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I Had A Question. "why Does The Name Pearl Harbor Sound So Familiar?" The Lieutenant Colonel's Eyes Narrowed. "pearl Harbor Is The Most Famous U.s. Military Base In The World," He Said Crisply. "it's The Only Place On U.s. Soil That Has Been Attacked In A Wars, Since The Revolutionary War." None Of This Was Ringing A Bell, But You Already Know I'm Totally Uneducated. Gazzy Leaned Over To Whisper, "it Was A Movie With Ben Affleck." Ah. Now I Remembered.

-James Patterson

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I Had A Question.

James Patterson

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I Had A Question. "why Does The Name Pearl Harbor Sound So Familiar?" The Lieutenant Colonel's Eyes Narrowed. "pearl Harbor Is The Most Famous U.s. Military Base In The World," He Said Crisply. "it's The Only Place On U.s. Soil That Has Been Attacked In A Wars, Since The Revolutionary War." None Of This Was Ringing A Bell, But You Already Know I'm Totally Uneducated. Gazzy Leaned Over To Whisper, "it Was A Movie With Ben Affleck." Ah. Now I Remembered.

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I Mean, Who Cares About Spongebob Squarepants? I'm Sitting Here With Wolverine! -random Kid Talking To Ari

Boy, You Just Can't Kill People Like You Used To.

You Can Help Each Other, Max, Said The Unwelcome Voice. You're Perfect Complements To Each Other. "shut Up!" I Hissed Under My Breath, And Dylan Looked Startled. "i Didn't Say Anything." Gritting My Teeth, I Nodded. "no, I Know. It's Just-" I Decided To Take A Risk And Stare Him Down. "i Hear Voices, Okay? If You're Gonna Be Here, Get Used To It. Or Else Keep Your Distance.

It Was The Building From The Drawing In My Brain. And If You Don’t Think That’s A Weird Sentence, Maybe You Should Reread It.

Look, I Guess It's Natural, You're Teenagers, Its Springtime,everyone's Thoughts Are Turning To Birds And Bees And Caterpillars And Moths..... - Iggy

Gazzy Called Over To Me "i Can't See Anything!" "i Can't See Anything Either," Iggy Complained. "i'm Rolling My Eyes, Ig." I Had To Tell Him That Because He Couldn't See Me Do It, What With His Blindness And All.

Have You Ever Been To Colorado?" I Frowned. "is That One Of Those Square Ones, In The Middle?

Then I Found It: The Source Of The Blood, The Place Where He'd Been Shot. 'total?' I Said, And I Got A Slight Whimper. 'you Have A Boo-boo On Your Tail.

You Could Lock The Gasman In A Padded Cell With Some Dental Floss And A Bowl Of Jell-o, And He'd Find A Way To Make Something To Explode.

I Remembered Something My First Partner Had Told Me. Never Wrestle With A Pig, Lindsay. You Both Get Dirty. The Pig Likes It.

Love Means Never Having To Be Apart

I Saw The First Episode Of "the Walking Dead," And That's All I've Seen. I Thought It Was Good. I Used To Love Zombies When I Was Little, But I Don't Like Them The Way I Used To. I'm Not Knocking The Show.

Save Your World. Love It. Protect It, And Respect It And Don't Let Haters Represent It. Don't Leave The Saving To Anyone Else, Ever, Because, Exhibit A - Why, Hello There - It's Way Too Much For One Person. And If You Want To Skip Out On The Responsibility Train, My Whole Life - And Death - Will Have Been In Vain. It's Yours. It's All Yours For Taking! You're Not Going To Waste It Now, Are You?

For Example, You Go To Fuji, And There Are No Animal Attacks. Why? And I Think That Gets You Into The World Of "the Walking Dead" Or "lost." Humans Start Doing Some Weird Stuff.

Do You Ever Have Dirty Thoughts About Spongebob?

One Of The Interesting Things About Ya Books - I Don't Know About Percy Jackson, But I Do Know About 'twilight' And 'maximum Ride': There Are A Lot Of Adult Readers. In Fact, We Released 'maximum Ride' Both As A Paperback For Kids And As A Mass Release For Adults.

There's A Saying I Remember From My Grandmother: One Today Is Worth Two Tomorrows.

I Don't Know About The Rest Of You Who Have Little Voices, But Something About Mine Made Me Feel Completely Compelled To Listen To It.

The Weird, Weird Thing About Devastating Loss Is Tha Life Actually Goes On.

We Is Always So Much Better Than I.

Choose Now," He Spat, His Eyes Practically Shooing Sparks. "me Or Him." Gosh,fang, You Romantic Fool," I Said Sarcastically."howw Incredibly Sexist Pig Of You.

In A Manner Of Speaking. As We Intend For You To Found A Dynasty. And That Dynasty Will Rule Society Until It Has Progressed Enough To-" "overthrow The Dynasty In A Revolutionary, Blood Filled Coup!" Iggy Said Eagerly. We All Looked At Him. "just Saying." He Sheepishly Took A Bite Of Cookie.

