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I Always Appreciate People's Opinions, But Sometimes I Have To Take A Step Back And Remember Why I'm Writing And What I Want To Do With It. Shutting Out The Voices Is Difficult But It's Been Good For Me.

-Veronica Roth

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I Always Appreciate People's

Veronica Roth

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I Always Appreciate People's Opinions, But Sometimes I Have To Take A Step Back And Remember Why I'm Writing And What I Want To Do With It. Shutting Out The Voices Is Difficult But It's Been Good For Me.

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Looking Away Is Submissive. Looking [..] In The Eye Is A Challenge.

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I Guess I Always Knew There Was Something Wrong With Me, But I Thought It Was Because Of My Father, Or My Mother, And The Pain They Bequeathed To Me Like A Family Heirloom, Handed Down From Generation To Generation. - Tobias Eaton

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Fine," He Says. "then I Love You.

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Tris," Said Tobias. "i Love You

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How Is It I Know This Little About The Boy Who Says He Loves Me-

Christina,'i Say,'the Factionless Have All The Guns.

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Eric Walks Toward Me, And I Back Away By Instinct. I Try Not To Be Afraid Of Him, But I Know How Smart He Is And That If I’m Not Careful He’ll Notice That I Keep Staring At Her, And That Will Be My Undoing.

Nothing Else Is All Right.” His Whisper Tickles My Cheek. “but We Are.

You Don’t Always Have To Smack People In The Face With How Strong You Are

I Hear My Heartbeat. I Have Been Looking At Him Too Long, But Then, He Has Been Looking Back, And I Feel Like We Are Both Trying To Say Something The Other Can't Hear, Though I Could Be Imagining It. Too Long - And Now Even Longer, My Heart Even Louder, His Tranquil Eyes Swallowing Me Whole.

Morning," I Say. "shh," She Says. "if You Don't Acknowledge It, Maybe It Will Go Away.

I Settle Into Their Pace. The Uniform Pounding Of Feet In My Ears And The Homogeneity Of The People Around Me Makes Me Believe That I Could Choose This. I Could Be Subsumed Into Abnegation’s Hive Mind, Projecting Always Outward.

Caleb And Tris Exchange A Look. The Skin On His Face And On Her Knuckles Is Nearly The Same Colour, Purple-blue-green, As If Drawn With Ink. This Is What Happens When Siblings Collide - They Injure Each Other In The Same Way.

I Pause A Second. He Doesn't Look At Me The Way Will, Christina, And Al Sometimes Do - Like I Am Too Small And Too Weak To Be Of Any Use, And They Pity Me For It.

So This Is Where You Grew Up. Did You Like It Here? I Guess You Couldn't Have, If You Wanted To Leave.' Christina 'i Liked Some Things And Hated Some Things. And There Were Some Things I Didn't Know I Had Until I Lost Them.' Tris

I Feel His Heartbeat Against My Cheek,as Fast As My Own. "are You Afraid Of Me, Too, Tobias?" "terrified," He Replies With A Smile.

What Makes You Different, Makes You Dangerous.

Why Did You Do It?" I Say. "you Want Me Dead. You Were Willing To Do It Yourself! What Changed?" He Presses His Lips Together And Doesn't Look Away, Not For A Long Time. Then He Opens His Mouth, Hesitates, And Finally Says, " I Can't Be In Anyone's Debt. Okay? The Idea That I Owed You Something Made Me Sick. I Would Wake Up In The Middle Of The Night Feeling Like I Was Going To Vomit. Indebted To A Stiff? It's Ridiculous. Absolutely Ridiculous. And I Couldn't Have It.

The Division Is Based On Knowledge, Based On Qualifications - But As I Learned From The Factionless, A System That Relies On A Group Of Uneducated People To Do Its Dirty Work Without Giving Them A Way To Rise Is Hardly Fair.

It Is A Gift. You Cannot Earn It, Or It Ceases To Be A Gift.

Before She Got Here Everything Had Stalled Inside Me, And Every Morning I Was Just Moving Toward Nighttime.

The Truth Has A Way Of Changing People's Plans.

Did You Just Call Me Beatrice?

I Read Somewhere, One, That Crying Defies Scientific Explanation. Tears Are Only Meant To Lubricate The Eyes. There Is No Real Reason For Tear Glands To Overproduce Tears At The Behest Of Emotion. I Think We Cry To Release The Animal Parts Of Us Without Losing Our Humanity. Because Inside Of Me Is A Beast That Snarls, And Growls, And Strains Toward Freedom, Toward Tobias, And, Above All, Towards Life. And As Hard As I Try, I Cannot Kill It.

