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I Dropped My Voice And Stared Into Her Eyes. I Could Tell She Was Trying Hard Not To Look Away. I Was So Furious I Could Have Cheerfully Ripped Her Head Off. "but You're Going To Find Out, Mom,' I Said Very Softly."and It's Gonna Give You Nightmares For The Rest Of Your Wasted Life." Oh, My God, I Was So Badass. It Was All I Could Do To Not Give A Mwa Ha Ha!

-James Patterson

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I Dropped My Voice

James Patterson

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I Dropped My Voice And Stared Into Her Eyes. I Could Tell She Was Trying Hard Not To Look Away. I Was So Furious I Could Have Cheerfully Ripped Her Head Off. "but You're Going To Find Out, Mom,' I Said Very Softly."and It's Gonna Give You Nightmares For The Rest Of Your Wasted Life." Oh, My God, I Was So Badass. It Was All I Could Do To Not Give A Mwa Ha Ha!

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Holy [insert Your Choice Of A Swear Word Here]," Said Fang Stunned.

You Can Call Me Agent Mickelson,' He Told Me With A Smile. 'what About You? Is Max Short For Something? Maxine?' 'no, Dean. It's Just Max.

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Don't Ever Leave Me Again." -max I Won't. I Won't Not Ever." -fang

The Next Morning, Fang And I Broke Up. Now Let Me Get This Strait, I Broke Up With Him. A Split Second After He Broke Up With Me.

Beware The Anger Of A Patient Man.

Yeah, Well, Asparagus Is Good For Me, But It Still Makes Me Want To Throw Up.

I Guess I Write Four Or Five Hours A Day, But I Do It Seven Days A Week. It's Very Disciplined, Yes, But It's Joy For Me.

That Machine Took My Money!' I Said. 'i Must Have Revenge!

Maybe He Was A Good A Good Whitecoat—like Jeb. And Maybe The Moon Was Made Of Cream Cheese.

Popcorn For Breakfast! Why Not? It's A Grain. It's Like Grits, But With High Self-esteem.

Fang Swerved Closer To Me, Big And Supremely Graceful, Like A Black Panther With Wings. Oh, God. I'm So Stupid. Forget I Just Said That. "he Needs A Band-aid," I Said. A Look Passed Between Me And Fang, Full Of Suppressed Humor, Relief, Understanding,love — Forget I Said That Too. I Don't Know What's Wrong With Me.

I'm Big On Having A Blistering Pace. That's One Of The Hallmarks Of What I Do, And That's Not Easy. I Never Blow Up Cars And Things Like That, So It's Something Else That Keeps The Suspense Flowing. I Try Not To Write A Chapter That Isn't Going To Turn On The Movie Projector In Your Head.

A Vet! I Started Laughing Weakly And Had To Sit On The Edge Of The Tub. A Vet. Wait Till They Found Out How Appropriate That Was.

There Was Something I Needed To Say. “sorry. About Before.” Fang Shot A Sideways Glance At Me, His Eyes Dark And Inscrutable, As Always. He Looked Back Out At The Water. I Didn’t Expect Any More Acknowledgment Than That. Fang Never- “you Almost Gave Me A Heart Attack,” He Said Quietly. “when I Saw You, And All That Blood . . .” He Threw A Small Rock As Hard As He Could Down The Beach. “i’m Sorry.” “don’t Do It Again,” He Said. I Swallowed Hard. “i Won’t.” Something Changed Right Then, But I Didn’t Know What.

I Read Some, And Then Visited With People Involved In This Curious, Exciting And Somewhat Misunderstood Sub-culture. I Met With A Fang Maker, Who Offered To Fit Me For An Exquisite Pair.

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We Try Not To Encourage Demonstrations Of His Mastery Of The Gaseous Arts.

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Jackpot, Max! Jackpot!" It Was Fang And He Was Giggling Hysterically. For Those Of You Just Joining Us, Fang Doesn't Giggle, Esspecially Hysterically.

You're Children. Don't You Want A Home, A Family?" "with, Like, Vitamin-fortified Cereal And Educational Television?

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Steve Turned To Us Again, Looking So Dang Enthusastic That I Wondered How Much Coffee He'd Had This Morning. "so, You Kids Want To Be Big Stars, Eh?" God, No!" I Said Spewing Crumbs. "no Way!" Oddly, This Seemed To Throw A Petite Wrench Into The Convo.

I Hung My Head, And I Felt Someone, Fang, Gather Me Gently To Him. My Cheek Rested On His Shoulder, And My Silent Tears Soaked His Torn Shirt.he Felt Warm And Strong And Heartbreakingly Familiar. And At That Moment, Not A Single Thing In My Life Was Certain, Strong, Or Whole. Nothing. Least Of All Fang.

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They Turned To Angel. "we Will Call You Little One," The Leader Said, Obviously Deciding To Dispense With The Whole Confusing Name Thing. "okay," Said Angel Agreeably. "i'll Call You Guy In A White Lab Coat." He Frowned. "that Can Be His Indian Name," I Suggested.

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Gazzy Called Over To Me "i Can't See Anything!" "i Can't See Anything Either," Iggy Complained. "i'm Rolling My Eyes, Ig." I Had To Tell Him That Because He Couldn't See Me Do It, What With His Blindness And All.

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I Dropped My Voice And Stared Into Her Eyes. I Could Tell She Was Trying Hard Not To Look Away. I Was So Furious I Could Have Cheerfully Ripped Her Head Off. "but You're Going To Find Out, Mom,' I Said Very Softly."and It's Gonna Give You Nightmares For The Rest Of Your Wasted Life." Oh, My God, I Was So Badass. It Was All I Could Do To Not Give A Mwa Ha Ha!