Angel: What's Sauerkraut? Max: You Don't Want It. Trust Me.

Do You Like To Eat Things? -i Love Eating. I List It As A Hobby.

Please, Sit Down," Sharon Said With Another Hair Toss. I Made A Mental Note To Practice Doing That In A Mirror The Next Time I Saw One. It Seemed A Useful Skill, Right Up There With Roundhouse Kicks.

I'm A Very Good Storyteller; I Have A Lot Of Compassion For People. That's Very Useful For A Novelist. A Lot Of Novelists Are Snots. They're Just Mean People. I'm Not A Terribly Skilled Stylist, Nor Do I Want To Be. I Want A Lot Of People To Read One Of My Stories And Go, 'that Was Pretty Cool.'

What Are You Doing In There, Waxing Your Mustache?” Iggy Yelled, Pounding On The Bathroom Door. I Yanked The Door Open And Pushed Him Backward Hard, Making Him Stagger. “i Don’t Have A Mustache, You Idiot!” Iggy Giggled And Put His Arms Up To Protect Himself In Case I Punched Him. “and You Know What?” I Added. “you Don’t Have One Either. Well, Maybe In A Couple Years. You Can Always Hope.” I Left Him In The Hallway, Anxiously Fingering His Upper Lip.

Jackpot, Max! Jackpot!" It Was Fang And He Was Giggling Hysterically. For Those Of You Just Joining Us, Fang Doesn't Giggle, Esspecially Hysterically.

Yes," I Said. "my Name Is Seven-five-nine-nine-three-nine-ex-dash-one. Junior.

If The White House Could Do More To Tell Parents That Getting Children Reading Is Their Business Too, We'd See A Big Difference. Hollywood And The Nba Or Nfl Could Step In, Too. In England They Have An Event Called Book Day, Where Every Child Receives A Pound To Use At Any Bookstore.

Blood City Iii: The Massacre. I'd Read The Summary Of It Online, And Frankly, It Sounded Like The Directors Had Just Decided To Film My Life.

He Could Totally Be Your Boyfriend," [angel] Went On With Annoying Persistence. "you Guys Could Get Married. I Could Be Like A Junior Bridesmaid. Total Could Be Your Flower Dog.

Well, I Get Under People's Skins. It's A Gift I Have, What Can I Say?

Life Can Be Like Walking On A High Wire. Falling Seems A Tiny Misstep Away.

Actually, I'd Already Briefed Him, Early This Morning. Since We Were Up At Six. Since, At Six, The Nurse Had Been Overcome With The Overwhelming Compulsion To Take Fang's Temperature Right Then.

Fair Isn't Fair, Dean. Like I'm Supposed To Help You Because Fair Is Fair? Try I Need You To Help Me So I Wont Rip Out Your Spine And Beat You With It. I Might Respond To That, Maybe.

You're A Diabolical Little Pyro, Aren't You? He Blushed Modestly.

He Gives My Hand A Tight Squeeze, But That Desperation, That Urgency Between Us Is Gone. No Insecurities. Max And Fang. Fang And Max. No Longer A Question. We Just Are.

Sitting Tight? Holing Up? Waiting For Answers? Those Are Things I'm Not Good At. Planning A Massive Attack Against Mechanical Geeky-like Things When I Was Already Furious And Itching To Kill Something? Piece O'cake

Pick A Tree. I'll Carve Our Initials Into It." -fang

Gazzy: "what Does That Mean?" (points To Metal Plaque Warning To Stay Off The Third Rail That Said Stay Off The Third Rail!) Fang: "it Means The Third Rail Has Seven Hundred Volts Of Direct Current Running Through It. Touch It And You're Human Popcorn.

Fang? Are You- Like Max?" Asked Dr. Martinez. "nope,"he Said, Sounding Bored. "i'm The Smart One." I Resisted The Urge To Kick Him In The Shin.

He [iggy] Started Reaching For Things Around The Table, And His Hand Landed On Total. “you’re Black.” “i Prefer Canine-american,” Said Total.

If It's Commercial Fiction That You Want To Write, It's Story, Story, Story. You've Got To Get A Story Where If You Tell It To Somebody In A Paragraph, They'll Go, "tell Me More." And Then When You Start To Write It, They Continue To Want To Read More. And If You Don't, It Won't Work.

The Instructor Stared At Me With Cold, Cut-me-no-slack Determination, Then Got Into A Fighting Stance, Holding One Hand Out, Beckoning Me. "i Saw That Movie Too!"i Said."it Was Like The Coolest Movie Of All-" He Launched Himself At Me. That Was When His Day Really Went Downhill.

I'm Not A Writer's Writer. I'm Not A Craftsman. I Could Be, And That Would Be A One-book-a-year Operation.

