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I Have Always Preferred The Company Of Older People. No One In The History Of The World Has Had Less Interest In The Young Than I Do. I Am Not Interested In What Young People Are Thinking. They're Thinking Less Than Old People, Of Course. I Mean, What Could They Be Thinking? And What Are They Doing? They're Doing The Same Stupid Things You Did.

-Fran Lebowitz

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I Have Always Preferred

Fran Lebowitz

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I Have Always Preferred The Company Of Older People. No One In The History Of The World Has Had Less Interest In The Young Than I Do. I Am Not Interested In What Young People Are Thinking. They're Thinking Less Than Old People, Of Course. I Mean, What Could They Be Thinking? And What Are They Doing? They're Doing The Same Stupid Things You Did.

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Technological Innovation Has Done Great Damage ... To Eating Habits. Food Is Now Available In Such Unpleasant Forms That One Frequently Finds Smoking Between Courses To Be An Aid To Digestion.

While It Is Undeniably True That People Love A Surprise, It Is Equally True That They Are Seldom Pleased To Suddenly And Without Warning Happen Upon A Series Of Prunes In What They Took To Be A Normal Loin Of Pork.

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All Style Is Personal - That's What Distinguishes It From Fashion.

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By The Time Everyone Catches Up With You, You're Bored.

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I Have A Double Policy, Which Would Also Solve Immigration: I Would Stand At The Border Of New York City And I Would Say, "you Can Come Here To Live, But You Can't Come Here To Visit."

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Writing Is So Hard. Why Would You Be A Writer If You Weren't Really Good At It? If You Could Be Anything Else, Why Would You Be A Writer?

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Falling In Love

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In A Print Interview, As You May Or May Not Know, They [editors] Can Do Whatever They Want. And They Do. This Is Why Most People Are More Hesitant To Do Print, Because They Can Change It, And They Do Change It. They Even Change Things That Are In Quotation Marks, Which Is A Pet Peeve Of Mine. I've Said To Numerous Reporters, "would You Read Me Back My Direct Quotes?" And They Always Say No. They Always Say That's Against The Policy.

Ever Since I Was A Little Child, I Refused To See Movies Of Books That I Loved. Because You Already Know What Heidi Looks Like And She Doesn't Look Like Shirley Temple.

I've Never Had The Experience Of Being Edited And Never Will.

Life Was Certainly More Entertaining When People Were Indulging Their Vices As Opposed To Going To Meetings To Indulge In A New Vice: Discussing Their Innermost Thoughts In Public.

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People Who Get Married Because They're In Love Make A Ridiculous Mistake. It Makes Much More Sense To Marry Your Best Friend. You Like Your Best Friend More Than Anyone You're Ever Going To Be In Love With. You Dont Choose Your Best Friend Because They Have A Cute Nose.

I Must Take Issue With The Term 'a Mere Child,' For It Has Been My Invariable Experience That The Company Of A Mere Child Is Infinitely Preferable To That Of A Mere Adult.

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When Someone Asks, 'why Do You Think He's Not Calling Me?' There's Always One Answer - 'he's Not Interested.' There's Not Ever Any Other Answer.

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No Animal Should Ever Jump Up On The Dining-room Furniture Unless Absolutely Certain That He Can Hold His Own In The Conversation.

People Elect The President For Reasons That Have Nothing To Do With His Ability To Be President.

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There Are Two Kinds Of Music - Good Music And Bad Music. Good Music Is Music That I Want To Hear. Bad Music Is Music That I Don't Want To Hear.

Nature Is By And Large To Be Found Out Of Doors, A Location Where, It Cannot Be Argued, There Are Never Enough Comfortable Chairs.

One [new York] Eatery Is A Remodeled Diner That Looks Like What Busby Berkeley Would Have Done If Only He Hadn't Had The Money.

Life Is So Absurd Now That It Is Almost Impossible To Be A Satirist In This Era.

In New York We Have Zillions Of Different Kinds Of People, Many Of Them Hate Each Other, But Violence Based On That Hatred Is Really Uncommon Here.

The Main Symptom Of Falling In Love Is That You Lose Your Intellectual Prowess.

