fashion Is, The More Adolescents Will Cling To It.

We're All Entitled To A Little Stupidity Now And Then.

Heroes Aren't Allowed To Be Nervous." "who Made Up That Rule?" "it's A Known Fact.

I Want A Sword Not A Knitting Needle -kalen

Knitting Needles

If The General Opinion Is Pessimistic, Fantasy Is Going To Hold Its Own.

It's One Of The Advantages Of Being A Woman. I Get To Do All Sorts Of Unfair Things, And You Have To Accept Them Because You're Too Polite Not To. --polgara

Whatever Happened To Him?" Silk Asked. "he Went Swimming In The Nedrane." "i Didn't Know That Thulls Swam All That Well." "they Don't–particularly Not With Large Rocks Tied To Their Feet.

I've Fallen Back On This Periodically, Although I Must Say That Getting Out Of The Grocery Business Ranked Right Up There With Getting Out Of The Army As One Of The Happier Experiences Of My Life.

The First Thing The Boy Garion Remembered Was The Kitchen At Faldor's Farm. For All The Rest Of His Life He Had A Special Warm Feeling For Kitchens And Those Peculiar Sounds And Smells That Seemed Somehow To Combine Into A Bustling Seriousness That Had To Do With Love And Food And Comfort And Security And, Above All, Home. No Matter How High Garion Rose In Life, He Never Forgot That All His Memories Began In That Kitchen.

The Real World Out There Isn't Nearly As Nice As Some People Prefer It To Be, So Don't Swallow Everything Your High-born Teachers Tell You Without Takinga Long Hard Look At It Yourselves.

...i Know That In Your Heart You Miss All Those Wonderful Moments You Spent With My Father --watching Him Gnaw On The Furniture, Listening To His Insane Gibbering, And Enjoying All Those Playful Blows To The Stomach And Kicks To The Head With Which He Demonstrated His Affection For His Wives. --king Urgit

Behold Vo Mimbre," Mandorallen Proclaimed With Pride, "queen Of Cities. Upon That Rock The Tide Of Angarak Crashed And Recoiled And Crashed Again. Upon This Field Met They Their Ruin. The Soul And Pride Of Arendia Doth Reside Within That Fortress And The Power Of The Dark One May Not Prevail Against It." "we've Been Here Before, Mendorallen," Mister Wolf Said Sourly.

Someday You'll Have To Show Me How You Did That," Asharak Was Saying. "i Found The Experience Interesting. My Horse Had Hysterics, However." "my Apologies To Your Horse.

...it's As Empty As A Merchant's Soul. Sorry, Kheldar, It's Just An Old Expression." "that's All Right, Beldin," Silk Forgave Him Grandly. "these Little Slips Of The Tongue Are Common In The Very Elderly.

You're A Cynic," Urgit Accused. Silk Shook His Head. "no, Your Majesty. I'm A Realist.

...zedar Was Gone...as An Owl, Though, I Was Able To Drift Silently From Tree To Tree Until I Caught Up With Him...he Wasn't Really Hard To Follow, Since He'd Conjured Up A Dim, Greenish Light To See By --and To Hold Off The Boogiemen. Did I Ever Tell You That Zedar's Afraid Of The Dark? That Adds Another Dimension To His Present Situation, Doesn't It? He Was Bundled To The Ears In Furs, And He Was Muttering To Himself As He Floundered Along Through The Snow. Zedar Talks To Himself A Lot. He Always Has. ...i Drifted To A Nearby Tree And Watched Him --owlishly. Sorry. I Couldn't Resist That.

Garion Started Shaving. "try To Keep Away From Your Nose," Said Hettar Wryly. "a Man Looks Quite Strange Without A Nose.

Listen To The Way People Talk. If Your Characters Sound Real The Rest Is Easy.

It's Gaudy, Ugly, And In Terribly Bad Taste. It Does, However, Suit My Personality Almost Perfectly.

I Didn't Particularly Feel Like Being Arrested, So I Argued With The Soldiers A Bit. Several Of Them Died During The Argument - Those Things Happen Once In A While. Unfortunately, One Of The Casualties Was Taur Urgas' Oldest Son. The King Of The Murgos Took It Personally. He's Very Narrow-minded Sometimes. - Silk

The Unfortunate Thing About Working For Yourself Is That You Have The Worst Boss In The World. I Work Every Day Of The Year Except At Christmas, When I Work A Half Day.