So Fnick, Can I Change Channel?" Iggy Asked. "there's A Game On." "make Yourself At Home, Figgy." Fang Said.

Never Underestimate The Power Of Funny, It Moves Mountains.

Did You Know That Wasn’t Me, The Other Max?” I Asked. “yeah.” “when?” “right Away.” “how?” I Persisted. “we Look Identical. She Even Had Identical Scars And Scratches. She Was Wearing My Clothes. How Could You Tell Us Apart?” He Turned To Me And Grinned, Making My World Brighter. “she Offered To Cook Breakfast.

You Know Things Have Gone Bad When Military Marches Pass For Pop Music.

I Have A Folder In My Office With About 400 Ideas In It. So It Will Take Me Another 40 Years To Get Through Those.

Another Day. Get Up And Face It.

And There I Was, Pretty As Heck, Brown Eyes, A Few Freckles, Fashion Challenged, And A Bad Attitude. Max Ii.

Not Saving You From This Storm, Mutant,” He Said. “saving You For Your Later Fate, We Are.” His Voice Was Weirdly Inflected And Metallic, Like An Automated Answering Machine. “oh, Good. Yoda Captured Us,” Fang Whispered.

Hey. Not Sure What’s Going On-gonna Go Find Out. Be Careful And Don’t Do Anything Stupid. Don’t Come After Me-your Better On Your Own. See You. F I Sat On The Edge Of The Bed, Holding The Note. Okay, So Fang Had Looked Up Vague In The Dictionary And This Was What It Had Said To Write.

Where Was The Catch? 'cause I Knew One Was Coming.

Even Needing To Get To Angel, We Couldn’t Forget The Basic Necessity Of Eating.

What Are You Doing Here?” [ndr Prison] Selling Girl Scout Cookies,” I Said. “want Some? The Samoas Are Terrific.” (max Ii To Max)

I Don't Damsel Well. Distress, I Can Do. Damseling? Not So Much.

Let's Face It: Most Of Us Don't Realize It, But We Are Failing Our Kids As Reading Role Models. The Best Role Models Are In The Home: Brothers, Fathers, Grandfathers; Mothers, Sisters, Grandmothers. Moms And Dads, It's Important That Your Kids See You Reading. Not Just Books - Reading The Newspaper Is Good, Too.

Part 3 Back To School (the Normal Kind)

I'd Been Told That He Had Been Created-literally Created-just For Me,as My "perfect Other Half." Let Me Tell You-if Dylan Was My Perfect Other Half, Then I Needed To Give My First Half A Seriouis Look-see.

I Offered To Pee On Him, But They Said No

You Mean Other Than The Wings? I Once Ate Nine Snicker Bars In A Row Without Barfing. It Was A Record.

Iggy’s Spine Tightened, His Face Like Ice. When He’d Been At The School, They’d Tried To Surgically Enhance His Night Vision. Now He Was Blind Forever. Oops.

I Whirled Around And Saw No One. No Psychotic Mad Scientists, Anyway. "jackpot, Max! Jackpot!" It Was Was Fang, And He Was Giggling Hysterically. For Those Of You Just Joining Us, Fang Doesn't Giggle. Especially Hysterically. So For A Second, This Seemed Like One Of The Weirder Dreams Of Recent Days.

"there Is One Bright Side To This," Said Fang. "yeah? What's That?" The New And Improved Erasers Would Mutilate Us Before They Killed Us? He Grinned At Me So Unexpectedly I Gorgot To Flap For A Second And Dropped Several Feet. "you Looove Me," He Crooned Smugly. Holding His Arms Out Wide, He Added, "you Love Me This Much." My Shriek Of Appalled Rage Could Probably Be Heard In California, Or Maybe Hawaii.

I Knew My Transformation Was Complete When Dr.keyes Asked, "how Are You Feeling Today, Tandy?" And I Responded "i'm Not

Fang And I Searched In Every Way We Could Think Of And Found A Million Institutes Of One Kind Or Another, In Manhattan And Throughout New York State, But None Of Them Seemed Promising. My Favorite? The Institute For Realizing Your Pet's Inner Potential. Anyone Who Can Explain That To Me, Drop A Line.

She Didn't Flirt With Him, But They Hung Out Together A Lot, And Every Time I Saw Their Heads Bent Over A Computer Screen Or Map, It Made My Stomach Clench. And My Teeth. And My Fists.

I Love You. I Love Your Smile, Your Snarl, Your Grin, Your Face When You're Sleeping.

There's Nothing More Annoying Than Cold Logic And Reason When You've Got A Good Fit Going.

I Think E-books Are Terrific In Their Own Right. I Love Being Able To Get On A Plane And Basically Carry Around Seven Books And It Weigh 10 Ounces.

You Looove Me. You Love Me This Much.

Keep This In Mind: There Are No Coincidences.