Falling In Love

Generally Speaking, It Is Inhumane To Detain A Fleeting Insight.

When It Comes To Sports I Am Not Particularly Interested. Generally Speaking, I Look Upon Them As Dangerous And Tiring Activities Performed By People With Whom I Share Nothing Except The Right To Trial By Jury.

What Do They Do In These [private] Clubs, Anyway? Sit Around Saying Things Like 'thank God I'm Here. No Jews! What Fun! This Is Living, Huh? Look! No Jews! I Don't Know When I've Had A Better Time. And No Women! Just Men! And No Blacks! Just Whites! White Men! White Men Who Are Not Jewish! It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This.' To Some People, Apparently, This Is A Perfect Description Of Injustice. To Me, This Is A Perfect Description Of A Gay Bar In Iceland.

I Stopped Taking Drugs When I Was 19, And Who Wants To Drive A Cab Around New York With Drugs In Their Car?

Children Are Much Less Annoying [than Adults] And They Never Start Trends.

Do Not Approach With Anything Even Resembling Assurance A Restaurant That Moves.

There Are Too Many Books. The Books Are Terrible. And This Is Because You Have Been Taught To Have Self-esteem.

Cold Soup Is A Very Tricky Thing And It Is A Rare Hostess Who Can Carry It Off. More Often Than Not The Dinner Guest Is Left With The Impression That Had He Only Come A Little Earlier He Could Have Gotten It While It Was Still Hot.

The Most Common Error Made In Matters Of Appearance Is The Belief That One Should Disdain The Superficial And Let The True Beauty Of One's Soul Shine Through. If There Are Places On Your Body Where This Is A Possibility, You Are Not Attractive - You Are Leaking.

While Clothes With Pictures And/or Writing On Them Are Not Entirely An Invention Of The Modern Age, They Are An Unpleasant Indication Of The General State Of Things. ... I Mean, Be Realistic. If People Don't Want To Listen To You, What Makes You Think They Want To Hear From Your Sweater?

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Those Who Use The Word 'lifestyle' Are Rarely In Possession Of Either.

Television Turned Out To Be Exactly As Bad As The Most Irritating And Pedantic Intellectuals Of The '50s Said It Was Going To Be.

What I Can't Be Is Monogamous. That Tends To Upset People. I Just Don't Like Domestic Life.

[children Are] Like Talking Animals. Their Consciousness Is So Different From Ours That They Constitute A Different Species. They Don't Have To Be Particularly Interesting Children; Just The Fact That They Are Children Is Sufficient. They Don't Know What Anything Is, So They Have To Make It Up. No Matter How Dull They Are, They Still Have To Figure Things Out For Themselves.

Your Life Story Would Not Make A Good Book. Don't Even Try.

I'm Very Lazy, I Hate To Work.

I Don't Care If New York Avoided Bankruptcy By Substituting Tourism For The Garment Business.

I Wish That Real Estate Were Cheaper And Clothes Were More Expensive.

If You Read A Lot, Nothing Is As Great As You've Imagined. Venice Is - Venice Is Better.

The First Step In Having Any Successful War Is Getting People To Fight It.

[on Parenthood:] You Can't Change Your Mind--you Know, And Say, This Isn't Working Out, Let's Sell.

Children Are The Most Desirable Opponents At Scrabble As They Are Both Easy To Beat And Fun To Cheat.

I Love Sleep Because It Is Both Pleasant And Safe To Use. Pleasant Because One Is In The Best Possible Company And Safe Because Sleep Is The Consummate Protection Against The Unseemliness That Is The Invariable Consequence Of Being Awake. What You Don't Know Won't Hurt You. Sleep Is Death Without The Responsibility.

I Am A New Yorker. I Like New York. And I Like Cities. And It's Not My Desire To Make New York More Suburban. I Would Personally Just Like To Vet Each Person.

If, While Watching The Sun Set On A Used-car Lot In Los Angeles, You Are Struck By The Parallels Between This Image And The Inevitable Fate Of Humanity, Do Not, Under Any Circumstances, Write It Down.

I Believe In Talking Behind Peoples' Backs. That Way, They Hear It More Than Once.

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