Unfortunate Things

One Of The Less Attractive Aspects Of Human Nature Is Our Tendency To Hate The People We Haven't Treated Very Well; It's Much Easier Than Accepting Guilt. If We Can Convince Ourselves That The People We Betrayed Or Enslaved Were Subhuman Monsters In The First Place, Then Our Guilt Isn't Nearly So Black As We Secretly Know That It Is. Humans Are Very, Very Good At Shifting Blame And Avoiding Guilt.

When Ignorance Is Bliss, There's Folly In Wisdom.

Ignorance Is Bliss

All Social Workers Want Is To Get Everyone Involved In A Programme. Because A Programme Provides Full Employment For Three Generations Of Social Workers. And They Mess Up.

I Thought You Said You Were The One In Charge!" Ce'nedra Exclaimed. I Lied." Silk Said. "it's A Vice I Have.

Reed College Required A Thesis For A Bachelor's Degree. Normally A Bachelor's Is Sort Of Like Being Stamped 'prime Us Beef.' They Just Walk You Through, Hand Out The Diplomas And You Fill In Your Name Later On.

As Soon As A Friendship Passed A Certain Point - Some Obscure And Secret Boundary - A Woman Quite Automatically Became Overwhelmed By A Raging Compulsion To Complicate Things.

Someday I’d Like To See Something Rise Up Out Of The Earth –just For The Sake Of Variety.

The Whole World Is Beautiful, Belgarion' Eriond Assured Him In Response To That Unspoken Thought. 'you Just Have To Know How To Look At It

Now Do You See Why War Irritates Me? It's Always The Same. A Lot Of People Get Killed, But In The End, The Whole Thing Is Settled At The Conference Table. The Notion Of Having The Conference First Doesn't Seem To Occur To People.

Once You've Decided That Something's Absolutely True, You've Closed Your Mind On It, And A Closed Mind Doesn't Go Anywhere. Question Everything. That's What Education's All About.

I Wrote A Novel For My Degree, And I'm Very Happy I Didn't Submit That To A Publisher. I Sympathize With My Professors Who Had To Read It.

Women Are Almost Always Angry With Men For One Reason Or Another. It's One Of Things You'll Have To Get Used To, As You Get Older.

Behold The Drojim Palace," King Urgit Said Extravagantly To Sadi, "the Hereditary Home Of The House Of Urga." "a Most Unusual Structure, You Majesty," Sadi Murmured. "that's A Diplomatic Way To Put It." Urgit Looked Critically At His Palace. "it's Gaudy, Ugly, And In Terribly Bad Taste. It Does, However, Suit My Personality Almost Perfectly.

Nothing That Ever Happens Is So Unimportant That It Doesn't Change Things.

It's Only A Story, Isn't It?"... "who's To Say What's Only A Story And What's Truth Disguised As A Story?

Don’t Be Afraid To Discard Work You Know Isn’t Up To Standard. Don’t Save Junk, Just Because It Took You A Long Time To Write It.

I've Looked At The World For Quite A Few Years Now And I've Found That If I Don't Laugh, I'll Probably End Up Crying." - Prince Kheldar Of Drasnia

The Old Man Was Peering Intently At The Shelves. 'i'll Have To Admit That He's A Very Competent Scholar.' Isn't He Just A Librarian?' Garion Asked, 'somebody Who Looks After Books?' That's Where All The Rest Of Scholarship Starts, Garion. All The Books In The World Won't Help You If They're Just Piled Up In A Heap.

Events Are Like Horses. Sometimes They Run Away. After They've Run For A While, Though, They'll Start To Walk Again. Then There'll Be A Time To Put Everything Together.

As Soon As Somebody Falls In Love, All The Wits Seem To Dribble Out Of The Bottom Of His Head.

Falling In Love

The Only Reason There's Such A Thing As A Morning In The First Place Is To Keep Night And Afternoon From Bumping Into Each Other. -kheldar

Why Do You Persist In Being So Frivolous, Urgit?" "why Don't We Just Call It A Symptom Of My Incipient Madness?" "you're Not Going To Go Mad," She Said Firmly. "of Course I'm Going To Go Mad, Mother. I'm Rather Looking Forward To It.

Looking Forward

Belgarath And Garion Effortlessly Hurdled Over The Driftwood And Loped Off Into The Fog. "it's Going To Be A Wet Day," Garion Noted Soundlessly As He Ran Alongside The Great Silver Wolf. "your Fur Won't Melt." "i Know, But My Paws Get Cold When They're Wet." "i'll Have Durnik Make You Some Little Booties." "that Would Be Absolutely Ridiculous, Grandfather," Garion Said Indignantly.

Misty Sendaria," Silk Said Ironically. "sometimes I'm Amazed That The Entire Kingdom Doesn't Rust Shut.

Water....i'm Thirsty Not Dirty.