Fang Snorted In Disbelief. "on One Hand, We Have A Mythical Nice Family That Wants To Adopt Me. On The Other, We Have A Gang Of Insane Scientists Desperate To Do Genetic Experiments On Innocent Children. Guess Which Hand I Get Dealt?

Just For Fun I Flew In Huge Banking Arcs, Taking Deep Breaths, Enjoying The Feel Of My Newly Weightless Hair. The Stylist Had Called It “wind Tossed.” If Only She Knew.

I'm A Girl Of Extremes. When I Love Something, I'm Like A Puppy Dog (without All The Licking). When I'm Cranky, I'm A Wasp (like A Whole Hive Of 'em). And When I'm Angry, I'm A Mother Bear With A Predator After Her Cubs: Dangerous.

I Love The Idea Of Expanding The Universe Of Games To Some Extent. At One Point, They Were Kind Of Limited To Boys, Fanboys And Whatever. I Like The Idea Of Liberation For Games.

I Don't Believe In Making War With Food. Food Is Not The Enemy. Said By Claire In The 5th Horseman

For Me, "zoo" Has Always Been A Fable. It Has Nothing To Do With Realism. It's A Fable About What Man Is Doing To The World, And The Animals Have Retribution. But In The Real World, This Would Not Happen. But In The World Of 1984, This Kind Of Thing Can Happen In A Story.

Max: "okay Guys, I Had A Couple Thoughts I Wanted To Go Over With You." Iggy: (pretends To Snore Loudy) Max: (throws Another Pinecone At Him) Iggy: "quit Throwing Things At Me!" Max: "glad You Could Join Us.

Just Because Life Is Hard, And Always Ends In A Bad Way, Doesn't Mean That All Stories Have To, Even If That's What They Tell Us In School And In The New York Times Review. In Fact, It's A Good Thing That Stories Are As Different As We Are, One From Another.

Love Between Two People Can Last A Long Time If The People Love Themselves Some, And Are Ready To Give Love To Another Person.

Tell Me Again What We're Doing Here," I Said, Running A Continuous Scan Of Our Surroundings. Fang Popped Some Cracker Jack Into His Mouth. "we're Here To Watch Manly Men Do Manly Things." I Followed Fang's Line Of Sight: He Was Watching The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Who Were Not Doing Manly Things, By Any Stretch Of The Imagination.

Maybe, Beauty, True Beauty, Is So Overwhelming, It Goes Straight To Our Hearts.maybe It Makes Us Feel Emotions That Are Locked Away Inside

Seize What's Been Handed You. Make Smart Decisions. Make Decisions Because Life Is A Temporary Situation.

It's The Ciiiiiiiiiiiiircle Of Liiiiiiiiiife!" Iggy Sang

Warning If You Dare To Read This Story, You Become Part Of The Experiment

Love Means You Can Never Be Apart.

What I Said Yesterday Didn't Mean Anything! I Love Everyone In The Flock! Plus, It Was The Valium Talking!" "uh-huh. You Just Keep Telling Yourself That. You Looove Me." Max: (tries To Punch Him) "pick A Tree. I'll Go Carve Our Initials In It." Max: (screams And Runs Into Bathroom)

Fang! Angel?" I Yelled, Not Even Trying For Stealth. I Was Storming The Castle, Not Stealing The Jewels.

Max-i'm Not Going To Die Today.

I Love You Max,"fang Said..."god, Max I Love You So Much." I Know. I Thought. I've Always Known

I Moved To Leave, And Dylan Actually Grabbed My Shoulders. I Was So Surprised That I Forgot To Karate-chop His Elbows And Break His Arms.' “i Don’t Want Anything To Happen To You,” He Said Urgently. “what You Want Does Not Matter Here,” I Said Slowly And Carefully. I Hoped Dylan Was Sensitive Enough To Read Between The Lines, To The Subtext Of: Let Go Of Me Or I’ll Kill You.

Read Between The Lines

The Receptionist Looked Us Over, Then Went Back To Typing Something Incredibly Urgent—like Her Résumé́ For Another Job.

I Fell Into A Deep Sleep Tucked In That Little Cocoon, A Deeper Sleep Than I Might Of Had In Years. Right Up Until Someone Kicked Me And Said "gotcha!

Sometimes Being A Leader Isn’t About Winning. Sometimes It’s About Doing What’s Right, Instead Of What’s Powerful.

Do You Know How Fast You Were Going?" Fang Looked At The Speedometer..."no," He Said Truthfully. I Tagged You At Seventy Miles Per Hour,"she Said, Pulling Out A Clipboard. I Let Out An Impressed Whistle. "excellent! I Never Thought We'd Be That Fast." Fang Shot Me A Look And I Put My Hand Over My Mouth.