I Laugh Shakily. ‘you’re A Little Scary, Four.’ ‘do Me A Favor,’ He Says, ‘and Don’t Call Me That.’ ‘what Should I Call You, Then?’ ‘nothing.’ He Takes His Hand From My Face. ‘yet.

The Opinions Of Others Cannot Damage You.

This Was The First Place I Everfelt Strong. Every Time I Breathe This Air I Feel It Again.

Beatrice. We Should Think Of Our Family. But. But We Must Also Think Of Ourselves.

There's A Reason Why She Left Them, Lauren," He Says. His Voice Is Deep, And It Rumbles. "what's Your Name?" "um..." I Don't Know Why I Hesitate. But "beatrice" Just Doesn't Sound Right Anymore. "think About It," He Says, A Faint Smile Curling His Lips. " You Don't Get To Pick Again." A New Place, A New Name. I Can Be Remade Here. "tris," I Say Firmly.

Maybe Dauntless Was Formed With Good Intentions, With The Right Ideals And The Right Goals. But It Has Strayed Far From Them. And The Same Is True Of Erudite, I Realize. A Long Time Ago, Erudite Pursued Knowledge And Ingenuity For The Sake Of Doing Good. Now They Pursue Knowledge And Ingenuity With Greedy Hearts. I Wonder If The Other Factions Suffer From The Same Problem. I Have Not Thought About It Before.

I Am Afraid Of Her, Afraid Of What She Says-and Thrilled By It Too, Because It Means I Don't Have To Accept That I Am Smaller Than I Once Believed.

And I'm The Kind Of Person Who Does Not Let Inconsequential Things Like Boys And Near Death Experiences Stop Her.

The First Step To Loving Someone Else Is To Recognize The Evil In Ourselves, So We Can Forgive Them.

I Am Still The Person Who Would Have Died Rather Than Kill You

I Love You" I Say. "i Love You, Too" He Says. "i'll See You Soon.

Well, I Already Know What Happened To My Face", I Say. "i Was There. Sort Of

Noise And Activity Are The Refuges Of The Bereaved And The Guilty.

I Ignore My Fear. When I Make Decisions, I Pretend It Doesn't Exist.

I Can’t Leave Now. I Like Her Too Much. There, I Said It. But I Won’t Say It Again.

Since He Saved Me From The Attack, I Have Associated His Smell With Safety, So As Long As I Focus On It, I Feel Safe Now.

It Must Require Bravery To Be Honest All The Time.

We Both Have War Inside Us. Sometimes It Keeps Us Alive. Sometimes It Threatens To Destroy Us.

It's Wrong," He Says. "it Doesn't Matter If Your Parents Are In A Better Place, They Aren't Here With You, And That's Wrong, Tris. It Shouldn't Have Happened. It Shouldn't Have Happened To You. And Anyone Who Tells You It's Okay Is A Liar.

Why Would The Factionless Have A High Divergent Population?" It Sounds Like She's Smirking. "obviously Those Who Can't Confine Themselves To A Particular Way Of Thinking Would Be Most Likely To Leave A Faction Or Fail Its Initiation, Right?

Trust Me When I Tell You, Eaton Boy, That Resisting Is Worth Doing.

You're More Than Dauntless," He Says In A Low Voice. "but If You Want To Be Just Like Them, Hurling Yourself Into Ridiculous Situations For No Reason And Retaliating Against Your Enemies Without Any Regard For What's Ethical, Go Right Ahead. I Thought You Were Better Than That, But Maybe I Was Wrong.

Is This Prior?" "in The Flesh." "why's He Bleeding?" "because He's An Idiot." Zeke Offers Me A Black Jacket With A Factionless Symbol Stitched Into The Collar. "i Didn't Know That Idiocy Caused People To Just Start Spontaneously Bleeding From The Nose." I Wrap The Jacket Around Caleb's Shoulders And Fasten One Of The Buttons Over His Chest. He Avoids My Eyes. "i Think It's A New Phenomenon.", I Say.