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And Then As Always, I Saw The Prayer Coming At Me. And, As Always, Number 1 Killed Me! Set Me On Fire, Cooked Me To Medium Rare And Then Ate Me! I Really, Really, Really Hope I Haven't Just Given Away The Ending Of This Story.

Some Kids Get Called "bundles Of Joy" Or "slices Of Heaven" Or "dreams Come True." We Got "the Fifty-fourth Generation Of Dna Experiments." Doesn't Have The Same Warm And Fuzzy Feel. But Maybe I'm Oversensitive.

If By 'miracle Kids' You Mean Innocent Test-tube Babies Whose Dna Was Forcibly Unraveled And Merged With Two Percent Avian Genes, Yeah, I Guess That Would Be Us," I Said. "because It's A Miracle That We're Not Complete Nut Jobs And Mutant Disasters.

Better Readers Are Better Thinkers.

Do We Have Any Chlorine? It Seems To Be Kind Of Explosive When Mixed With Other Stuff." "like What, Your Socks? No, We Don't Have Chlorine. No Swimming Pool.

Just Because Life Is Hard, And Always Ends In A Bad Way, Doesn't Mean That All Stories Have To, Even If That's What They Tell Us In School And In The New York Times Review. In Fact, It's A Good Thing That Stories Are As Different As We Are, One From Another.

I Hate This Guy,” Ari Muttered, Keeping His Head Down “there’s A Club,” I Told Him. “the Haters Of Ter Borcht Club. Have You Gotten Your Badge Yet?

My Life Would Never Contain A Convenient, Pain-saving Plan When It Could Stretch A Problem Out Into An Endless Agony Of Uncertainty And Torture.

Why Do Things This Beautiful Make Me Want To Cry?" I Asked Michael As I Leaned Into Him. It Was An Unguarded Question, One I'd Never Have Asked Of Hugh. "i Don't Know," Said Michael. "maybe Beauty, True Beauty, Is So Overwhelming, It Goes Straight To Our Hearts. Maybe It Makes Us Feel Emotions That Are Locked Away Inside.

Assume Nothing, Question Everything.

He Nuzzled My Neck, Inhaling Deeply. “mmm. You Smell So Good.” “oh, Yeah,” I Said, Smirking. “i Call This New Perfume ‘le Jungle Grime Et Tropical Bo.’ ” “dirt And Sweat. Very Sexy.

Awwww, Lame, We're Not Going To Disneyworld. (said By The Amazing Talking Dog, Total)

Home Is Wherever We All Are Together.

A Guy Who Hates His Job Isn't Going To Be Too Charming At Home.

I Don't Damsel Well. Distress, I Can Do. Damseling? Not So Much.

Fang (sarcasticaly): Go Pick Out A Tree And I'll Carve Our Initials In It. Max: (screams And Goes In The Bathroom)

Angel: What's Sauerkraut? Max: You Don't Want It. Trust Me.

I Took A Bite Of Cookie And Chewed. “hmmm,” I Said, Trying Not To Spit Crumbs. “clear Vanilla Notes, Too-sweet Chocolate Chips, Distinct Flavor Of Brown Sugar. A Decent Cookie, Not Spectacular. Still, A Good-hearted Cookie, Not Pretentious.” I Turned To Fang. “what Say You?” “it’s Fine.” Some People Just Don’t Have What It Takes To Appreciate A Cookie.

Did You Know That Wasn’t Me, The Other Max?” I Asked. “yeah.” “when?” “right Away.” “how?” I Persisted. “we Look Identical. She Even Had Identical Scars And Scratches. She Was Wearing My Clothes. How Could You Tell Us Apart?” He Turned To Me And Grinned, Making My World Brighter. “she Offered To Cook Breakfast.

I Offered To Pee On Him, But They Said No

His Face Flushed, And I Felt Like Cheering. "yes," He Said Stiffly. "besides De Vings." "hmm. Besides De Vings." Nudge Tapped One Finger Against Her Chin. "um..." Her Face Brightened. "i Once Ate Nine Snickers Bars In One Sitting. Without Barfing. That Was A Record!" "hardly A Special Talent," Ter Borcht Said Witheringly. Nudge Was Offended. "yeah? Let's See You Do It." ... ... "i Vill Now Eat Nine Snickers Bars," Gazzy Said In A Perfect, Creepy Imitation Of Ter Borcht's Voice, "visout Bahfing."

Denial Is Not Just A River In Egypt.

Is It Important To Be Right Or Is It Important To Do What's Right? That's One Of The Hardest Lessons To Learn.

I Play A Mean Harmonica

Ultimately, A Great Thriller Is A Roller Coaster Ride. I Like To Think That's A Promise I Have Never Failed To Keep, And One That I'd Say Has Served My Books Well.

Sitting Tight? Holing Up? Waiting For Answers? Those Are Things I'm Not Good At. Planning A Massive Attack Against Mechanical Geeky-like Things When I Was Already Furious And Itching To Kill Something? Piece O'cake

Basically, I Have Two Speeds.... Hostile Or Smart-aleck. Your Choice.

The Trick To Having Obedient, Unquestioning Children Was To Have Death Be The Other Option

Pain Is A Message, And You Can Choose To Ignore That Message.

It's Okay, Ig." Said Fang. "just Give It Your Best Shot." Sometimes The Fangster Is Incredibly Supportive, Just Not With Me.

What I Said Yesterday Didn't Mean Anything! I Love Everyone In The Flock! Plus, It Was The Valium Talking!" "uh-huh. You Just Keep Telling Yourself That. You Looove Me." Max: (tries To Punch Him) "pick A Tree. I'll Go Carve Our Initials In It." Max: (screams And Runs Into Bathroom)

You Really Are A Scary Man,no Really! If I Had Boots I Would Be Quaking In Them.

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