Time To Die. -evil Angel

They're Afraid Of Change, And We Must Change. They're Afraid Of The Young, And We Are The Young. They're Afraid Of Music, And Music Is Our Life. They're Afraid Of Books, And Knowledge, And Ideas. They're Most Afraid Of Our Magic.

Awwww, Lame, We're Not Going To Disneyworld. (said By The Amazing Talking Dog, Total)

What Happened To Your Tan?"--fang "it Was Dirt." --max

You Really Are A Scary Man,no Really! If I Had Boots I Would Be Quaking In Them.

Look, We're Trying To Explore Other Options To Your Retirement," The Whitecoat Said. "you Might Be Useful To Us In Other Ways." Because We're Not That Useful Dead,"nudge Said Thoughtfully. No," I Agreed. "well, Maybe As Doorstops." The Whitecat Made An "eew" Expression. Or Those Things In A Parking Lot That Show Where The Cars Should Stop," Suggested Iggy. He Closed His Eyes And Went Stiff, To Demonstrate What It Would Look Like. Also An Option.

Yeah,” Said Iggy. “but What Now? Let’s Do Something Fun.” I Guess Being On The Run From Bloodthirsty Erasers And Insane Scientists Wasn’t Enough Fun For Him. Kids Today Are So Spoiled.

Our Parents Were A Test Tube And A Turkey Baster.

Why Do Things This Beautiful Make Me Want To Cry?" I Asked Michael As I Leaned Into Him. It Was An Unguarded Question, One I'd Never Have Asked Of Hugh. "i Don't Know," Said Michael. "maybe Beauty, True Beauty, Is So Overwhelming, It Goes Straight To Our Hearts. Maybe It Makes Us Feel Emotions That Are Locked Away Inside.

Holy [insert Your Choice Of A Swear Word Here]," Said Fang Stunned.

Other Than My Hundreds Of Arrests I Really Don't Have That Much Experience With The Law. While The Majority Of People Aren't Corrupt, There Certainly Is An Awful Lot Of Corruption In This Country.

To Be Without Love Is To Be Without Grace, What Matters Most In Life. We Is So Much Better Than I.

If I'm Writing And A Chapter Isn't Coming, I Just Move Ahead.

For A Long Time It Had Seemed To Me That Life Was About To Begin -- Real Life. But There Was Always Some Obstacle In The Way, Something To Be Gotten Through First, Some Unfinished Business, Time Still To Be Served, A Debt To Be Paid. Then Life Would Begin. At Last It Dawned On Me That These Obstacles Were My Life.

Iggy Nodded. “i’m Bummed We Couldn’t Use Big Boy,” He Said. “but I Don’t Want To Waste It. We Have To Actually See Them First. I Mean, You Do.” “maybe Tomorrow,” The Gasman Said Encouragingly. “we’ll Go See What Havoc We’ve Wreaked.” “wrought.

Fang: When Do I Get Out Of Here? Max: They Say A Week. Fang: So, Like, Tomorrow? Max: That's What I'm Thinking.

I Hoped I Wasn't Actually Dead. That Would Make Finding Our Parents And Saving The World Really Hard.

Listen, Street Punk. You're A Guy, And You're A Couple Inches Taller, And Maybe Forty Pounds Heavier, And Ooh, You're In A Gang. But I've Survived Ten Years Of Catholic School, And I Will Cut You Off At Your Knees Without A Blink. Do You Understand?

Part 5 The Voice- Make That My Voice

Half The Time When Brothers Wrestle, It's Just An Excuse To Hug Each Other.

A Guy Who Hates His Job Isn't Going To Be Too Charming At Home.

You're Lucky If You Find Something You Like To Do, And It's A Miracle If Somebody Will Pay You To Do It.

For Many Years I Had Heard About An Underworld Consisting Of People Who Act Out A Vampire Fantasy While I Was Living In New York. Fortunately For Me There Are Also Several Books On The Phenomena.

Fang (sarcasticaly): Go Pick Out A Tree And I'll Carve Our Initials In It. Max: (screams And Goes In The Bathroom)

De Tall, Dark Vun--dere's Nothing Special About Him At All," Ter Borcht Said Dismissively Of Fang, Who Hadn't Moved Since The Doctor Had Come In. Well, He's A Snappy Dresser," I Offered. One Side Of Fang's Mouth Quirked.

"so You Have Your Price."... "your Soul For A Cookie."

Basically, I Have Two Speeds.... Hostile Or Smart-aleck. Your Choice.

A Lot Of Writers Fall In Love With Their Sentences Or Their Construction Of Sentences, And Sometimes That's Great, But Not Everybody Is Gabriel Garcia Marquez Or James Joyce. A Lot Of People Like To Pretend That They Are, And They Wind Up Not Giving People A Good Read Or Enlightening Them.

Falling In Love

I Still Felt Like I Might Hurl, And I Thought About How Awful That Would Be In Midair.