For A Few Minutes We Kiss, Deep In The Chasm, With The Roar Of Water All Around Us. And We Rise, Hand In Hand, I Realize That If We Had Both Chosen Differently, We Might Have Ended Up Doing The Same Thing, In A Safer Place, In Gray Clothes Instead Of Black Ones.

I Used To Think About Giving My Life Up For Things, But I Didn't Understand What 'giving Your Life' Really Was Until It Was Right There, About To Be Taken From Me

I Can't Force You. I Can't Make You Want To Survive This." He Pulls Me Against Him And Runs His Hand Over My Hair, Tucking It Behind My Ear. His Fingers Trail Down My Neck And Over My Shoulder, And He Says, "but You Will Do It. It Doesn't Matter If You Believe You Can Or Not. You Will, Because That's Who You Are.

His Fingers Leave Streaks Of Cold On My Skin, Invisible To The Eye, And I Think About Wrapping His Shirt Around My Fist And Pulling Him In To Kiss Me; I Think About Pressing Myself Against Him, But I Can't, Because All Our Secrets Would Keep A Space Between Us.

Caleb Runs Up To Me And Folds Me Carefully In His Arms. I Breathe A Sigh Of Relief. I Thought I Had Gotten To The Point Where I Didn’t Need My Brother Anymore, But I Don’t Think Such A Point Actually Exists.

Okay. Then...i Can Talk. Ask Me Something." "okay." He Laughs Shakily In My Ear. "why Is Your Heart Racing Tris?" I Cringe And Say, "well, I...i Barely Know You. I Barely Know You And I'm Crammed Up Against You In A Box, Four, What Do You Think?"... "maybe You Were Cut Out For Candor," He Says, "because You're A Terrible Liar.

Thank You For Your Honesty," Niles Says. The Candor Repeat The Phrase Under Their Breath. All Around Me Are The Words "thank You For Your Honesty" At Different Volumes And Pitches, And My Anger Begins To Dissolve.

I Need The Protection Of Seeming Weak.

He Leans His Face Close To Mine And Wraps His Fingers Around My Chin. His Hand Smells Like Metal. When Was The Last Time He Held A Gun, Or A Knife?

I Laugh, And It's Laughter, Not Light, That Casts Out The Darkness Building Within Me, That Reminds Me I Am Still Alive, Even In This Strange Place Where Everything I've Ever Known Is Coming Apart.

But I Think That No Matter How Smart, People Usually See What They're Already Looking For, That's All.

A Breeze Blows Through The Alley, Pushing Me To One Side, And I Think Of Scaling The Ferris Wheel With Tobias. He Kept Me Steady Then. There Is No One Left To Keep Me Steady Now.

Fighting For Survival In A Shattered World... The Truth Is Her Only Hope.

From Your Results I Have Determined That You Are One Of The Strongest Divergent, Which I Say Not To Compliment You But To Explain My Purpose. If I Am To Develop A Simulation That Cannot Be Thwarted By The Divergent Mind, I Must Study The Strongest Divergent Mind In Order To Shore Up All Weaknesses In The Technology.

Compliments You

The Fire, The Fire. It Rages Within, A Campfire And Then An Inferno, And My Body Is Its Fuel. I Feel It Racing Through Me, Eating Away At The Weight. There Is Nothing That Can Kill Me Now; I Am Powerful And Invincible And Eternal.

I Imagine The Wave Of Water Colliding With The Rock And Spilling Over The Tile Floor, Collecting Around My Shoes. Doing A Little At Once Can Fix Something, Eventually, But I Feel Like When You Believe That Something Is Truly A Problem, You Throw Everything You Have At It, Because You Just Can’t Help Yourself.

What Do--" Tobias's Voice. Tobias! "oh My God. Oh--" "spare Me Your Blubbering, Okay? Peter Says. "she's Not Dead; She's Just Paralyzed. It'll Only Last For About A Minute. Now Get Ready To Run." I Don't Understand. How Does Peter Know? "let Me Carry Her," Tobias Says. "no. You're A Better Shot Than I Am. Take My Gun. I'll Carry Her.

Courageous? Courageous Would Have Been Admitting Weakness And Leaving Dauntless, No Matter What Shame Accompanied It. Pride Is What Killed Al, And It Is The Flaw In Every Dauntless Heart. It Is In Mine.

In 'insurgent' We Realise How Large The World Really Is

Living Without Virtues Is To Live Divorced From Society, Seperated From The Most Important Thing In Life, Community.