Now's The Time To Be Alive - To See It All Happen, To Be A Part Of It. That Makes The Blood Race, And Each Breath Is An Adventure.

Sparhawk Grinned. "if Martel Finds Out That He's Drinking Again, He'll Reach Down His Throat And Pull His Heart Out." "can You Actually Do That To A Man?" "you Can If Your Arm's Long Enough, And If You Know What You're Looking For.[...]

...only In The Surrender Of The Light Could The Darkness Prevail.

Durnik Needs A Tower Somewhere In The Vale," Belgarath Was Saying. "i Don't See Why, Father," Polgara Replied. "all Of Aldur's Disciples Have Towers, Pol. It's The Custom." "old Customs Persist --even When There's No Longer Any Need For Them." "he's Going To Need To Study, Pol. How Can He Possibly Study With You Underfoot All The Time?" She Gave Him A Long, Chilly Stare. "maybe I Should Rephrase That.

All I Knew Was That I Would Die If He Sent Me Away. He Shrugged. You Can Cut A Man’s Heart Out With A Shrug, Did You Know That?

I Get Up At An Unholy Hour In The Morning My Work Day Is Completed By The Time The Sun Rises. I Have A Slightly Bad Back Which Has Made An Enormous Contribution To American Literature.

Zakath's Face Grew Thoughtful. "you Know Something, Garion?" He Said. "man Thinks He Owns The World, But We Share It With All Sorts Of Creatures Who Are Indifferent To Our Overlordship. They Have Their Own Societies, And I Supposed Even Their Own Cultures. They Don't Even Pay Attention To Us, Do You?" "only When We Inconvenience Them...it Teaches Us Humility," Garion Agreed.

...i Made Some More Threats. I've Got This Big Knife Back Here." He Poked His Thumb Over His Shoulder. "it Attracts A Lot Of Attention Sometimes.

Ce'nedra Returned, Frowning And A Little Angry. "they Won't Give Me Their Eggs, Lady Polgara," She Complained. "they're Sitting One Them." "you Have To Reach Under Them And Take The Eggs, Dear." "won't That Make Them Angry?" "are You Afraid Of A Chicken?

It's The Nature Of Man To Ask Questions. --belgarath

Vella Looked Around. "this Is Really A Revolting Place, Yarblek," She Told Him. "you've Been Spending Too Much Time With Porenn," He Said. "you're Starting To Get Delicate." "how Would You Like To Have Me Gut You?" She Offered. "that's My Girl.

Any Time There's Something So Ridiculously Dangerous That No Rational Human Being Would Try It, They Send For Me.' --garion

I'm A Storyteller, Not A Prophet. I'm Just Interested In A Good Story.

When Love Is Involved No Sacrifice Is Too Great.

Keep Working. Keep Trying. Keep Believing. You Still Might Not Make It, But At Least You Gave It Your Best Shot. If You Don’t Have Calluses On Your Soul, This Isn’t For You. Take Up Knitting Instead.

If You're Going To Maintain Any Kind Of Self-respect, You're Going To Have To Keep Secrets From Yourself.

I'd Really Like To Go With You, Agachak. Truly I Would...but I Just Can't." "i Don't Understand. Why Not?" "i'm Not Allowed To Leave Home. My Mother'd Punish Me Something Awful If I Did..." "but You're The King." "that Doesn't Change A Thing. I Still Do What Mother Says. She Tells Everybody That I'm The Best Boy Ever When It Comes To That." Agachak Resisted A Powerful Urge To Change This Half-wit Into A Toad Or Perhaps A Jellyfish.

The Dullest Man In The World Is Charming Beyond Belief When He's Pouring Gold Coins From One Hand To The Other.

If You'd Just Try, I'm Sure You'd Be Able To Fly.

Who Owns A Man, Durnik?” The Blond Young Man Asked Sadly. “the One Who Rules Him, Or The One Who Pays Him?

Isn't It Easier To Forgive Than To Hate? -eriond

I'm Never Going To Be In Danger Of Getting The Nobel Prize For Literature.

Call It My Little Gesture Toward Social Conscience, But I Like To Think I'm Teaching A Certain Number Of People To Read. Now That Sounds Pretentious!

Isn't It Easier To Forgive Than To Hate? Until We Learn How To Forgive, That Sort Of Thing Is Going To Keep On Happening." He Pointed At The Tall Pillars Of Smoke Rising To The North. "hate Is A Sterile Thing, Belgarion.

The One Of Us Who Lies The Best Will Get The Better Of The Bargain. It's A Game. A Very Exciting Game That's Played All Over The World. Good Players Got Rich, And Bad Players Don't.

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