What I'm Really Addicted To Is Getting People To Understand That If Their Kids Aren't Competent Readers Coming Out Of Middle School, It's Really Going To Be Hard For Them In High School.

Ultimately, A Great Thriller Is A Roller Coaster Ride. I Like To Think That's A Promise I Have Never Failed To Keep, And One That I'd Say Has Served My Books Well.

Some Kids Get Called "bundles Of Joy" Or "slices Of Heaven" Or "dreams Come True." We Got "the Fifty-fourth Generation Of Dna Experiments." Doesn't Have The Same Warm And Fuzzy Feel. But Maybe I'm Oversensitive.

I Want To Be A Scientist Who Studies The Ocean When I Grow Up. I Would Go Out To Sea, And Scuba Dive, And Find New Things, And National Geographic Will Hire Me.” Sure, Nudge. Probably Around The Time I Become President.

Gazzy: "captain, Like The Captain Of A Ship. And Then Terror, You Know, T-e-r-o-r.

If You Love Something Let It Go.. If It Comes Back Its Yours

Love Coming Back

Letting Things Go

I'm Way Hot," He Muttered. "but I Don't Feel Sick. Just — Way Hot." Fang

I Grew Up In A House Full Of Women: My Mother, Grandmother, Three Sisters, And Two Female Cats. And I Still Have The Buzz Of Their Conversations In My Head. As An Adult, I Have More Female Friends Than Male Ones: I Just Love The Way That Women Talk.

Am I Tough? Am I Strong? Am I Hard-core? Absolutely. Did I Whimper With Pathetic Delight When I Sank My Teeth Into My Hot Fried-chicken Sandwich? You Betcha.

Imagine Life Is A Game In Which You Are Juggling Five Balls. The Balls Are Called Work, Family, Health, Friends, And Integrity. And You're Keeping All Of Them In The Air. But One Day You Finally Come To Understand That Work Is A Rubber Ball. If You Drop It, It Will Bounce Back. The Other Four Balls...are Made Of Glass. If You Drop One Of These, It Will Be Irrevocably Scuffed, Nicked, Perhaps Even Shattered.

That'd Be Just What I Need: A Rash Of Car Thefts Across America, Committed By Dedicated Readers.

In Case You Guys Didn't Catch Last Week's Episode, I'm Out Of The Flock," I Informed Them. "angel Has No Allegiance To Me. She's Wanted Me Gone For A Long Time. And In Case You Didn't Catch All The Episodes From The Past Year, Angel Is... Unbalanced." "untrustworthy," Fang Seconded. "unpredictable," Jeb Added. "dangerous," Dylan Chimed In.

The Funny Thing About Facing Imminent Death Is That It Really Snaps Everything Else Into Perspective.

Good Memories Are Like Charms...each Is Special. You Collect Them, One By One, Until One Day You Look Back And Discover They Make A Long, Colorful Bracelet.

Sometimes He Seems Like A Droid--or A Drone. Fang Of Nine. Fang2-d2.

Total?" I Called. He Looked Up Alertly, Then Ran Over To Me, Small Pink Tongue Hanging Out. Total?" I Said When He Was Close. "can You Talk?" He Flopped Down On The Grass, Panting Slightly. "yeah. So?" Jeezum. I Mean, Mutant Weirdos Are Nothing New To Me, You Know? But A Talking Dog?

His Face Flushed, And I Felt Like Cheering. "yes," He Said Stiffly. "besides De Vings." "hmm. Besides De Vings." Nudge Tapped One Finger Against Her Chin. "um..." Her Face Brightened. "i Once Ate Nine Snickers Bars In One Sitting. Without Barfing. That Was A Record!" "hardly A Special Talent," Ter Borcht Said Witheringly. Nudge Was Offended. "yeah? Let's See You Do It." ... ... "i Vill Now Eat Nine Snickers Bars," Gazzy Said In A Perfect, Creepy Imitation Of Ter Borcht's Voice, "visout Bahfing."

I'm Magnetic," She Whispered, Half Awed And Half Horrified. "i Hope You Don't Start Sticking To Fridges And Stuff," I Said In Disbelief. Fang Dropped Down Next To Me, And The Gasman Joined Us, Squishing In Next To Nudge. "what's Going On?" Fang Asked. "i'm Magnet Girl!" Nudge Said, Already Coming To Terms With Her New Skill.

Hollywood Is A Peculiar Beast - People In Hollywood Are Nuts.

An Unbearable Smug Look Came Over His Usually Impassive Face."uh-huh. You Just Keep Telling Youself That. You Looove Me." I Took A Swing At Him, But He Jumped Back Nimbly, And All I Did Was Jar My Left Arm, Making It Hurt. He Laughed At Me, Then Pointed At The Woods Ouside The Window."pick A Tree. I'll Go Carve Our Initials In It.