Let's Just Hug Already," He Says. Keeping One Hand Firm On Caleb's Arm, I Wrapped My Free Arm Around Zeke, And He Does The Same. When We Break Apart, I Pull Caleb Down The Alley, And Can't Resist Calling Back, "i'll Miss You." "you Too, Sweetie!" He Grins, And His Teeth Are White In The Twilight. They Are The Last Thing I See Of Him Before I Have To Turn And Set Out At A Trot For The Train.

Soon I Will Honor My Parents By Dying As They Died. And If All They Believed About Death Was True, Soon I Will Join Them In Whatever Comes Next.

A Lot Can Happen To A Person's Appearance In Three Months.

What Is Wrong With You?' I Shake My Head. 'pull It Together.' And That's What It Feels Like: Pulling The Different Parts Of Me Up And In Like A Shoelace. I Feel Suffocated, But At Least I Feel Strong.

You're Not Very Nice," I Say, Grinning. "you're One To Talk." "hey, I Could Be Nice If I Tried." "hmm." He Taps His Chin. "say Something Nice, Then." "you're Very Good-looking." He Smiles, His Teeth A Flash In This Dark. "i Like This 'nice' Thing.

We Share A Common Enemy, But Does That Make Us Friends?

He Is Not Sweet Or Gentle Or Particularly Kind. But He Is Smart And Brave, And Even Though He Saved Me, He Treated Me Like I Was Strong. That Is All I Need To Know.

I Just Wanted To Thank You' He Says, His Voice Low. 'a Group Of Scientists Told You That My Genes Were Damaged, That There Was Something Wrong With Me - They Showed You The Test Results That Proved It. And Even I Started To Believe It.' He Touches My Face, His Thumb Skimming My Cheekbone, And His Eyes Are On Mine, Intense And Insistent. 'you Never Believed It,' He Says 'not For A Second. You Always Insisted I Was... I Don't Know, Whole.

Everything - Our Houses, Our Clothes, Our Hairstyles - Is Meant To Help Us Forget Ourselves And To Protect Us From Vanity, Greed And Envy, Which Are Just Forms Of Selfishness. If We Have Little, And Want For Little, And We Are All Equal, We Envy No One.

I Do Know Who You Are. I Just Needed To Be Reminded.

At Home I Used To Spend Calm, Pleasant Nights With My Family. My Mother Knit Scarves For The Neighborhood Kids. My Father Helped Caleb With His Homework. There Was A Fire In The Fireplace And Peace In My Heart, As I Was Doing Exactly What I Was Supposed To Be Doing, And Everything Was Quiet. I Have Never Been Carried Around By A Large Boy, Or Laughed Until My Stomach Hurt At The Dinner Table, Or Listened To The Clamor Of A Hundred People All Talking At Once. Peace Is Restrained; This Is Free.

Which Means That In Order To Defeat Her, I Have To Think Of A Way To Defeat Myself. And How Can I Be A Better Fighter Than Myself, If She Knows The Same Strategies I Know, And Is Exactly As Resourceful And Clever As I Am?

In Our Factions, We Find Meaning, We Find Purpose, We Find Life.

Be Careful, Though." "aren't I Always?" "no, I Think The Word For How You Usually Are Is 'reckless.

It Isn't The Height That Scares Me - The Height Makes Me Feel Alive With Energy, Every Organ And Vessel And Muscle In My Body Singing At The Same Pitch. Then I Realize What It Is. It's Him. Something About Him Makes Me Feel Like I Am About To Fall. Or Turn To Liquid. Or Burst Into Flames.

I Feel Like What I Have Become Is Halfway Between My Mother And My Father, Violent And Impulsive And Desperate And Afraid. I Feel Like I Have Lost Control Of What I Have Become.

Awkwardness Aside, It's Nice To Be Liked.

Sometimes I Still Forget To Look For The Gentler Parts Of Her. For So Long All I Saw Was The Strength, Standing Out Like The Wiry Muscles In Her Arms Or The Black Ink Marking Her Collarbone With Flight.

Politeness Is Deception In Pretty Packaging.

Then I Realize What It Is. It's Him. Something About Him Makes Me Feel Like I Am About To Fall. Or Turn To Liquid. Or Burst Into Flames.

That Our World Is So Massive That It Is Completely Out Of Our Control, That We Cannot Possibly Be As Large As We Feel.