While Carefully Synchronizing Our Wings-they Almost Touched-fang Leaned In,gently Put One Hand Behind My Neck And Kissed Me.it Was Just About Close To Heaven I'll Ever Get,i Guess.i Closed My Eyes,lost In The Feeling Of Flying And Kissing And Being With The One Person In The World I Completely ,utterly Trusted.

It’s, Like, A Safety Bomb.” -iggy

Denial Is Not Just A River In Egypt.

Was This Normalcy-predictable Patterns, The Certainty Of Doing The Same Thing Everyday? Because If So, Normalcy Was About To Make Me Freak Out And Start Screaming.

But Then We Have To Leave, Have To. It's Always Been That Way, And It Will Always Be That Way, Jane. That's Just.. How It Works

Fang Looked At Me, Hope In His Eyes, And I Smirked At Him. I Save The Huge Emotional Kissy-face For Imminent Death Scenes. This Probably Didn't Qualify.

It's Funny How Different People Are. If I'd Been This Kid And Someone Was Snarling "ordering A Pizza?" At Me, Without Even Thinking, I Would Have Snarled Back "yeah. You Want Pepperoni?" -maximum Ride

I Read Some, And Then Visited With People Involved In This Curious, Exciting And Somewhat Misunderstood Sub-culture. I Met With A Fang Maker, Who Offered To Fit Me For An Exquisite Pair.

What Test?" Asked Nudge. "max, You're Incorruptible." "only By Power." I Said. "you Haven't Tried Chocolate Yet.

Home Is Wherever We All Are Together.

After All, Fnick Is Superman," Said Iggy. "shut Up, Jeff," I Said, But I Was Smiling. I Lifted Iggy's Fingers To My Face So That He Knew.

Iggy: "i'll Grab A Zebra; Gaz, You Fill All The Bubbles With Your Trademark Scent. So People Are Choking And Gagging; And Let's Throw Beef Jerky In Their Eyes! Now, That's A Plan!

Well, I Don’t Know. Mostly I Just Suck Up What Life Throws My Way, Stomp On It, And Then Keep Going. I Don’t Dwell Much On What I Am Or How I Got This Way. It Just Is. I Just Am. I’m Max, And Whatever Form I Take, It’s Good Enough For Me.

Your Mind Creates Your Reality. If You Expect Nothing, You Open Up The Universe To Give You Options. If You Expect The Worst, You Usually Get It.

Sighing, She Gave A Brief Nod. “i Was Supposed To Win. I Was Supposed To Finish You Off. They Never Counted On You Winning. And Then You Didn’t Kill Me. It Was Awful.” “you’re Welcome,” I Said, Feeling Fresh Anger Ignite. “i’ll Try Not To Humiliate You By Letting You Live Next Time.” (max Ii To Max)

I'm A Girl Who Has Been Tamping Down Her Emotions And Keeping Them Tightly Guarded Her Whole Life. And That Works Really Well For Me. [...] And Now I Felt Like My Shell Had A Dangerous Crack In It. Without Much More Effort On His Part, It Would Split Wide Open And My Enormous River Of Emotions Would Gush Out - The Bad And The Good. It Was Pretty Much The Scariest Thing I'd Ever Thought Of.

It Was A Little Weird That They Were Friends. But Then, Maybe Freaks Just Tended To Find Each Other.

Meaning What? We're Going To Pretend Nothing's Going On? That's Stupid. The Only Way To Deal With Any Of This Is To Get It Out In The Open." Have You Been Watching Oprah Again?

I Want To Know About My Mom. And Other Stuff. I Want To Know The Whole Story, Good Or Bad.” “me, Too,” Said Gazzy. “i Want To Find My Parents So I Can Tell’m What Total Scuzzes They Are. Like, ‘hi, Mom And Dad, You’re Such Scum!

What, Ebay Isn't Good Enough For Us?

Listen Up,” I Said Urgently. “it’s Time To Round Up Your Gear. I’m Gonna Check In With Patrick, And Then We’re Getting The Flock Out Of Here.” Ha-ha.

My Style Is Colloquial Storytelling. It's The Way We Tell Stories To One Another - It's Not Writerly, It's Not Overdone.

It's Always Refreshing To Meet Someone Crazier Than Us," I Said. "we Seem So Normal Afterward.

I Love Nudge, Nudge Is A Great Kid, But That Motormouth Of Hers Could Have Turned Mother Teresa Into An Ax Murderer.

But If I Could Do Anything? Maybe You Would Want To Be Able To Save The World, The Voice Said. Did You Ever Think Of That? No. I Frowned. Leave That To The Grown-ups. But Grown-ups Are The Ones Destroying The World, The Voice Said. Think About It.

"disappear Where?" You Know What They Say: Curiosity Killed The Mutant Bird Kid. But I Couldn't Help Myself.

I Tried To Shake Some Water Off. "i Got A Message From Angel,"i Said, Scanning The Tunnel."she Says There's Massive Danger Down Here,something Too Big For Us To Fix Or Deal With." "so Of Course You Immediately Came Down.

It Was Like Meeting Someone Out Of Your Dreams, Or Fantasies, Or A Beloved Character From A Favorite Book.

I Was Crazily, Deeply, Incredibly, Joyously, Terrifiedly In Love.

I Don't Get A Chance To Be Funny With The Thrillers. I Like To Be Funny, And I Think I Am Really Funny. So With 'middle School: The Worst Years Of My Life', It Was Fun To Let Loose.

Jane-sweetie, We've Talked About Your Weight-" My Mother Began. I'm Only Eight Years Old," I Said. "how About I Promise To Be Anorexic Later?

What Was Premeditated Murder If Not Calculated Leverage?

I Won’t Lie To You—it Was Hilarious. Yes, We Were In Trouble, Yes, This Was A Disaster, And So One And So Forth, But I Have To Say, Seeing Those Upturned Faces, The Looks, Was Bout The Best Thing That Happened To Us Since We’d Come To New York.

Walking Over To Iggy, He Poked Him With His Shoe. "does Anysing On You Vork Properly?" Iggy Rubbed His Forehead With One Hand. "well, I Have A Highly Developed Sense Of Irony.

Plus Her Mom Was So Awesome. She Was Strict About Some Things—don’t Leave Your Socks Lying Around—but So Not Strict About Other Things, Like Calling The Cops About My Bullet Wound.

When You Go Out To Hollywood, It's Like, "here's The Book. It Is What It Is. It'll Always Stay The Same."

It Is What It Is

I'm Very Emotional. I Do Feel Stuff, For Better Or Worse.

Just In Case You Thought Elephants Were All Sweetness, I Can Attest To The Fact That This One Had The Time Of Her Life Scaring The Bejeezus Out Of Those Dudes.

Steve Turned To Us Again, Looking So Dang Enthusastic That I Wondered How Much Coffee He'd Had This Morning. "so, You Kids Want To Be Big Stars, Eh?" God, No!" I Said Spewing Crumbs. "no Way!" Oddly, This Seemed To Throw A Petite Wrench Into The Convo.

The Subject For A Lot Of Non-fiction Is Very Emotional, But If You Read It, It's The Most Boring, Dry Stuff. I Wanted 'torn Apart' To Be Extremely Accessible And Readable.

I Don't Think Of Myself As A Writer.

Don’t Be Afraid.” “i Hear Voices,” Iggy Said. “be Very Afraid.

It's For Upset Stomachs,' Dylan Said, Trying To Hide A Smile. He Pointed To The Words In The Box. 'it's To Reduce Gas In Your Digestive System, Not To Create More Gas To Make Explosions.' Gazzy's Face Fell As Iggy Said. 'really? Gazzy Take It! Take The Whole Box!' 'i Second That Emotion!' Said Total.

Besides My Great Fashion Sense? I Play A Mean Harmonica.

Max?” Said The Gasman. “are Those, Um, Rats?” Lovely. “yes, Those Do Appear To Be Either Rats Or Mice On Steroids,” I Said Briskly, Trying Not To Shriek And Climb The Walls Like A Girly-girl.

There Was Something I Needed To Say. “sorry. About Before.” Fang Shot A Sideways Glance At Me, His Eyes Dark And Inscrutable, As Always. He Looked Back Out At The Water. I Didn’t Expect Any More Acknowledgment Than That. Fang Never- “you Almost Gave Me A Heart Attack,” He Said Quietly. “when I Saw You, And All That Blood . . .” He Threw A Small Rock As Hard As He Could Down The Beach. “i’m Sorry.” “don’t Do It Again,” He Said. I Swallowed Hard. “i Won’t.” Something Changed Right Then, But I Didn’t Know What.

I Choose You, Max. -fang

They [erasers] Were Bad Fliers," Angel Chimed In, "and In Their Minds, They Weren't All Kill The Mutants, Like They Usually Are. They Were Like, Remember To Flap!

Yes, I Sounded Like A Pathetic Weenie. I Prefer To Think Of It As Showing My Softer Side.

I Was Always A Good Student, But I Didn't Read That Much Until I Was 18 And I Was Working My Way Through College.

Fang Looked At The Newest Bird Kid. Dylan Was An Inch Or Two Taller Than He Was, And Somewhat Heavier Built, Though He Still Had The Long, Lean Look Of A Human-avian Hybrid-you Couldn't Make Bricks Fly.

As A Maternal Figure, I Always Try To Keep The Flock Safe, Of Course. But I Admit, It Did My Heart Proud To See The Instant Blood-lust Pop Into Gazzy’s Blue Eyes And To See Little Angel Automatically Tense Up And Get Into Fighting Stance, Ready To Rip Someone’s Head Off. They Were Just So — So Dang Adorable, Sometimes.

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Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

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