I Would Be Shocked By The Lack Of Security If We Were Not At Amity Headquarters. They Often Straddle The Line Between Trust And Stupidity.

I Think He Came To Die With Me," I Say. I Clamp My Hand Over My Mouth To Stifle A Sob. If I Can Keep Breathing, I Can Stop Crying. I Didn't Need Or Want Him To Die With Me. I Wanted To Keep Him Safe. What An Idiot, I Think, But My Heart Isn't In It. "that's Ridiculous," He Says. "that Doesn't Make Any Sense. He's Eighteen; He'll Find Another Girlfriend Once You're Dead. And He's Stupid If He Doesn't Know That." Tears Run Down My Cheeks, Hot At First And Then Cold. I Close My Eyes. "if You Think That's What It's About..." I Swallow Another Sob. "...you're The Stupid One.

I Feel Like Someone Breathed New Air Into My Lungs. I Am Not Abnegation. I Am Not Dauntless. I Am Divergent.

I Don’t Know What World You Live In, But In Mine, People Only Do Things For You For One Of Two Reasons. The First Is If They Want Something In Return. And The Second Is If They Feel Like They Owe You Something.

He Told Me Once To Be Brave, And Though I Have Stood Still While Knives Spun Toward My Face And Jumped Off A Roof, I Never Thought I Would Need Bravery In The Small Moments Of My Life. I Do.

Take Away Someone’s Fear, Or Low Intelligence, Or Dishonesty . . . And You Take Away Their Compassion. Take Away Someone’s Aggression And You Take Away Their Motivation, Or Their Ability To Assert Themselves. Take Away Their Selfishness And You Take Away Their Sense Of Self-preservation.

She Taught Me All About Real Sacrifice. That It Should Be Done From Love, Not Misplace Disgust For Another Person's Genetics.

I Feel Empty, Not Because Of Sadness, But Because Of Relief, All The Tension Flowing Out Of Me.

But I Understand Now What Tori Said About Her Tattoo Representing A Fear She Overcame-a Reminder Of Where She Was, As Well As A Reminder Of Who She Is Now. Maybe There Is A Way To Honor My Old Life As I Embrace My New One. "yes," I Say. "three Of These Flying Birds." I Touch My Collarbone, Marking The Path Of Their Flight-toward My Heart. One For Each Member Of The Family I Left Behind.

I Decide To Do What I Always Do When I'm Not Sure What's Going On: I Act Like Everyone Else.

He Doesn’t Scowl, But His Mouth Is So Tense That I Know He’s Angry With Me. 'don’t Be An Idiot,' He Says. 'an Idiot?' Is He Talking About The Blanket? 'you Were Lying.

It Will Be Difficult To Break The Habits Of Thinking Abnegation Instilled In Me, Like Tugging A Single Thread From A Complex Work Of Embroidery. But I Will Find New Habits, New Thoughts, New Rules. I Will Become Something Else.

Who Is He When He Isn't Dauntless, Isn't An Instructor, Isn't Four, Isn't Anything In Particular? Whoever He Is, I Like Him. It's Easier To Admit That To Myself Now, In The Dark, After All That Just Happened. He Is Not Sweet Or Gentle Or Particularly Kind. But He Is Smart And Brave, And Even Though He Saved Me, He Treated Me Like I Was Strong. That Is All I Need To Know.

Can I Be Forgiven For All I've Done To Get Here? I Want To Be. I Can. I Believe It.

The Floor Is Solid Metal In Some Places And Metal Grating In Others. Everything Smells Like Rotting Garbage And Fire. "don't Say I Never Took You Anywhere Nice," Peter Says. "wouldn't Dream Of It," I Say.

It Would Be Nice If Life Worked This Way, Stripping The Dirt From Our Lives And Sending Us Back Out Into The World Clean. But Some Dirt Is Destined To Lingered.

Faction Before Blood.

No Selfishness Or Insecurity Kept Him From Seeing The Full Extent Of Her Goodness, As It So Often Does With The Rest Of Us. That Kind Of Love May Only Be Possible In Abnegation. I Do Not Know.

Four Flips The Gun In This Hand, Presses The Barrel To Peter's Forehead, And Clicks A Bullet Into Place. Peter Freezes With His Lips Parted, The Yawn Dead In His Mouth. "wake. Up," Four Snaps. "you Are Holding A Loaded Gun, You Idiot. Act Like It.

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Anthony Jeselnik

Dmitri Mendeleev

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